[Insert 'High Horse' Sex Joke Here]

by Plagueboy23

Rating: mature
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Comedy, Random, Sex
Length: 1668

Anon has stoned sex with his favorite smoking pony pal.

After a few bowls of Equestrian weed, Anon is told by his stoner buddy Treehugger that his sexual chakras are blocked. Will Anon let Treehugger unblock his spirit, or will he succumb to the temptation of munchies instead?

Warning: If you haven't guessed by now, this story includes use of drugs (Marijuana). If that's a turn-off for you, turn back now. You've been warned.

Thanks, Ringmaster1336, for your awesome co-authoring skillz. :rainbowdetermined2:

Published 2016-03-07 23:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-03-07 23:50:01 UTC

Righteous

Treehugger’s living room filled with a large cloud of smoke as a bong rip could be heard, followed by a fit of powerful coughs. “Oh… fucking shit, T-Hugs!” Anon said between sputters and hacks, the large hit of otherworldly kush he took being too much for him to handle. Eventually he managed to replace the clump of thick weed smoke in his lungs with oxygen, which, to be honest, was barely any more clear of smoke than his last lungful was. “I’ve never smoked anything as powerful as this… is all the bud in Equestria this strong?”

Treehugger nodded with a lazy smile, her eyes reddened from the high she was currently riding along with her human friend. “Yeah, man. this strain is called ‘Thunderbuck.’ I grow it myself. It leaves a sweet taste in your mouth afterwards, it’s pretty righteous, huh?” She asked before taking a large hit from the joint in her mouth.

“Yeah…” Anon replied slowly, waiting almost a full minute before continuing his sentence, the high already coming in strong after only five minutes of smoking. “Hey… I guess your name is Treehugger for multiple reasons, huh?” He said with a few half-assed chuckles, putting extra emphasis on ‘Tree.’

“Whatcha mean, Anon?” Treehugger replied, pulling a bag of potato chips out from her saddlebag on the floor next to the couch they were currently lounging on.

“Y’know, like you have the obvious meaning of your name: you love nature and stuff. But then there’s this type of tree…” Anon replied, tapping the side of his bong’s bowl. “And instead of you hugging it… it like… ya know? Like, it hugs you… ya… ya know?” He started laughing a bit as he finished his sentence.
Treehugger also laughed lazily at this before responding. “Yeah, dude… I get whatcha mean. It’s the best feeling, like it can… Take you to a whole nother world. And, like, you’re flying over it, able to, like, see everything. But like, you can’t actually see it, it’s just like… there. In your mind. And instead of buildings and cars and sentient beings there’s like, thoughts, and... My auras are all like…. so mellow right now. Feels good, man.”

“My auras are… wait… what?” Anon replied, clearly not as experienced in expressing his thoughts while so unbelievably stoned. “Anyways… can I have some of those chips? I’m hungry.”

The dreadlocks-headed pony chuckled and tossed her human friend a bag of munchies. Once he started eating, she slowly asked him a question. “Hey, Anon… You’ve been in Equestria for about two years now, right?”

“Mhmmf…. God, so good…” He replied through a mouthful of munchies.

“You haven’t, like, mated with anypony since you got here, right?” She asked curiously.

“No… I, like… heheh…” Anon managed to get out before his small chuckles escalated slightly. After a few seconds he managed to control his laughter and finish answering his friend. “Yeah, no, I haven’t... Why?”

Upon hearing this, Treehugger's eyes widened slightly.”Whoa, man… That’s not good. It’s bad for your spirit to have your sexual chakras blocked for a long period of time.” With that, she got down on the floor, and sat between Anon’s legs, working down the zipper of his jeans with her teeth.

“T-Hugs… what’re you doing?” Anon asked, his eyes also widening slightly, though not really making an attempt to stop her from unzipping his jeans. At the moment, he couldn’t really tell where his feet were and his vision was slightly choppy.

“I’m gonna help you unblock your sexual energies, man. Just enjoy it.” She smiled up at him before working off his jeans and boxers with her teeth. She looked at his flaccid member for a moment before slowly licking the shaft.

“Ahh…” Anon gave what could barely be classified as any sort of protest before everything but his penis relaxed, his body melting into the couch as the green pony between his legs started to suckle on his shaft, which quickly grew to an erect six and a half inches of throbbing meat. Treehugger continued her oral treatment on his dick, suckling and licking harder the more he sighed and moaned in pleasure. Soon she took the head into her mouth and slowly bobbed her head.

“Fuuuuuck…” Anon moaned at a laboriously slow pace as he threw his head back, and after about a minute of stimulation and barely thoughtful wonder, he spoke out the first sentient thought that came to his mind. “Isn’t there an urban dictionary term for this kind of thing…?”

“Hmm?” Treehugger looked up at him with his cock still in her muzzle, humming onto his shaft and sending pleasurable vibrations through it, which caused his cockhead to swell and leak some precum, which the green pony gladly swallowed.

“Uhh… nevermind… human thing.” Anon dismissed before his hips twitched and shuddered in pleasure, his high only serving to amplify the vibrations and stimulation of his cock. One of his hands gripped the soft material of the couch cushions, which the other intertwined with Treehugger's dreadlocks and gently pushed her muzzle further towards his crotch. She quickly obliged, taking almost all of his cock into her throat, starting to blush as she moaned onto his shaft. Anon groaned and his hips gave a hard buck as she swallowed, her throat muscles massaging the head of his cock and extracting more precum as he neared his limit. “God… T-Hugs… Gonna cum!” He moaned out, losing sight of everything as his eyes rolled into his skull and his cock twitched spastically, shooting thick ropes of seed, two years worth of semen flowed almost endlessly into Treehugger’s throat, making her neck bulge slightly as it worked its way into her stomach.

After Anon’s orgasm finally petered out, Treehugger pulled off of his cock and swallowed what was in her mouth, before burping audibly. “Righteous~” She said in a carefree, but admittedly cute tone. “Humans taste stellar. A lot sweeter than stallions. Righteous~” As she said this, her marehood was dripping with excitement, as it had been a few months since she had gotten any action herself. “Y’know, If you wouldn’t mind, my chakras are a little blocked, too, man…” She said through a lazy smile. “And it looks like you’re not completely unblocked, either.” She added, tapping Anon’s still erect penis with her hoof. this elicited a small groan from her human friend. He picked up what she meant and nodded.

“Sure thing, T-Hugs. Lemme just…” He pulled her up onto the couch with him, and laid her on her back. He slowly slipped his rod inside her tight marehood and she elicited a moan, leaning her head back onto the soft cushion of her couch.

“Woah… this feels so righteous… much warmer than a pony.” She moaned out before gasping cutely as Anon sunk deeper inside her, her smaller pony frame squeezing his manhood tightly, begging for him to sink fully inside her.

And that is exactly what he did, getting a better grip on her hips before sliding his own pelvis forward, lodging his erect cock all the way inside her pony pussy. After that, he began to slowly thrust in and out repeatedly, each time earning himself a cute sound of pleasure from Treehugger’s lips.

Though they were probably fucking at an extremely slow pace, due to their highs it felt as if they were smashing their hips together at a speed that could’ve matched rabbits in heat, and after what felt like, and probably was, a half hour of “intense” fucking, both Anon and Treehugger felt their genitals tremble with piqued pleasure.

Their orgasms hit them both like a truck, operating under the assumption that Treehugger knew what a truck was, and as Anon slid all the way back inside Treehugger’s pussy one final time, grinding his hips slowly against hers, filling her with his semen as her vaginal walls clamped down on his cock, desperate to milk every drop of hot spunk from his balls.

Their climaxes lasted for what felt like several minutes, both of them twitching as Anon’s meat lurched repeatedly inside of Treehugger, and they each began to feel lightheaded as their heavy panting caused each of them to inhale lungfuls of weed smoke, strengthening their already stellar highs, and by the time they were each done wriggling in throes of orgasm, they were both double-baked.

Equestria’s favorite human slowly slid out of his pony friend, his cock now completely flaccid. He pulled his pants back up and laid back on the couch. “Man… That was fuckin’ awesome!” He chuckled as Treehugger quickly lit up another joint as she crawled over and laid on his chest, smiling lazily at him.

“Yeah, it was… Maybe we can do it again next time?” she asked with the same sloth-like, happy expression.

Anon chuckled as he thought of some sort of “getting of your high horse” joke, but he couldn’t think hard enough to formulate an understandable way to phrase it. Instead he pulled the cum-and-smoke-filled pony closer to him and kissed her gently on the lips and sucked her mouthful of smoke into his lungs, using her signature phrase as he pulled away and blew a smoke heart into the air. “Yeah, that’d be… righteous.”

Author's Note

Well, here it is, the pinnacle of my fimfiction career. My magnum opus, indeed. (Obvious sarcasm is obvious) Basically I just got bored enough to right a story about stoned human-on-pony sex. Are you proud of yourself me? Yes? Oh, okay. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. I hope that this has enough funny content to be considered a comedy. As always, I encourage you to check out my other stories and leave a thumbs up if you enjoyed.

Side note: Stoned Anon is weird to write, at least for me. Wasn't sure how to write his personality. Hopefully my attempts to make a realistic stoned Anon were successful.

Deuces, guys!