Culture Box

by Loud_Taffy

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Twilight Sparkle, Random, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Human, Other
Length: 1374

You saw it, you wont want to unsee it.

In the interest of learning more about humans, Twilight and her human friend Jon, build a device.

Edited By DeputyDuck

Published 2016-02-29 19:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-02-29 19:40:01 UTC

First Try

Author's Note

So I marked this as complete but I might do a followup later.
Also, if you feel the unfortunate need to down vote, please tell me why.

First Try

It was another beautiful morning in ponyville. Birds were singing and ponies were enjoying their breakfasts. But, unbeknownst to most of the citizens, something very exciting was about to happen. Deep in the inner chambers of Friendship Castle, one princess and one human were busy making the final adjustments to a very clever device.

“Ok, just tighten here. Adjust the matrix there, aaannd… Done!” Princess Twilight Sparkle floated a rag over to wipe the sweat from under her horn. “I have to say, Jon, I didn't think it was possible, but we did it.”

The human smirked as he sat down. “Actually, I believe you said that it wasn't scientifically possible.”

Twilight huffed and tossed the rag at him. “Well, what you can't achieve with science you can do with magic. But coming from a world with next to no magic, I bet you think that's cheating.”

Jon avoided the sweat rag with a chuckle. “Oh no, I think it's amazing. After coming here, I pretty much confirmed all of the theories about magic both canon and non-canon.”

Twilight looked confused for a second before realization dawned. “You're talking about that show from your world right? I still think it's weird how our reality bled into yours through thoughts and concepts. But I guess if it didn't, we wouldn't have been able to come up with this thing.” She gestured to the device behind her.

“Yep.” Jon stood up, “You should write to Canterlot. I bet Celestia and Luna would love to know more about my world.”

“That's a good idea. Ok I'll go write a letter, you go set up in the presentation room.”

Her gave her the two finger salute, and she teleported to her study. “Ok, now where did I put that spell?” Jon spotted a dark purple cylinder on the table across the room. He picked it up, pointed it at the device and rotated the top half. The machine slowly floated off the table and he started pushing it down the hall. As he pushed, he reflected on his situation. Having been ripped away from his world hadn't been as bad as he thought it would be. Before, he had no job, no girlfriend, no family, and he was practically homeless. When he had appeared here he had been starving and weak. The ponies had been hesitant at first; but it had been Fluttershy who, upon seeing a creature in his condition, had insisted that he receive help. Since then he had been doing way better. It helped that humans were far more versatile when it came to working skills, and he had no problem earning his own money. He had even bought a little house in town. Currently, he was employed as an assistant to Twilight in regards to the machine he was now pushing. He had just about made it to the presentation room on the main floor when-

“Hi Jon!”

He jumped a little. “Hey Pinkie.”

“Whatcha got there? Ooh is it a new kind of oven or maybe a cotton candy machine it looks like a vacuum with all those hoses but where does the bag go my vacuum doesn't have a bag does yours oh wait it's not a vacuum it's a new thing what's it do what's it do WHAT’S IT DO!”

He had just finished setting up the machine while she carried on. Not that he would complain, Pinkie was one of Jon’s best friends. He found her randomness and strange abilities to be a great source of entertainment.

“Well, you're right about it being new, but I don't know if Twilight wants it to be a surprise or not.” He thought for a second. “Ok how about this. You go get everyone and we can turn the reveal into a reveal party.”

That was it, he said the magic word. A smile almost split her head in half as she bolted out the door. He chuckled and threw a sheet over the device. After pinning a note to it telling Pinkie she could do her thing but not to touch, he left to go find Twilight.

****

“Ok so that's more ponies than I thought she would invite.”

“Well, you did tell her to go get everyone.”

“But the whole town?”

Jon and Twilight were behind the stage curtain Pinkie had set up for dramatic effect. He peeked out at the audience again and gasped.

“What! What's wrong?” Twilight was getting nervous again.

“Nothing's wrong but the princesses are here and they brought some guests of their own.”

“I'm almost afraid to ask. Who came?”

“Well, Cadance-”

“Cadance!?”

“Yes Cadance. She brought your brother. Celestia brought Discord, and Luna is with… Is that Chrysalis? I thought the changelings were evil.”

“The treaty remember? They've integrated now. Plus Luna and Chrysalis are dating.”

“Really?” He took something out of his pocket, scribbled on it and put it away.

Twilight cocked an eyebrow. “Why do you have a bingo card in your pocket?”

“I'll tell you about it someday. We should probably start now, or do you want to run some more checks?”

“No no I'm ready. Let's do this.”

The curtain went up and Twilight stepped forward. “Hello everyone, I hope you're enjoying the party, but now it's time for main event.” She smiled at her little joke. “What I have here is a device designed to teach us about human culture through their literature and what they call media. Let me explain how it works. You write down what you're interested in on a piece of paper and insert it in the slot here, then it analyzes it via a fluxual quantum mechanic and produces the material here in a way that's compatible with our technology.”

The silence was deafening. A white hoof went up. “Yes, Vinyl was it?”

“So it's like the request box I use at gigs but instead of music it's for human stuff?”

Twilight gave an exasperated sigh, and Jon managed to stifle a laugh.

“Yes, basically that's how it works.”

From the back a golden talon when the up. Twilight sighed again but Jon stepped up. “I got this.”

“Yes you in the back. Ghost of misfortune was it?”

“Spirit of chaos actually.” Discord grinned. “Would it be to much to ask for a small demonstration?”

“I'm glad you asked. This is where the fun part comes in.” He picked up a pad of paper. “Because human literature and media culture is so immense and diverse, I can input quite a few requests at once and still only get one response. To save you a bad first impression, I'll switch the machine to fiction. Now since you asked the question, why don't you make the first request.”

Discord thought for a moment. “How about something with a good villain.”

After that a few more hooves went up. After a bit he had a decent sized list.

“Ok here's what we got. Discord wanted a good villain, Rarity wanted something about high society, Celestia wanted to see human cities, Rainbow Dash wanted action, and Bonbon wanted to see someone living a double life.” He glanced over and saw Celestia giving Bonbon a look. He snorted a bit and ripped the paper off the pad.

“Ok so now I just slip the paper in here, and Twilight can do the rest.”

She nodded and shot a beam of magic at the powering apparatus. The machine hummed and lights flashed. After a few seconds there was a ding and the front panel opened up. Inside sat three film reels. When Jon picked them up he saw, printed on the top was a symbol he recognized instantly. It was an image of a stylized bat.

“Good new everyone, you couldn't have started learning about human fiction with a better story. I present to you a trilogy about one of the greatest fictional heroes the human race has ever conceived.” He held up the film so the picture was visible to all.

“I give to you… Batman.”