Excerpts of Idiocy

by cali-b

Rating: everyone
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Lyra, Bon-Bon, Fluttershy
Length: 1129

How can a few rainbow horses get into so many embarrassing, awkward, and wacky situations? These are short tales of their misadventures.

I had an idea one day - an idea that led me to take embarrassing events in my own life and give them to the ponies. This will be updated as I continue to make a fool of myself, and character tags will be added as the stories progress.

Published 2016-03-14 04:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2016-03-14 04:10:02 UTC

Bird Poop & Blabbering

"...and she thinks she knows so much about the fandom! I don't even know that much - seriously, go do some research!"
Fluttershy nodded and took another cracker. "I love her and all, but she can be sort of overwhelming at times. And sometimes it's hard to follow what she's sayi- Oh my Celestia!" She leapt off the picnic blanket, eyes glued to the sky.
"What? What happened?" Twilight looked in the direction her friend was staring so intently in. Nothing was blocking the view of the sunny blue sky, except for a group of birds just a few feet away from them.
"A bird just relieved itself and I'm not sure where it landed! On normal circumstances this would be perfectly fine, but right now I was not expecting it!" After one last scan of the blanket, she found nothing suspicious on it and sat down again.
Twilight shrugged, levitating a cracker into the air. She raised it to her mouth and let out a shriek, the cracker falling to the ground.
"Are you alright?"
She cleared her throat and muttered, "Fluttershy, I think I found where the bird scat landed."
"In the-"
"In the crackers." The alicorn sighed and stood up as she picked up the plate of crackers. "Shall we head back home to wash this plate off?"
"Definitely."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I still can't believe that just happened," Twilight said, opening the door to the castle. She walked to the kitchen with Fluttershy trailing behind.
"Are you sure you didn't eat the crackers after the whole...incident?"
"Yes! Yes, I'm sure." She couldn't help but begin to giggle as she thought about the whole thing. "That was pretty strange..."
"Yep, it's never leaving my memory. Never knew you could shriek like that, either!" she chuckled.
Twi turned on the faucet and held the plate underneath the running water, squirting a small mound of soap onto it. "Please don't bring that up ever again. Like the 'Forget About All That act' from that cartoon Spike and I watch."
Fluttershy watched her friend rinse the dish and set it on a drying rack. She nodded occasionally, as if to prove she was still listening.
"If anybody asks about the happenevents of the last few d- minutes...hours? Oh, dangit." She reached for a paper towel with clumsy hooves, but it ripped and she ended up rubbing a shred of paper up and down her hoof. "Nice."
The yellow Pegasus seemed a little unsure of what to do with the situation, her face remaining expressionless. The princess continued to fail at drying her forelegs, ending up with a pile of wasted paper the size of a small foal. Then it occurred to her that she had used her telekinesis to wash the plate.
She sighed, stuffing the towels into the trash. "Look, I just- Gugh, my brain is failing. I think I'm just gonna go lay on my bed for a while."
"I'll...I'll just show myself out."
"Y-You go do that."

The two mares went their separate ways, but something told Twilight to stop at the bottom of the stairs.
"Twilight?"
"Mhm?" she replied, turning back to face her friend.
Her mane covered most of her face, making her speech slightly muffled. "We're still on for brunch with Rarity tomorrow right?"
"Of course! We'll call it a...doo-over," she smirked.
"You're kidding me."
"Nope!"

Trying to touch my...

"Can I get one carrot dog, please? Heavy on the- Uff!" Lyra whipped around to glare at the pony that had touched her flank, only to find...no one. Aside from the mare a few hooves away, poking her head down an alleyway, the street was devoid of other ponies.
"You better run!" the mare called down the alley. "I'm comin' for ya! ...Eventually." With that, she turned and began walking toward the food cart. It was an earth mare with a cream colored coat and perfectly curled, dark blue and pink mane and tail. Her blue-green eyes seemed tired, and her hoofsteps were a little slower than usual. Lyra could've sworn she'd seen this mare around town before.
""Scuse me, miss? You gonna order or not?"
Lyra's attention was pulled back to the now-irritated pony behind the food cart. "Y-Yes. Um, one carrot dog with extra- Hey!"
"Not again! Get back here, you little... I'll...buy you a carrot dog?"
"Who in Equestria are you talking to?" Lyra asked the mare, who faced the unicorn with a confused expression.
"My friend's colt. She asked me to foalsit for the afternoon, and I had no idea he was such a nuisance! No wonder his mom wanted some alone time, am I right?"
The mare's goofy, slightly crooked, perfectly white smile wouldn't stop Lyra from further questioning. Much. "Likely story. Is that your excuse? I mean, come on, I've heard worse. You could at least give it to me straight."
"W-What do you mean?"
"Drop the act! It was you who touched my flank, was it not?"
"Um..." She hesitated. "Yes and no. The colt keeps darting around like a fish. He bumped into me and I...miiight've ended up bumping into your rear."
Lyra couldn't help but chuckle. "Alright, if that's your story." She cleared her throat, looking at the carrot dog pony again.
"But I'm..." She sighed. "Never mind."
"Finally! A carrot dog, extra relish, just a little mustard."
"That'll be eight bits."

The unicorn pulled the bits out of her saddlebags, leaning over to deposit them on the counter and grab her prize. She was so close! Suddenly she was nudged forward and sent the bits flying all over. "Ugggh, not again! Look, lady, I don't what you're getting at-"
The mare looked genuinely sorry, her hooves in a position that indicated she was ready to walk away. "I don't know if you choose to believe me or not, but this stinker right here did it." She pushed a foal in front of her with a hoof, apparently having caught the scoundrel.
"It was really was you, eh, squirt?"
Giggling was the only answer she got.
"Tried to tell you. Anyway, I better get him back to his mom."
"Wait - haven't...haven't I seen you around town before?"
"If by 'see' you mean buying something from The Cocoa Confectionery, then yes. I run and own it."
"Bon-Bon, right?"
"Yeah. Look, I said I have to get him back to his mother." Bon-Bon turned away for a second, then looked over her shoulder at Lyra. "Maybe you should drop by sometime. I might have something waiting for you."
A grin split across Lyra's face as the mare began walking down the street. "I'll definitely drop by!"
"I'll be waiting!"
Lyra watched her turn the corner, feeling warm and fuzzy inside. "Definitely."