Author's Note
I started out with an idea and went totally nuts. Didn't even do it on purpose. You have been warned that this is a terrible fanfiction and I should feel ashamed.
I don't. :)
Factotum
In the life of one of Equestria's Princesses, all was calm and quiet for once. Day court was over, and finally Celestia could relax without any of the stuff she had put up with earlier in the day. Yeah, there might've been issues.. but they were handled quite easily at the hooves of the Princess of the Sun, who had ruled Equestria alone for 1000 years. A little paperwork was absolutely nothing..
..unless it was accident paperwork. Dear Equestria, Celestia hating filling out paperwork for accidents and injuries. It wasn't that she didn't love her little ponies; it was the fact that they took about a billion years to process and the Office for Accident Reports had refused her generous gift of modern software to help them keep up. She didn't understand why they refused to go to anything faster than a snail, but it wasn't her place to step in and start changing the way they had done it for years on end. She'd just have to deal with it. Besides, why ruin her evening with the thoughts from all the work she'd done in the day? It was behind her now.
The fire roared as the glowing moon was raised into the sky. Only her dear sister Luna could raise the moon in such a fashion and model the stars in a way that made them shine so bright. Celestia had never been able to replicate it the patterns and constellations, no matter how hard she tried. After about 150 years of trying, she gave up, assuming that it was just a 'Moonbib' thing. Ah, Moonbib. The silly nicknames we used to use for each other. Celestia had been known as Sunbutt to her sister, and it was an inside joke between the two of them.
The moon slowly stopped at it's correct position, landing there perfectly every night since the day Twilight and the Elements of Harmony had transformed Nightmare Moon back into Luna. It was a joyous day to see that her only sister was finally reunited with her, and that they could now share their problems and struggles with each other. Before, it was more of ranting to herself - Celestia was the only pony who understood her struggles, and she'd rant all night until she'd fall flat on her face from exhaustion during day court. Thankfully, those days were far behind her.
The door to her room opened, and Luna trotted in eagerly. Every night, the two sisters stayed up late, discussing business and personal matters. Nopony ever heard, as the room was securely guarded with soundproof spells and there were no guards outside the doors. If the ponies in the castle ever heard a peep of their conversation, they had never spoken of it. It was relieving to know that Celestia and Luna finally had some peace and quiet, someplace to go when there was just too much going on. The other would always be ready to listen, to talk and to give a shoulder to cry on. It was simply the joy of having a sister.
"Good evening, Tia! Day court has wrapped up, I presume?" Luna laid down on her favorite cushion, stretching out her body and letting her mane go wild. The Princess of the Night was already ready to hit the hay and get some shuteye, but it's not like she ever really needed it - she could get plenty of energy from helping ponies within their dreams. It was quite interesting to see just what some ponies thought about when their minds drifted off.
Celestia smiled at her sister's position, and replied, "Yes. I finally finished filling out all of the paperwork that was needed for Sweet Biscuit when she tripped and hit her head on a stone fountain." Celestia shuddered, just imagining how dreadful that must've been. Regardless, the mare was already making a recovery, and she would be back to work soon.
"Well, sister. It's not like you to get so worked up over boring papers like that, but I guess you've had your plate filled recently, eh?" Luna teased, sitting down next to her sister and getting right up next to her and in her face. Luna's mane completely muffled Celestia's voice and blocked her vision. "Luna, get er mane out of my fahe." Celestia contorted her face and pushed all of Luna's hair into her face.
"Have a taste of your own medicine, Moonbib." Celestia sat back onto the cushion behind her, relaxing her body. She really needed to visit the spa soon; all of her muscles were beginning to cramp up from never moving out of her chair in day court. A good royal massage and some time in the sauna would fix that right up. Luna, on the other hand, was always bright and ready to spring into action. As in, getting her mane out of her face and playfully jumping onto her sister.
"I challenge you to an Agni Kai, Sunbutt!" Luna readied in a battle stance, lighting her horn and preparing for an epic battle to ensue. Instead of standing up, Celestia just sat there and stared at Luna.
"I surrender. Besides, the sun has already set. You'll be breaking the rules and I'll automatically win by forfeit." Celestia recited in a bored, monotone voice that was reminiscent of a voice mail. They stared at each other for a full minute before bursting out into hysteric laughter. It was times like these that they lived for, and they hadn't gotten to share very many over the past year.
"Is there anything you'd like to talk about, Tia? Anything that happened during day court?" Luna asked, after finally settling down. She was finally ready to hear about Celestia's struggles today, as there was usually something random that happened which put strain on her sister. Luna never liked to see her sister suffer, so she wanted Tia to talk about her problems so that Luna would be able to help however she could.
However, Celestia's answer surprised her. "No, Luna. Absolutely nothing happened today, and I was so disappointed. The only thing that comes close is when one of my guards was bothering somebody by poking them with his spear, and they lashed out by taking the spear and pinning the guard against the wall with it. Of course I separated them and immediately got to the predator so that they could leave without further trouble, but it would've been nice if something more happened."
"It seems like all I ever do these days is paperwork for some bullcrap incidents in places of Equestria that I don't even control. 'Oh no, Princess, there's a brawl happening in the Crystal Empire? What are your orders?' I'll tell them to break it up, but also sell some popcorn and send me a live feed of the events so that I can 'record them'." Celestia made air quotes around "record them", meaning that she just enjoyed a good fight every now and then.
"But it's not all bad. I do get the daily issues between guards and them getting the wrong schedules. 'But you're supposed to be patrolling the East Tower! No, you need to move your ass and get to the West Wing stat! That's total bullshit, I was just in the West Wing and we were just broken into!'" Celestia laughed at the last one, signaling that it really had happened.
"So Tia, who screwed up the schedules, started the brawl and let Pinkie Pie break in through the window?" Luna asked curiously, but also completely knowing who it was.
"None other than yours truly. In contrary to what Twilight may think, I think we all need some fights and excitement now and then. As rulers of Equestria, we are constantly bogged down by work. However, while I may be a Princess by day, I am a thug by night. I start fights and screw up my own guards. There are times when I simply let the stupidest things happen in order to have some entertainment. Just sit back and watch it unfold in the most hilarious ways possible," Celestia shrugged, sinking into her giant pillow.
Luna couldn't deny that Celestia was right. As the Princesses, they were demanded to be perfect all of the time, and being perfect had no perks to it. Sometimes, you just had to let the little things slip by in order to get some enjoyment out of your day as long as they didn't screw anything up.
"You know something, Tia? I have issues too, but they're awfully minor. For example, there's these ponies from the Astronomy Club in Canterlot University, and they complain to me that the constellations are exactly 3.4957211986 centimeters off their actual locations, and demanded that I correct them. They said that they would 'get me fired otherwise'; as if that could actually happen." Luna smirked at the thought of being fired from being a Princess.
"I'll just get them to raise the moon and set the stars at night - unicorns used to do it before we came into power, so there's no reason they can't do it now." Celestia laughed at the thought. Making normal unicorns raise the celestial bodies which their very beings were tied to was something that hadn't been done in thousands of years - it made Celestia wonder whether or not unicorns even possessed that amount of magic anymore.
"I think that's exactly what I'll make them do tomorrow night. It is Nightmare Night tomorrow, after all.. what's a better scare than having no moon or stars in the sky? A blank sky with nothing but the darkness of space. It'll terrify them." Luna plotted quietly, rubbing her hooves together in an evil stance. Unfortunately, there were no cats nearby to stroke, so Luna starting stroking Celestia's mane as a substitute.
You've learned well, Luna. Celestia had always been a prankster, but she never imagined that trait getting rubbed off on her regal, over-the-top sister. Then again, it had been 1000 years. There wasn't exactly much for Luna to go off of, and Celestia was the best model she had to adapt to modern culture. Secretly, Celestia liked prankster Luna; it just made them bond even more.
"Anything else you need to complain about, Luna? I'm all ears for anything else." Celestia yawned, stretching and settling into a more comfortable position. It was getting late, and she'd need her rest for day court in the morning. Hopefully, she wouldn't fall asleep while Luna was speaking.
Luna was pacing the room, thinking of something else she could talk about. Nothing came to mind.. except for one, minor thing. Regardless of how minor, she was always open with Tia. "Ponies never come to me complaining about their problems. I never get to talk to anypony else in real life, and their stupid problems." She grumbled, sitting on her butt like a filly who was too lazy to do their homework. Celestia's ears perked up, and she giggled.
"Would you like to manage day court tomorrow, Luna? l think you'll absolutely love hearing about all the issues our citizens are having. You can watch the chaos unfold yourself, instead of just hearing me whine about it all night long." Celestia offered, sitting next to Luna and giving her a warm hug. The two sisters embraced, a common occurrence between them. However, this one felt more special and real than the others. It spoke of their bond.
Luna withdrew from the hug, and got up again. "I would love to manage day court, Tia. There's nothing better than seeing ponies whine about their problems that don't really exist. Maybe I can show them my Royal Canterlot Voice to the particularly stupid.."
"Now THAT is a good idea." Celestia had never needed her Royal Canterlot Voice, or never really liked it. However, Luna greatly favored her magically enchanced scream. It demonstrated her will and her power, something that Equestria hadn't really seen being shown off in a millennium. The windows would shatter and Equestria would be highly confused at the Sonic Voiceboom that would undoubtedly erupt.
"Also, I really hate it when ponies fall asleep while I'm- Tia?" Unfortunately for Luna, Celestia had fallen asleep during Luna's sentence. In a sudden pique of curiosity, Luna decided to have a look inside Celestia's dreams.
The amount of cake that was concealed within Celestia's mind was so astonishing that even Luna was afraid to interfere with her thoughts. Flying through the magical land, Luna finally encountered the bearer of the fluffy dream she had discovered.
Celestia was sitting on a throne of cake, and directed all of her orders by throwing certain kinds of cakes at her guards. Pumpkin cake? Go patrol the castle. Chocolate cake? Begin day court and bring me something to eat while you're at it. Pound cake? I'm going to take the name of this cake far too literally if you don't book it out of my throne room right now. It was highly amusing to watch, and eventually Luna couldn't handle it anymore. She flew directly into one of Celestia's cake throws.
"Luna! What are you doing in my magical cake land?" Celestia was stunned to see her sister in her dream, as usually Luna had other matters to take care of after they finished speaking.
"Finishing my sentence. I said that I hate it when ponies fall asleep while I'm talking about important matters. Now that I've finished that sentence, I'm going to throw your sleeping body into an ice cold bath. Adieu!" With that, Luna faded from the dream. Celestia began throwing pound cake at everyone in her vicinity for no reason, trying to wake up and get her kicks in at the same time. Just as she was about to pelt Discord, she was rudely awoken by an icy shiver that made her whole body have a mini-seizure.
Sure enough, Luna had dumped her into a lake near the castle that was known for always being the iciest damn thing in all of Equestria. Celestia, in a fit of anger, teleported directly to Luna and threw a pie in her face. She made sure it was her least favorite kind, too. Celestia was the loving ruler of all of Equestria.. but even she had weapons in her arsenal that could tear down any opponent.
"WHERE DID YOU GET THAT FROM?" Luna spluttered as she tried to wipe the pie remains out of her eyes and nose. She was less concerned about how Celestia got there so quickly and more about how she got a pie within 10 seconds of Luna leaving her at the lake.
Celestia conjured up a picture of her and a hidden room in the castle. It was filled with pies, cakes and pastries of all kinds. Some were chocolate, some were lemon, some were colors that Luna couldn't even imagine. "My secret stash. My final issue of the day is when ponies don't understand just how much power I possess. Do not underestimate the Princess of the Sun, Lunar Pirate." With that, Celestia walked out of the room.
The Agni Kai was over.
Celestia emerged victorious, although not from Luna's forfeit.
