Freaks like Beaks

Chapters

A marginal upgrade
Working out frustrations
Awkward
Bar Talk
Rained in.
Skills
Introductions
Party time

A marginal upgrade

Gretchen

On your average day, I'll take money from everyone.

Not that I'm a thief, I work for my wages thank you, but I do have a lot of people who throw money in my guitar case who aren't very well off. We're talking bar workers, dish washers, the folks that worked at the greasy fast food place down town... The whole shebang.

But when a disheveled, skinny mare of the night put five bits in my case with a smile I knew instantly they could be put to better use.

I eyed the prostitute and fished her bits back out. "Thanks, but you need these more than I do."

The earth pony stared down at me, sitting on my industrial district street corner and holding my guitar with my feathers ruffled and my butt unprotected on the pavement. She narrowed her eyes.

"Seriously? You need the money! You're homeless!" She said in an obviously male voice.

I rolled my eyes. And looked up at the makeup encrusted, red dress wearing mare with ribbons on her tail. "And you're probably living in whatever passes for a brothel in this dump. Take the money sister, you're going to need it."

Her eyes went wide. She almost looked indignant, but it was undercut by her ridiculously fluffy dress and garish makeup. "I'm not a prostitute!"

I snorted, leaning back against the wall. I really didn't have time for this. "Hey lady, I'm a busker, I don't judge. You do prefer lady right? You're not a drag queen?"

Her eye was twitching. "I'm a chef!"

I raised an eyebrow. "A chef that dresses like that?" I shrugged and attempted to tune the guitar in my talons. It was a losing battle, but I couldn't help but keep fighting. "Whatever you say. Now if you're not going to accept my charity you better hurry out of here. This isn't exactly a friendly neighborhood."

She glared at me, then let out a breath, turned up her nose and walked away.

I stared at her as she made her way down the street. I stopped playing. Holy shit, she was telling the truth, wasn't she?

Peppermint

I tried to avoid the old steel mill for a few days after I was accosted by that griffon. It wasn't easy because it was right on my way back from work. Still, I spent some time dodging and weaving around that haunt.

In the end, it wasn't courage or a need to speak my mind that brought me back to the busker, it was simple forgetful laziness. I'd worked an overnight shift and I was running on autopilot, which of course meant walking my old route home.

I had nothing on my mind but sleep and maybe making some rice to eat before bed when I heard a soft voice behind me. "I'm sorry miss..."

I turned around and noticed that indeed, the tawny brown griffon was back.

I paused. The busker had actually put down her instrument to say that.

Normally, when homeless people tried to talk to me as I was walking back from work I made it a point to just ignore them and keep walking. No good could come of staying in one place for too long.

But I had to admit, I was curious. Not many griffons came to Ponyville... And she'd called me miss. That was not common.

I looked her over. She had sort of a kestrel look about her for her bird half while her rear was obviously that of a lioness. Said rear had mud caked on it, and her feathers weren't in great shape either.

I frowned. This hen had called me a prostitute not two days ago. I should be furious with her! She could be dangerous... Honestly I should have just walked away.

But I always sucked at ignoring people. "Apology accepted." I said.

She smirked, faintly, gripping that ancient guitar in her frightening looking talons. "My name's Gretchen by the way."

I nodded. "Nice to meet you." Then I left for home. There wasn't much else to say.

Gretchen

I counted the tarnished bits in the lining of my case. Not bad for a day's work. Maybe I could find some solid food for once. I was just about to pack up and head to the bus stop to find that and a bit of shelter when I heard a rustling from the alley next to me.

Now, there were some simple survival rules when you lived on the streets. Rule number one was to not investigate strange noises. This late at night, the best case scenario was a stray cat and the worst case was too terrible to consider.

I picked up my case, shook myself, and began actively forgetting about the whole thing.

Of course, two steps later, I heard the forced squeak of someone being shoved against a wall, followed by the tearing of fabric.

It was the fabric that got me flying.

Sure enough, when I turned the corner there was a seedy looking stallion tearing some poor mare's dress. I couldn't make her out clearly, but the stallion's intentions were obvious.

There wasn't much time for thought. Heck, there wasn't much time for common sense. The only thing there was time for was lifting up my guitar case and bashing the stallion on the head.

My instrument connected with a very satisfying clang and the stallion fell like a rock. For a moment everything was silent.

I went to check on his victim, who sputtered at me in a much deeper voice than I expected. I only made out a single word. "G-Gretchen?"

Peppermint

The police station smelled like stale coffee and bad decisions. Bad decisions smelled like vomit, in case you were wondering.

I hadn't left Gretchen's side since the cops picked me up. The Griffon was filthy, and she smelled worse than the police station.

But I felt safe with her. Right now I needed that.

"Okay," The policepony said, taking down my statement. "Everything seems to be in order except..." He squinted at the Griffon musician. "I still haven't seen your ID. What were you doing at-"

I instantly put a protective hoof on Gretchen's shoulder. The griffon looked more than a little confused.

"This," I said, glaring down at the policepony,"is my room mate Gretchen. She was just coming back from a show at Glass Bit Pizza. Now, if it's fine with you we'd really like to go home."

Gretchen caught on quickly, nodding to the officer.

He stared at us for a moment, probing our expressions... My poker face was good. So was Gretchen's.

"Alright," He said with a shrug, "Let's get you girls home."

Gretchen

Home, it turned out, was a studio apartment with a 'hide a bed' couch.

The officer left us to our devices and I let out a breath. I took a moment to take in the surroundings. All that was there was a kitchenette, a small closet, a bathroom, and the aforementioned bedroom. The walls were completely unadorned.

My host and I shared an uncomfortable silence.

Finally I spoke. "So... Are you okay?"

She smiled. It was a bit morose, but it was real. "Yeah, thanks to you I think I'll be just fine. Do you want me to unfold the couch or would you prefer sleeping on the cushions?"

I stared at her, my feathers slicking in shock. "You can't be serious."

She smirked, going for the closet, shaking out her long blond mane and white coat. "I don't make a habit of lying to the police. Now come on, I think it's time to get ready for bed, starting with the most important step."

That said, she gave me a towel and a bar of soap and shoved me into the bathroom.

Author's Note

Hey folks, I freely admit that I have no idea where this is going. I sort of wrote it because it was the kind of mood I was in and wanted an outlet. Maybe it will turn into something great, I don't know! But thanks for reading anyway.

Working out frustrations

Peppermint

When I woke up the next morning, my new room mate hadn't killed me.

It was a good start.

Gretchen was curled up in a ball on her cot, clutching her guitar case. I couldn't imagine it was very comfortable, but I got the feeling it was a habit from the streets.

The shower had done her a lot of good. Her feathers had an almost iridescent sheen to them and she had a long, tawny tail that was actually yellow, not brown. Her case was battered and honestly she was too. I could see a few scars running down her rear...

I'm not sure I wanted to know where those came from.

I yawned and reached for my hormones, slipping a pill under my tongue to dissolve. Then I hopped out of my bed and went for the shower. I sighed when I saw feathers in the drain.

After yanking them out one by one I eyed them, curious. Maybe somewhere in the world griffon feathers were a super potent alchemical ingredient. Maybe I could pay for surgery with what was in my hooves!

I sniffed at them. They were moldy. I sighed and dumped them in the trash. I was just fooling myself, and being greedy. She had already saved my life, it's not like I needed more.

I turned on the hot water and looked down at a region I had a very confusing relationship with. It was weird. I had loved what hormone replacement therapy had done to my curves and even my orchidectomy was met with glee, but full bottom surgery was a bit of an uncertainty for me.

I wanted a vulva, I desperately wanted to be penetrated properly... But it all seemed so final.

I poked at my empty scrotum with a smile. Maybe I was overthinking things, I did that a lot. Besides, barring winning the lottery it wasn't something I needed to think about any time soon. I finished up my shower and turned my thoughts to more pressing matters, like how to deal with my guest.

When I got to my bed (it took all of three steps, I'd had a major apartment downgrade when I moved here) I looked over at Gretchen. She looked kind of adorable curled up like that...

But she did just come off the streets.

I was questioning my charity already. What if I left and she stole all my stuff (not that I had anything really valuable, but still), what if she ate all my food? What if she peed everywhere? She was part cat right? She might do that?

I shook myself. This hen had saved my life. I needed to give her the benefit of the doubt. I reached for my end table and pulled out a notepad and quill.

Dear Gretchen, I'm off to work for the day, but I should be back by eight. I work at Glass Bit Pizza so I won't be far. There are snacks in the refrigerator.

I thought for a moment, chewing the end of my quill, then continued. I have a spare key under my mattress if you need to go out. Thank you again, Peppermint

As per usual, I arrived at work early to change. I slipped out of my dress and tied my mane back so it wouldn't get into anything. Then I donned my glass bit vest.

I admit, if there was anything about this job that really irked me it was the dress code. It made perfect sense honestly. If you worked with food you needed to have your hair tied up so it wouldn't flop onto the customers' plates and you didn't want to wear a dress because flowing dresses could trip you up and get stuck in ovens. You also couldn't wear makeup as if it flaked off... You get the picture.

It was rational, and definitely not malicious, but it did mean that whenever I was at work I was basically in boymode, despite being a mare full time.

I eyed my overly masculine bone structure in the staff room mirror. It was annoying, but it sure beat unemployment. I hopped upstairs.

My manager, Struck Chord gave me a smirk. He wasn't the most talkative guy in the world, but he had a good heart. Working with him were Rough Rider, a plump zebra mare, and a tall earth pony stallion named Whose Line.

Struck's black coat showed off a cutie mark of a guitar. Rough had a wrestling ring on her flank (unusual for a zebra glyph, I know) and Whose had a microphone.

For the record, I had a pen and paper on my flank. You didn't end up working at the Bit because you'd aced your special talent.

I went to the dough pounding table and Whose followed me. "You look pretty rough Pepper. Too much sauce last night?"

I rolled my eyes. "You know I don't drink Whose."

He snorted. "You don't drink, you don't smoke, do you have any vices?"

"Sometimes I only let one homeless griffon sleep on my couch."

He laughed, "You're a riot Peppy."

Gretchen

I admit, I started a bit when I woke up.

I stared at my surroundings, the events of last night slowly pouring back into my memory. There was a note on the door.

I had to read it twice. She wanted me to stay... To stay stay?

The street part of me was instantly suspicious. What was her angle? What did she have to gain by helping me?

I thought over the events of last night. She only said I was her room mate to get the cops off me. It wasn't like I was some fairy tale Princess Charming who'd swooped in to save the day.

I eyed the room warily. She didn't look like she had a griffon fetish, but I'd been wrong before. Besides it seemed like a lot of effort to hire an actor to beat her up to get me to save her... And then bribe the cops to lock the actor up...

Okay, so she wasn't trying to pull anything. Was it really just gratitude?

A darker thought occurred to me. Maybe she was scared.

Someone had just tried to rape her that wasn't something easy to deal with. Maybe she didn't want to be all alone. Maybe I was just a guard dog.

I gripped my guitar case. I wasn't nopony's minion and I definitely wasn't a charity case. If little miss Peppermint wanted me here then I was damn well going to earn my way. I dug up the spare key, threw on my guitar case and headed outside.

Three minutes later, I went back inside and ate three sandwiches out of her fridge. Then I got to work.

Awkward

Peppermint

When I came back home, Gretchen was holding out a fist full of bits. She had a huge smile on her beak.

I blinked at her. "Uh... Hi?"

The Griffon cleared her throat, "Pepper I'm super grateful for you letting me stay here." She said. "But I have to pay my way. Here's fifteen bits to start with."

I tilted my head, reaching out to take the bits. "Um... Thanks." I looked down at the coins and felt a pang of guilt. Gretchen suddenly looked a lot more gaunt. "You don't need to do this you know." I said, "You saved my life. I'm more than happy to have you here."

She scratched at the back of her neck. "I mean, I guess so, but I didn't save you to get favors. Besides, you don't even know me."

I put a hoof to my chin, considering her words. Then I walked over to the couch and tapped the seat next to me. "So tell me about yourself."

She looked hesitant, like a five year old who'd been called to the principal's office. Finally she sat down.

Silence.

Finally she gulped. "This is awkward."

I shrugged. "It doesn't have to be, just tell me what you want me to know."

She suddenly became very fascinated with my floor. "Uh... You shouldn't be scared of me because I have no plans of murdering you?"

Okay, now it was awkward. I wracked my brain for some kind of clue as to what to do in this situation. Make tea? Tell a joke?

"So... How long have you been trans?" My guest asked.

Okay, she was really not helping. I narrowed my eyes. "Since birth. How long have you been a Griffon?"

She put a claw to her chin. "When was that medical experiment again..?"

Okay, now we were getting somewhere. I snorted. "Would you like some tea? This seems like a tea kind of conversation."

She smirked. "Whatever you say sister."

I put a kettle on the stove and went back to my room mate. The awkwardness was starting to sink in again.

Gretchen sighed. "I'm sorry about... Saying that. I guess you get asked dumb stuff a lot."

I groaned. "It's fine... But yes, oh so very much... I mean, seriously, is that all there is to me? Do I not have anything else left?"

Gretchen blinked. "Uh... What did you have before?"

I blanched. "Nothing... I mean, I didn't mean to say that."

She put a claw on my knee. "Hey, It's okay." I looked at her, seeing her deep brown eyes and her nervous smile. "You've been through a pile of shit. You're allowed to be a little bummed okay?"

Oddly I found myself blushing. "Oh... um... okay!"

The tea kettle whistled and I rushed to snatch it up. I had no idea what kind of tea I had... I also only had a single mug and a measuring cup. Obviously I couldn't give that to the woman that saved my life, so I scooched it over to my side of the counter. Finally I spotted an old box in the cupboard. "Are you okay with black tea?" I asked.

She smiled. "I'm okay with just about anything. If you didn't notice I was on the streets yesterday."

I winced. "Heh... Right..."

I passed her a mug and took a sip from my improvised glass. The tea was bitter and maybe a little stale. I felt pretty awful giving it to guests... Though I guess Gretchen wasn't a guest anymore.

There was a lot I wanted to ask her. I didn't really know where to start.

"So..." She began, eyeing her tea uncertainly. "Why don't we work out finances? How much are you paying for rent and water and stuff?" I know fifteen bits a day isn't a lot, but-"

I held up a hoof. That at least I could provide some assurances about. "This place only costs about 500 bits a month. If we split that down the middle, you'd still have plenty of cash left over to buy food. Or medicine or what have you."

She smiled. "That's awesome! I..." Her expression fell, "I never thought I could afford a place in Equestria."

I smiled. "Well, I'm happy to say you can. What do you say roomie? Want to try and make a go of it?"

The Griffon held up her mug. "I'll drink to that!"

Gretchen

By the next morning I was so excited I felt like bouncing up and down on the couch. I had an apartment! In Equestria! Sure, it was a studio that I shared with some random chick I met a week ago, but I had an apartment! I wasn't homeless anymore.

It hadn't really sunk in when Pepper had first said I could crash here, but now my mind was racing with all the stuff I could do. I could buy food and store it here. I could order things in the mail! I could apply for citizenship!

...

Okay, that last one would be a bit more complicated with the whole 'sneaking into the country' thing, but still! Apartment! Plus my room mate wasn't always here so I could have some time to myself, showers, some actual privacy...

Oh my stars I could Masturbate!

I felt a bit of a flush in my nethers at that thought. I admit, one of the more subtle things that had sucked about leaving my yurt back in Griffonstone was that there wasn't really a place to get some alone time on the streets or in a shelter. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't some sheet pounding fiend or anything, but I had needs same as everyone else...

Or most others at least. Aces were out there afterall. I sighed, thinking back to the old crew in Griffonstone. I knew I was bi since I was a chick, but my parent's didn't hear about it until way later. They'd been more worried than anything and plopped me down with what passed in our little slum for a support group. There weren't a lot of us. A couple feather fluffers that kept trying, and failing, to make it work between them, a drag queen, a hot gay hen who was way out of my league, and yours truly.

I smirked... Good times. Until the sickness.

My face fell as my mind slumped to dark places... To lost friends, and another friend I only thought I had.

I shook myself. That was over and done with. No sense crying over spilled milk. I just had to keep it together and make the best of an honestly pretty good situation.

Resolved, I hopped into the bathroom, locked the door and spread my legs. I took the time to take a goof long gander at a perky pair of lips I hadn't had a chance to get acquainted with in a good long time. I slipped a talon down to them and gave myself a caress.

I cooed with pleasure. Oh yes, things were definitely looking up.

Author's Note

Bar Talk

Gretchen’s eyes went wide. “You did what!?”

Seeing the Gryphoness standing right in front of him, carrying an expression which looked like a mix between shock and building rage, Troy could only blink while standing in temporary paralysis. Noticing how the two Gryphons were staring at each other, Canvas squirmed a little in his seat as he tried to ask “Ummm… should I ask what this is about?”

“Motion seconded!” I said. I got up and placed myself in between the two gryphons. “I have no idea what’s going on, but-”

Gretchen sputtered. “Peppy, what’s going on is that Captain Privilege over here just got me deported!”

“Wait, what?!” Troy seemed rather surprised as his brows raised at that outburst. Of course, his eyes narrowed on Gretchen before asking, “You mean you’re not even here legally?!”

Gretchen crossed her forelegs and glared at the cock in front of her. “Gee, a plague victim fled the countryside and couldn’t get a green card. You manage to put that together yourself Sherlock? And for the record, I had my nasty near death experience a full year ago. I’m about as infectious as a disco beat.”

As Troy let all that information sink in, his eyes now widening in confusion and a smidge of regret, Canvas thought the chick’s statement over for a moment before shrugging his shoulders. “Well, disco is pretty catchy sometimes,” he muttered to himself.

Gretchen turned to Canvas with a genuinely sympathetic look on her face. “You’re seriously marrying this guy? I mean, he’s hot as hell, and at first I thought he was gods damned Blade Clawston descended from the heavens, but looks aren’t everything.”

“Okay!” I interjected. “Why don’t we just sit down and talk about this like reasonable people…” This was getting way out of hoof.

Even though Troy looked like he was seriously considering making an exception to the boy standard "never hit a woman" policy after Gretchen’s comments, he was able to keep himself reserved to just a bitter glare pointed at the Gryphoness before making a small nod. Canvas nodded as well, although it seemed like he wanted to say a word or two to Gretchen as well.

I guided my, at this point highly unhinged, friend back to the booth and tried to remember everything I could from my mother's lessons on diplomacy. “Now. We’ve all said and done some things we didn’t really mean to, but I feel like this has all been a big miscommunication. Why don’t we start from the top. It’s Troy right?” I asked the Gryphon cock with a friendly, if somewhat strained smile.

Troy nodded to me silently.

My smile eased a bit. “Great, now Troy, why don’t you tell us exactly why you decided to report my room mate to… Whoever it is you reported her to and we’ll see if we can’t get you feeling comfortable enough to call off the dogs, as it were.”

Despite clearly still feeling bitter about what Gretchen said, the silver Gryphon made a deep exhale through his closed beak before starting his response. “Well, when I saw your roommate out on the street today, she looked like a lot of the victims of the Grover Pox back home. And since my younger brother was almost killed by that very same disease, I didn’t want to see another outbreak happen in Ponyville. Especially since I’m not too sure if ponies could contract it as well.”

Gretchen flinched. She suddenly looked a lot more morose. “I… I get that. I wouldn’t have come here if I thought there was any chance I was going to infect someone. You have to believe me, the disease is only infectious for a short period after your symptoms have subsided or… you know.” She shuddered. “I got that straight from the doc’s mouth… But I get fear.” Then her eyes narrowed. “Though calling sick people gross isn’t exactly the best way to deal with folks that are even more scared than you.”

I put a hoof on Gretchen’s shoulder. “Easy there…” the last thing we needed was for more name calling to start back up.

“Hey, I never called you ‘gross’!” Stated Troy bluntly in defense. However, after a couple seconds of his beak tightly pouted shut, he was still able to make a meager shrug and mutter out, “But… Okay, I wasn’t trying to word it like that when I saw you. You just looked hurt, and I didn’t want to just walk by or something.”

“Listen,” added Canvas in a more sympathetic tone towards the Gryphoness, “if it makes you feel any better, I’m sure that Troy feels bad for putting in that report. He clearly didn’t know you weren’t here legally, but you have to understand that he was only trying to do the right thing.” He couldn’t help giving a small smile back to his fiancè when he said, “I mean, that’s just the kind of guy he is. He has a heart of gold, and likes to help whoever he can. It was how we met, actually.”

Gretchen sighed and put her head in her claws. “Fuck, you’re right… Though easy on the talk like that, ya’ll are likely to give a girl diabetes.”

I poked her. “Ow.”

Canvas made a light chuckle at Gretchen’s response. “Well, if it makes you feel any better, that’s not the first time we heard that.”

Gretchen smiled, looking a lot more relaxed. “Oh yeah, you guys clearly have a way healthier relationship than the last two fea… Wait, am I allowed to say the ‘FF’ phrase if I’m a part time Egg Sucker?”

Even though his mood was lightened since then, that comment was enough to sour the Gryphon’s expression fairly quick. “I’d prefer it if you don’t. And just as a warning, the last guy to use the ‘CC’ word towards Canvas here got his face rearranged pretty badly.”

Canvas winced a little from that unfortunate memory with his face turned away from the girls.

Gretchen held up her claws. “Sorry, my LGBT group was big on the whole ‘reclaiming language of the oppressors’ deal. I mean, I’m sure Grant could explain the idea a bit better, but he bit the big one recently.” She sighed. “Plague killed a lot of good people. I’m glad your brother made it out.”

Troy nodded with a much softer expression than before. “Thank you for that, and I’m sorry for your loss.” He then added after a little thought, “And just so you know, I’m sorry for making that report, and I’ll go back to the Disease Center to refute my claim. I really didn’t mean to get you in trouble or anything, I swear.”

Gretchen nodded. “I believe you… Sorry about the snapping thing I have a bit of a nasty streak sometimes.” She folded her claw into a fist and held it out to Troy. “Griffons in Equestria?”

Troy took a second before growing a small smirk and giving Gretchen a claw-bump with his own. “Represent.”

Gretchen smiled. “Well, if y’all ever need to know where to get the best worms around here, let me know…” She looked thoughtful for a moment. “Though come to think of it, you have the best protein source ever, so that’s probably not an issue.”

The couple both laughed at her statement, but Troy was the first to reply with a half-shocked sounding, “Wait, you get worms?! What’s wrong with going to the friggin’ pharmacy for protein pills?! They’re free there!”

“And if you want,” added the stallion with a smile while nestled close to his mate, “If you don’t want to risk any paperwork to get a bottle, I know for a fact that Troy has a bunch of them that he doesn’t need anymore.”

Gretchen blushed. “Whoa. Okay, I know I was hitting on you two earlier, but that’s a bit much isn’t it?”

Canvas made a shrug with a roll of his eyes. “Just consider it an apology gift for almost getting you deported. Troy’s boss told us how bad of a shape Griffinstone was in, so we can both understand wanting to stay around these parts.”

Yeah, added Troy while rubbing the back of his head with a claw. “Even Highmount seems a bit ragged compared to here.”

Gretchen gulped, looking away. “Uh… Yeah… Totally. So I guess you want me to schedule regular visits or something… I mean, I guess harvesting and storing would be a thing, but, um… It wouldn’t be great with preservatives so…” She shuddered. “Oh boy… I have bit off way more than I can chew… Not that I’d bite! It’s just, you know, an expression.”

By now, both Troy and Canvas were staring at the Gryphoness with very uncomfortable looks on their faces. After staring at each other, and also noting my befuddled expression, Canvas was the first to clarify towards Gretchen, “Ummm… you are aware we’re talking about the protein pills, right?

Gretchen snapped her claws. “Oh! Oh… That makes so much more sense. It’s good that you’re providing for your boyfriend though, even if it’s unconventional. Moving right along to less awkward topics!”

My eyes widened. “Oh! Now I get it…” I turned crimson. My room mate was filthy. “So, how did you two meet? That sounded interesting!” I stared at the two males, practically begging them to change the topic with my eyes.

Despite seeing the insistence in her face, both the stallion and Gryphon looked back at each other uncomfortably. “Well, ummm…” Troy was the first to turn back to Peppermint to say, “It’s kind of a long story, and not exactly the most romantic.”

Canvas shrugged his shoulders and admitted, “I dunno, risking your life to save me, and then being my friend while I healed up feels like one of those old romance fables.”

Troy scoffed with a smirk. “Oh, please! You’re sounding like Rarity.”

My eyes widened. I backed the conversation up a bit. “Wait, you know Rarity? Like the Element of Generosity Rarity?”

Even though Canvas looked like he may have said a bit too much from that reaction, he was still able to smile with a timid blush as he nodded. “Ummm… yeah, I guess. She was actually the first customer who commissioned a piece of mine when I moved to Ponyville.”

“Yeah, said Troy as he added, “She also helped me pick out the ring I proposed to Canvas with.”

I was very impressed. Gretchen was right, they were connected. I turned to Gretchen, the kernel of a plan forming in my head.

Gretchen looked at me, confused. “What?”

I put a smile on my face and turned back to the couple. “So… You two know an Element… I hear the element of Magic is a Princess these days." I played with my mane a bit. "You know, the kind of person who can hand out immigration paperwork?”

Both Canvas and Troy’s brows raised in surprise at my request, but neither of them seemed to notice the dropped beak that Gretchen was giving me. Of course, since the Gryphoness was completely silent, Canvas wasn’t distracted as he answered, “Well… I’m not exactly sure, but… maybe she could help? Although I’m not exactly sure how well that topic of discussion could go.”

I smirked, the pieces falling into place. “And if Gretchen here had performed a heroic act recently? Like say, saving some poor girl from getting raped?”

Gretchen’s feathers slicked. “Pepper I didn’t do that for a payday! You were in trouble, I helped. Same as anyone else would have done.”

“I know that feeling,” said Troy with a shrug.

I blanched. Oh crap, I'd really stepped in it there. “Oh… Oh dear, I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to open old wounds I’m just…” I shrunk down a bit. “I’m still kind of in denial about the whole thing. H-how bad is it when that stops?”

“Hey, hey…” Canvas put his hoof out to rest in top of mine, he gave me a sincere look of understanding as he said, “Believe me, I know how bad it can be, but things do get better. I promise.” After giving me a caring smile, he looked over at Gretchen for a split-second before adding in a cheerful tone, “Especially when you have a good friend to help you out.”

I managed a smile. “She is pretty great when she’s not running her mouth isn’t she?”

“Hey!” The griffon spat, but she had a smile on her beak when she did it. She let out a breath. “Well, this has been a heck of a day… I guess we’ll work out the details in a bit? Right now I’ve had so much feels I feel like I’m going to fall over.”

I gave my roommate a nuzzle. “Yeah, I’ve never been much for the whole ‘night at the bar’ thing either.” I turned to the two boys and scratched my head, wondering what on earth I could offer the wealthy couple in exchange for their kindness. “I don’t know how to thank you for this. I’m not exactly the most connected person in the world… Or the most skilled. Unless you want an experienced pizza chef for some weird reason.” I shrugged. “Anyway, I’m pretty sure we’d be easy to find. It was great meeting you okay?”

Gretchen scratched the back of her neck. “Yeah. Good times… Sorry about the whole hitting on you two thing… Wait!”

She turned to the two as though suddenly struck by a flash of inspiration. “You two aren’t bi are you? Is there any chance for an epic three- OWW!” Gretchen shouted in pain as I twisted a feather.

I shot the couple an apologetic look. “Sorry, I think I might have to get this one spayed. Talk to you two later okay?”

“Ummm… sure,” said Troy with a slightly uncomfortable smile that matched his fiancè’s. “Y-yeah, although I think I should go back to that Disease Center before it closes, you know?”

“Plus, I was thinking of heading to the pet store on the way home,” added Canvas as he tried to sound like he wasn’t trying to avoid the horny Gryphoness. “Tenor’s been going through his toys way faster than I expected.”

“Oh you have a dog?” I asked, hoping to end the conversation on a lighter note.

“Yeah. He’s a Saint Bernard who was rescued by Fluttershy. Troy adopted him for us on Hearth’s Warming.” Canvas gave a glance up at his Gryphon with a smile as he said, “Just another example of Troy helping others.”

The gryphon hen shot Troy a smile. “Yeah, I think I had an uncharacteristic first impression. Catch you two later okay?”

And then I took her claw in hoof and we wandered away.

Troy and Canvas

The couple left the bar in fairly high spirits. As they walked down the Ponyville streets, Canvas shot a glance up at his fiancè to ask, “So… you think we should tell that girl about who you’re related to?”

“Hmmm… probably not,” said Troy with a shrug in indifference. “I’d rather not give her any more excuses to try mounting us.”

“Well, of course not…” The stallion then reached his head up to nibble at the tuft of Troy’s ear to make him squirm while walking. “Especially when I’d rather have you all to myself.”

Troy giggled with a deep blush as he nuzzled him back. “Hehehe, you greedy little colt~”

Canvas responded with a kiss against his cheek. “Yep. And don’t you forget it.”

Author's Note

Full on co-written by TheVClaw. If you need me I'll be in the corner trying not to gush. XD

Rained in.

Peppermint

"You've gotta mark your pizzas Pepper." Struck told me, for the 50,000th time.

I looked down at the nearly invisible pieces of fresh garlic on my pizza and sighed. He didn't say it cruelly, but I felt the sting none the less. I had been working here for months and I still couldn't remember to mark pizzas with invisible toppings. You see some stuff like garlic just sort of melts into the cheese, so when they take it out of the oven... Okay, you don't need to know this.

I put an olive on the pizza and slid it into the oven. Whose Line sidled up beside me. "So, have you got plans for our big day off tomorrow?"

I raised an eyebrow. "Day off?"

Struck nodded, without even looking up from the dough table. "The weather team says that there's a big storm blowing out of Everfree tomorrow. They're doing what they can to contain it, but they're telling folks to stay inside, so the Bit is closing for the day."

It was one of the longest speeches I'd ever heard him deliver. Whose Line shook his head. "Ya see Pepper, this is why you need to show up in those first two minutes. It's when you hear all the good stuff."

I looked down. "Sorry... " I used the first couple minutes before starting work to change. Most of my co-workers just came in their work clothes.

Rough Rider snorted. "You know, I can't say I'm thrilled about losing my shift, some of us have babies to feed. Can't the place just stay open? I can handle a little rain."

Struck didn't even turn to look at the Zebra. "Not my call. Management says we're closing."

And that was that.

Gretchen

A certain gorgeous cock landed on the crumbling concrete that was my place of work and held out a bag of pill bottles with a smile. "Hey Gretchen. After hearing about that whole worm thing I thought it would be a good idea to get you these as fast as possible."

I grinned, putting down my guitar. "Dude! You are a life saver... Literally." I picked up a bottle and was about to down a few when I noticed something unfortunate. I grimaced. "Um... Troy, not to look a gift steak in the mouth, but these pills are for cocks, not hens."

He tilted his head. "Huh?" he picked up a bottle and eyed it curiously. "Wow... I never actually noticed that."

I sighed. "Yeah, its not the kind of thing you'd think about." I looked over the ingredients, running through the lists of vitamins my old beau had drilled into me. "Okay, these should be fine. I'll just double the dose and be sure to drink lots of milk."

The cock, who had easily twice my body mass, sputtered. "Double my dose? Why the heck would you need that much protein?!"

I rolled my eyes. "Because every I lay an egg every month troy, and frankly my shells have been a bit soft of late"

His eyes lit up in recognition. "Oh!" He looked a little embarrassed, "I'm going to be honest I hadn't even thought of that part of being a gryphoness."

I snorted. "Most cocks don't... Well unless they're Squatter fans, though these days I'm not sure why they'd even bother, what with that new photographer they hired taking dumb pictures of hens just moaning and-"

Troy looked more than a little uncomfortable. "Can we please, please change the subject?"

I held up my claws in apology. "Right, right, not your thing obviously... There is something else I wanted to ask you about though."

He tilted his head, curious. "What?"

"What's with the big, formal 'gryphoness' thing? I mean, I'm flattered you're treating me like a high class lady, but it's safe to say I'm anything but respectable." I shrugged, "Plus, hen is shorter."

He seemed lost. "I don't get it, don't you want respect?"

I made an uncertain gesture. "I mean, the 'r' word has always been a bit dicey for me ya know? Even before the plague and running off to Equestria chasing star crossed love, I wasn't exactly living the high life. Respect wasn't something people in the streets got, it was something demanded of us. And even on the rare occasions I got some it always felt like... I dunno, watered down genuine connection? Does that make sense?"

He nodded. "I suppose..." He paused, as though deep in thought. "We really did grow up in different places didn't we?"

I shrugged. "I guess," I felt a twinge of guilt. "Sorry if I made it seem like you were born with a silver spoon in your mouth though. Everyone's got shit to deal with and I think it's fair to say folks like us get a double helping."

He looked down. "Yeah... Sometimes."

There was a small, awkward silence as we reviewed past injustices in our minds.

I broke the silence before it could get too serious. "So... With that in mind, would you like me to call you a rooster? I'm not sure how formal you prefer stuff and every time I say cock you seem to wince a little."

He winced a little. "Okay, I think I get what you're saying about the formal addresses. How about just calling me 'Troy' for now? Also, it's safe to say the... you know, 'cock' think is just from hanging around ponies an their expressions too long."

Ah, it was a penis thing. I shrugged. "Fair enough Troy, fair enough." I plopped myself back down with my guitar. "Anything else I can help you with?"

He shook his head. "No, I'm good." He paused, "Would you really have called me a rooster if I asked you to?"

I snorted. "Troy y'all are saving my skies damned life here. I'm calling you whatever you want me to call you."

He smiled. "I'd help out no matter what, but thanks." He tilted his head, "Wait, you came here for 'star crossed love'?"

I groaned. "A story for another time Troy, a story for another time."

He held up his claws. "Fair enough. I'll catch you later about that thing with Rarity okay?"

I smiled at him. "Sure thing."

Peppermint

When I next saw Gretchen, she was humming a jaunty tune and carrying a big bag of protein pills.

Meanwhile, I was sitting on my bed, staring down a massive pile of bread, milk and eggs.

Gretchen dropped her bag. She stared at me. "Pepper... What's going on?"

I looked up at her, more than a little sheepishly. "Um... There's a big storm coming tomorrow. So I figured I should prepare?"

She rolled her eyes. "Right... Because what everyone needs in a stressful, emergency situation is a big stack of prench toast."

"..."

"You're a genius."

Gretchen

After massively overshooting my protein needs for the day (and calorie count for the year), there was nothing I wanted to do more than to curl up and have a nice long food coma.

Unfortunately, the couch was right next to the window. That meant the flashing lights, pelting rain and cracks of thunder were keeping me bolt awake.

I huddled under the blankets and told myself to breathe. In and out, in and out, just like Red taught me...

Another crack of thunder sounded like the roar of an angry god. I whimpered in fear.

"Huh...? Gretchen?" Came Peppermint's voice. The groggy earth pony mare propped herself up from on top of her bed, getting an eyeful of me shivering on the couch turned cot.

I winced. Seriously, she slept through all that and then some whimpers woke her up? I tried to smile though my chattering beak. "H-hey Peps... don't worry, everything's cool."

She narrowed her eyes. "You're not 'cool' Gretchen, you're shivering." Her expression softened and she walked over, concerned. "Are you okay? Do you need another blanket?"

I stared at her. She wasn't wearing a dress or anything, but in the flashing lightning and soft mottled light from the window it was clear that hormones had done wonders for her. Her muzzle was still masculine, she couldn't change the bone, but her body was lithe and curvy.

She was so obviously a mare now that I looked at her. No stallion had an ass like that... Oh skies, that rump... It was like it was a pillow just begging to be snuggled. Completely automatically, my eyes drifted between her legs. Oddly her sheath looked a little different than the average stallion's. It was hard to describe, it was more... Feminine? Could you call a penis feminine?

Peppermint blinked at me. "Uh... Gretchen? Are you okay? You're giving me a weird look."

I snapped out of it. "What? Oh! No, sorry there, I got lost in thought." What was wrong with me? Did I have a nudity fetish? I shook myself and shot her a reassuring look. "In fact, I feel a lot warmer. Why don't you just go back to bed and-"

A blast so loud it made the windows shake burst through the air and I retreated back under the covers with what I'm sure was a very dignified squawk.

Peppermint cleared her throat. "So... You're afraid of thunder?"

I got up and looked her in the eye... Or at least I tried to, what with still being under the blankets. "Whaaat? Don't be silly, I'm a griffon! We're an airborne species that's been shaping the weather for thousands of years, it takes more to scare me than a little-"

Another horrendous burst of sound and light shook the room and I hit the deck. "Ohskieswe'reallgonnadie!"

"Hey! Hey..." Peppermint lifted up the covers and looked me in the eye. "You don't have to worry. Everything's going to be okay."

I forced a smile. "Of course it is! I'm not-"

She silenced me with a hoof on my beak. "Gretchen, I don't care if you're scared of thunder, okay? What's important right now is making you feel safer." She slipped around me and put herself between me and the window.

That did make me feel safer... And ashamed. I hung my head. "I'm sorry..."

She gave me a nuzzle. Skies, she was warm.

Her smile was even warmer. "Don't worry. I promise, I'm going to keep you nice and safe okay?"

Then a tree branch smashed through the window and impaled her.

Skills

Peppermint

I tried to scream, but I couldn't. The pain was indescribable. but I suppose that was to be expected with a tree branch stuck through my chest and coming out the other side. But the pain from the wound itself was nothing compared to what was happening in my chest. I felt like I was being strangled from the inside with barbed wire. I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe.

Gretchen did the last thing I ever expected her to. She said a curt. "It's going to be fine, stay still." and left me to go rooting around in the garbage.

I stared at her. I could barely think through the agony and she was digging in the trash? What was she-

She turned to me and flicked out her talons, "You're going to feel a pinch." Then she stabbed me in the chest and stuck a bendy straw in me.

The relief was immediate. I mean, I was still in horrible, agonizing pain, but I could breathe again. I stared at Gretchen "Wha... What was that?"

The griffon had a steely look in her eyes. "A hack job. Please stay very still. I'm going to cut you out." To my surprise, she used her claws and snipped the end of the tree branch sticking out the window.

My jaw dropped. "Gretchen! Get this... Ugh..." I felt a shaky, chilling wave wash over me.

The Gryphon shook her head. "We aren't removing that outside of an operating room. Don't worry though, it's our next stop." She eyed my sides and I turned to follow her gaze. There was blood seeping out of me. A Lot of blood...

I felt woozy.

She grabbed my bedsheet and tore it neatly into strips. wrapping them evenly around my sides and the branch. "Don't worry. I've got you. Stay with me, talk to me if it helps you focus."

I had way, way too many questions and the thunder and rain pouring in weren't helping my already taxed concentration. Maybe I could take a nap? Yeah, a nap sounded good. My eyes were already drooping. "I... I'm cold."

She grabbed my blanket and wrapped it around me. "Don't worry, we're going to keep you warm, and we're going to a nice warm hospital bed right bucking now."

"But the thunder..." I mumbled. The rain was already seeping in. I remembered her hiding, shaking....

There was another crack and I saw the faintest of winces, but she held firm "This is way more important. Here, I've got you. On the count of there. One... two... three!" She lifted me up. The jagged branch in me sagged as my stomach lowered and my wounds flared up slightly, but Gretchen's improvised bandages held it mostly steady. I found myself on top of her, nuzzled into the warm feathers on her back.

"Hold on as tight as you can okay?" She tied me down with the blanket for good measure, then flew out the smashed window, right into the storm.

The rain poured down us. I could feel the hen beneath me, shaking as she flew. With the lightning flashing and the rain pouring down I couldn't tell if the prickling in her feathers was from cold, or fear. She was repeating something under her breath. "Red to red, white to white, and everything will be alright. Red to red, white to white and everything will be al..."

I had no idea what it meant, and even with the blanket I was cold... So cold.

Finally I asked something. I wasn't sure why it popped into my head, I didn't even think she would hear it with the buffeting winds and soaking rain. "Where did you learn first aid?"

She fell silent. "I saw a lot of people die. I got tired of it." She said finally.

And then she flew us to the hospital.

Gretchen

I was sitting in the hospital waiting room, staring at a cup of water when a certain nurse came up to me. She was pure white with a red cross cutie mark. She was the last person I ever wanted to see.

But she did have information. I looked up at her. "How is she?"
'
The medical pony nodded. "She's stable. Your field dressings were good. She should be out of surgery shortly and the doctor expects her to make a full recovery."

I let out a breath I had no idea I was holding. Thank the heavens. I looked away from the pony. "Good... That's good."

The nurse sat down next to me. It was funny how silent an emergency room could be when you really didn't want to talk to someone. "You shouldn't be here." She said finally.

I glared at her. "Redheart, my friend just got hurt. What did you expect me to do? Let her bleed out on the couch?"

She sighed. "I expected you to go home. Gretchen, I expected you to go home months ago."

My beak clenched. I felt myself tearing up. "I thought you were my home. The only one I had left."

She shook her head, her little pink bun bobbing as she did. I used to think that was cute. "Gretchen our relationship wasn't like that. I was only in Griffonstone to help with the outbreak."

I felt my claws trembling, but there was a fire in me. "So I was what? Vacation sex?"

She sighed. She looked exhausted. "You were someone who needed help... and I needed help too." She looked at the floor. "But we were just feeding off of eachother's pain. You can't judge someone from that, and you certainly can't build something from it."

That was bullshit and she knew it. I felt a tear fall down my cheek. "I loved you." I said, weakly.

She looked me in the eye. She was sad, genuinely sad. "I'm sorry... but just I never felt the same way. This isn't the place for you Gretchen, and I think tonight proves that you could be doing a lot of good in Griffonstone. You need to accept that we're not going to happen and go ho-"

"I don't have a home!" I spat. I got up and got right in her adorable little face. "Griffonstone is a crater, and apparently all my real friends are dead." I pointed to the far door. "Everyone, except for the pony in that operating room. Now could you stop trying to boot me for five bucking minutes and go save some lives? You remember? What we used to do when you weren't between my legs?"

She narrowed her eyes. "Don't make this difficult Gretchen. Frankly, I think I've been pretty reasonable so far. All it would take is a call to security."

I stared at her. I stared at those pretty blue eyes and flowing pink tail. She was cute as a button, but there was steel there. I had no doubt she'd have me deported in a heartbeat. There was nothing stopping her but propriety, a cold need to keep things civil.

Suddenly the fear was back. I needed to run. I needed to get away from this place as fast as I could...

But if I did that, then Pepper would wake up alone.

I felt my claws tremble. "Red please..." I whispered. "She's all I have."

The nurse flinched. Then let out a breath. "The second she's released, you're gone."

And then she left.

Introductions

Peppermint

The cave was dank, dark and moldy. It was also littered with corpses, mostly of my college bullies and a pile of gate-keeping "doctors".

Gretchen crawled up to me, her lion half replaced with the abdomen of a giant spider. She had already eaten my Editor (yay!) so who knew what horrors were next?

I was sitting wrapped up in a warm spider blanket in her web. She cackled at me. "Now that you're my prisoner little Miss Reporter, I'm going to do something truly horrible to you!"

She leaned in close. She had chelicerae, for some reason. "I'm going to eat your penis!"

I broke out in a grin. "Really? Awesome!"

Spider Gretchen rolled her eyes. "Pepper, you know this isn't as fun when you act all happy about it, right?"

I nodded. "Sorry. Um... Nooo... Don't eat my penis, anything but that..."

Spider Gretchen laughed an evil laugh. "Oh, but I just love eating cock! And not in the oral sex way... Well, that too. Why is it called 'eating' in that context? It makes it sound so painful and stuff."

I coughed. "Uh, Gretchen? Can we try not to get distracted? I still have this whole penis issue and..."

I froze, Princess Luna was standing directly in front of us.

There was a long, looong pause.

Then Luna sighed. "Don't worry. This isn't even in my bottom ten."

And then she woke me up.

Peppermint

I woke up in a cold sweat. I had a moment of panic when I realized I wasn't in my bed, but it subsided quickly when I spotted Gretchen dozing in the corner.

The hospital. That's where I was. I saw a nurse messing with my IV (funny how you don't notice there's a needle in your veins when you have bigger injuries to worry about), she turned to me with a smile, her pink curls twirling in the sun. "Oh good, you're awake!"

I groaned. The pain wasn't as bad as it was, but I still felt achey all over and whatever pain meds they had me on were making me really groggy.

The nurse leaned over. "It's okay sir, how are you feeling?"

I suddenly felt 10,000 times worse. "I'm a girl..." I mumbled, weakly.

She winced. "Oh dear... I think I may have to check your painkillers again."

"Pepper!" Gretchen called, startling awake at the noise. She rushed to my bedside. "Are you okay? Do you have a fever? Did they stitch red to red, white to white?"

The nurse held up her hooves, uncertain what to do when confronted by a giant griffon. "Ma'am, I assure you, your friend is getting the best care we can offer, but he needs his rest."

Gretchen narrowed her eyes. "She needs her rest. Seriously, how the heck do you not know she's trans? She doesn't even have testicles."

The nurse's eyes widened. "He's a trans mare?"

I groaned. "Yes, 'she' is a trans mare, I have the diagnosis of an MD, and a Clinical social worker, and have been on hormones for over a year. Can you please just tell the doctor I'm awake?"

To her credit, the nurse just nodded and cleared out of the room. She still looked confused though. I shook my head. "Why, why, why does that have to be all I talk about..."

Gretchen raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

"I just got stabbed and people are talking about my genitals..." I eyed the griffon above me. I smiled. "Thank you, by the way."

The griffon's feathers fluffed up in embarrassment. It was kind of adorable. "Well, you know. Just doing what I did during the whole outbreak thing. No biggie."

I raised an eyebrow. "Wait, a minute, do you have formal medical training?" Her being a healthcare professional would look great on her citizenship application.

She shook her head. "Nah, I've got a lot of experience, but it was mostly because I got sick early and we didn't have a lot of claws to try and save people with. Pretty much everyone who lived through that hell did a little bit of medical grunt work." She looked down. "I may have picked up a bit more because I was having meaningless sex with one of the nurses that came to help us..."

I sensed there was more to the story, but the look on her face made me suppress my urge to dig deeper. I put a hoof on her shoulder. "Well, however it happened, you saved my life. Again." I smiled at her, rubbing my hoof through her feathers. "You seem to be pretty good at that."

She got an almost giddy look on her face. "Happy to oblige... So... What now?"

I leaned forward, thinking. "Did you call my job yet?"

She nodded. "Yeah... That Struck Chord guy's a real talker huh?"

I smirked. "Yeah, you could say that." Then the color drained from my face. "What did he say about my absence? Did you tell him about the tree branch...?" Oh crap, I was so fired.

She held up a claw. "Relax, you're fine. Apparently Equestria's got some crazy disability laws, so you're getting 80% of your pay until you're patched up and then you can start working again."

I let out a breath, which hurt a bit, but mostly felt good. "What about the others? That storm was huge. Our Apartment house couldn't have been the only one damaged."

She frowned, thinking. "I actually saw more than a few people in the break room with similar injuries, but I don't know how much jacked up the town got. I've... kinda just been in here with you."

I smiled. She really was a sweetheart. "Fair that... Would you mind throwing on Algiraffa?"

She blinked. "Uh... What?" She looked completely lost.

I pointed to the ancient TV in the Corner.... Well, ancient technologically, it was actually pretty new. In the press release they had said something about 'deterring slipper theives', but I'll admit some details slipped past me. "The news Gretchen... Okay, granted the storm is probably not Algiraffa material, they're mostly international, but the local channel should be broadcasting. At the very minimum the Weather team is going to make a statement."

Her eyes lit up in recognition. "Oh! Cool, one sec." She reached into the side table next to me and pulled out a remote. She blinked at the two huge buttons with 0 and 1 on them and the code listing. "Uh... Pepper?"

Oh, right. "It's made for earth ponies so the channel numbers are in binary. You just type out the number and hit submit. PBC should be fine."

She nodded. "Nifty, but I have to say, the whole 'hooves' thing sounds rough."

I shrugged. "We've got some other stuff going for us. Now let's see what people are saying."

She flicked on the T.V.

"In our top story today, Barnyard Bargains has gained 10 stock points over their success cutting costs in their industrial division..."

Gretchen tilted her head. There were way bigger stories than that. "Okay... Maybe it wasn't so... Okay, that thing was horrible, but maybe they already talked about it?"

I grit my teeth, the gears turning. That storm was horrible enough for the weather patrol to not be able to control it. It should still be the 'top story'. Still... I suppose we were next to the Everfree Forest, so this sort of thing happened occasionally... "It would definitely be in the paper then, could you snag me a copy?" Every hospital has a news stand.

She nodded. "I'll be back in just a sec okay?" She smirked, "Just promise you'll save me the comics."

I snorted. "Promise."

She wandered off and the TV continued to blather on about minor corporate shifts... Seriously, I knew a lot of TV news stations were terrible, but shouldn't the local Ponyville station, run with Princess Twilight's blessing, provide you with a little more data?

When she came back she was carrying a small stack of papers. "Um I wasn't sure which one of them you wanted... So I kind of grabbed them all?"

I smiled. "Good impulse. I should probably be thorough." I felt a bit of a stab in my gut, totally unrelated to my injuries, when I saw the Canterlot Times... But I couldn't avoid it forever. Just to cauterize the wound, I picked it up first...

Nothing on the front page. I switched to weather. Still nothing.

I blinked. Canterlot was in the same region as Ponyville. That story should have made the news. I checked the Manehatten Bugle. Nothing. The Ponyville Tribune, a local paper. Nothing.

I dug through the entire damn pile, my twitching intensifying when I finally found something. Four lines... In the Foal Free Press.

I twitched. Gretchen was staring at me in my little pile of newspapers. They were starting to crumple in my grip. "Um... Pepper?"

"Nothing?!" I shouted. "There's seriously not a single freaking news outlet covering that storm?! It shut down businesses, it caused property damage, it... it...!" I pulled back my covers just to show the tube in my chest. "It injured people! And what? Now it's just getting brushed under the rug? Where are the reports from the weather patrol? Where are the disaster relief discussions? Where is... Where's everything!"

I gnashed my teeth and glared at the papers, hoping I could set them on fire with my eyes. This was a journalistic travesty. No, this was a coverup.

Gretchen looked more than a bit unnerved. "Um... Peppermint? Are you okay? This seems very unlike you."

I narrowed my eyes at her. "Maybe... but it's a heck of a lot like Pepper Punch." I glared at the Times, how far it had fallen. "I think it's long past time I picked up where that Stallion left off..."

Author's Note

I should note, I always felt weather catastrophes would be a heck of a lot more of a big deal in Equestria as they imply not just situations out of our control, but a failure of government climate control institutions.

Party time

Gretchen

I didn't think things could get any better when a full on vision of beauty descended in front of me.

He had light grey wings and feathers with a gorgeous crest that lead down to muscular, panther like loins. He was tall, but not too tall like some eagle griffons. He was in shape, but not with the overly bulky muscles of a lifter, no he was lithe and athletic. Made for stamina...

I think I was drooling a little.

He said something. I was so busy staring at him it barely registered. "Wha?" I asked.

"I said what the heck happened to you!" He snapped.

I was shaken from my reverie. "Huh?"

The cock looked shaken (I mean a male griffon, get your mind out of the gutter). "You're practically skeletal and all those lumps under your fur... Are you okay?"

I narrowed my eyes. He was becoming less attractive by the second. "Hey pal, I don't go around criticizing your looks." Not that there was anything to criticize... I gripped my guitar with a huff. "Besides, it's from the pox obviously, so y'all can shove it."

His pupils shrank. He stepped back. "You... You have Grover's Pox? That is really serious, it's not good for you to be on the street."

Okay, now I was getting mad. "I had Grover's Pox thanks very much. The lumps are my scars, thanks so much for pointing out how hideous I look. With all these ponies around, I didn't have some stuck up rich eagle to tell me how much I sucked. Now are you going to buy a song or not?"

His feathers fluffed up. "What? I'm not some racist, I'm just worried about you! And I'm not rich..."

I rolled my eyes. I knew his type. Rich son of a wealthy eagle family wandering about in a foreign country for the sake of an adventure. He probably had some cushy weather job and a green card while I was sitting... Well if not in the gutter, then directly next to it.

Still... he was hot. A smirk crawled up my lips. "Okay, okay...You know, if you're really worried about me I could give you a tour of my apartment. It's a studio, so it will mostly just be the bedroom. Perfect if you want to 'examine' me a little more..." I gave him my best 'come hither' look.

He blushed... "I... I have a fiance."

My expression fell.

"Besides," he continued, recovering startlingly fast, "You're right about one thing, some medical attention would almost certainly be helpful. Why don't you let me walk you to the hospital? I'm sure we can get you checked out."

Okay, that was out of the question. Hospitals always asked for your paperwork. Besides the local one and I had issues.

I raised an eyebrow. "So... I'm supposed to go follow a complete stranger presuming he has good intentions? Don't they put on plays about this in kindergarten?"

He threw up his talons. "You just invited me to your bedroom three seconds ago!"

I snorted angrily. "That was when I thought you were hot, but it turns out you're just an a-hole. Now if you don't mind I'm trying to work here." I sat down and started pointedly strumming my guitar, shooting him a nasty look.

Finally he got the hint and flew away with a sigh.

I rolled my eyes. Seriously, skeletal? What a jerk...

Peppermint

The laundromat dinged and I rushed to pull out my clothes.

They were second hand mostly, I couldn't afford anything else, but the dresses were mine at least and I took good care of them. I was just about to take them upstairs when Gretchen walked in, looking more than a little down.

I tilted my head, laying out out my red dress so it wouldn't wrinkle. "Gretchen? Are you alright?"

She sighed. "Yeah... I just met another griffon today, a real asshat. Hey, you have the night free right? After a day like today I could really use a girls' night out."

I froze. A girls' night out? What was that? Bars? I eyed my wilting dresses. Would I pass well enough for that? If I went to a bar were ponies going to give me trouble.

Gretchen noticed my worry, she walked over and eyed my dowdy garments. "You know, I think the black dress would look best on you... I'm not sure why you even have the red one."

I looked down. "It's the first one I found..."

The hen winced, then put a claw on my shoulder. "Hey, don't sweat it. I may be new to the T part of the whole LGB thing, but I know you're attractive. We just have to find you the right combo and tone your makeup down a bit."

I wasn't so sure... But I guess she was cis. "Can... Can you help me?"

She shrugged, but she was smiling. "Can you cook up a mean pizza?"

I groaned. "Can we not talk about Pizza? I eat way too much of that stuff." I think I gained ten pounds since I started my new job.

She grinned. "No prob Peppy, but only if you let me make you pretty. Tonight the stallions, and mares, are gonna go 'damn'!"

Gretchen

The first snag in our outing was getting to Ponyville. We ended up having to just walk there because the train was out. It took a while, but I had pretty stars and good company, so I was in high spirits when we got into town. The place wasn't exactly bustling, but it was gorgeous. It was filled with little thatch roofed hamlets mixed in with more modern buildings. Lights from a couple of taverns and restaurants danced all around. And the few ponies that trundled by were happy and laughing.

I was in awe. After the rough streets and single fast food place in the factory district I thought pony towns were just as bad as my old slum of a city.

I felt myself shrinking. This wasn't a place for someone like me.

Pepper turned back to me. "Gretchen? Are you okay?"

I gulped. She looked so much more like she fit in. She had a gorgeous flowing black dress on that, though well worn, really contrasted nicely with her white fur. With her makeup fixed, her face looked much better too. She was... Beautiful.

I shook myself. I had no idea where that thought came from. "I'm fine. So, know any good place to get some grub and a drink around here?" After moving in with Pepper I was dying to 'invest' some of my savings.

She scratched her head. "I'm not sure. I men, I'm new to town too. That place looks popular though!" She pointed to a bar called the Crow Hop' over on the other side of the street. The music coming out of it was soft, so we could talk and there were a bunch of happy stallions and mares visible through the windows.

I smiled. "Well, it's a bit crowded, but that makes it all the better to score some action..."

Peppermint blanched, which I didn't think was possible.

I rolled my eyes. "I'm not going to make you do anything you're uncomfortable with, but after a day like today I could use a confidence boost. C'mon! Let's head inside."

Peppermint

A solid beat filled the room and there was a bit of dancing going on on the floor, but it wasn't overwhelming.

I smiled. Gretchen was off getting snacks while I sat in our booth and took in the music. I wasn't much of a connoisseur of the stuff, but I always found it inspiring. Some of my best stories were written with a heavy metal beat in the background or were inspired by the mournful tune of a violin. I could never figure out what it was about the stuff that got to me, but the good stuff touched my soul in all the right places.

When Gretchen came back, she had a surprisingly large haul. A large order of cheese fries and a blooming onion, along with a couple of rootbeers. I didn't drink, and Gretchen wanted to 'keep her senses sharp while hunting booty' I had managed to giggle only a little when she said that.

She set down the food and tore a rather frighteningly sized hunk from the onion, gulped it down nearly whole. "Gods I missed these... Hmm..." She stared out at the crowd with an almost predatory smirk. "Nice selection, very nice."

I nibbled at a cheese fry and let out an uncertain noise. "I guess some of these ponies are pretty, but... don't you worry you're being a little objectifying?"

Her feathers slicked (she looked uncomfortably thin when she did that, but maybe it was just a griffon thing). "I'm not objectifying them! I just... appreciate their physical forms I guess? Besides, I haven't ever slept with someone I didn't respect, and I'm not going to start now."

I tried to accept that, but there was a part of me that still felt uneasy. It was weird to think about, being ogled by mares, or hens. People had said I was attractive as a stallion so I wondered how many conversations like this mares had about me.

Of course, now no stallion or mare would ever look at me so I guess it was all moot...

I shook myself. Now was not the time for a pity party. I turned to Gretchen. "Alright, then, find an attractive pony in this bar and..." I leaned back and did my best to smirk. "tell me why you respect them."

She grinned. "Now we're talking... Oooh! There!" She flung out a claw and pointed to a far booth.

The only one sitting there was an only moderately attractive brown haired aqua stallion scribbling at a sketch pad. I raised an eyebrow. "Him?"

Gretchen nodded. "Look at him, hot, but hot not enough to be a dick about how hot he is. Focused too, he's barely looked at the dance floor with how much he's sketching the lights. And he's an artist, one who seeks beauty in this dreary world. It bumps up his hotness like a hundred percent." She purred appreciatively. "And I don't know why, but I'll bet you anything he's a freak in bed too."

I tilted my head. "Wouldn't you want someone who wasn't a freak."

She rolled her eyes. "I meant maybe he likes dressing up or something, not that he plays with people's butt holes in the back of crowded theaters, gods..."

I held up my hooves apologetically. "Okay, okay... So what now?"

She took a sip of root beer and wiped herself off with a napkin. "Now I go introduce myself. We talk. We see if we like each other, and I ask if he wants to have some fun."

I felt clammy. "Just like that?!"

She smiled. "Just like that. Remember, the number one rule for picking people up is to be confident... And hot, but I've got that covered. Wanna tag along, be my wing mare?"

I snorted. She wasn't wrong. "Okay then Sensei, lead the way."

Gretchen

The stallion was even hotter up close. He wasn't as built as the griffon I'd met earlier, but he had this sort of absolutely adorable, nerdy look about him.

He looked up from his sketch pad as we approached. "Hello...?"

I waved to him. Pepper was trailing close behind with a blush on her face so red she looked like the world's most adorable tomato.

"Hi!" I said, "My friend and I are new in town and trying to meet new people. We saw you across the room and were wondering what you were sketching."

He smiled. It was impossibly cute. "I'm Canvas! Nice to meet you." He gestured to the other side of the booth. "Please, sit!"

Cute and nice? Score! I sat down as nonchalantly as I could manage and smiled back. I eyed my wing mare. Poor Pepper was stiff as a board.

I let out a breath. I'd just have to do my best to exude calm. I caught a glimpse of the stallion's pad. "So, stage lights... An interesting choice of subject."

The earth pony shrugged. "It's a bit of an experiment with rendering glares and beams. It's more of a doodle than anything I'd sell."

My eyes widened, genuinely impressed. "You're a professional artist? Nice! There aren't a lot of people that get to make a living doing what they love."

He looked off into the crowd with an airy smile. "Yeah... It was pretty rough getting to where I am, but I know I'm lucky." He turned back to me. "How about you? What do you do for a living?"

"I'm a musician." I said. Hey, don't look at me like that, it was true.

"Cool!" he looked over to Pepper, "Uh... Are you okay? You look tense."

Pepper flinched. "Sorry! I'm, just... Not good at strange ponies... Not that you're strange! I mean... Sweet Celestia, I really don't know how to be a wing mare..." Her eyes went wide. "I shouldn't have said that should I?"

I grimaced. There was a small part of me that was cursing her, but mostly I just felt bad for dragging her into this.

Canvas' face was a study. "Wing mare...? Are you hitting on me?!" He looked... Horrified, for some reason.

I held up my claws reassuringly. "Easy, easy. I'm just getting to know a cute stallion who happens to be a sensitive artistic soul. I'll admit, I'm interested, but can you blame me?" I turned to my room mate. "Hey Pepper, easy... Shhh...." I put a wing around the shaking girl, trying to soothe her a bit.

I gave the stallion an apologetic smile. "Would you mind if we took a rain check on this little flirtation? I think my friend could use some air."

"No!" He snapped, then winced. "I mean... yes, please make sure your friend is okay, but we are not doing this. I swear the one day I leave off my ring... I'm-"

"Canvas!" came a startlingly familiar, unpleasant voice. The griffon from this morning landed next to the stallion and wrapped a wing around him. "I'm so sorry I'm late. I saw this Gryphoness earlier today who seemed ill, so I decided to send in a report and..."

Only then did he notice Pepper and I sitting across from his fiance.

A thousand, horrible thoughts flew through my overtaxed mind. Pepper was scared, I was in serious trouble and I had no idea what to say in this situation.

And of course, I wasn't getting laid.

Fuck.

Author's Note

Troy and Canvas used with permission of romance expert TheVClaw