My Little Pony: Humans are Cthulhu

It hit pretty hard. Like the sky had fallen on me at a sufficient enough velocity to turn the earth below me into a new asteroid belt. It was a realization that I should have known would hit sooner or later. I was probably stuck here, whats worse, I am literally unlike anything else in this universe and have no idea how deep this rabbit hole goes. Who knows how strangely my biology can effect the world surrounding me.
I shouldn't be here, I should be at home, watching TV with my friends, making fun of stuff MST3K style, or hell anything. Looking at my life now, it seemed all I was going was finding new ways to waste time, but dammit I liked my life. It was a beautiful waste of time.

I wanted to see my friends and family, I wanted to play video games with my best friend as he kicks my ass at Marvel vs. Capcom 3, I wanted to know how Game of Thrones ended and talk about it at length about it with my brother. Hell, I wanted to go crawfishing with my grandfather despite how much I hated it. I just wanted to go home.

The thought that that my not be possible scared me, scared me on a primal almost fundamental level. I shook a bit but did not let it show, not yet. I can talk about this later. Right now, Twilight had finally calmed down and everything had died down. We sat there, staring at the spot Anon once stood.

"Spike is probably back by now.", I said to break the silence.

Her ears twitched as she turned to me. She still seemed down, but at least she was responsive. That said she did remain quiet.

"You alright?", I questioned.

Yeah, it sounded better in my head.

"...Someone is... is dead because of me."

The tone she used was absolutely haunting, I actually shuttered.

"No, I don't care what that bastard said, you are not at fault for anything. He was a damn monster, plain and simple. He didn't deserve his sister."

Twilight gave a small, barely perceivable nod as she looked to me.

"I think we should... No, lets just go back."

"You got it, I'll get back in the wagon."

Despite herself, Twilight giggled. Made me feel a little bit better.

As I squeezed myself into the wagon, my thoughts turned to Anonymous. He was a human, like me. However he could do stuff, casually rip trees from out the round and toss them like he was tossing a stick. Seemingly he could alter reality to suit his needs. Like how he landed near his sword despite that sword previously being much further away.

It was like the universe decided everything he did was going to be done in the most visually awesome, yet impractical of ways. Almost like he could call upon the powers of bad writing to do stuff. I mean on paper what he was doing would sound cool, but in practice, not so much. It was minor, nothing too drastic, but enough to make me think of my own situation.

My sweat made stuff literally melt after a sufficient period of time, what else did my presence cause. Could I unknowingly tear the very fabric of reality and existence apart at it's seems as ponies knew it. That was not getting into what I could do that I have yet to discover, my ink pen showed me that I could probably do a lot more than I thought.

For example, this Pistol of mine. At the moment it still looks like it could function, but it was crudely made, and its outlines were starting to look more like smudges than any borders. It wasn't going to last very long, not at this rate. Still, I should probably test it out. However the mere fact I could conjure things into being was rather... Frightening to think about.

Power corrupts after all.

Sure drawing things into existence was cool in and of itself, but could also be potentially dangerous for myself and those around me. I had no intentions of accidentally destroying this place by drawing what I usually do. I sincerely doubt any situation could be improved by animating a Shoggoth or Dracula into being.

I must use this power for only good. Also I really did not want this to fall into someones hands.... Or hooves now that I thought about it.
Also, this ink pen was kind of old, who knows how much ink is left within it. No it would probably be best to use it as little as possible. At the moment it was my only real tool that could help if anything bad happened, even if my sweat made own my drawings slowly deteriorate.

"Sketch, we're here."

Huzzah! Freedom at last.

And more popping joints. I don't know why I love that sound, but I really do.

You know, before I was much to busy sorting everything out to notice, but... This was the Golden Oaks Library, which last I remembered was destroyed by a certain magic eating centaur. I don't know how to ask about that without revealing future knowledge, after all I said I view dimensions, not time. But I'm just going to assume I simply fell into being before that whole mess with Tirek started. Less hast.e that way. Ok now that we got...

"PINK! OH GOD WHY THE PINK!", I screamed out loud as I fell to the floor.

You know, I'm glad pain here only lasts a second.

I got to my feet to see the pink mare bouncing excitedly in front of me.

"There you are! I was wondering if you went somewhere I looked in the bathrooms, in Spikes room, in Twilight's room, under the bookcases, in the basement, behind the books, under the table, in the kitchen, then I made cupcakes because I got really Hungry so I had to leave Spike here all alone so I could get the ingredients from home, because I didn't want to use any of Twilight's, and on my way back I realized that I could have just made them over there, but came back anyway because Spike was probably hungry, so I made cupcakes, and then I heard the door open and I saw Twilight with a wagon, but I didn't see you so I got sad, but then you started to move and make those pop pop popping sounds and I got happy again and here you are! Wanna cupcake.", she asked as she handed me said cupcake with a smile.

You know, I think a lot of that was one continuous sentence.

"....Uhhhhhh!"

I think that is my new catch phrase.

"No thanks, I'm... Not hungry?", I said confused.

Actually, now that I thought about it. I haven't really eaten anything since I got here. I don't feel hungry. I wondered if I could even eat the food here. Something to test out later.

"Okie Dokie Loki.", said Pinkie as she shoved the whole cupcake into her mouth.

I think the wrapping was still on it.

Twilight had retreated upstairs by now, and I had time to think.

Anonymous was strange to think about. He reminded me of Gary Stu types without flaw, yet everything he did was done in such an over the top impractical fashion that it was almost pathetic. Looked cool, but still pathetic. It did make me wonder of my own existence, was I some kind of Gary Stu, that though was not a pleasant one. I mean I hate Mary Sues and Gary Stus, and to be something you fundamentally loathed... Jesus that sounded whiny.

I didn't dwell on that too much, really I just wanted to get the hell out of Dodge and get home. From what Anon said, he did some stupid ritual to get here, one that he needed to kill to complete. I just kind of woke up here.

You know, if I could pick a universe to go to, My Little Pony wasn't on the top of that list. No I would much rather something like... Actually scratch that, when you get right down to it no universe seemed appealing.

I mean sure, you can interact with your favorite characters, but then you would have to be apart of whatever crazy stuff they would have to deal with. Plus there is an old saying, Never Meet Your Heroes.

I know for a fact that if I met Han Solo (May he rest in peace also damn you Kylo Ren) and it turned out he hated me, well I probably wouldn't take it to well.

Oh wait... Pinkie was talking to me.

"...And then I pulled him out of the giant monster cake and saved the day, and that is why Poison Joke and Cake don't mix."

"...I'm sorry, I totally zoned out there, what were you talking about."

"Oh just..."

She stopped talking as the sounds of hooves on wood came from the stairs and I looked to see Twilight come down with a familiar purple Dragon. You know, even as a carton, spike looked absolutely adorable, like a purple iguana that learned to stand on it's back legs and talk. Also as a plus, he could breathe green fire at will.

I wanted one. I will feed him, and hug him, and love him, and pet him, and walk him, and call him George.

"Whoa!", said Spike as his eyes fell on me.

He put rubbed his eyes before looking back to me again.

"Don't take this the wrong way dude, but you are really hard to look at."

I chuckled a bit as I turned to Twilight.

"Am I really that ugly."

She shook her head, and sighed at my poor attempt at a joke as she trotted over to the table.

"The message has been sent, now we just wait for a reply."

I nodded as Spike took a seat near me and observed me with a curious gaze.

"You have claws."

"Hands actually.", I said as I wiggled my fingers.

It did not escape me that Spike made a face, but it was brief. He looked like he wanted to say something more, but couldn't put it into words.

"Something you wanted to talk about?"

"Not really, just never seen... Hands like that. They look like sausages, or really stiff worms."

He looked sheepish at his wordings and Twilight turned to him with a small glare.

"Now Spike, that isn't nice. Tell Sketch you're sorry."

I raised my hand.

"No it's alright, it's not rude if it's true. Just brutally honest, I've been been called worse things, trust me."

Twilight sighed, Spike seemed to groan, almost like he knew something was coming.

"That is not the point, it's rude."

Hmmmm, I wonder.

"Have you ever considered...", I said with a smile. "...That comparing ones fingers to worms is great declaration of peace and friendship among my people?"

Twilight blinked rapidly for a while as she looked between me and Spike. The dragon seemed to be looking at me with a smirk. After a moment, Twilight settled on looking at me.

"is it?"

I barked out a short laugh.

"Not even in the slightest."

"Then why say something like that?"

"Because reasons."

Spike laughed as he rolled on the floor. Ah, humor, the Great Ice Breaker.

"I like this guy, so Sketch Twilight says you are from another... What was it again?"

"Another universe where apes evolved into a sapient species and where the laws of physics are drastically different from our own."

"Yeah that...", said Spike as he turned back to me. "... Anyway, I was wondering, you got dragons back home?"

I shook my head.

"Sorry, no dragons. We have a few species of Lizards we call dragons. Komodo Dragons are the biggest of them, they have a septic bite, but they are rare and only live on a few islands. That is probably the closest thing to dragons we have... Not counting dinosaurs."

Spike did not seem to like that answer, but became very curious up at the mention of dinosaurs.

"Whats a dinosaur."

And thus I introduced a young dragon to great and fantastic beasts and endeared him to me to this very day. Well, not exactly. I thought he would find them interesting, but...

"So, basically giant bird lizards... That sounds cool I guess."

Ow! My childhood. Dammit, it's dinosaurs, be impressed dragon... Huh, it sounds a bit stupid for a dragon to find Dinosaurs awesome now that I think about it.

I sighed as I looked around the room and...

"Where's Pinkie?"

"Oh, she's in the kitchen.", said Twilight.

I really need to pay attention to my surroundings better. Also Spike burped up a scroll, I should have expected that, but seeing it in real life is very odd to say the least.

"That took longer than expected.", said Twilight as she levitated the scroll towards her to examine it.

I drummed my fingers as her eyes scanned the paper before she rolled it up and calmly placed it on the table.

"Well?", I asked.

Twilight smiled.

"Celestia is willing to trust my judgement for now, but she wants to meet you."

"Really, when is she going to get here?"

Twilight gave me a deadpan look, the same look you give someone you suspect my be a lot dumber than you previously thought.

"You do know she is a princess and is very busy, she can't just drop her duties to fly over here and meet you. We have to work around her schedule, not the other way around."

You know, put like that, it does sound really stupid of me to expect that.

"Either way, she says we can take our time, but I think we should go soon, maybe tomorrow morning."

"Works for me, so what do we do until- OH GOD PINK!"

Face meet floor. Oh also GOD DAMN YOU PINKIE!

"Oh I have an idea, we could have the girls meet Sketch. I bet they would like him. He's an alien monkey dimensionally aware observer whose species has been watching us, I'm sure they would like to know we are constantly being stalked by aliens we can't even see."

Pain is gone, also way to Pinkie, you made all of humanity sound uber creepy. I noticed Twilight looked suddenly very uncomfortable as she tried to look around the room to see the unseen things that were probably watching her, studying her, observing her, judging her... Great now I'm making humanity sound creepy. Oh and Spike was laughing at me because I was still on the floor.

"Not funny."

"It's kinda funny.", said Spike.

I said nothing as I returned to my seated position.

"Well?", asked Pinkie.

Twilight tapped a hoof to her chin.

"Well, I suppose so..."

Twilight's words were cut off by a series of sharp knocks at the door, a muffled and familiar voice could be heard on the other side.

"Twi, It's Applejack, someone done uprooted my trees. I need your help to find out who done it."

"Oh yeah, those trees were commercial property.", I said Blankly as I looked to Twilight who suddenly seemed to feel really small if I understand the body language correctly.

"Come in AJ, but... Well I have a guest."

The door opened.

"Well ah don't know who it is, but this is very impor... What the hay?"

"Hi!", I said with a wave.

Applejack stared at me for a moment before moving to Twilight to say something, before her mouth shut and she looked back to me with a raised brow and a quirked head. Took a moment for her to find her voice.

"Twi?"

"Yes Applejack.", asked Twilight with a strained smile.

"Why is there a deformed funny looking hornless Minotaur looking thing sitting in your chair?"

Element of Honesty everyone.

"Ummm... This is Sketch, he's... Not from around here... Or anywhere we define as here."

"Say what?"

"He's a higher dimensional creature from another reality."

"And he watches us all the time..", said Pinkie with a smile.

"Not all the time.", I defended.

"Just most of the time.", quipped Spike with a short laugh.

Applejack stood there looking at what to her was a three dimensional representation of a fourth dimensional entity that normally was a three dimensional entity before being pushed into four dimensions because the universe did not want to have to deal with it and holy hell that is confusing. Either way she looked like she wanted to say something but seemed to have lost her ability to form words.

"It's a long story.", said Twilight.

"Why does it look like that? Uh, not that you look bad, but you look... Well like you don't really belong with everything else... Ah am sorry if that came out mean, but... You got this strange look to ya."

"No offense taken.", I said with a smile.

"That is the closest our brains can come to understanding a fourth dimensional entity.", said Twilight.

"He does look a little funny though, like someone started to make him and decided not to stop making him.", said Pinkie helpfully.

"Right, well anyway ah am sorry about this, but my trees, three of 'em just..."

"Heh, well it's funny that you mention that.", said Twilight as she tapped her hooves together.

Applejack turned from me to give 'the look' to Twilight. If you ever had a friend who did something really stupid, well you know what look I'm talking about. The 'You dun goofed' look.

"Twi, is there something you want to tell me?"

Twilight seemed to fumble on her words, it was adorable, but also served to have Applejack become increasingly impatient.

"Yeah, about that.", I interrupted.

All eyes were now on me, suddenly I felt very nervous.

"Another human, that's my species by the way, one who seemed to be from a different universe than I showed up out of nowhere, and started to do highly improbable things, like rip trees out the ground to throw at me because he was a sociopath who happened to also be a whiny little emo git. He's gone now by the way."

Applejack gave me 'the look' as she examined my expression.

"I promise AJ, we can fix it, we'll put the trees back where they go."

"You see, Twilight will put the trees back, problem solved."

Twilight was now glaring at me.

"I'll do you one better, Spike can help out to."

And now Spike was glaring at me.

"What the hell, I'm feeling generous, Pinkie can help to."

Pinkie was...Okay. That was not a glare, not in the slightest, but it promised pain.

"... Alright I'll help."

"Well, thank ya kindly.", said Applejack with 'the smile', if you know the 'you dun goofed' glare, you know 'that smile'.

Twilight gave the same smile.

"I'll get the wagon."

Damn you Anonymous, you Gary Stu Self Insert asshat, damn you to the deepest pit of hell to be company for the devil, preferably the one depicted in Tenacious D in the Pick of Destiny. You get to be Kage, you just lost the rock-off, and there is no Jack Black to save you.

Applejack offered to pull the wagon, said wagon I was laying in as uncomfortably as possible. Good think I'm not claustrophobic... yet.
Seriously we just got done doing this, why couldn't Applejack have noticed before we got back. Incidentally, I did not know I could bend like this.

The spell keeping the blanket cool did not apparently work as well as I thought. There were a few white spots on the bottom of the wagon, with a dark ring around it. I brushed my fingers across one and found to my shock that one of the spots was concave. Like the metal of the wagon itself warped just a bit.

I sincerely hoped that this wagon ride wouldn't last much longer, having a caustic touch really was going to make things difficult. I was probably stuck in my clothes I was now wearing, anything else would probably just melt away. Would I be able to shower or bathe ever again, or would the water itself melt into ink, something else I needed to test out.

I sighed as I shifted very slowly to face upwards.

"Don't move so much, you're the one who doesn't want to be seen.", came the hushed whispers of Twilight.

"Sorry.", I whispered back.

This really was uncomfortable, I was considering just letting the cat out of the bag, but now seemed like a bad time. I closed my eyes. I really wish that we would get there already, contorting my body was starting to get painful. I sighed. Then something happened.

I felt the unusual sensation of falling before I hit grass. I grunted in pain that lasted a brief moment as I looked up to see another Ink Portal hovering a few feet above me. Still covered by the blanket, though not for long. The Blanket was removed and the face of Twilight could be seen staring down from that portal above me.

"Sketch, oh thank Celestia, I saw the blanket fall and Applejack tripped from the shifting weight, are you okay, where are you?"

I looked around to see I was surrounded by trees, one of which was fallen and not far away from me. I blinked.

"I'm apparently at our destination.", I said confused and surprised.

Twilight looked like she wanted to say something, but the inky portal began to melt and I barely got enough time to roll out of the way of the large amount of ink that landed right next to me. A lot of ink still got on my clothes, but not as much as it could have been.

I slowly got to my feet and brushed off my jeans and clothing as I watched the ink slowly merge itself seamlessly with the landscape. That was very unusual to witness, but I had work to do. I figure since I'm already here, might as well get to work.

That said I am not lifting a tree.

So, how does one lift a tree when one has never exercised in his entire life. Well that's why nature saw fit to provide us with a brain. I needed to better understand how my being interacts with the world around me, a good place to start was with the very ink pen in my pocket, I don't know it's full capabilities quite yet, and I would much rather test it in a controlled manner.

It didn't have much ink before I got here, not with my drawing habits. Maybe if I better understood how what I drew worked I could figure out how to know when to need it. I reached into my pocket and pulled out the .44 and gave it a good examination. It still functioned, at least it looked like it, but for the most part it looked like it wouldn't last much longer if I held it too much. The handle was just about gone and the hammer was warped, but it still looked alright.

Taking an aim at the tree, on one of the larger roots, I pulled back the hammer, braced myself and pulled the trigger.
Again it was much louder than it really needed to be, and my ears were ringing as a result. However, I pushed that aside as I looked at the damage.

There was none.

Well, that's not entirely accurate, it looked like the bullet, rather than pass through, had simply splattered across the tree. Some of the tree itself had splintered, but not as much as a .44 should cause. Good thing Anonymous was to scared or stupid to figure that one out.
Great, I was the proud owner of a slowly deteriorating paintball gun.

That said, at the velocity which it moved, it could defiantly kill someone if hit someone just right, but on average it would barely get through clothing. Probably would require multiple shots to put anything down. Still, it gave me an idea on the limitations on what this pen could do, not enough to make any grand conclusions, but enough to know where to start.

"Oh, someone looks lonely."

I blinked at the sudden words as I turned to see... Nothing behind me. What the hell.

I turn back and...

"Boo!"

And I fall to the ground screaming as Discord laughs at my attempts to straighten myself up.

"Priceless, absolutely priceless. I just scared a fourth dimensional entity, that must be a record for something."

"Where did you come from?"... Yeah as soon as I said that I knew I just asked a stupid question.

"Oh that is a long and complicated story much too graphic for your young ears. Lets just say magic can have a very twisted sense of humor. Also you can't understand it without knowing how to turn a circle inside out without using the third dimension."

"Riiiight, what are you doing here anyway?"

"Well, I was just in the neighborhood. I've been watching you, love the little scrap with that Anonymous guy by the way."

"You saw that?"

"My boy I see everything, well not everything but I see enough."

"Yeah, I'm just going to pretend you aren't always watching me."

Discord shrugged.

"Whatever gets you through the night."

I sighed as I looked from Discord to the tree.

"Any chance you can help me put these back where they go?"

"You have a better chance of falling slower than an anvil."

"I'm sorry, what?"

In response, Discord smiled and pulled out two objects, one was a feather, the other an anvil.

"Normally this wouldn't work with a feather, but well, I am me so I can cheat. Anyway it's good for a demonstration.", said Discord as he released both the anvil and the feather simultaneously.

I watched as the two objects fell and... What the actual hell. The anvil was falling slightly slower than the feather. I think the laws of this universe just do not care.

As a great man once said, The more I see, the less I know for sure.

"Everything falls faster than an anvil, this is especially the case with anything alive, in that case the anvil will always land on someones head, usually the individual who is also falling."

I watched as the anvil fell very slowly, then the feather finally landed, and suddenly gravity remembered it existed and the anvil fell at a seemingly normal speed landing so hard that it left a perfect silhouette of the anvil in the ground.

"OW! What the... Oh hey, an anvil. Oi Rover I found me an anvil?"

"Leave it, it no shiny pretty shiny gem."

"You said Shiny twice."

"Shut up Benji."

I looked down into the hole to see two Diamond Dogs looking at the anvil before digging away. One had a very noticeable knot on the top of his head.

"That's the thing about chaos magic, it's still magic, it is just magics sense of humor."

"Why were there two Diamond Dogs underneath Sweet Apple Acres?"

Discord frowned while looking at me like I was the crazy one.

"Because otherwise the anvil wouldn't have fallen on anything, meaning it wouldn't have been funny, and therefore pointless. I thought that was obvious?", said Discord with a smirk.

I thought on that for a moment. That sounded familiar, very familiar. I turned to Discord.

"Were the Diamond Dogs there before you dropped the Anvil?"

"I honestly don't know. Maybe, and maybe not. I'm the spirit of Chaos, not the God of it.", said Discord plainly.

Well, that was interesting to ponder.

"Alright, lets say two ponies are falling and so is an anvil, how would the anvil know which to fall on?", I asked calmly.
Discords smirk turned into a smile and a chuckle.

"Now that is an interesting question, one that deserves an answer. However it's poorly worded, the anvil wouldn't know who to fall on, for the anvil is itself a slave to magic, it is magic that decides where the anvil will actually fall, but the anvil will almost certainly fall on whoever magic deems better deserving of having the anvil fall on them. Consider it cosmic karma."

Oh my God it's cartoon physics.

"Can anyone use chaos magic?"

Discord barked a laugh.

"Oh ho ho, you don't really expect for me to answer that do you, sorry my bipedal amigo you'll just have to figure that out on your own. Besides, even if they could, magic avoids you like the plague, you couldn't even if you wanted to."

"True, but if I knew how it worked, I could apply it to various tasks.", I said mostly to myself.

Discord raised a brow.

"And pray tell, how would you apply it?"

"I have absolutely no idea, but maybe I can indirectly cause things to go a certain way, rather than your much more direct method.", I'm applying logic to Cartoon Physics, it's official I've lost my god damn mind.

"What a clever monkey you are, granted I'm not sure it would work for you, but it is something I look forward to seeing you try figure out, it's bound to be entertaining if nothing else... Well entertaining for me, for you not so much. Probably more than a bit painful actually, so do get on that, preferably while I am watching, which is almost always by the way."

Considering I told Discord I was a watcher, the irony was not lost on me. Well, I figure since Discord was here, I might as well ask questions.

"You know, you just called yourself a Spirit, but not a God, what exactly is the difference?"

"Are all humans as curious as you are?", asked Discord as he buffed his claws on his coat.

"Generally yes, so Gods and Spirits, whats the difference?", I pressed.

Discord sighed.

"Gods are infallible. Spirits on the other hand, well..."

Discord sighed.

"You know, a lot of ponies like to assume that spirit means ghost, that could not be further from the truth. No, I'm a spirit in the same way somepony may have the spirit of their country with them, or the spirit of the law in court. It's abstract, like... Well like me. The only difference is I have a will of my own. Much more fun that way."

"Huh, never thought of it like that."

"Then obviously you don't think much.", said Discord as he reached behind his back and pulled out a giant novelty pocket watch out of nothing much.

I chose not to comment on the insult. Mostly because I was bound to lose against an abstract cosmic force.

"Well enough chit chat and dilly dallying, I have places to be, ponies to meet, and chaos to sew. Oh and do try and be entertaining remember, you do have an audience."

It was at this point Discord pointed to a large crowd of Discords all looking at me, a few waved, a few were taking pictures, a few seemed disinterested, and one seemed to be arguing with a cactus that was also somehow Discord. Ooooookay.

"Ta-ta!"

And with a snap of his talons, Discord and his posse of Discords all disappeared in what was presumably a puff of logic.

Well that was enlightening.

"Sketch!"

I turned to see a familiar duo of lavender and orange ponies coming over the horizon, one Twilight Sparkle and one Applejack, the latter still dragging an empty wagon behind her.

They were still a good distance away, and I waved as they picked up speed from a simple walk to a trot. Apparently for ponies that was the equivalent of a power walk.

"What happened?"

I shrugged.

"Near as I can tell, the portal just opened underneath me. Not sure why."

"Ah dang near broke my back when the wagon just became empty. Gotta say I did not expect that one. What was that anyway?", asked the thoroughly confused Applejack.

"Portals, don't ask, I have no idea how they work."

"Well, you're here now. Lucky you only three trees are down. Twi here says you got a fancy pen or something that might help us out, not sure how, but I wouldn't mind finding out myself."

I glance over at Twilight who is currently examining the tree. Taking the pen out and twirling it in my fingers I move over to her.

"So what are you thinking?"

"I could move the trees to their needed destination using simple telekinesis, but after that incident with anonymous my magical reserves are a bit drained. I don't want to put too much strain on what little I have left, so I was thinking a simple pulley system could be used to get them upright s we replant them, but first we'll need to make the holes bigger."

"I'm guessing I'll need to make this pulley system?"

"If you don't mind.", said Twilight as she examined the trees a bit more.

"And the holes?"

I looked at the trees as I thought of that for a moment. Then something came to mind.

"Do either of you have any gems?"

Twilight and Applejack shot me a look of confusion.

"Ah have a few back home, why?", asked a confused Applejack.

I said nothing, instead I moved over to an anvil shaped hole in the ground.

"Where did that come from?"

"Discord."

"Ah see, sounds about right."

I leaned down into the hole.

"Yo, Diamond Dog dudes, I got some gems for you if you're interested in a little digging."

"Wait what?"

Two seconds later two good sized Diamond Dogs popped out of the ground. I noticed that the knot on the bigger ones head was gone.

"Whats all this about digging for gems?"

I smiled.

"We got three trees that fell down, we were hoping that you could dig the spots for them to go, in exchange we'll give you a few gems."

"How many?"

I look to Applejack.

"Yeah Applejack how many?"

The farm pony only looked between the two dogs and I before settling on a glare at me.

"Sketch, can I talk to you over here for a second."

I shrugged, I had a feeling I knew where this was going. I turned back to the Diamond Dogs.

"One moment gents, I'll be back in a moment, you know how stingy ponies are with gems these days."

"Ain't that the truth. Take yer time lads. Just try and not take too long.", said the slightly smaller Dog.

We moved away from the small group, not too far, just enough to get out of earshot. Twilight followed, but her horn started to glow as she looked around. Not sure why.

"Where did those two come from?"

"Also possibly maybe Discord... I think, I'm not really sure, but they were in the neighborhood, so I figure we can use the help, unless you know anyone who can dig better and faster than a Diamond Dog."

"That ain't the point, the whole reason you are here is to make up for what you did."

"Except as previously mentioned it was caused by another human, I just happened to be the target. It's not my fault the trees just happen to be flying at me."

That seemed to floor her.

"Look at it this way, consider it those guys making up to you for trespassing."

"By payin' em'?"

"Eh, you can't have everything.", I said with a shrug.

"You know...", said Twilight as her horn dimmed. "...Sketch does have a point, I can detect a small amount of chaos magic in the area, if them being here was caused by Discord, well it may not be entirely their fault they are here in the first place. Chaos magic can be, well very random."

"Alright fine, Ah will pay em' for the work, six gems total, that's two per tree, but any more and they can get out."

"Sounds fair."

I turned to the Diamond Dogs who were standing there with their arms crossed and foot tapping impatiently.

"Hey boys, how does two gems per tree sound?"

The two looked to each other for a moment before they talked among themselves.

"Three trees right?", asked the smaller one.

"Yep!"

Their tails started to wag.

"You got yourself a deal, but we dig the holes, nothing else."

Well that was one problem solved.

"Alright we have a plan.", I said with a smile.

"I'll move the trees, Sketch you start drawing the pulley system, Applejack you show them where the hole needs to be."
With a sigh, Applejack moved to the Dogs.

Turns out, it wasn't as difficult as I thought. Dogs dig holes, Twilight movers trees, and the newly drawn pulley system worked rather well, Applejack provided the rope, so luckily I didn't have to draw that. Still by the end of it I felt like I held up a grand piano for about two hours. Now I'm damn near passed out in the wagon, legs and arms handing out limply.

Note to self, pain is only temporary for trauma, not so much in the case of manual labor.

"I feel pain, and noting else."

"your legs are hanging out, ponies will see you.", said Twilight.

I groaned, a lot.

Reluctantly I folded my arms and legs into the wagon and watched as Twilight put the covers over me. I really wish I knew how to open those damn portals.

Anyway, it was a long trip, too tired to contemplate anything, so I just lay there until we get back. Eventually, I fell into sweet unconsciousness.
Suddenly I found my eyes fluttering as something poked me in the side, I opened my eyes to see.

"Pink!" I yawned. "Always the pink."

"Ok he's up."

I slowly get myself upright as I yawn and look around the room and... There is a rainbow in my face. Also it's now looking at me.

"Rainbow Dash I presume?"

"Yeah, that's me... So, why..."

Predicting the question with my phenomenal brain of... thinking... Screw it still tired. Either way I answered the almost spoken question.

"I look like this because reality and magic is pushing me into the fourth dimension because apparently it can do that."

Rainbow backed up with a confused look on her face.

"I was just going to ask why you were in a wagon."

Dammit Brian, you had one job.

"Well obviously because reasons."

I heard someone bark out a laugh at that. I move myself to see a small dragon looking at me from the couch.

"That is the second time you used that. I like it, I think I'll use it one day.", said the small dragon.

"Feel free to do so.", I said before turning back to the Rainbow maned pegasus.

Rainbow Dash was examining me for the moment in what I assume to be morbid fascination before calmly flying to the small group of ponies and one dragon. It was interesting to see them all in the same room at once.

"My god you assembled faster than the Avengers, not much of a feat, usually takes them a few movies to do it, but still..."

And now they are looking at me like I am crazy, I think I am inclined to agree with them at this point.

"What's an Avengers?", asked Spike.

"Not important right now.", I say with a wave of my hand before... Oh look my vision is once again consumed by pink, wonderful.

"Well after you left I went out where I found Dashie in town, so I told Rainbow, who told Flutters, who told Rarity that an alien was at Twilight's home, we thought you would be back, but you weren't so did another alien show up that you had to fight, or did it just take that long?"

"Just that long."

"Oh, Okay."

I glance from Pinkie to Rainbow Dash, who looked to be sizing me up. I guarantee you Miss Dash there is no need, I am just as frail as I look, which is a lot.

"Excuse me, Sketch was it?"

I turn to see, oh look Rarity.

"Yep."

"Yes, well I was just wondering what you were wearing, it looks... Rather odd."

"The standard form of dress for any human too busy to care what he wears. Jeans, Sneakers, and a T-shirt of Captain America's shield."

"Actually, I was wondering what the materials were.", said Rarity as she cleared her throat.

"Well why didn't you say so, the jeans are denim, the shirt is cotton, and the shoes are... Rubber and some other stuff."

What even is that, plastic?

"I see, they look... Nice."

That was a lie. The look on your face says it all.

"Thanks."

Rarity sighed.

"I was wondering, well you see I am a tailor and the resident fashionista as it were of Ponyville, and I was wondering if perhaps I could..."

"Yeah, that might be an issue."

Rarity looked a bit perturbed, and somewhat annoyed at being interrupted, but thankfully, as expected, Twilight answered for me.

"Yeah, Sketch here has... An unusual effect on Equestrian Matter, his sweat seems to behave like an acid, well, more like a solvent that dissolves matter into a black liquid resembling ink. Sorry Rarity, but if he were to wear anything made by you, or made in this universe for that matter... Well it wouldn't last very long."

Have you ever seen someone freak out, if not you are about to.

"WHAT! You mean to tell me he... Oh what a curse, the injustice, to forever be trapped in the same clothing. I... I cannot think about it. It sounds absolutely horrid."

She looked to me with genuine sympathy, I was touched, even if it was a slight overreaction.

"Oh you poor dear. Oh, I wish there was something I could do. That is The. Worst. Possible. Thing. Ever."

And now she held my hand in her hooves, like she was trying to comfort me. Okay, maybe more than a slight overreaction.

"Oh, I could scarcely imagine the horror you now live. I shutter to think what will happen when the ever changing landscape of fashion changes, oh to be trapped in outdated clothing. The shame, the horror. I promise, if there is anything I can do, anything at all, do not hesitate to ask."

Tears fell from her eyes, but she wiped them away with a hoof before said hoof went back to my hand.

"No Rarity, be strong, for Sketch's sake.", said Rarity.

Spike was glaring at me. He could exhale fire. I have a feeling he wanted to do that to my face.

"Uhh, thank you?".

Rarity nodded as she got back on her feet, which I was thankful for because Spike seemed to calm down a bit after that.

"No, do not thank me, I know the absolute horror you must now exist in because of your new lot in life. No, we must return you home, where clothing that will not fade into obscurity and where you may discard anything obsolete.", Rarity turned to Twilight.

"Twilight, how do we send him home?"

Twilight blinked.

"Well, actually... I don't know, I was going to try and figure out a way to send him back, but when I informed Celestia, she requested an audience with him, we're leaving tomorrow morning."

Rarity nodded.

Well, that was fun.

However, with that freak out over, my eyes were drawn to a yellow pegasus in the corner. She was looking at me with what I assume was confusion. I defaulted to my normal greeting.

"Hi.", not the best, but good enough.

She flinched a bit, but otherwise smiled and looked at me well looked at me as best she could.

"Oh, Umm...Hel...Hello.", she said shyly.

MY GOD! No doubt about it that was the single most adorable thing in the history of adorable things, and I am counting internet cat and baby videos. I think I have diabetes now. I could not help but smile, before an involuntary sound exited my mouth hole.

"Awwwww!"

Can I have one, I will feed her, and hug her, and love her, and pet her, and walk her, and call her something other than George. Mostly because George is a males name. Maybe Georgia.

Then Dash flew back into my field of view. Hello Rainbow.

"You're a monkey right?"

How very blunt. I like it.

"In the same way you are a horse."

Rainbow Dash blinked as she processed that, then tilted her head before smirking.

"Well, I got the heart of a horse, but I'm all pony."

"That was cheesy Rainbow.", said Spike.

"Cheesy but true."

I feel like that is a reference to something within the show, but for the life of me I just couldn't remember what it was. Also as expected the Whorse this is fannon. Good to know.

"Ummm... Excuse me."

Back to the adorable little manifestation of diabetus that was Fluttershy.

"Yes?"

"Well, I just was wondering, well... You're very thin... I'm sorry... It's just... Well I mean, you look like you... Like you haven't eaten... And was wondering if you were... Umm if you were hungry... I'm sorry... I didn't mean to..."

D'awwwww. How can you not smile at that. I waved her worries away.

"No no, it's fine, I understand completely...."

And she smiled. Again D'awwww.

"....But, well I'm not really hungry.", I said with a smile, one that was slowly falling as a realization came over me.

"...Or thirsty, even though I haven't eaten since before I got here... and just did a lot of manual labor... Why am I not hungry?"

Fluttershy's ears folded back as I scratched my chin. I am fully aware that I most likely couldn't eat anything here, but because I'm apparently an idiot, I never actually thought about the problem of nutrition. Well I'm just the biggest idiot in the world right now. I literally forgot humans need to eat. What kind of moron am I.

Still not hungry though.

Twilight, who had a look of contemplation on her face turned to me after a moment. Probably found this just as disturbing as I did.

"Maybe this is a side effect of existing in the fourth dimension. But, I would have to test it to make sure."

Twilight got this look in her eye, one that I did not care for in the slightest. It's not that it was bad, but it implied me tasting Equestrian food, which would probably be ink.

"I really don't want a mouthful of ink."

I used to chew on pens, not any more. to make a long story short, ink does not taste good. At all. Ever.

"What do... I mean humans.... Umm, what do humans normally eat?", asked Fluttershy.

"Humans are omnivores, We eat just about anything. Fruits, vegetables, meat, fungi, some other stuff I might be missing, but yeah, that's the basics."

Hmm, maybe I'm frozen in time, I mean is the laws of physics are avoiding me then it stands to reason time is as well. That just sounds stupid though... Oh also why are they looking at me like that, like they are very uncomfortable. Oh right, they are herbivores, except presumably Spike. Is this about the whole meat thing?

"Are you going to die?", asked Pinkie rather bluntly.

Okay, maybe it's not about the meat eating thing. Cool.

That said, that possibility of dying seemed much more noteworthy anyway.

"I don't think so. Even if I was going to, well there isn't much we could do about it. I think it best to assume I just don't need to eat or drink."
Actually, I just remembered something.

"Now that I think about it, when I breathe, I never actually feel fresh air in my lungs. I may be the needless."

"The what?", asked Rainbow.

"It means I might not need the same things as I needed before to remain alive."

"It would be best to know for sure, I'll make some tea, and bring out a few snacks."

"This seems rushed."

Twilight shrugged with her wings.

"It would put our minds at ease."

Fair enough.

Mouthful of ink here we come.

Twilight motions to get up, but is stopped by Spike.

"It's alright Twilight, I'll get it."

"Thanks Spike."

So here I was talking to the technicolor ponies on whatever topic they think about, but it isn't long until I look down at a glass of water and an apple being set on the table near me by the small dragon.

"Here you go.", said the Dragon before he took a seat next to Rarity.

Twilight looked at the small tray before looking back at me. The others were also looking at me expectantly. After a moment, Twilight sighed.

"You don't need to eat it all, a small bite will suffice."

"This does not seem to be well calculated. I mean, if it goes wrong, there isn't much you could do. Chances are this is going to turn into ink, and any medicine you have would probably do the same, even if it doesn't I have a Vastly different biochemistry than you."

Twilight nodded.

"I know, but without magic, all I can do is make observations. It's not the best method, and is very crude, but I can't think if anything else that might work, and this is something I'd like to know for sure. This is a basic test, you don't have to eat it all."

"I'm still not sure."

"Yo! Egghead."

Rainbow flies into my view.

"If you’re done with your lame excuses, can you get on with it."

I sigh.

"Want to see what ink tastes like, I know I am not looking forward to it."

"It's an apple, whats afraid it will be mean or something."

"That's not very nice Dash.", said Fluttershy.

"He's being a big baby, about an apple. It's dumb... He's being dumb."

"Your insults are very uninspired. Is your family tree a cactus, because your kind of a prick. See that's how you insult someone."

"I've heard better. I hope that's not all you got."

"Nope, but the best I have doesn't really apply here. It goes something like this. When you were born, the police arrested your dad, the doctor slapped your mom, animal control euthanized your brother, and A&E made a documentary that saved your life. I however have yet to find you so annoying or stupid enough for that insult."

Now the looks of complete and utter confusion and disgust. A few of them, namely Rarity and Fluttershy gasped at that, and were looking at me with wide eyes. Mission Accomplished. Thank you internet for that little gem. Sure I now looked like a complete asshat, but... Yeah I got nothing, I'm just an asshat.

"Whats an A&E?", asked Twilight.

Of course that's what you would ask.

"Not important."

"That is simply the most barbaric string of words I have ever heard.", said Rarity aghast.

Spike didn't seem to get it, good. I'm not sure his age, but it can't be that old. Fluttershy on the other hand.

"That is not very nice. I think that is the meanest thing I have ever heard.", said Fluttershy with a a look on her face of hurt and shock.

There was something about that look that I really did not like. It wasn't so much the look itself as it was the knowledge I caused it. It almost physically hurt.

"Sorry. I promise not to say it again", I say sheepishly.

She nodded and returned to her shy self. A breath of relief passed through me. Rainbow Dash on the other hand she started laughing. Everyone was just kind of looking at her now. Once Rainbow realized this, she cleared her throat and looked more than a bit embarrassed.

"Ok, that was kind of funny. It's one of the cruelest thing I've ever heard, but still. Funny... So are you going to eat the apple now?"

And back to this. Well, whatever Might as well get this over with.

"Fine I'll eat the damn apple happy now?"

"Not really, but go ahead.", said Rainbow bored as she zipped off like the Flash who just went to Starbucks and when asked what he would like to drink, just said yes.

I sigh as I pick up the apple first. It feels like an apple, waxy skin and all. Even smells like an apple. Slowly and reluctantly, I put it to my mouth, and take a small bite... Hell it even tastes like an apple. Well that was unexpected. I take another bite, then another, and another and it was like I couldn't stop. Damn this is a really good apple.

I wasn't even hungry. I just ate it just to have an excuse to have that taste remain in my mouth. I really couldn't put it into words.
I swallow the pieces in my mouth before I look to the water, and take a sip. Ok water is tasteless, but holy hell that is the tastiest tasteless liquid I have ever drank. Damn, what do they put in the food around here... Crack. This is ambrosia, literally food of the gods.

"Ok, that was really REALLY good.", I said as I put the water down.

A collection of relieved sighs can be heard around me from a few ponies, notable Twilight and Fluttershy. I leaned back in my chair as the taste begins to fade.

"So, you can still eat food, that's good. I wonder why though?"

I lean back in my chair with a shrug, before I turn back to the tray to get another sip of water, it's not that I'm thirsty, it's just the taste. My hand freezes as I look at the apple.

Yellow replaced by black ooze. Even part of the glass the water was in seems to be dripping that inky blackness from around it's rim. I actually flinch.

"What the hell."

Applejack approaches the tray and looks at once was an apple. Her eyes wide as the observes the slowly melting apple as it dissolved into a puddle of ebony ink. The glass doesn't look much better. The once clear water inside is tinted a dark color, and getting darker.

"What in the..."

Applejack backed off as quickly as she could as the ink melted holes in the tray and black ink flows freely to coat damn near the entire table. I hear a few short screams as the ink flows freely, some of it dripping off the table onto the floor.

"Everyone get back.", I said as I stood up.

We slowly back away from the table. This is not like my sweat, this isn't bleaching the world, it's actively melting it. The table itself has shifted, melting like plastic in an oven. It still had some color, but it was slowly turning dark.

My eyes widen. Something bad is happening. I feel a sharp pain in my stomach. I put my hands over my abdomen as I lean forward with a slight dizzy sensation and the worst feelings of nausea I could possibly imagine. The pony closest to me, Applejack, is the first to speak.

"Sketch, are you okay."

I found it odd, yet sweet that she was concerned for me despite the horror show going on around that table, but at the moment I was in a bit to much pain to fully appreciate it. I groaned as my hands went to my head.

"I... I don't think...", it was at that time I realized I really should not have spoken.

As soon as the words left my mouth, I felt my stomach contract so violently that it hurt worst than any pain I have ever experienced.
I put my hand to my mouth as the taste of ink makes itself known on my tongue. Black fluid leaks from between my fingers as I sank to the floor, helplessly frozen on my hands and knees as my entrails burn like fire. The expelling of my innards seems endless.

"What the hay!"

I don't know who said that, I don't care either. A whole torrent of black ink is propelled into the air, out of my mouth like a hose turned on full. My insides burn more than ever before and my eyes clench shut as this horrid involuntary and forceful expulsion of ink is expelled at high speeds from my stomach. This was not vomiting, this was a foul, repulsive, and disgusting purging.

Oh God make it stop.

It doesn't. The stomach-acid stench fills the air, and it only forces more ink to be retched out of me.

After what felt like an eternity I finally get a moment to breathe. Not that I needed to breathe, it was an instinctive reaction that made me fell no better or any worse. I dry-heaved again and again bringing up only dribbles of black bile.

My throat is sore and raw. I am vaguely aware of my surroundings, and look to see the trail of ink in front of me, leading all the way to where the table once was. All that remained was a hole filled with black ink that slowly was changing color to match the ground almost seamlessly, but not quite. I didn't see the full effects before I groaned again as my eyes shut tightly.

I wanted water, not out of thirst, but just to get the taste of sick out of my mouth, but I knew that luxury was not possible, and would only make this so much worse.

I'm dimly aware that a few of the ponies who had backed away were now moving towards me. I don't see their faces, only feel the horrible burning. I whether from pain or exhaustion, I am granted a mercy as I pass out shortly afterwards.

I woke up in a daze, I couldn't feel anything but a faint burning in my throat and the absolute worst headache I have ever felt in hy life. I can safely say that I now know what the hangover after drinking a Pangalactic Gargleblaster feels like. I was on what appeared to be a couch, one that now had a large faded white spot on it where my sweat had fallen, with the familiar ring of black around it.

My clothing was covered in dry ink, almost the entire thing was black. With the exception of a few large spots of blue in various places. Not much though. Still it wasn't that bad, at least it was dry.

An involuntary groan escaped my lips as I slowly shifted upwards. I felt weak, and that simple movement took more out of me than it really should have. Then the memories of last night entered my mind. I turn to where the table once was to see it was gone, and to see a most irregular floor.

I could see the floor looked strange, it was flat as it should be, but it had swirls of odd colors and patterns upon it, or rather apart of it. It was beyond odd to see.

Getting to my feet very slowly I looked at the floor before I slowly got on my knees to better observe the surface. A wave a nausea hit, but it what mercifully brief.

I ran my fingers across a red point on the floor. It had the texture of an wax, a bit of clear material directly next to it felt like smooth glass. Despite the odd colors and textures, it was smooth and continuous, with no apparent gaps or spaces between one part and the next. It was damn near seamless, like it had always been apart of the floor, even though it looked like it was mixed haphazardly.

I pressed my finger hard on the red waxy spot, and made a face of disgust as clear fluids with black spots leaked out. That fluid smelt of apples. That was disturbing. My hand brushed over a white swirl that felt like cold metal, presumably from what once was the tray.

It was as if the table, and everything upon it was now merged to become these odd irregular patters. Melted and blended to form this mess of substances and chaos. The only thing about it that I was thankful for was that the ink did not remain a liquid, one that probably would have behaved like an acid for anything of this world.

I got to my feet as I observed the floor just a bit better. The trail of ink from before was gone, presumably because it now was apart of the floor, or rather was the floor itself.

I don't know why, but it made a shiver crawl up my spine.

"You're awake. A lot earlier than expected."

I turn to the Lavender alicorn who is walking down the stairs and looking at me with concern.

"You really worried us last night. No one left until I assured them you were fine, by the time we got you on the couch you were snoring, so we took that as a good sign... How do you feel?"

"Not good, but at lest better than last night."

Twilight shuttered.

"Yeah... Listen, I'm... I'm sorry you had to go through that, it was... Horrible.", said Twilight.

She could not meet me in the eyes, probably out of guilt.

"I was the one who ate the stuff, but I am never eating anything again as long as I am here."

Twilight finally looked at me. Her eyes calculating.

"Do you feel hungry?"

I thought about it for a moment, before shaking my head.

"Nope. Not even a little bit."

Twilight nodded before she looked to the floor. She made a face at it.

"How long until it fully dried? The ink I mean."

"Only a few moments after you passed out. I have never seen anything like that in my life. It doesn't even look like a floor anymore."

"Looks like some college kids idea of modern art. I suggest a rug to cover it."

Twilight didn't say anything, she just stared at the floor.

"You alright?"

"Why Ink?"

"What?"

"Why does everything about you have something to do with ink. Colors fade around you like you're lying on a painting, you can create portals out of ink, it's almost like you... No... No, it's almost like the universe we inhabit is made out of ink, and you aren't."

I see where this is going, well time to stop this before Twilight learns forbidden knowledge which has the slight possibility of causing an extreme existential crisis.

"Who knows, universes might just be weird like that. Or maybe I just so happened to choose the most appropriate name in the history of the multiverse."

Twilight didn't seem convinced, but thankfully she dropped it.

"We should get you to Canterlot, Princess Celestia still wants to meet you."

"Sounds like fun, lets go."

There was an air of melancholy around Twilight, even as we passed the threshold of the door. It would continue all the way to the Train Station.