How to Fake Your Pregnancy (without really trying)

"So, how did your appointment go?" Princess Cadance asked Shining Armor as he returned to their royal suite in Canterlot Castle while they visited. They were able to speak freely now that they were safely in their royal chambers, away from the prying ears of the common ponies.

"It went... fine," he said. "It looks like I actually have a high sperm count, and volume, so..."

"So it's not you. It's me," she said.

"Cadie,"

"No, it's okay. I kind of already figured that you had a high sperm count," she said.

"Really? How?" he asked.

"I have to chew before I swallow," she joked, causing them both to giggle. It was good levity to break the serious tone of the discussion. "I'm going to talk to Auntie Tia tomorrow morning, and then I'll probably make an appointment for myself based on her recommendation."

"Okay. That sounds like a good plan," he agreed. His appointment had been late in the evening. Which made for an even later dinner. By the time they finished eating, both ponies were ready to retire to the bed.

"So," Cadance began, "do you want to... 'try' again tonight? It can't hurt."

"Wow. You really are insatiable," he said, smiling. "I'm such a lucky stallion. But, to be honest, after, er, 'providing a sample' today, I'm feeling a little... shall we say, drained?"

"Ooh, my poor baby," Cadance teased, scooting over to his side of the bed, diving under the covers. "Is my poor little captain all out of ammunition?" she said from beneath the sheets, nuzzling his balls with her nose. Gentle as she was, he was still feeling a little tender. He reached down with his hoof, in a rare display, actually halting her sexual advances.

"Yeah, actually," he groaned.

"Wow. This is a first," she said, genuinely surprised.

"I just need some sleep, and a tall glass of water," he said, sliding out of bed, getting some water to drink. "Don't worry. Well be doing plenty of 'trying' very soon."

"I'm looking forward to it."

"Me too, sweetie."

"Good morning Auntie Luna," Cadance said, greeting the other alicorn on her way to the Cosmic Patio. It was little more than a raised section of cobblestone in the Canterlot Castle courtyard. But it had been, and now continued to be, the meeting place for the royal sisters at shift change.

"Not yet," Princess Luna replied, more curt than she had intended.

"It was a beautiful night, Auntie. I'm so grateful that the advent of electricity in recent centuries has allowed ponied to stay up and enjoy it more now," Cadance said, trying to remain diplomatic.

"As are we," Luna replied. Cadance walked beside her quietly for a bit.

"Um, I'm going to be having tea with Auntie Tia after the sunris- er, moonset. Would you like to join us? I would like it if you did. I'm sure she would, too." Cadance said.

"Thou needn't speak upon our sister's behalf. If thou wishes our attendance, thine desire is enough."

"Okay. Thank you."

"Thou art most welcome, Cadenza." Luna stepped up onto the Cosmic Patio. As if on cue, Princess Celestia lofted down from her private chamber's balcony, landing silently beside her younger sister. Luna took to the air, horn aglow, lowering the moon as she drifted back down to the ground, its pale face slipping below the horizon. As Luna's hooves returned to Terra firma, Celestia's horn glowed in turn, as she took to the air. Gaining altitude, the brilliant sliver of light crested the edge of the sky, growing into an iridescent disk, illuminating all the land, and signalling the beginning of the new day.

"Good morning, sister," Princess Celestia greeted.

"Good morning, sister," Princess Luna replied back. "Our niece hath invited us to attend for morning tea. Doth thou find this agreeable?"

"You don't ever have to ask for permission, Lu," Celestia said, taking Luna's hoof in hers. "You know you are always welcome to join me, day," Celestia leaned in, nuzzling Luna's cheek with her own, "or night."

"Tea time!" Cadance said, thinking it best to not read into that last part too much.

The three alicorns sat around the ornate table in Celestia's breakfast nook. Cadance sipped her tea as Celestia and Luna waited to let theirs steep a bit longer. If it was one thing that immortality taught, it was patience.

"So, Cadance, what brings you back to Canterlot this weekend?" Celestia asked.

"Yes, Cadenza, we are also curious to the nature of thine visit," Luna said, "Prithee, how doth the Crystal Empire fair in thine absence?"

"The Crystal Empire will be okay for a couple of days." Cadance said.

"Thou art too reckless with thine rule!" Luna spat. "Ruling requires constant vigilance! The commoners could stage a coup, and attempt to usurp thine throne for a-" Luna shuddered, "democracy."

"Luna!" Celestia scolded. "We do NOT use that word around here! I am certain that Cadance is maintaining the subjugation of her Empire well in hoof." Cadance looked back and forth between the two matriarchs.

"I... am," she assured them. "Shining Armor and I will be heading back tomorrow. So don't worry."

"How fairs thine prince?" Luna asked, changing the subject.

"That's actually what I came to talk to you about this morning," Cadance explained. "We've been trying for some time to have a foal, but it has been unsuccessful," she said, motioning to her narrow abdomen, "clearly. And he made an appointment to check his fertility, and they said that he is a healthy, virile stallion. So that must mean that it must be me who is having trouble conceiving. So I was wondering if one of you could recommend a good fertility doctor I could speak to." Celestia and Luna exchanged nervous glances.

"Did thou not tell her!?" Luna asked of her sister.

"Um, it may have slipped my mind at the time."

"What did? At what time?" Cadance asked Celestia.

"Hoo, oh boy. Okay, now, don't be mad, but, um, I may have forgotten to mention that alicorns can't have foals," Celestia said.

"Thou didn't tell her before her ascension!?" Luna barked. Cadance was on the verge of tears.

"I- I can't have foals!? Ever!?"

"I'm sorry Cadance," Celestia said. "That's the price of immortality. We can not breed more immortals. It would not be a sustainable population. You must understand."

"But, but I could have? As a pegasus?" she asked. Celestia nodded. Cadance wanted to be mad. She wanted to punch and kick the pony that took away her ability to bear young. But more than anything, she just wanted a hug from somepony who loved her. A hug that Celesta was more than happy to provide. Cadance wept into her alabaster fur. Luna glared at her elder sister.

"Thou should have informed thine niece before! Should we assume that Princess Twilight is likewise uninformed?" Luna accused.

"...Maybe?" Celestia admitted. Luna threw her hooves into the air.

"In thy absence for just ONE millennium, and this is how events proceed!?" Luna barked. She placed a hoof softly on Cadance's cheek. "We apologize for our sister's behavior. If there is anything at all that thou require, thou need only ask," she said. "Now, if we art excused, we shall retire to thy bedchamber for the remainder of the day." Luna tried her best to make it not look like she was storming off. She tried at least. And then she stormed off.

"Auntie, what am I going to do? Shining and I were both looking forward to having a foal together."

"Well, Cadance, it just so happens that I have a solution for you. Adoption."

"But, for the foal to be my and Shining's heir to the Crystal Empire, it would have to be by birth!"

"Yes, that is the law of the land. And we can't change that without causing serious upheaval," Celestia said.

"I don't understand what you are getting at," Cadance said.

"Cadance, do you want a foal to call your own? Enough to do whatever it takes?"

"I do!" Cadance said. Celestia took out a quill and parchment, writing down a few things for her.

"Cadance, make a visit to Dr. Dova."

"My OB/GYN?"

"Yes, ours, actually. He is the only doctor privy to our royal... privies. He and his apprentice, when he takes one. The nature of his practice as it pertains to our royal posteriors is a closely guarded profession. But he is a pony I trust with the task. I will send word ahead for him to expect you, and I will arrange the means for him to move his practice to the Crystal Empire for as long as you require... his service."

"Auntie, it's me. Please don't be cryptic."

"I'm sorry Cadance. But Luna is right. You, as an alicorn, will never be able to conceive a foal. But if you really want a foal and you choose to adopt, you are going to have to fake your pregnancy."