Should These Be On Ponies?
“Twiliiiight! Twiliiiiight,” Pinkie Pie cried as she pounded on the door of Twilight’s castle.
“Dog gone it Pinkie, we are trying to get Twilight’s attention, not all of Ponyville’s,” Applejack said.
“I simply can’t understand why Twilight would need us to come to her castle at this hour in the morning, I need my beauty sleep,” Rarity yawned.
“Has anypony seen Rainbow Dash?” Fluttershy asked. Pinkie Pie’s tail began to twitch.
“EVERYPONY TAKE COVER,” Pinkie yelled, “TWITCHY TAIL!!!” The mares began to run around in a panic yelling at an unseen danger. A few moments latter Rainbow Dash feel from the sky onto the ground.
“Ouch...never sleep and fly,” Rainbow grumbled.
“Hey look,” Pinkie said pointing to the door of the castle, “Rainbow’s crash landing opened the door. Hahaha it’s funny cuz Rainbow may have brain damage now.”
“Shut up Pinkie,” Rainbow moaned.
“And a good morning to you too miss Dash,” Pinkie replied as she bounced into the castle followed by her friends. The five mares walked through the empty castle, their hoofsteps echoing throughout the large barren halls.
“Where do you think Twilight is?” asked Fluttershy.
“Knowing her she is probably waitin’ for us in the map room,” Applejack replied.
“Come now darling, let's call it what it is, a throne room,” Rarity said her eyes glistening, “Where we sit on our own custom made thrones like the royal families of old. Where we sit with a magical device that lets us see all of Equestria, giving us a clairvoyance that even Celestia does not have! Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!””
“Rarity did you have your coffee this morning?” Applejack asked.
“Maybe,” Rarity replied her eyes darting back and forth trying not to look guilty.
“Hey girls over here!” Pinkie cried from an open doorway, “Look at this!” Inside the small room was a pedestal covered in light. Upon the pedestal lay a small and unusual garment that nopony had ever seen before. It was a light shade of purple and shimmered in the light as if made from the finest silk. The hem was lacy and looked softer than anything they had ever seen before.
“What do you think it is?” asked Rainbow Dash.
“It appears to be a garment of some sort,” Rarity said as she reached for it with her hoof.
“Don’t touch it Rarity!” Fluttershy cried as she stood between her and the garment, “We don’t know what it is.”
“Maybe it's some kind of magical doohickey,” Applejack said, “Twilight sure does love those kinda things.” Pinkie let out a loud gasp.
“Maybe it's a powerful magical device that has the power to destroy all of Equestria!” she cried.
“Pinkie Pie!” Rarity exclaimed, “Where in Equestria did you get that idea?”
“Well when haven’t we encountered a magical thing that didn’t have the power to destroy Equestria?” Pinkie said.
“.....WE HAVE TO GET RID OF THIS THING,” Rarity yelled.
“Now calm down y’all,” Applejack said, “I’m sure Twi wouldn’t leave something that dangerous out in the open.”
“Your right, Applejack,” came Twilight’s voice from behind them, “This garment is harmless.”
“If you don’t mind my asking darling...what is it? Better yet, what is it doing here?” Rarity asked.
“These are a pair of panties, a garment from the human world. When I first went through the portal I found these on me, in fact every girl in the human world wears these, ever since I have tried to figure out their purpose.”
“Wait, how do you know ALL the girls wear them?” asked Rainbow Dash. Twilight blushed.
“Moving on,” Twilight said hastily, “Humans wear skirts, pants, shorts, and even dresses, yet still girls insist on wearing these as well. Here let me show you.” Twilight used her magic to levitate the panties of the pedestal and gently maneuvered them onto Rarity’s flank.
“Oh ho ho my goodness,” Rarity said blushing, “If I knew I was going to be modeling I would have done my mane in a more suitable style.”
“They ain’t very practical,” Applejack said as she walked around Rarity, “I mean they barely cover anything.”
“They look a bit tight,” Rainbow added.
“They kind of look comfy though, are they made of silk?” Fluttershy asked.
“They come in many shapes, sizes, and materials,” Twilight answered. “Doing my research I traced most of these panties to a singular store. Apparently the secret behind these panties is held by someone named Victoria. Sadly I was unable to find her.” Pinkie Pie gasped again.
“Maybe the secret has the power to destroy Eques...mmmph!” Applejack placed her hoof in Pinkie’s mouth interrupting her sentence.
“Or maybe we should bring this to Princess Celestia and see if she knows what these here panties are for.” Applejack said as she removed her hoof from Pinkie’s mouth. Pinkie made a sour face.
“You definitely stepped in something Applejack,” Pinkie said as she pulled a glass of water out of nowhere and started to gargle, “and it wasn’t cake frosting.”
“Stop horsing around girls,” Twilight said as she removed the panties from Rarity’s flank with her magic making Rarity pout. Twilight put the panties in her saddlebag and the six mares started towards the train station where they planned to board a train headed for Canterlot.
“What are these things?” came a small high pitched voice. Twilight felt somepony pull the panties out of her saddlebag. “They are kinda cute, but what are they used for?” Twilight turned to see Sweetie Belle, Applebloom, and Scootaloo admiring the panties in Sweetie’s hoofs.
“Girls, give those back,” Twilight started but Rarity put her hoof in front of her.
“Shhh, this should be funny,” Pinkie said looking at the fillies.
“I know what they are for,” Scootaloo said as she grabbed the panties and put them on her flank. She then put on her old cutie mark crusader cape and stood on her hind legs proudly. “Now I look like a superhero like in all the comic books.”
“You're wearing them wrong,” Applebloom said as she pulled the panties off of Scootaloo. Applebloom put the panties on her head pulling them over her face so her eyes could see out the leg holes, “It's a mask, see?”
“Told you this would be funny,” Pinkie said.
“Seriously youngins we need those back, we were just on our way to see Princess Celestia to see if she could tell us the secret of these here panties.” Applejack said.
“Maybe they are meant to hide blank flanks,” came the condescending voice of Diamond Tiara.
“Oh I don’t know Diamond, I think Applebloom has it on correctly, to hide her ugly face,” Silver Spoon added as both bullies laughed.
“Your sister should sell those at her shop Sweetie Belle,” Diamond Tiara continued, “You could get a pair for your blank flank as well as some for your friends for free, it is all you three can afford after all.”
“Are we just gonna stand here during all this?” Applejack asked turning to her friends who all shrugged.
“Oh wait, now I know what these are for,” Applebloom said as she took off the panties and shoved them into Diamond Tiara’s mouth, “They are for shutting up spoiled fillies, fun fact, those were on Scootaloo’s flank recently.”
“And mine,” Rarity chimed in. Diamond Tiara spat the panties out and ran away shouting insults at the cutie mark crusaders who were rolling with laughter.
“Well now that that's over with,” Twilight said as she levitated the saliva covered panties back into her saddlebag, “Let's move on shall we girls?” The six friends continued their quest to the train station.
“Anypony else feel like we are being watched?” Rainbow said after a few minutes. The six mares came to a halt and looked around.
“Something...is coming...something….terrifying…” Pinkie said slowly.
“Huuuummmaaaannnsss,” Twilight looked down to see Lyra lying on the ground between her legs. Lyra’s eyes were wide and unblinkingly fixed on Twilight. Her insane grin spread ear to ear.
“Humans…” Lyra said again, “You have something that belongs to….humans.” Twilight gulped.
“Don’t be silly Lyra, humans don’t exist,” Twilight said trying not to sweat.
“They do,” Lyra said standing up and coming face to face with Twilight, “You have seen them, you have...become one.” Lyra sniffed Twilight’s mane and neck as Twilight stood rooted to the spot.
“Are we just gonna stand here during all this?” Applejack asked.
“Shh, this should be funny,” Pinkie said.
“Pinkie did you have coffee this morning?” Applejack asked.
“Yep, I stole Rarity’s,”
“Dirty little thief,” Rarity mumbled. Lyra continued to sniff Twilight as Twilight closed her eyes hoping for a miracle
“Lyra! What did we say?” came Bon Bon’s voice. Lyra stepped back from Twilight and hung her head.
“Don’t harass ponies with my weird human fetish,” Lyra said sounding ashamed,
“Thats right, now lets go home,” Bon Bon said leading her friend away.
“This isn’t over,” Lyra hissed at Twilight.
“Aww party pooper,” Pinkie pouted. Twilight sighed.
“If Lyra got her hoofs on these panties we would never see them again.” Twilight said as she started walking again.
“Hey Twilight look! Vinyl and Octavia’s house!” Pinkie said cheerfully.
“Pinkie we can’t afford any more distractions,” Twilight said angrily.
“But Twiliiiight, Octavia is the classiest pony in Ponyville...besides you of course Rarity,” Pinkie added as she saw Rarity glaring at her, “If anypony can solve the mystery of this article of clothing she can...I mean since Rarity couldn’t.” Rarity let out a loud “hhmph” as she stuck her nose in the air.
“Ugh, fine let’s pay them a visit,” Twilight sighed. She and the others trotted up to the door and knocked on it.
“Octiiiiii,” whined Vinyl Scratch on the other side of the door, “Get the doooooor.” Octavia opened the door.
“Princess!” Octavia exclaimed, “What brings you and your friends here? Not that we are unhappy to see you.”
“I am,” Vinyl whined.
“Shush Vinyl, behave yourself if front of our guests. Sorry about her, she had an all night wub session and she is kinda….. out of it as they say.”
“Sorry to bother you,” Twilight said, “We just have this article of clothing from….well it doesn’t matter, and we wanted you to try it on and see if you can see what the purpose of it is.”
“Well I will do what I can, come on in,” Octavia said. The six mares entered the house only to witness Vinyl Scratch laying on her back on the couch. She was moaning and her glasses were askew.
“The wubs man...the wubs,” she mumbled.
“Is she going to be ok?,” Rarity asked.
“She will be fine, she always bounces back,” Octavia replied as Twilight levitated the panties out of her bag.
“Hold still,” Twilight said as she levitated the panties onto Octavia’s flank.
“They are..kinda damp,” Octavia said.
“It’s a long story,” Rainbow said trying not to laugh.
“They were in a filly’s mouth,” Pinkie said cheerfully.
“Okay it’s a short story,” Rainbow shrugged. Octavia looked at herself in a nearby mirror.
“They are...nice and all, but I can’t seem to imagine what the purpose of such things are.”
“Taviiiiii,” Vinyl whined as her glasses fell off her face, “Get me some….some….” Vinyl stopped talking as she looked at Octavia. Her eyes started to sparkle as she leapt off the couch and ran to Octavia and started hugging her rump.
“Vinyl, behave yourself!” Octavia cried as Vinyl rubbed her cheek against the panties that hugged Octavia’s flank tightly.
“Ooohhh, a real reaction,” Twilight said happily, “Maybe these panties are some sort of mating device?”
“Mating device?” Fluttershy said blushing.
“It all makes sense now,” Twilight said excitedly, “Human females cover their panties with skirts and pants and only reveal them when they are trying to attract a mate!”
“I hate to burst your bubble,” Octavia said trying to fight off her roommate, “but Vinyl acts like this all the time, panties or not. She must have just snapped out of her wub over.” Octavia fought off Vinyl long enough to get the panties off of her and sure enough Vinyl went back to hugging her rump without the panties. “Sorry you had to see this,” Octavia apologized as she started to blush.
“No prob, it was funny,” Pinkie giggled.
“I really thought we had discovered the secret,” Twilight sighed as she levitated the panties back into her bag. “Thanks for your time Octavia.”
“Your welcome Princess,” Octavia said as Vinyl pinned her to the ground. The six mares walked outside back in the direction of the train station.
“Hey Twilight, look!” Pinkie said, “Doctor Whooves house.”
“No no no!” Twilight yelled, “No more distractions, we are going to see Princess Celestia!” A few minutes later Twilight found herself in Doctor Whooves living room.
“Aaah an interesting specimen,” the doctor said admiring the panties, “you say these are a female garment correct?”
“Yes siree bob,” Applejack said.
“Then I propose….an experiment,” the doctor said his eyes sparkling, “Derpy, come here my fair mare.”
“You called Doctor?” Derpy said running into the room and saluting.
“Yes my dear, I need you to wear these,”
“Yes sir,” Derpy said happily as she threw the panties on to her face, “It’s a nice mask indeed.”
“No, my fair mare, it goes on your flank,”
“My bad,” Derpy blushed as she put the panties on properly.
“How do you feel?” the doctor asked.
“I feel pretty,” Derpy said cheerfully as she pranced around.
“Success, the purpose of the garment is to make you feel pretty,” Doctor Whooves exclaimed.
“Not that Derpy’s opinion isn’t valid, but if they are meant to make you feel pretty then why are panties usually covered up?” Rarity asked.
“Hhhmmm, well let’s take a closer look. The garments seem to exemplify the curvature of one's posterior,” Doctor Whooves said.
“Doctor, you flatter me,” Derpy said looking all embarrassed.
“Say that again in english,” Applejack said trying to wrap her head around the doctor’s words.
“Perhaps these are meant for warmer climates when dresses would be too much, or maybe it's just meant to be a small part of a larger ensemble,” the doctor continued.
“Or maybe they are just meant to feel good,” Derpy chimed in, “The material feels great against my flank.”
“Calm yourself my dear,” Doctor Whooves said as Derpy started to shake her rump.
“This has all been very informative,” Twilight said trying to hide her annoyance, “but if you don’t mind we have to go meet with Princess Celestia now.” Twilight levitated the panties upward giving Derpy a wedgie.
“Ow ow ow,” Derpy cried.
“Ah yes, they seem to double as a torture device,” Doctor Whooves said.
“Sorry Derpy,” Twilight said, “gotta go.”
“Those panties are mean,” Derpy cried.
“That's it.” Twilight said as the six mares left the house, “I’m ending this now.” Twilight’s horn started to glow as the six mares were teleported to Celestia’s throne room.
“Wow, why didn’t you do that in the first place?” Pinkie asked causing Twilight to glare at her.
“Twilight, what brings you here?” came Princess Celestia’s voice. Celestia and Luna both stared at the mares from their thrones.
“Pardon the intrusion Princesse,” Twilight said as she and the others bowed, “but we have a item from the human world we wanted to earn the secrets of.”
“Oh Twilight, always seeking answers,” Celestia chuckled warmly, “Let us see the item.” Twilight levitated the panties towards the royal sisters.
“Pray tell, what purpose do these serve?” Luna asked.
“That's what we wanna know,” Rainbow said, “they go on human flanks.”
“I see,” Celestia said, “let me try.”
“I wouldn’t do that,” Twilight said, “they barely fit Rarity and…”
“Are you saying I have a fat flank?” Celestia said her eyes narrowing.
“N-No of course not,” Twilight started.
“Don’t lie Twilight Sparkle,” Luna said, “I have been telling my sister to lay off the royal cake for years, maybe if she hears it from you she will listen.”
“I have had the same figure for over one thousand years thank you,” Celestia retorted.
“Congratulations, you have been overweight for a thousand years,” Luna said rolling her eyes.
“This is about the whole thousand years on the moon thing isn’t it?”
“Oh you have to bring that up huh?”
“You try keeping your figure when you rule Equestria on your own.”
“Maybe I could have if you didn’t send me to the moon.”
“That’s Nightmare Moon talking.”
“At least I’m not talking out of my oversized flank!”
Twilight and her friends stood in silence as the two sisters continued to argue. Twilight no longer wanted to figure out the secret of the panties. She knew what their purpose was, to cause nothing but chaos and stress. If one thing was certain about all of her encounters today it was that these panties were trouble. Twilight’s horn lit up as the panties disappeared. The two sisters stopped arguing at once.
“Twilight...what did you do?” Celestia asked.
“I sent those panties far away to a place where they can never be used to spread chaos again.” Twilight said triumphantly.
“Where exactly?” Luna asked.
“Don’t worry, they are in good hooves. If anypony knows how to handle those things it’s her.”
Somewhere in Equestria
“What are these?” Maud Pie said as she realized a mysterious garment appeared on her flank, “.....I like them.”
Author's Note
I had a lot of fun writing this and I hope you had fun reading it 
