The Toast Apocalypse

by Gray Compass

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Random, Princess Celestia, Alternate Universe, Human, Princess Luna
Length: 1139

The apocalypse has arrived in Equestria, and it started with a rain of toast.

Celestia has only one chance.

To save her little ponies from the Toast Apocalypse, she has nothing but an old scroll and a spell. And a list of unpredictable consequences.

It's all about quantum fields and probabilities.

Published 2016-03-11 18:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-03-11 18:40:01 UTC

Far Beyond Toast

It was the apocalypse.

Bread crumbs covered the once polished floors of the royal castle, pieces of toast were scattered around the streets and rooftops, all of them without exception were falling from the sky with the butter side down.

A disaster.

“This is a nightmare!” A pony screamed, trotting down the streets, stumbling against walls of toasted bread.

“No! This is the Toast Apocalypse!” A heavy voice reverberated through the toast filled skies, sending bread dust in the air.

It was no other than Celestia, standing at the tallest balcony of her spiraled tower, staring with teary eyes the toastification of her empire. There was nothing she could do about that – such a disaster could have never been predicted.

It started in the dead of the night. At first, some tiny pieces of toast started to cover the ground like bread powder. ‘A bakery must have exploded!’ Twilight presumed, as she inspected the phenomenon from her window.

Soon, entire toasts, of all sizes and shapes, poured over the city, pilling up in small mounds. Plow trucks tried to drag the toast mess away, they moved the mounds back and forth, but the heinous crushed toasts jammed into the hinges of the trucks, generating even more frustration.

Equestria awoke with a heavy layer of toast coating every rooftop, patio, and street.

It was the Pompey of the pony world.

No one had reasons, no one knew why, it just happened. Even discord was surprised.

“Sister… Why? Why such a thing?” Luna cried, wrapping her hooves around Celestia’s stiff shoulders.

“Quantum physics, my dear.” She responded bluntly, gently pushing Luna aside as she ran for an old cabinet at the corner of her room. “It was always a matter of probability- It could happen anywhere, with anyone.” She muttered to herself, crawling through books and old parchments.

“But… Toast?” Luna stomped a hoof on the floor. “We deserve a more dignified death, if that’s our fate!” She stated, turning around to face the rain – of toast. “What will the archaeologists of the future say about our race?”

‘Oh, the ponies were a brilliant species… A shame they were wiped out from the face of Equestria by toast.’ She forced a speech.

Celestia didn’t paid attention to her sister’s musings, instead, she focusing on finding one of the oldest, craziest, and most dangerous spells, she had stored in that castle.

“Think positively Luna… At least the quantum fields gave us the probability of toast. It could be literally anything…” She scowled.

Luna preferred not to think about the probabilities. It was too much for her own head. Maybe Twilight would understand – if her castle wasn’t buried under a layer of toast.

This was not common toast though.

It had properties that affected magic, affected the way their world worked. Legend says a unicorn ate two toasts that fell right onto his plate while he was having breakfast.

He’s still experiencing terrible symptoms of magic loss.

“I found it” Celestia squealed, levitating a very old-looking scroll from the bottom of her cabinet.

“Good sister, but you better hurry up, there’s a-“

Everything was dropped to the ground, their jaws as well, as a massive, imposing, scary, mind-boggling, unbelievable, toasty, mothership arrived.

“No…” Luna backed down. “It can’t be”

“Yes Lulu, it can be anything!”

A blotchy shadow covered the hills and contours of the cities below, already toast-covered and helpless. Pegasus ponies tried to escape from the massive toastorm dodging right and left, plummeting down into the clouds.

The toast ship silently hovered over the castle, turning day into night.

It was moving very slowly, rotating around itself like a planet.

“Celestia, hasten your spells! The butter side is coming at us.” Luna screamed, seeking shelter near her sister, as if her presence could somehow save her from the impending death.

If the toast collapsed, it would be the end; the end of the world as they knew it. Ponykind would be crushed under miles and miles of toast, their bodies mummified and breaded, for the future races to discover.

“Luna, if I start this spell, I won’t be able to stop it.” Celestia said, opening the parchment very carefully. “It won’t change the world we love so tenderly, but it will move all the living beings to a safer dimension – I wish, a toast-less dimension.”

Luna just nodded, walking away as her sister drew a large circle on the floor, unknown runes surrounding it. The air sparkled with electricity, and the hair on the back of her neck stood up.

Celestia opened her glowing eyes, and the ethereal light that escaped her being created a spherical aura that expanded around the room and beyond.

Flashes of light and images randomly popped up here and there, as she tried her best to tune her frequencies to a compatible world.

With eyes wide open and dilated pupils, Luna stared at the fragments of unknown alien lands that swirled around Celestia. Where would they go? Where would they live?

It was impossible not to think about the chances; if something as odd as a toast storm was about to destroy their world - turn their lives into bread crumbles with butter - what other chaotic worlds awaited out there? She could never know.

“Tia! The toast-ship is turning, I can see the butter!” Luna screamed, preparing herself for a disastrous collapse.

Celestia gritted her teeth; a powerful electrical jolt crossed her body, the spell exploded like a supernova, lightening the entire world.

Buried in toast, the ponies couldn’t understand the burst of light that consumed their bodies, emptying their visions, filling the back of their eyes with a crystalline white radiance.

There was no more noise, no more suffering, no more toast.

No more Equestria.

“Hey…”

“Are you dead?” He touched the unconscious pony with a stick.

Luna squirmed, feeling that pointy something poking her back. She darted herself to the side, scampering away from whatever had touched her.

“Come on little one… I’m not hurting you!” A creature!

A tall, pale creature. A speaking creature.

Luna gasped, looking up at the alien. Celestia had seen many worlds through that spell, but in which one-

“What are you? Identify yourself!” She shouted defensively, trying to look imposing in front of the unknown specimen.

“Woah woah woah-” He backed away, lying against a wall and grabbing his chest. “Can you freaking speak?” He seemed surprised, as so Luna.

“W-here I am!?” She whimpered, shrinking back in a corner.

“God…” He muttered, crouching down on his knees. “You’re a lost one, aren’t you?” He muttered, incredulously.

Luna remained in silence; the only thing she wanted at the very moment was the presence of her sister.

“Welcome to Earth.”

Author's Note

I ain't stopping the madness!