Dear Insanity,
I had a great time last night. I didn’t sleep a wink. Did you? Oh, who am I kidding? You probably NEVER sleep, do you? Remember when I conjured up that sixtieth coconut cream pie to drop on all those ponies trotting around town? Of course you do. You were there! And it was practically YOUR idea!
I haven’t had that much fun in such a long time. We really should hang out more.
Are you free this weekend? I’d love to stay in touch. I just need to get Reality off my back again. She can be so serious and stuck up, you know? Why can’t she ever just relax and let her mane down? Why does she always feel the need to rain on my parade?
Sorry. I don’t mean to vent on you like this. It’s clear problems like “Reality” don’t exist for things like you. I’m envious of that.
I’d better get going, though, so I’ll leave you with one special word: “CHIPWIRIKITI”.
Remember that? I’m still giggling about that. Our little inside joke, all right?
Hugs and kisses,
Discord.
***
Dear Reality,
I know you waited up for me last night, but you really shouldn’t have. I told you I was going out and that I’d be out late. I’ve met someone NEW. Someone I’ve taken quite a liking to. You might have heard of her, actually. Does the name “Insanity” ring any bells? Sound of any alarms?
If you had a real face to speak of, I’m sure it would be gasping for air right now, searching for the closest bag at hoof to start hyperventilating in.
Surprised? You shouldn’t be. You brought this on yourself with the way you’ve been treating me lately. Discord and Reality sitting in a tree? K-I-S-S-I-N-G? I don’t think so. Not anymore, at least.
Insanity gets me. She gets me unlike anyone I’ve ever known before. If we were in a tree together, I’m sure that tree would be upside-down and growing jellybeans instead of leaves. I’m sure it would be singing, too—perhaps tap-dancing up the street without a care in the world where it might be headed to.
That’s the difference between you two. CARE. And I just don’t want to care about things right now. Not anymore. ~~Not when those ponies said those things about me.~~
I’m getting off track here. Let’s just say your days here are numbered, Reality, so maybe think about getting on someone else’s case for a change? And before you even start, I KNOW you’ll have something to say about all this and how INSANITY isn’t good for me, but you know what? BY THIS POINT, I DON’T CARE! You HAD your chance and you blew it! So live with it and go pester someone else! Someone that actually WANTS your cold and hard embrace!
So… good luck with that!
Cheers,
Discord.
***
Dear Insanity,
I wrote Reality a letter. A rather “strongly worded” letter, if I’m being truthful, but I felt it necessary this time. I’ve tried to blow off Reality before, but it’s never stuck. She always finds a way to worm herself back into my life. She thinks because she’s a part of EVERYONE’S lives that that somehow gives her the right to be included in mine. But you know what? I’ve never been the type that follows the norm.
I had a dream about you last night. I THINK it was a dream—I’m not completely sure now. There were colors and shapes and the most BEAUTIFUL images, dancing and swirling and embracing with one another right in front of my eyes. It was FREEDOM, pure and simple. The total ABSENCE of the harsh opinions of others. It was ART without rules or restrictions. It was what I saw when I was thinking of you.
Mrs. Discord. Like the title? Or would you want to keep your maiden name?
Mrs. Insanity Discord. Hmm. That might not work. Ponies might start thinking I’ve changed my name for some reason. Then again, why am I so worried about what others might think about me? Isn’t that why I came to you in the first place? To get away from all that? To let all cares fly away in the breeze?
Foals in school are tasked with writing essays about their heroes. If I had to choose one, I’d pick you. “When I grow up, I want to be like Insanity!” I would loudly inform the class before me. “Who else gets to do what they want, WHENEVER they want? With no repercussions WHAT-SO-EVER!”
Then the class would cheer. And the teacher would hoof over my B+ (possibly because I’d turned her desk into a Venus flytrap that morning). And I would KNOW I picked the right hero to write about.
Not all heroes wear capes, right? Some don’t even wear pants, after all. So why can’t my hero be a state of mind? Insanity helps ponies. And she’s been doing it for years for free!
I’d ask what you were wearing, but I’m sure it’s a surprise. That’s what I LOVE about you. From one day to the next, you’re NEVER the same. Always different. Always changing. Always fascinating. You probably haven’t even heard of the word BOREDOM before, have you? Or HEARTACHE. Or SADNESS.
When Reality brings me down, it’s always been YOU I end up turning to. Inside of YOU is a world of no rules and no cares—no stress and no attachment to feelings. No pain. No sorrow. Just fun and joy and happiness and delight and peace and—
I’m rambling again, aren’t I? Can’t help it. I’m so SMITTEN with you, I am.
Never change, all right? Well, I guess as Insanity you NEED to be constantly changing, don’t you?
XOXO,
Discord.
***
Dear Reality,
I thought I made myself clear the last time I wrote to you. What is it you’re not getting about this? I’m casting you aside! I’m setting you adrift! FOR GOOD REASON! You’re nothing but a thorn in my side—a nasty zit on my forehead that refuses to pop!
No. No, that’s not fair. What did zits ever do to me? Besides warn me about excessive sugar intake. No. This thing between us has to end. For good this time. I can’t keep having you knock on my door every few years, begging to be let back into my life.
FRIENDSHIP? Bah!
All friendship does is cause anxiety and worry. Do my friends still like me? Did I do something to hurt them recently? Will they do something to hurt ME because I hurt them before? Do they whisper behind my back? Are they just using me? Are they secretly ANNOYED by my company?
It’s so much easier just letting them go and accepting Insanity instead. Insanity doesn’t care how I dress or if I burp at the dinner table or if I turn someone’s house upside-down. Insanity doesn’t care if I slurp my tea quietly or as loud as a trumpet blast. Insanity takes everyone just the way they are. Insanity is the CURE to everything you try to force on me. Why would I EVER turn away from her now?
Reality is just one GIANT major bring down—full of ups and downs and worries and fears. Of course, there is always fun to be found in Reality, but is it always guaranteed? No. There’s ALWAYS the chance that Reality will suddenly become cold and mean, ruthless and nasty.
Why would ANYONE want to be with you, when they can be INSANE instead?
With Insanity, I get to laugh all day long. She gets me. She ACCEPTS me, as well as all my faults. Those… FRIENDS you tried to force on me mean nothing when I’m with Insanity. Their love means the same as their hate when I am with her. My feelings are NUMBED.
Feelings can’t be hurt when they’re NUMB every moment of every day!
You’ve hurt me one too many times, Reality. And it’s taken me long enough to learn my lesson. It’s better not to care about ANYTHING than risk being hurt by others. And let’s not forget about all the FUN there is to be had with Insanity!
Respectfully yours,
Discord.
P.S. I changed the locks on the doors, so don’t bother trying to come in. No pamphlets, either!
***
Dear Insanity,
I finally told Reality the cold hard truth of the matter. She’s hurt me for the last time by making me feel things I don’t want to. I don’t want to deal with her antics anymore and that’s just that! Not when I have someone as sweet and understanding as you by my side.
What shall we do now that we’re together exclusively? Sing? Dance? Build a castle in the sky made out of condescending teddy bears? My mind is already whirling with—
Oh, what’s this now?
Someone’s thrown a letter underneath my door. Excuse me for a moment, sweetie.
If it’s that blasted REALITY again, I swear…
***
Dear Discord,
Hi. It’s Fluttershy.
I know you’ve been keeping to yourself recently and I can’t blame you for that. What Rainbow Dash and Rarity said to you wasn’t fair and I understand how it would hurt your feelings. They might’ve said they’re not your real friends, but that’s just not true. They were only a little mad when you dumped all that raspberry jelly on their heads without warning. Rarity’s coat is still pink, if you were curious.
Friends get mad at each other sometimes, but they always make up for it afterwards. I’m sure if you said you were sorry about your prank and they said they were sorry about what they said to you… well, I think that would help clear everything up, don’t you?
I know you’ve been seeing this “Insanity” lately and I can’t say she’s a very good influence on you. Don’t we have fun together when you visit? Doesn’t being in the company of friends make you feel good inside? I know when I’m with my friends, it’s like I have a whole bunch of butterflies in my stomach—tickling me and making me want to laugh and smile.
You can’t give up on real life because it isn’t perfect all the time. There will be ups and downs, but isn’t there always more joy than sadness in life? And even if you do end up sad, your friends would always be there to make you feel better. After the raspberry incident, you know you could’ve come to me. You didn’t need to leave everyone behind and try and pretend we didn’t exist. You can’t ignore your problems forever.
We miss you, Discord. And I miss you a lot. You make me laugh. And you give some of the best hugs in Equestria. I’m sure even Angel Bunny misses you… deep, deep down.
I don’t want to force you to do anything you don’t want to do, but I’ll still give you an invitation for tea next Tuesday. I’ve invited all the girls again and plan to make some scones. Do you like blueberry scones? I could also make buttermilk if you don’t. Anyways, I really hope to see you there.
Your friend always,
Fluttershy.
***
Dear Insanity,
I’ve… had a slight change of heart, I’m afraid. I’m thinking of seeing Reality again, but ONLY for a short while. ONLY to clear some things up. Don’t think I’m abandoning you or anything…
When I’m with you, I have no feelings whatsoever. Truthfully, it’s how I wanted to feel at the time. But do I want to feel NOTHING forever? I’m not so sure anymore. My… friends still care about me, supposedly. Can you believe it? Even after everything I’ve done to them?
I won’t deny the warmth I used to feel when I was with them—that ODD feeling deep in my heart. Sure, you make me laugh and giggle and dance with joy sometimes, but is there any warmth to what we do? That HEAT inside my heart that my friends manage to fill me with?
Perhaps it’s worth the risk of being hurt to have that feeling again. It’s so weird how those same friends that can make you hurt so bad sometimes can also make that same hurt go away with just a simple embrace or a few kind words.
I… have some thinking to do.
Thanks for all the laughs,
Discord.
***
Dear Fluttershy,
I’ll see you on Tuesday. I regret to inform you I won’t be bringing the jelly this time.
Your friend,
Discord.
Author's Note
I had a conversation with my sister recently about how easy it would be being a cat. No job. No mortgage. If your owner's nice, life is simple. Also boring, but that's not the point. Cats don't have to care about anyone's feelings or about being hurt. Which is sort of how this story came to be.
Why bother dealing with real life with all its negative feelings when you could just go insane instead? Especially when Discord has the ability to do just that. Obviously, there's more to it than that, but that's the basis of this odd tale, anyways.
Thanks for reading!
