Author's Note
I color coded who's talking to help keep things straight. Yes, it's a very random story, deal with it.
A Fluster Of Clucks
Raiden, a human from the Canterlot realm, stands in a small room: the basement of the Princesses previous castle. He glares proudly from his suit of armor, at a large black mass of magic that resembles a centipede. The mass shudders in anger, “How could YOU defeat me?!"
Celestia and Luna both beam with joy! Luna stomps a victorious hoof on the ground, “You can never defeat the power of friendship! You may have been able to suppress Raiden’s first Element of Harmony, but friendship will always find a way!”
Raiden glows with a fiery red aura. His body slowly lifts off the ground, feeling a surge of power.
The Tree of Harmony stares in confusion.
“What the hell just happened!?” screams the Tree of Harmony
Another black tree, devoid of color stretches across the ground, guarding its own elements in the evil human world, speaks to Harmony.
“Oh God...did he just get another element?!” yells the Tree of Triumph
“He shall do.” says the Tree of Solitude mysteriously
A red tree, with massive glowing orbs of orange crystal fruit hanging from it’s limbs speaks to the other two trees, while guarding it's own realm in Canterlot Highschool.
Harmony “Cut the mystic crap Solitude, what the fuck did you do?!”
Solitude sounds surprised and annoyed at the same time, “I gave him one of my elements, he earned it! Sorry you were too slow to-”
“He already has two elements you dickbag!” yells Triumph
Solitude sounds horrified, “What do you mean he has two?!”
The Tree of Harmony sighs, “Triumph gave him one, but Zaran found a way to suppress it so I gave him one to borrow. Then when he stopped Zaran, I tried to take mine back but Triumphs element is making it impossible!”
Solitude pauses for a moment, “Oh...well fuck a duck. Um...do you think he’ll give it back?”
“Not fucking likely!” Harmony yells
Raiden flies to the left as a purple explosion of magic erupts from his side.
Harmony cries out in surprise “What the digital fuck?!”
The Tree of Chaos speaks from the evil pony realm. It grows to the side, with black bark dripping green poison. It's branches support silver fruit, that glitters ominously.
“Harmony!" The tree of chaos calls out with delight. "You’ll never guess who I found for my first element!” Chaos beams happily.
“Sweet shitty fucking christmas! Do you know what you just did?!” Harmony screams.
The Tree of Chaos gets annoyed, “Oh shove it up your ass! You kept telling me “Expand your horizon! Look hard! Look within!” And the one time I find someone, you yell at me! There’s just no pleasing you!”
Harmony, basically shrieking with rage, “That cockbite has FOUR goddamn elements! Do you know how insanely powerful he is?!”
“Well...well how was I supposed to know?!”Tree of Chaossays defensively.
Harmony “Ask first you deranged cockbite! Ok sweet titty fucking Celestia, how are we gonna handle this?!”
“How bad can it be?”Chaos says shyly.
Triumph weighs in sarcastically “Well lets see, when Celestia had 5 elements, she imprisoned her sister ON THE FUCKING MOON! “
“Um...well he only has four, but each is from a different realm. So...what happens?” The Tree of Chaos asks
Harmony “I have no god damn idea, we usually communicate to stop this shit from happening!”
Raiden lands on the ground, seething with magical power. He lifts his head up confidently, “Zaran. I will not allow you to destroy this world. Not now. Not ever. Not with the love of my life standing next to me.” Luna lets out a long coo, and cuddles up to Raiden. Raiden looks down at her, smiling under his metal helmet. He looks back to Zaran, “As long as I live, you will never-” Raiden goes quiet as his chest bursts with pink magical energy.
Harmony “Are you fucking kidding me?!”
Triumph“I’m sorry, it’s just what he said about Luna…” Triumph makes a sniffling sound “It was just so sweet!”
Solitude “You gave him...a fifth fucking element….the element of love...I...I just can’t even-”
“Oh that is such bullshit! If Triumph can give two elements, then I get to as well!” chaos says annoyed.
Raiden slowly lifts off the ground, as a black aura surrounds him.
Harmony cries in terror, “Stop it! Just fucking stop it! This is not a goddamn competition! Christ what the fuck did you give him!?”
Chaos beams with pride “Element of Hardship!”
Raiden slowly turns in mid air, as his eyes glow green. Luna glances at her sister “Um...do we need to...help him or…” Celestia looks back at her sister, shaking her head uncertainly while her mouth hangs open.
Harmony “Oh what the actual fuck?!”
“Yeah that was my bad.” Triumph says with guilt.
“WHY?!” yells Chaos
Triumph " Harmony never came to my party. So when he starts bossing me around I get mad.”
Harmony “Are...are you serious?! You fuckstick! Of all the times to be a raging assdemon you pick NOW?!”
Triumph “You see? This is what I’m talking about!”
Raiden’s body surges with purple electricity
Harmony “Triumph!”
"It wasn't me!" Triumph says in surprise.
Tree of Chaos “It wasn’t me either!”
Solitude “Hehe, hey this is kinda fun.”
Harmony “Do..do you know how god damn powerful he is now?!”
“Oh I’m sure he’s fine.” says Chaos with a dismissive tone.
Raiden bends over and vomits rainbows. The ground explodes. As the smoke clears, there’s a three foot wide crater, going almost a mile deep.
“Wow...vomiting nuclear rainbows. Didn’t see that one coming, and I’ve devoted my life to studying this crap.” says Chaos in awe.
“Hey! I can science too!” Triumph says defensively
Raiden sprouts golden wings. Luna and Celestia slowly start backing out of the room, watching in terror. Golden beams erupt from Raiden’s body, exploding on contact with the surface of the small room. Zaran glances at the sisters, “Ok lets get the hell out of here!” The three of them race up the stairs, exiting into the old throne room of their former palace. Luna stops and looks up in horror as a piece of the ceiling falls on her, trapping her legs under it. She calls out to her sister for help.
Zaran stops and looks at Luna , then back to Celestia, “Um..aren’t you gonna-”
Celestia doesn’t stop running “There’s no time!”
Luna gawks angrily at her sister “Oh you BITCH!”
Celestia stops and sighs annoyed, “Ok fine, but we really need to-”
Raiden teleports behind her, “Celestia!” Raiden cries desperately, “For the love of God help me!”
Celestia is momentarily frightened, but becomes sympathetic and approaches Raiden, “Ok Raiden, just calm down. We’ll figure this out toge-”
Raiden reaches out and touches her. Celestia explodes in a violent gory mess.
Luna gawks for a minute and starts shrieking. Raiden sprouts red horns on his head.
Harmony “No no no! Who the fuck?!”
Solitude “Not gonna lie, blowing up your girlfriend’s sister in front of her is metal as balls. He totally gets an element for that.” Solitude says while laughing.
Tree of Chaos “Wow...they are gonna need one hell of a therapist for this mess!”
Triumph “Wait, I have an idea! Harmony, give him your element of Loyalty!”
Harmony “Are you fucking insane?!”
Triumph “It may give him the emotional stability he needs to control his power!”
“Are...are you sure?!” says Harmony apprehensively.
“I'm positive! Trust me!” shouts Triumph.
Blue lasers come shooting out of Raiden’s eyes, sawing a wall in half. The wall of the throne room falls backwards, leaving the roof barely intact.
Raiden shuts his eyes and starts screaming “Luna! What’s going on?! Somepony help me!”
Luna starts trembling, “It’s...it’s ok...honey. Just...keep your eyes closed and think of me!”
Raiden does his best to stay calm “Ok um...ok I’m thinking of y-”
Luna explodes.
Raiden “L...Luna?” silence “Luna are you there? I need you to help me!”
Zaran stares in silence and slowly tries to skitter away. He bumps a can on the floor, "Balls..." he mutters.
Raiden turns his head towards the noise, “Luna? Is that y-” Zaran is blasted away in an explosion 100 feet wide, stretching farther than the eye can see.
Solitude “Wow...he thinks about things...and they die…” says Solitude in amazement and surprise.
Harmony “Oh my Christ! How many elements does that make it?!”
Tree of Chaos “Um...eleven. Eleven fucking elements.”
Solitude “I counted twelve.”
Tree of Chaos “Trust me it’s eleven.
“Oh yeah?” says Solitude angrily.
Raiden’s hands glow orange.
Harmony “Sweet buttfucking Celestia!”
Tree of Chaos “Dude…”
Solitude “See? Told you: twelve.” says Solitude with a snarky tone.
Harmony "You know Solitude, for the tree that guards the good human realm, you're the biggest dick out of all of us!"
Raiden teleports to Canterlot highschool. He holds the sides of his head screaming. He opens his eyes briefly. A small glance tears through half the highschool, making part of the building slide off. The Mane 7 come rushing out. Applejack puts her hands on her hips. With a stern tone she calls out to her friends, "Alright girls! Time to pony up! No one is a match for all six of our elements! "
Harmony groans loudly in embarrassment.
Applejack clenches her fist and holds it in front of her threateningly, "Lets show this jerk what happens when-" Raiden screams and reaches out towards her. A fireball erupts from his hand, and plows into Applejack, sending her through the entire building almost instantly before exploding.
Rarity puts her hands to her mouth and shrieks in horror.
Twilight sparkle glances at everyone apprehensively, "Well um...maybe the power of...friendship will help us?"
Raiden turns to her, "I vomit exploding rainbows, you can shove your friendship up your ass!"
Pinkie Pie puts her hands on her hips and glares at Raiden, "Jeez you need to learn some manners Mr.Pottymouth!"
Fluttershy sets her backpack down, and pulls out a small white rabbit. She tosses him gently a few feet, "Run angel!" she cries. Angel looks at Raiden and glares. Despite fluttershy screaming in protest, Angel runs up to Raiden and gives him a tiny rabbit kick to his shin. Raiden instinctively kicks Angel, who hits a three foot wide tree so hard, he plows through its trunk, toppling it over. Fluttershy and Rarity both scream, before being teleported randomly.
Rarity looks around confused, standing in front of the Tree of Solitude. "Hey cutie!" Solitude says suggestively.
Rarity's mouth trembles, "Wh-wh-where am I?!"
"Um...that's tough to answer." says Solitude confused.
"Well...where are my friends then?!" Rarity cries in desperation.
Solitude "Oh, they're basically dead. Here wanna see?" A mystical screen of magic appears in front of Rarity, showing looped footage of Applejack being launched through a school, and Fluttershy dying in the vacuum of space.
Rarity screams in grief.
Solitude sighs with annoyance, "You're not gonna do that every time I show the footage are you?"
"Why did you save her?!" yells Harmony.
"Dude, everyone loves Rarity, come on!" says Solitude defensively.
Spike comes running out of the school, "Twilight? What's going-" Spike stops as he looks around at the destruction. He sees Angel's body plastered to a stop sign. Spike starts screaming, "No! Angel! My lover!"
Twilight Sparkle stares at Spike in shock, "Fluttershy lets some weird shit go down behind closed doors..."
Raiden stumbles around, outside Canterlot Highschool. He vomits rainbows again, which quickly eat through to the planets core. A few minutes later, fissures filled with lava start erupting all over.
Twilight, Pinkie Pie and Sunset all look at eachother. Pinkie Pie shrugs, "Wanna have a threesome?" The other two girls nod, and begin taking off their clothes. Raiden soars into the sky as the planet beneath him slowly drowns in lava.
A burst of rainbow energy comes out of him, as the entire planet explodes. Raiden manages to have a shield of energy around him. The outburst of energy continues past the former Earth, annihilating suns and other planets as it stretches outwards to infinity.
Solitude “Oh fuck! My reality!” Solitude says in horror.
Harmony “He can blow up a fucking reality?! I didn’t even know that was a thing!”
“Hahahah! Serves you right you miserable pig fucker!” Chaos say's Triumphantly.
“Oh that’s it asshole! Lets see how you like it!” yells Solitude.
Raiden grows an extra pair of red wings, with silver tentacles out of his back. He teleports to a duplicate Canterlot palace, with an evil Celestia sitting on her throne. Her normal attire is replaced with crimson red duplicates of the same clothing. Raiden runs around screaming, as random items get crushed by an invisible force.
Evil Celestia, sitting comfortably on her throne, stops drinking her tea and stares dumbfounded.
Evil Celestia “Well fuck me sideways.” she says in a flat tone. A pony slave comes walking out, looking exhausted and depressed, "Yes my mistress."
Raiden howls again, causing another shockwave that rips the planet apart, and continues outwards. Red tears in time and space start erupting in the vastness of space.
Harmony “Sweet Lucifer’s balls!”
Tree of Chaos “Oh that is so not cool!”
Solitude “Oh shit! That’s like...14 elements now.”
“I hate you all.” Harmony says with defeat.
“Hey, wanna fuck with Harmony?” Chaos says with a mischievous laugh.
Harmony “Don’t you god damn dare!”
Solitude“Hehe, might as well.”
Raiden grows purple spikes on his knees, a green lion's tail, and pink gills
Harmony “Gills?! The fuck does he need gills for?! He’s in goddamn space!”
Solitude “Maybe he breathes...space water?”
Tree of Chaos “Oh shut the fuck up you idiot!”
Raiden howls, his voice as deep as a cannon. The poor citizens of good Equestria are teleported in front of him, planet and all. They all explode in a horrific mess of pony parts and pieces of planet.
Harmony stares silently.
Raiden lets out bolts of yellow lightning that create tears in time and space around him, before teleporting in front of the four trees.
All is white, as their current reality is both everywhere and no where.
All the trees cry out in fear as Raiden screams with power “Help me!”
Harmony “Take it! Just take all the god damn elements!”
Raiden becomes an unrecognizable mass of rainbows as he explodes one last time, ending all known comprehension of reality.
The end.
