Til You Believe In Friendship

—Iris! Iris, where are you? Iris!

Beat Link couldn’t see her anywhere; the crowd had just doubled since he left. He was freaked out, his white coat and tricolored mane getting stained with drinks and appetizers while bumping with everypony in the salon. His eyes were still watering, and his voice cracked as he yelled her name over and over.

—IRIS!

It was pointless, the place was too crowded: all the noise in the room made him see awfully weird shapes. He couldn’t bear his head. Beat ran into one of the bathrooms and shut the door. He sat on the toilet and broke to tears again. He was now really on his own, with nopony to come and save him. While watching the dim echoes of the party, he tried to forget what had happened in the last hour, but his memory just seemed to loop the experience in high-def, forcing him to revive it all over again.

After the initial shock of figuring out his condition, an incredible cocktail of incomprehensible feelings arouse inside him: he had finally found out his destiny! Although it wasn’t really clear for him at the time, cutie marks don’t just appear from nothing. And the fact that his was the exact same shapes he could see sealed up the issue. Yet he wasn’t an expert in the subject, his lifetime studies may had taught him a thing or two about synesthesia.

It is known (since somewhat recently, though) that someponies possess an intriguing sort of abilities. While some scientists still think it is a newly-formed way to control magic, the majority state that these talents may be something more complex. Research has found that in these subjects, their brain activity differed a lot from that in manipulating magic. They have found that the perceptive capacities of these ponies are far more developed than in the others. It is still known very little about the topic, but most experts can conclude that the brain connections that these ponies have in their senses are jumbled, or mixed up, inside their head.

Let’s say somepony takes an ordinary pony and a synesthetic pony, and experiments with their senses. While both subjects will perceive a stimulus with a sense, like music with the hearing, the synesthetic pony may interpret it with more than one sense. For this kind of ponies, it is possible to see the sound, or to taste the textures, or even to smell names, depending on the type of their condition. Some types of synesthetic ponies can perceive and link together things like colors and glyphs, or time and space. It is not that they just think it happens, but they really feel stimuli differently, they associate one thing with the other. Their mind can make connections beyond the senses and actually interpret things in different ways.

Yet Beat made his own diagnosis and should have go seen a specialist before assuming things, he was too excited about it to even think. He rushed out of the party, fascinated by the entire world that had just opened for him. The chats, the traffic, the signs; every ordinary noise in the Big Apple had now a visual form. It was amazing! With his newly-tattooed flanks, he hurried home to show all of this to his family. He didn’t care about how he had disobeyed his parents, or about how all of her mother’s dreams may have been crushed, not even about the hour; he just wanted to show off his luck to his parents.

Forgetting completely about Iris or the party, he arrived to his apartment building and got inside. His parents must have already arrived. He got upstairs a bit nervous, but tried to calm down when getting to his door. He opened it slowly; his dad was sitting in a chair right in front of the door, reading a book with a neutral expression. He talked with a creepy, too-peaceful tone.

—Where were you?

Beat felt every bit of worry give rise for anger in his dad’s voice when he answered. His dad looked at him right into his eyes, which were the exact same tone of his. He started to feel frightened.

—I… I was at the party

Even the photisms he saw shivered while he talked.

—I thought your mom said you could not —his father said while taking a deep swoop of his smoking pipe, keeping the same weird voice reserved only for deep anger. Beat tried to chill things up by announcing the good news.

—Yeah, but look, I found my cutie mark! I finally know what my destiny is! —he said while stripping off of his clothes to show his flank. He thought his dad would be really angry, or confused, even disappointed. That would have even made him a bit happy. But when his father looked at him, Beat saw in his eyes something completely different; something he didn’t even think of: fear. For a fraction of second his father looked at his cutie mark with authentic horror.

—W-where did you get it? —he said nervously, suddenly getting tense. Beat didn’t know what to say for a moment.

—I was at the party and… well… just heard some music and it suddenly popped out —he was totally confused about his dad’s reaction, who was now getting even angrier than before.

—I suddenly popped out… —he repeated slowly —So, you’re trying to convince me that your destiny is… listening to music? —he said sarcastically.

—Well, it does sound weird if you look it that way, but I can also see it, ‘cause I…

—Of course it sounds weird, Beat, that’s not a thing! You can’t do anything worthy with such a “talent”! How are you going to earn your living? Did you even think of that? Or it just didn’t “popped out” in your head? —He said madly and a little crazed.

—Well, maybe it would have if my head wasn’t already full of that shit you always make me read. —Beat replied curtly.

—It is not shit, you kid! You were supposed to use it in your future. Now I don’t think you even have a future! —his dad was getting really pissed off. No one, not even his son, talks to him like that.

—Why do you say that, because it’s not what you and mom wanted?

—No, I say it because it’s stupid!

—It’s not stupid! Can you please let me finish?! —Beat tried to talk slower, but the anger was starting to boil inside him —I don’t just “listen to music”. I can see it; with my eyes. I have synesthesia.

His dad knew what it was about, but just didn’t care.

—So what will you do, just look at some pity shapes and pretty colors that no one else can?

Beat didn’t know what to answer; his dad’s reaction had taken him completely by surprise. So he said the first thing that came to his mind.

—Well, at least I will be able go out and not pretend that I live a happy life!

—…What?

—What you heard! Don’t you know how hard it is for me to pretend I’m happy?

—What do you mean? Do you think we don’t look after you? —his father seemed hurt for the first time.

—Oh, please, I know you don’t! You just leave me alone all day long studying. I need to go out, meet other ponies. I need friends! Is it a crime to just ask for a break? Now, because of you, everypony thinks I’m some kind of freak!

—Beat, I didn’t… Listen, we do this because we love you. We do! You know we are far older and more experienced than you. We know how the world works. We don’t want you to make a mistake you will not be able to correct.

—Well, maybe I think ponies should make mistakes. I’m always alone, I never go out, I have nopony to talk with, not even you two… I’ve got nothing!

—Believe me; you’ve got more than a lot of other ponies do…

—Like what?! —Beat was getting out of his wits. He couldn’t endure that the first long chat he and his dad had in months was another argument. He really didn’t want to fight, but the words just kept on coming from his mouth almost unconsciously.  His father just tried to keep things chill.

—You’ve got a place to go at night, a roof over your head… You’ve got food on your fridge and fancy clothes to wear… You really should not envy what you don’t have and appreciate what you do have.

—Well, I can’t! I need love, I need support! It just seems that you get rid of me on every chance you get! You gave me a scholarship for my birthday, for the sake of Celestia! It’s like you didn’t even want me in the first place!

For a moment, Beat thought his father was too angry to answer, but instead he saw a hint if something else on his look… a bit of doubt… of remorse…

—You didn’t… You really didn’t want me… —He was just about to cry. That was the straw that broke the camel.

—No, Beat, we…

—Do you even like me?

—Of course I do, Beat! It’s just… we don’t want you to be hurt, alright?

—Oh, so then you think I’m weak?

—No, Beat! You’re turning this all over! You have to see how far parents can go for their children!

Beat kept silent.

—Listen, is true your childhood wasn’t entirely normal; you grew up too fast. But likewise all things it happened for a reason. And you’ll have to learn to live with it.

—Yeah, that’s the exact same thing you told me when I found out why I couldn’t do magic as you two… —Beat said dryly.

Now it was his father’s turn to mute.

—Beat, we’ve talked about this…

—Yes, I know, but it still hurts! And people just mock at me and tell me I’m a dishonor, an anomaly and all sort of things!

—…I know it can be hard sometimes dealing with the fact that you broke a family… “tradition”, and even more in a family like ours, but it’s just how life happens. There’s nothing you can do about it but to go along with it

—But dad, ever since you started teaching me at home, everypony thinks that I’m stupid, that I wasn’t smart enough for a real school!

—And do you think that I care?! And you shouldn’t care as well! I do what I think it’s better and I’m proud of it!

—THEN WHY DO YOU FORCE ME TO DO SOMETHING I DON’T WANT TO?! CAN’T YOU JUST FUCKING SEE HOW INCONGRUENT THAT SOUNDS?! YOU CAN’T MAKE ALL MY CHOICES FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!

—BECAUSE IT IS THE ONLY WAY I CAN KEEP YOU SAFE!

—SAFE FROM WHAT?!

—SAFE FROM HIM!

A hush fell upon the room. Law covered his muzzle with his hooves with a terrified look. Beat was completely confused. What the hell had he just said?

—Dad, what did you…

—Nothing, I said nothing.

—But you just…

—I SAID NOTHING! —His tone claimed absolute silence, only broken by quick hoofsteps coming from the hallway.

—What in Equestria is going on in here?! —Beat’s mother was standing right behind of his dad’s couch, still wearing her robe, watching the stallion’s and the colt’s eyes looking at each other with intense hate.

—Nothing, Goldie, just go back to sleep.

—Nothing?! I’m sorry, but somepony doesn’t just scream like crazy at 1 in the morning for nothing! And where in the love of Celestia where you! Your father and I were so worried! —she said towards Beat.

—…Well, it doesn’t seem like —he replied without taking his eyes from his dad’s.

—Wha-… Law, can you please tell me what is going on?

—What is going on is that I’m just realizing how you both treat me! —Beat shouted to her. Golden was stunned; she had never seen Beat so demented.

—What are you talking about? Is this because of the new school? Listen Beat, we are not changing you again; we’ve made our choice and we are keeping it!

—But why do you have to choose? Don’t you think I should control my own life?

—Well, I do think that you… —her mom turned dead silent when she realized his son’s flank wasn’t plain white anymore; she had on her face the most terrified expression Beat had ever seen.

—Oh my…!

—Why are you both acting like that? Is just a cutie mark! —Beat said when he saw his mother’s face, feeling a bit uncomfortable above all the other feelings.

—Law, we have to do something!

—I know, I know! Why do you think we are arguing? But what can we do?

—I don’t know, you tell me! Oh, god, what if they find out? We are all in danger!

—Ok, listen, I am not going to stay here to hear you talking nonsense anymore: you better start answering my questions and telling me what is going on or I swear I will ditch the hell out of the apartment!

Of course Beat didn’t really mean it; he just wanted his parents to tell him the truth. But they didn’t give in to his threat.

—And do you think that we are letting you to do such thing?! Sorry, folk, but you’re grounded! Yes, no more running out, no more lying to us…! It’s over! And you better start forgetting about that fallow year in Ponyville you have been planning!

Beat was so irate he might well have rushed over his dad and grind him to death at that moment. His mind couldn’t take more, he was going nuts. He had to get out of there.

—Why are you like this?! What have I done to you?! I HATE YOU!

His mother gasped a bit, but his father didn’t even flinch; he wasn’t giving him the pleasure. Beat wasn’t as tough as him, but also wasn’t losing this one, and before their parents could even react, he turned around and went off like crazy towards the street below. He could hear, and see, his parent’s calls for him, getting fainter and fainter each hoofstep, but he just kept going downstairs until he was outside. It was icy cold and raining. He didn’t care. He was only thinking about getting as far away as possible from them. He was sick of them. He ran and ran until his legs couldn’t keep the pace he wanted them to.

When the adrenaline rush ended, he started to analyze his actions. He broke into a pathetic crying right in the empty alleys of the city, far away from home. His legs kept on going automatically for some time. His head was hurting, along with his heart. He was ashamed of himself. He had to fix this. He needed somepony to talk to… “Iris…” he thought.

He started to run again, headed for the party; it was just a few blocks ahead. He looked for her everywhere. He yelled for her. He cried for her. But nopony came to his aid. He finally gave up and locked himself in the bathroom to cry.

Sadden, he thought about leaving the city. After what happened he just couldn’t return; his parents might hate him so badly they would kick him out of their apartment anyway. He had been a complete asshole. No apologies would ever excuse him.

He got out of the bathroom and of the mansion. With his head down, he walked slowly down the street towards nowhere. Rain was falling with force; he was soaked to the marrow, but yet there were a lot of ponies looking outside their windows. There were even some ponies standing right in the street. They were watching the sky, astonished by what was taking place right above their heads.

Beat was too upset to realize what was happening. “Tough birthday, huh? Yes, I earned my cutie mark, but was it worth it?” He tried to hold on to the tiniest fraction of strength he could find, yet he was still crushed in the inside; he completely forgot about the outside world. He didn’t get to see how the storm clouds moved a bit awkwardly across the sky, all of them getting closer to the ground below. He didn’t see the golden glimmer that the night was giving everywhere; neither he felt how warm the water had turned.

He didn’t grasp at how the clouds seemed to dance and shake above him while pouring down its magical tonic.