Conviction of the Law

by Locked Out

Rating: teen
Tags: Human, Mystery, Comedy, Random
Length: 933

Was a crime committed, will he face jail. The jury is still out

Caught with a dead pony in his home OC is brought to trial. But was a crime committed, will he face jail. The jury is still out.

As it stands there are no markers for who is speaking other than the type of dialogue being used. I think its obvious but uh… I wrote it.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2016-03-10 19:16:06 UTC

One and Done

Our story begins in some arbitrary corner of Ponyville where all things must occur as our OC protagonist prepares his supper.

"That's coming along nicely. Shouldn't be long now."

But what ho, a knock upon the cottage door.

"It's all over, lawbreaker! Your spree is at an end."

But our OC is a clever man and countered with the most witty remark.

"Habeas Corpus mate."

"That one. You're coming with me."

And lo the guardsmen did bestow his magic grip upon the out-lander.

Alas the OC was no match for the because magic clause.

"Oi get your filthy magic off me you dirty unicorn scum. This is false imprisonment! Give me you badge number, I'm reporting your corrupt arse." The OC was outraged that the patron saint Author Locked Out would allow some no name to best him like this.

"Tell it to the judge criminal."

And to make matters worse, saint Author Locked Out allowed it to be a stereotypical stupid law enforcer.

"Did you not here me, that's my intention."

We now advance to court with Princess Celestia as presiding as judge as dictated by the fanon charters. Likewise Apple Jack,  Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, and Twilight Sparkle were in attendance as a force beyond there power compelled them to be present at any event of notes occurrence. The court was full as all of Equestria knew of the deeds of sir OC. What do you mean we don't have enough ponies to fill the court? Just reuse some of them, no one will notice.

Now where were we? Ah yes.

"Yo Celly this here guard needs to be removed from the force. The racist unicorn scum kidnapped me in the middle of my meal preparation."

The racist unicorn took offense.

"That's Princess Celestia you criminal degenerate."

"Not mine, narwhale."

The retort while both witty and completely justified was no match as the plot asserted itself once more.

"It's called being arrested OC."

"That would require a crime to have been committed. At the vary least some probable cause."

"You were reported for suspicious activity and found with a corpse."

"A man can't have an animal carcass in his own kitchen?"

"It was an elderly unicorn."

"I stand by my statement."

"Well at least this will be fast. For the murder of-"

"Whoa now, when did I get accused of murder? The lot of you acted like I was brought here on account of cooking corpses being illegal."

"So what you just happened to find a dead pony to cook."

"I keep my eyes peeled for meal. It's all about knowing where to look. Not that hard when you keep them all in one spot labeled like that."

"Fine, grave-robbing then."

"What? No. I'm above digging. Such labor is for the lower class. And besides I don't want any rot on my dinner. Fresh from the hospital feel free to check the records. I like my meat fresh."

"Breaking and Entering, as well as the grave-robbing. Just because he didn't get buried yet -"

"There are no locks for me to have broken and as for entering it IS a public hospital. Also marked for cremation. I was going to return the skin and bones but never really gave me a chance to finish."

"Um- your highness, he didn't 'really' harm anyone and it's not his fault he needs to-"

"Omnivore actually. Can survive on basically anything."

"Princess Celestia, we need to focus on the crime. We aren't here to judge his terrible character."

"Yeah well you're a PURPLE narwhale."

"In order to avoid panic it is important to point out that he was being opportunistic. It's not as though he wants to eat any living pony."

"I wouldn't mind eating Rainbow Dash. Got some nice flanks on her and a good heart. By far the best looking I've seen around here."

"You would just eat Rainbow Dash!"

"Heavens no, I have class. There is a process to these things. First a nice massage using a mix of olive and peppermint oil before sitting in a sauna to steam for awhile. Cook dinner, get some fresh chianti from Berry, then head out to the lake for a moon lit meal by the water. Maybe get a boat and eat on the water."

"That doesn't sound so bad."

"No Rainbow darling thats not innuendo. Very literal eat usage."

"Just you try it!"

"I'm above chasing tail."

"You stop that."

"Stop what?"

"Please tell me there was some sort of law he broke."

"None on the books cover this rather specific issue. I'll write something up."

"I heard that! You can't just write up a law and convict me after the fact. I committed no crimes when I acted. How am I to defend my self from things that are yet to exist? I DEMAND JUSTICE."

"Yeah, well get in line."

"Now that it is known that you are dangerous-"

"I'm dangerous. Those foals have hurt more ponies than me. Are you seriously going to lock me up because I, might, do something."

"I think its safe to say I have heard enough. I leave you to your peers."

I have returned to fill my Union regulated bare minimum narration. Did you miss me in the trial there? Some people just don't understand how important it is to fill a story with exposition from a narrator at any and all moments in a story. It is the only proven way to world build and stimulate audience interest after all.

"OBJECTION!"

"Overruled. Ponies of the jury what say you."