What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

“You inferior little foals, you face Nightmare Moon, the bringer of eternal night! Run and hide, my little ponies,” You could almost taste the sheer amount of disdain and sarcasm in her voice with the last line. “Because I shall usher in a new and improved world alone, bringing eternal night upon all of you!” She dissolved into a mocking laugh at the end of her little soapbox moment.

“Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME!” I yelled at Nightmare Moon. I pointed my finger towards the road to Canterlot and looked at her. “Get the fuck out, NOW! GTFO!”

“You foolish foal of a human, you can’t even think about telling me what to do!” The sky began to cloud up with dark black thunder clouds.

Shawn began to fumble with the small satchel on his side.

“Shawn, what are you doing?” I asked, being a bit scared.

“Even if this thing won’t stop Nightmare Moon it still can slow her down.” Shawn replied.

“Nightmare... fuckin’...BITCH! No one will bow-”

“DON’T YOU DARE SAY THAT TO ME, INFERIOR SHAVED APE! I WILL SHOW YOU THE TRUE MEANING OF PAIN!”

“Hahaha, don’t make me laugh, looking at you already hur-”

I was interrupted by Nightmare Moon lifting me up with her hair, bringing me close to her face.

“That was the last straw, you shaved monkey. I’m going to make sure that nopony will be-”

Nightmare Moon was interupted by a loud explosion. Both Nightmare Moon and I looked to see Shawn holding something up in the air with smoke from it. Wait, what is that... Hold on... No way, Its...

A Flintlock.

“SHAWN WHY THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE A FUCKING GUN!” I yelled hystericly.

“It’s better than that, it’s a god damn flintlock!” he replied

Nightmare Moon dropped me because of the sudden surprise of the gunshot. I took this change to try to kick her in the head. I backed up a little back and jumped...I’M NOT TALL ENOUGH TO REACH HER FUCKING HEAD!

Nightmare’s focus quickly switched from Shawn to me as a smile appeared on her face. However, her attention was still mostly focused on Shawn, seeing that he had the loud thing.

“Pim, get to work on what you need to do!” Shawn says as he begins to sprint off.

“GET BACK HERE!” Nightmare went tearing after Shawn

“SOMEONE GET ME SOME DUCTAPE, FAST” I yelled. Suddenly Pinkie pushed a roll of ductape in my hand.

“Here you go silly!” Pinkie said in my face. She was gone before I could even say. ‘Thanks’

I unstrapped a small part of the roll, ready to use. I began my chase for Nightmare... fuckin’... Moon with the roll in my hand. “COME HERE, YOU DEMON OF THE NIGHT!”

“LETS GO BENNY HILL ON THIS BITCH!” A random voice resounded out into the town.

And soon, we had a chase scene that was worthy of the music now miraculously playing into the town.

I was chasing Nightmare, Nightmare was chasing Shawn, and Shawn was running like his ass was on fire.

Shawn ran to Sugarcube Corner’s front door, opened it and disappeared. Nightmare Moon soon did the same thing but stood eye in eye with me. We stood in a small corridor in someponies house.

“Eeuuh, Hi Nightmare.” I awkwardly said.

“I don’t know how we got here, but I guess I’ll still be able to do what I was doing before all of this.” Nightmare took a few steps towards me.

“NOPE!” I yelled, slapped her in her face and skedaddled the fuck out of that corridor. I opened a different door and smashed it behind me.

I was somewhere dark, but I put my hand in front of myself. That opened the door and made me fall out of a cupboard. I observed the cupboard I fell out off...

OHMAHGAWD! Wine, rum, vodka! How do these things get here!

I grabbed a bottle of rum and ran to the first door I saw. I’ll drink this later...

Meanwhile, at Zecora’s shed, Shawn opened the door. “How did I get here...”

Back in Ponyville, Nightmare Moon was still running around. She felt suddenly something heavy on her back. She turned her head to see what it was.

“‘Ello poppet!” Pim was sitting on her back, like she was a riding horse. He sounded a lot like a certain glass-eyed pirate.

“WHA-” Nightmare Moon couldn’t even finish the word before taking a bottle of rum to the head. She sunk down to the floor and Pim got off of her.

“Such a waste of booze...” Pim said and let out a little sniff. “Aight! Ductape time!”

Nightmare Moon slowly woke up. She tried step out of her bed like she normally does, but this time she wasn’t able to move. She looked around, she was in a pitch black room. She tried to move again, again, getting no results. She tried to look at her body and saw what caused it. She was completely duct-taped to a chair. She heard a door open, and some footfalls told her that some people just walked in. It remained silent for several minutes until Shawn started talking.

“So, what are you doing down here in Ponyville, Mrs. High and Mighty ruler, hmm?”

“What do you think, human? I was doing what a ruler does when she takes control. I was talking to my subjects.”

“Talking with your subjects, or starting trouble with them if they didn’t follow orders?”

“Naturally while in a state of power, the one in charge has to... Make certain decisions on how to deal with their belligerents.”

Shawn slams his hands onto a table, “What is your deal Nightmare Moon!”

Nightmare laughed. Once. Then she laughed twice. She finally melted down into peals of maniacal laughter. This laughter was strangely familiar...

Shawn pulled out his flintlock, fully loaded, and pointed it at Nightmare Moon. “Answer the question or I will give you something to laugh about after all you’ve done!”

The laughter began to increase in intensity. Nightmare’s eyes shrunk down to complete pinpricks.

Shawn clenched his teeth, “Answer the FUCKING question!”

Nightmare was completely gone, laughing so hard that it looked like she should have ran out of air.

Shawn took aim, and pulled the trigger, embedding a shot in the wall right next to Nightmare Moon. “Next shot, I will not miss.”

Nightmare continued to laugh. Her hair seemed to become more... physical and vibrant, and she seemed to shrink, if only just. Shawn seemed to have noticed that...

He dropped the flintlock into his sachel, “Games over, show your true damn form, I give up with this nonsense.”

“HAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Well... IF YOU INSIST!” Nightmare completely dissolved away, a red lightning field pushing out, revealing a certain insane red earth pony. “Hello, name’s Mentis. HOW DO YA DO?”

Shawn facepalmed. “I’ve delt with a friend of mine long enough to know how to deal with this.” he then turned around and walked to the wall, “Pim! Get the fuck out of the corner. Do something for a change.”

I came out of the darkness with a big yellow book in my hands. “‘Ello Mentis, you nasty fuck.”

Mentis’s eyes lit up with the pleasure of meeting an old friend. “Oh, hello Pim! Now, seeing that I’m going to play along with this little dream of actually restraining me with ducttape,” He somehow unlooped his front hoof to brush a strand of hair out of his face, then returned it to the loop. “I’m going to ask what you’re going to do to me with that phone book.”

“Shawn, come back here for a sec!” I called out.

He walked over to me. “What do you need Pim?”

“I know how to make him talk! All you need to know is that you need to be the nice and good guy.” I whispered to Shawn. After that I walked over to Mentis. “TALK DAMNIT!” I yelled as I brought down the phone book upon his head.

Mentis’s head didn’t even flinch. “Well, that’s the question, isn’t it. What do you want me to talk about? You’ve never really asked me anything. That, and you’re a horrible interrogator.”

Shawn Smacked the back of my head, “You ask first then you work the answers out!”

“Just what are you?!” I asked.

Mentis’s psychotic smile didn’t waver as he spoke his ultimatum. “Hit me again, and I’ll show you just what I am. I’ve already told you what I am before. Simply think, you complete idiot.”

Pim thought for a while. “Ah! The Traveler of Insanity! Now explain!” I yelled as I raised the phone book above my head.

Mentis’s eye shrunk down to manic pinpricks as he looked at the book. “Hehehehe... What is it, the Traveler that picks the road, or the road that picks it’s Traveler, huh?”

Shawn facepalmed behind me.

“I WANT ANWSERS! NOT RIDDLES!” I yelled once more as I smacked Mentis in the back of the head.

Mentis’s eyes suddenly went bloodshot. “Hehehehehehehe... Hit me again. I dare you.”

I brought up the book, ready to smack Mentis with it again.

Shawn removed the book from my hands, “Hold it, he is trying to get you to hit him. Careful what you do.” he said while squinting.

Mentis closed his eyes and began humming under his breath. After a few seconds, his eyes snapped open suddenly, completely back to normal size. “Now... what do you want to know?”

Shawn stepped forward, “Since I am not from around here, as you most likely know... Who exactly are you?”

Mentis smiled as he spread his front hooves out in a magnificent pose. “Well, I’m Mentis, Traveler of Insanity, and chaotic evildoer extraordinaire! You get a free addition of never-popping bubbles if you hire me for a party.”

Shawn thought to himself, Pinkie would love this guy... “Now that we got that over with, what are you doing down here in Ponyville?”

Mentis slipped his hooves back into the wrappings. “Well, the question would be why wouldn’t I be down here in good ‘ol ponytown central.”

Shawn facepalmed for a third time, “Just answer me one last thing then Pim’s going to try asking his.” He sighed. “What are you doing down here...” He seemed to have the tone of somebody worn out.

“What am I doing where? That last question seems awfully like the previous one...” Mentis trailed off, crossing his rear legs over each other.

“I meant more along the lines of away from that castle and your damn minions.”

“Ah, you mean the girls? Well, I just felt like taking a walk. That walk just lead me to Ponyville and ol’ Nightie would probably appreciate me extending her sway.”

Shawn sighed, “I give up, Pim, don’t do something too stupid. I don’t want to have to deal with what problems Mentis will cause you.” he said as he walked out of the room tired.

“Don’t worry, just hand me the phone book and everything will be alright.” I said with a convinced voice. I turned to Mentis and began interrogating again. “Now... What did you do with Dashie and Twilight?!” I yelled in his face.

Mentis shrugged. “Aw, little old me? I didn’t do anything to them. I just talked to them and showed them that I could make them much better than they ever could think.”

I walked out of the room and walked back in. I had a bottle with a gold-ish drink in it. I took a big swig of it and walked up to Mentis. “What about Celestia? What did you do to her?”

Mentis shrugged again. “You’d have to ask the girls!”

I sighed. “You’re no fucking use. Where’s Discord hiding his ass?”

Mentis laughed. “Discord? Hehehehehe... Discord...”

I punched Mentis in his face. “START TALKING!” I took another swig of the bottle.

Mentis just kept on laughing. “Did you like cracking your knuckles on my face? I’m stronger than I look.”

I put my face close to Mentis’. “I. Don’t. Give. A. Fuck... Start talking.” I started chugging half the bottle.

“Do you really think that you are intimidating me. Really? Because it’s more funny than anything else. Like, like some kind of really bad joke!” Mentis touched his forehead against mine, as if he was challenging me.

“I’m done with you.” I said as I backed up.

“Oh, really now? Are we backing away now that momma’s perfect little boy isn’t feeling his oats against a madpony? Too bad, soo sad!”

I chugged down the rest of the bottle that I was holding and looked at the now empty bottle. I swung it at Mentis’ head. As it hit his head the bottle shattered into hundereds of pieces. I walked out of the room.

Mentis’s eyes immediately shrunk to tiny pinpricks. “You know you two... That wasn’t a good idea. I’ve already shown that I can get out. I will get out. I AM getting out.” He waited a bit before adding. “Of course, once I get out, I know what I’m going to do. I’m going to flatten everything.”

Shawn walked back into the room, “Odd, I expected him to do about nothing considering what you might be able to do. Hell, you just undid the straps just to do a gesture with it.” He placed a hand on his forehead.

“Well, he didn’t. You feel like taking a swing at it before I wreak judgement day on this little slice of peaceful heaven?”

“Sorry, but I know your more powerful then you let on, and I’m not a dumbass. Are you really going to try and level this place or are you just going to get out and get Pim? Either way I have to try and stop you.”

“Oh, I’m really going to flatten the place. I don’t even care if I don’t kill Pim while I do it, he’s just pissed me off now. As for you... You’re different... Hm.” Mentis cocked his head to the side and smiled competitively at Shawn.

Shawn squinted his eyes. “I don’t know what you got planned but” He holds the flintlock up. “I gotta try.”

Mentis’s eyes squinted hard at him. “Oh-hoho... I think I like you. I really do. I might not even make you into a pile of cosmic dust because of this!” Then, he vanished. Nothing but a little whisp of red smoke settling down into the chair.

Shawn dropped his arm, looked down and closed his eyes, “So this is it huh...”

“Is it? Or is it just the beginning of the show?”

Shawn shook his head, “More like the beginning of the end.”

“Go on... GO ON! Find your way for fighting me! I want to see you try, young one.”

Shawn opened his eyes and looked up, “Even now, I still am not giving up Mentis... Lets see what you got.” He said with a grin while lifting up his flintlock.

“Hehehehehehe... HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! LET THE SHOW BEGIN!”

Shawn bolted out of the room in search of Pim. ‘Got to find him fast...’

Suddenly Shawn heard some loud snoring. He looked over to the couch to find me taking a nap. He walked over to the couch and kicked it causing me to fall off.

“Ouch. Fuck.” I said as I stood up. “Why do you need to wake me up like that?”

“Two damn reasons. One you ignored me and now your wanted fucking dead. Two because you ignored me your about to get this place fucking FLATTENED.” Shawn responded frustrated.

“What... Why are you suddenly so... tall?” I replied, totally not paying attention.

Shawn picked me up by my shoulders, “Your drunk off your ass aren't you...” He sighed, “Yeah you are...”

“Naah, I’m... PERFECTLY FINE!” I yelled in response.

Suddenly, there was a few electrical piano chords played.

“The fuck is this?” I said to Shawn, and looked around.

I started walking to the source of the noise, it was coming from behind a door. The door opened to a mostly foggy room with Mentis standing at the far corner, right next to a door. He began to sing, various musical instruments backing him up.

Welcome back my friends to the show that never ends,
We're so glad you could attend
Come inside! Come inside!

Mentis reared up and ushered us into the door, it opening to almost complete blackness. For some reason, we felt like actually entering... He kept on singing, but the minuet we stepped inside of his ‘show’, he completely vanished.

There behind a glass is a real blade of grass
be careful as you pass.
Move along! Move along!

There really was a pedistal, and behind it’s large glass box, there was one singular blade of glass. It was so mesmerizing.

Come inside, the show's about to start
guaranteed to blow your head apart
Rest assured you'll get your money's worth
The greatest show in Heaven, Hell or Earth.

Mentis suddenly butted in, grabbing me by the shoulders and captivating my entire sight as he continued to sing.

You've got to see the show, it's a dynamo.
You've got to see the show, it's rock and roll

Right before your eyes, we pull laughter from the skies
And he laughs until he cries, then he dies, then he dies.
Come inside the show's about to start, guaranteed to blow your head apart!
You've got to see the show, it's a dynamo
You've got to see the show, it's rock and roll...

Suddenly, Mentis stopped singing and the background music picked up in a solo. He began to dance and do acrobatic stunts midair as he let the music completely flow through him and into the place we went into, the black flashing with random colors, mist rising up everywhere and obscuring my vision as I hear an explosion go off at a random time right as Mentis jumped and disappeared again. After that, I heard “SIT. STILL!” erupt from the mists. As the instruments picked up yet again, I heard Mentis sing, gesturing towards a stage where a guillotine was situated.

Soon the Gypsy Queen in a glaze of Vaseline
Will perform on guillotine
What a scene! What a scene!
Next upon the stand will you please extend a hand
to Alexander's Ragtime Band
Dixieland, Dixieland!

He showed up again, clapping at a bunch of jazz instruments were lying to a pile.

Roll up! Roll up! Roll up!
See the show!

Performing on a stool we've a sight to make you drool
Seven virgins and a mule
Keep it cool. Keep it cool.

Mentis slid up to me and wrapped an arm around me as he sang out the next line after passing another stage with a perplexed looking mule and a pot of petunias were sitting.

We would like it to be known the exhibits that were shown
were exclusively our own,
All our own. All our own.

Mentis took me by the arms with his hooves and danced me off into the darkness of the room. I didn’t really try to fight back.

Come and see the show! Come and see the show! Come and see the show!

Soon, I was left by myself to dance and do my own tricks as the instruments started up again. near the end, when Mentis started to sing, I felt a funny feeling of falling...

See the show!

Suddenly there was a bright wink of light and I wound up in the fountain right in the middle of town, with one little ticket stub titled, THE SHOW: ADMIT ONE.

Right as Shawn took the shot, moth Mentis and Pim disappeared from view, the music becoming faint the longer he stood there, as if it were going away. Then, Shawn finally realized where he was. Moreso, where he wasn’t. It was some type of strange limbo where right meant left and foreward meant up.

“Hmm, if this is hell, I expected more.”

“You really expect me to be the gatekeeper of hell? That place is way too stuffy for my tastes, so, sorry to disappoint you.”

Shawn facepalmed, “I meant more along the lines of I’m dead aren’t I Mentis?”

“No, not really. I just needed a... distraction.”

Shawn raised a brow. “What do you mean distraction?”

“Well my friend, let’s call it a science experiment. I take you away for a few hours, and we see what your friends do, hmm? Cmon, it’ll be like the Price is Right!”

Shawn shook his head, “You know, I figure my friends are looking for me right now, not this world, but my home. I don’t belong here, that I’m sure of.”

“Well... That’s the fun about being a Traveler. We get to go around to any type of universe that we want to, any time, any place, anyhow. So, how about I just trace you back to your universe and see what your friends are up to, huh?”

“I’m positive they are trying to find me. I’ve known them long enough to know they would be.”

“Well, that’s for you to speculate and us to find out, huh? So what say you, stay in here for the rest of the time I gotta be boring or we go and see your friends?”

“It would be nice to see them again, even if they are possibly worried about where I disappeared to...”

Mentis teleported right next to Shawn and hopped onto his shoulders. Right before he could do anything in response, Mentis shot off to the universe he was aiming for. Mentis showed up in a ghetto El Camino, and Shawn was in the truck bed of the car hybrid. Mentis shouted from the driver’s seat. “Sorry about that, it’s just how I travel between worlds. Usually involves some type of car.” Mentis jumped out of the El Camino and brought down the back panel, allowing Shawn to get out of the truck bed easily. Then he went back to the front and fished around in the glovebox, procuring a bag of Twinkies.

Cantering lazily back to the truck bed, he hopped up onto it and ripped open the bag with his teeth, offering one of the two to Shawn.

“This some kind of fat joke against me? Cause I’ll take it” he said while smiling.

“Just take the damn Twinkie when the crazy pony gives it to you.”

Shawn shrugged, “Alright, Haven’t ate in ages now so I’m up for it.”

Mentis shoved the whole thing into his mouth and consumed it in two bites, and just floated off into the sky like gravity had no pull on him, presumably waiting for Shawn to finish his.

Shawn finished his off. “So, where to now?”

Mentis continued floating as he flashed a smile. “Well, that depends. Who do you want to go see first? Oh, and a little obligatory rule for now, no interaction. You can’t go and talk to them in any form, might cause a time paradox. And those things are one hell of a mess to clean up.”

Shawn just shrugged in response. “As said, I know they are figuring out something right now.”

“My first question still stands. Where to first?”

“Lets see what they figured out to bring me back.”

Mentis smiled. “Ponyville it is, then.”

Appearing right next to Shawn, he placed a hoof on his pantleg and teleported, yet again. They found themselves on the outskirts of the town. Mentis just trotted off into Ponyville, while Shawn was looking like he just spun in circles for 5 minutes strait. “You know, no matter how many times I get teleported, that still messes me up...” He shook his head and stood upright.

“Come on, you’re invisible. Lets go.”

Shawn followed behind Mentis, “Hey! Over there. It’s Andrew. He seems happy, so they must have found my way back!”

Mentis said nothing as his smile seemed to grow larger.

Shawn walked further towards Andrew, “I wonder what scheme they made to bring me back...”

Mentis trotted along behind Shawn. “Well, the only answer is to investigate, no?”

“Lets go then.” He said while walking up to Andrew and Twilight listening in on their plan.

“Hey Twilight! How’s everything?”

“Oh just fine Andrew. How is your day going?”

Shawn raised his eyebrow, “Nothing? I figured they would be panicking over someone just vanishing... They seem just fine...” He continued to listen to the point in which they just went their seperate ways.

Shawn stared forward looking at nothing. “They, they act as though its no big deal. Even Andrew just went about his merry day.”

“Well Shawn, perhaps they just... I don’t know, forgot?”

“You can’t just forget someone who usually has to force you up in the morning. Specifically Andrew, I have to drag him out of bed most of the time... They just act like, they don’t even care.” He said as his shoulders dropped.

“I would say. I don’t even treat my enemies like this. Just utter lack of care. But mabe it’s because of someone else doing most of the running about. Would you like to see a few more?”

“Yeah, perhaps it was just unmentioned in that conversation...”

Mentis put his hoof on Shawn again, and teleported.

“Still never going to get used to that...”

Mentis dropped his hoof. “Oh, lookit that, Andrew’s talking to RD! She’ll probably talk about you, right? She is the element of loyalty, isn’t she?”

“Yeah, she would mention me being loyal as a friend.” Shawn seemed to perk up a bit but still had a doubtful look on his face.

And it was the same. Paltry greetings. Things that happened today, goodbyes. Shawn just seemed broken at that point.

“Nothing... Not even a damn word...” He said under his breath.

“No, not one. Quite frankly, I’m disappointed in these friends of yours. You really think that they care for you when you don’t get mentioned once during two day-to-day conversations, one with the element of loyalty, no doubt?”

Shawn clenched his fist, “Not a care in the damn world. They just left me as though I was just a random damn piece of paper on the street.”

“I wouldn’t even think that. It looks like they were probably saying things behind your back. Why do you think Andrew looks so happy? They’re glad you’re gone.”

Shawn began to shake a bit. “Those god damn Traitors. They don’t even give a damn!”

“You know... if you were my friend, I would never do that. Hell, I was doing ten times better as your enemy. You should really just flip these bastards off and come along with me... Y’know?”

As Shawn was shaking slowly, it seemed that his color began to fade. “Lets get out of here. I don’t feel like dealing with these fucking traitors anymore...”

“Alright Shawn. Come along with me, I know of a few people you might like to know...” Mentis reared up and put his arm around Shawn’s shoulder’s in a friendly fashion. After they Traveled back to the original universe, the evil grin gracing Mentis’s face had enough power behind it to crack open worlds.