Secret Weapon

by KingMoriarty

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Queen Chrysalis, Sex, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Flurry Heart
Length: 1219

Queen Chrysalis has a diabolical plan to get her revenge on Cadance and Shining Armor. Now if only she could tell herself about it.

The changelings have been plotting their revenge ever since the wedding, to little avail. Most of their sleeper agents have been rooted out, there are regular guard patrols along the borders of the Badlands, and every deal they've made has been betrayed in record time. The only changelings not starving to death are the ones who have sold off the queen's secrets for clemency.

But despite all of these setbacks, Queen Chrysalis has a plan. A plan that, if she pulls it off, could topple the Crystal Empire in one fell swoop. Of course, it has more than its fair share of risks, but the reward will make it all worth it.

Rated Teen for brief descriptions of the various mechanisms of birth.

Also, don't worry about spoiler tags. The premise of this piece should seem fairly obvious.

Written before Season 6

Published 2016-03-09 22:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-03-09 22:30:01 UTC

Brilliance of the Queen

I am.

Yes. Yes, I am. Good to see that my self-awareness survived the procedure. Cogito ergo sum is an important part of this complete breakfast.

I am... I am....

Yes, thank you, me. I think we've established our own existence.

I am... me.

Amazing discovery there, subconscious. I suppose next you'll be telling us that the sky is blue.

But... what is me?

The question is "Who am I", you idiot. I swear, if you're going to get sidetracked by pointless musings, you could at least...

Who am I?

Oh no. Oh, no. No, no, no no no NO! This cannot be happening! Seriously? I mean, SERIOUSLY?

Who am I?

You're Queen Chrysalis! I mean, I'M Queen Chrysalis, but you're me! Queen of the Changelings, Devourer of Hearts, soon-to-be sovereign of the Crystal Empire? Ring any bells?

You... Chrysalis?

Yes, yes, that's right. I'm Chrysalis. And you're me.

But if you're Chrysalis, then who am I?

CHRYSALIS! Honestly, this isn't that hard! Why are we even having this argument? What the hell are you?

I am me. And you are Chrysalis.

No, WE are Chrysalis! Wait, what am I saying? There is no we! I am Chrysalis!

And I am me.

You are me, you insipid little toad! I'm the consciousness, the body, the soul, the whole nine yards! You're not even supposed to exist!

What am I?

Don't change the subject, you moron! I am a changeling, and I've only got a year to work out a concept of time before I get born!

Am I a baby? Is that why I'm so small?

Yes. For all intents and purposes, I am a baby right now. It's part of a long-term infiltration strat... Wait, why do you think you're small?

I remember being huge. Remember how long my legs used to be. Short and stubby right now.

Yes. I've had to cut down on muscle mass for this mission.

My wings are so big. And my horn is almost as big as my head.

It was this or starve myself until I didn't have internal organs. I chose the lesser evil. At least it's still a vaguely equine shape.

You said you were a queen. Why are you on the front lines?

There are some tricks that drones just can't pull off. Fetus substitution is one of them.

What's a fetus?

It's a guilt-free way of saying 'baby that's still in the womb'.

Did you eat a baby to get in here?

Nothing so morbid. I just took an opportunity to make them think a fetus was there.

How did you do that?

She fell asleep on a train. They're a very active couple, so they weren't suspicious. Next thing you know, I'm gorging myself on the richest bouquet the Equestrians can offer.

But my mouth doesn't even work. How am I so full?

Stop thinking like a pony. I'm a changeling. The only sustenance I need is love.

Somebody loves me? But how can they know me? The only thing that knows me is you.

It's pretty obvious that you're here. Pregnancies aren't known for being easy things to conceal. And yes, they do love you. Both of them.

Why?

Because...

Huh. That's weird.

What?

Nothing, it's just... I've never actually thought about why parents would love their children this much. I mean, they don't know anything about you, except maybe what gender you're going to be. But this love is more pure, more delicious, than anything I felt the last time. I'm surprised I haven't burst.

Should my tummy be hurting? Because it doesn't.

Well, of course not. I turned off my pain receptors for this mission. I'm getting gallons of unneeded nutrients pumped into me by this dumb mare. Unless I want to kick my way out of her at seven months, I had to turn the pain off.

I can get out of here?

Not with this form, you can't. The horn can't puncture, these wings don't have enough muscle mass to unfold fast enough, and there is no way I'm going to the trouble of growing claws right now.

Claws? Is it really so strong?

Not by much. Go on, feel for yourself.

Baby's first kick, indeed. How does it feel, Cadence?

Cadence? Is that my name?

No, Cadence is your mother. Well, in a way. You'll have to treat her like your mother for the first few years.

Years?

Yes, years. A few weeks posing as Cadence made me strong enough to take on Celestia. A childhood as her beloved alicorn princess daughter will make me the most powerful creature of all time!

What about your children?

My children? Wait, how the Tambelon do you know about them?

You think louder than you scream.

Right. Well, they're going for the slow burn. I have double agents everywhere. Celestia thinks they've defected, but all they're doing is building a new hive inside Equestria's borders. Sure, there'll be a few hundred thousand deaths, but we have to think about the big picture.

And what is the big picture?

A world full of love for our species to gorge itself on for all eternity. The daughter of the Princess of Love is the most ideally placed pony to guide Equestrian civilization in the ways we need. Ergo, I am here.

But why am I here?

If I had to hazard a guess, I'd say it was magic. The body forming a new identity independent of the mind... Maybe I've ended up stepping on destiny's tail, and this is its way of punishing me.

Will I still be here when we're born?

Oh, there's no question of that. The body is responding to you now. I can't even twitch a muscle. If anything, I'll be the one to fade away into nothing.

What? No! Who will I have to talk to?

There'll be an entire empire at your beck and call. You'll hardly meet any definitions of lonely.

But what about the changelings?

Even if I never take over, this plan has been set up so that they'll have flawlessly integrated into Equestria by the turn of the century. They won't even need me at that point.

...
They'll have me.

Author's Note

So, this is a thing.

Okay, some context. Since Flurry Heart first poked those wings out from her swaddling, I've been constantly putting forth the theory that she's a changeling infiltrator. Partly because that would be a great way to bring back the changelings, and partly because children with hideous birth defects are the entire origin for the changeling legend.

So for the second time, welcome to my inarticulate regurgitation of headcanon! If I were forced to compare it to The Stars Did Aid In Our Escape, I'd definitely say this one's got the edge. That's probably just me being jaded about the past, though. They're probably somewhere around the same skill level (i.e., guttershite).

If for some reason you enjoyed this short romp of stupid, be sure to leave a comment telling me why. If you hated it, I'd still urge you to comment, so that I can know what I did wrong.

And because it's been going through my head a hundred times a second since I started writing:

Original