Reign of Frogs! A collection of short tales

Chapters

Reign of Frogs
Punch Line
How I Lost My Leg
Colts!

Reign of Frogs

REIGN OF FROGS

The weather was odd, to say the least. In fact the less said about the frogs raining from the sky, the better! Luckily there weren’t that many of them and they were small enough that they were mostly surviving the fall.

The air was filled with indignant peeps as frogs protested some other rude frog landing on them! We were having to be careful where we stepped when we went out, too. You may have a frog in the center of your hoof but NOTHING prepares you for the feel of an amphibious frog being squished underhoof by accident.

Yuck!

Staring out the open door of Handy’s Hardware and Pub at the falling amphibians, Frony opined, “It is a conspiracy, that’s what it is! The Grange voted not to pay Cloudsdale for last month’s weather. It is them dratted Pegassi is doing it!”

I looked out too. Utterly fascinated by the antics of the little hoppers. I just had to poke a hole in Frony’s bag of hot air.

“The only trouble with that, Frony, ol’ pony, is that Pegassi can make clouds move about and make WATER rain from them. They can’t lift frogs up to cloud level and drop them! I personally suspect that those Rom you led the charge to chuck out of the town’s Fair might have something to do with it.

“If so, this mess is YOUR doing!”

“You can just shut it, donkey! What are you doing inside a respectable business?”

“Trying to change the topic, Frony? I am doing the same thing that you are! Staying undercover until those frogs stop splatting down!

“As for why I might suspect the Rom for having a hoof in this mess, you got them chucked out of the fair. Couldn’t stand the competition. Your fried dough twists just did not measure up to the snacks coming out of Midnight’s Munchies!”

“It wasn’t fair! I worked hard on making my dough twists. That dark blue unicorn, Midnight, she just look like she tossing stuff together and everypony mobbing her booth for goodies!”

I pointed out acidly, “You only found out that Midnight is her Rom name AFTER you got Princess Luna and the rest of Marchhare’s band, the adopted Royal Family of Equestria, chucked out of the fair! Must have been a jolt to find out who she really was!”

Frony was just grabbing a broom to chase me out of the shop when Handy stopped him cold. “You going to BUY that broom, Frony? If not, put it back in the rack!”

His comment was punctuated by a few final splats from outside. The rain of frogs was over, apparently.

Stepping out to spare Frony the price of a broom, I happened to hear from overhead the kind of laughter that you sometimes hear in dreams. Beautiful but spine chilling at the same time.

Looking up, I saw a familiar midnight blue alicorn standing on the edge of a cloud, laughing at her prank, the wind fluttering her Rom sashes.

~THE END~

Punch Line

Skywise was all dressed up. Gliding silently through the air above Canterlot, she spotted another Snob Swaree, down below her. Duke Knoseup’s estate, if she remembered the layout of the area correctly.

She grinned. It was quite some time since she’d gotten tossed out of his place for gate crashing a party. Time to try again! She swooped low, two places over from Knoseup’s lawn party and glided in silently, barely above the garden wall.

It was tricky, landing in the little brush screened garden bench bower. Skywise double checked that her party dress was not torn or snagged and gave her mane and tail a quick touch up brushing.

Stepping out of the path to the bower, she looked back and said, “Thank you, my Lord. That was very sweet of you!” She sauntered out and began to mingle.

She caught the eye of handsome stallion, resplendent in decorations of a martial nature and a Chain of Office from the War Ministry. He courteously, asked, “Would you care to dance, my Lady … “

Smiling happily, she replied, “Skywise, of the County Skye.” Technically that was true, though she was in no way connected to Count Skye. She took his hoof and followed his lead on the dancing green.

Snuggling as they danced a lovely close dance, to music from a live chamber group, she asked contentedly, “I missed your name, my gracious lord. I did recognize a War Ministry Chain and that you are greatly decorated for gallantry in action.”

He grinned cheerfully, as they swayed to the music, soft grass underhoof and clear sky overhead. “I am Carton, Duke of Camarg. I have seen action, yes. My mother, the abdicated Duchess, is the real heroine in the family. Megan Blackberry IV served in FOUR of the Gryphon Wars. She is the only pony in history to receive the Gryphon Empire’s Golden Claw of Honor. The Empress herself called a truce to award it to mother.

“It was she who rallied our troops, broken by detonation of the Mage Weapon, and led the ground charge that broke the Great South Bay invasion.” He shook his head. Mother nearly died from her wounds in that engagement.”

“You are very well connected, My Gracious Duke. I know that your family is one of the oldest in Equestria. It is a great honor indeed to meet you in person.”

With a wide grin, he retorted, “The honor is mine, sweet Skywise. I have never met the finest party crasher in Equestria before, either! Never fear. I will not give you away. I detest Knoseup. Helping you to get away with this is too much fun to pass up! Please be my Escort for this dull swamp stomp of a party.”

He led led the delighted Skywise to the refreshment table. They gathered plates heaped with some of the finest “grazing” that Equestria had to offer.

As they sat to eat, Skywise asked in a small voice, “Your Grace, how did you know that I am a party crasher?”

He nickered in amusement. “You do know that Skye is a County of Camarg? I know Roder, Count Skye and his family well. You are of there, by your accent, but you are no more noble than a Rom. Well, any Rom but the Royal Family, anyway!” he finished, laughing.

Skywise smiled. “Thank you, Your Grace. I would like to go and get somewhat to drink.”

“I will get a cup for you, ‘my lady Skywise of Skye’ but you will be disappointed. Those fancy bowls have naught in them but water.”

Shocked, Skywise asked, “Only water? Why?”

Duke Camarg whickerd, “Knoseup’s doctor told him that he will die if he drinks much more. Knoseup enforces his restriction onto his innocent guests.”

Skywise stared about at all the fine trappings of the party. At the line to the big serving bowls. “Do you mean to tell me, Your Grace, that with all of this event and build up, that there is no punch line?”

–The End–

How I Lost My Leg

It was warm out. The sun was shining, though there were a few clouds up there. I was sitting by the old, empty cracker barrel on the boardwalk in front of Clance’s store in the village of Tailswitch. Well, trying to sit, anyway.

Clance was nice enough to put out both checker and chess sets on a small shelf by the barrel. There was a checker board on top of the barrel. There were only two flies in the ointment of my day.

First, of course, was the simple fact that a pony with a wooden foreleg has just about zero chance of ever finding a comfortable way to sit to play checkers. My somewhat grizzled brown coat has way too many scars. There is a tale behind each one, too. Comes of being an Adventurer. I even met the famous Daring Do on several occasions. Nice mare. Not stuck up at all.

To use the pegasus expression for it, she flies with her own wings. Darn clever, too. Don’t really know if the rumors that she is the daughter of the infamous and never caught thief, Carmen Pondiego, is true or not. If it is, her ability to find almost any antique treasure is well explained.

The other fly in my day’s ointment was starting to show up. Colts and fillies.

Carter and I were trying to ignore them as we set out our checkers. We were going to play for the Champeenship of the Entire World, so to speak. Carter and I take our checkers seriously.

It was a shy little filly that fired to opening shot of the question barrage. She pointed to one of my bigger scars and asked softly, “Mister Wildun, what happened to make that?”

Even Carter looked up from the checker board. Takes a powerful lot to make THAT happen. “Yes, Wildun, how did that one happen? Don’t recall you mentioning that one before.”

There was a sea of young ponies faces looking on. I grumped, “Dratted foolishness. Was down in the jungle near to the Unknown River. Yes, that is its name. I was looking for the temple of Shoorush, rumored to be there. I was clearing brush and forgot to look UP.

“Blasted tree snake about as big around as your neck, young filly, grabbed me and started to haul me up where it could get coils around me and crush me to death. Lucky for me that a pony’s skin is loose and the snake’s teeth were sharp. My hide tore out of his grip and I fell back down.

“No great adventure. Just carelessness. If you are in a jungle, always check EVERYTHING before you take any step.”

The flood gates opened! Even Carter joined in. Maybe I should apply to the Adventures Guild for a different retirement village!

It had to happen. They were all staring at my wooden leg. Even Carter. They have asked me before. I always tell them to mind their own business. They never do.

Carter unwisely joined the chorus of, “How did you lose your foreleg, Mister Wildun?”

I ground my teeth in frustration. Glaring at the lot of them, Carter included, I growled, “All right! I will tell you how I lost my darn foreleg!”

I gestured to the lot of them, Carter included, with my good foreleg. “Just ONE condition. If I tell you, you must NEVER ask me another question about it! Promise?”

Little ponies looked at one another in consternation. Carter even gave it sour consideration. He nodded. “You got it Wildun. Not another question about your leg if you tell me.”

Reluctantly, curiosity getting the better of them, the colts and fillies all agreed.

“OK! I am going to tell you what happened to my leg. But not another question about it, EVER.

“IT WAS BIT OFF!”

~THE END~

Colts!

“You are in big trouble, Hayseed! Hold up or I’m gonna have to arrest you!” shouted the Constable.

Turning about in surprise, Hayseed exclaimed, “What are you talking about, Constable Giper? I didn’t do anything!”

“Farrier’s shop window is broke! He saw you walking away from it AND Ground Nest come told us that it was your fault. That you broke it!”

Confused, Hayseed shook his head, “I didn’t do it at all.”

Constable Giper said gently, “Something don’t add up. Come down to the office with me. We will get Ground Nest and Farrier too. Then we will sort this all out.”

“OK, Constable Giper, Sir. I’ll come with you.”

Hooves plopping up a little summer dust, the two turned and went to the Constables office of the small village of Haymarket.

The constable left Hayseed sitting on a stool in the cool office, with its note board full of fluttering papers.

He returned shortly with Ground Nest, the pegasus colt, and Farrier, Haymarket’s smith, a normally jovial earth pony. Farrier was scowling now.

Ground Nest was grinning ear to ear. “You shouldn’t of broke Farrier’s window, Hayseed! Serve you right for costing me that goal at hoofball!” he crowed.

“I never broke no window! And you did too cheat! You winged that ball! That’s as much against the rule as magicing it.”

“Big Deal! I barely touch that ball. You didn’t have to yell it out like that! Wouldn’t even fight me over it.”

The constable wisely shushed Farrier who was about to interrupt. Constable Giper had foals of his own.

“Wasn’t nothing to fight over. You cheat. You got caught. End of game. I was going home and you chased me. You chucked that rock!”

Ground Nest snapped back, “You broke the window and that is all that there is to it! Your fault, plain and simple!”

Smiling grimly now that he was pretty sure what happened, Constable Giper demanded, “Ground Nest, if you chucked a rock at Hayseed, how did HE break the window?”

“He dodged the rock! Wouldn’t a broke the window if he didn’t! His fault!”

–THE END–