Anglosphereby NYChris824Chapters Prologue ContactIt's only a modelJob VotingDay TwoLitAmbassador No clue MeetingKidnapped ISIS, baths and a gunI need an adultMusicHomeward bound Prologue Prologue I wake up confused, startled and still tired. Monday morning. God damn, I can't wait to graduate high school, just three more months. I sit up, groan, pop my back and get out of bed and head to the bathroom. With one head flushing the toilet and the other reaching to open the shade I turn around and panic. Where is my neighbor's house? Where's the forest and the hill I live on? Why is there snow on the ground and that house was not there last night and by hill I mean a steep incline of a hill not some little thing that goes on for 5 yards or something.I go to my sister room and start knocking and yelling in a panic "HEATHER GET UP SOMETHING IS WRONG!" Nothing. I keep knocking and get nothing, I open the door and the bed is empty. I notice I haven't seen my dog and I get no response from calling his name. I go downstairs and see the birdcage (and with it the bird) are also gone along with her and my dog's food/treats. I head back up grab my Mosin Nagant and head to my parents room. I may be a red blooded American patriot who runs on freedom, but the Russians make some good shit. My parents were out for the weekend, so I knew they weren't there. My parents were NYPD cops so they have a good amount of guns, granted handguns, 9mils and .38 but guns. As such, I know about guns, mostly handguns, but better than nothing. With them having been cops I have some of their stuff in my room, mainly my dad's gun belt and gas mask. I grab a 9mil and a .38 I've used before and prepare to go outside, the thermometer say it's 26 out so I dress warm. A shirt, a long sleeve shirt, basketball shorts and jeans. I decide to take my Carhartt for the pockets and durability of it and a balaclava so someone could only see my eyes and keep my neck and chin warm. Just before I go, I look and my windows and see beyond some trees, a building; its white so it blends in with the snowy area. It the distinct red cross on the second story makes it pop out. Finally I grab my mosin, 15 rounds and the bayonet for it. The I realized something, I have running water and electricity, nice to know the power lines and water pipes are still in one piece, somehow. I go down stairs, open the door into the garage, grab a pair of gloves, put on my boots and go outside to wherever-the-hell-Iam-ville. I go outside and look around, I see three houses near mine. One across, one next and I see the corner of the house I can see from my bathroom. "HELLO! ANYONE OUT THERE!!" I wait a couple of minutes before I try again. "HEL-" I look at across from me and see a garage door opening. I slowly walk towards it, barely halfway down my snow-covered driveway. I see a man, around The same as me, so 17 or 18. "Hullo there," he calls out "where are we". Great a damn Brit, I now have the urge to throw tea into a large body of water. "No idea," I respond "But I saw the top of a hospital that way" as I point south. I meet him in the middle of the road and shake hands with him. "Brian" he says "Chris" I reply. " Any idea where we are?" He asks "Well, back home it was supposed to be in the 70s. Fahrenheit" I say as I add Fahrenheit quickly as his eyes showed panic. If 100C is boiling point in Fahrenheit then what was 70C, I think to my self. "Here comes someone else" Brian says dragging me out of my thoughts, walking over to us was the person from the house I can see from my bathroom. I noticed he dressed pretty appropriately like me, I glance at Brian and notice he is too. We walk over to meet him halfway. "Hey" "Hullo" "Hello" he says back. Brian and I introduce ourselves "I'm Noah" he says, "warmer here than back in Toronto." he mutters, I now have the urge to ride a moose while chugging maple syrup now. Ugh. We all turn around walk up the road, towards the hospital and civilization, hopefully. "Who lives OUVer there" Noah asks, with his stereotypical accent. "No idea, they haven't appeared yet," Brian replies "Should we head over there?" "Screw it why not. Let's check up on our neighbor." I said. America leading his old father and his step brother, as always. Ding Dooong Diing, we stood around waiting for a response. "Just a min" someone said from inside. Definitely a male, sounds like Brian maybe Australia or New Zealand? After about 30 seconds, someone was coming to the door, a man also around our age answered. "G'day mates, Ah reckon Ah ain't in Queensland". With my vast knowledge of Australia, I knew that was... Somewhere in Australia, sounds about right. I have an urge to ride a kangaroo to the Sydney Opera House, I wonder of the other have an urge to blow shit up while drinking beer or something epic like that when they found out I'm American. The Aussie's name was Nelson and was from Australia, so the 4 inches of snow was a shock and was packing some stuff to head out, he had a sick machete he's had for a few years. After a couple minutes of talking about what we all knew: none of us knew where we are and the hospital I saw was the best bet to find out where we are. We started to walk down the road to hope possibly , with only a 90 year old rifle, a 9mil a. 38 and a machete to protect the four of us. It was a bad week for Ponyville, all sorts of strange monsters and beasts having been coming out of the Everfree Forest. One day, it was a pack of manticores, another, a bugbear come out and rampage through the town, damaging several homes and yesterday an Ursa Minor came through causing more damage. The townsfolk have been edge all day, and it was only 9:36am, waiting for the next beast to attack. Only, no pony knew the answer to the problem had arrived. Author's Note First story! I hope to carry this out for a long time, also any feedback is appreciated! I thought a small chapter would do to start off while I cook up the rest. Also, I haven't set up a "time period" of when this all occurs i.e before season 3 or after season 5. I may start off at the end of season 6, while skipping some parts of what happened. Contact"Anyone know how to shoot a gun?" I ask and immediately realize the answer. The UK has tough gun laws and Australia isn't far behind either. You may as well try and sell crack to the Queen first before trying to buy a gun. Canada was a little better, not as strict, but they have waiting periods have stricter background checks than the U.S. "I know, a little," Noah says "visited some family in Idaho and shot some pistols." So I was right. "You know what you shot? 9mil? .45?" I ask "9mil" Noah says back "Good. Here, it's ready to shoot, just chamber the round and flip the safety off and you're set." I said handing him the 9mil from my Carhartt and two mags. "Wot does any of that mean?" Brian asks "You'll find out soon Bria-" I start to say, but I'm interrupted by a now beautiful sight. Civilization. We all stare at the small village and the surrounding area. The east and west side are surrounded by forests, farther south, maybe 30 or 40 miles is a mountain range, Nelson points out something on a mountain side, it looks almost like a city. Nelson must have some damn good eyesight to make that out, granted it may be a city and not something small like a tree or a boulder. The town it self makes zero sense to us, most building are straight out of the Middle Ages, thatch roofs and framed with timber. From there it got weirder, an oak tree near the center with windows and a door. Nelson pointed out a building made out of "biscuits". I thought it looked like a gingerbread house, but to each their own. Noah pointed out a multistory gazebo in the center, we agreed they had town hall meetings there. We kept walking to he town when Noah pointed something out. "Where is everyone?" He's right we haven't seen anyone since we first saw the town, as we turned a bend that led down the main road into the town, we saw the inhabitants, and we're we confused. Miniature horses or ponies maybe, were walking around, talking, buying and selling in an open air market or shops and wearing winter gear. This is not Earth. "Shite get over here" Brian called out, ducking into some bushes and trees, naked due to the season, but better than standing around twiddling our thumbs in the ope . We looked around and noticed another shocker, some had wings and flew around, some had horns and appeared to levitate things from the market into bags on their sides, while some had neither and looked like horses back home. We also noticed a awful smell coming from something near us, we had no idea what it was but we hated it. I put on my gas mask because why not and the guys slowly shifted away while we kept watching the town. Meanwhile in Ponyville, ponies we're going about their day, winter would be ending soon and that meant getting ready for Winter Wrap-Up. Ponyville was on edge, waiting for the beasts to emerge from the Everfree and run for their lives, when a howl rose up from the Everfree. "You hear that mates?" Nelson whispered. Howls and guessing there may have been at least 10, the ponies began to panic and ran for some where to hide, except for six. A purple unicorn, a pink normal pony, a yellow pegasus, a blue pegasus, a tannish normal one and a white unicorn stood in the middle waiting. "They have be their version of the police or something" Noah said as we watched, I loaded my Mosin just in case I needed it, when the wolves came out. They looked like wolves at least, brownish in color and had neon green eyes, 12 of them came running out of the forest on the other side of town. "Fuck it I'm helping." I said, my voice muffled by my mask, I went prone and begun to shoot the wolves. BANG One down BANG Two down BANG, I clipped this one in the leg causing it to slow down with neon green blood coming out BANG Three down, I noticed they broke up into a pile of sticks after they died. BANG Four down, one hurt not bad. The ponies took out some more, leaving six alive. They seemed confused by the sound of my gun and the wolves just randomly dying. "I'm going in there." I called out as I stood up and charged, I was tempted to yell as I charged in, it decided not to, I thought the ponies would flip out by a giant charging them. I noticed two more, including Limps McGee were killed as I charged in. I ran at the nearest wolf and stabbed him with my bayonet and killed him, putting him down so hard, my bayonet got stuck in the frozen earth. On my way in only four were left and I just killed one, the purple one shot a beam at another, killing it. Two left, the tan one kicked another in the head and it dissolved into firewood. One left A howl came from behind me, I turned around and saw the last one charging me, 150 feet. I couldn't pull the bayonet out, so I took it off, leaving sticking out of the wolf. I grabbed the front to hold it like a club, not grabbing the hot metal barrel. 50 feet. I turned around to face it, 20 feet. I pulled my gun back and swing like a bat as he leaped at me. WHACK The bottom of the stock hit him right in the skull, right as a hoof attached to a blue leg hit the other side of his skull, shrinking the size of its skull by half. I stood there breathing heavily as I looked at the pile of sticks. With the blue pegasus flying in place as the others walked over to us. They all looked at me with two distinct emotions, fear of what I was and curiosity of what I was. I think. "Wowzees!Thanksforthehelpmistermonster! What are you? Where did you come from? Are there more of you? Do you like cupcakes? My favorite is Supery-Dupery Chco-" The pink one was slinced by a purple dome, but she failed to notice, I couldn't hear a word anymore. He mouth was still moving a mile a minute, when she finished she had a smile that was way too large for her face. "What are ya" asked the tan one. I froze, how do I explain do I start off and say "I'm from another planet possibly" or "I'm a human and have no idea where I am.". My mouth moved up and down trying form a sentence, but was covered by my mask still, so only my eyes could be seen. "Ya alright ther Mister?" She asked, at this point I realized she had a southern accent and she wore a cowboy hat. "Yeah... J-Just trying to piece together a sentence," I said back "I'm a human." I said as they looked at me with awe stricken eyes. I guess humans are myths are, kinda like unicorns and pegasi back home are or surprised we speak the same language. "How did you get here?" The purple one asks. Damn, I wish I knew too I thought. "No clue, woke up in my house by myself, couple other guys are here too." "You mean there's more of you!" she exclaims. What else could I have meant? "Yea, give me a moment,"I said, turning around to the brush and waving my hand in a "come here" motion. Nelson, Noah and Brian all came out and walked over. The ponies eyes grew in size at what they saw, three more humans came out. "Oh yeah." I said and they all turned to me, as I removed my gas mask and felt the cold air hitting my face, causing my facial hair to stand up. "Tah Dahhh" I said with my face uncovered. "You alrite mate?" Brian asked me "Never better man!" I shot back We all turned back to the ponies, unsure of what to do next. "Now what?" Asked the blue pegasus. We all looked at each other trying to think of what to, when we heard a thud behind us. We all turned around and saw a gold trimmed carriage sitting behind us with four pegasi wearin golden armorpulling it, when one unhitched themself and walked over to us. "Miss Sparkle, the Princess requires you and your friends in Cantarlot." Oh shit. We never thought about leaders we all looked at each other with that "we are so screwed look", only Brian seemed confused. I guess he was expecting the Queen to see us or something. "Well if your Princess want to see you all, we'll head back to our place, it's about a kilometer that way" Noah said to the ponies. I silently thought what do they use for measures stuff, do they use 'hooves' like we use feet? These are some weird questions I'm asking myself. "You're leaving already?" Asked the white unicorn, she had a slight British accent and an air of high class. "Your Princess asked for you six, not us" he replied. He's right, I guess when they go they'll explain us to her, as long as they don't break out the army and siege us out when she finds out about four aliens twice as tall as the average pony. "Strong Shield, is it possible for these four errrr humans join us?" Asked the purple one "Of course, only I don't know how she'll react so its in your hooves." He said back. Awesome, not even here for five hours and I'm meeting world leaders. I collected my bayonet from the pile of wood and walked back over to the group. We climbed into the carriage and prepared to ride off into the morning sun and boy we were wrong. Author's Note Chapter 1 is up and things are picking up, I think. Any feedback is appreciated, pla having some fun in the next couple of chapters and I have a good idea on how to introduce Princess Cadence (maniacal laugh) Update: This sucker got approved! It's only a modelAuthor's Note Heavy dialogue based chapter mainly because this is the " asking the freaky human thing" questions about home part of the story. Sorry for taking so long, school stuff and having never written a fanfic before. No Ragrets! It's only a model We climbed in the carriage and prepared to roll out, and man we were so wrong. Here's a tip if you ever travel abroad, never trust carriages. We all panicked as the carriage tilted upward and took off, we tried to keep the language down to a PG-13 rating and failed and I'm pretty sure Noah cursed in French. Meh, to each their own. After a minute of pure terror and fear, we all calmed down and my heart slowly crawled out of my throat and back home between my lungs. Nelson pointed out an important fact, we didn't know any of their names. I just called them by how they looked. The purple unicorn went first. "I'm Twilight Sparkle" said the purple unicorn "Ah'm Applejack" said the redneck pony. "I'm Pinkie Pie" said the pink one, as she threw confetti she got from... Somewhere? They're not wearing clothes so there's no pockets to hide the confetti. Fucking commie space magic or something. I was also surprised she didn't say a paragraph in a second and in one breath like when I met here. "I'm Rainbow Dash, fastest flyer in Equestria and future Wonderbolt"Said the rainbow haired pegasus, makes sense, I guess I mean Pinkie is pink after all. , I guess the country is called Equestria and the Wonderbolts is a college mascot or something like that. "I'm Fluutershy" said the yellow pegasus, half-hiding behind her long hair, judging by some of the other names, I guess she's nervous or something, I don't know I'm only a human stuck in a pony filled world with three other guys. "Hello darlings, my name is Rarity" said the British one. Wow a half decent name, only it doesn't match up with her appearance or personality. "I'm Brian" "I'm Noah" "I'm Chris" "I'm Nelson, and if you don't mind me asking, where are we headed to exactly?" "We're heading to the city of Canterlot, capital of Equestria. The Princess wanted to see us about something." Said Twilight "Canterlot?" I ask, thinking about the Monty Python skit. "Canterlot" "It's only a model" adds in Brian, the four of us start laughing at the joke while the ponies look at us confused, except Pinkie as she soon joins in on the laughter as we calm down. "I'm confused what's so funny" asks Pinkie "It's a human thing, does the Princess know we're joining you? Nelson asked, trying to calm down. The color drains for their face, which is hard to see considering their fur color 'Does she know you're bringing four beings from another planet?' I think to myself. Oh yeah, nothing like impressing your leader like bringing several armed and possibly dangerous aliens as you go to meet her. I guess we'll be in the dungeon as the guillotine and/or gallows are being set up, I now regret getting in here, we haven't been flying long, and the ground isn't too far away and the snow would lessen the blow.... " Equestria to Chris come in Chris" said Rainbow Dash "Huh? What?" "I said, 'what's up with the stick'". WHAT, I was pissed this ain't no stick, but I kept my tongue in check, I may have thought about jumping out, but not getting thrown out. How do I explain a gun to them, can't be too hard, right? "This isn't a stick, this is a Mosin Nagant" "A what?" Asked Twilight Sparkle, right have to go more in depth. "It's a type of gun, this particular type of gun is a rifle, so it's good for long range combat. Mosin Nagants are an old type of gun, this one was built in 1927, which would make this gun almost 90 years old." A little shock on everyone's face, I guess they weren't excepting it, it's not that old I could have a musket. "How does it work?" She asks, she must be the geek or the curious one of the group although they go hand in hand often. I reach into my Carhartt and pull out some bullets. "I put five bullets," holding them out "in here," pulling the bolt back and showing them the inside. "And then what?" Shit, how do I explain 'to kill' without using the k word "I use it to... Protect myself and others". Yea that'll work and I'm not lying either, it a win-win. "So it's a weapon?" Asks Rainbow Dash. Can't avoid this one "Yes". They all look nervous, maybe because they're in here with me or because I'm about to Lee Harvey Oswald the Royal Family here. "It only works with the bullets, but I can deactivate it, if that would help." I tell them, they immediately calm down a little. I pull the bolt back out and pull the trigger so that it slides out and lands on my lap, I tuck the bolt in my jacket along with the bullets. 30 minutes later Nelson was right, there is a city on the mountain side. We landed in the castle's courtyard, we waited for the carriage plane to come to all halt. We learned quite a lot about the country it has two sister that co-rule: Princess Celestia and Princess Luna. Celestia moves the sun via commie space magic and Luna moves the moon via commie space magic or something like that. There's three types of ponies, earth ponies who work as farmers and craftsman, pegasi, who can move clouds because they can CONTROL the fucking weather here and unicorns which can use magic to do stuff. "Everyone remember the plan?" Twilight asked. I was really tempted to say 'No, can we go over it for the thirteenth time?' but I kept my tongue in check. I was also right about here being the smarty pants of the group or an 'egghead' as Dash calls her. The plan was simple, Twilight and her friends would go first explain what happened back in town (still don't know the name of it) and how we showed up, helped and ended up coming here. Part of me wondered how long I would be here and another wondered if I left the milk out. They exited and through part of the curtain, I saw a pair of doors open outward and out come the Princess. The six of them bowed to her, so it obvious who she is. She was taller than the rest, which made sense, she had a white coat and a mane that was sea green, light green, pink and light purple and moved like there was a breeze. She had a horn and a pair of wings, is she a uni-sus or pega-corn? Pegacorn sounds better. She had a calm look she Twilight explained that changed to confusion and awe, I guess she knows about the four ape-things a mere thirty feet away. "Ya'll can come out now" Applejack said as she poked her head in. Nelson promptly made a cross figure as we stood up and walked out. Brian was first followed by Noah, Nelson and me. Brian kneeled in front of the princess Noah and Nelson followed his lead. Fuck that, I look at them and back to the Princess. We share a look of confusion and surprise at them. Meh, I figured Brian would kneel 'cause England. Canada and Australia still act like the Queen rules them, I think and America hates royalty. Brian clears his throat at glaring at he, his eyes go from me, to the ground, and back to me. I give him a subtle 'no' head shake. "Rise, you are not my subjects" she said to them. America wins again, release the bald eagles! "I had a feeling you wouldn't bow Chris" Brian said with a shit-eating smile. Fucker pulls the 'fought against the king card' jokes on him anyway, Britain was the largest empire at the time and lost to a bunch of poorly trained citizens. I sigh and say to no one in particular, "Your ancestors fight a tyrannical king and they never let you forget." "Why did you rebel?" The Princess asks, while looking at me. "We were being unfairly taxed and self-ruled ourselves for almost a century". She has a look of understanding, maybe she won't have me pay taxes if I'm stuck here. That would be nice, never had to pay taxes before. "Please follow me" she said to the town of us, turning around and entering the castle. Job VotingAs we walked, except Pinkie because she bounced (for whatever reason) down the hall to the ~~execution hall~~ some room we were heading to, Princess Celestia talked to the ponies about stuff, I wasn't paying attention. I was slowly boiling alive in my jacket it so I took off and rolled up the sleeves on my long sleeved shirt. "Oh Twilight, you'll be happy to know Cadance and Shining Armor will be coming down from the Crystal Empire soon" Celestia said. Must have been some important news to Twilight because she made a noise a squeaky toy would and bounced around. We all looked at her in confusion at her reaction are they her siblings or maybe some old friends? We arrived at the room of something with two pure white unicorn guards outside, twins maybe? Whatever, they opened the door with their magic (still weird) and into a large dining room. Lunch time already? Then again I haven't seen a clock since home. Meh, I am kinda hungry. Oh god they'll figure out we eat meat! We are so fucked, actually who knows maybe there are other beings on the planet that eat meat. We walked in and sat down, with me behind pony lines, with Rarity next to me, Princess Celestia at the head and Pinkie across from me. While everyone else was pretty scattered out, a waiter came out, passed out menus and didn't even seemed phased at the four weird creatures at the table. I looked over at the menu, typical food for them, sandwiches with flowers, salads etc.. I flip it over and see the bottom is red with the most beautiful sight I have seen in this place 'MEAT'. , chicken, steak and 'meat sandwiches' which the description made me think of burgers, my mouthed watered for them. The rest of the back was drinks, pastas and desserts. I decided on a pasta dish because I can have meat later and didn't want to offend the ponies. "You ask." "I ain't asking, you ask" and Noah and Nelson are arguing, probably about the meat section. We all listened to them bicker, so I took lead. "So Princess just curious, and forgive me if I say anything offensive, but do ponies eat meat? I'm just caught a little off guard by the meat section on the menu." I asked, while shaking my head further down the table. Noah and Nelson looked at me with panic like I signed their death wish. "Most ponies don't, although some pegasi do for extra protein for their wings. Their are many other species that live on Terra: zebras, minotaurs, griffons and dragons make up the rest of the sentient being on the planet. Griffons, minotaurs and dragons eat meat. What about humans?" She explained "Humans are omnivores." I responded, I just assumed they knew what an omnivore is. They seemed to react normally, thankfully, come to think about it, I have only seen ponies, but I've only been here for about 5 hours or so. The waiter came back and took our orders. I decided to get a pasta dish because why not? The ponies of the group got basically what they would eat, same with the guys. I was the outlier. We talked about various things on our planets, including tech, they were in awe by cell phones and what they could do, which made sense since all they had were rotary phones. We had some issues describing things like the Internet or planes it's almost like a describing a color or how water tastes. We told them about where we were from country wise. Thankfully, they never asked us about our human history, or we would be screwed since, you know, wars and stuff. Princess Celestia asked us if we had any questions and Noah had a good one which was how long we would be at the castle. The good news was that it would be just for the day, however being a sentient being and all that good stuff, humanity would need an ambassador. The issue? We're all 17-18 years old, the most leadership skills we had was a group project in school, not representing a nation, if even the nation had a population of 4 and no borders. We agreed that night we would vote at someone's house. Later that day We all went our separate ways, with the ponies heading back to Ponyville (the town, great name. I wonder if there's a Humantown somewhere out there) to do no doubt handle damage control of the 4 aliens that showed up in the morning. Applejack actually lives in the same direction as does Rainbow Dash just a few minutes farther back. Twilight told us to come by her house, which was a tree and the library, after we votes and she would tell the Princess. We all walked back home, with Dash flying to her cloud mansion nearby and Applejack kept on walking. The guys and I would meet up at Noah's place in an hour and vote. I went home, reassembled my Mosin, took off my gun belt and put on my class hoodie instead. I decided to quickly check the rest of the exterior of my house, most of the trees and bushes were still around, I guess the flowers were still there, just under the snow, I guess. The crawlspace was still there, so most of my dad's tools and the tractor where still there. "Gotta get my gun back from Noah" I muttered when I realized I had two guns. I'll get it when I see him again, I went to my phone and tried using the Internet, sure enough it worked. I look at things from my history (nothing perverted because private mode), I realized I could call home, or at least try and contact someone from home, let them know I'm alive. My calls went straight to voicemail, so I left one to feel better, my texts wouldn't send and anything on social media wouldn't go through. I tried other things in my house, my Xbox wouldn't connect to Live so my last possible way of telling someone I was alive failed. I tried the TV out of current I got channels still, but there was nothing of interest, so I got up, checked my phone and went over to Noah's. "It's odd, I can't call or text anyone, but my Telly still works" Brian told us, we all said the same thing, our internet works and our TVs work but we can't call home. We all sat in Noah's living room, he has a nice house, good size, clean etc.. We sat down in his living room and voted we agreed on no self-nominations we wrote down the name of who we wanted on paper, and put them in a hat. We talked about what we thought about the ponies and the Princess, we all agreed if asked about humanity, we would avoid the negative parts. We realized we would need jobs here too, whoever wins this would have one. After an hour or so, we voted. Brian pulled them out and read them. "Noah, Brian, Chris and," we all held our breath for the tiebreaking vote. "Chris". Shit, so did not want to, but it's a democracy so there's really no arguing. I supposedly did have 'leadership skills' according to my school, but they also said the same for the stoner who sleeps in all of his classes, so I don't know how truthful they are. We walked to town and Twilight's home, Nelson knocked and Twilight answered the door. Thankfully, it was late and no ponies were out. "Hey guys, come on in.," she said waving a hoof "Spike, come down here meet the humans I was telling you about." She called out to someone, a boyfriend? A roommate? A lizard it turned out, or I should say a dragon. He was pretty excited to meet us, considering we were guys, walked on two legs, was different from everyone else and have opposable thumbs. He secretly told us he wanted to do 'manly things' such as camping and things like that. He sent a letter to Celestia saying I was the representative of humanity on Terra. "Hey Twilight, how did everyone react to you all telling them about us?" Noah asked, while we waited for a reply, good question. "They didn't seem to afraid, you guys did help with the timberwolves this morning too, so that was a boost. I'll talk to the Mayor about setting up a meeting tomorrow." She said, Spike burped up a letter. Dear Chris, Congratulations on your new job, I'll send any letters through Spike to you. I have sent the ambassadors of the other nations a letter about you and your friends, we (including you) shall meet in Canterlot in five days. You will earn 200 bits a month for your job. Feel free to reply if you have any questions Sincerely Princess Celestia and Princess Luna "Hey Twilight, how much does an average pony make?" I ask her, out of curiosity. "Anywhere from 150-250 bits a month, why?" She said "I'm getting 200 a month that's why" both her and Spike's mouths dropped open. I broke them, the guys looked jealous I would be living in the upper middle class, but I'm dealing with international politics and fun stuff like that. "Hey Twilight, you got any books about geography or anything like that?" I asked her unmoving form. It only took us 10 mins to get a response for either her or Spike. She told me to return or renew it in two weeks. I figured it wouldn't hurt to learn more about those I would work with. We went back to our homes and called it a night. I decided to grab a beer from outside, I'm technically underage, but this isn't the U.S. Probably would hurt to look into their laws either, alcohol may be illegal here or something. Day one on a strange planet went well, got myself my first ever job, granted one I am woefully unprepared for, but a job nevertheless. Noah still has my gun. Day TwoAuthor's Note I'm so good at naming chapters as this one proves Sorry for the lack of updates, school is a pain and I am still learning how to write dialogue. Day Two I woke up at 7:20 as usual, I hate that about me, I wake up early because I'm used to getting up early for school. Even if I'm up til 2am on a Saturday the latest I'll be up by is 8:30. So I spent the next 30 minutes watching Bob Ross paint on YouTube, what? Don't judge, Bob Ross is awesome. I finally got up, brushed my teeth, took a shower. I went downstairs and had a bowl of cereal, while watching Animal House, which is an awesome movie. My doorbell rang in the middle of the toga party, I just assumed it was one of the guys, so I called out while I got up and walked to answer the door, instead one of my other neighbors was there. This one had four hooves, blue fur and a pair of wings. "Heya Dash, what's up? "Nothing much, same old, what about you?" "Voted to be ambassador last night, so still freaking out on the inside, come in, it's freezing out here." I said waving her in, she flew in. We walked/flew through the living room, I decided on the long way to the kitchen since I wanted to look at the backyard. Dash was eye level with a bunch of family photos, she glanced at them on the way by. I waited for her to ask a question about them, but none came, so that caught me off guard. "Woah, what is that?" She asked, pointing a hoof at the TV, in awe. "That's a television, but it's called TV more often. It's used for entertainment, think like a projector, but not needing a projector." I explained, they explained they had projectors, Nelson said we had them too, but none of us mentioned TV. We talked about stuff, while she watched Animal House and I explained everything that happened so far. I cleaned up the kitchen after breakfast and sat down in my dad's chair to watch the movie. I told her I was heading up to change, but she could hang out down here still. I came back down to hear more voices, three very distinct and one normal voice. The guys and Applejack were here too, must not have heard them knock, or enter. "What's up guys and Applejack?" I asked. "Well sugarcube, Rainbow and Ah are here to take ya'll to town and introduce us to everypony" she said, looking at the distracted pegasus. "Alright let me get ready to head then, we'll cut through the garage." We already told them about cars, planes and trains. We decided to save space flight when we meet Princess Luna, surprise the ruler of the night, moon and the stars with the fact we've been there. Princess Celestia agreed, she had a fun side she said, as well as enjoyed planking her sister. We went through the garage when an idea came to Brian. "Why don't we drive to town?". Good idea, but I'm sure the ponies would flip out. "Good idea and we could park just outside of town to afraid scaring anyone" Nelson said, that works too. The only issue is I have a Ford Edge, a corvette, and a pickup truck . There's six of us and the Edge holds five and the truck is filled with junk. "We'll have to take two cars in that case." I said, grabbing the keys and my wallet. What? Force of habit, besides I'm not getting pulled over my a cop pony for speeding. We went out to the garage and headed for to Ponyville. I was in my Edge with Noah and Dash, while Brian, Nelson and Applejack were in some British SUV. I told Brian I would do 30mph, which is about 48kph according to my conversion app. We arrived outside of town in after about five or so minutes, better than a fifteen minute walk in the freezing cold. I put on my turn signal and pulled over. I put it in park, turned it off and hopped out to meet the others outside. We walked to the center of town towards the multistory gazebo which is the town hall. There was a podium set up just outside a pair of doors. We met up with the rest of the ponies on the side and discussed the plan. "Ok, so the Mayor will start off by talking, the. She'll introduce me, I'll talk about you and then you all come out and answer any questions." Twilight explained, she was on top of her shit, from what a certain pony told me Twilight is known for her checklists, even a checklist to make a checklist, safe to say she was organized af. The meeting went well, better than expected, the only issues were the green unicorn who went off screaming humans were real and she was right or something like that. The other issues was explaining why humans wore clothes all the time (warmth and cover reproductive organs), but it was more embarrassment than anything else. Turns out the unicorn is a firm believer in humans, which are basic their version of Bigfoot, and us showing up proved her right she even wanted to study one of us. We were immediately concerned considering all the horror movies with weird people, but replace them with a unicorn. The ten of us returned to Twilight's treehouse (I don't know what else to call it) and talked about random stuff, hobbies, interests etc. They asked us what us what our cutie marks are, which apparently tell a pony what they'll do as a job. They magically appear on the pony's ~~thigh~~ flank, and come around when a pony is about twelve or thirteen, so it almost is the start of puberty. Noah explained humans don't get cutie marks, but choose on a career based on what they like to do. "Hey Twilight, can I bum a piece of paper and a pen?" I asked, I had to ask Princess Celestia some questions on the international community here. "Sure, what for?" She asked "Work related stuff, anything I should know about what's going on. Stuff like that" I explained as she floated a piece of paper and a quill. A quill? Throwback to the 1700s around here, but they have electricity so that's all that matters to me. Dear Princess Celestia, I was wondering if there is anything I should know about in the international community, mainly any tensions between two countries. Also is there any sort of dress code for the meeting? I know ponies go around 'naked' except for special events, but I thought it wouldn't hurt to ask. From Chris P.S should I sign these letters with Ambassador Murray or would that be for official letters? "Here Spike" I said while throwing the letter at him, turn out he can send letters to the Princess by burning them and she'll get them no matter where either of them are. I'll never get over this magic shit. Her response was confusing to say the least, confusing as shit. The most I could under stand was tension between the Minotaurs and Zebras over some island chain. Reminds me of the Chinese vs. Japanese vs. six other countries in Asia. "So what are the names of some the major cities here" Noah asked, for whatever reason. "Well, there's Manehatten, Fillydelphia, Trottingham, Coltimore, Stalliongrad, Cloudsdale, Hoofington, Las Pegasus and Mountreal." Twilight rattled off. All but one are rip offs from home, the guys and I exchanged 'this is some bullshit' glances at each other. "What we're some of yours, if you don't mind me asking." Fluttershy asked, God, she would always do that. She's so kind, but everything she asks you do do is followed with a 'if you don't mind' something like that. She literally took after her name. "They... They are almost the as ours, Manhattan is a borough of New York City, which I grew up close to, Philadelphia, Nottingham, Baltimore, Stalingrad, Huntington, Las Vegas and Montreal. And there are only what we have in common. There's still Paris, Moscow, Los Angeles, Tokyo, Bejing, Hong Kong, Seoul, London... There's still plenty more, I could be here for at least five minutes rattling off names." "By Celestia, how many humans live on Earth?" Twilight asks "We hit 7 billion within the last two years so maybe 7.2 billion or so." All of their jaws became unhinged at the answer. "There's not even 50 million ponies in Equestria!" Rarity exclaims, I excepted Twilight to say that and then say whatever the population of the planet is. A couple of hours later, we all went home, with all of us having to do things, but we were going to meet up later and go out for dinner. I went home, read some more on the other countries of the world. There's Equestria, the Griffon Empire, the Badlands (home of the dragons), Zebrica (another ripoff ) and the Minotaur Tribes, which from what I read reminds me of the Native Americans for some odd reason. I rewarded myself with a beer, I have to ask about the drinking age here, but my house my rules and playing some Madden 16. LitI sat around, with no clue what to do. I remembered that there's snow on the ground and I would have to clear that off my driveway. I have an old snowblower from New York we kept, thankfully since we've had some bad winters down south. I re-bundled up, grab my headphones and went out, I grabbed some snow to check if it was powdery and light or wet and heavy, thankfully it was light, so I cheated. I found out two years ago that with powdery snow, a leaf blower works just as well, the snowblower is a big mean orange motherfucker and is a pain to use. The leafblower would kill my back, but that's if I use it for a long time. I fired that sucker up and went to work. I was listening to some classic rock so it wasn't really my fault and couldn't hear Rainbow yelling at me what's was doing and what the machine on my back was, or Brian asking, and I quote, 'the fook are ya using a fooking leafblower to clear the snow?'. I cleared my driveway, and the walkway in 20 minutes and just in time too. Being the dead of winter is was getting dark out by 5:10. I showered, shaved my pedostache and inbound neck beard (the puberty gods have cursed me) put on a neon green shirt, a pair of jeans and my class ring. The party started at 8, so I had an early dinner, I wasn't a excellent cook, but I could manage myself. I was feeling real lazy so I made a loco moco: a Hawaiian comfort food made with white rice, a burger patty, a fried egg and brown gravy. It's quick, cheap and filling, all that matters. An hour later, Applejack and Dash got us all, and we walked to town, enjoying the night, granted party cloudy . I'm still trying to understand how a pony can move it, but in a world half-filled with creatures from myths, I'm not in a position to question it. We walked on in to town. "Ah shoot, ah forgot somethin back at ta farm I'll catch y'all in a bit" Applejack said suddenly, odd she would walk half an hour for something, but it may be important "I'm going to clean the sky, I'll be back in ten seconds flat" called out Dash she she flew away, none of this makes sense. Meh, we walked to Sugarcube Corner, the local bakery and opened the door. "SURPRISE" screamed 20- something ponies, needless to say we were surprised "Were you surprise? Huh? Huh?" asked Pinkie. She's the party animal/planner/bat-shit crazy pony of the town. We mingled with the townfolk (town ponies?), Applejack came back with a cart loaded with hard cider kegs. "Darling, where did you get that ring from?" Rarity asked me, it's a good sized ring so it wasn't easy to hide, and I usually wear it whenever I'm out. "It's my class ring," everyone looked at me confused, I kept explaining "it's a tradition for high school seniors to get one, mine has the name of my school, mascot name, my name and graduation year. The gem is my birthstone, Peridot." An hour later " ALRIGHT EVERYPONY, DANCEOFF TIME!! " screamed out Vinyl Scratch or DJ-PON3 into the microphone (I don't understand how they have turntables here either). "Let's see what which one of you ponies can take ME down!" Pinkie called out, I smirked, 'I'm not a pony' I thought to myself, at this moment I may or may not have had a couple of glasses of cider. As a white male, I could not dance to save my life. The cider told me I was the fucking master at dancing, I believed it. "I ain't no pony! Challenge accepted!" I slurred to her, I stood up and successfully walked I a straight line to the dance floor. She pulled a bit out of nowhere (I learned/ was told not to question Pinkie and her antics, by a unicorn). "Heads or tails?" "Tails" I called, Pinkie flipped it and the moon landed, looking at the ceiling, I start. "HIT IT!!" Pinkie exclaimed and that's all I remembered. I woke up, cold, dazed and confused and in pain. I glanced around, I was sleeping in a tree and missing my left sock. The best parties end up with you waking up in a weird place, and this was a good party. My head was throbbing, I looked around, trying to get my bearing, I was somewhere in Ponyville, so that helps. "There you are dude! We've been looking all over for you." I looked around for the source of the voice, it was Dash, that I knew. "Up here". Right, flying ponies exist here. "Did you put me here? What happened last night? The last thing I remember was a dance off with Pinkie." "Sweet Celestia, that all you remember?" She asked "Yea, I still more concerned that I'm 25 feet off the ground, I'm climbing down", I'm part primate so I should be able to handle this. I successfully ended up on solid ground, even in my first hungover state. Dash and I walked around town, trying to piece together the night. Dash was nervous about something, she wouldn't tell me what, but I had an odd feeling I may have been involved. Oh shit, please tell me I didn't make out with a pony; or worse! We found Twilight and asked her what happened last night. "I think I could best explain by showing you" Twilight said, powering up her horn. "Ah still don't understand how ya beat her Chris" Applejack said, I sat there talking to the crowd around me. Turns out the alcohol was right, I was an awesome dancer. I started off and blew Pinkie off the floor. I actually impersonated the break dancers I remember seeing whenever I would go to Manhattan, which makes no sense because I haven't seen any in at least 7 years. I started off with the windmill and launched into a bunch of other tricks I don't know, and finished with a headspin and pointed at Pinkie. He back hooves slowly slid out from under her until she sat on her ass. "Does anypony know where did Dashie went?" Pinkie asked after a bit, we all looked around, Nelson, using his impressive six foot seven inch frame to look around the party area. We somehow lost a rainbow maned flying (and drunk) pony. Dream me went outside to look for her, a couple minutes later a BANG came from outside the back door. The guys looked at each other and ran outside, followed by the other five ponies. In the distance, was blue pegasus was flying away, I was passed out face first in the snow. Soft sobbing was heard from the back of the alley. Rainbow Dash was curled up in a ball covering herself with her wings. The group gathered around her to try and figure out what happened. "Dash, dear, what happened? Who was that other pegasus?" Rarity asked "He's an ex-coltfriend, Flash, he tried to rape me, but Chris stopped him." The group gasped "What happened to him?" Twilight asked "I came out here for some air, and he attacked me. He kept saying he was going to give it to me, and then Chris came out. He told him to drop me and he didn't, so he pulled something out and said he ' I'll only fire a warning shot'. He pulled something and the thing made a loud noise and a flash of light and the snow kicked up. He said 'the next one will go in your fucking skull' so Flash dropped me and flew away. After that Chris passed out." Dash explained, trying to calm down. The group turned to look at me, only I was gone. That was some heavy shit. I saved Dash from being raped. How could I not remember that? "I-I just wanna say thank you" Dash chokes out and puts her front hooves around me. "Don't mention, I always watch out for my friends." I said. She pulled her head back and looked at me "Yo-You think we're friends?" "Not just with you, but all of you. You were the first ponies I met," I said smiling. "Other than me, did everyone else make it back home alright? Oh and my left sock is missing" I said and rolled up my pants to show them my bare foot. "I think Lyra took it to examine it or something" Twilight said, I'm pretty sure that the one who believed humans were real. Why she would want a lone sock I may never know, but if I lose any socks in the dryer, I'm blaming her. "Alright well I'm heading home, I'll get my sock later or something. I went home, climbed in bed and got to work fixing my hangover with sleep. Ambassador No clue Ambassador No clue The next day went by with no major events. It was day four in Equestria, so it was time to head out to Canterlot, I packed for a week (I failed to ask how long, but better safe than sorry). We decided to leave a day early to check out the city. The train leaves at 11:30 am and it's a three hour trip, not not too bad... I hope. I really don't know what to wear because a lack of prior experience, but a suit would do. I went downstairs, put on the TV and almost collapsed at what I saw. Terror Attack in Brussels . "FUCK!" I slammed my hand on the counter, I really didn't need this right now. Heading out to somewhere with no internet and this bombshell come out of nowhere. I remember when the attacks in Paris occurred, I just sat there watching the news for hours watching updates come in. I was only three when 9/11 occurred, but my parents responded, how they didn't get sick from all the dust and debris, I will never know. Someone was knocking at the door and brought me out of haze, I really hope it one of the guys or all of them, someone to talk to about this. I got six ponies instead. "Hey girls, why.. Why don't you come in?" I could barely speak and I had the same quietness as Fluttershy. "Are ya all right, sugahcube?" Applejack asked. I guess this it's time to drop the bombshell about humanity, the plan was to put off for as long as possible. Mainly because humans are violent and all that good stuff. "Yea, just some stuff back home," they all looked saddened, maybe because I'm NOT home. We walked to the keeping room, I sat down in a chair and zoned out. I was watching the TV and listening to the reporter "You guys ready to head out?" I really want to stay, but I want to stay to find out what happened. They knew something bad happened but they didn't ask what happened. Fine by me. One hour later The tension was still thick in the train, thankfully the Princess got us the first class car for us, so we by ourselves for the trip. Pinkie, Rarity and Fluttershy were talking (Fluttershy was mostly listening), Applejack and Dash were doing some sort of competition, Twilight was reading and I was rocking out to some Swedish power metal. I figured I should quit being a little bitch and get over it, I distracted myself by reading a book on my phone. It's a historical fiction about Japan not surrendering and the U.S. invading mainland Japan. I decided to take a quick snooze I was in an airport, I walking to the gate for my plane, as I was walking by another gate when an explosion went off and slammed me into a wall and I blacked out. When I came to, the terminal was filling with smoke there was broken glass, bodies and broken panels on the floor. I tried to stand, but couldn't stand up. I looked at my body, my shirt and pants were ripped and scorched and my left leg was gone. I stood up and hobbled up, calling out help. Through the smoke, I saw a figure through the smoke, only it was a dark blue unicorn and I awoke. We arrived after another hour after my early-afternoon-mare, as opposed to an average nightmare. We pulled into the station at platform 9. I was tempted to run between platform 8 and 9, but I'll do that later. There was a carriage and some guards to escort us to the castle, which was nice because between the seven of us, we had a mountain of suitcases, we all had one except Rarity who had the whole mountain. I got my first good look at the castle from the outside, it was impressive. Massive stone walls, big towers and guards in solid gold armor (the literal fuck at that last one). The guards on gate duty opend the gate and let us into the courtyard, we came to a halt in what I could only describe as the main door. Only this door is twenty feet high and has rare gems in the door (gems are extremely common in Equestria, so the wow factor is diminished). We exited the normal carriage and I heard. "Twily" "BBBFF!" Twilight replied. "Applejack, what is BBBFF" "Big Brother Best Friend Forever" "Aaaand who is her BBBBFF" I already forgot how many Bs and Fs there were. "Why that's Shining Armor, former captain of the Royal Guard and co-ruler of the Crystal Empire with his wife, Prncess Cadance." Rarity explained. She never told us that. The major thing about her I knew was she is Celestia's personal student. Princess Celestia was inside waiting for us, along with another alicorn, this one was a dark blue, her hair also was magically flowing and had little white specs in it. She seemed familiar from somewhere, but I'm not sure where from. Next to her was a white unicorn stallion who was hugging Twilight. He was taller than an average stallion and if he was a human, he would be ripped. Guess that's Shining Armor. We introduced ourselves "Cadence said she would be he-" he said, as I was violently tackled by a pink furball and I was quickly picked up. "*Squeeee* He's even cuter than you said Auntie!" I was stuck rolling on the tiled floor waiting for the sweet embrace of death to save me. My cause of death: crushed by hug, not as good as death by snu snu. "Cadence! Drop him this instant" Celestia scolded her "Jokes.. On her... Princess I'm a... Hugger too!" I tried to say as my lungs were being crushed, I stood up with her holding on, somehow gripping me harder. We stood there in a hugging war, before she was pulled off by magic. We finally got formally introduced, her real name is Mi Amore Cadenza, sounds Italian to me. We walked in the castle, (I was on pink pony princess carrying duty) a maid took my stuff to my room, she was wearing one of these French maid outfits which makes no sense. We spent several hours talking, had dinner than we all went to do our separate things. I went back to my room to unpack and get ready for tomorrow. Author's Note I've decided to include current events, I hoped to include Brussels sooner, but I've been busy. Sorry for such a short chapter, I've hit writers block for this one. I'm going to put this on hiatus and start on a new story to improve my skills. MeetingI woke up to the sound of knocking. "Come in" I called out in a 'you just woke me up' voice. A maid walked in, wearing a French maid outfit (these ponies can't make their minds up, I've never seen a pony wear an outfit to work until now) "Sorry to bother you sir, but Princess Celestia wanted me to make sure you're up and Priness Cadence would like to see you ASAP" she explained. Oh dear god, the second stalker in my life wants to see me, and worse she's a pony and the worst part is she's married! "Tell Princess Celestia I'm up and Princess Cadence I'll be there in 10" Shouldn't take me that long to get ready. The maid left and I rolled out of bed, and got ready. I walked out in my pajamas and a pair of slippers and towards Princess Cadence's room down the hall. I knocked on the door. "Who is it?" Cadence asked "The man you requested," I replied "for some reason" I muttered under my breath, the door opened magically, I quickly did the cross gesture and walked in. Princess Cadence was still in bed, with the blankets wrapped around her. "You needed my help or something Princess?" I asked her, confused on why I'm needed. "Yes, I need you to carry me to the dining hall, also just call be Cadence." She ordered, I faceplamed and groaned "You have wings, can't you fly? Or teleport there." I pointed out, she brushed off the suggestion with a wave of the hoof "I'm used to those ways, I want to try a more... Exotic way." She said, I was confused, tired and for some reason afraid for my balls (not in that order). "Riiiiiiight... I'll see you in the dining hall then." I said, and turned around to leave. The door suddenly locked itself, I turned around and walked to the balcony doors, only for them to be magically pried shut as well. "Your Princess orders you to carry her to the dining room." She said in a stern voice, I laughed in response. "JOKES ON YOU PRINCESS MY COUNTRY HAS NO ROYALTY! NOT TO MENTION, THIS ISNT YOUR COUNTRY!" I yelled and ran for the main door, my outburst caught her off guard as she fell out of bed as was engulfed in her blankets, the doors unlocked. I flung the door opened and ran. I felt something grab my foot, I looked down and saw a pinkish aura grabbing it. I looked up in fear, Pinkie Dash and Applejack were looking at me in confusion. "Help meEEEE" I said as my foot as suddenly flung back and dragged the rest of me with it, I struggled to get a grip on the carpet, and finally the door frame, my eyes felt like they were the size of Texas. I heard Applejack say, just as I lost my grip "It's too early for this I'll see y'all in the dinin room" I limped along, my right knee no doubt forming a bruise on it after the incident. I was dragged into Princess Cadence's room, where she latched onto my back like a bullrider. I was now carrying the lightly snoring princess to the dining room, with her mumbling directions. I was missing my right slipper, somewhere during the struggle for my life. She had her forehooves around my neck, and I had my hands behind her kneecaps (what did you except me to grab her ass?). I felt several, small hard things on my shoulder, I glanced over and saw she was nibbling on it, I sighed. We finally arrived at the dinging room, "Hey Cadence, mind opening the doors for me." The door magically swung open and I walked in the nine ponies looked at me, then at the snoozing pink princess, nibbling on my shoulder, then back to me. I looked Princess Celestia in the eye and said "Now I am become Death; destroyer of worlds." I kept walking and dropped Cadence off next to her husband, who nuzzled her. I noticed a buffet of food, no meat, but lots of cake, I loaded up on pancakes and hash browns and walked over to an empty chair between Dash and Princess Luna "What have I missed so far? Also, why is there cake for breakfast?" I asked nonchalantly, ignoring the stares of everyone else. "Because Tia loves cake, and despite my warning that it will expand her Royal Plot, she continues to eat it" Luna explained. Princess Luna: Part time princess, full time savage I mentally noted, and gave her a discrete fist/hoofbump. Celestia just sighed and continued to eat her breakfast cake slice and retorted "Coming from the Princess who always has a stash of cookies in her room." Princess Celestia: Also part time princess, full time savage I added another note to my files. "Oh and the ambassadors will be here in half in hour." I was not informed of when they would arrive, I sighed, rolled a pancake up like a joint and walked out. "I'm off to shower and get ready, I'll see you all in twenty." I called out as I left. "Well... This has been an interesting morning" Shining Armor pointed out, as he continued to eat his waffles. I somehow remembered my way to my room, and walked into the bathroom. The shower head was wayyy taller than I expected, almost eight feet up, which seemed overkill when the average pony is three and a half feet tall. Maybe different rooms for all the leaders and stuff and they give me one for the biped species of the planet. I put on my suit and realized I had I no clue where the meeting is. "Well... Shit" I said as I looked down the hallway, I was about to eent, meeny, miny, moe it, when ~~Death~~ Cadence came around the corner. "I'm here to get you, and don't worry, I'll walk." She said, I let out a sign of relief and we walked through the maze of halls. We arrived at the top of a set of stairs in the front of the castle, Celestia, Luna and Shining Armor were already there at the bottom.Cadence was between her husband and Luna, who was next to Celestia, and I was on Celestia's other side. A few seconds later Celestia asked me, "Chris, that quote you said when you entered the dining hall, where is that from?" "It comes from an ancient text, I don't remember which. But is was made famous by a scientist after seeing the results of a project that he worked on." I explained "What was the project did he work on?" Luna asked, I mentally sighed. None of us told any of the ponies about our history yet. The most any of them knew was the terror attack yesterday. "The atomic bomb." I answered "What's that?" Shining asked, I figured he would ask that one, being a former captain, that or he was next up to ask a question. "A bomb that uses certain atoms, mainly uranium and plutonium to create massive explosions. They've only been used twice and for good reason. The cities they were dropped on were completely destroyed." I mentally thought of the pictures of the mushroom clouds and after photos of the cities. Before any had a chance to speak I continued, "Human history is filled with wars and violence, but also caring and compassion. I think the best word to summarize it all is-" "Chaotic?" A voice said "No quite, something more like, confusing. But that could work," I realized we were the ones standing out there, "Who said that? We're the only ones here." They all realized that and fired up their horns, the voice just laughed and said, "I'm reformed, remember?" "Can someone explain who that is?" I was getting pretty ticked off about this whole floating voice who knows human history, all of a sudden a tall creature was standing in front of us, he had a snake like body, a deer antler, a lizard foot and a wide variety of other body parts. "Discord" Celestia said venomously, I don't know much about political, but even if you hate another leader, you at least pretend to be happy to see them. "I told you princess, I'm reformed." He turned to me and introduced himself, "Discord, God of chaos, I have to admit from what I've seen, you humans have an interesting history." "How do you know about our history?" I asked him "I went into your mind, of course!" He explained I was pissed, if he went into my mind what did he know about ME? Does he know my secrets, or my fears? "Don't worry, I only looked at your history" Discord said "You're still in my mind?" I asked him "Of course" he answered "Could you please leave?" I asked "Hmmmmm," Discord began to rub his beard, I knew the answer would be no "No" "Fine, want to see from photos and footage of the war?" I asked him, everyone seemed surprised by me asking him that question. Discord laughed and said "Of course, all of that chaos." "Alright. I'll warn you, it's pretty gory." I informed him "I've lived through millennium, there's little I haven't seen" he said sounding ticked off "Fine, don't say I didn't warn you then." And I began the show I started with the opening scene to Saving Private Ryan (AN: I was thinking about adding it in, but decided not to due to the extremely high gore count, watch at own risk). He seemed a little pale. "That was Omaha Beach" I told him. I moved onto the Holocaust and the starved bodies and mass graves, I showed him a picture of fingernail marks made in the showers from Jews trying to escape the gas. I was about to switch over to the Eastern front, but he turned all green, summoned a trash can, puked and left. Everyone looked at me in confusion at what just happened. "Chris... What did you show him?" Celestia asked "I showed him footage of the largest amphibious invasion in history and photos from a genocide" I plainly answered, they all gasped at the second one. "Discord turned tail and fled. (pony puns, anyone?) Why aren't you affected by it all?" Shining asked "I've seen it before, if he does it again, I have a lot more things to show him." I answered angrily, just then, trumpets began to play, the gates opened and a carriage entered, it came to a stop, and out came a zebra. They had on a gold hoops along their whole neck, reminding of both the tribes on Esrth that do that and Mr. T. He walked up to Princess Celestia and they both bowed at each other, "Princess Celestia" he said, with a heavy African accent "Chieftain Motomba," (pronounce mo-tomb-ba) "it is good to see you again" she replied "This is Ambassador Murray from Earth" she continued, he bowed. I returned it with a Japanese bow. "It is a pleasure to meet you Chieftain." I said "And you too" he replied continued down the line, greeting everyone one, just then another carriage arrived, this one came to stop just behind the other one. A Minotaur came out from here, from here I could tell he was in the military, medals where on his uniform. His dress uniform reminded of the ones back home, except his is maroon instead of blue. He was tall too, probably eight feet tall, he climbed him, greeted Princess Celestia, then turned to me. "I'm Colonel Strong Hoof" he said in an unusually high pitched voice, I think Patton had a similar voice. "Ambassador Murray, nice to meet you Colonel" as we shook hands, he bent down and whispered "You have no clue how little I do this here" "I can only imagine." I replied continued down the line and stood next to Chieftain Motomba, the two were glaring at each other, despite Strong Hoof having several feet and at least a ton weight advantage on him. Celestia, quietly groaned and whispered to me "I really don't feel like dealing with those two." "Then give your self a nice raise, a million an hour, wait no, a minute." I shot back to her, she quietly chuckled, we watched as an airship landed on a nearby cobblestone circle. Must be there version of a helipad. Out came several griffons guards down the gangplank and out walked a griffon in a dress uniform as well. His front half was still in a white shirt, with medals on it. It reminded me of the Navy's dress uniform and his back off was still 'naked'. He walked up the stair and greeted Celestia and moved to me "Admiral Syllus ( pronounce sigh less), Royal Griffon Air Force." He said "Ambassador Murray." I simply said, and with everyone here we all turned around and walked into the castle. Author's Note Finally banged this out. I'll be writing this and The Guardian alternatively, although if I hit a block I'll switch. Also first chapter over 2k words Kidnapped Kidnapped We all walked to the meeting room, it had a nice big, wooden, round table. I was expecting that much of the room. I noticed a table against the wall with a line of red telephones, and above each of them was a card with the 'owner' of the phone: a pony, a pony with a gem in the middle, a Minotaur, a griffin, a black and white pony/zebra and a stick figure. I chuckled to myself at my own phone line and the picture above it. We all sat down and Celestia began the meeting. Oh sweet baby Jesus I'm bored as shit, when I get back I am SO implementing a term limit until we've all done it and we reset. Or better yet, I have no reputation here so maybe I can get caught with drugs. Do they have drugs here? Is there a drug trafficking issue here? I was mentally talking to myself out of sheer boredom, and I still had a whole two hours to go. Mostly, so far it was been trade agreements, which technically having no borders, or imports and exports, I sat around doing nothing except butting in an idea for a fair trade. A phone began to ring, we all turned to look at it, mine had a red light on it going off. I wonder who has my number, considering I never knew it existed until today. I walked over to it and picked it up, I didn't even put it up to to my ear, and I could all already hear yelling. "NELSON BEEN FOOKING KIDNAPPED MATE!" Brian screamed, the other diplomats all turned at the volume and the news of that. I sighed and began to talk "I want to start from the beginning, slowly and calmly tell me what the hell happened." I said "Right, so me and the mates," he began, while I mentally choked him for saying mate "we're all heading to town to talk to some of the ponies who offered us jobs. Then, a golden aura, surrounded him and picked him and took off with him." "Please tell me you two followed him. If you managed to lose a six foot six Aussie, who was probably like screaming like The Crocodile Hunter, I'm gonna be really pissed." I said "No, he was screaming bloody murder." I am really wanting to choke him now, I may have to dump all his tea in lake for revenge "we followed him to some house in town, then the door was locked and he was still yelling. It's been quiet for a while now, but for all Noah and I know, his mouth is duct taped and nothing bad has happened." He continued "Did you asked the townsfolk who lives in that house?" I asked "Yea, a woman named Lyra, but Noah and I don't recall what she looks like, do you?" "Uhhhh, damn, I know the name, but can't visualize her. Son of a bitch. Why not ask around for what she looks like." I suggested, and received a long moment of silence from the other end "Hello? Brian? You okay over there? Hello?" "I'm here! I was telling Noah to ask around." "Ok, soooo uhhhh, what's up??" I ask while waiting, I hear Noah in the background talking to Brian "That right! I totally forgot, she's the mint green unicorn who's obsessed with humans." Brian told me "Oh yeah! That's right. Now what?" I say "Now what? NOW WHAT, you tell me Mr. Suit and tie." He yelled at me "Uhhhh, call out to her and asks what she wants. If she wants money and a flight out of the country, let me know." I tell him, calling upon all my knowledge of hostage negotiation from movies. "Really?" He asks suspiciously "Yes really, I can't say I've been in this position so I'm using all my knowledge from Hollywood."'I tell him, I realized how weird this conversation must said from this end. Hearing half a conversation can be fun at times. I wait a bit as he talks to Noah in the background "That's it?" Brian asks "so, uhhh apparently, she wants" he takes a deep breath and sighs "to know about humans." "That's it! All of this, over that?" I say, I pinch the the bridge of my nose " I guess, talk to her and what not, talk about history and human achievements." I order him, I hear Nelson yell 'FREEEEEDOM' in the background "Oh and tell Nelson that was a good Mel Gibson from Braveheart impression. I'll take it that my work here." "Yea, right, cheerio!"' He said "Sweet Jesus Brian, if you would have said 'God save the Queen' and 'Tea time' in this conversation you would officially be the most British person I know" "Do you even know any British people?" he asked me "Nope, and I am proud to say I know only one and you're that one. Bye." And with that, we hung up. My self-confidence was thorough the roof after solving this crisis. I turned around walked back to my seat, scooted a little closer to the table and said, "Still got it.". And with that we slowly got back into negotiating. We finally took a lunch break at about noon. We all walked through the labyrinth known as the castle's hallways, personally all the halls are the same. We all sat down and given menus, by ponies in butler ponies (why do they have suits jackets and bow ties, but not pants?). After we finished Celestia cleared her throat and said "Now is everypony's favorite event." She said smiling, I was not given a schedule and given no information about how this works, so I guessed. "Quitting time?" I asked and received a chorus of laughter, I kept thinking, that's the best part of the day, right? Leaving school or work, going home and relaxing. "I'm drawing a blank here, what's up next?" I asked "Military inspections, we have a friendly competition of whose military performs the best," She told me. She continued "I would have told but you... Have no military to speak of." Makes sense, sort of, but she could have told me I so would have brought some guns here as we began to walk back outside. "I understand, but the last time I was here I had a weapon or two or three, and Nelson did have a machete too." I told her, they all seemed a little surprised by that. "I remember the sword, but what other weapons did you have?" She asked me "Well, two of them are small and were hidden the other one was the long piece of wood and metal I had with me on my back." I explained and Celestia's eyes lit up in surprise "I see, now do these weapons work." She asked, and I explained it all to them... "So these sniper rifles can be used for long range combat?" Syllus asked "Correct Admiral, the longest confirmed kill with one is a little more than a mile I believe." I said, Colonel Strong Hoof whistled at that. We finally arrived outside in the back courtyard area, I saw a dozen minotaurs, a dozen Griffins and three dozen ponies: a dozen in golden armor, a dozen in a darkish blue armor and the last in a purple color, with a orange gem in the middle. The ponies in the purple armor looked shiny, before I realized they actually were. Ohhhh, I get it now Crystal Empire, Crystal Ponies, they really like puns around here, then how come Cadence and Armor don't look like that?. I suddenly realized. They all had the same weapons, swords on their sides and some had crossbows. They did various drills, sword fights and archery competitions, the Lunar Guard won the Best Drilled, the minotaurs won the best Swordfighting having hands to hold the sword with helps out, and the Soalr Guard won Best Archery. I personally thought with my rifle I could do better than them, but that's just me. We all went back in, where the meeting was promptly dismissed and we were free do whatever, some just stayed around or went off to talk about whatever, but I just went to my room. I had a guard show me to my room, because this castle is a labyrinth to me. "Here you are Ambassador." The guard said "Thank you." I replied, and walked back in. My first plan was to get out of this suit, I'm more of a sweatpants and t-shirt guy. I hopped in the shower, which is the only thing I've seen to be bigger than me, I have to nearly kneel to use a counter and I don't need a seat most of the time at a table. I quickly took it and went into my closet and pulled out a simple white shirt and my American flag shorts because fuck it. I was planning on listening to some music, taking a nice nap and then heading back out. While I was sitting there I realized something big: I was alone. I mean, yeah I'm the only one in the room, but more than that. Does my family know what happened? Or my friends? How long have I been gone for? I've been here for almost a week, but they could be a year or a decade, it could even be a minute. I couldn't help but let a tear go. I sat there, looking up at the ceiling thinking about home, homesick as fuck. I heard the sound of horseshoes on the tiled floor, walking down the hall, I assumed it was one of the princesses or even the Chieftain. I heard whoever it was stop outside my door and began talking. "How is he niece?" I heard Celestia say "He's sad about something, I can't tell what about though." Cadence said back, I didn't know how she knew how I was doing, but still. I put some music on, and closed my eyes anyway and fell asleep. I woke up, groggy as hell. It was dark out, but then again it was winter, so for I all know it was only 5:30 in the evening. I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes, I took my earbuds out and stumbled out of bed. "Oh shit." I muttered to myself, I checked my watch 5:37, not that far off from my guess. I walked out and looked around where to go from here. Pinkie bounced around the corner. "Hey Pinkie, what's up?" I asked her, I realized I hadn't seen her or any of the girls since this morning, but I have been alseep for the last few hours. "Well the girls and I spent the day in Canterlot, seeing the sights. Afterwards Rarity went to the fashion district, Twilight went to the library as always, Fluttershy went to the zoo, Dashie and AJ were going around doing competitions as usual." She said "And what about you?" I asked, my gut was telling me she threw a party "Well, a colt was having his birthday party, so I spent my day there." She said, causally "Sooo you crashed a party?" "No." "Ok then, do you know where everyone else is." "Oh that's easy, their all in Princess Celestia's study. I was coming to get you." She said "How do yo-" I began, before letting out a sigh "let's go." I was going to ask how she knew I was awake but I already knew the answer. Pinkie Sense. Pinkie can tell when things will happen, it's like Spider sense, but more accurate and more a pink pony. Everyone thinks Pinkie is odd, but I don't. She may seem odd, but considering I woke up on a different planet, with people from other countries and said planet is home to talking ponies and other mythological creatures, the fact she pulls things from random areas has no effect on me. We finally arrived at the study room we walked in and joined the girls and princesses. I greeted them and sat down we made idle chat, until a bright light filled the room. We all jumped up to look out the window at what occurred. In the back courtyard, was a truck from earth, more importantly it was a deuce and a half truck. I started laughing and I was about to ran down to it, until I realized I had no clue how to get there. So I took the easy way, opened a window and climbed down to it. The guards surrounded it, holding their swords and spears pointed at it. "Watch out!" I said to them and jumped in. "Chris, what is this... Machine?" Luna asked me "This is a truck from home, I don't remember the official name, but it's called a deuce and a half because it weighs two and a half tons. It can carry troops or supplies, it can carry 5,000lbs off-road or 10,000 on a road, it it's known to haul double or even triple that" I turned my attention back to the inside and looked for the keys, they were already in the ignition. "My country built it during World War 2, but it served again in the Korean War and even into the 1960s before finally withdrawn." I finished "Your world had TWO world wars?" Shining asked in disbelief "Yep." Was my simple response "Lets see if she can run." I turned the key, and she roared to life. Everyone took a step back, even the princesses and the guards. "Do you even know how to drive it?" Twilight shouted over the engine. "Yea! I drove one up to my uncle's house in the mountains!" I called back. I turned off the engine and climbed back out, I went around the back to see if their was anything good back there. I found nothing. I don't know what I was hoping to get, but still. "Now what?" I asked "Well, you can keep it, how we'll get it out, I'm not sure. I'm quite sure my little ponies would panic if they saw that thing driving down the streets." Celestia said. "Ok, so I can't drive out or even drive to the train station. Hmmm" I said, heavily in thought. Maybe I could drive at night. "He could use the station at the camp further up the mountain." Armor suggested "What? There's military base not this mountain? The city is already halfway up it!" I said before I realized the answer: magic. I slammed my head into the steering wheel and caused the horn to go off. "Shit!" As I jumped back in surprise. I climbed back out and we all went back inside. ISIS, baths and a gunWe were walking back to the study, when I remembered Nelson was a free man I should probably call him and make sure he's okay. "I'll be right back, I've got to make a call." I said and went back to my room to call him. We all exchanged numbers in case of any problems and make it easier to talk to each other. I gave him a call "Hello?" "Hey Nelson, welcome back to the land of the free." "Ha-ha, what's up man?" "Wow Nelson, I was excepting you to say mate. Caught me off guard." "Is it because Brian says it or because I'm from Australia?" I heard someone talking in the background and Nelson's muffled voice. "You having a celebration for your release?" "No the guys and I are just hanging out. No I'm fine Brian, yes I'm sure. God." "Brian riding your ass?" "Yea, you got taken and have a civil conversation with your kidnapper and Brian is all over you." "You know how Mother England is with her kids, except the rebellious one." I hear Nelson laughing away and he repeats it to the others. "Brian says he's gonna get you back for that one." "Tell him he can try, but there'll be a Ponyville Tea Party." *SLAM* "DID SOMEPONY SAY PARTY?!?" Pinkie suddenly kicks open my door and bursts in wearing a party hat and drags her party cannon in with her "NONONO OH DEARGOD NO!" I quickly say, she seems glum by my denial of a party. "Then why did you say party?" She asks sadly "It's part of a name of an event back home, it's wasn't an actual tea party." I explained "Oh. Okay! Bye!" And she walks out "Nelson you still there?" I ask "Yea, nice save." He says "Thanks." "So how was work?" He asks me "Boring until Brian called flipping out and shit hit the fan with that. But other than that is was chill. An old army truck showed up here about half an hour ago, so that's coming home with me." "Really? Is it possible that more things will come here?" "Only time will tell." "Alright, hey I've got to go, having dinner." "Ok man, don't let me stop you. See you tomorrow." And with that we hung up. I totally forgot to ask if they got jobs in town or not, I knew some ponies offers them jobs, but I don't know who got asked for what job or they even accepted any. I got up and went back to the study. I turned a corner and bumped into someone "My bad, I didn't see you there." I said, apologizing to them, they had long hair, but a stallion's face, so I couldn't tell if they were male or female. "Of course you didnt you filthy commo-" he began to say before he looked up at me "GUARDS! RETURN THIS MONK-" he said, before I cut him off "FINISH THAT FUCKING SENTENCE AND I WILL GOUGE OUT YOUR EYEBALLS AND SKULLFUCK YOU!!" I roared at him. He quickly ran away, screaming like a little girl, as he passed a door it opened up, revealing everyone. They looked at me, then down the hall at the screaming pony, Applejack, Dash and Rarity began to laugh at the scene. The rest of them seem... Surprised for the lack of better terms. "Chris, you don't plan to... Follow through with that, do you?" Celestia asked me "No, I'm not some sicko, I said to make him freak out. Who was that anyway?" I said "That was Prince Blueblood, he's a distant relative of ours and he lives here. He always is out chasing mares." Luna explained, Rarity blushed a little at this, maybe he dated her or something. "Alright, hopefully next time he sees me he'll remember what I said then." I said and we all went back into the room. "So who did you call, if um you don't mine me asking. You don't have to answer." Fluttershy asked, looking at me with her lone cyan eye, the other hidden by her hair. "I called Nelson he... sorta kinda of got kidnapped earlier." I said, rubbing the back of my neck. "There's no grey area between being foalnapped and not, so was he or was he not?" Twilight asked, sounding kinda harsh "Yea he was b-" "WHAT?!" The girls all shout. "Who took him? I'll beat their flank!" Dash said, ticked off and flying around Applejack leapt up and grabbed Dash by her tail and bringing her back down to solid ground. "Woah sugahcube, calm down." She grunted through her clenched teeth, Dash struggled a bit more before giving up. "Who was it?" Twilight asked "Lyra, apparently she wanted to learn about 'humans' or something like that" I said "She could do what I did. Of course she would have to be a god or an alicorn to do that." Discords's voice resonated around the room. Everyone jumped up and looked around for him. A shadow melted off the wall and appeared in front of me. "Now what do you want?" I asked, still pissed about the earlier event with him. "Relax, young lad-" He began to say "Call me young lad again and I'll show you what ISIS did to that Jordanian pilot they shot down." I threatened, he gulped loudly "So you know what happened then?" I asked. He quickly shook his head and disappeared once again. "Chris, what did you mean by that. What's ISIS and what happened." Celestia asked. Shit, now I have to explain about a group trying to form their own country where women are almost slaves and they throw stones to kill people. "It's... Nothing. Don't worry about it." I said hesitantly. "Really? it doesn't sound like nothing." Applejack pointed out "I know, it's just that human history is full of wars and violence, but ISIS has taken up a notch." I said "ISIS... that sounds familiar Chris. Where have I heard it before?" Twilight asks, raising a hoof in her chin and idly scratching her chin. "On the news yesterday in Brussels." I replied, the girls gasped and the rest of them looked confused "So these ISIS... brutes did that?" Rarity asked, my silence was the answer. "Oh my." Fluttershy said quietly. "Yeah." I replied, I looked around at all of them, shock plastered on their faces. "Now what?" I asked. Luna stood up, and stretched her back like a cat and said, "I do not, but I will take a nice bath." "I'll join you sister." Celestia said "I'll join you Aunties" Cadence said, soon everyone else said they join as well for a bath. They all looked at me, waiting for my response. "Yea no count me out. Public bathing fell out of style when the Roman Empire fell." I said "So? Ponies bathe together all the time. Big Mac, AppleBloom and Ah all shower together." Applejack pointed out. I personally thought it's weird they would all shower together. "But why?" I asked "Ponies have a hard time washing their backs, so it's not uncommon for friends to bathe together." Celestial explained "Oh. So you can't do this?" I asked, and turned around rubbing my back with my hands and grabbing the other hand for a minute. "Alright alright show off." Dash said "Coming from Ms. Modesty herself?" I asked, sarcastically, everyone laughed blush Dash just blushed and we all left and went our separate ways. "God damn, I should've gone and put some pants on." I muttered to myself. I was slowly losing feeling in my legs, but I had a hoodie and twelve years of experience in the harsh NorthEast winter. I was back outside to get a farther look at the truck. Maybe some hidden Nazi gold or something like that. Yea that'd be nice, some gold and I'm set for life. Wait, gold is common here. Fuck. There was a group of guards walking around it. "Pretty cool, huh?" I called out, they all jumped a little out of surprise. I walked up to the cab and jumped in and was engulfed by darkness. "Would you like a torch sir?" A guard asked "No thanks, I have one with me." I said, pulling out my phone and turning on the flashlight. I took a look around for anything of interest. A glint on the floor got my eye, I reached under and felt something, it was wooden. Maybe I actually did find stolen Nai treasure, but with my luck it'll be empty. After some moving it around, I pulled out my prize and was greeted holding the stock of a trenchgun. "Huh, that's odd." I muttered to myself, I did a quick rundown of the rest of the cab, but came away empty handed. Not even ammo for the gun. I climbed back out and looked under the seat for some ammo. I found two boxes, each holding two dozen rounds. I went to check the bed of the truck real quick, this time checking under the seats as well, but came up empty. I went back in happy with my find. "Oh that's nice." I said, sighing happily as I out on a thick pair of thick sweatpants. I sat down on my bed, thinking about what to do next. I had no clue where everyone was at, no doubt still bathing though and I still had wasn't going to join them. I put my music on shuffle and looked around the room, searching for an idea. I saw my travel bag hanging on the back of a chair near the fireplace and I got an idea. I grabbed it and pulled out my sketchbook and color pencils, planning on drawing something or die trying. I noticed a table with a old radio from the 1930s on it. I sat down in the chair and started to draw, I had no clue what I was outlining but part of me didn't and the other part did. I started to draw a simple rectangle and split it into quarters. The top right quarter I drew four stars, the top left I further spilt into thirds, the whole bottom was the same design, a box straight in the middle and two lines at a forty five degree angle coming down from the middle. The right corner four seven sided stars and a five sided star. I began to color it in, the top right was colored blue and the stars were left paper white. The top right had the left and right thirds shaded in with red. The bottom was shaded in with blue and red. Just as I finished I realized what I drew: a combination of everyone's flag. The stars form the US, the red and white from Canada (minus the maple leaf) and the bottom was the UK and Australia. I sat there trying to figure out why I drew this, when someone knocked on the door. "Come in." I called out and everyone walked in "So what did you do while we were away?" Cadence asked me "Well, I went back out to the truck and nearly froze my legs off, but I found a trenchgun so it was well worth it. I came back here and drew this funny looking flag for some reason and now I'm waiting for a fireside chat with FDR." I explained and pointing at the radio. "Who's FDR?" Celestia asked "He was the 32nd President of my country. His first two terms he had to try and fix the economy when the whole world was in a depression. He used the radio, to talk to Americans about issues." I said. "Hmmm, interesting." She replied "Would you care to join us for dinner?" She asked "Considering I have no money and no idea where else to eat. Yea." I said and I stood up. Only to get knocked back down by a pink princess. "Carry me." She said, laying a hoof over her forehead. I looked at Shining and mouthed 'Help me' and received a 'How?' in return. I groaned and with walked to the dining hall. Author's Note Sorry for the delay I've had a bad writers block on this one and my other story. I need an adultWe walked down the hall to the dining hall, with me carrying Cadence. She rubbed her face against my cheek. "What are you doing?" I asked, glancing down at her. "Cuddling my favorite human." She said "Chris, why is their fur on your face?" "It not fur, it's hair. All humans grow hair all over their bodies, except the lips, palms of our hands and soles of our feet. Women keep it all shaved off and men grow it however. Some keep it clean shaven, where as some have massive beards. I'm also the only human you know, if Noah or Nelson received the last vote for ambassador, they would be your favorite human." I told her, she gasped and looked at me "There's MORE humans? I have to meet them! SQUEEE!" She said, letting out a squeaky toy sound effect. "I'll give you Brian for 10 dollars." I told her "Dollars?" She asked "Bits" I corrected myself "Chris!" Celestia, lightly scolded me "Deal!" Cadence said "Cadence!" Celestia shouted, I looked at her "What?" I asked, playing dumb "Slabery is illegal in both Equestria and the Crystal Empire." She told me "Slavery is illegal here?" I said, sounding dumbstruck. "It's legal back home?!" They all asked "No, in some places it's still done, discreetly. My country outlawed it 150 years ago, after a civil war that lasted for four years." I said "Civil War? Why?" Twilight asked "Part of the country wanted to keep slavery because it was vital to the economy and the other didn't want to have slavery. The part that wanted to keep slavery seceded, which also raised the question of state rights versus the national government. Four years and 700,000 or so deaths later, the country was reunited and the President banned slavery and that's the basic rundown of the American Civil War." I said, they all looked at me in shock, suddenly a flash went off in my face and I went blind. I felt fur on my chest and heard several gasps. "Oh God! I'm blind! More importantly why do I fell shirtless?" I asked while keeping my priorities in order. Someone lifted whatever was on my head, off I looked around to see several blushing ponies and my bare chest. "Oh thank you God! I can see you again! What's wrong?" I asked them, seeing something was wrong. "Y-you have teats!" Rarity stammered while blushing and doing her best Fluttershy impression. "Yes, I do. All humans do, don't ask me why males do, we just do. But they're pointless on males." I explained. "Ohhhh, what kind of cutie mark is that?" Pinkie asked, I glanced over at Twilight "Didn't we already talk about how human DON'T get cutie marks?" "Yes, but what's that on your arm?" She asked, pointing with her nose at one of tattoos. "Oh! My tat, it's my father's police badge. My other arm has my mother's badge." I explained as my showed my other arm off. "How do you get them?" Cadence asked "I paid a friend of a friend to do it, Basically a needle goes under the top layer of skin and permanently marks the one under it or something." "Does that hurt?" Rarity asked "A little. Not much, the pain varies from place to place." I simply said, shrugging "Did you have any family serve in the military?" Shining asked "Shiny!" Twilight and Cadence scolded, I simply ignored them "Both my grandfathers served in World War 2, one served in the Pacific in the Navy aboard an aircraft carrier and the other served in Europe, from D-Day to the end. I had a cousin serve in Vietnam flying helicopters." I said, not adding that he was shot down and killed. I began to put my shirt back on. I was climbing back out to the light, when all light was blocked out, I looked up to see Cadence looking me. "Yes?" I asked her "Nothing." She simply said "I need an adult." I groaned out, Cadence stuck her face deeper in and said "I'm an adult." "On second thought, a therapist would be nice." I replied, with everyone laughing and Cadence removed her head from the head-hole of my shirt. She still had a grip on me and I awkwardly put my shirt back on. "Can someone explain to me why my shirt magically came off?" I asked as we arrived at the dining hall. My answer was silence. We all sat down with Cadence (as always) next to me and Rarity on my other side. We were handed menus, unfortunately I was in the mood for pizza and I found the lack of pizza disturbing. "God, I could go for I slice of pizza." I muttered to myself "What's that darling?" Rarity asked and everyone turned their head towards me "Pizza is an Italian dish, that's basically dough, tomato sauce and mozzarella cheese. Altough you can add different cheese to it and toppings, such as tomatoes, peppers or meat, just to name a few. You guys don't have anything similar to that?" I asked "No, but it sounds divine dear." Rarity said and everyone added their agreements. I stood up and walked back to the kitchen and started counting. "2,4,6,8,10 and me, that eleven." I said "two pies it is." "Where are you going Chris?" Celestial asked "Don't worry! As Ace Ventura once said 'If I'm not back in five minutes. Just wait longer!'" As I slid into the doors. I walked into a state of the art kitchen, just with low counters, like everywhere else. A griffon was standing there, with a chefs hat and a pencil mustache (How do they grow those? They have feathers) "Can I help you Monsieur?" He asked me with a French accent, throwing off even more. But I quickly recovered "Yes, I recently learned that this planet does not have pizza and I'm here to introduce it." I explained He gasped at that, or he burned something "Of course Monsieur! I would be honored to help you. What do you require?" "I need dough, tomato sauce and mozzarella cheese and a a ladle." I said and we got to work, and I explained the step along the way. In ten minutes we had two pies in the oven, we sat around in comfortable silence while they cooked. I pulled them out and put them on two massive plates. "I'm assuming you don't have pizza cutter so a knife will do." I said and grabbed one, revealing a knife the size of my forearm. "Is a knife this size really necessary?" I asked, the chef just shrugged. "I'm back!" I said balancing a pizza on each arm. I was about to put them in the middle, but a purple aura did it instead. "Dude! I totally had that!" I said, taking my seat. "Dig in everyone." I said, reaching for a slice. Only to watch as a slice flew onto everyone's plate in a golden aura of magic. I looked at them all trying to figure out how to eat it. I was a 'Folder', which is the only way to eat it as far as I'm concerned. "How exactly do you eat this?" Rarity asked "It isn't that hard Rarity, you could fold in half, use a fork and a knife or just eat across it like this." Pinkie said, eating the pizza from side to side in the blink of an eye. We all looked at her for a moment, I merely shrugged and explained. "She's right, I like to fold mine. Some people eat from the crust forward or rip the crust off and put it in the middle. We call those people weird." "Why are they weird?" Twilight asked "'Cause that isn't right. The crust is at the end for a reason. It messes with the flow, so to say." Taking a bite of mine. Everyone else took a bite and moaned in pleasure of it. "Is it good?" I asked smugly, knowing the answer. I received a chorus of 'Yes' except for one "Darling this is sim-URRPP." Rarity began to say, only to burp like a truck driver. Applejack, Pinkie, Dash and I laughed at that, while everyone else, tried to hold it in. Rarity looked like she wanted to disappear. I was able to stop laughing for a moment and was able to say, "In some cultures, that would be seen as a compliment, so thank you." "Really? What barbaric cultures are those?" Rarity asked, scrunching her nose. "Wow! Insult some why don't you?" Before she can apologize, I cut her off "I'm just messing with you, I think it's common in SouthEast Asia." "What countries would those be?" Twilight asked "Uhhh, Vietnam, Cambodia and Laos I think, probably some more." I said and with that we left and went to do our separate things. Author's Note Sorry this thing took a month,I wasn't in the mood to write for awhile, I had finals and I was sick for a week. God this one was a bitch to write for me. Hopefully the next will be easier. MusicI was chilling in my room, not-so-quietly playing my music, which was on shuffle and playing "Spanish Caravan" by The Doors and getting ready to head home tomorrow. I didn't really have a set plan, which if Twlight found out about that I would be a dead man. My big plan was to have the guys over and talk some shit over. I wanted to set up some sort of government, I thought it was weird that I was some sort of Ambassador/President type of guy. Another big issue was gasoline for our cars, we obviously had no idea how to convert crude oil to gas or how to even drill it for that matter. We figured ethanol would be our best option, I did a little research into it and it made zero sense to me, but Nelson and Noah figured it out so I put them in charge of it. Come spring we'll plant half an acre of corn, which should be about 150 gallons of ethanol and see if that's a good amount or adjust it. My final thought was if anyone else showed up. What if another human showed up, but not in Ponyvillr, but another country and with nothing on the clothes on their back. Maybe they can't speak English at all, I only know a little Spanish and Noah knows some French and that's our entire foreign language department. But also, all of us are from English speaking countries, so maybe a South African or an Irish person is here, somewhere. I was done packing and was about to take a quick shower so I wouldn't be rushing in the morning, except I was interrupted by someone at the door. "Yea?" I called out "Can ya turn down the music? It's almost midnight! And what band is that? I've never them before." Dash said, I laughed at that second part. "I would imagine that you never have considering they're from Earth." I said. I could hear Applejack talking to Dash in the background. Something my 'records' I look over at the record player on a nearby table. I couldn't help but laugh if they think that's what I use. Then again, they've never seen my phone. Imagine Dragons came on next while I waited for one of them to start talking to me. Rarity and I think Fluttershy joined the conversation outside, I figured it was only time until Twilight and Pinkie somehow got involved. Instead of a knock on the door, I got a bright flash and something dropping on the desk next to me. "JESUS TITTY-FUCKING CHRIST!" I yelled as a stumbled backwards from the flashbang that went off next to me. There was a box, wrapped in gist wrapping paper and a note. I picked up the mote and read it, Dear Chris, I hope this makes up for my wrongdoings Lots of chaos, Discord P.S Don't worry, it refills when you run out I stood there trying to figure out what he means by 'it refills when you run out' of whatever this is. The door busted open, almost coming off the hinges and Dash and Applejack came bounding in "Why ya alright?" Applejack asked, as her looked confused by the random wrapped box I had "Uh why do ya have a gift for?" She asked, a pink blur came flying in, race car sound effect included. Pinkie stood there looking at me. "Well it's not your birthday," she said and giggled "that's in five months three weeks and four days, unless *GASP* it's an EARLY birthday present!" I was about to explain why I have it, when Twilight came stomping in. "UGH!! Can you all PLEASE keep the noise down? I'm reading about Starswirl the Breaded's theory on 3rd law on nature!" We all looked at her and tought the same thing: Da Fuck? Finally to add to the clusterfuck occurring, the Princesses and Shining showed up. Part of me noticed 'Cleanin'' Out My Closet' by Eminem was playing. "We sensed Discord's magic, is everyone alright?" Luna asked, we all said yes and they confused for a moment. "He wasn't here." I told them "Then why did we sense his magic?" Celestia asked "Probably because he magically dropped off this gift, whatever it is." I said, holding up the mystery box. "What's in it?" Twilight asked "I have no idea, but we'll find out in a minute." I said as I began to open it, I started from a corner. I ripped it and began to laugh my ass off at what I saw. 'The Sweetest Comeback in the history of Ever'. It was a box of Twinkies. I continued to rip it off and I was smiling like an idiot. "So that's what he meant by it never runs out" I muttered "Chris, what in Equestria is that?" Rarity asked "This is the best-worst tasting snack from Earth, not to mention has enough preservatives to mummify a small cat: The Twinkie." I explained, everyone's face going a little place at the cat analogy. "If they taste so bad, why do you have them and why did you say it proudly." Celesta asked I shrugged and began to open one"I like them anyway, I think another reason he gave them to me is because they are one of the food that represent America, alongside hamburgers and hot dogs." "You selfish bitch I hope you fucking burn in hell for this shit." Came out from my speakers. Everyone stiffens at that verse and I froze in place. Only my luck would that ONE verse play at a quiet part of the conversation. As the saying goes Thanks Obama Celestia cleared her throat and walked over to the record player. "I'm sorry th- where's the record?" She asked "That would be uhh my music." I said, as I walked over to the nightstand to pause it. "Where's the record?" She asked, I couldn't help but laugh a little at that question. "Records went out of style about thirty or forty years ago. They were replaced by cassette tapes and then those were replaced by CDs and then MP3s came along. Over time, the capacity on them increased. I mine, on my phone I have over 250 songs and I'm only halfway through my storage and I could delete some things for even more room." I said "So that's ya phone?" Applejack asked "Sort of. It's a cell phone, so it's portable. Unfortunately there is a distinct lack of cell phone towers here, so I can't use it to call, but it has plenty of uses." "Like what?" "I have a calendar, a camera, a map, weather, clock, notes, books, games, a conversion app, a bunch of other apps and a couple dozen games. But I can't use the map, weather, And some other apps because I have no internet here, obviously." I said "You have all this stuff on that little thing? You have to let me study it!" Twilight said "Also what's the internet?" I stood there for a moment trying to figure out how to explain the Internet. "Imagine being able to look up almost anything. Famous people, events, information on countries and their history and culture. Or looking the answer to questions like why apple seeds are toxic to humans." Twilight looked shocked and just stood there. Dash flew over and waved a hoof in her face "Yo Twi! Twi! She's in an egghead coma give her *yawn* a few minutes." When she yawned everyone except for Luna and I did too. "I suggest you all go to bed, you have a big day tomorrow." Celestia suggested and everyone left, with Twilight being carried out by Cadence's magic. I sat down on the edge of the bed and cracked open my box 'o Twinkies. "I'm gonna be a diabetic come morning." I muttered. While I sat there a thought entered my mind and it's one of those thoughts that irk you to no end. What do world leaders do when they're not leading? I mean Obama golfs and Putin rides bears shirtless, but what about privately? For all I know Obama does basket weaving or Putin is a men's fashion designer or something like that. What do the Princesses do when they're all together? For some reason I could see them being real formal in public, but put the three in a room all by themselves and they would turn into college aged girls, drinking margaritas and tequila and all sorts of other crazy shit. What were my hobbies? I thought to myself, what would I be caught doing if the paparazzi (if they even exist here) see me doing? I grabbed my phone and began a list of hobbies: Running Hunting communists Spreading freedom and democracy Fishing? Video games This list checks out and with my mind cleared, I fell asleep in a few minutes. Someone was knocking at my door, and I was pissed because I just fell asleep. Maybe if I don't answer they'll leave, I'm silently willing whoever is outside to leave. "Come ON Chris, it's 7:15!" Twilight called out, I still pretended to sleep. The door opens and I hear someone walking over to me and I try and resist the urge to smile. They start poking me, I let out a tired groan and roll over. I'm met with am angry, purple unicorn, "Yes?" I asked in my best tired voice "Come on! It's 7:16, we're a minute late!" Twilight said urgently "And what time do we leave?" "Well, the girls and I are leaving at 8:30 to a train to Ponyville that Princess Celestia got for us, but you're leaving at 8:15 to go the military base further up the mountain to put your truck on a special car." "Wow... You have this thing all planned out. Wake me in half an hour so I can get ready." "But that would only give you half an hour to get ready. You have to pack-" "Did that last night" "Shower?" "That would take ten minutes max." "Eat?" "I can be a very fast eater." I said, Twiligjt was silent for a moment. "But that wouldn't give you enough time to say goodbye to everypony." "Like who? The Princesses and Shining?" "Ugh! You're impossible!" She said as she stormed out "Even impossible says I'm possible!" I called out. I'm not falling asleep again anytime soon. I roll out of bed and take a quick shower. I take a look in the mirror, a shave wouldn't hurt, I grabbed my razor and shaving cream and began, accompanied by some Queen. I was shaving my right cheek, when someone knocked on the door, my hand went down and my head went up leaving a nice cut on my cheek. "OWW! FUCKIN' SHIT!!! FUCK!!" "Chris! Are you alright?" I heard Twilight ask through the door "Just peachy!" "Ya sure? Ya don't sound too fine from out here!" Applejack said "You can come in!" I said, I heard the door open and several hoofsteps walk across the floor. I finished shaving and stuck a piece of toilet paper on the cut. I finished up and walked walked out. "What about to your face darling?" Rarity asked "Well, whoever knocked on my door caught me off guard so my hand jerked down and left me with a small cut." "Oh my, do you want me to look at it, if you don't mind." Fluttershy asked "It wouldn't hurt to put some anti-infection stuff on it." I said and she walked out of the room. We stood there semi-awkwardly, I was feeling because I was only wearing a towel. Which gave me an awesome idea, next meeting wear a toga, next meeting kilt, next one motherfucking lederhosen. After that I'll wing it. I stood there trying not to grin when Fluttershy returned. "This'll sting a little." She advised "I figured, 'sides I've had a things worse than a little cut." "Oh my, like what, if you don't mind me asking." "Broke my collarbone twice, both times embarrassing ways, several nasty falls and a major surgery." "Surgery? For what?" Dash asked, I slid the towel down a few inches, revealing the scar, running across my chest. "I had some birth defect that left a larger than normal depression between my collarbones, I never really bothered to look into." "What did they do?" Twilight asked, looking a little too eager "Don't really know, they basically put a metal bar in me, took some cartridge out and it regrew into the proper shape." I said as Fluttershy finished putting a Band-Aid on my face. "Alright, I hope you don't mind, but I'm afraid I have to ask you all to leave so I can get changed. I'll meet you all in the dining hall." I said, they agreed and left. I started getting dressed when I remembered I have no clue where the dining hall is. Author's Note Yea! Another one down Next chapter: Homeward bound and meeting a famous pony from Canterlot. Here a story of how I broke my collarbone I was about five or six, so my bones were still weak/growing. I was rolling around on my parent's bed, I rolled off and broke it. They didn't even notice it was broken until it was almost fully healed, thank god it wasn't internal bleeding!m One last thing, I'm posting at 3:39 AM, so I apologize for any typos. Homeward bound Homeward bound I was dressed for umm success? I'm not sure if wearing a shirt from some distant relative in Ireland and a pair of jeans count or not, but as the saying goes 'I am but a simple man'. I wasn't sure if I should bring my luggage with me, something that I consider to be extremely important was not added in a certain purple unicorns's play by play plan. Worse case scenario is I grab it before we leave or something, I wasn't planning on leaving here empty handed, mostly because I didn't come here empty handed. I stepped out, ready to go home and do something there, the one million dollar question is where is the dining room? Was it on this level? Or was it up one? No down one or is this the ground floor? Is there a basement in here? Is Darth Vader really Luke's father? I stood there trying to answer the questions that bothered me the most when I noticed a cart that would be used by maids, except pony sized. I went over to the room that they were cleaning and knocked on the side of the door. "Yes sir?" The pony maid asked, in a French maid outfit, which still bothered me to no end. "Can you point me in the direction of the dining hall?" "Of course. Go down to the end of the hall, go up the flight of stairs and it's the third door on the left." She directed me, waving her foreleg around almost like making a mental map. I was freaked about how their legs can move like a elbow. "Thank you very much." "Of course sir. Have a good day." "You too." While I was walking down the hall, I had another item to had to my list of things to wear to the meetings. Those uniforms that Andrew Jackson would wear. I couldn't help but laugh a little to my self at that. I successfully made it, but than again it wasn't all that hard. But anything to improve my nonexistent self-confidence. I opened the doors and noticed a certain pink pony princess standing waiting for me. I quickly closed the doors slightly, enough to block her from me. "How long as she been there for?" I asked no one in particular. Cadence just lets out an annoyed groan. "How did you see me?" She asked, giving a look of both anger and hurt "I hate to rain on your parade but-" "Now that's just rude!" Pinkie said "What did she do for you to rain on her parade like that? You should be ash-UMPPH!!" She continued before a cyan hoof cut her off. "Like I was saying, you kinda stick out against a white wall, being pink and all." I explained "So I should paint this wall pink?" She asked me "I hope you don't plan on painting my walls, Cadence." Celestia said. Cadence paled a little at that "Of c-course not-t Auntie Tia." She stumbled out, but I could've sworn she muttered 'Sunbutt' at the end. I wrote it off as hearing things. I walked over to one of two empty seats, I took my chances being next to Pinkie Pie because life needs a little spicing up. "So what's the agenda? I mean after we all leave and go home?" "What's the matter? We aren't fun enough?" Luna asked with mock hurt in her voice "Considering I live in the same town as the 'Premier Party Pony' you have some stiff competition." I retorted "But even than, no one else is awake at 2am, I don't think." "Why are you up so late?" Twilight asked, I shrugged. "Then surely you wouldn't mind a little visit than?" Luna asked "Mi casa es su casa." I said "What did you say?" Twilight asked "He said 'My house is your house.'" Cadence said "You speak Spanish?" "I grew up in the Spaneighish region of Equestria." She admitted, I mentally slammed my head into the table. Thankfully a waiter walked in and dropped off some menus for us. "What other regions are there and which are we in?" I asked "We're currently in the Central region, there's also Spaneigh, Prance and Saddle Arabia, although the Saddle Arabians have been pushing for independence." Celestia said "So they'll be their own country?" I asked "Yes." "Do they even have a leader set up, or is it just they want to be independent and something like Somalia will happen?" I asked "They have a leader all set up, right now it's just smoothing out the details. What happened in Somalia?" Celestial asked, I was a little bit surprised that she was causally talking about this is front of the girls, who weren't involved with in politics. "Somalia is a country in East Africa that had its government topple in the early 1990s or maybe the late 1980s. Ever since its been clans and warlords fighting to take over the whole country." "And no has bothered to step in?!" Twilight asked "We tried. Back in '93 or so, a massive famine hit and killed about 300,000 or so." I began, they all gasped at that. "Oh my, that must've been the worst disaster ever!" Fluttershy said "It wasn't. Anyway the UN went in to distribute food and the U.S. sent some troops in to find some big warlord. Long story short, nineteen American troops died and caused us to leave." I explained A waiter came out and took our orders. We talked about more about the regions of Equestria, as I suspected, they were similar to the countries they shared a similar name to back on Earth. "So pretty much, everyone on the planet, speaks the SAME LANGUAGE, but these three places have their own languages?" I asked trying to make sense of this conversation. "Not quite." Luna said "Griffons and Minotaurs have their own dialects and dragons have their own language, although some speak Equestrian." Several waiters came out along with our meals. Shining and I stood next to the deuce, ready to head out. I did a quick check of my stuff: Suitcase, gun and the ammo for it. We said our goodbyes and climbed in, Shining had a little trouble climbing in, but he figured it out. "So which why do I go to get out of here?" I asked, noticing a distinct lack of entrances and exits "There's a gate around the side." He said pointing towards the east side "Alright." We drove off and began our drive to the base. "So Shining, how did you become a Captain? You seem a little young for that high of a rank. I'm pretty sure Captain is a high rank." I asked "It's up there, a few under having stars on my chest. I am on the younger side, but that's because I've seen a little combat." He admitted "Correct me if I'm wrong but Equestria has been in a war in 100 years or something like that." "MAJOR wars." He corrected "I fought against some Diamond Dogs and had some run ins with changelings. Not many soldiers can claim to have combat experience." "Never heard of those. What are they?" "Diamond dogs are bipedal dogs, almost look like you. Anyway, they live underground mostly and mine for gems, but occasionally come to the surface to kidnap ponies and occasionally griffons." Shining explained "Changelings look similar to ponies, but look more insect-like. They have solid colored eyes, fangs, their wings are more like an insect's than a bird's and their legs have holes in them." He continued "But their main ability is being able to disguise themselves. For all you know I could be one." "You better not be or I'll blow your head off Shining." I said "Trust me, at this range my trenchgun will take your head clean off." The drive was pretty uneventful, the path to and from the city and base wasn't cleared, so there were some snow drifts but nothing I couldn't handle. I saw a stone wall and some guard towers come into view, plumes of smoke lazliy glided away. I pulled up in front of a gate and Shining climbed out, I sat there mentally playing some Hendrix. Shining talked to one of the sentries at the gate, the other sentry left to get something. Shining and the other sentry kept talking, they probably know each other I assumed. The gate opened and Shining climbed back in. "Let's go." He ordered "Ay Ay Captain." "Ha-ha, follow Corporal Gale there to the train." He told me, I followed the pegasus guard. All around me guards stopped what they were doing and stared at me, some saluted Shining. We finally reached the train, it was a simple train, not that one made of gingerbread I see occasionally chug by the town. It had a passenger car and a flat bed car, with the ramp lowered. Instead having two 'prongs' stick out like a forklift, it was just one massive ramp. Makes my job easier. The deuce was on board and chained in place and my stuff was tucked away in the passenger car. "You coming aboard or you walking home?" I asked Shining "I'm coming with you, but Canterlot Station is my stop." "Fine by me, but I'm taking a nap on the way there. Im not a morning person." "You and me both." He said, as we settled in as the train began to roll down the tracks. I began to feel sleepy as the train gently rocked from side to side. I woke up with a start, liking you feel like you're falling, but your not. I looked around, still on the train with Shining passed out across the table from me, mouth wide open, some of his hair in his mouth that he would occasionally lick with his tongue. I couldn't resist and silently took a picture with my phone. I looked out the window, we were pulling into the station, perfect timing. The doors slid open and six ponies walked in, I motioned for them to be quiet and pointed at Shining. They all stifled their giggles, except for Fluttershy who smiled at the scene. "I wish I had my camera with me!" Twilight whispered "I would hold this over his head." "Already ahead of you." I said pulling out my phone and showing them the picture. They all laughed a little louder at the immortalized moment. "Wow! That picture is so clear! How is that possible?" Twilight asked, eyes widening out of curiosity "Well uhhhhh, I'm not really sure, but if helps when I get home I can print you a picture of this." I said, her ears folded a little from my lack of an answer, but perked up with giving her a copy of this. "You would? Really!" She half-yelled causing the sleeping stallion to wake. "Huh? Wha?" He looked around frantically before realizing where he was. "Glad to see your awake hun." Cadence said, poking her head in the car. Shining stood up and shook his head to remove any last bits of sleep and said his goodbyes. "Now what?" Dash asked "Beats me." I said "But I'm going to make sure the deuce is secured nice and tight." I decided I had to come up with a name for it eventually. "Boy howdy!" Applejack exclaimed "Ya sure do love that contraption of your's don't ya?" "You bet your hat. Yoink!" I said as I snagged her hat and ran off, laughing away. It was a little tight, but it sat well. "Come back here ya varmint!" She yelled and followed me out the car. A small crowd surrounded the truck, talking about it. I cleared my throat and they opened up a path for me and by default, Applejack. I tossed her hat to her and she took off. The crowd began to talk about me instead, fine by me I'll never see them again. I did a quick look over of the chains, giving them a quick tug to make sure they were tight. The crowd had shrunk by quite a lot, it some still lingered. "I still don't think THAT CREATURE should work on the railroads!" A stallion exclaimed to his friends, he was slightly overweight and had an all white coat and hair with a similar color of Rarity's, but had a lighter shade mixed in. The weirdest part of him was is outfit, it looked like he was wearing a jogging suit, but only the top. "I disagree with you old sport, he's certainly more nimble than either of us, besides those claws of his are quite a sight." Said his friend, he was all white with a well styled mane and French mustache. His clothing screamed class; the top part of a tux, a monocle and a top hat. "Perhaps, I still think it's weird they use bald monkeys for that kind of work. I'm afraid I have to leave you know Fancy Pants." His fat friend said, I ducked my head in the back to let out a snort at his name. "You too Mr. Stripes." Fancy said, I couldn't tell if his first name was Mr. or not. How would that even work? He walked over to a bench and took a seat, maybe he was waiting on someone from another train? I checked the time real quick, 8:28 plenty of time to say thanks to him or something like that. On second thought I really don't know how to start that conversation. 'Thanks for dealing with your asshole friend for me. By the way, I can talk!'. I kept tinkering with the truck, I really needed to name it. Amber will do, after the girl I had a crush on. "Are you ready darling?" Rarity called out "In a minute, but the train can start rolling if necessary!" I called out poking on the back of it. I stood a glance at Fancy Pants from the corner of my eye, he had a look of recognition and surprise. "Rarity?" "Fancy Pants?" They looked at each other with each other with surprise. "All aboard!" Someone called out "I'm sorry Fancy Pants, but I'm afraid we'll have to catch up at a later date." Rarity said "That's alright Miss Rarity." He said, bid her good day and walked off. Rarity and I began to walk back to the car. "Who was that?" I asked "An old friend, he's the pony to know in Canterlot!" She replied "I don't know him, but I know the Princesses. How far does that get me?" I asked her She giggled at my remark "I'm afraid you'll have to do better than that here darling." She said as we got on the train and left. Author's Note I'm going on vacation from the 21st to the July 1st, so no new updates for a while For some reason the part with the ... fell drowsy... appears normal while in edit mode but is messed up while reading it.
Prologue Prologue I wake up confused, startled and still tired. Monday morning. God damn, I can't wait to graduate high school, just three more months. I sit up, groan, pop my back and get out of bed and head to the bathroom. With one head flushing the toilet and the other reaching to open the shade I turn around and panic. Where is my neighbor's house? Where's the forest and the hill I live on? Why is there snow on the ground and that house was not there last night and by hill I mean a steep incline of a hill not some little thing that goes on for 5 yards or something.I go to my sister room and start knocking and yelling in a panic "HEATHER GET UP SOMETHING IS WRONG!" Nothing. I keep knocking and get nothing, I open the door and the bed is empty. I notice I haven't seen my dog and I get no response from calling his name. I go downstairs and see the birdcage (and with it the bird) are also gone along with her and my dog's food/treats. I head back up grab my Mosin Nagant and head to my parents room. I may be a red blooded American patriot who runs on freedom, but the Russians make some good shit. My parents were out for the weekend, so I knew they weren't there. My parents were NYPD cops so they have a good amount of guns, granted handguns, 9mils and .38 but guns. As such, I know about guns, mostly handguns, but better than nothing. With them having been cops I have some of their stuff in my room, mainly my dad's gun belt and gas mask. I grab a 9mil and a .38 I've used before and prepare to go outside, the thermometer say it's 26 out so I dress warm. A shirt, a long sleeve shirt, basketball shorts and jeans. I decide to take my Carhartt for the pockets and durability of it and a balaclava so someone could only see my eyes and keep my neck and chin warm. Just before I go, I look and my windows and see beyond some trees, a building; its white so it blends in with the snowy area. It the distinct red cross on the second story makes it pop out. Finally I grab my mosin, 15 rounds and the bayonet for it. The I realized something, I have running water and electricity, nice to know the power lines and water pipes are still in one piece, somehow. I go down stairs, open the door into the garage, grab a pair of gloves, put on my boots and go outside to wherever-the-hell-Iam-ville. I go outside and look around, I see three houses near mine. One across, one next and I see the corner of the house I can see from my bathroom. "HELLO! ANYONE OUT THERE!!" I wait a couple of minutes before I try again. "HEL-" I look at across from me and see a garage door opening. I slowly walk towards it, barely halfway down my snow-covered driveway. I see a man, around The same as me, so 17 or 18. "Hullo there," he calls out "where are we". Great a damn Brit, I now have the urge to throw tea into a large body of water. "No idea," I respond "But I saw the top of a hospital that way" as I point south. I meet him in the middle of the road and shake hands with him. "Brian" he says "Chris" I reply. " Any idea where we are?" He asks "Well, back home it was supposed to be in the 70s. Fahrenheit" I say as I add Fahrenheit quickly as his eyes showed panic. If 100C is boiling point in Fahrenheit then what was 70C, I think to my self. "Here comes someone else" Brian says dragging me out of my thoughts, walking over to us was the person from the house I can see from my bathroom. I noticed he dressed pretty appropriately like me, I glance at Brian and notice he is too. We walk over to meet him halfway. "Hey" "Hullo" "Hello" he says back. Brian and I introduce ourselves "I'm Noah" he says, "warmer here than back in Toronto." he mutters, I now have the urge to ride a moose while chugging maple syrup now. Ugh. We all turn around walk up the road, towards the hospital and civilization, hopefully. "Who lives OUVer there" Noah asks, with his stereotypical accent. "No idea, they haven't appeared yet," Brian replies "Should we head over there?" "Screw it why not. Let's check up on our neighbor." I said. America leading his old father and his step brother, as always. Ding Dooong Diing, we stood around waiting for a response. "Just a min" someone said from inside. Definitely a male, sounds like Brian maybe Australia or New Zealand? After about 30 seconds, someone was coming to the door, a man also around our age answered. "G'day mates, Ah reckon Ah ain't in Queensland". With my vast knowledge of Australia, I knew that was... Somewhere in Australia, sounds about right. I have an urge to ride a kangaroo to the Sydney Opera House, I wonder of the other have an urge to blow shit up while drinking beer or something epic like that when they found out I'm American. The Aussie's name was Nelson and was from Australia, so the 4 inches of snow was a shock and was packing some stuff to head out, he had a sick machete he's had for a few years. After a couple minutes of talking about what we all knew: none of us knew where we are and the hospital I saw was the best bet to find out where we are. We started to walk down the road to hope possibly , with only a 90 year old rifle, a 9mil a. 38 and a machete to protect the four of us. It was a bad week for Ponyville, all sorts of strange monsters and beasts having been coming out of the Everfree Forest. One day, it was a pack of manticores, another, a bugbear come out and rampage through the town, damaging several homes and yesterday an Ursa Minor came through causing more damage. The townsfolk have been edge all day, and it was only 9:36am, waiting for the next beast to attack. Only, no pony knew the answer to the problem had arrived. Author's Note First story! I hope to carry this out for a long time, also any feedback is appreciated! I thought a small chapter would do to start off while I cook up the rest. Also, I haven't set up a "time period" of when this all occurs i.e before season 3 or after season 5. I may start off at the end of season 6, while skipping some parts of what happened.
Contact"Anyone know how to shoot a gun?" I ask and immediately realize the answer. The UK has tough gun laws and Australia isn't far behind either. You may as well try and sell crack to the Queen first before trying to buy a gun. Canada was a little better, not as strict, but they have waiting periods have stricter background checks than the U.S. "I know, a little," Noah says "visited some family in Idaho and shot some pistols." So I was right. "You know what you shot? 9mil? .45?" I ask "9mil" Noah says back "Good. Here, it's ready to shoot, just chamber the round and flip the safety off and you're set." I said handing him the 9mil from my Carhartt and two mags. "Wot does any of that mean?" Brian asks "You'll find out soon Bria-" I start to say, but I'm interrupted by a now beautiful sight. Civilization. We all stare at the small village and the surrounding area. The east and west side are surrounded by forests, farther south, maybe 30 or 40 miles is a mountain range, Nelson points out something on a mountain side, it looks almost like a city. Nelson must have some damn good eyesight to make that out, granted it may be a city and not something small like a tree or a boulder. The town it self makes zero sense to us, most building are straight out of the Middle Ages, thatch roofs and framed with timber. From there it got weirder, an oak tree near the center with windows and a door. Nelson pointed out a building made out of "biscuits". I thought it looked like a gingerbread house, but to each their own. Noah pointed out a multistory gazebo in the center, we agreed they had town hall meetings there. We kept walking to he town when Noah pointed something out. "Where is everyone?" He's right we haven't seen anyone since we first saw the town, as we turned a bend that led down the main road into the town, we saw the inhabitants, and we're we confused. Miniature horses or ponies maybe, were walking around, talking, buying and selling in an open air market or shops and wearing winter gear. This is not Earth. "Shite get over here" Brian called out, ducking into some bushes and trees, naked due to the season, but better than standing around twiddling our thumbs in the ope . We looked around and noticed another shocker, some had wings and flew around, some had horns and appeared to levitate things from the market into bags on their sides, while some had neither and looked like horses back home. We also noticed a awful smell coming from something near us, we had no idea what it was but we hated it. I put on my gas mask because why not and the guys slowly shifted away while we kept watching the town. Meanwhile in Ponyville, ponies we're going about their day, winter would be ending soon and that meant getting ready for Winter Wrap-Up. Ponyville was on edge, waiting for the beasts to emerge from the Everfree and run for their lives, when a howl rose up from the Everfree. "You hear that mates?" Nelson whispered. Howls and guessing there may have been at least 10, the ponies began to panic and ran for some where to hide, except for six. A purple unicorn, a pink normal pony, a yellow pegasus, a blue pegasus, a tannish normal one and a white unicorn stood in the middle waiting. "They have be their version of the police or something" Noah said as we watched, I loaded my Mosin just in case I needed it, when the wolves came out. They looked like wolves at least, brownish in color and had neon green eyes, 12 of them came running out of the forest on the other side of town. "Fuck it I'm helping." I said, my voice muffled by my mask, I went prone and begun to shoot the wolves. BANG One down BANG Two down BANG, I clipped this one in the leg causing it to slow down with neon green blood coming out BANG Three down, I noticed they broke up into a pile of sticks after they died. BANG Four down, one hurt not bad. The ponies took out some more, leaving six alive. They seemed confused by the sound of my gun and the wolves just randomly dying. "I'm going in there." I called out as I stood up and charged, I was tempted to yell as I charged in, it decided not to, I thought the ponies would flip out by a giant charging them. I noticed two more, including Limps McGee were killed as I charged in. I ran at the nearest wolf and stabbed him with my bayonet and killed him, putting him down so hard, my bayonet got stuck in the frozen earth. On my way in only four were left and I just killed one, the purple one shot a beam at another, killing it. Two left, the tan one kicked another in the head and it dissolved into firewood. One left A howl came from behind me, I turned around and saw the last one charging me, 150 feet. I couldn't pull the bayonet out, so I took it off, leaving sticking out of the wolf. I grabbed the front to hold it like a club, not grabbing the hot metal barrel. 50 feet. I turned around to face it, 20 feet. I pulled my gun back and swing like a bat as he leaped at me. WHACK The bottom of the stock hit him right in the skull, right as a hoof attached to a blue leg hit the other side of his skull, shrinking the size of its skull by half. I stood there breathing heavily as I looked at the pile of sticks. With the blue pegasus flying in place as the others walked over to us. They all looked at me with two distinct emotions, fear of what I was and curiosity of what I was. I think. "Wowzees!Thanksforthehelpmistermonster! What are you? Where did you come from? Are there more of you? Do you like cupcakes? My favorite is Supery-Dupery Chco-" The pink one was slinced by a purple dome, but she failed to notice, I couldn't hear a word anymore. He mouth was still moving a mile a minute, when she finished she had a smile that was way too large for her face. "What are ya" asked the tan one. I froze, how do I explain do I start off and say "I'm from another planet possibly" or "I'm a human and have no idea where I am.". My mouth moved up and down trying form a sentence, but was covered by my mask still, so only my eyes could be seen. "Ya alright ther Mister?" She asked, at this point I realized she had a southern accent and she wore a cowboy hat. "Yeah... J-Just trying to piece together a sentence," I said back "I'm a human." I said as they looked at me with awe stricken eyes. I guess humans are myths are, kinda like unicorns and pegasi back home are or surprised we speak the same language. "How did you get here?" The purple one asks. Damn, I wish I knew too I thought. "No clue, woke up in my house by myself, couple other guys are here too." "You mean there's more of you!" she exclaims. What else could I have meant? "Yea, give me a moment,"I said, turning around to the brush and waving my hand in a "come here" motion. Nelson, Noah and Brian all came out and walked over. The ponies eyes grew in size at what they saw, three more humans came out. "Oh yeah." I said and they all turned to me, as I removed my gas mask and felt the cold air hitting my face, causing my facial hair to stand up. "Tah Dahhh" I said with my face uncovered. "You alrite mate?" Brian asked me "Never better man!" I shot back We all turned back to the ponies, unsure of what to do next. "Now what?" Asked the blue pegasus. We all looked at each other trying to think of what to, when we heard a thud behind us. We all turned around and saw a gold trimmed carriage sitting behind us with four pegasi wearin golden armorpulling it, when one unhitched themself and walked over to us. "Miss Sparkle, the Princess requires you and your friends in Cantarlot." Oh shit. We never thought about leaders we all looked at each other with that "we are so screwed look", only Brian seemed confused. I guess he was expecting the Queen to see us or something. "Well if your Princess want to see you all, we'll head back to our place, it's about a kilometer that way" Noah said to the ponies. I silently thought what do they use for measures stuff, do they use 'hooves' like we use feet? These are some weird questions I'm asking myself. "You're leaving already?" Asked the white unicorn, she had a slight British accent and an air of high class. "Your Princess asked for you six, not us" he replied. He's right, I guess when they go they'll explain us to her, as long as they don't break out the army and siege us out when she finds out about four aliens twice as tall as the average pony. "Strong Shield, is it possible for these four errrr humans join us?" Asked the purple one "Of course, only I don't know how she'll react so its in your hooves." He said back. Awesome, not even here for five hours and I'm meeting world leaders. I collected my bayonet from the pile of wood and walked back over to the group. We climbed into the carriage and prepared to ride off into the morning sun and boy we were wrong. Author's Note Chapter 1 is up and things are picking up, I think. Any feedback is appreciated, pla having some fun in the next couple of chapters and I have a good idea on how to introduce Princess Cadence (maniacal laugh) Update: This sucker got approved!
It's only a modelAuthor's Note Heavy dialogue based chapter mainly because this is the " asking the freaky human thing" questions about home part of the story. Sorry for taking so long, school stuff and having never written a fanfic before. No Ragrets! It's only a model We climbed in the carriage and prepared to roll out, and man we were so wrong. Here's a tip if you ever travel abroad, never trust carriages. We all panicked as the carriage tilted upward and took off, we tried to keep the language down to a PG-13 rating and failed and I'm pretty sure Noah cursed in French. Meh, to each their own. After a minute of pure terror and fear, we all calmed down and my heart slowly crawled out of my throat and back home between my lungs. Nelson pointed out an important fact, we didn't know any of their names. I just called them by how they looked. The purple unicorn went first. "I'm Twilight Sparkle" said the purple unicorn "Ah'm Applejack" said the redneck pony. "I'm Pinkie Pie" said the pink one, as she threw confetti she got from... Somewhere? They're not wearing clothes so there's no pockets to hide the confetti. Fucking commie space magic or something. I was also surprised she didn't say a paragraph in a second and in one breath like when I met here. "I'm Rainbow Dash, fastest flyer in Equestria and future Wonderbolt"Said the rainbow haired pegasus, makes sense, I guess I mean Pinkie is pink after all. , I guess the country is called Equestria and the Wonderbolts is a college mascot or something like that. "I'm Fluutershy" said the yellow pegasus, half-hiding behind her long hair, judging by some of the other names, I guess she's nervous or something, I don't know I'm only a human stuck in a pony filled world with three other guys. "Hello darlings, my name is Rarity" said the British one. Wow a half decent name, only it doesn't match up with her appearance or personality. "I'm Brian" "I'm Noah" "I'm Chris" "I'm Nelson, and if you don't mind me asking, where are we headed to exactly?" "We're heading to the city of Canterlot, capital of Equestria. The Princess wanted to see us about something." Said Twilight "Canterlot?" I ask, thinking about the Monty Python skit. "Canterlot" "It's only a model" adds in Brian, the four of us start laughing at the joke while the ponies look at us confused, except Pinkie as she soon joins in on the laughter as we calm down. "I'm confused what's so funny" asks Pinkie "It's a human thing, does the Princess know we're joining you? Nelson asked, trying to calm down. The color drains for their face, which is hard to see considering their fur color 'Does she know you're bringing four beings from another planet?' I think to myself. Oh yeah, nothing like impressing your leader like bringing several armed and possibly dangerous aliens as you go to meet her. I guess we'll be in the dungeon as the guillotine and/or gallows are being set up, I now regret getting in here, we haven't been flying long, and the ground isn't too far away and the snow would lessen the blow.... " Equestria to Chris come in Chris" said Rainbow Dash "Huh? What?" "I said, 'what's up with the stick'". WHAT, I was pissed this ain't no stick, but I kept my tongue in check, I may have thought about jumping out, but not getting thrown out. How do I explain a gun to them, can't be too hard, right? "This isn't a stick, this is a Mosin Nagant" "A what?" Asked Twilight Sparkle, right have to go more in depth. "It's a type of gun, this particular type of gun is a rifle, so it's good for long range combat. Mosin Nagants are an old type of gun, this one was built in 1927, which would make this gun almost 90 years old." A little shock on everyone's face, I guess they weren't excepting it, it's not that old I could have a musket. "How does it work?" She asks, she must be the geek or the curious one of the group although they go hand in hand often. I reach into my Carhartt and pull out some bullets. "I put five bullets," holding them out "in here," pulling the bolt back and showing them the inside. "And then what?" Shit, how do I explain 'to kill' without using the k word "I use it to... Protect myself and others". Yea that'll work and I'm not lying either, it a win-win. "So it's a weapon?" Asks Rainbow Dash. Can't avoid this one "Yes". They all look nervous, maybe because they're in here with me or because I'm about to Lee Harvey Oswald the Royal Family here. "It only works with the bullets, but I can deactivate it, if that would help." I tell them, they immediately calm down a little. I pull the bolt back out and pull the trigger so that it slides out and lands on my lap, I tuck the bolt in my jacket along with the bullets. 30 minutes later Nelson was right, there is a city on the mountain side. We landed in the castle's courtyard, we waited for the carriage plane to come to all halt. We learned quite a lot about the country it has two sister that co-rule: Princess Celestia and Princess Luna. Celestia moves the sun via commie space magic and Luna moves the moon via commie space magic or something like that. There's three types of ponies, earth ponies who work as farmers and craftsman, pegasi, who can move clouds because they can CONTROL the fucking weather here and unicorns which can use magic to do stuff. "Everyone remember the plan?" Twilight asked. I was really tempted to say 'No, can we go over it for the thirteenth time?' but I kept my tongue in check. I was also right about here being the smarty pants of the group or an 'egghead' as Dash calls her. The plan was simple, Twilight and her friends would go first explain what happened back in town (still don't know the name of it) and how we showed up, helped and ended up coming here. Part of me wondered how long I would be here and another wondered if I left the milk out. They exited and through part of the curtain, I saw a pair of doors open outward and out come the Princess. The six of them bowed to her, so it obvious who she is. She was taller than the rest, which made sense, she had a white coat and a mane that was sea green, light green, pink and light purple and moved like there was a breeze. She had a horn and a pair of wings, is she a uni-sus or pega-corn? Pegacorn sounds better. She had a calm look she Twilight explained that changed to confusion and awe, I guess she knows about the four ape-things a mere thirty feet away. "Ya'll can come out now" Applejack said as she poked her head in. Nelson promptly made a cross figure as we stood up and walked out. Brian was first followed by Noah, Nelson and me. Brian kneeled in front of the princess Noah and Nelson followed his lead. Fuck that, I look at them and back to the Princess. We share a look of confusion and surprise at them. Meh, I figured Brian would kneel 'cause England. Canada and Australia still act like the Queen rules them, I think and America hates royalty. Brian clears his throat at glaring at he, his eyes go from me, to the ground, and back to me. I give him a subtle 'no' head shake. "Rise, you are not my subjects" she said to them. America wins again, release the bald eagles! "I had a feeling you wouldn't bow Chris" Brian said with a shit-eating smile. Fucker pulls the 'fought against the king card' jokes on him anyway, Britain was the largest empire at the time and lost to a bunch of poorly trained citizens. I sigh and say to no one in particular, "Your ancestors fight a tyrannical king and they never let you forget." "Why did you rebel?" The Princess asks, while looking at me. "We were being unfairly taxed and self-ruled ourselves for almost a century". She has a look of understanding, maybe she won't have me pay taxes if I'm stuck here. That would be nice, never had to pay taxes before. "Please follow me" she said to the town of us, turning around and entering the castle.
Job VotingAs we walked, except Pinkie because she bounced (for whatever reason) down the hall to the ~~execution hall~~ some room we were heading to, Princess Celestia talked to the ponies about stuff, I wasn't paying attention. I was slowly boiling alive in my jacket it so I took off and rolled up the sleeves on my long sleeved shirt. "Oh Twilight, you'll be happy to know Cadance and Shining Armor will be coming down from the Crystal Empire soon" Celestia said. Must have been some important news to Twilight because she made a noise a squeaky toy would and bounced around. We all looked at her in confusion at her reaction are they her siblings or maybe some old friends? We arrived at the room of something with two pure white unicorn guards outside, twins maybe? Whatever, they opened the door with their magic (still weird) and into a large dining room. Lunch time already? Then again I haven't seen a clock since home. Meh, I am kinda hungry. Oh god they'll figure out we eat meat! We are so fucked, actually who knows maybe there are other beings on the planet that eat meat. We walked in and sat down, with me behind pony lines, with Rarity next to me, Princess Celestia at the head and Pinkie across from me. While everyone else was pretty scattered out, a waiter came out, passed out menus and didn't even seemed phased at the four weird creatures at the table. I looked over at the menu, typical food for them, sandwiches with flowers, salads etc.. I flip it over and see the bottom is red with the most beautiful sight I have seen in this place 'MEAT'. , chicken, steak and 'meat sandwiches' which the description made me think of burgers, my mouthed watered for them. The rest of the back was drinks, pastas and desserts. I decided on a pasta dish because I can have meat later and didn't want to offend the ponies. "You ask." "I ain't asking, you ask" and Noah and Nelson are arguing, probably about the meat section. We all listened to them bicker, so I took lead. "So Princess just curious, and forgive me if I say anything offensive, but do ponies eat meat? I'm just caught a little off guard by the meat section on the menu." I asked, while shaking my head further down the table. Noah and Nelson looked at me with panic like I signed their death wish. "Most ponies don't, although some pegasi do for extra protein for their wings. Their are many other species that live on Terra: zebras, minotaurs, griffons and dragons make up the rest of the sentient being on the planet. Griffons, minotaurs and dragons eat meat. What about humans?" She explained "Humans are omnivores." I responded, I just assumed they knew what an omnivore is. They seemed to react normally, thankfully, come to think about it, I have only seen ponies, but I've only been here for about 5 hours or so. The waiter came back and took our orders. I decided to get a pasta dish because why not? The ponies of the group got basically what they would eat, same with the guys. I was the outlier. We talked about various things on our planets, including tech, they were in awe by cell phones and what they could do, which made sense since all they had were rotary phones. We had some issues describing things like the Internet or planes it's almost like a describing a color or how water tastes. We told them about where we were from country wise. Thankfully, they never asked us about our human history, or we would be screwed since, you know, wars and stuff. Princess Celestia asked us if we had any questions and Noah had a good one which was how long we would be at the castle. The good news was that it would be just for the day, however being a sentient being and all that good stuff, humanity would need an ambassador. The issue? We're all 17-18 years old, the most leadership skills we had was a group project in school, not representing a nation, if even the nation had a population of 4 and no borders. We agreed that night we would vote at someone's house. Later that day We all went our separate ways, with the ponies heading back to Ponyville (the town, great name. I wonder if there's a Humantown somewhere out there) to do no doubt handle damage control of the 4 aliens that showed up in the morning. Applejack actually lives in the same direction as does Rainbow Dash just a few minutes farther back. Twilight told us to come by her house, which was a tree and the library, after we votes and she would tell the Princess. We all walked back home, with Dash flying to her cloud mansion nearby and Applejack kept on walking. The guys and I would meet up at Noah's place in an hour and vote. I went home, reassembled my Mosin, took off my gun belt and put on my class hoodie instead. I decided to quickly check the rest of the exterior of my house, most of the trees and bushes were still around, I guess the flowers were still there, just under the snow, I guess. The crawlspace was still there, so most of my dad's tools and the tractor where still there. "Gotta get my gun back from Noah" I muttered when I realized I had two guns. I'll get it when I see him again, I went to my phone and tried using the Internet, sure enough it worked. I look at things from my history (nothing perverted because private mode), I realized I could call home, or at least try and contact someone from home, let them know I'm alive. My calls went straight to voicemail, so I left one to feel better, my texts wouldn't send and anything on social media wouldn't go through. I tried other things in my house, my Xbox wouldn't connect to Live so my last possible way of telling someone I was alive failed. I tried the TV out of current I got channels still, but there was nothing of interest, so I got up, checked my phone and went over to Noah's. "It's odd, I can't call or text anyone, but my Telly still works" Brian told us, we all said the same thing, our internet works and our TVs work but we can't call home. We all sat in Noah's living room, he has a nice house, good size, clean etc.. We sat down in his living room and voted we agreed on no self-nominations we wrote down the name of who we wanted on paper, and put them in a hat. We talked about what we thought about the ponies and the Princess, we all agreed if asked about humanity, we would avoid the negative parts. We realized we would need jobs here too, whoever wins this would have one. After an hour or so, we voted. Brian pulled them out and read them. "Noah, Brian, Chris and," we all held our breath for the tiebreaking vote. "Chris". Shit, so did not want to, but it's a democracy so there's really no arguing. I supposedly did have 'leadership skills' according to my school, but they also said the same for the stoner who sleeps in all of his classes, so I don't know how truthful they are. We walked to town and Twilight's home, Nelson knocked and Twilight answered the door. Thankfully, it was late and no ponies were out. "Hey guys, come on in.," she said waving a hoof "Spike, come down here meet the humans I was telling you about." She called out to someone, a boyfriend? A roommate? A lizard it turned out, or I should say a dragon. He was pretty excited to meet us, considering we were guys, walked on two legs, was different from everyone else and have opposable thumbs. He secretly told us he wanted to do 'manly things' such as camping and things like that. He sent a letter to Celestia saying I was the representative of humanity on Terra. "Hey Twilight, how did everyone react to you all telling them about us?" Noah asked, while we waited for a reply, good question. "They didn't seem to afraid, you guys did help with the timberwolves this morning too, so that was a boost. I'll talk to the Mayor about setting up a meeting tomorrow." She said, Spike burped up a letter. Dear Chris, Congratulations on your new job, I'll send any letters through Spike to you. I have sent the ambassadors of the other nations a letter about you and your friends, we (including you) shall meet in Canterlot in five days. You will earn 200 bits a month for your job. Feel free to reply if you have any questions Sincerely Princess Celestia and Princess Luna "Hey Twilight, how much does an average pony make?" I ask her, out of curiosity. "Anywhere from 150-250 bits a month, why?" She said "I'm getting 200 a month that's why" both her and Spike's mouths dropped open. I broke them, the guys looked jealous I would be living in the upper middle class, but I'm dealing with international politics and fun stuff like that. "Hey Twilight, you got any books about geography or anything like that?" I asked her unmoving form. It only took us 10 mins to get a response for either her or Spike. She told me to return or renew it in two weeks. I figured it wouldn't hurt to learn more about those I would work with. We went back to our homes and called it a night. I decided to grab a beer from outside, I'm technically underage, but this isn't the U.S. Probably would hurt to look into their laws either, alcohol may be illegal here or something. Day one on a strange planet went well, got myself my first ever job, granted one I am woefully unprepared for, but a job nevertheless. Noah still has my gun.
Day TwoAuthor's Note I'm so good at naming chapters as this one proves Sorry for the lack of updates, school is a pain and I am still learning how to write dialogue. Day Two I woke up at 7:20 as usual, I hate that about me, I wake up early because I'm used to getting up early for school. Even if I'm up til 2am on a Saturday the latest I'll be up by is 8:30. So I spent the next 30 minutes watching Bob Ross paint on YouTube, what? Don't judge, Bob Ross is awesome. I finally got up, brushed my teeth, took a shower. I went downstairs and had a bowl of cereal, while watching Animal House, which is an awesome movie. My doorbell rang in the middle of the toga party, I just assumed it was one of the guys, so I called out while I got up and walked to answer the door, instead one of my other neighbors was there. This one had four hooves, blue fur and a pair of wings. "Heya Dash, what's up? "Nothing much, same old, what about you?" "Voted to be ambassador last night, so still freaking out on the inside, come in, it's freezing out here." I said waving her in, she flew in. We walked/flew through the living room, I decided on the long way to the kitchen since I wanted to look at the backyard. Dash was eye level with a bunch of family photos, she glanced at them on the way by. I waited for her to ask a question about them, but none came, so that caught me off guard. "Woah, what is that?" She asked, pointing a hoof at the TV, in awe. "That's a television, but it's called TV more often. It's used for entertainment, think like a projector, but not needing a projector." I explained, they explained they had projectors, Nelson said we had them too, but none of us mentioned TV. We talked about stuff, while she watched Animal House and I explained everything that happened so far. I cleaned up the kitchen after breakfast and sat down in my dad's chair to watch the movie. I told her I was heading up to change, but she could hang out down here still. I came back down to hear more voices, three very distinct and one normal voice. The guys and Applejack were here too, must not have heard them knock, or enter. "What's up guys and Applejack?" I asked. "Well sugarcube, Rainbow and Ah are here to take ya'll to town and introduce us to everypony" she said, looking at the distracted pegasus. "Alright let me get ready to head then, we'll cut through the garage." We already told them about cars, planes and trains. We decided to save space flight when we meet Princess Luna, surprise the ruler of the night, moon and the stars with the fact we've been there. Princess Celestia agreed, she had a fun side she said, as well as enjoyed planking her sister. We went through the garage when an idea came to Brian. "Why don't we drive to town?". Good idea, but I'm sure the ponies would flip out. "Good idea and we could park just outside of town to afraid scaring anyone" Nelson said, that works too. The only issue is I have a Ford Edge, a corvette, and a pickup truck . There's six of us and the Edge holds five and the truck is filled with junk. "We'll have to take two cars in that case." I said, grabbing the keys and my wallet. What? Force of habit, besides I'm not getting pulled over my a cop pony for speeding. We went out to the garage and headed for to Ponyville. I was in my Edge with Noah and Dash, while Brian, Nelson and Applejack were in some British SUV. I told Brian I would do 30mph, which is about 48kph according to my conversion app. We arrived outside of town in after about five or so minutes, better than a fifteen minute walk in the freezing cold. I put on my turn signal and pulled over. I put it in park, turned it off and hopped out to meet the others outside. We walked to the center of town towards the multistory gazebo which is the town hall. There was a podium set up just outside a pair of doors. We met up with the rest of the ponies on the side and discussed the plan. "Ok, so the Mayor will start off by talking, the. She'll introduce me, I'll talk about you and then you all come out and answer any questions." Twilight explained, she was on top of her shit, from what a certain pony told me Twilight is known for her checklists, even a checklist to make a checklist, safe to say she was organized af. The meeting went well, better than expected, the only issues were the green unicorn who went off screaming humans were real and she was right or something like that. The other issues was explaining why humans wore clothes all the time (warmth and cover reproductive organs), but it was more embarrassment than anything else. Turns out the unicorn is a firm believer in humans, which are basic their version of Bigfoot, and us showing up proved her right she even wanted to study one of us. We were immediately concerned considering all the horror movies with weird people, but replace them with a unicorn. The ten of us returned to Twilight's treehouse (I don't know what else to call it) and talked about random stuff, hobbies, interests etc. They asked us what us what our cutie marks are, which apparently tell a pony what they'll do as a job. They magically appear on the pony's ~~thigh~~ flank, and come around when a pony is about twelve or thirteen, so it almost is the start of puberty. Noah explained humans don't get cutie marks, but choose on a career based on what they like to do. "Hey Twilight, can I bum a piece of paper and a pen?" I asked, I had to ask Princess Celestia some questions on the international community here. "Sure, what for?" She asked "Work related stuff, anything I should know about what's going on. Stuff like that" I explained as she floated a piece of paper and a quill. A quill? Throwback to the 1700s around here, but they have electricity so that's all that matters to me. Dear Princess Celestia, I was wondering if there is anything I should know about in the international community, mainly any tensions between two countries. Also is there any sort of dress code for the meeting? I know ponies go around 'naked' except for special events, but I thought it wouldn't hurt to ask. From Chris P.S should I sign these letters with Ambassador Murray or would that be for official letters? "Here Spike" I said while throwing the letter at him, turn out he can send letters to the Princess by burning them and she'll get them no matter where either of them are. I'll never get over this magic shit. Her response was confusing to say the least, confusing as shit. The most I could under stand was tension between the Minotaurs and Zebras over some island chain. Reminds me of the Chinese vs. Japanese vs. six other countries in Asia. "So what are the names of some the major cities here" Noah asked, for whatever reason. "Well, there's Manehatten, Fillydelphia, Trottingham, Coltimore, Stalliongrad, Cloudsdale, Hoofington, Las Pegasus and Mountreal." Twilight rattled off. All but one are rip offs from home, the guys and I exchanged 'this is some bullshit' glances at each other. "What we're some of yours, if you don't mind me asking." Fluttershy asked, God, she would always do that. She's so kind, but everything she asks you do do is followed with a 'if you don't mind' something like that. She literally took after her name. "They... They are almost the as ours, Manhattan is a borough of New York City, which I grew up close to, Philadelphia, Nottingham, Baltimore, Stalingrad, Huntington, Las Vegas and Montreal. And there are only what we have in common. There's still Paris, Moscow, Los Angeles, Tokyo, Bejing, Hong Kong, Seoul, London... There's still plenty more, I could be here for at least five minutes rattling off names." "By Celestia, how many humans live on Earth?" Twilight asks "We hit 7 billion within the last two years so maybe 7.2 billion or so." All of their jaws became unhinged at the answer. "There's not even 50 million ponies in Equestria!" Rarity exclaims, I excepted Twilight to say that and then say whatever the population of the planet is. A couple of hours later, we all went home, with all of us having to do things, but we were going to meet up later and go out for dinner. I went home, read some more on the other countries of the world. There's Equestria, the Griffon Empire, the Badlands (home of the dragons), Zebrica (another ripoff ) and the Minotaur Tribes, which from what I read reminds me of the Native Americans for some odd reason. I rewarded myself with a beer, I have to ask about the drinking age here, but my house my rules and playing some Madden 16.
LitI sat around, with no clue what to do. I remembered that there's snow on the ground and I would have to clear that off my driveway. I have an old snowblower from New York we kept, thankfully since we've had some bad winters down south. I re-bundled up, grab my headphones and went out, I grabbed some snow to check if it was powdery and light or wet and heavy, thankfully it was light, so I cheated. I found out two years ago that with powdery snow, a leaf blower works just as well, the snowblower is a big mean orange motherfucker and is a pain to use. The leafblower would kill my back, but that's if I use it for a long time. I fired that sucker up and went to work. I was listening to some classic rock so it wasn't really my fault and couldn't hear Rainbow yelling at me what's was doing and what the machine on my back was, or Brian asking, and I quote, 'the fook are ya using a fooking leafblower to clear the snow?'. I cleared my driveway, and the walkway in 20 minutes and just in time too. Being the dead of winter is was getting dark out by 5:10. I showered, shaved my pedostache and inbound neck beard (the puberty gods have cursed me) put on a neon green shirt, a pair of jeans and my class ring. The party started at 8, so I had an early dinner, I wasn't a excellent cook, but I could manage myself. I was feeling real lazy so I made a loco moco: a Hawaiian comfort food made with white rice, a burger patty, a fried egg and brown gravy. It's quick, cheap and filling, all that matters. An hour later, Applejack and Dash got us all, and we walked to town, enjoying the night, granted party cloudy . I'm still trying to understand how a pony can move it, but in a world half-filled with creatures from myths, I'm not in a position to question it. We walked on in to town. "Ah shoot, ah forgot somethin back at ta farm I'll catch y'all in a bit" Applejack said suddenly, odd she would walk half an hour for something, but it may be important "I'm going to clean the sky, I'll be back in ten seconds flat" called out Dash she she flew away, none of this makes sense. Meh, we walked to Sugarcube Corner, the local bakery and opened the door. "SURPRISE" screamed 20- something ponies, needless to say we were surprised "Were you surprise? Huh? Huh?" asked Pinkie. She's the party animal/planner/bat-shit crazy pony of the town. We mingled with the townfolk (town ponies?), Applejack came back with a cart loaded with hard cider kegs. "Darling, where did you get that ring from?" Rarity asked me, it's a good sized ring so it wasn't easy to hide, and I usually wear it whenever I'm out. "It's my class ring," everyone looked at me confused, I kept explaining "it's a tradition for high school seniors to get one, mine has the name of my school, mascot name, my name and graduation year. The gem is my birthstone, Peridot." An hour later " ALRIGHT EVERYPONY, DANCEOFF TIME!! " screamed out Vinyl Scratch or DJ-PON3 into the microphone (I don't understand how they have turntables here either). "Let's see what which one of you ponies can take ME down!" Pinkie called out, I smirked, 'I'm not a pony' I thought to myself, at this moment I may or may not have had a couple of glasses of cider. As a white male, I could not dance to save my life. The cider told me I was the fucking master at dancing, I believed it. "I ain't no pony! Challenge accepted!" I slurred to her, I stood up and successfully walked I a straight line to the dance floor. She pulled a bit out of nowhere (I learned/ was told not to question Pinkie and her antics, by a unicorn). "Heads or tails?" "Tails" I called, Pinkie flipped it and the moon landed, looking at the ceiling, I start. "HIT IT!!" Pinkie exclaimed and that's all I remembered. I woke up, cold, dazed and confused and in pain. I glanced around, I was sleeping in a tree and missing my left sock. The best parties end up with you waking up in a weird place, and this was a good party. My head was throbbing, I looked around, trying to get my bearing, I was somewhere in Ponyville, so that helps. "There you are dude! We've been looking all over for you." I looked around for the source of the voice, it was Dash, that I knew. "Up here". Right, flying ponies exist here. "Did you put me here? What happened last night? The last thing I remember was a dance off with Pinkie." "Sweet Celestia, that all you remember?" She asked "Yea, I still more concerned that I'm 25 feet off the ground, I'm climbing down", I'm part primate so I should be able to handle this. I successfully ended up on solid ground, even in my first hungover state. Dash and I walked around town, trying to piece together the night. Dash was nervous about something, she wouldn't tell me what, but I had an odd feeling I may have been involved. Oh shit, please tell me I didn't make out with a pony; or worse! We found Twilight and asked her what happened last night. "I think I could best explain by showing you" Twilight said, powering up her horn. "Ah still don't understand how ya beat her Chris" Applejack said, I sat there talking to the crowd around me. Turns out the alcohol was right, I was an awesome dancer. I started off and blew Pinkie off the floor. I actually impersonated the break dancers I remember seeing whenever I would go to Manhattan, which makes no sense because I haven't seen any in at least 7 years. I started off with the windmill and launched into a bunch of other tricks I don't know, and finished with a headspin and pointed at Pinkie. He back hooves slowly slid out from under her until she sat on her ass. "Does anypony know where did Dashie went?" Pinkie asked after a bit, we all looked around, Nelson, using his impressive six foot seven inch frame to look around the party area. We somehow lost a rainbow maned flying (and drunk) pony. Dream me went outside to look for her, a couple minutes later a BANG came from outside the back door. The guys looked at each other and ran outside, followed by the other five ponies. In the distance, was blue pegasus was flying away, I was passed out face first in the snow. Soft sobbing was heard from the back of the alley. Rainbow Dash was curled up in a ball covering herself with her wings. The group gathered around her to try and figure out what happened. "Dash, dear, what happened? Who was that other pegasus?" Rarity asked "He's an ex-coltfriend, Flash, he tried to rape me, but Chris stopped him." The group gasped "What happened to him?" Twilight asked "I came out here for some air, and he attacked me. He kept saying he was going to give it to me, and then Chris came out. He told him to drop me and he didn't, so he pulled something out and said he ' I'll only fire a warning shot'. He pulled something and the thing made a loud noise and a flash of light and the snow kicked up. He said 'the next one will go in your fucking skull' so Flash dropped me and flew away. After that Chris passed out." Dash explained, trying to calm down. The group turned to look at me, only I was gone. That was some heavy shit. I saved Dash from being raped. How could I not remember that? "I-I just wanna say thank you" Dash chokes out and puts her front hooves around me. "Don't mention, I always watch out for my friends." I said. She pulled her head back and looked at me "Yo-You think we're friends?" "Not just with you, but all of you. You were the first ponies I met," I said smiling. "Other than me, did everyone else make it back home alright? Oh and my left sock is missing" I said and rolled up my pants to show them my bare foot. "I think Lyra took it to examine it or something" Twilight said, I'm pretty sure that the one who believed humans were real. Why she would want a lone sock I may never know, but if I lose any socks in the dryer, I'm blaming her. "Alright well I'm heading home, I'll get my sock later or something. I went home, climbed in bed and got to work fixing my hangover with sleep.
Ambassador No clue Ambassador No clue The next day went by with no major events. It was day four in Equestria, so it was time to head out to Canterlot, I packed for a week (I failed to ask how long, but better safe than sorry). We decided to leave a day early to check out the city. The train leaves at 11:30 am and it's a three hour trip, not not too bad... I hope. I really don't know what to wear because a lack of prior experience, but a suit would do. I went downstairs, put on the TV and almost collapsed at what I saw. Terror Attack in Brussels . "FUCK!" I slammed my hand on the counter, I really didn't need this right now. Heading out to somewhere with no internet and this bombshell come out of nowhere. I remember when the attacks in Paris occurred, I just sat there watching the news for hours watching updates come in. I was only three when 9/11 occurred, but my parents responded, how they didn't get sick from all the dust and debris, I will never know. Someone was knocking at the door and brought me out of haze, I really hope it one of the guys or all of them, someone to talk to about this. I got six ponies instead. "Hey girls, why.. Why don't you come in?" I could barely speak and I had the same quietness as Fluttershy. "Are ya all right, sugahcube?" Applejack asked. I guess this it's time to drop the bombshell about humanity, the plan was to put off for as long as possible. Mainly because humans are violent and all that good stuff. "Yea, just some stuff back home," they all looked saddened, maybe because I'm NOT home. We walked to the keeping room, I sat down in a chair and zoned out. I was watching the TV and listening to the reporter "You guys ready to head out?" I really want to stay, but I want to stay to find out what happened. They knew something bad happened but they didn't ask what happened. Fine by me. One hour later The tension was still thick in the train, thankfully the Princess got us the first class car for us, so we by ourselves for the trip. Pinkie, Rarity and Fluttershy were talking (Fluttershy was mostly listening), Applejack and Dash were doing some sort of competition, Twilight was reading and I was rocking out to some Swedish power metal. I figured I should quit being a little bitch and get over it, I distracted myself by reading a book on my phone. It's a historical fiction about Japan not surrendering and the U.S. invading mainland Japan. I decided to take a quick snooze I was in an airport, I walking to the gate for my plane, as I was walking by another gate when an explosion went off and slammed me into a wall and I blacked out. When I came to, the terminal was filling with smoke there was broken glass, bodies and broken panels on the floor. I tried to stand, but couldn't stand up. I looked at my body, my shirt and pants were ripped and scorched and my left leg was gone. I stood up and hobbled up, calling out help. Through the smoke, I saw a figure through the smoke, only it was a dark blue unicorn and I awoke. We arrived after another hour after my early-afternoon-mare, as opposed to an average nightmare. We pulled into the station at platform 9. I was tempted to run between platform 8 and 9, but I'll do that later. There was a carriage and some guards to escort us to the castle, which was nice because between the seven of us, we had a mountain of suitcases, we all had one except Rarity who had the whole mountain. I got my first good look at the castle from the outside, it was impressive. Massive stone walls, big towers and guards in solid gold armor (the literal fuck at that last one). The guards on gate duty opend the gate and let us into the courtyard, we came to a halt in what I could only describe as the main door. Only this door is twenty feet high and has rare gems in the door (gems are extremely common in Equestria, so the wow factor is diminished). We exited the normal carriage and I heard. "Twily" "BBBFF!" Twilight replied. "Applejack, what is BBBFF" "Big Brother Best Friend Forever" "Aaaand who is her BBBBFF" I already forgot how many Bs and Fs there were. "Why that's Shining Armor, former captain of the Royal Guard and co-ruler of the Crystal Empire with his wife, Prncess Cadance." Rarity explained. She never told us that. The major thing about her I knew was she is Celestia's personal student. Princess Celestia was inside waiting for us, along with another alicorn, this one was a dark blue, her hair also was magically flowing and had little white specs in it. She seemed familiar from somewhere, but I'm not sure where from. Next to her was a white unicorn stallion who was hugging Twilight. He was taller than an average stallion and if he was a human, he would be ripped. Guess that's Shining Armor. We introduced ourselves "Cadence said she would be he-" he said, as I was violently tackled by a pink furball and I was quickly picked up. "*Squeeee* He's even cuter than you said Auntie!" I was stuck rolling on the tiled floor waiting for the sweet embrace of death to save me. My cause of death: crushed by hug, not as good as death by snu snu. "Cadence! Drop him this instant" Celestia scolded her "Jokes.. On her... Princess I'm a... Hugger too!" I tried to say as my lungs were being crushed, I stood up with her holding on, somehow gripping me harder. We stood there in a hugging war, before she was pulled off by magic. We finally got formally introduced, her real name is Mi Amore Cadenza, sounds Italian to me. We walked in the castle, (I was on pink pony princess carrying duty) a maid took my stuff to my room, she was wearing one of these French maid outfits which makes no sense. We spent several hours talking, had dinner than we all went to do our separate things. I went back to my room to unpack and get ready for tomorrow. Author's Note I've decided to include current events, I hoped to include Brussels sooner, but I've been busy. Sorry for such a short chapter, I've hit writers block for this one. I'm going to put this on hiatus and start on a new story to improve my skills.
MeetingI woke up to the sound of knocking. "Come in" I called out in a 'you just woke me up' voice. A maid walked in, wearing a French maid outfit (these ponies can't make their minds up, I've never seen a pony wear an outfit to work until now) "Sorry to bother you sir, but Princess Celestia wanted me to make sure you're up and Priness Cadence would like to see you ASAP" she explained. Oh dear god, the second stalker in my life wants to see me, and worse she's a pony and the worst part is she's married! "Tell Princess Celestia I'm up and Princess Cadence I'll be there in 10" Shouldn't take me that long to get ready. The maid left and I rolled out of bed, and got ready. I walked out in my pajamas and a pair of slippers and towards Princess Cadence's room down the hall. I knocked on the door. "Who is it?" Cadence asked "The man you requested," I replied "for some reason" I muttered under my breath, the door opened magically, I quickly did the cross gesture and walked in. Princess Cadence was still in bed, with the blankets wrapped around her. "You needed my help or something Princess?" I asked her, confused on why I'm needed. "Yes, I need you to carry me to the dining hall, also just call be Cadence." She ordered, I faceplamed and groaned "You have wings, can't you fly? Or teleport there." I pointed out, she brushed off the suggestion with a wave of the hoof "I'm used to those ways, I want to try a more... Exotic way." She said, I was confused, tired and for some reason afraid for my balls (not in that order). "Riiiiiiight... I'll see you in the dining hall then." I said, and turned around to leave. The door suddenly locked itself, I turned around and walked to the balcony doors, only for them to be magically pried shut as well. "Your Princess orders you to carry her to the dining room." She said in a stern voice, I laughed in response. "JOKES ON YOU PRINCESS MY COUNTRY HAS NO ROYALTY! NOT TO MENTION, THIS ISNT YOUR COUNTRY!" I yelled and ran for the main door, my outburst caught her off guard as she fell out of bed as was engulfed in her blankets, the doors unlocked. I flung the door opened and ran. I felt something grab my foot, I looked down and saw a pinkish aura grabbing it. I looked up in fear, Pinkie Dash and Applejack were looking at me in confusion. "Help meEEEE" I said as my foot as suddenly flung back and dragged the rest of me with it, I struggled to get a grip on the carpet, and finally the door frame, my eyes felt like they were the size of Texas. I heard Applejack say, just as I lost my grip "It's too early for this I'll see y'all in the dinin room" I limped along, my right knee no doubt forming a bruise on it after the incident. I was dragged into Princess Cadence's room, where she latched onto my back like a bullrider. I was now carrying the lightly snoring princess to the dining room, with her mumbling directions. I was missing my right slipper, somewhere during the struggle for my life. She had her forehooves around my neck, and I had my hands behind her kneecaps (what did you except me to grab her ass?). I felt several, small hard things on my shoulder, I glanced over and saw she was nibbling on it, I sighed. We finally arrived at the dinging room, "Hey Cadence, mind opening the doors for me." The door magically swung open and I walked in the nine ponies looked at me, then at the snoozing pink princess, nibbling on my shoulder, then back to me. I looked Princess Celestia in the eye and said "Now I am become Death; destroyer of worlds." I kept walking and dropped Cadence off next to her husband, who nuzzled her. I noticed a buffet of food, no meat, but lots of cake, I loaded up on pancakes and hash browns and walked over to an empty chair between Dash and Princess Luna "What have I missed so far? Also, why is there cake for breakfast?" I asked nonchalantly, ignoring the stares of everyone else. "Because Tia loves cake, and despite my warning that it will expand her Royal Plot, she continues to eat it" Luna explained. Princess Luna: Part time princess, full time savage I mentally noted, and gave her a discrete fist/hoofbump. Celestia just sighed and continued to eat her breakfast cake slice and retorted "Coming from the Princess who always has a stash of cookies in her room." Princess Celestia: Also part time princess, full time savage I added another note to my files. "Oh and the ambassadors will be here in half in hour." I was not informed of when they would arrive, I sighed, rolled a pancake up like a joint and walked out. "I'm off to shower and get ready, I'll see you all in twenty." I called out as I left. "Well... This has been an interesting morning" Shining Armor pointed out, as he continued to eat his waffles. I somehow remembered my way to my room, and walked into the bathroom. The shower head was wayyy taller than I expected, almost eight feet up, which seemed overkill when the average pony is three and a half feet tall. Maybe different rooms for all the leaders and stuff and they give me one for the biped species of the planet. I put on my suit and realized I had I no clue where the meeting is. "Well... Shit" I said as I looked down the hallway, I was about to eent, meeny, miny, moe it, when ~~Death~~ Cadence came around the corner. "I'm here to get you, and don't worry, I'll walk." She said, I let out a sign of relief and we walked through the maze of halls. We arrived at the top of a set of stairs in the front of the castle, Celestia, Luna and Shining Armor were already there at the bottom.Cadence was between her husband and Luna, who was next to Celestia, and I was on Celestia's other side. A few seconds later Celestia asked me, "Chris, that quote you said when you entered the dining hall, where is that from?" "It comes from an ancient text, I don't remember which. But is was made famous by a scientist after seeing the results of a project that he worked on." I explained "What was the project did he work on?" Luna asked, I mentally sighed. None of us told any of the ponies about our history yet. The most any of them knew was the terror attack yesterday. "The atomic bomb." I answered "What's that?" Shining asked, I figured he would ask that one, being a former captain, that or he was next up to ask a question. "A bomb that uses certain atoms, mainly uranium and plutonium to create massive explosions. They've only been used twice and for good reason. The cities they were dropped on were completely destroyed." I mentally thought of the pictures of the mushroom clouds and after photos of the cities. Before any had a chance to speak I continued, "Human history is filled with wars and violence, but also caring and compassion. I think the best word to summarize it all is-" "Chaotic?" A voice said "No quite, something more like, confusing. But that could work," I realized we were the ones standing out there, "Who said that? We're the only ones here." They all realized that and fired up their horns, the voice just laughed and said, "I'm reformed, remember?" "Can someone explain who that is?" I was getting pretty ticked off about this whole floating voice who knows human history, all of a sudden a tall creature was standing in front of us, he had a snake like body, a deer antler, a lizard foot and a wide variety of other body parts. "Discord" Celestia said venomously, I don't know much about political, but even if you hate another leader, you at least pretend to be happy to see them. "I told you princess, I'm reformed." He turned to me and introduced himself, "Discord, God of chaos, I have to admit from what I've seen, you humans have an interesting history." "How do you know about our history?" I asked him "I went into your mind, of course!" He explained I was pissed, if he went into my mind what did he know about ME? Does he know my secrets, or my fears? "Don't worry, I only looked at your history" Discord said "You're still in my mind?" I asked him "Of course" he answered "Could you please leave?" I asked "Hmmmmm," Discord began to rub his beard, I knew the answer would be no "No" "Fine, want to see from photos and footage of the war?" I asked him, everyone seemed surprised by me asking him that question. Discord laughed and said "Of course, all of that chaos." "Alright. I'll warn you, it's pretty gory." I informed him "I've lived through millennium, there's little I haven't seen" he said sounding ticked off "Fine, don't say I didn't warn you then." And I began the show I started with the opening scene to Saving Private Ryan (AN: I was thinking about adding it in, but decided not to due to the extremely high gore count, watch at own risk). He seemed a little pale. "That was Omaha Beach" I told him. I moved onto the Holocaust and the starved bodies and mass graves, I showed him a picture of fingernail marks made in the showers from Jews trying to escape the gas. I was about to switch over to the Eastern front, but he turned all green, summoned a trash can, puked and left. Everyone looked at me in confusion at what just happened. "Chris... What did you show him?" Celestia asked "I showed him footage of the largest amphibious invasion in history and photos from a genocide" I plainly answered, they all gasped at the second one. "Discord turned tail and fled. (pony puns, anyone?) Why aren't you affected by it all?" Shining asked "I've seen it before, if he does it again, I have a lot more things to show him." I answered angrily, just then, trumpets began to play, the gates opened and a carriage entered, it came to a stop, and out came a zebra. They had on a gold hoops along their whole neck, reminding of both the tribes on Esrth that do that and Mr. T. He walked up to Princess Celestia and they both bowed at each other, "Princess Celestia" he said, with a heavy African accent "Chieftain Motomba," (pronounce mo-tomb-ba) "it is good to see you again" she replied "This is Ambassador Murray from Earth" she continued, he bowed. I returned it with a Japanese bow. "It is a pleasure to meet you Chieftain." I said "And you too" he replied continued down the line, greeting everyone one, just then another carriage arrived, this one came to stop just behind the other one. A Minotaur came out from here, from here I could tell he was in the military, medals where on his uniform. His dress uniform reminded of the ones back home, except his is maroon instead of blue. He was tall too, probably eight feet tall, he climbed him, greeted Princess Celestia, then turned to me. "I'm Colonel Strong Hoof" he said in an unusually high pitched voice, I think Patton had a similar voice. "Ambassador Murray, nice to meet you Colonel" as we shook hands, he bent down and whispered "You have no clue how little I do this here" "I can only imagine." I replied continued down the line and stood next to Chieftain Motomba, the two were glaring at each other, despite Strong Hoof having several feet and at least a ton weight advantage on him. Celestia, quietly groaned and whispered to me "I really don't feel like dealing with those two." "Then give your self a nice raise, a million an hour, wait no, a minute." I shot back to her, she quietly chuckled, we watched as an airship landed on a nearby cobblestone circle. Must be there version of a helipad. Out came several griffons guards down the gangplank and out walked a griffon in a dress uniform as well. His front half was still in a white shirt, with medals on it. It reminded me of the Navy's dress uniform and his back off was still 'naked'. He walked up the stair and greeted Celestia and moved to me "Admiral Syllus ( pronounce sigh less), Royal Griffon Air Force." He said "Ambassador Murray." I simply said, and with everyone here we all turned around and walked into the castle. Author's Note Finally banged this out. I'll be writing this and The Guardian alternatively, although if I hit a block I'll switch. Also first chapter over 2k words
Kidnapped Kidnapped We all walked to the meeting room, it had a nice big, wooden, round table. I was expecting that much of the room. I noticed a table against the wall with a line of red telephones, and above each of them was a card with the 'owner' of the phone: a pony, a pony with a gem in the middle, a Minotaur, a griffin, a black and white pony/zebra and a stick figure. I chuckled to myself at my own phone line and the picture above it. We all sat down and Celestia began the meeting. Oh sweet baby Jesus I'm bored as shit, when I get back I am SO implementing a term limit until we've all done it and we reset. Or better yet, I have no reputation here so maybe I can get caught with drugs. Do they have drugs here? Is there a drug trafficking issue here? I was mentally talking to myself out of sheer boredom, and I still had a whole two hours to go. Mostly, so far it was been trade agreements, which technically having no borders, or imports and exports, I sat around doing nothing except butting in an idea for a fair trade. A phone began to ring, we all turned to look at it, mine had a red light on it going off. I wonder who has my number, considering I never knew it existed until today. I walked over to it and picked it up, I didn't even put it up to to my ear, and I could all already hear yelling. "NELSON BEEN FOOKING KIDNAPPED MATE!" Brian screamed, the other diplomats all turned at the volume and the news of that. I sighed and began to talk "I want to start from the beginning, slowly and calmly tell me what the hell happened." I said "Right, so me and the mates," he began, while I mentally choked him for saying mate "we're all heading to town to talk to some of the ponies who offered us jobs. Then, a golden aura, surrounded him and picked him and took off with him." "Please tell me you two followed him. If you managed to lose a six foot six Aussie, who was probably like screaming like The Crocodile Hunter, I'm gonna be really pissed." I said "No, he was screaming bloody murder." I am really wanting to choke him now, I may have to dump all his tea in lake for revenge "we followed him to some house in town, then the door was locked and he was still yelling. It's been quiet for a while now, but for all Noah and I know, his mouth is duct taped and nothing bad has happened." He continued "Did you asked the townsfolk who lives in that house?" I asked "Yea, a woman named Lyra, but Noah and I don't recall what she looks like, do you?" "Uhhhh, damn, I know the name, but can't visualize her. Son of a bitch. Why not ask around for what she looks like." I suggested, and received a long moment of silence from the other end "Hello? Brian? You okay over there? Hello?" "I'm here! I was telling Noah to ask around." "Ok, soooo uhhhh, what's up??" I ask while waiting, I hear Noah in the background talking to Brian "That right! I totally forgot, she's the mint green unicorn who's obsessed with humans." Brian told me "Oh yeah! That's right. Now what?" I say "Now what? NOW WHAT, you tell me Mr. Suit and tie." He yelled at me "Uhhhh, call out to her and asks what she wants. If she wants money and a flight out of the country, let me know." I tell him, calling upon all my knowledge of hostage negotiation from movies. "Really?" He asks suspiciously "Yes really, I can't say I've been in this position so I'm using all my knowledge from Hollywood."'I tell him, I realized how weird this conversation must said from this end. Hearing half a conversation can be fun at times. I wait a bit as he talks to Noah in the background "That's it?" Brian asks "so, uhhh apparently, she wants" he takes a deep breath and sighs "to know about humans." "That's it! All of this, over that?" I say, I pinch the the bridge of my nose " I guess, talk to her and what not, talk about history and human achievements." I order him, I hear Nelson yell 'FREEEEEDOM' in the background "Oh and tell Nelson that was a good Mel Gibson from Braveheart impression. I'll take it that my work here." "Yea, right, cheerio!"' He said "Sweet Jesus Brian, if you would have said 'God save the Queen' and 'Tea time' in this conversation you would officially be the most British person I know" "Do you even know any British people?" he asked me "Nope, and I am proud to say I know only one and you're that one. Bye." And with that, we hung up. My self-confidence was thorough the roof after solving this crisis. I turned around walked back to my seat, scooted a little closer to the table and said, "Still got it.". And with that we slowly got back into negotiating. We finally took a lunch break at about noon. We all walked through the labyrinth known as the castle's hallways, personally all the halls are the same. We all sat down and given menus, by ponies in butler ponies (why do they have suits jackets and bow ties, but not pants?). After we finished Celestia cleared her throat and said "Now is everypony's favorite event." She said smiling, I was not given a schedule and given no information about how this works, so I guessed. "Quitting time?" I asked and received a chorus of laughter, I kept thinking, that's the best part of the day, right? Leaving school or work, going home and relaxing. "I'm drawing a blank here, what's up next?" I asked "Military inspections, we have a friendly competition of whose military performs the best," She told me. She continued "I would have told but you... Have no military to speak of." Makes sense, sort of, but she could have told me I so would have brought some guns here as we began to walk back outside. "I understand, but the last time I was here I had a weapon or two or three, and Nelson did have a machete too." I told her, they all seemed a little surprised by that. "I remember the sword, but what other weapons did you have?" She asked me "Well, two of them are small and were hidden the other one was the long piece of wood and metal I had with me on my back." I explained and Celestia's eyes lit up in surprise "I see, now do these weapons work." She asked, and I explained it all to them... "So these sniper rifles can be used for long range combat?" Syllus asked "Correct Admiral, the longest confirmed kill with one is a little more than a mile I believe." I said, Colonel Strong Hoof whistled at that. We finally arrived outside in the back courtyard area, I saw a dozen minotaurs, a dozen Griffins and three dozen ponies: a dozen in golden armor, a dozen in a darkish blue armor and the last in a purple color, with a orange gem in the middle. The ponies in the purple armor looked shiny, before I realized they actually were. Ohhhh, I get it now Crystal Empire, Crystal Ponies, they really like puns around here, then how come Cadence and Armor don't look like that?. I suddenly realized. They all had the same weapons, swords on their sides and some had crossbows. They did various drills, sword fights and archery competitions, the Lunar Guard won the Best Drilled, the minotaurs won the best Swordfighting having hands to hold the sword with helps out, and the Soalr Guard won Best Archery. I personally thought with my rifle I could do better than them, but that's just me. We all went back in, where the meeting was promptly dismissed and we were free do whatever, some just stayed around or went off to talk about whatever, but I just went to my room. I had a guard show me to my room, because this castle is a labyrinth to me. "Here you are Ambassador." The guard said "Thank you." I replied, and walked back in. My first plan was to get out of this suit, I'm more of a sweatpants and t-shirt guy. I hopped in the shower, which is the only thing I've seen to be bigger than me, I have to nearly kneel to use a counter and I don't need a seat most of the time at a table. I quickly took it and went into my closet and pulled out a simple white shirt and my American flag shorts because fuck it. I was planning on listening to some music, taking a nice nap and then heading back out. While I was sitting there I realized something big: I was alone. I mean, yeah I'm the only one in the room, but more than that. Does my family know what happened? Or my friends? How long have I been gone for? I've been here for almost a week, but they could be a year or a decade, it could even be a minute. I couldn't help but let a tear go. I sat there, looking up at the ceiling thinking about home, homesick as fuck. I heard the sound of horseshoes on the tiled floor, walking down the hall, I assumed it was one of the princesses or even the Chieftain. I heard whoever it was stop outside my door and began talking. "How is he niece?" I heard Celestia say "He's sad about something, I can't tell what about though." Cadence said back, I didn't know how she knew how I was doing, but still. I put some music on, and closed my eyes anyway and fell asleep. I woke up, groggy as hell. It was dark out, but then again it was winter, so for I all know it was only 5:30 in the evening. I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes, I took my earbuds out and stumbled out of bed. "Oh shit." I muttered to myself, I checked my watch 5:37, not that far off from my guess. I walked out and looked around where to go from here. Pinkie bounced around the corner. "Hey Pinkie, what's up?" I asked her, I realized I hadn't seen her or any of the girls since this morning, but I have been alseep for the last few hours. "Well the girls and I spent the day in Canterlot, seeing the sights. Afterwards Rarity went to the fashion district, Twilight went to the library as always, Fluttershy went to the zoo, Dashie and AJ were going around doing competitions as usual." She said "And what about you?" I asked, my gut was telling me she threw a party "Well, a colt was having his birthday party, so I spent my day there." She said, causally "Sooo you crashed a party?" "No." "Ok then, do you know where everyone else is." "Oh that's easy, their all in Princess Celestia's study. I was coming to get you." She said "How do yo-" I began, before letting out a sigh "let's go." I was going to ask how she knew I was awake but I already knew the answer. Pinkie Sense. Pinkie can tell when things will happen, it's like Spider sense, but more accurate and more a pink pony. Everyone thinks Pinkie is odd, but I don't. She may seem odd, but considering I woke up on a different planet, with people from other countries and said planet is home to talking ponies and other mythological creatures, the fact she pulls things from random areas has no effect on me. We finally arrived at the study room we walked in and joined the girls and princesses. I greeted them and sat down we made idle chat, until a bright light filled the room. We all jumped up to look out the window at what occurred. In the back courtyard, was a truck from earth, more importantly it was a deuce and a half truck. I started laughing and I was about to ran down to it, until I realized I had no clue how to get there. So I took the easy way, opened a window and climbed down to it. The guards surrounded it, holding their swords and spears pointed at it. "Watch out!" I said to them and jumped in. "Chris, what is this... Machine?" Luna asked me "This is a truck from home, I don't remember the official name, but it's called a deuce and a half because it weighs two and a half tons. It can carry troops or supplies, it can carry 5,000lbs off-road or 10,000 on a road, it it's known to haul double or even triple that" I turned my attention back to the inside and looked for the keys, they were already in the ignition. "My country built it during World War 2, but it served again in the Korean War and even into the 1960s before finally withdrawn." I finished "Your world had TWO world wars?" Shining asked in disbelief "Yep." Was my simple response "Lets see if she can run." I turned the key, and she roared to life. Everyone took a step back, even the princesses and the guards. "Do you even know how to drive it?" Twilight shouted over the engine. "Yea! I drove one up to my uncle's house in the mountains!" I called back. I turned off the engine and climbed back out, I went around the back to see if their was anything good back there. I found nothing. I don't know what I was hoping to get, but still. "Now what?" I asked "Well, you can keep it, how we'll get it out, I'm not sure. I'm quite sure my little ponies would panic if they saw that thing driving down the streets." Celestia said. "Ok, so I can't drive out or even drive to the train station. Hmmm" I said, heavily in thought. Maybe I could drive at night. "He could use the station at the camp further up the mountain." Armor suggested "What? There's military base not this mountain? The city is already halfway up it!" I said before I realized the answer: magic. I slammed my head into the steering wheel and caused the horn to go off. "Shit!" As I jumped back in surprise. I climbed back out and we all went back inside.
ISIS, baths and a gunWe were walking back to the study, when I remembered Nelson was a free man I should probably call him and make sure he's okay. "I'll be right back, I've got to make a call." I said and went back to my room to call him. We all exchanged numbers in case of any problems and make it easier to talk to each other. I gave him a call "Hello?" "Hey Nelson, welcome back to the land of the free." "Ha-ha, what's up man?" "Wow Nelson, I was excepting you to say mate. Caught me off guard." "Is it because Brian says it or because I'm from Australia?" I heard someone talking in the background and Nelson's muffled voice. "You having a celebration for your release?" "No the guys and I are just hanging out. No I'm fine Brian, yes I'm sure. God." "Brian riding your ass?" "Yea, you got taken and have a civil conversation with your kidnapper and Brian is all over you." "You know how Mother England is with her kids, except the rebellious one." I hear Nelson laughing away and he repeats it to the others. "Brian says he's gonna get you back for that one." "Tell him he can try, but there'll be a Ponyville Tea Party." *SLAM* "DID SOMEPONY SAY PARTY?!?" Pinkie suddenly kicks open my door and bursts in wearing a party hat and drags her party cannon in with her "NONONO OH DEARGOD NO!" I quickly say, she seems glum by my denial of a party. "Then why did you say party?" She asks sadly "It's part of a name of an event back home, it's wasn't an actual tea party." I explained "Oh. Okay! Bye!" And she walks out "Nelson you still there?" I ask "Yea, nice save." He says "Thanks." "So how was work?" He asks me "Boring until Brian called flipping out and shit hit the fan with that. But other than that is was chill. An old army truck showed up here about half an hour ago, so that's coming home with me." "Really? Is it possible that more things will come here?" "Only time will tell." "Alright, hey I've got to go, having dinner." "Ok man, don't let me stop you. See you tomorrow." And with that we hung up. I totally forgot to ask if they got jobs in town or not, I knew some ponies offers them jobs, but I don't know who got asked for what job or they even accepted any. I got up and went back to the study. I turned a corner and bumped into someone "My bad, I didn't see you there." I said, apologizing to them, they had long hair, but a stallion's face, so I couldn't tell if they were male or female. "Of course you didnt you filthy commo-" he began to say before he looked up at me "GUARDS! RETURN THIS MONK-" he said, before I cut him off "FINISH THAT FUCKING SENTENCE AND I WILL GOUGE OUT YOUR EYEBALLS AND SKULLFUCK YOU!!" I roared at him. He quickly ran away, screaming like a little girl, as he passed a door it opened up, revealing everyone. They looked at me, then down the hall at the screaming pony, Applejack, Dash and Rarity began to laugh at the scene. The rest of them seem... Surprised for the lack of better terms. "Chris, you don't plan to... Follow through with that, do you?" Celestia asked me "No, I'm not some sicko, I said to make him freak out. Who was that anyway?" I said "That was Prince Blueblood, he's a distant relative of ours and he lives here. He always is out chasing mares." Luna explained, Rarity blushed a little at this, maybe he dated her or something. "Alright, hopefully next time he sees me he'll remember what I said then." I said and we all went back into the room. "So who did you call, if um you don't mine me asking. You don't have to answer." Fluttershy asked, looking at me with her lone cyan eye, the other hidden by her hair. "I called Nelson he... sorta kinda of got kidnapped earlier." I said, rubbing the back of my neck. "There's no grey area between being foalnapped and not, so was he or was he not?" Twilight asked, sounding kinda harsh "Yea he was b-" "WHAT?!" The girls all shout. "Who took him? I'll beat their flank!" Dash said, ticked off and flying around Applejack leapt up and grabbed Dash by her tail and bringing her back down to solid ground. "Woah sugahcube, calm down." She grunted through her clenched teeth, Dash struggled a bit more before giving up. "Who was it?" Twilight asked "Lyra, apparently she wanted to learn about 'humans' or something like that" I said "She could do what I did. Of course she would have to be a god or an alicorn to do that." Discords's voice resonated around the room. Everyone jumped up and looked around for him. A shadow melted off the wall and appeared in front of me. "Now what do you want?" I asked, still pissed about the earlier event with him. "Relax, young lad-" He began to say "Call me young lad again and I'll show you what ISIS did to that Jordanian pilot they shot down." I threatened, he gulped loudly "So you know what happened then?" I asked. He quickly shook his head and disappeared once again. "Chris, what did you mean by that. What's ISIS and what happened." Celestia asked. Shit, now I have to explain about a group trying to form their own country where women are almost slaves and they throw stones to kill people. "It's... Nothing. Don't worry about it." I said hesitantly. "Really? it doesn't sound like nothing." Applejack pointed out "I know, it's just that human history is full of wars and violence, but ISIS has taken up a notch." I said "ISIS... that sounds familiar Chris. Where have I heard it before?" Twilight asks, raising a hoof in her chin and idly scratching her chin. "On the news yesterday in Brussels." I replied, the girls gasped and the rest of them looked confused "So these ISIS... brutes did that?" Rarity asked, my silence was the answer. "Oh my." Fluttershy said quietly. "Yeah." I replied, I looked around at all of them, shock plastered on their faces. "Now what?" I asked. Luna stood up, and stretched her back like a cat and said, "I do not, but I will take a nice bath." "I'll join you sister." Celestia said "I'll join you Aunties" Cadence said, soon everyone else said they join as well for a bath. They all looked at me, waiting for my response. "Yea no count me out. Public bathing fell out of style when the Roman Empire fell." I said "So? Ponies bathe together all the time. Big Mac, AppleBloom and Ah all shower together." Applejack pointed out. I personally thought it's weird they would all shower together. "But why?" I asked "Ponies have a hard time washing their backs, so it's not uncommon for friends to bathe together." Celestial explained "Oh. So you can't do this?" I asked, and turned around rubbing my back with my hands and grabbing the other hand for a minute. "Alright alright show off." Dash said "Coming from Ms. Modesty herself?" I asked, sarcastically, everyone laughed blush Dash just blushed and we all left and went our separate ways. "God damn, I should've gone and put some pants on." I muttered to myself. I was slowly losing feeling in my legs, but I had a hoodie and twelve years of experience in the harsh NorthEast winter. I was back outside to get a farther look at the truck. Maybe some hidden Nazi gold or something like that. Yea that'd be nice, some gold and I'm set for life. Wait, gold is common here. Fuck. There was a group of guards walking around it. "Pretty cool, huh?" I called out, they all jumped a little out of surprise. I walked up to the cab and jumped in and was engulfed by darkness. "Would you like a torch sir?" A guard asked "No thanks, I have one with me." I said, pulling out my phone and turning on the flashlight. I took a look around for anything of interest. A glint on the floor got my eye, I reached under and felt something, it was wooden. Maybe I actually did find stolen Nai treasure, but with my luck it'll be empty. After some moving it around, I pulled out my prize and was greeted holding the stock of a trenchgun. "Huh, that's odd." I muttered to myself, I did a quick rundown of the rest of the cab, but came away empty handed. Not even ammo for the gun. I climbed back out and looked under the seat for some ammo. I found two boxes, each holding two dozen rounds. I went to check the bed of the truck real quick, this time checking under the seats as well, but came up empty. I went back in happy with my find. "Oh that's nice." I said, sighing happily as I out on a thick pair of thick sweatpants. I sat down on my bed, thinking about what to do next. I had no clue where everyone was at, no doubt still bathing though and I still had wasn't going to join them. I put my music on shuffle and looked around the room, searching for an idea. I saw my travel bag hanging on the back of a chair near the fireplace and I got an idea. I grabbed it and pulled out my sketchbook and color pencils, planning on drawing something or die trying. I noticed a table with a old radio from the 1930s on it. I sat down in the chair and started to draw, I had no clue what I was outlining but part of me didn't and the other part did. I started to draw a simple rectangle and split it into quarters. The top right quarter I drew four stars, the top left I further spilt into thirds, the whole bottom was the same design, a box straight in the middle and two lines at a forty five degree angle coming down from the middle. The right corner four seven sided stars and a five sided star. I began to color it in, the top right was colored blue and the stars were left paper white. The top right had the left and right thirds shaded in with red. The bottom was shaded in with blue and red. Just as I finished I realized what I drew: a combination of everyone's flag. The stars form the US, the red and white from Canada (minus the maple leaf) and the bottom was the UK and Australia. I sat there trying to figure out why I drew this, when someone knocked on the door. "Come in." I called out and everyone walked in "So what did you do while we were away?" Cadence asked me "Well, I went back out to the truck and nearly froze my legs off, but I found a trenchgun so it was well worth it. I came back here and drew this funny looking flag for some reason and now I'm waiting for a fireside chat with FDR." I explained and pointing at the radio. "Who's FDR?" Celestia asked "He was the 32nd President of my country. His first two terms he had to try and fix the economy when the whole world was in a depression. He used the radio, to talk to Americans about issues." I said. "Hmmm, interesting." She replied "Would you care to join us for dinner?" She asked "Considering I have no money and no idea where else to eat. Yea." I said and I stood up. Only to get knocked back down by a pink princess. "Carry me." She said, laying a hoof over her forehead. I looked at Shining and mouthed 'Help me' and received a 'How?' in return. I groaned and with walked to the dining hall. Author's Note Sorry for the delay I've had a bad writers block on this one and my other story.
I need an adultWe walked down the hall to the dining hall, with me carrying Cadence. She rubbed her face against my cheek. "What are you doing?" I asked, glancing down at her. "Cuddling my favorite human." She said "Chris, why is their fur on your face?" "It not fur, it's hair. All humans grow hair all over their bodies, except the lips, palms of our hands and soles of our feet. Women keep it all shaved off and men grow it however. Some keep it clean shaven, where as some have massive beards. I'm also the only human you know, if Noah or Nelson received the last vote for ambassador, they would be your favorite human." I told her, she gasped and looked at me "There's MORE humans? I have to meet them! SQUEEE!" She said, letting out a squeaky toy sound effect. "I'll give you Brian for 10 dollars." I told her "Dollars?" She asked "Bits" I corrected myself "Chris!" Celestia, lightly scolded me "Deal!" Cadence said "Cadence!" Celestia shouted, I looked at her "What?" I asked, playing dumb "Slabery is illegal in both Equestria and the Crystal Empire." She told me "Slavery is illegal here?" I said, sounding dumbstruck. "It's legal back home?!" They all asked "No, in some places it's still done, discreetly. My country outlawed it 150 years ago, after a civil war that lasted for four years." I said "Civil War? Why?" Twilight asked "Part of the country wanted to keep slavery because it was vital to the economy and the other didn't want to have slavery. The part that wanted to keep slavery seceded, which also raised the question of state rights versus the national government. Four years and 700,000 or so deaths later, the country was reunited and the President banned slavery and that's the basic rundown of the American Civil War." I said, they all looked at me in shock, suddenly a flash went off in my face and I went blind. I felt fur on my chest and heard several gasps. "Oh God! I'm blind! More importantly why do I fell shirtless?" I asked while keeping my priorities in order. Someone lifted whatever was on my head, off I looked around to see several blushing ponies and my bare chest. "Oh thank you God! I can see you again! What's wrong?" I asked them, seeing something was wrong. "Y-you have teats!" Rarity stammered while blushing and doing her best Fluttershy impression. "Yes, I do. All humans do, don't ask me why males do, we just do. But they're pointless on males." I explained. "Ohhhh, what kind of cutie mark is that?" Pinkie asked, I glanced over at Twilight "Didn't we already talk about how human DON'T get cutie marks?" "Yes, but what's that on your arm?" She asked, pointing with her nose at one of tattoos. "Oh! My tat, it's my father's police badge. My other arm has my mother's badge." I explained as my showed my other arm off. "How do you get them?" Cadence asked "I paid a friend of a friend to do it, Basically a needle goes under the top layer of skin and permanently marks the one under it or something." "Does that hurt?" Rarity asked "A little. Not much, the pain varies from place to place." I simply said, shrugging "Did you have any family serve in the military?" Shining asked "Shiny!" Twilight and Cadence scolded, I simply ignored them "Both my grandfathers served in World War 2, one served in the Pacific in the Navy aboard an aircraft carrier and the other served in Europe, from D-Day to the end. I had a cousin serve in Vietnam flying helicopters." I said, not adding that he was shot down and killed. I began to put my shirt back on. I was climbing back out to the light, when all light was blocked out, I looked up to see Cadence looking me. "Yes?" I asked her "Nothing." She simply said "I need an adult." I groaned out, Cadence stuck her face deeper in and said "I'm an adult." "On second thought, a therapist would be nice." I replied, with everyone laughing and Cadence removed her head from the head-hole of my shirt. She still had a grip on me and I awkwardly put my shirt back on. "Can someone explain to me why my shirt magically came off?" I asked as we arrived at the dining hall. My answer was silence. We all sat down with Cadence (as always) next to me and Rarity on my other side. We were handed menus, unfortunately I was in the mood for pizza and I found the lack of pizza disturbing. "God, I could go for I slice of pizza." I muttered to myself "What's that darling?" Rarity asked and everyone turned their head towards me "Pizza is an Italian dish, that's basically dough, tomato sauce and mozzarella cheese. Altough you can add different cheese to it and toppings, such as tomatoes, peppers or meat, just to name a few. You guys don't have anything similar to that?" I asked "No, but it sounds divine dear." Rarity said and everyone added their agreements. I stood up and walked back to the kitchen and started counting. "2,4,6,8,10 and me, that eleven." I said "two pies it is." "Where are you going Chris?" Celestial asked "Don't worry! As Ace Ventura once said 'If I'm not back in five minutes. Just wait longer!'" As I slid into the doors. I walked into a state of the art kitchen, just with low counters, like everywhere else. A griffon was standing there, with a chefs hat and a pencil mustache (How do they grow those? They have feathers) "Can I help you Monsieur?" He asked me with a French accent, throwing off even more. But I quickly recovered "Yes, I recently learned that this planet does not have pizza and I'm here to introduce it." I explained He gasped at that, or he burned something "Of course Monsieur! I would be honored to help you. What do you require?" "I need dough, tomato sauce and mozzarella cheese and a a ladle." I said and we got to work, and I explained the step along the way. In ten minutes we had two pies in the oven, we sat around in comfortable silence while they cooked. I pulled them out and put them on two massive plates. "I'm assuming you don't have pizza cutter so a knife will do." I said and grabbed one, revealing a knife the size of my forearm. "Is a knife this size really necessary?" I asked, the chef just shrugged. "I'm back!" I said balancing a pizza on each arm. I was about to put them in the middle, but a purple aura did it instead. "Dude! I totally had that!" I said, taking my seat. "Dig in everyone." I said, reaching for a slice. Only to watch as a slice flew onto everyone's plate in a golden aura of magic. I looked at them all trying to figure out how to eat it. I was a 'Folder', which is the only way to eat it as far as I'm concerned. "How exactly do you eat this?" Rarity asked "It isn't that hard Rarity, you could fold in half, use a fork and a knife or just eat across it like this." Pinkie said, eating the pizza from side to side in the blink of an eye. We all looked at her for a moment, I merely shrugged and explained. "She's right, I like to fold mine. Some people eat from the crust forward or rip the crust off and put it in the middle. We call those people weird." "Why are they weird?" Twilight asked "'Cause that isn't right. The crust is at the end for a reason. It messes with the flow, so to say." Taking a bite of mine. Everyone else took a bite and moaned in pleasure of it. "Is it good?" I asked smugly, knowing the answer. I received a chorus of 'Yes' except for one "Darling this is sim-URRPP." Rarity began to say, only to burp like a truck driver. Applejack, Pinkie, Dash and I laughed at that, while everyone else, tried to hold it in. Rarity looked like she wanted to disappear. I was able to stop laughing for a moment and was able to say, "In some cultures, that would be seen as a compliment, so thank you." "Really? What barbaric cultures are those?" Rarity asked, scrunching her nose. "Wow! Insult some why don't you?" Before she can apologize, I cut her off "I'm just messing with you, I think it's common in SouthEast Asia." "What countries would those be?" Twilight asked "Uhhh, Vietnam, Cambodia and Laos I think, probably some more." I said and with that we left and went to do our separate things. Author's Note Sorry this thing took a month,I wasn't in the mood to write for awhile, I had finals and I was sick for a week. God this one was a bitch to write for me. Hopefully the next will be easier.
MusicI was chilling in my room, not-so-quietly playing my music, which was on shuffle and playing "Spanish Caravan" by The Doors and getting ready to head home tomorrow. I didn't really have a set plan, which if Twlight found out about that I would be a dead man. My big plan was to have the guys over and talk some shit over. I wanted to set up some sort of government, I thought it was weird that I was some sort of Ambassador/President type of guy. Another big issue was gasoline for our cars, we obviously had no idea how to convert crude oil to gas or how to even drill it for that matter. We figured ethanol would be our best option, I did a little research into it and it made zero sense to me, but Nelson and Noah figured it out so I put them in charge of it. Come spring we'll plant half an acre of corn, which should be about 150 gallons of ethanol and see if that's a good amount or adjust it. My final thought was if anyone else showed up. What if another human showed up, but not in Ponyvillr, but another country and with nothing on the clothes on their back. Maybe they can't speak English at all, I only know a little Spanish and Noah knows some French and that's our entire foreign language department. But also, all of us are from English speaking countries, so maybe a South African or an Irish person is here, somewhere. I was done packing and was about to take a quick shower so I wouldn't be rushing in the morning, except I was interrupted by someone at the door. "Yea?" I called out "Can ya turn down the music? It's almost midnight! And what band is that? I've never them before." Dash said, I laughed at that second part. "I would imagine that you never have considering they're from Earth." I said. I could hear Applejack talking to Dash in the background. Something my 'records' I look over at the record player on a nearby table. I couldn't help but laugh if they think that's what I use. Then again, they've never seen my phone. Imagine Dragons came on next while I waited for one of them to start talking to me. Rarity and I think Fluttershy joined the conversation outside, I figured it was only time until Twilight and Pinkie somehow got involved. Instead of a knock on the door, I got a bright flash and something dropping on the desk next to me. "JESUS TITTY-FUCKING CHRIST!" I yelled as a stumbled backwards from the flashbang that went off next to me. There was a box, wrapped in gist wrapping paper and a note. I picked up the mote and read it, Dear Chris, I hope this makes up for my wrongdoings Lots of chaos, Discord P.S Don't worry, it refills when you run out I stood there trying to figure out what he means by 'it refills when you run out' of whatever this is. The door busted open, almost coming off the hinges and Dash and Applejack came bounding in "Why ya alright?" Applejack asked, as her looked confused by the random wrapped box I had "Uh why do ya have a gift for?" She asked, a pink blur came flying in, race car sound effect included. Pinkie stood there looking at me. "Well it's not your birthday," she said and giggled "that's in five months three weeks and four days, unless *GASP* it's an EARLY birthday present!" I was about to explain why I have it, when Twilight came stomping in. "UGH!! Can you all PLEASE keep the noise down? I'm reading about Starswirl the Breaded's theory on 3rd law on nature!" We all looked at her and tought the same thing: Da Fuck? Finally to add to the clusterfuck occurring, the Princesses and Shining showed up. Part of me noticed 'Cleanin'' Out My Closet' by Eminem was playing. "We sensed Discord's magic, is everyone alright?" Luna asked, we all said yes and they confused for a moment. "He wasn't here." I told them "Then why did we sense his magic?" Celestia asked "Probably because he magically dropped off this gift, whatever it is." I said, holding up the mystery box. "What's in it?" Twilight asked "I have no idea, but we'll find out in a minute." I said as I began to open it, I started from a corner. I ripped it and began to laugh my ass off at what I saw. 'The Sweetest Comeback in the history of Ever'. It was a box of Twinkies. I continued to rip it off and I was smiling like an idiot. "So that's what he meant by it never runs out" I muttered "Chris, what in Equestria is that?" Rarity asked "This is the best-worst tasting snack from Earth, not to mention has enough preservatives to mummify a small cat: The Twinkie." I explained, everyone's face going a little place at the cat analogy. "If they taste so bad, why do you have them and why did you say it proudly." Celesta asked I shrugged and began to open one"I like them anyway, I think another reason he gave them to me is because they are one of the food that represent America, alongside hamburgers and hot dogs." "You selfish bitch I hope you fucking burn in hell for this shit." Came out from my speakers. Everyone stiffens at that verse and I froze in place. Only my luck would that ONE verse play at a quiet part of the conversation. As the saying goes Thanks Obama Celestia cleared her throat and walked over to the record player. "I'm sorry th- where's the record?" She asked "That would be uhh my music." I said, as I walked over to the nightstand to pause it. "Where's the record?" She asked, I couldn't help but laugh a little at that question. "Records went out of style about thirty or forty years ago. They were replaced by cassette tapes and then those were replaced by CDs and then MP3s came along. Over time, the capacity on them increased. I mine, on my phone I have over 250 songs and I'm only halfway through my storage and I could delete some things for even more room." I said "So that's ya phone?" Applejack asked "Sort of. It's a cell phone, so it's portable. Unfortunately there is a distinct lack of cell phone towers here, so I can't use it to call, but it has plenty of uses." "Like what?" "I have a calendar, a camera, a map, weather, clock, notes, books, games, a conversion app, a bunch of other apps and a couple dozen games. But I can't use the map, weather, And some other apps because I have no internet here, obviously." I said "You have all this stuff on that little thing? You have to let me study it!" Twilight said "Also what's the internet?" I stood there for a moment trying to figure out how to explain the Internet. "Imagine being able to look up almost anything. Famous people, events, information on countries and their history and culture. Or looking the answer to questions like why apple seeds are toxic to humans." Twilight looked shocked and just stood there. Dash flew over and waved a hoof in her face "Yo Twi! Twi! She's in an egghead coma give her *yawn* a few minutes." When she yawned everyone except for Luna and I did too. "I suggest you all go to bed, you have a big day tomorrow." Celestia suggested and everyone left, with Twilight being carried out by Cadence's magic. I sat down on the edge of the bed and cracked open my box 'o Twinkies. "I'm gonna be a diabetic come morning." I muttered. While I sat there a thought entered my mind and it's one of those thoughts that irk you to no end. What do world leaders do when they're not leading? I mean Obama golfs and Putin rides bears shirtless, but what about privately? For all I know Obama does basket weaving or Putin is a men's fashion designer or something like that. What do the Princesses do when they're all together? For some reason I could see them being real formal in public, but put the three in a room all by themselves and they would turn into college aged girls, drinking margaritas and tequila and all sorts of other crazy shit. What were my hobbies? I thought to myself, what would I be caught doing if the paparazzi (if they even exist here) see me doing? I grabbed my phone and began a list of hobbies: Running Hunting communists Spreading freedom and democracy Fishing? Video games This list checks out and with my mind cleared, I fell asleep in a few minutes. Someone was knocking at my door, and I was pissed because I just fell asleep. Maybe if I don't answer they'll leave, I'm silently willing whoever is outside to leave. "Come ON Chris, it's 7:15!" Twilight called out, I still pretended to sleep. The door opens and I hear someone walking over to me and I try and resist the urge to smile. They start poking me, I let out a tired groan and roll over. I'm met with am angry, purple unicorn, "Yes?" I asked in my best tired voice "Come on! It's 7:16, we're a minute late!" Twilight said urgently "And what time do we leave?" "Well, the girls and I are leaving at 8:30 to a train to Ponyville that Princess Celestia got for us, but you're leaving at 8:15 to go the military base further up the mountain to put your truck on a special car." "Wow... You have this thing all planned out. Wake me in half an hour so I can get ready." "But that would only give you half an hour to get ready. You have to pack-" "Did that last night" "Shower?" "That would take ten minutes max." "Eat?" "I can be a very fast eater." I said, Twiligjt was silent for a moment. "But that wouldn't give you enough time to say goodbye to everypony." "Like who? The Princesses and Shining?" "Ugh! You're impossible!" She said as she stormed out "Even impossible says I'm possible!" I called out. I'm not falling asleep again anytime soon. I roll out of bed and take a quick shower. I take a look in the mirror, a shave wouldn't hurt, I grabbed my razor and shaving cream and began, accompanied by some Queen. I was shaving my right cheek, when someone knocked on the door, my hand went down and my head went up leaving a nice cut on my cheek. "OWW! FUCKIN' SHIT!!! FUCK!!" "Chris! Are you alright?" I heard Twilight ask through the door "Just peachy!" "Ya sure? Ya don't sound too fine from out here!" Applejack said "You can come in!" I said, I heard the door open and several hoofsteps walk across the floor. I finished shaving and stuck a piece of toilet paper on the cut. I finished up and walked walked out. "What about to your face darling?" Rarity asked "Well, whoever knocked on my door caught me off guard so my hand jerked down and left me with a small cut." "Oh my, do you want me to look at it, if you don't mind." Fluttershy asked "It wouldn't hurt to put some anti-infection stuff on it." I said and she walked out of the room. We stood there semi-awkwardly, I was feeling because I was only wearing a towel. Which gave me an awesome idea, next meeting wear a toga, next meeting kilt, next one motherfucking lederhosen. After that I'll wing it. I stood there trying not to grin when Fluttershy returned. "This'll sting a little." She advised "I figured, 'sides I've had a things worse than a little cut." "Oh my, like what, if you don't mind me asking." "Broke my collarbone twice, both times embarrassing ways, several nasty falls and a major surgery." "Surgery? For what?" Dash asked, I slid the towel down a few inches, revealing the scar, running across my chest. "I had some birth defect that left a larger than normal depression between my collarbones, I never really bothered to look into." "What did they do?" Twilight asked, looking a little too eager "Don't really know, they basically put a metal bar in me, took some cartridge out and it regrew into the proper shape." I said as Fluttershy finished putting a Band-Aid on my face. "Alright, I hope you don't mind, but I'm afraid I have to ask you all to leave so I can get changed. I'll meet you all in the dining hall." I said, they agreed and left. I started getting dressed when I remembered I have no clue where the dining hall is. Author's Note Yea! Another one down Next chapter: Homeward bound and meeting a famous pony from Canterlot. Here a story of how I broke my collarbone I was about five or six, so my bones were still weak/growing. I was rolling around on my parent's bed, I rolled off and broke it. They didn't even notice it was broken until it was almost fully healed, thank god it wasn't internal bleeding!m One last thing, I'm posting at 3:39 AM, so I apologize for any typos.
Homeward bound Homeward bound I was dressed for umm success? I'm not sure if wearing a shirt from some distant relative in Ireland and a pair of jeans count or not, but as the saying goes 'I am but a simple man'. I wasn't sure if I should bring my luggage with me, something that I consider to be extremely important was not added in a certain purple unicorns's play by play plan. Worse case scenario is I grab it before we leave or something, I wasn't planning on leaving here empty handed, mostly because I didn't come here empty handed. I stepped out, ready to go home and do something there, the one million dollar question is where is the dining room? Was it on this level? Or was it up one? No down one or is this the ground floor? Is there a basement in here? Is Darth Vader really Luke's father? I stood there trying to answer the questions that bothered me the most when I noticed a cart that would be used by maids, except pony sized. I went over to the room that they were cleaning and knocked on the side of the door. "Yes sir?" The pony maid asked, in a French maid outfit, which still bothered me to no end. "Can you point me in the direction of the dining hall?" "Of course. Go down to the end of the hall, go up the flight of stairs and it's the third door on the left." She directed me, waving her foreleg around almost like making a mental map. I was freaked about how their legs can move like a elbow. "Thank you very much." "Of course sir. Have a good day." "You too." While I was walking down the hall, I had another item to had to my list of things to wear to the meetings. Those uniforms that Andrew Jackson would wear. I couldn't help but laugh a little to my self at that. I successfully made it, but than again it wasn't all that hard. But anything to improve my nonexistent self-confidence. I opened the doors and noticed a certain pink pony princess standing waiting for me. I quickly closed the doors slightly, enough to block her from me. "How long as she been there for?" I asked no one in particular. Cadence just lets out an annoyed groan. "How did you see me?" She asked, giving a look of both anger and hurt "I hate to rain on your parade but-" "Now that's just rude!" Pinkie said "What did she do for you to rain on her parade like that? You should be ash-UMPPH!!" She continued before a cyan hoof cut her off. "Like I was saying, you kinda stick out against a white wall, being pink and all." I explained "So I should paint this wall pink?" She asked me "I hope you don't plan on painting my walls, Cadence." Celestia said. Cadence paled a little at that "Of c-course not-t Auntie Tia." She stumbled out, but I could've sworn she muttered 'Sunbutt' at the end. I wrote it off as hearing things. I walked over to one of two empty seats, I took my chances being next to Pinkie Pie because life needs a little spicing up. "So what's the agenda? I mean after we all leave and go home?" "What's the matter? We aren't fun enough?" Luna asked with mock hurt in her voice "Considering I live in the same town as the 'Premier Party Pony' you have some stiff competition." I retorted "But even than, no one else is awake at 2am, I don't think." "Why are you up so late?" Twilight asked, I shrugged. "Then surely you wouldn't mind a little visit than?" Luna asked "Mi casa es su casa." I said "What did you say?" Twilight asked "He said 'My house is your house.'" Cadence said "You speak Spanish?" "I grew up in the Spaneighish region of Equestria." She admitted, I mentally slammed my head into the table. Thankfully a waiter walked in and dropped off some menus for us. "What other regions are there and which are we in?" I asked "We're currently in the Central region, there's also Spaneigh, Prance and Saddle Arabia, although the Saddle Arabians have been pushing for independence." Celestia said "So they'll be their own country?" I asked "Yes." "Do they even have a leader set up, or is it just they want to be independent and something like Somalia will happen?" I asked "They have a leader all set up, right now it's just smoothing out the details. What happened in Somalia?" Celestial asked, I was a little bit surprised that she was causally talking about this is front of the girls, who weren't involved with in politics. "Somalia is a country in East Africa that had its government topple in the early 1990s or maybe the late 1980s. Ever since its been clans and warlords fighting to take over the whole country." "And no has bothered to step in?!" Twilight asked "We tried. Back in '93 or so, a massive famine hit and killed about 300,000 or so." I began, they all gasped at that. "Oh my, that must've been the worst disaster ever!" Fluttershy said "It wasn't. Anyway the UN went in to distribute food and the U.S. sent some troops in to find some big warlord. Long story short, nineteen American troops died and caused us to leave." I explained A waiter came out and took our orders. We talked about more about the regions of Equestria, as I suspected, they were similar to the countries they shared a similar name to back on Earth. "So pretty much, everyone on the planet, speaks the SAME LANGUAGE, but these three places have their own languages?" I asked trying to make sense of this conversation. "Not quite." Luna said "Griffons and Minotaurs have their own dialects and dragons have their own language, although some speak Equestrian." Several waiters came out along with our meals. Shining and I stood next to the deuce, ready to head out. I did a quick check of my stuff: Suitcase, gun and the ammo for it. We said our goodbyes and climbed in, Shining had a little trouble climbing in, but he figured it out. "So which why do I go to get out of here?" I asked, noticing a distinct lack of entrances and exits "There's a gate around the side." He said pointing towards the east side "Alright." We drove off and began our drive to the base. "So Shining, how did you become a Captain? You seem a little young for that high of a rank. I'm pretty sure Captain is a high rank." I asked "It's up there, a few under having stars on my chest. I am on the younger side, but that's because I've seen a little combat." He admitted "Correct me if I'm wrong but Equestria has been in a war in 100 years or something like that." "MAJOR wars." He corrected "I fought against some Diamond Dogs and had some run ins with changelings. Not many soldiers can claim to have combat experience." "Never heard of those. What are they?" "Diamond dogs are bipedal dogs, almost look like you. Anyway, they live underground mostly and mine for gems, but occasionally come to the surface to kidnap ponies and occasionally griffons." Shining explained "Changelings look similar to ponies, but look more insect-like. They have solid colored eyes, fangs, their wings are more like an insect's than a bird's and their legs have holes in them." He continued "But their main ability is being able to disguise themselves. For all you know I could be one." "You better not be or I'll blow your head off Shining." I said "Trust me, at this range my trenchgun will take your head clean off." The drive was pretty uneventful, the path to and from the city and base wasn't cleared, so there were some snow drifts but nothing I couldn't handle. I saw a stone wall and some guard towers come into view, plumes of smoke lazliy glided away. I pulled up in front of a gate and Shining climbed out, I sat there mentally playing some Hendrix. Shining talked to one of the sentries at the gate, the other sentry left to get something. Shining and the other sentry kept talking, they probably know each other I assumed. The gate opened and Shining climbed back in. "Let's go." He ordered "Ay Ay Captain." "Ha-ha, follow Corporal Gale there to the train." He told me, I followed the pegasus guard. All around me guards stopped what they were doing and stared at me, some saluted Shining. We finally reached the train, it was a simple train, not that one made of gingerbread I see occasionally chug by the town. It had a passenger car and a flat bed car, with the ramp lowered. Instead having two 'prongs' stick out like a forklift, it was just one massive ramp. Makes my job easier. The deuce was on board and chained in place and my stuff was tucked away in the passenger car. "You coming aboard or you walking home?" I asked Shining "I'm coming with you, but Canterlot Station is my stop." "Fine by me, but I'm taking a nap on the way there. Im not a morning person." "You and me both." He said, as we settled in as the train began to roll down the tracks. I began to feel sleepy as the train gently rocked from side to side. I woke up with a start, liking you feel like you're falling, but your not. I looked around, still on the train with Shining passed out across the table from me, mouth wide open, some of his hair in his mouth that he would occasionally lick with his tongue. I couldn't resist and silently took a picture with my phone. I looked out the window, we were pulling into the station, perfect timing. The doors slid open and six ponies walked in, I motioned for them to be quiet and pointed at Shining. They all stifled their giggles, except for Fluttershy who smiled at the scene. "I wish I had my camera with me!" Twilight whispered "I would hold this over his head." "Already ahead of you." I said pulling out my phone and showing them the picture. They all laughed a little louder at the immortalized moment. "Wow! That picture is so clear! How is that possible?" Twilight asked, eyes widening out of curiosity "Well uhhhhh, I'm not really sure, but if helps when I get home I can print you a picture of this." I said, her ears folded a little from my lack of an answer, but perked up with giving her a copy of this. "You would? Really!" She half-yelled causing the sleeping stallion to wake. "Huh? Wha?" He looked around frantically before realizing where he was. "Glad to see your awake hun." Cadence said, poking her head in the car. Shining stood up and shook his head to remove any last bits of sleep and said his goodbyes. "Now what?" Dash asked "Beats me." I said "But I'm going to make sure the deuce is secured nice and tight." I decided I had to come up with a name for it eventually. "Boy howdy!" Applejack exclaimed "Ya sure do love that contraption of your's don't ya?" "You bet your hat. Yoink!" I said as I snagged her hat and ran off, laughing away. It was a little tight, but it sat well. "Come back here ya varmint!" She yelled and followed me out the car. A small crowd surrounded the truck, talking about it. I cleared my throat and they opened up a path for me and by default, Applejack. I tossed her hat to her and she took off. The crowd began to talk about me instead, fine by me I'll never see them again. I did a quick look over of the chains, giving them a quick tug to make sure they were tight. The crowd had shrunk by quite a lot, it some still lingered. "I still don't think THAT CREATURE should work on the railroads!" A stallion exclaimed to his friends, he was slightly overweight and had an all white coat and hair with a similar color of Rarity's, but had a lighter shade mixed in. The weirdest part of him was is outfit, it looked like he was wearing a jogging suit, but only the top. "I disagree with you old sport, he's certainly more nimble than either of us, besides those claws of his are quite a sight." Said his friend, he was all white with a well styled mane and French mustache. His clothing screamed class; the top part of a tux, a monocle and a top hat. "Perhaps, I still think it's weird they use bald monkeys for that kind of work. I'm afraid I have to leave you know Fancy Pants." His fat friend said, I ducked my head in the back to let out a snort at his name. "You too Mr. Stripes." Fancy said, I couldn't tell if his first name was Mr. or not. How would that even work? He walked over to a bench and took a seat, maybe he was waiting on someone from another train? I checked the time real quick, 8:28 plenty of time to say thanks to him or something like that. On second thought I really don't know how to start that conversation. 'Thanks for dealing with your asshole friend for me. By the way, I can talk!'. I kept tinkering with the truck, I really needed to name it. Amber will do, after the girl I had a crush on. "Are you ready darling?" Rarity called out "In a minute, but the train can start rolling if necessary!" I called out poking on the back of it. I stood a glance at Fancy Pants from the corner of my eye, he had a look of recognition and surprise. "Rarity?" "Fancy Pants?" They looked at each other with each other with surprise. "All aboard!" Someone called out "I'm sorry Fancy Pants, but I'm afraid we'll have to catch up at a later date." Rarity said "That's alright Miss Rarity." He said, bid her good day and walked off. Rarity and I began to walk back to the car. "Who was that?" I asked "An old friend, he's the pony to know in Canterlot!" She replied "I don't know him, but I know the Princesses. How far does that get me?" I asked her She giggled at my remark "I'm afraid you'll have to do better than that here darling." She said as we got on the train and left. Author's Note I'm going on vacation from the 21st to the July 1st, so no new updates for a while For some reason the part with the ... fell drowsy... appears normal while in edit mode but is messed up while reading it.
