Anon Investigates

I woke up to the smell of breakfast cooking, and to an incredibly itchy feeling in my general lower areas. I groaned in discomfort and glanced down at myself. Ugh, gross. Dried shit, all up and down my legs. I had been with women before I came to Equestria and none of them had orgasms as messy as this. It would be fine if I had cleaned myself afterwards, but... I didn't.

BANG

The door to my room was flung open and Spike walked in wearing a bright pink apron.

"Morning Anon! Breakfast is rea-- "

"..."

Shit. The purple dragon's cheeks became flushed red as I scrambled to cover myself. I threw a pillow at him.

"Bucking knock next time, Spike!"

He backed out of the room, his little dragon dick peeking out from its sheath. So that's where he hid it. I thought about what had just happened for a second.

Did I just... Turn him on?

As far as I knew, he was straight. Or at least, the only creature he had shown any affection for was Rarity. Never gonna happen, but it was hilarious to watch him try and woo her while she tried to let him down softly in her own way, which was by pretending she didn't notice his affection at all.

Whatever.

He had apparently cooked me breakfast, so he was alright on my account. Besides the fact that he didn't knock.

I fucking hate people who don't knock. I am the one who knocks. Emphasis on the "one" bit. No one in this town has any semblance of privacy. I pulled myself out of bed and walked to the small en suite attached to the room. I really noticed my height difference now. I had to plop my hooves up on the bench to even see my face at all.

I tried to get a good look at myself in the mirror, but it didn't work. I pulled my stool up and stood on it. It was a bit of a balancing act, but you know.

I live life on the edge.

I washed my face, splashing the cool refreshing water on me when I remembered the reason why I was here in the first place. Clean your legs, retard. I hopped down and walked over to the shower, turning the nob. Luckily this dried stuff washed out pretty easily, even when dried. I'd still like to clean myself before it dried next time. When I was done, I turned off the tap and walked out of the room. When I got to the kitchen, Spike was nowhere to be seen, but the breakfast he made was waiting on the table.

Fucker better not be jacking off right now.

I heard some muffled voices through a nearby door. I couldn't hear what they were saying, so I walked closer. Pressing my ear up against the door, I heard a few fleeting muffled words.

"...and don't fuck it up this time, alright? I've had enough of you ruining every job we run, and this one is fucking huge."

"S-sorry, boss."

I heard a muffled rumble, like someone was rolling around on the floor.

"Mmmmff!"

Who was that?

"Shut him up!"

A loud thwack.

Silence.

Oh shit, someone was getting kidnapped! I slammed open the door. By which I mean I tried to slam open the door, but it was made of a heavy wood, so I just smacked into the door as it slowly creaked open. Curse this weak body.

Inside, two griffons wearing black balaclavas stood above a seemingly unconscious Spike, tied up with rope and blindfolded.

"Stop right there!" I squeaked confidently

One of the griffons turned to the other and chuckled.

"Or what, kid?"

I puffed up my chest.

Crap. He was right. Or what? I couldn't do anything to stop them. Griffons were just as strong as I was as a human, but there was no way I could do anything like this!
And there was two of them.

"Yeah, I thought so. If you know what's good for ya, you'll pretend you never saw this."

The two griffons grabbed Spike by the legs and unceremoniously dragged him out the window with them.

I stood there, silent and unmoving. Well, not exactly. My legs were shaking. I was absolutely terrified, and it had taken me that long to realize what I had been feeling.

What the hell? I had never been scared by something before! Well, sorry, that's a lie. Nothing in Equestria. I collapsed to the floor and began to cry. Why? Why was I acting like this? I'd never acted like this before! Bet it's this fucking stupid body.

"S-s-stupid body. S-stupid Twilight!"

"What did I do wrong?"

I spun around.

"Twilight!"

I ran to her and threw my hooves around her. She froze up.

"G-Glass? What's wrong?"

"Th-these g-g-griffons came in and th-they..."

My mind relived the last few moments.

"What did they do, Glass."

"They took Spike!"

"What!?"

She pushed me away and ran into the other room. She swung back to face me, her face filled with rage.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU STOP THEM, ANON!?"

"I-I-I..."

Tears welled up in my eyes.

"Oh no." Her face relaxed and switched to a look of guilt. She walked up to me, but I backed away. I was feeling it again. Fear. Why?

"I'm sorry, Glass, I didn’t mean to shout, this... This isn't your fault."

She approached me again and pulled me into a hug which I accepted.

"We'll... We'll figure this out."

I let my tears flow for the first time in my life. I'd never let myself cry. I always kept this masculine appearance, but I didn't even have a choice this time.

"I just don't get it. Who would want Spike?"

I pulled away from the hug and wiped the tears from my face. I thought about it for a second. Who would want Spike? And who would want to kidnap the number one assistant of the fucking princess? Unless…

He was a dragon. How many other dragons had I seen while in Equestria? None. Let alone a baby dragon. He was rare, and probably expensive.

"Twilight... I think I know why they took Spike."

"You do?"

"Do you know anything about rare animal trading in Equestria?"

"Well, I know it's not common at all, but it does happen some time. What does that have to do with... Oh no. No no no!" She cringed with the realization of what had happened.

"What are we gonna do?"

"Uh... We... Uh... Glass! I think I might need to hire you one more time."

_________

There has to be something around here. Something that they left behind… There! A small sheet of paper. Well, more like a scrap. I pulled up the magnifying glass that Twilight had lent me.

Yes! Looks like that Griffon had "Fucked up" again! It was a matchbook for a bar. I flicked it open, but there was nothing inside but matches. No matter, I had a lead now.

"Twilight, check this out!"

She walked over to me and took the matchbox with her magic.

"Unless Spike has been going through a rebellious smoking phase, then this was left behind by those griffons."

"So what now?"

"Well, we need to check out the bar. Do you recognize the name?"

"The... Spit Jar? I can't really say that I do..."

The Spit Jar… I hadn't heard the name before, but It definitely wasn't in Ponyville. There wasn't exactly google in this world, so I couldn't google where it was. Maybe…

"Twilight, is there a phonebook for any of the nearby cities?"

"Of course!"

__________

Baltimare.

I got arrested last time I was here while on a job It was a city filled with dirty streets and dirty ponies No idea why anyone would want to live here.

Twilight and I disembarked from the train and made our way out of the station.

"Okay, Glass! I've got our itinerary planned out to the minute! At 1200, we will check into the Solid Stone Inn, at 1215, we'll have lunch! At 1300, we have-"

"Twilight! You don't need to plan every second of our day!"

"Maybe not, but one day, you'll have needed a list and regret not making it!"

"Sure. Got any place on that list for investigating?"

"Of course I do! But, uh... There's something we have to talk about."

"What?"

"The place we're following this lead at is a bar, right?"

"Yeah?"

"You're underage."

__________

This is so fucking degrading.

“This is so bucking degrading.”

”Are you okay little miss?”

Some random stallion walked out of the bar and stood next to me.

“Buck off, old man. Go wet your dick in some other slutty mare.”

”Hoh, shit, crazy kid…”

He walked off, looking over his shoulder as he did. Yeah, that’s right. You walk away. Fucking ridiculous. I’m twenty fucking three years old! Why the fuck was I being made to stand outside of the bar instead of going inside?

Oh that’s right.

Fucking Twagle Spoofle.

Purple princess cunt.

___________

Inside the Spit Jar Bar…

Be Twilight Sparkle No, not “Twippy Dippy Spackle”, or whatever silly name Green Glass had thought up for me today. We had gotten to the not so glorious city of Baltimare earlier today and after a short amount of sightseeing, we made our way to the Spit Jar, our one lead to finding Spike. Notice I said “we”.

Normally, I wouldn’t have dreamt of bringing such a young filly with me to such a filthy place, but not only had she insisted, but she apparently had a history with the city. Something about a missing pony and snow skis. Celestia knows what that was about, but she refused to divulge any further information.

I approached the bar and ordered a large pint of Saltlick Lager. I usually never touched the stuff, but if I was going to blend in at all in the hovel, I had to play the part. The bartender gave me a curious look and brought me my drink. I sipped the drink, fighting off cringing from it’s salty/bitter taste. Drivel. Calling it a “drink” was being generous. I’m a princess, I shouldn’t be drinking this.

No, do it for Spike. He needs you.
.

Glass had given me a basic rundown of how this was going to go down, what lingo to use, how to react, etc. on our way here. I was still nervous, but I knew I had to do it. Not only because Glass couldn’t do it for me, but because Spike needed us. I finished off my drink and asked for another. As the bartender approached, I set our plan into motion.

“Hey, barkeep.”

”What’ll it be, miss?”

“I’ve been looking for something a little more… Exotic recently.”

”Oh?” He raised an eyebrow suspiciously.

“Yes, something with a little more… Bite to it. A little more lively, if you know what I mean.”

”I’m not sure if I do, miss.”

“I’m in the market for… A new pet.”

The barkeep glanced around before leaning closer to me.

”You sure you know what you’re asking for?”

“Oh, I’m more than sure, good sir. Much more than sure.”

”Fine.”

He looked under the bar before lifting up a flagon made out of a bull horn. How horrible! Did they even ask the bull’s permission? I doubted it!

I kept a straight face and took the flagon of ale before thanking the barkeep. I downed the disgusting fluids before turning the cup upside down and taking the piece of paper taped to the bottom. Bingo. Thank god Anon- er, Glass knew her way around shady businesses. Nothing against her, of course. Looks like her suspicions were correct.

__________

Finally, I saw Twilight leave the bar. She pulled down her hood and smiled at me.

”I did it, Glass! That was so exciting! Is this how exciting it is every time you do this?” She clopped her hooves together and smiled. A few passing ponies glanced at her before shaking their heads and averting their eyes.

“So I was right?” I asked

”You sure were!”

She reached inside her cloak and pulled out a sheet of paper.

”Left on the bottom of the mug, just like you said. How did you know this information so specifically?”

“I worked a case similar to this but with a thestral kid a while back. Honestly, it’s probably the same organization just in a different city.”

”Wait, did you manage to apprehend the perpetrator?”

“Look, I was paid to bring the kid back and I did. Do you have any idea how dangerous my job is? I can’t be sticking my neck out every three seconds to do “what’s right”.”

”B-but we have to do something!”

“Maybe this time, it’ll be different. I mean, what with you being the princess of friendship and all.”

”But what about all the other evil organizations? What about the kids that you didn’t save?”

“If I could, I would have saved all of the kids I found there, but think about it for a second, Princess Smartypants. If I get reckless, stick my hand too far into the hornet's nest, I’ll get stung. Who will do my job when I’m gone, huh? If you haven’t noticed, the royal guard is lazy. They protect against direct attacks and do basic investigation, but they hardly ever seek out cases very far.”

”I… I hadn’t thought about it.”

“Don’t worry about it. I… I do feel guilty, you know.”

”What? What for?”

“What do you think? I feel guilty for not doing more. I know that If i tried, I /could/ take down a huge group of bad ponies and creatures. What do you think happens if I do that? My face all over news headlines. “Freaky human brings down foalnapping ring”. I mean, as is, I’m not very discreet, you know, being the only human here, but a lot of ponies mistake me for a minotaur. If I don’t have that, I have nothing. I’m done.”

”Wow, Glass. I really shouldn’t… I shouldn’t have been so harsh on you.”

“Don’t think about it, Princess.”

I finally got to unfolding the piece of paper and reading what had been written on it. Perfect.

“2AM, Behind the building.” I read aloud.

”That’s where we’re going to meet the bartender?”

“Probably not the bartender. He’s just the messenger.”

”Alright. While we’re waiting, I’ve always wanted to check out that restaurant in 5th street, Applejack has been going on about it ever since she visited her cousin here last.”

I rolled my eyes but went along with it. Best to keep the purple princess happy.

__________

There was a brisk wind blowing and I pulled my coat closer to my body. Luckily the fur on my pony body was a lot more resistant to the cold than bare skin, but it didn’t seem to matter that much. There was a bright orange glow next to me and I saw Twilight casting a spell.

“What’re you doin- Oh.”

I felt my the air around me warm up with the glow and the wind slow down quite a bit.

“Uh, Th-thanks, Twilight.”

She smiled at me.

”No problem Glass. It’s the least I could do.”

We walked toward the back alley and I felt a chill run up my spine, despite Twilight’s spell warming me. It was that feeling again, the fear that I was so unfamiliar with and hated so much. It was this stupid bodies fault. I never felt fear like this before.

Out from behind a dumpster, a pony wearing a large coat and smoking a cigarette stepped out. He lifted the cigarette out of his mouth with magic and threw it to the ground, still lit.

”Evening, miss.”

”Good evening, sir.”

”You were at the Spit Jar earlier today, correct? You asked the bartender about my services?”

Twilight nodded, her hood still concealing her body. He motioned toward me with a nod.

”Who’s this? I thought you were buying, not selling.”

”Oh, no, she’s my companion.”

”Like them young, huh?”

I could see Twilight’s face fill with disgust, but she kept her cool demeanor.

”Let’s get to business, Mr…?”

”I don’t tell anyone my name, Lady. Neither should you.”

”Glad we’re on the same page, Sir. I’m in the market for a dragon.”

He looked shocked for a second, before relaxing and straightening his tie.

”Miss, I hope you know what you’re asking for. Why in the world would you risk buying a dragon? Do the words “death sentence” mean nothing to you?”

”I didn’t come here to get a lecture, sir, I came here to purchase a dragon. If you must know, I’m a scientist. I’m experimenting on the science behind genetic manipulation for the purpose of domestication of sentient creatures, and the only kind of sentient creature I haven’t attempted my theory on yet is a young dragon.”

Damn, Twi. She was really good at this. If she wasn’t such a noticeable figure, she could probably help me in the future.

”Fine, fine. We just happened to acquire a young dragon a few nights ago, so I can have him ready for a transfer by tomorrow night. Bring forty thousand bits with you and I shouldn’t have to tell you this, but be discrete. We’ll meet under the west side of the Clop Key Bridge at 2AM. Your “Companion” can come too, just make sure she doesn’t cause any trouble.”

”Sounds good to me, sir. I’ll see you then.”

We turned away and walked from the alley. We traveled down the street in silence before all of a sudden, Twilight broke away to rush behind a nearby trashcan. I heard retching and a quiet splash. I stood behind her and held her mane back with my forehooves.

“Let it out, Twi. You did good.”

”I-I can’t b-b-believe this, G-glass… I c-can’t… Oh goddess…”

She turned away and retched once more.

”That… Sick stallion! H-he didn’t have an ounce of c-compassion in his eyes!”

“He’ll get his just desserts, Twi.”

”We can’t let him go, Glass. We can’t.”

“Remember what I said, Twi. We have to be careful. The information we’ve gotten today will serve to help the royal guard crack down on these ponies and bring them to justice.”

”Are you saying we do NOTHING!?”

She pushed me away.

“Twi, calm down.”

”I WILL NOT CALM DOWN UNTIL THOSE… THOSE MONSTERS ARE STOPPED!”

“Twilight, shut the buck up!”

She stared in stunned silence.

“What happens if you try and stop them, huh? They will take Spike away and you will never see him again! That’s what will happen.”

She said nothing.

“Twi, I… I made a mistake once.”

”What are you talking about?”

“I’m not always as successful as you might think. I’m not perfect, and I made a mistake. A bad one.”

”What… What happened?”

“Once, there was a family dog that had been stolen. I was requested to investigate where it had been taken to and bring it back. I eventually discovered that a couple of young colts had stolen it and were planning on hurting it. When I interrogated one of the colts, they caved and told me of an abandoned apartment where they were planning on… Pouring acid on it. I was so… Utterly /filled/ with disgust and anger, that I rushed into the apartment. They heard me coming in and… They threw the dog out of the window.”

”Oh my goddess.”

“Yeah. I couldn’t sleep for weeks knowing what I had caused. If anything like that happened to Spike… I don’t know if I could live with myself.”

”Ano- Glass, I’m so sorry.”

“You don’t need to be, Twi. I’m angry too. I’m fucking fuming. Spike is my friend too. But we have to think ahead. Think of the consequences. First, we need to make sure that Spike is safe and in our hooves.”

”R-right.”

“You can do this, Twilight. For Spike, and for all of the other creatures these monsters have stolen.”

_________

The next night, we made our way to the waterfront in silence. Once there, we surveyed the scene from afar. A lone streetlight illuminated the area, but no ponies were there waiting for us. They must be waiting in the shadows, just as the other stallion had last night.

”Alright, Glass.”

“You ready for this, Twinkie?”

”Please, Glass, no jokes tonight.”

“You gotta lighten up a little, or these ponies will suspect something. Not to mention our horrible excuse for fake bits.”

We had purchased a large amount of bottle caps and loaded them into a saddlebag. If the night went as planned, we would teleport away as soon as we had Spike and leave the stallions with their fake bits. If the night went as planned.

No time to make a contingency. Go with the flow. Don’t act unnatural. Be calm and alert.
It had never failed me before. We walked down toward the bridge’s belly and stepped into the light of the street lamp. We stood in silence for a few moments before a nearby shipping container opened up and three creatures stepped out, two ponies and a griffon.

Oh no.

The griffon who had taken Spike.

I pulled my hood over my head and tried to keep my features hidden from the griffon as much as possible. Behind them, another pony carried a small cage in his magic with a small purple dragon hog tied inside. He was both gagged, blindfolded, and seemingly unconscious.

Those fucking bastards. They better not have hurt Spike. The ponies and griffon silently approached and the pony who looked the most in charge motioned for the carrier to place down the cage.

”I take it that this is what you’re looking for, Mademoiselle?”

Twilight took a step forward, almost ready to run to Spike, but calmed herself.

”You are correct. We have the bits here, all in order.”

”Perfect, perfect. Now, levitate the bits over to me and then we shall send the merchandise to you.”

Twilight lifted up the saddle bag, but as she did, the griffon whispered something in the stallions ear.

”Stop.” He held up a hoof and Twilight halted her magic’s progress.

”Some information has come to light, so I would like for this exchange to go a little differently. You will send the bits over, we will count them ourselves, and /then/, you will be able to take your merchandise.”

”What?” Twilight spoke up. “That’s absurd!”

”If you would ever like to receive the merchandise, this is how it will go. No exceptions. No excuses.”

Fuck, fuck, fuck. They were going to see the fake bits! Think, Glass, think!

Twilight began to levitate the “bits” over to the criminals. What the hell was she doing! She knew that those bits were fake, they would immediately call us out on it! Oh fuck, you better have a good plan, Twilight.

The bag arrived.

The stallion opened up the clasp and…

Started counting bits.

Not bottle caps, bits.

Real bits.

“Twilight? What’s going on.”

”Shut up, Glass. Don’t say a word.”

I did what she said and stood silently. I was filled with anxiety at what was going on.
The plan had fallen apart, yet… Twilight had pulled this out of her ass and it was working.

”Ah, looks like we have a sale, Mademoiselle!”

He clopped his hooves twice and the unicorn began levitating the cage over to us. As it landed, Twilight pried the bars open with her magic and pulled Spike out. She removed his blindfold and gag.

”Oh goddess, Spike!”

The stallion looked over at us quizzically.

”You… Know this dragon? What is the meaning of this!”

Twilight looked up at them with fire in her eyes. Not figuratively either. Literal fire.

”You will burn for what you have done to my brother.”

Suddenly, the bits in the hands of the stallion turned to bottlecaps. A flash of purple, and we were back at the hotel room.

Immediately, Twilight levitated Spike over to the bed and began inspecting him for any injuries.
From what it looked like, the only real injury he had was a bruise on his head from where he had been knocked out a few days ago and rope burn from being tied up.

”Oh goddesses, Spike!”

She collapsed onto him, sobbing loudly. Her cries were loud and long. The love she had for her brother poured out and filled me with sadness. My eyes began to tear up as well and I hugged Twilight. She looked at me with her face messy with tears.

”Thank you so much, Glass!”

She hugged me back and I cried into her shoulder. I really, truly cried. This emotion, relief, sadness, joy, and the built up stress from all of this fear. I was finally letting it out. All of it. I cried for my family. I cried for my lost life. I cried for the dog that I had failed to save.
I just cried.

It felt so good to finally cry.