The Wrong Hole

by TheTimeSword

Rating: teen
Tags: Romance, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Rarity, Sex, Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Soarin
Length: 1878

Rainbow Dash reluctantly agreed to something new with Soarin. Before the big night, she asks her friends for advice on how to take it.

Tonight, Soarin and Rainbow Dash are going to try experimenting in the bedroom. Rainbow's a little nervous about Soarin's strange request. She doesn't want to hurt him, both figuratively and literally, so she goes to get some advice before the big night.

Written for the Monthly Shipfics group.

Published 2016-03-12 03:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-03-12 03:50:01 UTC

Ouch

A knocking came from the library door, causing the purple alicorn to look up from her studies. "Come in," she shouted. A rainbow colored mane bounced atop the pegasus as she quickly entered, closing the door behind her. "Oh, hello Rainbow Dash."

Twilight first noticed the frown on the cyan pegasus, then the brown saddle bag upon her back, something Rainbow Dash rarely carried. "Hey, Twilight," the pegasus greeted, a depressing intonation in her voice. She walked over to Twilight, looking down at the ground the entire time.

"Is something the matter, Dash?" Twilight asked.

Rainbow opened up the saddle bag, pulling out a book. "Twilight," she said, "I need some advice."

The purple pony closed her studies, then turned to face Rainbow Dash. "I'm always here to help," she replied, trying to glimpse the title of what Rainbow was holding.

"Well, it's pretty awkward to talk about." Rainbow gave the book to Twilight, fidgeting as she stood in front of her alicorn friend.

"You don't need to feel ashamed, we're friends. We-" she paused, reading the title. “Oh.”

Rainbow nodded and replied, "Yeah, it’s Pony Sutra, I told you it was awkward. Soarin and I have been dating a while and-"

"You're getting married!?" Twilight cut her off, dropping the book.

"N-No! That's not it!" Rainbow shouted, her face flushed a red hue.

"Oh, sorry," replied Twilight with a nervous laugh. "Please, continue."

With a hefty sigh, she looked back at the floor. "Soarin and I are going to be experimenting tonight, and I'm really nervous about it. He wants to try something that, well, it's just awkward."

"If you're not comfortable with it, then just tell him. I'm sure he'll understand," Twilight said, placing a hoof on Rainbow’s shoulder.

"No, I've already agreed to it. I'm not going to back down,” she said, shaking her head with determination. “I'm just afraid, well, what if I accidentally hurt him."

With an eyebrow raised, Twilight asked, "What are you two going to be doing? If you don't mind me asking."

Rainbow Dash's eyes looked up at her friend, she began to back away slowly. "Uhm, well," she stuttered, "it's butt stuff."

"Oh… OH!" Twilight replied, shocked by the revelation.

"Yeah," Rainbow mumbled.

"I don't really have any advice on that, Dash. I've never been in a relationship where that's come up." Twilight scratched her head, unsure of what she could say to the pegasus. "I could offer you some more literature that might help, some different authors," she mentioned.

"No, no. Thanks for the help Twilight," Rainbow turned tail and fled as swiftly as she could.

As the door to the library slammed shut, Twilight rushed to follow, but there was no way she could catch the lightning fast pegasus.

Rainbow Dash had already ran as quickly as she could, wanting to get away from Twilight's Castle, and the awkwardness that was associated with it. She wasn't paying attention to where she was going, an unfortunate mistake as she slammed into Applejack, who was working her family stall.

"What in tarnation!?" the earth pony shouted, stumbling forward, but catching herself before she fell.

Shaking off the dizziness of the impact, Rainbow Dash quickly apologized, "Sorry!"

"Dash! What were you thinkin'? You look like something spooked you worse than Big Mac when he sees a snake slitherin' about."

"S-Sorry, AJ. I had to get away from Twilight's Castle," she replied, rubbing her head in pain.

Applejack raised an eyebrow, confused as to why she would be running away from their mutual friend. "Why'd yah have to get away from Twilight? She tryin' to make you read again?"

Rainbow shook her head, then replied, "No, we just had an awkward conversation about b-" She caught herself before she said too much.

"About, what?" asked Applejack.

"Nothing, forget it," she huffed, darting her eyes away from the earth pony.

"Dash, you nearly knocked me out, the least you could do is explain what's wrong."

Rainbow began to fidget once more, afraid that somepony would overhear her embarrassing predicament. She looked around carefully before leaning in and whispering, "I need some advice."

With a nod, Applejack leaned in closer. "I'm here for you, sugar cube. What's wrong?" she asked.

"Soarin wants to try some, y'know, backdoor related activities, and I'm nervous that I'll hurt him," Dash replied, frowning at the earth pony.

Applejack blushed, unsure of how to respond. "I see. Well, I wouldn't worry about it. It can't be that bad, if it were, I'd be hearin' about more stallions going to the hospital after hangin’ with Mac." She let out a soft chuckle. A smile broke through Rainbow's distressed face.

"Thanks AJ, I needed that," she replied, quickly continuing on her way home.

“Good luck partner, you’re going to need it,” Applejack mumbled to herself.

Rainbow Dash was already feeling better after talking with Applejack, the fear no longer a forethought, she began to smile brightly as she hurriedly walked. Unfortunately, that fear would not be gone for long. As she passed the Carousel Boutique, she could hear the silvery voice of a white unicorn calling her name. The purple door opened, the voice calling once more. "Rainbow Dash! Over here!"

The pegasus began walking over to Rarity, curious as to what she would want. She saw the unicorn holding and waving a parchment in her hoof. "What's up, Rarity?" she asked after drawing close.

"Well, I just happened to receive good news from Canterlot, and I had to share it with somepony," replied Rarity, she then noticed the saddle bags. “However, that can wait. What’s going on with you?”

Rainbow's face immediately flushed. "What I-I can’t go shopping?"

“You look like you shoplifted something,” Rarity replied.

With a sigh, Rainbow said, "I wish, but instead, I asked for advice." Under her breath, she mumbled, "It was awful."

"Well, why don’t you ask me for advice?" the unicorn asked, her eyelashes fluttering like feathers.

Rainbow pouted her lip. “I guess you would have the most knowledge on the subject.”

“Which is?” Rarity raised an eyebrow.

“Soarin and I are going to be trying something new tonight, and I’m a little bit worried about the whole thing.”

“I can already guess by the look on your face and from your attitude,” she said with a grin. “I’ve got this, if it’ll help." Rarity levitated a small jar of white, creamy liquid from behind the door. "It's a lubricant, warm to the touch. I’ve always got plenty lying around, special formula from Zecora herself."

"Rarity, I..." Rainbow replied, stopping herself before continuing. Instead, she lifted up one of the saddle bag flaps, revealing two jars of the same type.

"Oh, well, I guess you're all but ready for tonight. No pun intended," said Rarity, placing the jar back inside.

Rainbow's disgruntled face was still red, annoyed at Rarity’s mocking. She then closed the flap and asked, "Are we done?"

"Don’t be so sour, Dash. I believe you'll do fine, have some fun tonight," she replied with a smile.

"Thanks." Rainbow Dash smiled back, quickly marching away from Rarity and out of Ponyville, wishing to avoid any more embarrassing conversations.

Just as she managed to reach the border of the town, her name could be heard once more. She gave an audible sigh, knowing she would just have to accept another bout of awkwardness. As she turned, she saw the yellow pegasus walking towards her with a smile on her face.

"Hello Rainbow Dash!" Fluttershy said, her voice quavered as she spoke. “It’s rare to see you out and about with a pack on your back.”

“Yeah, well, I had stuff to carry that needed concealment. Top secret dangerous mission,” Rainbow replied, hoping to end the conversation quickly.

“Mission? You do look pretty nervous. Can you talk about it?” Fluttershy asked, concerned.

Rainbow Dash gave a hoarse groan. She knew she shouldn’t lie to her close friend. “Actually, it’s just some stuff I’ve gotten for me and Soarin. We’re experimenting tonight, and I needed some supplies.”

“Experimenting? Like, b-bedroom stuff?” the yellow pony asked, genuinely curious as to what it could be. “W-What are y-you going to be doing, if you d-don’t mind me asking?”

“I don’t really want to go into detail, I’ve already had to do that enough today. It’s butt stuff, I’ll leave it at that,” Rainbow replied.

Fluttershy became flustered, but nodded that she understood. "O-Oh my. Well, uhm, I just w-want you to k-know," she spoke softly, returning to her squeaky, low voice.

"What?" Rainbow questioned, raising her eyebrow.

All the yellow pegasus could do was squeak and hide behind her pink mane. She tried as hard as she could to speak up, even after Rainbow Dash asked her to speak louder. After a few tries she finally managed to blurt her sentence out. "It's a lot of fun!"

Rainbow Dash was stunned, her face became as red as Fluttershy’s. She was speechless. “Uh…” was all she could say. Not even looking to see Rainbow's reaction, Fluttershy turned tail and flew off.

"Woah," Rainbow said, surprised by her closest friend's admission. With a smile, she eventually returned home, before she could run into a certain pink pony as well.

The next day, Twilight and Rarity were gossiping about the cyan pony and her partner. As they trotted around town, they happened across the object of their chitchat. Rainbow was sitting in a booth at Sugar Cube Corner, her stallionfriend sitting happily next to her. As the couple enjoyed their milkshakes, the two ponies entered the store and greeted them.

"Hello lovebirds,” said Twilight, waltzing over to the couples table.

Rainbow looked at her two friends, embarrassment washed over her face, fearful of what they might say. “H-Hey you guys, what are you doing here?” she asked.

"We wanted to see how you were doing this morning. After last night and all, I mean," Rarity replied, a smug grin on her face.

Soarin spat out his straw, and then yelled out, "You told them!?" Rainbow looked at Soarin, mouth agape, she turned back to her friends with panic in her eyes.

"It’s alright Soarin, she came to me for advice. Though I wasn’t much help," said Twilight.

"How humiliating," he murmured, slamming his face onto the table.

Rainbow got up from her seat. "Could we discuss this somewhere more private? Or, y’know, not at all?"

The two mares stared at Rainbow, looking to see her wince in pain or struggle to move her rear. “It’s nothing to be embarrassed about, trying new things is an adventure,” replied Rarity, still attempting to glance some fault in Rainbow’s stance.

"Listen, I’ll tell you guys about it later, alright? Soarin is uncomfortable about this kind of talk, so we’re just going to head off," Rainbow said. “C’mon Soar.”

He lifted his face up off the table. "Thank Celestia, this was way too awkward," he replied, scooting around the table. The girls noticed his movements were slow, his face wincing in pain. "Argh," he moaned, panting as he moved off of the booth.

Twilight and Rarity looked at one another, then back to Soarin as he stepped on the floor, his legs shaking beneath him.

“Ohhhh,” they said in unison.