A Wild Guest-Speaker Has Appeared!
Author's Note
Just a funny thought I got after reading another chapter of Silver Glow's Journal, which, I might add, is remarkably fun to read... and comes in tasty little bite sized sampler platters!
I'll probably add 2 more 'chapters' in the coming week or two.
Maybe.
A Wild Guest-Speaker Has Appeared!
"Did you hear? Some big shot pegasus showed up for the eco-class on the quad!"
"Seriously? Like... who? OH! I got it... it's ~Grass Muncher~ or ~Flower Butt~ or something right? They're all just dumb animals anyway, it's not like they can even play CounterStri-"
"Dude, you did NOT just say that."
"Say what? That they're just methane engines with giant f-ing eyes and way too much weed?"
"Whatever... freaking alien ponies with magic and stuff... but, you know, whatever. Go play your Counterstrike and pop your zits or whatever it is you do."
"... ... ... wow... freaking harsh man."
"Sorry."
"..."
"..."
"... so... ~Flower Butt~ then?"
"Man, I am so happy you didn't get pegged for interdimensional relations. We would be so screwed."
"Whatever. I'm getting a burger. Want one?"
"Seriously?"
-~oOo~-
It was into an uncommonly packed lecture hall that the Element of Loyalty, Ace Cloud Buster, Head of the Ponyville Weather Team, and saver of the world (freaking ACE-times over), Rainbow Dash strode in. Pencils stopped. Laptops whirred softly. The creepy guy that never bathed and ate way too many 'brownies' up in the corner, blinked. And all around, the audience held their breath.
Who wouldn't? A blue pegasus with a kids crayon box worth of colors in her mane had just walked into one of the halls of higher learning. A freaking alien, which until about 5 years ago was nothing more than a myth or some little girl's imaginary friend, had just... freaking... WALKED out across the stage and up to the lectern in front of over 90 adults who were wagering their life savings and future debt against the hope that education would give them a much needed edge.
And only about 15 of them were actually enrolled in the class.
"So, I just talk into thiS THIN-.... ok... wow. Twilight was right, these do get loud." Rainbow Dash smirked as she covered the microphone with a hoof. She looked the little silver stalk over for a second before cocking her head back with a wide grin and pulled her hoof away. "Hey Humans! I hear you're talking about the weather, and I'm about the most awesome expert on weather that has ever lived!"
She flipped back her mane, looked over the shocked audience, and glanced at the professor who was looking almost as stunned as the rest of them.
"Or... you know, you can all sit there like rocks and do nothing," she shrugged comically, " no big. Just figured I'd drop in since I was in town and Twilight said I should do some appearances to help with interdimenstral relations."
A soft cough from the audience heralded a timid "did you mean interdimensional?"
"Yheah! That one!"
At which point the professor seemed to rally and politely clap his hands. "Well then... it looks like today's discussion on meteorology will be extra informative. Miss Dash, if I'm not mistaken from the news reports..." the professor looked to Rainbow for a nod of confirmation before smiling and continuing, "is what is known as a 'weather pegasus' from Equestria, if I'm getting the terminology right."
Instantly a number of hands went up, to which the professor looked around, not terribly used to active participation in his classes.
"Now, I'm sure we all have questions, but perhaps if we just let Miss Dash have the floor and hear what she has to say? As I understand it, and remember, this is just second hand knowledge from me - my visitor pass is still being processed - Equestrian ecology, biology, and meteorology is vastly different in mechanics from our own. That being said, there is much we can learn from the Equestrians; especially qualities that we simply cannot experience here on Earth."
What followed was, perhaps, the most lively lecture period in the history of the college's meteorology department.
-~oOo~-
Twilight Sparkle blinked her eyes.
After looking over the crisp sheet of paper two or three more times, she looked up, glanced back at the paper, and repeated those self-same actions again.
Before her stood Rainbow Dash, cocky and confident as always and, after a fifth check to make sure Discord wasn't simply playing a prank again, just the tiniest bit embarrassed.
Lowering the rather long letter in exceptionally small font, Twilight lowered her face to her hoof while leaning on the crystal map in the central throne room of her castle.
"So, let me see if I got this right, Rainbow. You decided to drop by a random school-"
"College" Dash interrupted.
"- college, unannounced -"
"Mostly unannounced. I told my fans on the net."
"-over social media, and took over a room of children?"
"It was totally a gym or something... there was a lot of space and no columns to hold it up. And they weren't foals -"
"kids" Twilight corrected.
"Duh... no one said anything about goats. They were the big ones.... grown ups, and I didn't take over, I just walked in when I saw the little metal thing that said 'meteorology' on the door."
"Meteorology?"
"Yheah, Meteorology Twilight. You know... like clouds and stuff? Weather?"
"I know what it means Rainbow, but... you just walked in and" Twilight gestured at the paper quickly, "THIS?"
Dash grinned a bit before rolling her eyes, "Well yheah! I mean, clouds are great and all, but they just sit around and talk about them over there. They can't DO anything about them and they don't even know all that much."
"Dash! They're not stupid, they know a lot about the weather! They've studied it for centuries! They can predict, to an acceptable degree of certainty, a vast range of conditions and have even set up a world wide network of devices to monitor and track storm systems!"
"Well, yheah, but do they know what a stratus feels like?"
"Wha-"
"Or know where to get the fluffiest cumulus for a pillow?"
"Dash that's not what I mea-"
"And can they blast a pile of bullies' homework with lightning to teach them not to pick on little foals?"
"Of course not, that's... wait what?!"
"Or how about knowing what a cloud wall tastes like?"
"Dash! Whose homework did you-"
"Or know how to fold a thermal just right to make an occluded front?"
"DASH! What bullies were you talki-"
"Of course not! I mean, jeeze Twilight, I know they're smart, but they just can't get the same experience as a pegasus, and YOU told me to help them learn."
Twilight blinked again, warring between commending Dash in a cleanly executed social feint or demanding information about the implied destruction of homework. "Dash... not that I'm not happy to see you tried to 'help' some humans, but you can't just do that." And after a moment, "Or blow up homework... bullies or not."
Rainbow raised an eyebrow. "Really? That's what you got out of that?" Rainbow shook her head a second before pointing at the paper still laying before Twilight. "That thing, THAT says that the humans are being racist."
Twilight, for her part, deadpanned. "They are not."
"Are too."
"Are NOT."
"Are t- I'm not going to do this Twilight. They are too being racist, and that paper proves it!"
"Rainbow, they ARE NOT, and this paper doesn't have anything to do with race, species, subspecies, genus, phylum, or any other delimiter of biology!"
"It does so! It's clearly discriminating against Pegassi... and, maybe griffons."
Twilight looked up for a moment and growled. "It does not and you know it."
"It does too! It says they don't want us there and that they're going to fine us bits for being on Earth."
"It does NOT! Bits and dollars are two different currencies and even if they included a proper exchange rate and conditional fee structure, it has nothing to do with pegassi or griffons!"
"Of course you'd say that, you're a princess, it doesn't apply to you!"
"It does NO-... what?"
Rainbow Dash glared at Twilight for a moment before snorting and flicking her tail angrily. "It says right there that 'Princesses' are exempt from the FAA regulations! The only ones it targets are non-princess flying races, so OF COURSE you'd be just fine with it."
Twilight blinked back a bit, not used to her friend yelling at her, or being called out as being privileged.
"Rainbow, even if that were a factor-"
"which it is"
"-which it is NOT, this letter is about performing a sonic rainboom over occupied human territories, in a suburban setting, without proper authorization!"
"Same freaking thing!"
"It's not!"
"Prove it!"
"Wait... what? What do you mean prove it?"
"I mean, PROVE IT. Prove it isn't discriminatory. Prove it applies to everyone. Prove it doesn't just single us out and give them rights that are not based solely on having feathers!"
Twilight opened her mouth, a frustrated comment almost, but not quite formed on her tongue, before she pulled up the paper and scanned over it again.
Slowly, almost painfully slowly, her frustration melted into confusion, and eventually into an almost painful discomfort as she attempted the mental gymnastics required to find Rainbow's view.
And then it hit her... probably after the third or fourth imagined collision with architectural structures resulting in imagined cranial trauma.... there it was, plain as Celestia's sun.
Twilight looked up slowly, her brows knitted together as she played out the scenario in her head.
"Rainbow, we need to tell Celestia."
...
Five minutes later, and outside of Twilight's hearing, Rainbow Dash let out a happy sigh. "Dang that was close. No way could I have paid that fine."
-~oOo~-
