Walls. Four of them. Four bland walls of white. Enclosing every side without any breaks or cracks. There was a ceiling, too, and a floor just to make the picture look complete and secure. Four blank white walls, a blank white ceiling, and a floor, just as blank and white, and that was all she had ever known.
The rest were just things that happened in Sleep that she didn’t understand. It wasn't a very exciting life to be sure, but then excitement hadn't been allowed her. She was deprived of a great many things besides excitement: Want, Happy, Trust, even Light and Food on occasion, if she misbehaved. And she only knew Light because it was what helped with See, and she only knew Food because it somehow helped with Hungry. There wasn't much beyond Light, Food, Hungry, and See, that she knew about, except for those four white walls, the floor, and the ceiling.
Silence was broken by a bing. The Bing heralded the routine. and that meant Pain was imminent.
She made her way to a corner of the white room and waited for The Pain to come. It was not Light, it was not Food, it was not Hungry, it was not See. Hungry could become Pain, but not in the same way. Hungry did not fill her head with blurry images of things from her sleep. Hungry did not burn or chill her to her core, only The Pain reached so far inside of her. Hungry was not an unending thing like this Pain.
This Pain was something that lingered. She could not describe it with any words she knew. Even things like “hungry” and “searing” couldn’t get it right. In the past she had learned quickly how bad it could get, how much worse it could be if she misbehaved. When she failed to behave it was always worse, so she always stood in her corner obediently and waited for The Pain to pass. Today was no different.
She stood still, eyes closed to make it easier to bear, patiently waiting for Pain. Nothing happened. Silence was all she heard. No sounds of others in the room, no smells of others, no food, nothing. This made something new bubble up inside her. It felt like she was covered in thousands of tiny Pains, it gave her the urge to rub herself all over. To rub away the thousands of mini Pains the made her skin crawl and hair stand on end.
This new thing, she dubbed it Itchy. A word that came from her subconscious unbidden. Her hooves itched, her body, her gut. This was wrong, different. It made her dance in place and rub against the wall in front of her. Part of her wanted to break away from the routine and move out of the corner so she could roll on the floor, gnaw on her skin, anything to satisfy the terrible itch. This was a desperate battle, follow routine or risk worse Pain by stepping out of the corner to roll around the floor to ease the Itchy.
The Bing happened, so the Pain should have followed and now she was itchy. Itchy and desperate for it to stop. The Bing then the pain but no, it hadn’t happened in that order and this made her itchy. No, this was more. This new something made her stomach churn. It put her on edge, like there was a predator nearby ready to take down it’s next meal. This was more than itchy.
From her mind fuzzy images bubbled up and brought a word with them. This was a word from the bad sleep images. Uneasy. This was Uneasiness. The lack of routine had given birth to Unease. If there was no routine, no pain to let her know she was doing right then what was she supposed to do. This train of thought made her stomach flip, and filled her with Unease. She didn’t like this, this was wrong.
This bad feeling, this Unease, maybe it wouldn’t follow her, maybe it was just in this corner. She ambled over to the other side of the room and stood obediently. No. She shook her head and shifted her weight back and forth and snorted through her nose.
Quickly she moved back to the other corner. The wrongness still followed but at least here Pain wouldn’t be worse because she was on the wrong corner. She closed her eyes tightly and nickered loudly as the feeling got worse. What was wrong, where was Pain?
A sound, a clanking whirring sound. Her eyes grew wide and her muscles went rigid. Strands of her mane whipped around her head as she she dropped down and pressed herself into the corner. Maybe if she could get further into the corner things would be normal. Closer, closer to the routine.
Her ears twitched and nostrils flared. What was this? With caution she shifted her head and peaked behind her. The wall was broken. No longer white it was now white and black. A square of inky blackness stood in the middle of her white wall and something about it called to her. Slowly she lifted herself up, her ears flicking back and forth like antennas scanning for danger around her.
The clop of her hooves echoed in the silence that hung in the air like a fog, clouding her mind but sharpening her sense of smell. The strange square seemed less and less threatening the closer she got. Something inside it filled her nose and made her feel...warmer. A scent that made her chest swell and the danger of this change smaller, less.
The square stood in front of her now, how had she gotten so close? No not how, why? Her nostrils flared, the smell. This change was good, not bad. Something rolled away from her hoof as she stepped through into a new room, a bigger room. She paused to investigate what her hoof had hit. It smelled like Pain but it wasn’t acting like it and there was another smell that was even stronger the smell she was familiar with. Why was Pain out here not in the corner where she had been?
She would have stayed to ponder this longer but the beckoning smell had faded and in it’s place the wrongness of things was returning. The smell would save her from the change, she needed to find it again. She lifted her nose and sniffed to her left then her right. Stronger to her left. She turned and the sound of her hooves echoed around her again. Fear was gone, the smell pulled at her and it gave her purpose, a way to ignore that everything was wrong.
She met a wall but two new long expanses appeared on either side of her. Part of her wanted to go left, but left was unknown and scary. Also she was not allowed Want and so she listened to the part of her that knew what to do. Turning away from the hallway of Want and even further from routine she followed the smell. The warmth the smell filled her with she could trust, not an unknown Want.
With a small skip she moved towards the right and something thumped gently against her hoof. Nudging it around with her nose she found that it smelled fine and reminded her of something else, it reminded her of a something from the Sleep, it made her chest tighten painfully. Confused she sniffed and nudged the object some more, it smelled of Comfort and Warmth and made her think of Food. She paused for a moment, Comfort and Warmth, she knew those but from where. Carefully she nibbled the object while she tried to understand the new words. As she bit into it the strange thing released something that caused her to pause and all other thoughts to flee her mind.
This new thing was full of something that washed over her senses and set them abuzz. It had aspects of water but also of food. She rolled it around her mouth, eyes closed as she savored this new wonderous food. Too soon her bite was finished and so she took another bite, a light knicker passing her lips as the new Food’s flavor swelled through her bringing all sorts of things into her mind. As she finished the apple she sighed wistfully and sniffed around for more, traveling down the hallway in her search.
This new food deserved a name and so did what it filled her with, perhaps Sweet and the second one was harder. She moved her tongue around, savoring the linger taste of the Sweet as she considered the other thing that Sweet filled her with. It made her lips curl up and her breath feel, fresher. She felt lighter, like each bite of Sweet made the pain inside her just a little less. Finally it came to her, the name for this new thing that Sweet filled her with, Happy. She liked that, this new round food was Sweet Food, she liked it more than the normal Food, and it made her Happy.
She pondered for a moment on Comfort and Warmth as she savored this new taste she had been given, they were unfamiliar to her but they sounded right. These were words she had known but locked away because before they had only made her chest tight. Before those words had conjured sleep images of fuzzy shapes that caused her heart to ache strongly for something she couldn’t place. Now though, with Sweet Food and the familiar smell Comfort and Warmth didn’t make her heart hurt, instead the made it swell. Since Sweet Food and the change in Routine she had begun to feel lighter.
All these changes, these deviances from Routine, she liked them, it was scary but so much better than Routine. She sniffed the air and followed the smell that gave her new things again.
Suddenly she was confronted by even more new things but they smelled like Pain. She whinnied at them in fear and suddenly two loud bangs echoed down the hall. The owners of the Pain smell fell to the floor and that strange smell from outside her room filled her nose again.
This was a bad smell, where was the other one, the good one. She started prancing about trying to find the good scent but all she could smell was the bad one, it permeated the air and her mind and it brought the Unease back.
Suddenly something touched her back and she lashed out. Two solid thuds followed by a third and she bolted away. This was wrong, where was the good smell. Was she being punished for breaking Routine? That was it, she had misbehaved.
Suddenly she had an idea, she just needed to behave again. Quickly she found a corner and stood still in it, her back facing the hall. With this the Routine would resume and things would be right.
As she stood there she smelled the good smell again, it was getting stronger. This was good, she must have done good. A hand rested on her withers and she was encompassed in the warmth f the scent. This was good, she liked this touch more than The Pain. This touch was Warm like the smell, Comforting like the smell, it was Safety, something else new to be examined. She nickered softly and moved towards the touch, bumping into something. Turning her head back she saw the source of the good smell. He was tall like the Pain but skinnier and he didn't wear anything over his face. An object was presented, it smelled like Sweet Food, she happily took it. This was much better than the other Routine.
A few sounds reached her ears and she looked up at the good smell. He tilted his head and began walking, she followed happily. This Routine was much better than the others, it made something inside her flutter. A hand appeared in her face and she paused as the the Sweet Food Giver—she liked that name—turned the corner and two loud bangs echoed out. She jumped forward around the corner and cowered against the Sweet Food Giver. He felt safe and he smelled of Warm and Comforting. His hand ruffled her mane and they continued down the hall.
It wasn't long before they paused and a large reptile lumbered from a hole in the wall to their left. The mare pressed against the Sweet Food Giver and stared at the reptile. Something about him scared her but another part hurt looking at him while it reached for her. He was colored like her, they matched sort of. The reptile snorted and a green heat issued from his muzzle before he turned and lumbered in front of them. The Sweet Food Giver followed without hesitation so she followed as well.
They reached the halls end and a ding sound issued out. The mare knew this sound, it was feed time. As soon as the wall opened she darted in only to find there was no food. Turning around she saw the Sweet Food Giver offer more of the Sweet Food as he stepped in with her.
As she took the Sweet Food the room suddenly moved and she whinnied loudly, rearing up on her hind legs. Her eyes flicked around the room and her ears went flat, this was not right, rooms were supposed to be still. A hand on her neck and soothing sound made her look around until she saw the Sweet Food Giver. Dropping down she leaned against him shaking and his fingers tangled in her mane as he whispered comforting sounds to her. Just as quickly as it had begun the room stopped and another feed alert sounded. The mare’s ears shot up and she pranced, waiting for the doors.
As the doors opened the room was flooded with smells and something bright. It was unlike anything she had experienced in her captivity. It made her insides hurt but also made them beat strongly. She was confused but followed the Sweet Food Giver timidly as he stepped out. A gentle breeze tussled her mane and brought a sweet smell with it. The air was warm and open, this was right. This was more right than anything the mare could ever remember experiencing. She wanted to run, go as fast as she could and as far as she could without stopping. No, not wanted, she needed to get as far from this place as she could.
The Sweet Food Giver approached a strange box and pulled something to reveal the box to be hollow. He motioned into it and the mare timidly approached. He helped her into the box and gave her another Sweet Food. This was smaller than the room she was from but it wasn't scary. It smelled completely of him and it calmed her. Laying on the soft cushion she nickered softly as she felt her eyes drift close. A loud roar sounded out but she was safe, everything was new and exciting but she didn’t need to worry as long as he was around. The world seemed to move then it settled and she felt something new in her. She was Content and to her this was the best feeling. Somehow the Sweet Food Giver had taken her from the bad place and was taking her to the right place. Her sleep images this time hurt a little less.
~ ~ ~
The soft rhythmic thumping of her hooves on the ground filled her head as she ran as fast as she could between the large brown columns topped with a layer of green. This new place that Caregiver had taken her was amazing. For a while she had been confused and afraid by the lack of routine but it had passed quickly.
Caregiver had taken her to this new place and shown her a new type of wall that she wasn’t allowed past but it was a lot smaller and she could see to other side. It really wasn’t a wall like before, just short round poles with large spaces between them. Caregiver had been upset when she crossed them before so even though it felt bad being trapped again she trusted Caregiver. She liked this room more too because in between the green ceiling in some places she could see another bluer ceiling.There was no routine in this room either. No Pain or punishment. Caregiver was so much better than those things and so was his room.
Once she had tried to get the routine to return after the bump on her head had started catching on things but he had refused to adhere to routine. At first it had confused her but something inside her was overjoyed to know that Pain was gone. Sure she sometimes hurt herself running but Caregiver was always really gentle and cared for her until the hurt went away. Everything about this new place was amazing, she felt Happy even without Sweet Food or Caregiver around.
Today was one of the day's Caregiver was away and she had a rare amount of courage. A while ago she had found a smaller room inside her larger room that was full of Caregiver’s scent but she had been afraid to go near it. It was small like her old room and even though it smelled so inviting the thoughts of her old room made her run away from it. She knew how to get in and out from watching Caregiver so today after she had seen him leave she made up her mind.
Timidly she stepped onto the porch towards the door. The sky was hidden from her now but that was okay, she could leave at any time to see it again. The click of something in the door sounded like the old bing of routine to her as she twisted the strange metal part of the door. Inside the room her nose was inundated with traces of Caregiver. It was everywhere around her like a soothing blanket wrapping around her and protecting her from the monsters in her mind.
The muscles in her face twitched near the corners of her mouth and she wanted to run around and touch everything. It was so new, so full of him. Images from the sleep blossomed in her mind bringing a new word with it, Giddy. Like a foal in a new place she was giddy, she wanted to explore.
Two faces surfaced in her mind as she neared a soft squishy surface that sat near a table in the first room. A blue face and a white face, Safety is what they brought with them. The smell that surrounded her and made her giddy also made her feel safe. This place was safe because it was Caregiver’s.
She followed her nose around the room, examining everything she could find. Most of it she didn’t know but sometimes a word would bubble up that she could use to describe it. Table, Couch, Pillow, Bookcase. The last one held her attention for a little longer than the rest. Something about it made another white face swim through her mind. Her mane had so many colors and her smile was strong and knowing. It made her think of Caregiver in a lot of ways but Caregiver was different somehow. Both made her chest feel funny but different funnies.
She shrugged and moved around the room again until she came to stairs. Her old room hadn’t had these and now that she was allowed Want she wanted to go up them. She tripped several times before she reached the top without having to start from the bottom again, a fact she was very proud of. A hallway greeted her, it went off to her right. The smell of Caregiver wasn’t as strong in the hall but one of the doors almost made her think he was right on the other side even though she knew he was gone.
Curious she opened the door and found a room with a single raised platform in the middle. There were some things along the wall but the platform took up most of the room and there was so much of Caregiver coming from it she almost believed he was there waiting for her. With abandon she trotted across the room and hopped onto the bed. Yes this was a bed and it was Caregivers. A smile wrapped her face as she wrapped herself in the sheets and the aroma of Caregiver. She whinnied lightly as her eyes closed and she drifted off into her sleep images.
Her sleep images were suddenly banished by the sound of something slamming. She jumped straight up and fell over tangled in the sheets. The thumping sound of her heart filled her ears as she started to panic. What if he found her? What if he got angry? She was going to be in so much trouble.
She tried to hide under the sheets and Caregiver’s scent filled her nose. Instantly she began to calm down, the thudding sound of her heart died down and her breathing returned to normal. Caregiver didn’t get angry, maybe a little disappointed but he was never angry. Carefully she untangled from the nest of sheets and dropped from the bed.
Ever so cautiously she managed to make it down the stairs and towards the only other door in the first room from outside. Inside was the strong scent of food but she couldn’t see any. Caregiver stood over the counter staring at something that made an odd sizzling sound. She dropped down and slunk over the floor out of Caregiver’s sight and waited till his back was turned. Quickly she jumped up and put her hooves on the edge of the counter.
A strange black circle issued forth the smell of food and the strange sound. A bit of drool dribbled down her chin and she felt someone wipe it away. Caregiver made his strange sounds again and she realized he was behind her. Stumbling away from the counter she fell backwards only for Caregiver to catch her. He seemed to be in a good mood today, She smiled at him when he pointed to the corner and took a place in it, watching him while he did whatever it was he was doing to the food.
Finally it was ready and Caregiver motioned to the table for her to join him. He helped her into a chair and she saw the food was still steaming. Without a second thought she shoved her face into the bowl and starting devouring the delicious smelling meal. Much like Sweet Food had conjured new feelings and images so did this strange dish of long soft strands with a tomato sauce full of vegetables and spices.
Images of two older ponies, one white and one blue, swam through her mind and she couldn’t help but giggle at the scene that played across her mind. She didn’t understand it but somehow she knew it was a time when she was little. Bits of the pasta flew around the room and flecks of the sauce got everywhere and she was overjoyed. Pulling away from the pasta she felt something on her cheek, something wet.
Caregiver, ever kind Caregiver, stood up and moved around the table. Her face was full of confusion, she couldn’t understand what was going on. Inside, it felt tight and wrong, like something was missing. She leaned over and pressed against Caregiver prompting him to wrap his arms around her. A new word, that’s what she needed. Something to explain why her body felt so tight, why her stomach was bubbling inside her.
Unbidden sounds started to spill from her with the strange wetness that trailed down her cheeks. Why was everything so wrong? Was she wrong? Caregiver offered his soothing sounds and stroked her as feelings gushed out of her in sound and the things that came out of her eyes. Nothing was right but she was safe is what she felt from Caregiver.
Slowly she fell asleep in his arms and Caregiver moved her to the couch before going back to clean up. She couldn’t see it but Caregiver threw everything from the table with an angry howl before breaking the table by slamming his fists down on it. By the time morning came all evidence of it would be gone and things would return to normal once again. And sometime during the night there would be storm and Caregiver’s charge would join him in his bed out of fear and he would still comfort her before letting himself cry over what had happened to her.
~ ~ ~
The mare shifted slightly, settling deeper into the soft cool earth of the forest floor. She looked up between the trees at the sun that hung high up in the sky. This marked the fortieth time it had reached that point since she had figured out that it was a good way to keep track of time. Leaning over she put a scratch in the tree bark with the bone on her head that was almost fully regrown.
Contentment turned the corners of her mouth up as she stared at the marks she had made. From her hollow between the tree roots she turned to look at the cabin Caregiver lived in. Things had been so good lately. Caregiver seemed happier and even though she didn’t understand yet she knew something about her had changed to. She had come into a new word a few cycles of the light and dark ago, this was life, a happy life.
Between running through the trees and staying the cabin with Caregiver she had a happy life. Her wings had grown back, and her horn. She liked her wings the most out of the two. To her there was nothing quite like the feel of the wind ruffling them or the feel of Caregivers gentle fingers preening them for her. Sadly though neither of her new appendages had much use to her, she just didn’t know what to do with them. Sometimes she felt something, something inside her that was trying to reach her horn but the feeling usually quickly faded.
The sound of Caregiver’s strange box roared through the forest and she saw it pass between to trees and come to a stop near the cabin. Her musings now interrupted she stood up and moved to greet him. Nostrils flaring her face twisted in confusion. There was a strange smell coming from Caregiver as he stepped out of the box. She knew all his smells, when he was happy, or sad or uncertain but this one was knew and it brought up memories of the time he had saved her.
Closing her eyes she sniffed a few more times as she tried to place this new thing coming from Caregiver. Unease, he was feeling uneasy. Suddenly she was scooped up into his arm and he rushed her into the cabin.
Nestled in his embrace she could feel him shaking slightly as they settled onto the couch. His fingers were stiff as he ran them through her mane and he seemed to be making noises under his breath. The feeling of Unease slowly settled over her as well and she scooted closer to Caregiver. Why was this happening now, now after she had finally started to learn happiness?
She heard it before Caregiver, the sound of more boxes approaching the cabin. Using her muzzle she pushed against Caregiver and whinnied while motioning to the door with a wing. Caregiver stiffened and pulled something from his hip as he stood. Loud angry noises came from outside and the thing Caregiver had taken from his hip was pointed at the wall.
Caregiver replied with his own angry sounds. Silence fell and suddenly there were several loud bangs. Before she could process everything she was scooped up and rushed through the door were Caregiver paused and more bangs rang through the forest. Caregiver made a beeline for the car keeping the mare pressed to his chest and the mare burrowed into chest in fear.
She shook clung to him tightly. Everything was coming apart. How could this have happened? What had she done wrong? Suddenly her carrier stumbled and she felt his grip loosen. What just happened, had she missed something? The door of Caregivers box was flung open and she stuffed inside. More loud bangs and Caregiver entered the box.
In fear the mare tried to get his attention only to pull away in shock. His shoulder was wet and smelled horrible. Laying down she tried to scrap the smell away with her hooves as the box came to life. The smell was over powering her and that strange feeling swelled inside her but was ignored. She needed to get rid of the smell, it blocked out the smell of Caregiver and she needed to know he was there, needed to smell the comfort and safety that he smelled of. A hand reached back and rubbed her withers. It comforted her but the fear wouldn’t go away.
They had been found once, what was to stop it from happening again?
~ ~ ~
Since losing the last home so much had changed. She’d found a new word for the passing of lights and darks, days and nights. It had come to her during a dream about the multicolored mane pony and another pony that had a similar mane only it looked like the night sky instead of several colors. During the same dream is when she had learned the word dream, it seemed to apply to the pony with the sky for a mane somehow.
Her favorite change though was how much time she spent with Caregiver. Their new home was backed by a large grey wall and the front faced a canyon filled with trees. Caregiver rarely left her now and instead tended to a small garden, which he was currently tending while she watched. She liked watching him work, it made the orange mare from her dreams drift around her mind.
Sometimes though, instead of it being quiet, the large reptile that matched her colors would rest nearby. He never seemed to look at her for long and if she pretended not to notice his face was sad but if she let him know she was looking his face was impassive. The worst part though was how he always made the same sound when he saw her and how that sound made her chest tight and eyes wet.
She wasn’t positive but she was pretty sure the word was Twilight, though she couldn’t be sure why she thought that. Somehow she just knew that was the word and because Caregiver said it sometimes she had decided to claim it. They had given it to her by using it around her all the time so it only seemed proper. Her word was Twilight and Caregiver’s was Caregiver’s, she still didn’t have a word for the lizard though.
She looked at Caregiver, he was busy with her favorite part of the garden, carrots, so it would probably be okay if she left for a bit. Her back popped as she stretched and stepped out from the shade of the tree. Nostrils flaring she searched the air for the scent of the her target. She knew that the grey wall was where he usually came from so that was the direction she headed while looking for his smell.
Maybe he could give her even more words than just one for him. No one here would punish her for wanting so maybe she could get even more words from him. That sounded really nice to her. Get as many words as she could from the lizard, make Caregiver happy. A smile worked it’s way onto her mouth as she walked and thought about making Caregiver happy. He always loved it when she showed curiosity and want, and that in turn made her happy. Making him happy made her happy.
Her thoughts came to a halt when she picked up the smell of the lizard and followed it to a dark cave entrance. At first it scared her, it reminded her of the hole that had appeared in the wall of her room so long ago. Inky blackness yawning before, threatening her with change again. Her mane flapped back and forth and she huffed. Change wasn’t bad, there was nothing to fear from it. Without it she wouldn’t know Caregiver, wouldn’t be allowed everything she had gotten since the first change.
Resolutely she made her way into the cave and was instantly assaulted with an overbearing heat. Sweat almost immediately began matting her fur and it only got worse the deeper she went. To distract herself she looked around at the walls. Smooth grey stone, unnaturally smooth really, maybe the lizard had done something to them. The floor was oddly smooth too, nothing jutting out to trip over but still rough enough to keep your footing.
Without warning she stepped passed the wall and into a massive chamber. The walls rose into darkness above and curved away from her, though she could see the other side of the room. In the middle lay the large purple lizard, radiating heat with each exhale. Behind the lizard sat a pile of stuff, mostly books but also a few random bits and pieces.
The lizard was sleeping, something she knew how to deal with quite well. She stepped up to the lizard and poked him, just like she did when she needed Caregiver to wake up. Her hoof poked the lizard's nose again, he was more stubborn than Caregiver about waking up. With a snort she poked even harder and the lizard jolted awake, his head whipping around looking for what poked him.
His gaze fell to the small purple mare who sat in front of him smiling innocently. A puff of green flame flickered out of his nose as he huffed and lowered his head. The mare pointed to herself and said Twilight, or tried as best she could. It wasn’t pronounced perfectly but the meaning was clear. She then pointed to the lizard and cocked her head inquisitively.
“Spike.” The lizard motioned to himself. “Spike.” He repeatedly it carefully enunciating the word.
Twilight’s hoof dropped and she mumbled the word a few times. “Spike.” She said it loudly and pointed to the lizard. “Twilight.” She tapped her hoof to her chest and smiled. “Spike,” motioning to the lizard, “Twilight.” Tapped herself again.
Spike grinned widely and nodded vigorously. Twilight watched and smiled confidently. She got it right. She was Twilight and he was Spike. The urge to jump up and down came over and so she did. Back and forth a few times in front of Spike before settling down and putting to something else.
It continued like that for a while, minus the jumping though. Twilight would point to something and Spike would give her the word. They quickly ran out of things and so Spike brought out a book and began using that to try and teach her. Twilight was so completely absorbed by what she was doing she failed to notice as Caregiver came in and stood at the Cave entrance watching her.
Finally he stepped into the cave and the cave echoed as he cleared his throat. Twilight jumped up startled and then ran over to Caregiver. Caregiver dropped down and smiled at her. “Twilight?”
She nodded as she spoke, “Twilight,” and tapped a hoof to her chest. Then she reached over to Caregiver and put her hoof on his chest. “Caregiver.”
The cave fell completely silent. For several moments nothing happened then suddenly Caregiver pulled Twilight into a tight hug and buried his face in her neck. He didn’t say anything just held her tight.
That strange fluttering in her chest came back when he hugged her. She loved this feeling, his strong arms wrapped around her. For a while she was lost in the embrace but then she realized he was holding her tighter than usual, and longer. “Caregiver happy?”
Twilight felt Caregiver nod into her neck before pulling away with a large smile on his face. At first she was confused, his face looked a little wet. This was new, she did not know what this was. Wait, no Spike had given her a word for this. “Tear?” Twilight looked at the drop of wetness, no tear, in confusion. Spike had said it meant sadness but she was positive Caregiver was happy so why was there tears on his face. She shook her head and looked back at Caregiver who was still beaming at her, there was still so much for her to learn but for now she knew learning words would help and make Caregiver happy.
~ ~ ~
Twilight trotted into the house, the rain had come again while she was out. She liked the rain, it felt good against her fur and wings. Spying Caregiver she moved quickly towards the kitchen. “Caregiver, make food?”
Caregiver smiled and nodded. “Yes Twilight.” He ruffled her mane, one of her favorite things he did.
Twilight liked life. Since she had learned words from Spike she had suddenly begun to understand things differently and it made her happy. She now knew the sleep images were dreams, and the ponies in the dreams where ponies she used to know. She still didn't know what had happened but just knowing made the pain less. It felt good to remember that these ponies were close, though it still hurt because she wanted them to meet Caregiver too.
So many things were better now, even though there was much she still didn't know and trying to know the past still hurt her. She hoped it would never end, that things would go on like this forever. She knew what she wanted, she wanted to live with Caregiver and Spike like this until the end. It felt nice to be allowed Want, to be allowed to Live.
Twilight smiled at her inner thoughts and moved to the room with the couch. She loved the couch, it was soft and smelled like Caregiver. She closed her eyes and let the dreams come while she waited for Caregiver to finish dinner. Her nap was interrupted as Caregiver crashed into the room and covered her. Twilight was confused for a moment but then heard voices as a door slammed open.
Understanding was still something she struggled with, she knew the words but not the meaning. They shouted, her word and many others that she knew were about her somehow. Their voices were loud, scary, they sounded like the sound the light flashes made at the old place. The ones Spike told her were thunder and lightning. That’s what the room seemed to be filled with, thunder and unease. She curled into a tight ball and whimpered, why wasn’t Caregiver helping her, what was happening?
Suddenly the thunder died down, the voices were quiet. She heard Caregiver using a tone she had never heard. Things were wrong, the storm hadn’t passed, only calmed for moment. Suddenly a new thunder rang out, the thunder she remembered from the bad place. The smell, the sound and the tension in the room brought her back to the bad place again. She leapt from the bed to find a corner, to bring routine back like before but froze.
Caregiver was hunched over, the plip plip of rain against the floor was all she could hear. Little drops of red fell from Caregiver to the floor. Another clap of thunder and Caregiver staggered backwards towards her. The smell of iron filled her nose and a new feeling blossomed inside her. The new feeling brought with it new thoughts. Pieces of understanding, pieces of the past. The feeling grew stronger and colder as her mind filled with snippets of the past.
Her fury was cold. It frosted over her mind, clouding it as it creeped deeper and deeper into her. It inched all the way to her core where it found a blazing fire. The fire raged hot and wild, taming and pushing back against the cold pit of fury that formed before it. In an instant the ice cold fury was shattered by the burning hatred it had found buried within her. Like a wildfire is swept through her radiating out from within her and into the world with a primal bellow. Hatred, rage, anger, fury, they echoed around her as the rage pooled beneath her horn where it smoldered for but an instant. Her eyes snapped open and the rage was flung out into the world, falling around her and Caregiver in a purple dome that crackled and hissed with the rage that had fueled it.
They screamed their words and her words in surprise before their weapons lit up the world with noise and smoke but Twilight saw none of it. She had closed her eyes, trying to hold all the new feelings inside her at bay. Her hatred and rage screamed for the lives of the ones before her. Another voice, calm and soothing, begged her to forgive them. Like to sides to war they battled for supremacy, to be heard and understood but they were ignored. As they screamed Twilight could only see the crimson drops that fell from Caregiver to floor below him.
Why, why was this happening to her now? Life had been good. Life had been happy. Now the bad men were back and Caregiver...Caregiver was silent. She turned her face to the sky and screamed. As though blown away by her scream the ceiling was torn away and Spike dropped to the floor, a fearsome roar rattling the small cabin as he landed.
Twilight lowered her gaze and watched as Spike’s green flames leapt angrily from the corners of his mouth as he growled at the men surrounding them. The first gout of fire consumed the couch, her favorite couch. Twilight briefly thought of all the good times she had on that couch snuggling up to Caregiver, how much of her time she had spent on it watching Caregiver. No remorse was felt as it was consumed by the flames and the one hiding behind it screamed in pain. A smile twisted her lips as she watched the fire envelope him and the smell of his death permeated the room. This was right and just. These men deserved death. Another spire of fire and more screams. Twilight felt like everything in her world would soon be right if the screams continued.
A gentle touch on her cheek snapped her from the rage and satisfaction of the men's deaths. The world around her faded away, it became nothing more than a background. She still heard Spike’s flames as they roared around her. Consuming the world she had come to love but all she could focus on was the hand on her cheek and the man lying at her hooves. He smiled up at her from his position and rubbed a tear away with his thumb. Slowly his eyes closed and the hand slipped away.
“Caregiver?” Twilight shook him a little. “Caregiver?” He kept not responding and that sharp smell filled her nose. Twilight's breathing increased. “Caregiver!?” She shook him harder and he didn't respond. She wiggled under his arm and hugged him. For a moment she was quiet as the lack of a heartbeat registered.
The anger returned but it was tempered, tempered with a sorrow so great it felt as though she was shattering from the inside out. She wanted to live together with Caregiver, somewhere far away from the bad men. She wanted Spike their to help her remember everything, to teach her new things. A buzzing sound filled her ears and still clutching Caregiver she lifted into the air. The wind whipped into a frenzy around her and Spike was pulled close as her eyes began to glow. With a mighty clap like thunder she shattered and the world around her vanished.
~ ~ ~
At first it was empty. The world was missing, darkness had taken it’s place and she felt alone. Slowly it began change, it started not with sight but with thought. Words began to filter through her head. Hundreds of words filled her mind. First words she knew, Caregiver, Twilight, Spike, Apple, Blood all words she knew but then more words, unfamiliar words. As the words trickled to an end understanding started to fill her.
The words she didn’t know were filled with meanings. This lead to ideas, to thoughts. Tears filled her eyes as understanding filled her. So many things, so many new and wonderful concepts filled her to bursting but Caregiver was gone, she could never share this with him. As the first tear fell the memories began.
Celestia standing over her and telling her she would teach her and she would attend Celestia’s School For Gifted Unicorns. She remember how happy she had been to hear those words, the joy and excitement of getting her cutie mark and being told by her idol that she would be learning from her was overwhelming. Time blurred and she was teenager at a cafe with her friends, her face buried in a book while her friends chatted. She suddenly jumped up with a cry of excitement and pardoned herself before bolting away.
Time skipped again and she was with her closest friends, Applejack, Pinkie, Rainbow, Rarity, and Fluttershy. Around them was an old derelict castle and laying before them was a small blue alicorn, Luna. They had come together and saved her from the control of Nightmare Moon. All the happy memories of time spent with her friends flashed across her mind filling her with unbridled joy and sadness.
The sadness was caused by what came later, after she had discovered the mirror. Other worlds, endless possibilities. She hadn’t been able to resist and dived into the research with gusto. After months and months she had cracked it. With Spike nearby she demonstrated the concept to Luna and Celestia only for it to go wrong and she was yanked into a new world, a world that would destroy her.
Caregiver, who she now knew was named Tom, had been the first one to find her. He had taken her in and given her a place to stay as she tried to understand what had happened but it hadn’t lasted. A team of scientists had abducted her from Tom’s home and taken her to the facility that she had called home for the next eight years before Tom rescued her.
Everything, every moment, every memory, it was all laid bare in her mind as power surged through her. Her magic reached deep inside of her and filled every inch of her. Tearing away the barriers she had built to protect herself from the horrors of what had happened to her and the pain of remembering how her life had been so long ago. The magic didn’t stop there though, it built a new wall, a wall she could see through but kept the pain of her captivity away.
As the magic slowly faded she felt whole again. Her mind had been rebuilt and she was Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Friendship once more.
~ ~ ~
Twilight's vision cleared and she fell a few inches to the stone floor of Canterlot Castle, Spike landing beside her. Tom lay limp in her front hooves and great wailing sobs filled the room. Nobles stared slack jawed and Celestia slowly rose from her throne. “Everyone out.” There was a brief pause before she glanced around the room at the nobles and guards. “Out!” Her voice was like a clap of thunder that seemed to shove everypony aside like leaves in the wind and as they made a hasty retreat to the doors. =Celestia slowly descended from her throne just as the doors slammed closed behind the final pony and crossed the room to Twilight. “Is it really you Twilight?”
Twilight looked up. “Save him Celestia. Please, save him.” Her eyes ran with torrents of tears as she beseeched her teacher and oldest friend to save the man who had worked so hard to give her back everything she had been and could be.
Celestia lowered herself beside Twilight and looked at the human she held so tightly. With great reverence she reached forward and closed his eyes. “I'm sorry. As powerful as I am there are still things I cannot do.” She looked Twilight in the eyes. “I am so sorry.”
Twilight buried her head in Tom's chest and her sobs grew louder. The whole castle grew still as her sobs echoed down the hallways and filled the castle with a sorrow greater than anything anyone had ever felt. Guards removed helmets and maids stopped their chores to lower their heads in respect. The animals in the garden all grew quiet and the guests reached for friends and loved ones seeking comfort. Celestia gently rested a wing over Twilight's back in a simple gesture of comfort.
~ ~ ~
Her friends and family had gathered. She could feel them looking up at her on the pedestal she had placed the marble stone she hewn from a far away mountain herself. She took a long deep breath, power gathering into her horn as she inhaled. The light from her horn began to pulse rhythmically and with each pulse the stone trembled in response.
The show lasted for several minutes and not a soul spoke as she worked. The wind did not blow, the birds did not sing and even the sounds of the city seemed to avoid were Twilight and her friends and family had gathered. With a final powerful pulse the power she channelled winked out and the stone grew still.
Twilight’s eyes opened and she began to sing a sorrowful song. She sang of the horrors she had witnessed and sorrows that the world had carved into her very soul. Suddenly her song shifted and it become one of joy and hope. The melody carried with it her memories of the man who had saved her, the man who had given his life so she might have one again. Finally she sang her goodbyes and as the song came to a close the marble shook one final time.
Like water running over a cliff the edges of the block fell away. As the dust came away a figure came into view. Twilight had carved the stone in likeness to her savior. He stood tall and proud, a kind and gentle smile curled his lips and somehow she had captured the love that had filled his eyes. It was arguably the most beautiful statue to have ever been placed in the gardens of Canterlot Castle.
As the final grains of stone settled Twilight turned away from the statue and the single twinkle of a tear as it fell to the ground caught everyone's eye. Sadness filled Twilight’s face as she took a heavy breath. “Thank you all for coming. I...I think it’s time I told you all a story. It’s not just my story though, it’s his as well.” She motioned to the statue behind her.
“He was, no I guess I should start with his name. His name was Tom. He was so many things. Kind, loving, loyal, strong, intelligent. Tom had the capacity for rage but also he had the capacity for unfathomable kindness. None of that to matters to me though. For me he was one thing. A savior.”
Twilight wiped away some tears and Spike ran up from the crowd. He was smaller now than he was in the other world but he still stood taller than Twilight and so he kneeled as he pulled her into a tight hug. In turn Twilight wrapped him in a tight hug and pulled what little strength she could from his gesture. Pulling away she thanked Spike before looking at her loved ones.
“When I was broken, shattered, by the things that had happened to me he came to my side. He stood by me and gave me a place to rebuild, to heal. To me he was an anchor, something to hold on in the worst moments. He gave everything to me. Tom left his family, his life, his entire world behind and all because he promised to save me.” Twin trails matted the fur on Twilight’s cheeks as she spoke and her voice choked. “I’m sorry, he, I loved him. He gave everything he could and more. This is his story, the story of the greatest man I have ever met and the only one I will ever love.”
Twilight laid down in the grass at the base of the statue and began to tell her tale. She told her friends and family everything. All the embarrassing moments and all the most horrible moments, she left nothing from the tale. The story dragged on long into the night. When the story finally finished everyone looked at the statue with a new sense of love. None of them had the words to say what they wanted to say to the man but none of them would ever forget what he had done for their friend. Celestia and Luna both stepped forward and gathered some of the grains of marble that had fallen after the stone was sculpted. Together their horns lit and the grains merged together into a plaque.
“Tom the Savior of Magic,” was all the plaque said and that was all it needed to say.
