Kintsugi:
The Japanese art of repairing broken pottery with lacquer dusted or mixed with powdered gold, silver, or platinum.
1.
Rain. Endless rain. Pinkie shook her head, and slowly lowered the blind.
“Why do days like these always have to be so maudlin?” she muttered. Although she had hidden the rain from view, she could still hear it pounding ceaselessly against the side of the house. She looked down at herself. White T-shirt, no bra, pink stretch sweatpants with the Wonderbolts logo on the side. Same as she ever was, on days like these. Days when the sun didn’t come out, and no one wanted to be happy. Days where she was completely out of her element.
Someone else was in the room with her. That wasn’t unusual. Pinkie Pie was rarely ever by herself. Her preferred state of being was with, rather than alone. What was unusual was the mood that her friend was in. Pinkie prided herself on making people happy; on making them forget their troubles, and live in the wonderful now. Today, her friend was anything but happy.
Fluttershy nervously ran her fingers through her hair. Her eyes were locked on the floor, as if pulled there by some magnetic force. She could feel the sweat beading on her brow. She knew she had to do this, by it was going to be tough. She had never had to do something like this before. It had always been done to her.
“Pinkie…” Fluttershy began. Pinkie felt her lips twitch into an involuntary smile. She looked at the nervous girl, and noticed that her normally well-kempt appearance had mostly fallen apart. Her yellow T-shirt was badly creased, her pink skirt was hiked up in several places. The only clean piece of clothing she had was from Pinkie. It was a green and red checkered flannel shirt that badly clashed with the rest of her ensemble. It seemed like Fluttershy was one of those people who’s outside couldn’t help but matching their insides. Maybe Pinkie was like that too.
“Didn’t I tell you this was gonna happen?” asked Pinkie. Fluttershy bit her lip. With a sigh, Pinkie moved over from the alcove to the couch. She put an arm around Fluttershy, and Pinkie felt her tense up. “Don’t worry, I’m not gonna make a move on you or anything.” Fluttershy blushed. “Look, you don’t have to do this. I’m all right, you know? All smiles, all the time. I saw this coming, you saw this coming. We just had a little fun, you know?”
“Are you sure you’re gonna be okay?” asked Fluttershy.
“Of course I am!” said Pinkie. She stuck out her pinkie, and Fluttershy tentatively took it with her own. “Pinkie promise.”
“Oooookay,” said Fluttershy. She stood up, picked up her coat off the coat rack, and walked towards the door. Rain. It always rained on days like these. Fluttershy put her hand over the knob. “It wasn’t just a little fun, you know,” she said. She didn’t face Pinkie. For the first time, a crack appeared in Pinkie’s smiling facade. A frown had appeared on her face.
“I know,” Pinkie said quietly.
“I’ll never forget this,” said Fluttershy. She opened the door. It was coming down in gales now. Pinkie wanted to tell Fluttershy to drive carefully, but her throat was suddenly dry. “Goodbye, Pinkie. I’ll see you soon.”
“Okay,” whispered Pinkie. The sound of a door snapping shut. And the pounding of the rain.
How. How was it getting inside? How was it getting on her… on her face.
Always so maudlin. Always so dramatic. Always.
2.
Pinkie walked into her condo, and inhaled deeply through her nose. The glade plug-in had been working overtime- the whole condo smelt like cinnamon. One of the things Pinkie hated most about leaving work was the lack of smell most places had. She loved that Sugarcube Corner smelled exactly like a bakery should. It was an incredibly, delectable smell that filled Pinkie with joy. Her glade was no bakery, but at least it made the house smell a little sweet.
Pinkie walked through the living room, past the kitchen, and into her bedroom. She stripped out of her uniform, and walked over to the mirror. She giggled and grabbed her stomach. She was definitely getting a little chubby now. She shook her belly, and giggled harder. She’d need to take care of that, but how could you not indulge if you worked at a freaking bakery? It was impossible!
Whistling, Pinkie changed into jeans and a pink, frilly blouse. She had stuff going on tonight, of course, but she had about an hour of alone time to kill. Maybe she’d finally finish all those shows she’d gotten halfway through on her DVR. It was running out of space…
A vibrating in her pockets snapped her out of her mental revery. She looked at her phone, and gaped in surprise. Fluttershy? Now that was a name she hadn’t seen in a long time. Not since, well, not since…
She flipped open the phone, and cleared her throat.
“Hey girl!” she said cheerfully. “How ya doin?”
“I’m… I’m okay,” croaked Fluttershy. Pinkie felt her heart skip a beat. It had been a while, but Pinkie never forgot a friends mannerisms. This was not a happy Fluttershy. Not even an okay one.
“Hey, what’s the matter?” asked Pinkie Pie. There was a pause. Pinkie though Fluttershy might get mad at her. It had been a while since she had called, and they hadn’t exactly left on good terms. Maybe Pinkie’s probing was being a little too pushy.
“It’s Mac,” she trembled. “He broke up with me.”
“Oh honey,” simpered Pinkie, “I’m so sorry.”
“I don’t know what happened,” said Fluttershy. “Everything seemed to be going so well. One minute Mac’s trying to get me to move into Sweet Apple Acre’s, and the next he’s doing the whole, ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ thing.” Fluttershy sniffed loudly. “I just don’t understand, and I don’t have anybody to talk to.”
“You have me!” Pinkie said fervently. There was another loud sniff.
“Thank goodness,” said Fluttershy. “With how things got left between us, I wasn’t sure if-”
“That had nothing to do with us,” Pinkie said firmly. “I’ll admit that maybe we all could have handled ourselves better, but I said to all of you that I’d never stop being your friend. And I meant it.”
“Can I come over?” asked Fluttershy. “I’d really like to talk to you in person.”
“Sure!” said Pinkie.
“Are you still living with the Cakes?” Fluttershy asked.
“Not anymore,” said Pinkie Pie. “I got my own place around the block from Sugarcube Corner. I’ll text you the address.”
“Sounds good,” said Fluttershy. “I’ll see you soon.”
“Yep!” said Pinkie happily. “Bye!” Fluttershy hung up, and Pinkie pocketed her phone. Her old friend Fluttershy was coming back! How exciting! But oh my gosh, there was so much to do! She had to clean, and had to cancel some of her plans, and had to…
… these feelings came out of nowhere. She never knew when they were going to hit her. They moved like a roiling wave, rising out of the pit of her stomach and crashing into the rest of her body.
Pinkie remembered the last time she had seen all of the girls together. They were all staring at each other; some with hatred, some with sadness, some with a mix of both. Pinkie didn’t want them to leave each other like that. She couldn’t bear it.
“I’ll always be your friend,” she said to them. “All of you, no matter what. You’ll always, always have me.” They hadn’t said anything back. They all just left, leaving Pinkie alone.
Pinkie shook her head as hard as she could, sending pink curls flying. No time to think about that. That was a long time ago, after all, and there was nothing she could do about it. She just needed to be grateful that one of them was finally reaching out.
3.
Pinkie chewed her bottom lip pensively, wearing a path into the rug as she paced back and forth. Any minute now…
The doorbell rang, and Pinkie bounded over to the condo entrance. She looked into the peephole. Fluttershy looked back at her. Like usual, she was feeding one of her many nervous ticks. Pinkie saw that she was running a hand over her elbow over and over and over again. Pinkie flung open the door, and beamed at Fluttershy. Fluttershy tentatively smiled back.
“Hi Pinkie,” Fluttershy began, but before she could say more Pinkie had scooped her into a bone crushing hug.
“Oh my God Flutters, it’s been forever!” Pinkie said tearfully. Pinkie had squeezed all the air out of Fluttershy’s lungs, but it didn’t matter, because Fluttershy couldn’t think of anything to say. She wasn’t sure how Pinkie would receive her. She thought Pinkie would at least be cordial (that was just how Pinkie was), but she had no idea Pinkie would be this excited. Pinkie let Fluttershy go, and waited for her to say something. A few seconds passed, and Pinkie’s smile began to contort nervously.
“It has been a while,” said Fluttershy slowly. Pinkie nodded enthusiastically. “Can I come in?”
“Of course!” Pinkie said. She gently took Fluttershy’s arm and led her inside. It was almost exactly how Fluttershy had imagined it. The walls were painted in bright, energetic tones. Pinks and magentas hit Fluttershy from every direction. Paintings covered every wall. They had a variety of different subjects, but they most were very feminine. Flowers, watercolor nudes, romantic vistas from far off countries. The furniture seemed to be cobbled together from various garage sales, and clashed with the rest of the house. The living room had a smallish TV set on a stand, a beat up old couch, and an end table with a wide variety of magazines set on it. To her left, Fluttershy noticed an indented alcove that terminated in a window. A section of the wall jutted out far enough from the alcove that one could easily sit on it, and stare out the window if they wished. Fluttershy also saw a kitchen, but her view of it was obscured by a large number of blue and purple beads that Pinkie had hung on a track above the kitchen/living room partition. Pinkie led Fluttershy over to the couch, and the pair sat down.
“What a nice house,” Fluttershy said. She grimaced internally. Such a typical, lame thing to say. Pinkie could probably sense how uncomfortable she was.
“Thanks,” said Pinkie. “Some of my friends helped me design it. I really like the paintings. Most of them I’ve gotten as gifts.” Pinkie pointed to a large painting that hung above her TV. It had a dark purple background. The center was dominated by an intentionally unfinished profile of a woman, her expression caught somewhere between sadness and bemusement. A sheet covered her bottom half, but a single breast was exposed. “That’s my favorite one,” said Pinkie. “Twilight gave it to me.” A moment of uncomfortable silence passed between them.
“That’s nice,” said Fluttershy. Pinkie shifted over, and looked Fluttershy in the eyes.
“We should just talk about it now,” said Pinkie, “and get it out of the way. I want to be able to help you, but I don’t want to feel like you have any hang ups, you know? I want you to be honest with me. So let’s just get the uncomfortableness out of the air now.” Fluttershy clenched and unclenched her fingers, and fidgeted in her seat.
“I… I guess we probably should,” said Fluttershy. She didn’t continue, so Pinkie cleared her throat.
“I don’t think that was our fight,” said Pinkie. “I think we got caught up in it, but me and you never attacked each other.” Fluttershy nodded. “I think we all needed a break from each other, but I was never mad at you, okay? I always cared about you, and… I’m really glad that you decided to come talk to me today.” Pinkie smiled shyly.
“It wasn’t our fight,” said Fluttershy. “I’m sorry it took so long for me to reach out to you. I think I was very confused. I never expected all of us to hurt each other like that. I needed some time to myself. But I’m glad that I’m here too. I missed you Pinkie.” Without warning Pinkie swept Fluttershy into another hug.
“You’re such a goober!” Pinkie cried. Again, Fluttershy was lost for words. Pinkie broke off the hug, but kept her arm around Fluttershy’s shoulder. “Okay girl: dish.” Fluttershy blinked.
“Dish?” she asked.
“You know, spill the beans,” said Pinkie. “Tell me what’s going on. Doctor Pie is in, ready to solve all of your problems.”
“I don’t need you to solve my problems,” said Fluttershy. “I just need someone to talk too.”
“I can do that too,” said Pinkie.
“Good,” said Fluttershy. “Since the fight, it’s just been me and Mac. I obviously see Applejack from time to time, but she doesn’t talk to me much, and I don’t really feel comfortable talking with her.”
“You really didn’t have anyone else to talk to?” asked Pinkie. Fluttershy shook her head.
“I know I said I’d try to make friends at work and school, but I just couldn’t do it,” said Fluttershy. “I always counted myself very lucky to have you girls. You were my only friends going into adulthood.”
“Things must have been pretty lonely for a while,” said Pinkie. Fluttershy nodded.
“Maybe that’s why Mac broke it off with me,” said Fluttershy. “I think, near the end, I might have been smothering him. But he was my only friend, you know? The only person I had to share my life with. I didn’t want it to go back to the way it used to be.” Fluttershy shivered.
“You weren’t having any other issues with Mac?” asked Pinkie. “I only ask because it’s shocking that he would break up with you out of the blue. I don’t know Mac as well as some of you guys, but he always seemed like a straight shooter to me. I’m surprised he didn’t say why he wanted to break up.”
“So am I,” said Fluttershy. “He’s a very quiet, solitary person, but you’re right in thinking he’s very honest. Just like his sister.” Fluttershy paused, lingering on an Applejack related thought. “He never said we were having any problems, and I don’t think we were. Emotionally.”
“What’s that mean?” asked Pinkie.
“What’s what mean?” retorted Fluttershy.
“You weren’t having problems emotionally,” said Pinkie. “But were you having problems mentally? Physically?” Fluttershy blushed, and ran her fingers through her hair.
“I… I’m not sure…”
“You don’t have to talk about it, if you don’t want to,” said Pinkie. Fluttershy smiled. “You know, I think we just kind of lept into serious talk. It’s been awhile since we’ve just, you know, hung out. Wanna have a jam sesh or something?”
“Yes,” Fluttershy said gratefully. “I’d love that. My guitar is in the car.”
“I’ll go get my uke!” Pinkie said excitedly. The pair departed, Fluttershy headed to the door, Pinkie headed to her room.
4.
Pinkie wasn’t exactly good, but she was enthusiastic. Fluttershy knew Pinkie didn’t have much time to practice. She spent most of her time out and about, being with friends in faraway places. Fluttershy’s idea of a good time was a beer and some chords, hopefully with Big Mac in the room. The pair played, Pinkie cross legged on the floor, Fluttershy on the couch, discordant harmonies crashing against each other. Pinkie was singing loudly, while Fluttershy giggled at her nasal, crackly, but still pleasant voice. Fluttershy cut in occasionally, complimenting Pinkie’s discordant tones with her serene, perfectly tuned vocals.
“Winter wrap up, winter wrap up!,” Pinkie cried!
“Let's finish our holiday cheer,” Fluttershy continued,
“Winter wrap up, winter wrap up!” Pinkie roared.
“Cause tomorrow spring is here, cause tomorrow spring is here!” the pair crooned together.
“Cause tomorrow spring is heeeeeerrrrreeee,” Fluttershy sang gently. They both played a few more notes on their instruments- Fluttershy’s perfectly plucked, Pinkies loud and passionate- and the song ended.
“Oh man, I needed that,” said Pinkie. “It’s been so long since I’ve jammed out with anyone.” Pinkie stretched, and collapsed onto her back. “None of my friends play instruments except you.” Fluttershy noticed how Pinkie’s blouse rode up a little. Pinkie had gained a little weight, but her figure was still relatively slim. Fluttershy had always been jealous of Pinkie. She was perfectly proportioned, while Fluttershy always seemed to be carrying extra weight somewhere. Some people got all of the luck. “You okay there Flutter-Butter?”
“Huh?” asked Fluttershy. “Oh, sorry, my mind kind of drifted off for a second. You’re getting better at playing, I think.”
“Yeah right,” said Pinkie. “I don’t practice enough to get any better. I’m not like you. You’re incredible.” Pinkie sat up. “That time you played up at the cabin is one of my favorite memories. Seeing you come out of your shell like that was incredible.” Fluttershy beamed.
“It was one of my favorite moments too,” said Fluttershy. “When I think back on those days, I try to remember the good times. There were a lot. We were all still really close back then. Being confident for the first time, really confident, was amazing.” Fluttershy’s smile melted off, turning into a grimace. “I wish I still felt like that. I think people think I’m just a wimpy little wallflower.”
“Well, maybe some people just see you as some shy wallflower,” said Pinkie, “but I see underneath all that. I see what makes you, well, you. It’s the reason why I think I got so much closer to you than the rest of the girls.”
“I liked you because of how nice you were,” said Fluttershy. “You just have this ability to look past peoples flaws, and love them no matter what. That’s exceptionally difficult to do.”
“Everyone has redeeming qualities,” said Pinkie. “I truly believe that. Once a person wants to get better, they always have the ability to. That’s why I’m always trying to help people. I feel like it’s my mission in life.” There was a loud grumble, and Pinkie grabbed her stomach. “Holy crap, I didn’t even realize how hungry I am. You in the mood for some food?”
“Sure,” said Fluttershy.
“To the kitchen!” shouted Pinkie. The girl practically bounced off the floor and through the beaded partition. Fluttershy put her guitar back in her case, and followed Pinkie. She parted the beads, and furrowed her brow. The kitchen was very, very different than the living room. It was covered in black and white tiles. The paintings here were of different foods, with the occasional restaurant advertisement. There were the normal amenities- fridge, sink, dishwasher- and a large oak table with three chairs sat in the middle of the room. Pinkie was rooting through the refrigerator. Her top half was obscured, but her bottom stuck out like a sore thumb. Fluttershy cracked her knuckles, and bit the inside of her cheek. Pinkie’s ass was amazing, there was just no other way to put it. It was big, but it was toned. It was exactly the kind of ass Fluttershy wanted, but she just didn’t get enough exercise. Fluttershy watched as Pinkie moved up and down, trying to find things in the fridge. Her ass seemed to be gyrating in a weird, hypnotizing dance. Fluttershy tried to ignore the heat that was building in her stomach. “There we go!” Pinkie shouted. Fluttershy blinked back to reality.
“I’m, um, I’m still vegan,” said Fluttershy.
“I figured,” said Pinkie. “Don’t worry, I’m just gonna make some salads.” She had been trying to find assorted dressings that she kept in the bottom drawer of the fridge. She also pulled out a wide assortment of vegetables. “What, did you think I ate pies and cakes all the time?”
“No,” said Fluttershy. “I’ve just never seen you eat a salad before.”
“I don’t normally,” said Pinkie, “but have you seen me lately?” Pinkie pulled her shirt up, revealing the entirety of her stomach, and the bottoms of a black bra. “I’m getting a muffin top!”
“Don’t worry about it,” said Fluttershy. “Even if you were a little chubby, you’d still look amazing.” She nervously ran a hand across her arm. Pinkie seemed startled.
“Thanks Flutters,” Pinkie said. She put her shirt back down, and began rooting through the shelves for salad bowls. “You wanna help me make these?”
“Sure,” said Fluttershy. She ambled over to Pinkie, who handed her utensils. The two worked side by side quiet except to occasionally ask for something. As the salads began to come together, Pinkie finally spoke up.
“You know, you’re good looking too,” said Pinkie. Fluttershy almost dropped her salad tongs.
“Oh, thanks,” said Fluttershy hurriedly. Pinkie set down the tomato she was slicing, and turned to face Fluttershy.
“I mean it,” Pinkie said. “I’m not just returning the compliment. You’re a beautiful girl Fluttershy.” Fluttershy squirmed, and tapped her foot noisily on the ground.
“Thank you,” Fluttershy squeaked. Pinkie frowned for a second, but then grabbed Fluttershy into an enormous hug. Fluttershy jumped, but didn’t move away.
“Sorry, did I weird you out?” Pinkie asked. “I wasn’t trying to.”
“No, not at all,” said Fluttershy earnestly. “I’m just, well, I’m not used to getting compliments like that.” Pinkie let Fluttershy go, and stepped back.
“Mac never complimented you?” Pinkie asked. Fluttershy scratched the back of her head.
“Like I said, he was a real quiet guy,” said Fluttershy. “He didn’t compliment me much, but he never had anything bad to say about me either. We just really enjoyed each other's company, you know? He never had to say anything to me, I just knew how me felt.”
“Okay Flutters,” Pinkie said. She went back to making her salad. She didn’t want to push it. Fluttershy was still reeling from the breakup, and criticizing her ex might not do anything but make her upset. The pair put the finishing touches on their salads, and brought them to the table. After they did, Pinkie ducked down to a shelf below the kitchen sink. Fluttershy heard the clink of glass on glass. After a second, Pinkie pulled out a large wine bottle, and two wine glasses.
“Oh my,” said Fluttershy. “I don’t drink wine very often.”
“I know you’re a beer girl, but I guess I’m a wuss,” said Pinkie. “I just can’t handle how that stuff tastes. This is a good vintage… I think. Rarity bought it for me, so it’s gotta be good.” Pinkie walked over, twisted the cork out of the bottle, and poured Fluttershy and herself a glass. She sat down, and raised her drink. “To good friends,” Pinkie said with a smile.
“Good friends,” agreed Fluttershy, and the pair drank.
5.
“This stuff doesn’t last very long, does it?” asked Fluttershy. A warmth had come into her cheeks, and she felt very light and airy. She typically stopped herself at two beers when she drank at home, but today she was sure she had drunk half of that bottle. Fluttershy noticed that Pinkie was rather red in the face. She kept running her finger around the edge of her glass, creating a high pitched whining note.
“Let’s go back out to the living room, the couch is more comfortable,” said Pinkie. “I’ll take care of the mess later.” Fluttershy obliged, and the pair walked back into the living room. They both sunk into the couch.
“You were right, that stuff was very good,” said Fluttershy.
“I’ll have to thank Rarity,” said Pinkie.
“Have you heard from her at all?” asked Fluttershy. Pinkie shook her head.
“Nope,” Pinkie sighed. “I tried calling her, but she didn’t pick up her phone. I’ve only talked to you and Twilight.”
“Oh, how’s Twilight?” asked Fluttershy.
“Fine, I guess,” said Pinkie. “We didn’t talk long. She’s taking care of some kid now, Spike I think his name is.”
“I remember hearing about him,” said Fluttershy. “I thought she might let him move in. It’s a very Twilight thing to do.”
“We should try to get back into contact with her,” said Pinkie. “I really miss her. I miss all of them, but I feel like Twilight really gets me. She was always fun to hang out with.” Fluttershy nodded.
“I miss Rainbow,” said Fluttershy quietly. Pinkie didn’t say anything. “I miss being with the girls all the time. I think that’s why I’m struggling with Mac so much. It was really nice having someone around, someone to be with when I needed them. Now I feel like I’m all alone again.”
“You’re not alone,” said Pinkie. “You have me, and we’ll get the girls to come around yet.”
“Yeah,” said Fluttershy. “And if I’m being honest, spending time with Mac was a lot different than being with the girls. It’s not that he was just quiet. Sometimes I just feel like he didn’t, well, care about me as much as I wanted.”
“Well, like you said, he was good for you when you needed him,” said Pinkie. Fluttershy sighed.
“You’re trying not to hurt my feelings,” Fluttershy said.
“Well, I mean…” Pinkie trailed off.
“You don’t have to protect me. I care what you think,” said Fluttershy. “I don’t just want you to make me happy. I think you’re a really emotionally intelligent person. I want your opinion on things.” Pinkie shifted around in her seat.
“I think Mac is a very simple person,” said Pinkie. Fluttershy made a face, and Pinkie raised her hands defensively. “I don’t think that’s a bad thing, don’t get me wrong. All I’m saying is that he knows what he wants, and how he wants to live his life.” Fluttershy nodded her head in agreement, and Pinkie lowered her hands. “You, however, are certainly not a simple person. You’ve got a lot of things you’re still trying to figure out. When it comes to romance, those kinds of personalities really tend to clash. You look for Mac to help you figure out some of your troubles, but he just has no interest. He doesn’t understand your perspective.”
“I guess you’re right,” said Fluttershy. “When we did talk, it was almost never about my problems. He was always so stoic.” Fluttershy shook her head. “But I still miss him. Not just his company, either. I really miss…” Fluttershy tapped her fingers on her knees. Earlier, she wasn’t sure she was going to talk about this, but she was feeling emboldened by the wine. “... the physical stuff.” Pinkie grinned slyly.
“Was it really good?” Pinkie asked. Fluttershy began to tap faster.
“Oh my yes,” said Fluttershy. “He’s such a handsome man, and he was always very caring. Very considerate. Always putting me first.” Fluttershy bit her lip. “Running my hands over his muscles… oh my goodness. I can’t even describe it. All that working on the farm. The way his long, straw hair would flow when he… when he was with me. And his butt!” Fluttershy giggled hysterically. “Oh my, I used to dream about that butt. I used to want to squeeze it all the time. It embarrassed him.” Fluttershy closed her eyes. “I love the way he smelled after he had just come in from work. It was sweaty, but not unpleasant. Like… like that was how he was supposed to smell. And when we were together, I’d see him smile. It made me so proud, making him feel like that.”
“Holy shit,” said Pinkie. Fluttershy giggled again.
“It was amazing,” she said. “You know he was my first?”
“What!?” Pinkie gasped. “Really?”
“Yup,” said Fluttershy. “Not my first boyfriend of course, but I never felt comfortable with sharing my body with anyone before him.” Fluttershy avoided Pinkie’s eyes- Pinkie knew that Fluttershy was lying a little, but didn’t say anything. “But when we were together, I knew I wanted him to be the one to do it. It was an amazing night. I was so nervous, but he calmed me down, took me through it… he was gentle when he needed to be, strong when he needed to be. I was grateful to him.” Fluttershy bit her lip again, and to Pinkie’s alarm, she began to tear up. “I really miss him, Pinkie.” Pinkie scooted over, and hugged Fluttershy. Fluttershy let herself go, and cried quietly into Pinkie’s shoulder.
“It’s okay,” whispered Pinkie. “I’m here.”
6.
After a few minutes, Fluttershy had calmed herself down. Pinkie had fetched her some tissues, and she was dabbing her eyes.
“I guess I just feel a little betrayed,” said Fluttershy. “I gave myself to him because I thought he was the one.”
“I’m still surprised,” said Pinkie. “You’re Twenty-One, Fluttershy. That’s, well, that’s really late to lose it.”
“If you don’t mind me asking, how old were you?” inquired Fluttershy.
“Fifteen,” said Pinkie. “With my first girlfriend.” Fluttershy seemed to want to ask another question, but she stopped herself.
“How many… how many people have you been with?” Fluttershy asked timidly.
“I’m not sure, to be honest,” said Pinkie. “More than ten, less than twenty. I’ve had some drunk hookups.”
“I couldn’t do that,” said Fluttershy. “For me sex is, well, it’s tough. I’m not confident. I’m not sure people will like me. It took so long that it started to become this big weird thing. Like some sort of personal failure.” Pinkie sighed.
“You’re not the only person this has happened to,” said Pinkie. “The way we all deal with sex in our society is so messed up?”
“What do you mean?” asked Fluttershy.
“We treat it like it's this weird thing, said Pinkie, “but sex is just sex. It’s like everything else in this world. It could mean nothing, or it can be the most meaningful thing in the world. People give actions meaning. Without context, they’re just another thing that happened.”
“That’s awful philosophical of you,” said Fluttershy. Pinkie shrugged.
“I just get tired of hearing people say that sex is the end all, be all,” said Pinkie. “If you’re physically attracted to someone, but not emotionally attracted to them, why is it so bad to want to explore that attraction, and see if maybe emotions develop, you know? And if you’re emotionally attached to someone, but you’re not sure if you’re physically attracted to them, what’s the harm in trying to broach a new side of the relationship? Things might be awkward for a little while, but so what?”
“I think that kind of thing is easier said than done,” said Fluttershy. “What if one of the girls had approached you, and asked you to help explore their sexuality with them?” Pinkie raised her eyebrows. That was actually a very good point. She considered the girl's extremely close friends, but never entertained the thought of pursuing a sexual relationship with them. Sure, she had fantasized about it occasionally, but who doesn’t fantasize about sleeping with friends you’re attracted to? Pinkie tried to imagine Twilight approaching her… then Rarity… then… Pinkie avoided Fluttershy’s gaze.
“I guess there are complications,” said Pinkie.
“No use denying it,” said Fluttershy. “Sex is complicated. Unless you’re just mindlessly sleeping with someone, there’s going to be emotion behind it.” Pinkie nodded. “But I think you have a point too. People are scared to explore their sexuality, and they shouldn’t be. It’s not something to be ashamed of, or something to be scared of. It’s natural to want to express yourself in that way.” Fluttershy shook her head. “I just wish I had realized that earlier. For a long time, I was ashamed of my sexual experiences. I felt so… slutty.”
“You shouldn’t feel like that,” said Pinkie. “You shouldn’t ever feel like that.”
“Can… can I ask you something?” asked Fluttershy.
“Sure,” said Pinkie.
“Did you ever have feelings for someone you knew you couldn’t have?” asked Fluttershy. Pinkie tensed up. She knew she’d have to be careful. This was a delicate topic of conversation, recent events considered.
“Yes,” Pinkie said slowly. “I had crushes on a lot of straight girls who didn’t return my feelings. We got along great, but they just weren’t interested in me.”
“How… how do you know when it’s worth going after?” asked Fluttershy. “How do you know when it’s worth being hurt? Ending the friendship?”
“That’s really tough. The boundary between friendship and romance can be a tough one to tread,” said Pinkie, “especially when one person suddenly has feelings for the other one. I don’t think there’s anything more painful than being friends with a person you want to be in love with.” Pinkie slammed her fist onto the couch’s armrest, and Fluttershy jumped. “Because what you want is right there, it’s just so close, and you can’t have it. Because you can’t summon up the courage, or because you know there’s just no way it will work.”
“But… but what if it could?” asked Fluttershy. She leaned in, and Pinkie scootched closer, assuming Fluttershy wanted to hear her better.
“Well then I think you have to go for it,” said Pinkie. “I don’t think there’s any excuse. You’ll regret it all your life if you don’t.” Fluttershy got even closer. Pinkie could see every detail on her face. Every freckle, every shining strand of pink hair.
“Really?” asked Fluttershy.
“Absolutely,” said Pinkie. Fluttershy closed her eyes, and Pinkie blinked in confusion. Before she had time to process what was going on, Fluttershy had kissed her.
