HiLiE: The Pineapple Incident

by Godson

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Princess Celestia, Main 6, Discord, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Human, Princess Luna, Original Character
Length: 1047

Applejack finds a pineapple. Stupidity ensues.

Submission for Pineapple Nation's "Pineapple Rush"

Spin off of How I Lived In Equestria

COMPLETELY NON-CANON TO THE "How I..." SERIES.

Applejack finds a pineapple in her farm one day, and is unsure of what to do with it. Stupidity ensues.

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Co-Written by: ShadowClaw and Quigzerz

This was something that was written in like, an hour. And I'm very very sorry for writing this... And I will most likely regret ever writing this story into existence.

Published 2016-03-08 04:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-03-08 04:10:01 UTC

The Only Chapter

It was a bright and sunny day in Ponyville. The wind howled through the near perfect trees, never blowing a single lea—

Quite honestly, it was just another ordinary day in Ponyville.

But, we’re not focusing on Ponyville… No… Today, we shall be starting in Sweet Apple Acres instead.

Applejack sighed, dealing with yet another day of bucking apple trees. She walked up to another one of her farm’s trees, turned around, pulled her rear legs forward, and then shot them back at the tree, creating a perfect bucking motion.

In a matter of seconds, all the apples from the trees had fallen into the two baskets nearby, filling them completely.

She turned around, eyeing the tree to make sure there wasn’t any apples left over, as expected, there was nothing left.

She moved onto the next tree, and bucked it. As expected, the apples had fallen into the baskets, this had become a normal pattern for her, requiring little to no hassle to do her job.

She bucked another tree, the apples fell.

Another tree, more apples.

And another, and another, and another…

Until she came across a certain tree, while it appeared to be normal, there had also been something else in there.

She continued her routine, turning around, pulling her rear legs forward, and shooting them backwards against the tree.

As expected, the apples had fallen into the perfectly placed baskets.

But, what wasn’t expected, was another object had fallen as well.

And that object, strangely enough… was a pineapple.

Applejack turned around, eyeing the tree once more, then looked down at the apples in the basket, and the extra pineapple that was on the ground.

“...What in tarnation?” She raised an eyebrow, grabbing the pineapple with a hoof. “Where the hay did this come from?”

She looked up, finding no possible way for the pineapple to have just fallen, she then looked around, only to see that there was no one around to have thrown it.

She looked back down at the pineapple, confused over the source of the pineapple. Shortly afterwards, she figured the source of the pineapple was no longer important. For now, she had a new situation on her hooves.

...What should she do with it, anyway?

“What am I supposed to do with it?” Dash raised an eyebrow.

“I dunno!” Applejack shrugged. “Give it to your boyfriend, or somethin’.”

“What am I supposed to do with this?” Godson asked.

“Eat it?” Dash shrugged. “I dunno.”

“I would, but I don’t know how to cut a pineapple properly…” Godson blinked. “Now, if I had a can of pineapples, then you’d see me eating it.”

“Then… I’ll just throw it away, then.” Dash deadpanned, proceeding to turn around and walk off to the kitchen.

“Wait.”

Dash stopped in her tracks, turning her head back to her human.

“I think I have an idea…”

“What am I supposed to do with it!?” Twilight jerked her head back.

“I don’t freakin’ know!” Godson shrugged as he spoke loudly. “Just… Do some magic stuff to it, or something!”

“Like what!?” Twilight asked, a sarcastic look beginning to grow on her face.

“...Zap it?”

“Zap it.” Twilight repeated, trying to confirm what she heard.

“Yes.” Godson deadpanned.

“Why…?”

“Because you can?”

“That’s stupid!” Twilight narrowed her eyes. “Just throw the pineapple away, or sell it!”

“That’s boring!” Godson retorted. “Why would I go through all the trouble of coming here when I could’ve just played The Price of Rice, again!”

In an instant, Discord slowly began to appear from the floor, upside down, and then looked at the two.

“I know exactly what to do.” He spoke, snapping his claw, covering the pineapple in a bright flash. Once the light had faded away, the two no longer found a pineapple, in its place instead, was a short black man.

“If you look at me close enough, there's a small resemblance to a chicken nugget. I don't know if it's my skin texture or my hair, but the resemblance is definitely there.” The black man stated, almost as if he was previously talking to someone. Then quickly paused as he slowly began surveying his new surroundings.

Godson blinked. “Discord? Why did you turn the pineapple into Kevin Hart?”

“Because I can.” Discord deadpanned.

Godson tried to process the situation before him. “B-But…”

“I just got another idea.” Discord flipped around, now right-side up, and snapped his claw once more. Everyone in the room watched as the black man disappeared in a bright flash.

Godson shook his head, then quickly shifted his view to the draconequus.

“What just happened?”

Meanwhile, at Canterlot Castle…

“TIAAAAA!” Luna called out, walking into the throne room. “WHAT DID YOU DO WITH MY BURRI—”

“I AM AN ANGEL, I WAS SENT HERE FROM GOD TO HEAL!”

Luna immediately stopped in her tracks, blankly staring at the black man standing between her and her sister’s throne.

“Luna?” Celestia raised an eyebrow. “It appears we have another one…”

“PINEAPPLES!” Kevin Hart shouted. “I WANNA GO HOME!”

“...So does that mean you weren’t the reason my burrito has suddenly gone absent?” Luna looked up to her sister.

Immediately, Kevin Hart blinked, and dug in his pockets, pulling out a burrito. “You mean this burrito?”

Luna blinked. “Why, ye—”

“It’s mine now.” Kevin Hart immediately interrupted, taking a bite out of the burrito in his hands.

Luna widened her eyes, quickly running after the black man, she jumped up in an attempt to tackle him, but before she could even get close enough to even touch him.

He disappeared in another flash of light.

Luna crashed onto the floor below, groaning softly at the soft pain. Slowly, she shook off the pain, and stood up, looking around for the black man, after finding no black man, she looked up to her sister.

“I blame Discord.” She deadpanned.

“Yep. Me too.” Celestia nodded in agreement.

Meanwhile, back on Earth…

An audience of people had immediately gone silent, as Kevin Hart had just turned into a pineapple right before their eyes. They waited for a moment, and shortly afterwards, a couple of people had begun to laugh. While one person simply stood up and asked.

“...W-was that the joke?”