“I’ll kill her! I’ll blast her fucking brains out I swear! If you don’t give us what we want, then you can say goodbye to this pretty little slut!”
The situation was dire... Fancy Pants and his wife, Fleur de lis had been kidnapped during a visit to Manehatten, the nobles having made large investments in improving the slums of the city, and had been hoping to see the ponies they had helped. Unfortunately, not everypony was happy to see them... and some were more than happy to take advantage of this generosity.
Hence the situation at hand. A tense standoff between the guards and the kidnappers. An abandoned warehouse was the location of the standoff. All the warehouse exits were covered with firearms, to ensure that none of the kidnappers could escape if they made a break for it. A purple sphere could be seen, sealing all the ponies within. Until the barrier fallen, no one without authorization could come in or out... physically, or magically.
There was five kidnappers in all, two pegasi, two unicorns and an earth pony. It was the earth pony, an orange stallion that was shouting at the guards. One foot on Fleur’s back, keeping the white mare pinned to the ground, whilst he aimed a scatter-blast at the back of her head. Across from them was the breach team, five guards, each with a firearm trained on one of the kidnappers.
“Five million bits! One millions bits each for me and my friends, or I’ll blow her fucking brains out! And I’ll ask for double after if you want the amazing Mr Fancy Pants back!” The posh, blue-maned stallion was on the ground in between the others. Trembling in fear and rage as a firearm was pressed against his back. The stallion wanting desperately to do something to help his wife... but in this situation, rendered helpless.
“We’ve given you five minutes, and we’ve heard nothing! I’m giving you until the count of five to get a promise to Celestia that we’ll get the cash. Otherwise, say bye bye to the slut!” The stallion growled, tightening his grip on his weapon. “One!” The guards glanced at one another, unsure what to do. Their headsets had told them to wait for reinforcements, but they were running out of time!
“Two!” Fancy Pants began to struggle up from the floor, trying to get into a position to intervene... only for a swift kick to knock him back.
“Three!” The guards began to tense, ready to move. They were simply out of time, where the hell were those reinforcements?
“Four!” Tense silence filled the room. Dragging on and on, seemingly for an eternity. Everyone waiting for the situation to turn hot....
“Five!”
CRUNCH
The earth pony fell silent in shock, looking at the golden clad hand that had appeared out of nowhere and crushed his hand, crushed the trigger of his scatter-blast... the stallions fearful gaze slowly making its way up the arm, following the golden armour up to the shoulder... and then to the impassive helmet, and the fierce green eyes within.
“Assault and murder of his majesty's officers. Assault and kidnapping of nobility. Ransoming and attempted murder.” The golden clad figure growled, the orange stallion trembling at the fire burning in their eyes. “Judgement: Guilty. Punishment: Immediate execution.” Before the earth pony could even blink, the figure struck. Swinging its glittering blade in a deadly arc, slicing through flesh and bone like a hot knife through butter. In an instant, the stallion was dead, bisected from shoulder to hip.
“Shit, shit!” Chaos ensued. One of the kidnappers tried to off Fancy Pants, only for a purple aura deflect the shot, taking out his leg. Another ran for it, only to be gunned down by the wait guards. The final two unloaded everything they had at the golden figure. Only for a faint purple aura flicker in front of its armour, absorbing the fire with ease. They had no chance to run, in an instant it was on them. Blade moving in a shining arc of death. Cutting them done with contemptuous ease.
The situation was resolved within ten seconds.
“Sir Fancy Pants, are you okay?” The golden figure flicked the blood of its blade, returning it to the shoulder sheath as it knelt down next to the noble, offering a hand to help him up. Something that Fancy Pants offered gratefully, the other guards helping Fleur to her feet as well.
“I am now thanks to you. I wasn’t expecting the Golden Paladin himself to come to my rescue. I thought you only answered to Celestia herself?” The Golden Paladin replied by putting a reassuring hand on Fancy’s shoulder as he answered.
“Not entirely true. I’m a still a member of the guard after all. But most of my orders come from Celestia herself yes, including this one. You are a loyal ally to Celestia after all, and an inspiration for all nobility to aspire towards. Why would Celestia not send her best to ensure that such an ally... and more importantly, a friend was safe and secure?” Hearing these words had Fancy Pant flush a little, both in pleasure and embarrassment.
“I simply live by the tenants that Celestia herself put down. It's not much really... though I am glad to hear she enjoys the weekly tea parties enough to call me a friend...” The stallion pausing and taking a few moments to gather himself. Dusting off his suit as he took a step back, saying. “Extend my formal thanks to Celestia when you report to her. If you will excuse me, I need to see to my wife.”
A nod dismissed the noble, who soon hurried to dote over his wife. Leaving the Golden Paladin to address the guards who gathered round him.
“Ensure that there is a full investigation of this. Celestia will want to know how exactly five slum-dwellers managed to get their hands on top-of-the-line firearms, and how they managed to take out five of guards without a single known causality in return. Identify them, and gather up all known acquaintances for questioning.”
“Sir yes sir!” Was the smart reply, the guards salute sharply, before hastily going about their business, calling in the other guards outside to help them. The Golden Paladin watched for a few moments, before nodding in satisfaction. The guards would take over the ground work now, they were better at investigations anyway. Fancy Pants and Fleur de lis had been rescued with no further qualities. With his mission completed, the armoured figure took his leave. Heading for the guard’s teleportation centre. He had a Princess to report to.
* * * * * * *
“Excellent work, I am glad to hear that Fancy Pants and Fleur de Lis are safe and unharmed.” The tall white mare said with a smile. Celestia, Alicorn of the sun and Princess of Equestria smiled gratefully down at the kneeling warrior. The alicorn stepping down from her throne in order to offer the Golden Paladin a hand to his feet, the two the only people in the throne room at this moment in time.
“That being said... I’m disappointed to hear that you didn’t attempt to take any captives.” Celestia added, her smile fading as the Golden Paladin accepted the offered hand. A heavy sigh escaping from the armoured figure as he climbed up onto his feet.
“I know... I’m sorry for failing you Celestia.” The bowed helmet was examined by Celestia for a few moments, before she rolled his eyes. Playing flicking the golden helmet and making its own flinch as it rang out.
“Oh don’t be so dramatic. I’m disappointed yes, but it's not exactly something easy to ask from you. The fact you’ve come so far, to stand before me as my Golden Paladin, despite your heritage is a testament to you self-control and determination. Besides, from what you said. None of the guards used stun-crystals either, so the fault is more with them than you. You did absolutely fine, and didn’t fail me in the slightest. In fact, go and get that armour off and relax, I’ll let you know if anything comes up that requires your attention.”
“Princess.” The Golden Paladin said, snapping to attention with a salute. Before relaxing and taking his leave. Exciting the throne room and allowing the audiences with the Princess to continue, before making his way through the castle. The guards on duty saluted the Paladin as he went by, getting a nod back as he worked his way out of the main castle. Heading to a tall tower standing a little off by itself. The large staircase was a little daunting for most... but the Golden Paladin just stepped onto the teleportation pad at the bottom, and was immediately at the top in a flash of purple light.
“Twilight, you here?” The paladin called out as he pushed the doors open, stepping into the massive room. Bookshelves dominated the walls, stretching up high to three times his height before reaching the second’ floor. A large hourglass dominated the centre of the room, sand slowly trickling through the narrow gap in the middle.
Scattered in between these two impressive fixtures was tables and workbenches. Some containing neatly arranged tools, whilst others had pits and pieces of equipment. A broken apart firearm here, a communications device there. Several suits of armour of differentiating weight... and to top it off, one long table with a rather long chemistry/alchemy set, bubbling merrily whilst a labcoat wearing purple unicorn moved from one to another. Apparently handling several experiments at the same time, horning glowing purple as she worked telekinesis. Of course, said purple unicorn was distracted by the Golden Paladin’s entrance.
“Ah! Just a minute!” The Golden Paladin nodded, heading for the stairs up onto the second floor of the area whilst Twilight Sparkle, student of Celestia put all of her projects on temporarily hold. By the time the paladin had sat down, the purple unicorn teleported up to the top. Just in time to see the Paladin removing the helmet... revealing a reptilian visage beneath.
“Celestia that’s uncomfortable.” The purple dragon said with a sigh, prompting a giggle from Twilight, gentle grasping the golden helmet with her telekinesis, and levitating it over to the nearby armour stand. The Cuirass followed next, with the Pauldrons and Gauntlets soon after. Lifting up a leg, the dragon watched as Twilight deftly removed the Cuisse and Greave on that leg, a pattern followed by the other.
“There, better Spike?” Twilight asked, smiling fondly at the dragon, even as he stood up in order to remove the Hauberk underneath the solid sheets of metal. Spike completely comfortable behind naked around the unicorn, though he still grabbed a lab coat to slip on as he answered.
“Much better. The guards have it easy. They just slip the helmet on and be done with it! Not like me, where the helmet’s enchanted to accommodate my bigger muzzle. Whilst not actually appearing that way.” Buttoning up the lab coat, Spike put his feet up onto the table, ignoring Twilight’s scowl. “I mean I get it. The Golden Paladin’s true identity is a secret, and I get why. But urg does it make wearing that thing uncomfortable!”
“Well, at least my shielding is holding up.” Twilight said, deciding to let the feet on table slide as she scanned the armour neatly arranged on the stand. “I’ll recharge it before we go to bed. Don’t want it out of commission in case an emergency comes up after all.”
“You mean like what had me dashing out of here in the first place?” Spike said dryly, sitting up straight again. “Still, I can’t believe it. If it was Upper Crust and Jet Set? I would of understood why. If it was Blueblood, I probably would of wanted to deck the bastard as well. But Fancy Pants and Fleur de Lis? The most generous of the nobility? Who has 75% of their yearly income going to charities and projects to help the poor? Why would you pick THEM as a target for hostages?”
“There is some logic to it Spike. After all, the more respected and well loved a pony is, the more likely ponies will pay higher amounts of bits to keep them safe.” Twilight Sparkle explained, finishing her scan of the armoured suit, before turning back to her friend. “Plus, most ponies aren’t... rational. My guess is that they were simply desperate or greedy, and took a chance they saw to become rich. It's like the lottery honestly. The bigger the jackpot, the more ponies take a chance at it, despite the fact that the odds are incredibly slim. Except for the lottery, if you lose. You just lose a few bits. For kidnapping if you lose...”
“You die.” Spike said flatly, getting a nod from Twilight Sparkle. The two fell into a grim silence after this. Neither of them having anything to say about the conversation subject. The dragon was eventually the one that broke the silence as he climbed up onto his feet, saying. “Well, your projects won’t continue themselves now will they? Any changes I need to know about since I got called out?”
“Ah! I’m glad you ask!” Twilight said giddily, the mare grabbing hold of Spike’s arm and dragging him along as she ran for the stairs. The dragon staying on his feet thanks to long experience with the purple mare, rolling his eyes as she began to babble on excitedly. “Whilst you gone, I was testing how the protective lining of the guards armour reacted to various alchemical substances, and it had an amazing reaction with an alchemical quickener, it became as hard as steel, without losing its flexibility or magic dispersing properties! I tried-”
“A dragon’s work never rests.” Spike said with a sigh, though he was smiling as dragged to join Twilight in conducting her experiments. The two work cheerfully together. Joking, teasing, and supporting one another. Twilight’s smarts and logical reason supported by Spike’s creativity and grounding. So wrapped up in their work were the two, that neither Spike or Twilight noticed the sun sinking down from the sky in order to dip under the horizon... not until they were interrupted by a white unicorn stallion opening the door, dressed in purple armour with a golden trim.
“Spike, Twilight, you two ready to go home?” The two pause in their conversation and work, turning to face the newcomer.
“Shining? But your shift ends at ten...” It was only after this that the unicorn turned and looked at the clock... and saw that it was actually elven... one hour from Midnight. Twilight Sparkle froze for a few moments, allowing dread to sink into Spike before the predictable explosion happened.
“OHMYGOSHITSALMOSTMIDNIGHTIPROMISEDMUMANDDADTHATI’LLBEHAVINGDINNERWITHTHEMTONIGHTTHEYMUSTBESOANGRYTHATIMISSEDAMEALYETAGAINORSOWORRIEDASTOWHYIDIDN’TTURNUPWHENISAIDIWOULDPUTTHEDINNERONMYCHECKLISTSOIDIDN’TMISSITINEEDTOGETHOMENOWINORDERTOMAKESURETHEYAREN’TUPSETANDBEGFORFORGIVENESS!” As the torrent of words escaped from the purple mare, Twilight zapped around her workplace, putting all of the projects on hold in record time. Her mane becoming increasingly disarrayed as she did so. Before Spike or Shining Armour could interrupt in order to try and calm her down, the mare vanished in a flash of purple.
“... Mum and dad simply delayed dinner until Twilight would turn up didn’t they?” Spike asked after a moments of silence, getting an affirmative nod from Shining. Sighing, the purple dragon turned to the stairs, saying. “Lemme change out of my labcoat, then we can head home. Mum and dad should of hopefully calmed down Twilight by the time we get home.”
“Considering that they’ve been raising Twilley for twenty years now, they’ll probably have her calmed down by the time we’re ready to go.” Shining Armour replied, chuckling as he leaned against the doorframe. “So how was your day Spike? I heard you got called out in an emergency. A kidnapping of nobility right? Couldn’t catch the details unfortunately.”
“Yeah, some idiots decided to kidnap Fancy Pants and Fleur de Lis and hold them to ransom.”
“Wait, seriously? Them of all ponies? Instead of targetting someone who actually pissed them off, like Jet Set and Upper Crust, or even more so, Blueblood. They pick the kindest noble of them all? Why in Equestria did they pick them?” Shining Armour said, sharing everypony’s disbelief. Unlike Twilight however, Shining was a guard... hence why Spike shook his head, saying.
“Honestly, I’m more worried about how they managed to get their hands on top of the line firearms. Just a high quality bolt-crystal is worth thousands of bits, so where in Tartarus did they get that gear? And how exactly did four ponies manage to ambush a squad of guards before they could call for backup? It was only because they began making their demands over radio that we managed to track them down.”
“... You think that there was someone behind this, don’t you?” Shining Armour said grimly, getting a nod from Spike as he came down the stairs. Now in a simple blue t-shirt and black trousers. “That would make more sense. I wouldn’t be surprised if they were hired for a hit, but went off script when they decided to ransom them for more money.”
“Exactly. It explains how they went from extreme competence, to extreme incompetence.” Spike said as he headed for the door. “The guards in Manehatten are going to be performing investigations. But I doubt they’ll be able to come up with this. Anyone who has the balls to try and off Fancy Pants will know better than to leave a trail that the average guard can follow.”
“Either way, it doesn’t bode well for the future.” Shining said, ushering Spike through the door and stepping through himself. Closing the double doors with his magic as the two used the teleportation pad to get to the bottom. “Whenever it be a noble who wants to off Fancy Pants due to being such a staunch ally for the Princesses, Celestia in particular, or simply because they want to make a move on his business... and with the rates of crime climbing seemingly every day, the guard are understaffed and overworked as it is.” This got a grim nod from the dragon as he replied.
“Yeah... I’m glad that your girlfriend is such a good diplomat, means that Luna can work directly with the nightguard to try and quash the criminal underworld, whilst Celestia does her best to keep the nobles in reign.” Glancing at Shining, Spike recalled what he had heard and promptly asked. “Oh yeah, isn’t Cadence meant to be coming back from the gryphon lands soon?”
“Yeah, she’s meant to be back sometime next week, and she’s promised me that she’ll take at least one day off in order to spend time with me.” Shining Armour said, a dreamy look coming over his face as he talked about the pink alicorn. Something Spike noticed rather easily, and smirked.
“So... when you finally going to put a ring on her?” Instantly, Shining Armour went from white to red, and began spluttering at the question. Seeing his older brother get so flustered so quickly had Spike laughing loudly. A lightness coming to his chest as he slapped the unicorn’s back. “Ah come on man, you know I’m kidding! I’m just grateful that I don’t have to be subject to mum’s ‘I want grandkids’ spiel.”
“Your lucky we promised not to tell mum about Kirin’s.” Shining Armour said with a huff, giving Spike a glare... not that he was really made. Just a little annoyed that Spike had managed to one off him so well. “And at least I actually have a lover. Unlike you, what with your magic resistance and hyper fertility meaning it's rather difficult for anti-pregnancy spells to work with you. Both for you and a female.”
“Do you have to talk about such stuff?” Spike said, his purple cheeks having taken on a reddish hue themselves. “You might have a girlfriend who encourages sexual freedom at the highest level. But most of us tend to keep sex and talk of it between lovers...” This got Shining Armour rolling his eyes, saying.
“Ah, you're no fun.” The stallion said, before shaking his head and changing the subject. “Still, it’ll be nice to spend time with Cadence again. The scrying mirrors make it so we can speak face to face over long distances... you don’t have any psychically about it. You can’t breath in the perfume they decided to wear that day... you can’t touch them, leaning against them... hug them.”
“Cadence is a good hugger, I’ll grant you that.” Spike said with a fond smile of his own... “Would be nice to have her back for a bit. I know Twilight would be ecstatic to be able to spend time with Cadence again. After all, Cadence is the one female outside of the family that Twilight can fully open up to. Celestia tries... but Twilight just never forgets the crown she wears.”
“And what about you Spike? You be happy for Cadence’s return for your own sake?” Shining Armour asked, the question taking the purple dragon by surprised.
“Umm... well.” Scratching his cheek, Spike pondered this question. “Yeah, I guess. I mean... its Cadence. Whenever she’s around, she really brightens up the household, mum and dad being pretty reserved, and Twilight more than happy to spend hours with her head in a book.”
“Always bring it round to others don’t you?” Shining Armour said, chuckling even as he shook his head slowly. “Guess that’s why you're the number one assistant. You aint happy unless those around you are happy.”
“What can I say? I had a wonderful family to raise me up to the dragon I am today.”Spike said, giving Shining a warm smile, which the stallion returned. Least before Spike nodded at the house down the street. “Anyway, seems we’re home. Mind going in first? You're the one with the shield magic in case we get ambushed by mum demanding where we’ve been!”
“I doubt that’s much of a concern.” Shining Armour said with a chuckle, though he did step forwards as requested. Giving Spike the peace of mind that the one with shield magic was entering first in case of matronly ambush as he opened the door calling out. “Mum! Dad! We’re home!” There was a small pause, before a lilac mare popped into the hallway.
“Shining, Spike, there you are! I was just beginning to get worried about you two!” Twilight Velvet swiftly closing the distance between herself and her sons to greet them home. “Really though, after Twilight teleported here in such a state. Couldn’t of you two hurried home instead of casually meandering home?”
“Sorry mum, thought it was best to give you and dad time to calm Twiley before we got here.” Shining apologized as he returned the embrace. Hugging his mother briefly, before letting go and allowing Twilight Velvet to hug Spike as well. “How is she anyway? Calmed down now?”
“If by calmed down you mean snoozing curled up against her father like a little filly, than yes. She’s calmed down.” Was the reply as Spike was hugged as well. The older mare smirking as she gestured at the doorway she had popped into. “Go and have a look. It's absolutely adorable!” Shining and Spike shared a glance, before smirking. Tiptoeing up to the door and peering into the lounge.
And indeed, it was adorable. Twilight was curled up in a small furry ball, resting against her father, sleeping quietly. The blue stallion looked rather comfortable himself, noticing his sons and smiling gently. Giving them a wave of welcome, though not speaking. Not wanting to wake his daughter up after he managed to get her to calm down so much.
Whilst originally smiling at the heartwarming sight, Spike’s attention was eventually drawn to the table, noticing that there was now a second paper resting on the first. Frowning, he nudged Shining, drawing the captain's attention to it. A frown flicked across the stallion’s face, as the paper was covered in his magical aura. Carefully and silently picking the paper up as the trio escaped to the kitchen.
The paper was a single sheet, an emergency print that was put out quickly to get the news out. Normally reserved for nationally emergencies... but upon flipping it round to see the front, it was obviously not an emergency. Not from the big bold letters proudly declaring. ELEGANT DIAMOND - FOILED!
“Wait what? The Elegant Diamond? The self proclaimed best thief in Equestria, and modern day Robin Hood? They manage to stop her?” Spike said, shocked by the headliner. Shining actually finding himself unable to speak as Twilight Velvet moved through the kitchen, making tea for them all.
“Mhmm, I’m surprised you haven’t heard anything honestly. It's been the talk of the city every since the sheet went out at four in the afternoon. Turns out that Captain Crimson Spark of the dayguard, working with the nightguard managed to lay out a trap for the Elegant Diamond whilst she attempted to access Fancy Pant’s vault. Whilst the mare herself managed to escape, they managed to nab and identify one of her gang.” Reading on, Shining Armour soon came to a colour picture of a pony in chains... a bright blue pegasi mare, glaring fiercely at the camera... most attention drawing however, was her rainbow maned color and tail.
“Rainbow Dash, performer of the famous ‘Sonic Rainbow’ and ex-wonderbolt candidate has turned to a life of crime after being rejected by the Wonderbolt. Taking up the mantle of ‘The Speeding Storm’, she ended up joining the Elegant Diamond’s crew as muscle, aiding in the getaways, as well as using her flying abilities to by-pass aerial security and disable it.” Hearing this had Spike frown, glancing down to the picture as well.
“Rainbow Dash? That’s one of the friends Twilight made seven years ago. During the Nightmare Moon incident...” The dragon muttered, not very happy about this. “I can’t see her being a criminal... she was so dedicated to what she set her mind to. So loyal to the wonderbolts and their believes, to go against their back like this and become a criminal? It... it doesn’t make sense.”
“Even the best of ponies act bad when they’ve hit rock bottom, and Rainbow Dash always was rash and impulsive.” Shining Armour said, shaking his head with a sigh, flipping it over so he didn’t have to look at it anymore. “Still hard to believe the Nightmare Moon incident was only seven years ago...” Glancing at the purple dragon, he asked, worried. “Are you alright Spike? I mean, they aren’t just Twilight friends, but yours as well. If it wasn’t for them, for... well, it wasn’t just us that had you become the golden paladin.”
“I... I would like to talk to her tomorrow.” Spike said slowly, hesitatingly. Twilight Velvet just finished making tea and dealt the cups out to her sons, whisking the paper away. Just as much to get their minds off it as it was to clear the table. Spike curling his hands around the hot mug, taking comfort in the heat. “Just... how does someone who was so good at inspiring others, who pushed me to follow my dream to become a guard myself... fall this far?”
“I’ll see what I can do...” Shining Armour said, reaching over and putting a reassuring hand on Spike’ shoulder, smiling at the dragon. “Things will work out, I’m sure.” The dragon smiled weakly back, but a thought kept niggling at him. Rainbow Dash, the Speeding Storm... working with Ironhide, the Trickster, the Delicate Butterfly and the Elegant Diamond... two earth ponies, two pegasi and a unicorn... lining up exactly with a certain group of friends... it couldn’t be possible that the others had fallen as well was it?
Author's Note
Thanks go to The Dragon Warlock for the inspiration that gave birth to this story!
