Pop Goes the Bunny

by PegasusMesa

Rating: teen
Tags: Fluttershy, Random, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Angel, Comedy
Length: 1356

Well, more of an icky squish than a pop, but you get the idea.

Death is a natural part of life. Exploding out of your anus, however, is not.

Dedicated to TGM, Rainedash, and Kamikakushi, who gave their lives in the prereading of this work. May they rest in peace.

Published 2016-03-06 16:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-03-06 16:50:01 UTC

Like a Bunny Bomb

A slack-jawed Twilight Sparkle stared down in horror. Where seconds ago there had been a cute little bunny rabbit glaring up at her, now only a slick splattering of uncute bunny innards remained, along with a white, furry pile of skin on Fluttershy’s living room carpet. Twilight wiped Angel Bunny-shrapnel off of her face. In a moment of disturbing clarity, she found herself thinking of how much it had resembled a snake shedding its skin. Except more disgusting.

Definitely more disgusting.

Sudden hoofsteps sent Twilight scrambling back, tripping over her legs and crashing into the coffee table. “Fluttershy!” she said. “I don’t—he just—”

Balancing a tray of drinks on her back, Fluttershy walked out of the kitchen with slow, measured steps. A chair stood between her and Angel’s remnants, but a few more steps and she would see. She would know. Twilight’s heartbeats sped up until they pounded in her ears.

“Would you like some tea?” Fluttershy asked sweetly. “I made a pot of Earl Hay, just for you.” Two more steps.

“Fluttershy.” Twilight gave a loud gulp. “It’s—I don’t know how it happened, but...” The words stuck in her throat; she couldn’t get them out. It had been like the party poppers her parents always bought for her foalhood birthdays, the ones where she would just pull the string and the confetti and candy would burst out the—

She slapped herself across the face. Don’t think about it. Don’t think about it. Don’t think about it.

Fluttershy took another slow step forward. “Is something the matter?” The concern in her eyes almost broke Twilight’s heart. She took a deep breath.

“I’m so sorry,” she said, ears drooping, “but Angel Bunny, he—I don’t know what happened.” She lifted a shaky hoof and pointed.

“Angel Bunny?” Fluttershy craned her head to see around the chair. “What happened to—” Her words cut off as the late Angel Bunny came into sight.

“He was just standing there,” Twilight said. “Looking up at me. I didn’t do anything, I swear! I didn’t touch him! He was just looking at me! Then—” As she spoke, her words came faster and faster “—then he just squeaked and bent over, and… and... ” She swallowed. “He party-popped.”

“He what?” Fluttershy asked.

Twilight threw her forelegs up. “It just all blew out his little bunny bottom! Like a tube of icing when you jump on it! He exploded like a fluffy white hoof-grenade!” After a few moments of heavy breathing, her eyes widened. “Oh my gosh, Fluttershy, I’m sorry! I didn’t… I got carried away. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Fluttershy said, deftly slipping the tray of drinks onto the coffee table. “These things happen." She held out a cup. "Tea?”

“These things what?” Twilight glanced at at Angel’s remains, which somehow had started to smoke, then back at her friend. “Aren’t you upset about this?”

Fluttershy shook her head. “Of course not. We all say things we don’t mean sometimes, and it’s my responsibility as a good friend to forgive you for it.” She lifted a steaming teapot and poured two small glasses.

“I don’t mean about what I said.” Twilight found herself accepting the drink, even though her hoof shook so badly she spilled some over the side. “I mean, aren’t you upset over Angel?”

“A little bit,” Fluttershy said after a moment as she took a seat on the couch behind the coffee table.

“Fluttershy, I’m really sorry for your—”

“Do you know how hard it is to clean this carpet?” Fluttershy went on. “I may just have to buy a new one.”

Twilight blinked once, then again before standing up. “Fluttershy.” She set her cup on the table; it clattered against the polished wood. “Your pet just exploded.”

“He certainly did.” Fluttershy sipped at her tea and frowned. “Hm… maybe it needs more sugar?”

“Fluttershy. Your pet. Just exploded.” Twilight felt her nerves stretching to their limits. “Right in front of me. For no apparent reason.”

“Oh, I’m sure there was a reason,” Fluttershy said as she dunked a pair of sugar-cubes into her cup.

“Of course there’s a reason!” Twilight racked her brain for some sort of scientific explanation as to why a cute, fuzzy little bunny rabbit’s innards would blast out his rear seemingly at random, almost like a popcorn kernel being cooked in slow motion. Her stomach lurched at the comparison.

Fluttershy stirred her tea. “There’s no need to shout, Twilight. It was probably all that poison ivy he ate.”

“How did that happen?” Twilight asked. She collapsed backwards onto the chair before her legs gave out. The acrid smell of burnt hair made her wrinkle her nose.

“He found some and ate it,” Fluttershy said, taking another sip. “Mm, much better. A little sugar can go a long way.” She gave a soft smile.

“So he just found poison ivy and ate it,” Twilight said. She could feel her heart finally calming down, although the shaking hadn’t stopped yet. It was hard for her to blame herself, though—after all, she had just seen a bunny rabbit explode in front of her like a firewor—

She slapped herself again. Don’t think about it! Don’t think about it!

“Yes,” Fluttershy said with a weary sigh. “Honestly, you can’t turn your back on a bunny rabbit for ten seconds these days without them eating a pound of poison ivy for supper.”

Twilight’s eyebrows shot up. “A pound? Where would he find that? Did he run off into the Everfree Forest?”

“No,” Fluttershy said.

“Then… where was he when he ate it?” She resisted an urge to glance at Angel's gruesome remains to see if she could pick out anything that looked like partially digested poison ivy.

“Here at home.”

Twilight frowned. “So, you forgot to feed him, and he got hungry and ate something that looked tasty?”

“I certainly did not!” Fluttershy said, words dripping with disdain. “What kind of mommy would I be if I didn’t feed my baby?”

"Then did he eat something earlier?” Twilight asked. She resisted the urge to snort at how well "Mama" was taking her baby’s grotesque demise. “Did he fill up on snacks and not eat dinner, but got hungry later on?”

Fluttershy tittered into her teacup. “Oh, Twilight, of course not. I make sure my babies don’t eat too much between meals. Snacking has its place, but three balanced meals are very important to stay healthy.”

“This doesn’t—”

“In fact,” Fluttershy went on, “the only thing my little Angel ate between lunch and supper was half of Mommy’s brand new curtains that cost her three-hundred bits. She couldn’t even give the scraps to Rarity to salvage anything.” She took another sip. “Twilight, your tea is getting cold!”

Twilight stared at her calm friend for a moment. “If he was here at home, and you fed him dinner, then why would he eat something so obviously dangerous? And why are you so calm about—”

“Twilight.” Fluttershy’s voice cut through Twilight’s like a knife. She gave a sweet smile. “You sure are asking a lot of questions.”

“Yes I am, because—”

“Twilight.” That saccharine smile widened. “Please, let’s not waste time discussing the whys and hows. Let’s just remember the good times and move forward. Angel would want that.”

“But—”

“Twilight.”

For a long moment, Twilight stayed silent. Angel had finally stopped smoking, even though only a few minutes had passed since he had blasted out his little bunny intestines. It was just like whenever Pinkie would eat a jelly doughnut but bite down on the wrong end and all the filling would erupt out the other side—

Her stomach gurgled, and only through supreme force of will did she manage to keep her breakfast down.

“You know what?” she said. “I agree. Let’s stop talking and thinking about this altogether.” A sense of peace replaced her nausea as she and Fluttershy settled in for a nice, long conversation about all manner of topics that weren’t even tangentially related to rabbits, explosions, or angels.

And all the while, Angel Bunny burned in hell for the rest of eternity.