Villany, Treason and Jam Donuts

by StormbadgerXIII

Rating: everyone
Tags: Nightmare Moon, Trixie, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Gilda, Queen Chrysalis, Random, Discord
Length: 2934

The major antagonists of FiM discuss a revenge plan.

The major antagonists of FiM discuss a plan of revenge on the Mane 6 and Celestia. However, with contant interruptions, sidetracking and lack of interest, things don't exactly work...

Starring Discord, Nightmare Moon, Chrysalis, Flim, Flam, Gilda, the Diamond Dogs and Trixie THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE!!!

Thanks to the ever-awesome SStwins for the cover image.

Published 2012-06-13 18:54:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-08-23 02:48:29 UTC

Chapter 1

Villany, Treason, and Jam Donuts
By Stormbadger

The room was very poorly lit, with naught but a single, bright lamp on the circular table in the centre. There were about 10 seats, each of a distinctly unique style, softened by scarlet pillows (except for the largest one, which was a stone-carved throne, softened by pink, curly ones).

Of course the room had to be poorly lit, thought Trixie as she entered the room. Not only was the lamp insufficient to bathe the whole room in light, but Celestia's sun was off on the other side of the world, the only outside illumination coming from the full moon.

The blue mare found the seat with her name taped on the back, and huffily sat down, muttering indistinctly about how she could choose any damn seat she wanted. Why she chose to sit on that one despite her claim would forever confuse the other atendees, who started following the G+PT (as Trixie felt she deserved to call herself that).

A massive ebony alicorn, armoured in a strange blue metal, stormed in (literally, her mane was a miniaturised thunderstorm), head raised in contempt. She took the seat labeled 'Nightmare Moon (Luna)', glaring at Trixie. Trixie felt her heart jump but she 'humph'ed it off.

The next in was Gilda, her large brown wings folded onto her body. She found her seat and flopped onto it, crossing her legs and placing her talons behind her head.

Following behind the griffin was Flim and Flam, grinning like the smug little sods they were (or, so thought everyone else in the room). They took their seats, adjacent to the other, removed their hats and placed them on the table. Nightmare glanced at their direction, but Flim waved it off with a hoof.

Three more figures walked in. Well, lumbered would be a more appropriate term, as they dragged their large knuckles on the ground. They took their seats (the biggest one next to Trixie) and began... doing... Diamond Dog things. Like scratching themselves. Or, as Spot (the runt of the litter) quite happily did, sniffed Gilda, getting a talon on the nose for his efforts.

The second last and second most impressive entry was that of Nightmare Moon... again? As she took her seat next to the throne, adjacent from Trixie as well (talk about being stuck in the middle), the first Nightmare Moon bellowed "Desist with your disguise!"

"I am not an impostor, impostor!" The second one bellowed back, narrowing her eyes to meet the first's. After Equestria's most intense staring match (which the first lost), the second shimmered in green fire, turning into a similar-sized insectoid creature.

"I win." Chrysalis purred. Nightmare simply growled.

The last to enter didn't even use the door. Nor did he use any of the windows. Or the walls, for that matter. He just simply teleported in from Celestia-knows where, wearing a sombrero/poncho combo and dancing, singing horribly off tune. The Diamond Dogs clutched their ears in pain, Trixie just stared. Flim and Flam glanced at each other with a look of 'he's bad at this, isn't he?'. Finally, the erratic-bodied creature stopped, and as he snapped his fingers the hat disappeared.

"Glad you could join us, Discord..." Nightmare said, her voice dripping with annoyance.

"Oh, don't be so glum, Luna." Discord retorted, sitting on the fluffy-pink-cloud-throne. The clouds leaked chocolate milk.

"My name is not Luna!" Nightmare snapped, slamming a booted hoof on the table. "You'd do best to remember that." Discord just 'pff'ed it off.

"So, why did Nightmare Moon summon the Great and Powerful Trixie?" Trixie asked, bored out of her little pony mind.

"I didn't summon you, subject, it was Discord." Nightmare growled, pointing an accusing hoof at the draconequus. Said draconequus stiffled a laugh.

"Trixie did not receive a letter from Discord." Trixie quite honestly (Honesty? Trixie? What is this?!) said, levetating the letter in question out. Discord still held back his laugh.

"I sent no such thing!" Nightmare snarled.

"Then why does it have your name on it?!"

That's it. Discord broke out in a fit of laughter which turned all eyes on him. "You... you should see the looks on your faces!"

"What is the meaning of this?!" Nightmare bellowed.

"Why, to fool you little ponies, of course!" And with that the draconequus kept laughing, much to the aggrovation of Nightmare and Trixie. At least they could hate someone other than each other.

"Why ponis laugh?" Rover (the Diamond Dog in the centre of the group) asked. This question, aside from the obvious lack of proper grammar, was so incorrect that Discord laughed harder.

"'Why doggies stupid?'" Gilda mocked, a grin forming on her beak. If Discord could laugh harder...

"BE SILENT, FOOLS!" Nightmare shouted, and everyone shut up. Discord's laugh devolved into a giggle. "We are here for an important matter, and we should not-"

"I'm only here for the food." Gilda muttered nonchalantly.

Nightmare faltered. "Most of us are here for an important matter." She turned to Flim and Flam. "Of course, I see no need for you to be here. Discord, why did you bring these two here?"

Discord stopped giggling. "Because they brought the cider. And they have resources we need." He stopped for a second before adding "like cider."

Nightmare arched an eyebrow. Discord shrugged before snapping a glass of chocolate milk in his paw.

"I must say, this is one mighty..." Flim started, struggling for words.

"...small room?" Flam added unassuredly. Flim nodded and added it to his line too. "Couldn't you make it a smidgen brighter?"

All at once, Trixie cast a light spell, Nightmare screamed in refusal, Discord magicked seventy working lightbulbs on the roof, Gilda faceclawed, the Diamond Dogs slid under the table, Chrysalis vainly covered her eyes (stupid cavities), Flim's thank you died on his lips and Flam slammed his eyes shut. The light was as bright as a minaturised sun, fortunately without the heat. It was still painful.

Flim screamed in pain. Trixie had managed to cover her eyes after she cast the spell. Discord had suddenly aquired a pair of mirrored sunglasses. He snapped his fingers and all lights but the single lamp disappeared.

Nightmare glared hard at Discord. Discord laughed it off. Flim couldn't help but swear (so I'm not transcribing it, thank you very much). Flam comforted his brother as the Dogs returned to their seats.

"Enough of these childish pranks!" Chrysalis yelled, blinking the flashes of white from her eyes. "I grow impatient."

"Oh, fine, Miss Queen-Mightypants."

"I am a queen!"

"I know, I know, keep you holes on."

Chrysalis balked, wanting to retort but knowing there was something more important to do. "In any case, the matter at hoof is our plan of revenge against those who have stopped our efforts. Namely..." she telekinetically threw a picture down. "...these six mares and their associates."

Gilda grabbed the photograph. "Dash's still hangin' with her dweeb friends, huh." She looked up at Chrysalis. "Still, I'm only here for the food."

"What a ridiculous reason." the changeling muttered.

"Let Trixie see that!" Trixie growled, magically snatching the photograph from the griffin's talons. She pulled it to her face, and instantaneously her haughty look turned into a rage-fueled squirming mass of anger. "Twilight..."

Flam (still comforting Flim, who recently regained the ability to see) took the photo. "Ah, Applejack. How I so wanted to own your farm and make millions... but no, your 'old-fashioned ways' were more important." He tossed the photo to Nightmare.

Nightmare slid it over to herself with a hoof. She muttered indistictly, throwing it to the Diamond Dogs. All but Rover dived for cover, knowing full well what the white and purple unicorn on it had done. Rover just growled, fighting between tearing it up in rage or using it as toilet paper (not that they ever used toilet paper before, but hey, no better time to start). He eventually decided on flicking it to Discord.

Discord didn't even bother looking. He needed no reminders. If anything because he didn't care, ultimately. They beat him, sure, but all that did was delay his fun for a while. Stupid mares...

Chrysalis took the photo back. "Now that we all know why we hate these mares and their families, friends, associates, yadda yadda yadda..."

"We need a plan to wreak our revenge." Nightmare added.

Discord peered from behind his glasses. "Plans? Why do we need plans?"

"Plans for smarties." Fido (the massive Diamond Dog next to Trixie) blurted out. "Plans bad for dogs. Plans make brain hurt."

"Brain wouldn't hurt if you weren't so dumb!" Spot quipped.

"Enough!" Rover barked, stopping the two Dogs from tearing each other apart. "We listen to big pony's plans."

"Trixie agrees with... um..." Trixie started, waving a hoof at Rover's general direction. "...that one."

"Rover."

"So, now that we've agreed to decide what we're going to do, large scale..." Chrysalis said. "...what can everyone bring to the table, aside from a burning desire for revenge?" She pointed at Flim and Flam.

"Why, only the finest Earth pony and unicorn-made technology known to ponykind!" Flim boasted, his vision blurry.

"Plus the refreshments for when our plan is a success!" Flam added, his vision not blurry. "Only 1 bit per tankard!"

Chrysalis just stared, then moved on to Nightmare Moon. "And you?"

"Control of the moon, of course. Eternal night." She paused. "And leadership skills."

Chrysalis pointed to Gilda. The griffin bristled.

"Claws and wings." She shrugged. "Like I said, unless I get to beat the crap out of Dash, I'm only here for the food."

Next was the Diamond Dogs. "We dig. Dig good. Also, gems. Not all of gems, but gems."

"And theme music!" Spot piped, pulling out a CD player.

"We agreed, no theme music!" Rover growled. Spot looked downtrodden.

Trixie came next. "You dare ask what The Great and Powerfull Trixie can do?!"

"Yes." Chrysalis said bluntly.

Trixie blinked. "Well... I can harness the greatest magic in all of Equestria."

Nightmare counted silently. "Well, forth-greatest."

"What did you just say?!"

Nightmare lifted her head up. "Behind me, Twilight and Celestia."

Trixie was going to answer back, but you try arguing with a goddess.

Chrysalis addressed the rest of the group. "I have with me a whole army of shape-shifting drones."

Discord grinned. "And as for what I can bring to the table..." he snapped his fingers, and a gargantuan plate appeared in the centre (the lamp was now on the roof), covered in... "jam donuts!"

"Don't mind if I do!" Gilda laughed hungrily, snatching one in her talons.

"Jam donuts?" Nightmare said, unimpressed and confused. "Really?"

"Why, yes indeed." Discord added. "But I also harness the ability to mess around with reality, so there's that too."

Flam bit into a donut. "Well, that's all good, but how do we use these abilities against our foes?"

Nightmare grinned, leaning against the table. "Easy. I have come up with a great plan which will use all our talents to maximum effect. It will take a while to set up, but with my alter ego I can set up everything nice and without has-"

"Luuuunaaaa!" Celestia called from out of the room. "Dinner's ready!"

Nightmare removed her helmet, tranforming into a smaller shadow of her former self. "I'm not hungry!"

"Nonsense, it's your favourite!"

Nightma- Luna looked conflicted. "But you knew I was having friends over!"

"So that's why I made extra!"

"But we're busy doing important stuff!"

Celestia stopped. "If you don't grab it now, I'll eat it all!" There were hints of repressed laughter.

"What?! Not fair, 'Tia! Besides, remember what happened last time? You got sick!" Discord and Chrysalis exchanged looks of 'is she for real?'.

"And it'll be your fault! So grab your dinner and stop fussing."

"Alright, alright!" Luna turned to the others. "Sorry, I gotta go."

Discord vanished the plate of donuts as Luna walked out, returning with several plates of delicious-looking fries and burgers. She handed them out to everyone before donning her helmet, transforming into Nightmare once again.

"Honestly, she doesn't know when to quit." She clopped her hooves together. "Right, where were we?"

"Plan?" Gilda muttered.

"Ah, right. Anyway, my plan is-"

"Do we really need a plan?" Discord asked, swallowing everything on the plate (and the plate, too) in one bite.

"Yes, because otherwise we'll all be defeated... again."

The draconequus shrugged. "Make it all you want, I might not follow it. Or I will."

"That's... comforting." Chrysalis muttered.

"Anyway, here's the plan." Nightmare began. "Luna will tell those 6 mares, as well as all the others, to come to meet me for a special occasion. The changeling horde will disguse as the crowd, and then when they arrive we spring the trap, capturing them."

"Trixie is liking this plan."

"Well, that's not a bad plan..." Flam started. "...but what do we do after that?"

Nightmare paused. "Whatever you want. But-"

"Kill!" Fido bellowed.
"Twilight is mine!" Trixie yelled.
"We will feast on their love!" Chrysalis shouted.
"Leave Applejack to us." Flim said, his brother nodding.
Discord said nothing, only drinking his glass.
"Feh, long as I get Dash." Gilda muttered.

"...as long as you cooperate." Nightmare said after everyone said their piece. "Killing them would not be the best idea."

"Pony bad. Pony must die!" Fido yelled. "Why you no allow dogs to kill pony?"

"Because I want them alive!" Chyrsalis shouted before Nightmare could get a word out. "We require their love to survive, you ignorant fool. You would be depriving us of our food!"

"There jam donuts." Rover said. "You eat food, right?"

Chrysalis didn't say anything. Whether this was because she couldn't consume food or because she had been defeated, we will never know. Probably because Discord interruped.

"Well, this is all very well and good, but I would like to be able to have some fun too. After all, your plans are... boring." he said, tossing his chocolate milk out a window. The kaboom and the scream of a royal guard were ignored by everyone.

"But your plan would make it impossible for us to feast!" Chrysalis growled. "You would starve us?"

Discord put a talon to his chin in though. "I don't see a problem with it."

Nightmare sighed, her head hitting the table. "Why can't you two just cooperate?"

"She's too serious about this whole thing!" Discord said, pointing at the changeling queen.
"He's only thinking about himself!" Chrysalis cried, pointing at the draconequus.

"Oh go get a room." Gilda muttered, swallowing the remains of a jam donut.

More yelling. Nightmare drilled a hole in the table with her magic and lowered her head further, placing it in her hooves.

Flim slammed his hoof on the table, the jam donuts bouncing slightly. "Why don't we try to find some sort of compromise? There are more than one of them."

"As long as we get Applejack, my dear brother of mine and I perfectly fine with whatever else goes on!" Flam added.

"And so long as we can have her property, too." Flim continued.

"And her money."

"And her business."

"And-"

"I get it!" Nightmare yelled. "Anything pertaining to Applejack, you can have."

"Can I have her hat?" Discord asked. A chorus of 'no's followed.

"Dash and her dweeb friend Pinkie Pie are mine." Gilda growled. "And if any of you losers think otherwise..."

"You'll what?" Chrysalis smirked. "Claw me to death?"

Gilda balked.

"We do not need those two to feast." the queen added.

"Whiny pony is ours!" Spot yipped.
"Trixie shall deal with Twilight!" Trixie shouted.

"Oh, this is never going to work." Discord muttered. "I know we could all have one pony each, but I don't see how that'll benefit any of us."

"Why don't we do as I originally thought, and imprison them all?" Nightmare added. "Except Celestia; I shall deal with her myself..."

"Oh, come on." Trixie muttered. "How are we all going to get our revenge if we can't even touch them?"

"And what's to say they won't break out? I mean, Twilight can teleport!" Flam added with concern.

"Anti-magic fields. Durr." Nightmare said, but noted that Discord was smiling. That was never a good sign.

"What about Applejack's applebucking?" Flim continued.

"And whiny pony's... pony-talking skills?" Rover added.

"Plus the royal guard'll won't be on our side." Chrysalis mentioned.

"And who knows what Dweebie Pie can do." Gilda muttered, then everyone looked expectantly to Nightmare.

She just blinked. "Oh. Well... never mind, that was a stupid idea anyway."

Discord was still smiling.

"What?" Nightmare asked in frustration.

"Oh, nothing. If you'll excuse me, I have a stone statue to return too." He winked at Nightmare and then disappeared in a flash of light.

"What was that all-" Trixie muttered in stark confusion.

"Lunaaaaa!" Celestia called out, entering the room loudly with a huge smile on her face, levitating some bowls of pink ice cream. "Time for deseeeer-" She opened her eyes.

"H-hi s-s-sis..." Nightmare stuttered. "I-I-I-I can explain!"

Celestia blinked in sheer shock. "Um..."

"Trixie is out of here." Trixie mumbled, trotting past her benevolent ruler and leaving Nightmare/Luna to her doom.

An important announcement for the fans of this story, or onlookers, or whoever's interested

Due to the addition of new villains, plus a sense of 'this work needs improvement', I am liable to write a sequel to this story, involving more characters and better writing (because let's be honest, this isn't by best piece of work.)

So, stay tuned for:

Villany, Treason and Jam Donuts 2: Wanton Discussion