She Said WHAT?!

by SFaccountant

Rating: teen
Tags: Romance, Comedy, Big Macintosh, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash
Length: 10519

Rainbow Dash seeks some harmless, minor revenge on her coltfriend, Big Mac. Things do not go well.

A little spinoff story to Captain Unstoppable's fanfic, He Asked What?!

Rainbow Dash wants to get back at her coltfriend, Big Macintosh.

She doesn't want to hurt him.
She doesn't want to leave him.
She doesn't want any drama.

She just wants some way to tease Mac that he can't ignore or brush off. Some kind of vulnerability. A weak point, maybe.

Things get out of hand, fast.

(A side-story thing written as part of a bribe/fic trade with Captain Unstoppable. Seriously, this is all his fault. I am SO SORRY, you guys.)

Published 2016-03-12 17:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-03-12 17:10:01 UTC

What's an "Omega Protocol"?

Rainbow Dash squirmed in her sleep, her wings quivering slightly against her back. She coiled up tighter, wrapping her legs firmly around the warm, furry mass next to her.

Several seconds later a voice came from the mass, disturbing the comfortable haze of sleep.

“Dash, c’mon. Ah gotta git goin’. Loosen up.”

The rumbling baritone started worming its way into her consciousness, threatening to stir the pegasus from her rest. She would have none of it, keeping her grip firm and her cheek firmly wedged into her living body pillow.

“Dash… lemme go. Y’know what’s comin’ if Ah can’t get to work. C’mon, lemme git goin’ an’ Ah’ll make ya breakfast.”

Again the thick, masculine voice cut through her murky, half-asleep state, and she was forced to contemplate an actual response. Granted, that response was to groan and ignore the voice, which wasn’t much different from her being comatose, but still.

“Dash, don’t make me do this. Ya know Ah got work. Leggo. AJ’ll yell at me.”

“Let her,” Rainbow Dash mumbled, having finally been provoked into using actual words.

“Easy fer you t’say. Ya git to show up whenever ya want and fly off whenever ya want. Ah gotta work with her all day.”

The mass of warm red fur started squirming, trying to move free, but Rainbow Dash only tightened her grip. When the body shifted to pull itself up out of the bed, the Pegasus came with it, as if she had been glued to the other pony. There was an annoyed grunt, and then she was returned back to her cloud mattress, where she belonged.

Rainbow Dash sighed in contentment. Her partner sighed in irritation.

“Fine. Y’know this was comin’. Ah dunno why ya do this every mornin’ if ya hate it so much.”

Rainbow ignored the words, unable to comprehend what he was talking about. In all fairness, pattern recognition was probably the last brain function of hers to kick into gear in the morning, and even then many ponies would claim it barely worked.

Hooves started rubbing under her wings, and Rainbow’s eyes shot open as if she had been stabbed. “H-Hey! Wait! Q-Quit it! Ha ha ha!”

Her tormentor did not quit it, and began digging into her vulnerable spots mercilessly. Rainbow's grip on the stallion was finally abandoned as she giggled and squirmed, and the pegasus rolled off the bed and onto the floor in a twitching, gasping heap.

Big Mac got up from the bed and stretched his legs, looking for all the world as if nothing was wrong. When Rainbow Dash bounced to her hooves, she started yelling and flailing as if her house was aflame and the Apple stallion was the arsonist

"You mule! Why the hay do you keep doing that?!" she screamed, running over and slamming a hoof into Mac's side. He grunted slightly, but didn't seem overly bothered.

"'Cause ya keep clingin' on in the mornin' so Ah can't start mah day," Big Mac answered breezily, walking toward the door, "yah know Ah start early, darlin'. If'n Ah can't get loose, then mah family don't eat."

Rainbow Dash scowled. "I know that! But the tickling is seriously uncool! You KNOW how much I hate that!"

"Slightly less than Ah hate bein' followed 'round the orchard and lectured by Jack 'bout 'goofing off' with mah marefriend 'stead of doin' mah chores." Big Mac walked out into the kitchen. "Come on, now. Ah'll make ya waffles 'fore Ah head out."

Rainbow Dash growled and jumped back into bed instead. She wanted to argue further, but there was no point. Mac would pretty much ignore her as he cooked breakfast, and then stroll out the door and down the ladder as soon as her mouth was too full of waffles to speak. For all he apparently feared Applejack's wrath, he sure didn't seem bothered by hers.

That was what irritated her most of all. Not the tickling, which she always seemed to forget about quickly enough not to see it coming again every morning. She couldn't really stay mad at Big Mac, especially seeing how the first thing he did after "assaulting" her was apologize with a delicious breakfast. But it just didn't seem FAIR that he could do something like that to her and she had no way to retaliate. At least, no way that wouldn't hurt her at least as much as him. He was just so... placid and unflappable. Which she generally liked, but not when it was being used against her.

"Breakfast is ready!" Mac shouted from the kitchen.

"You suck!" Rainbow shouted back.

"Eeyup. See ya tonight, Dash," he called back. The front door shut a moment later.

Rainbow Dash laid in her bed scowling for a few seconds longer. Then the scent of apple waffles reached her bedroom, obliterating her bad mood. She was on her hooves before she realized what was happening, and could feel her grudge dissolving like the butter that was no doubt slathered on her meal.

"This will not stand," Rainbow Dash said firmly as she approached the table. "I can't allow him to keep doing this to me. It's like I'm... like I'm losing at the relationship! I'm Rainbow Dash! I DON'T rrmphmn!"

She had to briefly pause her monologue, since she found her mouth suddenly stuffed with waffles. They were warm and delicious and made her forget why she was annoyed at Big Mac in the first place. But she DID remember she was annoyed, and she clung to that feeling like a life preserver as she plowed through her meal.

There had to be a way to get even with him. But Big Mac was no easy target. She would need help. Luckily, Rainbow Dash had access to something Big Mac did not: a day off.

"Time to pay the girls a visit," Rainbow Dash mumbled. Before eating more delicious waffles.

"-and every single time he'll just make me breakfast and then trot off to work! It's so annoying!" Rainbow Dash groused. She was laying on a couch with a cup of tea by her side, and her tail lashed irritably while she explained her feelings to the pony across from her.

That pony was Fluttershy, and the yellow pegasus silently sipped her own cup of tea while Rainbow Dash ranted on her couch.

"Don't get me wrong, Flutters. I don't want to hurt Mac or threaten him or anything. I just want a way to get back at him, you know? Annoy him the way he annoys me." Rainbow heaved a sigh that blew her prismatic mane out of her eyes. "The way things are now are just too one-sided. I feel like he could get away with anything as long as he cooks me a good meal afterward. And worse, he knows it."

Fluttershy put down her tea, and her eyes darted away. Rainbow recognized the reaction immediately; it was a sure sign that she had something to say, but was afraid of causing offense. Suffice to say, it was an EXTREMELY common sight from Fluttershy.

"So, uhm, you want me to help you get revenge on Big Macintosh?" Fluttershy asked nervously.

"'Revenge' is such an ugly word," Rainbow Dash said with a sniff, "I just want a way to needle him whenever he ticks me off. Just to put him on edge a little, you know? I figure that between your passive and my aggressive, we could come up with something good."

Fluttershy's brow furrowed. "I don't think that's how it works, Rainbow Dash."

"Well, okay, fine. I guess you're not the most experienced when it comes to irritating people," Rainbow admitted.

A thousand snappy, sarcastic responses ran through Fluttershy's head at that comment, and she calmly stamped every one of them out while keeping her mouth firmly closed; a feat borne of long experience.

"Still, you're my best friend, you know? I feel pretty cool about sharing stuff with this like you."

"Oh, Rainbow, thank you," the meek pony replied, "but even so, I'm not sure I can help you with this... um... particular request."

Rainbow clicked her tongue. "Tch! I guess you're right. But who else can I go to? AJ is out right off the bat... no way I want to get Rarity more involved with my love life... Twilight would be totally useless at something involving pranking OR romance..."

As the blue pony went over a list of plausible "consultants", a nearby flower pot trembled, and then the top layer of soil - as well as the plant itself - started rising. Discord's head slowly emerged from the small clay container, a wide smile on his face and a slide whistle playing inexplicably in the background.

Fluttershy's eyes narrowed instantly. "Discord, NO."

Discord's expression turned to a frown, and he slowly sank back into the flower pot as the slide whistle played in reverse.

Once the spirit of chaos had fully withdrawn from the conversation, Fluttershy took a deep breath and gathered her courage. "Rainbow Dash, I know that what he's doing bothers you, but... have you considered things from his point of view?"

An eyebrow rose. "I think you know the answer to that," Rainbow Dash said without a shred of shame or irony.

"It's just that... well..." Fluttershy's gathered courage was already crumbling, unfortunately, and her eyes darted around the room awkwardly before she trailed off into mumbles.

"C'mon Shy, don't be nervous," Rainbow assured the other pegasus, "we're friends. You can be honest with me. I trust you."

Fluttershy took another deep breath. "Okay, well, I think you should consider why he's actually tickling you. You find it annoying, but he's not trying to annoy you, he's just trying to get up on time."

"... I'm not following," Rainbow Dash admitted. "What's the big deal about him getting to work late? What's AJ going to do? Fire him?"

"No, but they rely on Big Macintosh a lot, and you know how, um... precarious the Apples' finances are," Fluttershy pointed out, "the farm is more than just his job, and Big Macintosh is more than just an employee. If he doesn't get his work done on time, you know that Applejack will try to do it instead, and you know that she might drive herself to exhaustion or injury if that's what it takes to get the job done." She took a breath, waiting, and only dared to continue once she saw that Rainbow wasn't preparing to lash out defensively. "Big Mac's work is very important to him, and I'm sure he wouldn't want to embarrass you like that if he could help it."

"Huh. I guess I never really thought about it like that..." Rainbow said, her ears turning down. "Wow... maybe I really am being a little spoiled, here."

Fluttershy released the breath she had been holding, and then smiled gently. "It's nothing to feel bad about. You just needed some help seeing things from his perspective."

Rainbow Dash nodded and stood up. "Yeah, I sure did. Thanks a lot, Fluttershy. You're the best!" She stretched her wings and started trotting toward the door.

The yellow pegasus blushed while Rainbow trotted to the door. "Oh, no, it's nothing. I'm just glad you'll listen to reason. Goodbye, Rainbow Dash."

Ten minutes later, at Sugarcube Corner...

"-and every single time he'll just make me breakfast and then trot off to work! It's so annoying!" Rainbow Dash groused. This time she was laying on the edge of a bright pink bedspread, next to a mug of hot cocoa. "Don't get me wrong, Pinkie. I don't want to hurt Mac or threaten him or anything. I just want a way to get back at him, you know? Annoy him the way he annoys me."

In the middle of the bedroom, Pinkie Pie sat upright on a chair with an unreadable expression on her face. Her pet alligator Gummy laid on one foreleg, and she stroked his back with her free hoof as Rainbow explained her situation.

"So, you have come to me for help," the party pony said with a solemn nod, "you seek a way to aggravate your loved one while still being adorably likeable. To cause regret without provoking anger."

"Yeah, you're pretty much the master when it comes to this," Rainbow acknowledged, "really should have come to you first..."

"Yuperoonies!" Pinkie chirped, instantly abandoning her serious persona and flinging Gummy over her shoulder. She jumped onto her bed behind Rainbow Dash, grinning widely and bouncing on the mattress. "Let's DO this! First, however, we'll need to set some ground rules: is bedtime fun off-limits? I have some GREAT tools that would make any sane stallion cringe!"

Rainbow Dash pursed her lips. "Ehhh, let's say it is. No reason to fix what isn't broken, right?"

"Gotcha. Ix-nay on the utt-bay tuff-say," Pinkie said, rubbing her chin with a hoof. While still bouncing on her bed. "And we're talking low-key pranks, here? No therapy or hospital time required?"

"I kind of figured that was a given, and I'm a little worried that you need to ask."

Pinkie stopped jumping on her bed, and a slightly worrisome grin spread across her face as her bouncing settled down. "Got it. Here is what you must do..." She crept up next to the pegasus and started whispering in her ear.

Rainbow Dash arched an eyebrow. Then the other one. Then a smile slowly spread across her muzzle to match Pinkie's. "Awesome."

The following afternoon found Rainbow Dash swooping in on Sweet Apple Acres. She flew a wide circuit over the orchard, as she had done a dozen times before, looking for a large-ish spot of red amongst the many little ones.

Soon she spotted her target, and Rainbow Dash wet her lips. This next part required excellent control, perfect perception, and - most importantly - a general disregard for the safety of everypony involved. Check, check, and double-check. Rainbow's brain cleared her for landing.

She angled herself down and turned into a dive, aiming for the big red stallion hauling a cart full of apples down below her. If she wasn't the sort to get embarrassed easily by romance, she would have totally given this move a cheesy name, like "falling in love" or "bae bomber". But she was pretty sure that her fur would permanently shift colors from the intensity of her blush if she ever uttered such horrible things, so she gave it the much less romantic - but no less appropriate - name "back breaker".

Big Macintosh yelped as something suddenly landed on him, and he had to consciously suppress his urge to buck behind him. One solid kick would utterly demolish the cart he was towing and release an hour's hard labor all over the ground. Compared to that, the impact of a diving pegasus on his withers - and it was a surprisingly gentle and controlled one, all things considered - was a love tap. Which was a good attitude, since his marefriend considered it exactly that.

"Hey, stud," Rainbow Dash purred, lying down on Mac's back and speaking directly into his ear, "wanna buck something more fun than an apple tree?"

Big Mac started forward again, not looking back or obviously acknowledging the pegasus on his back until he spoke. "No foolin' with fillies 'til mah chores're done. Ya know the rules, Dash."

"Rules? Feh! I make my own rules!" Rainbow started to shift and curl up on Big Mac's back, as if she was preparing for a nap on the larger pony.

"That's great, but Ah'm not the management type. So Ah outsource mah rule-makin' to AJ, who will make mah hide a different shade o'red if she catches me goofin' off." Big Mac drawled. "Anyway, we got dinner plans in an hour. Ya don't wanna get t'the restaurant all mussed up, now do ya?"

"Pffff... always so practical. It's like you don't even WANT to make out with me!" Rainbow snorted in mock irritation.

"That is a misperception Ah would be all too happy to dispel at a more prudent time n'place," Mac said with a smile and a nod.

Rainbow Dash blinked in surprise at the retort. She knew better than anypony outside the Apple family that Big Macintosh was neither a mute nor a dumb hick, but he still managed to surprise her on occasion. Witty retorts weren't something that she normally associated with the farmer, and it left her a bit lost for words.

Really, this is exactly the sort of thing she was telling Pinkie about. She dropped out of the sky right onto Mac's back, propositioned him during work, and thoughtlessly added to his workload by hitching a ride on him, unsolicited and uninvited. Mac didn't get mad, get annoyed, or even offer a polite verbal protest. He treated her inconsiderate antics like gestures of affection!

Which they were, actually, but that wasn't the point. Rainbow didn't remember precisely what the point was, but she did remember that Pinkie had given her ideas on how to get under Mac's skin, and that was enough.

As Big Macintosh carried his apples and his marefriend toward the barn, Rainbow Dash shifted on his back and searched the surroundings.

"Hey, speaking of Applejack... mind if I ask you a question?"

"Go 'head," Mac replied.

"You've been working with her for most of your life, so you two are really close, right? Way closer than any other brothers and sisters I've known."

"Eeyup," Mac agreed, "so what's the question?"

"What's she smell like at the end of a work day?"

Big Mac immediately misstepped, and his hoof managed to land on a rake that had been left out next to the barn. The rake handle, naturally, whipped upright and smacked the stallion in the face. Rainbow Dash had to slap both forehooves over her mouth to keep from howling in laughter.

The stallion staggered, bewildered. Whether that was due more to the rake impact or Rainbow's question was impossible to determine. "Okay... WHAT?" He turned his head around to stare at the pegasus. "Why would ya ask me that?"

Rainbow managed to force down her giggles and do her best innocent expression for her coltfriend. "What? I don't mean anything weird by it. I'm not accusing you of secretly sniffing your sister or anything. But you work together all the time, so you must know what she smells like afterward. Right?"

"I... uh... well... ee... eeyup." Big Mac glanced around nervously, completely lost. Was this some kind of trap? Did someone put Dash up to this? Was Thunderlane right about her using him to maintain an outward appearance of being straight while secretly lusting after Applejack? "It's just... uh... do ya hafta ask me?" he floundered.

Rainbow was already greatly enjoying this, but she was far from done. "Well, I can't just fly down and start sniffing her, can I? She might get the wrong idea. So I'm asking you, since you're sure to know, and you also know that I'm not asking for any dumb reason, like I'm secretly into her or anything. So what's she smell like?"

Big Mac winced, and instantly felt guilty about the fleeting idea that Thunderlane might have been correct in his crude presumptions. Certainly he, of all ponies, had enjoyed ample evidence of Dash's preferences. "All right, fine. She smells... well, like wood and soil."

Rainbow Dash was intrigued. She was expecting him to just mumble "apples" and try to change the subject. This was even more entertaining. "Really? That's it?"

Big Mac stopped to think. "... Not just any wood or soil. Dry, aged redwood, Ah'd say. Like somepony just piled it up in a Applejack-shaped pile. The soil smell comes after heavy work in the summer. Smells like fresh, dark loam." He smiled slightly. "'Course, that's right after work. After she washes, she smells like apples because of her shampoo. Go figger, huh?"

There was a long silence after Big Mac finished, with Rainbow Dash staring at him mutely.

"Okay, I take it back. It's pretty weird that you know the smell THAT well," Rainbow said, grinning and chortling behind a hoof.

Then came the reaction she had been waiting for - nay, had been gunning eagerly for! - since she left Pinkie Pie's room. Big Mac scowled. His eyes narrowed and he frowned deeply at her. Rainbow Dash laughed, pounding a hoof against Mac's withers as he tried to set her aflame with his gaze alone.

"Oh, man! That face! Oh, Celestia, that was priceless!" Rainbow rolled off of Mac and onto the ground, still laughing and celebrating her little victory. A rumbling growl came from Big Mac before he simply trudged forward, finally depositing his cargo of apples into the barn.

It wasn't until several minutes later that Big Mac emerged again. Rainbow Dash was sitting on the ground, smirking and waiting for him.

"All right, smart-plot, Ah'm done. Ya ready to head out?" Mac's annoyance had already passed, and he had returned to his usual mask of sleepy calm.

"Eeyup," Rainbow replied with a heavy drawl. Mac just chuckled and headed out, back to his usual stoic, easy-going self.

But Rainbow now knew those defenses had a weakness. That she could take him down a peg whenever she really wanted, as he did to her. It was quite a cheering thought.

She jumped into the air and took flight, hovering over Mac and matching his speed while they headed into town.

"So... do you think Applejack TASTES like apples?"

"Dash," Big Mac said in a tone usually reserved for Apple Bloom when she misbehaved.

"I mean, like, on her cutie mark. I'm not suggesting you've actually tasted it, I'm just thinking out loud, here."

"Well, land's sakes, could ya STOP?"

Dinner had been an absolute blast. For Rainbow Dash.

She hadn't spent the entire meal needling Big Mac, of course. She didn't want to ruin their evening together, nor did she want to run out of uncomfortable questions on her first day exploring this fun new dimension to their relationship. She rather enjoyed the extra tension, and found Big Mac strangely cute when she actually got him flustered.

Now they were back at her place, however, and her mind was on other things. A few rounds of sweet pony lovin' would make for an awesome end to a perfect day.

Entering her bedroom, Rainbow was indicating such intentions with her usual impeccable subtlety. Which was to say that she was rubbing herself up against Big Mac's side and chest while flicking her tail at his rump.

She was, sadly, to be disappointed.

"Ya mind if we just cuddle tonight, Dash?" Mac asked, holding fast against her provocations.

The look she gave him probably would have sent most stallions charging for the door. Then again, he doubted most stallions could have turned her down in the first place. Such was the plight of the hard-working pony.

"Me an' AJ hafta cater Roseluck's gardening shindig tomorrah. It's a big job, and she needs me to start bakin' a couple hours early to get everythin' ready. Ah need to be up earlier than usual. All o'this was apparently set up yesterday, too, so it's mighty inconvenient all 'round, but that's how it is." His reluctance might have also had something to do with all the weird questions about Applejack he'd been forced to field tonight, but he kept that to himself.

Rainbow Dash trembled and puffed up her cheeks, like a kettle that had been brought to boil. Mac considered that she might even kick him out of her house for the night, which would be unfortunate but still serve his purposes.

Instead, however, she sighed and shrugged her shoulders. "Well, can't be helped. We'd better get to bed, then." She detached herself from the farmer and trotted ahead.

Big Mac was surprised she was being so reasonable, and decided to push his luck. "It would also help me out a lot if Ah could get outta bed tomorrah without any hassle. Ah'd prefer not to resort to 'you-know-what' just so this job goes right."

Rainbow's eyes narrowed ever-so-slightly.

"Sure thing, Mac." Her voice betrayed no hesitation or discontent, and she hopped up into her bed.

Big Mac slipped in next to her, and he released a heavy, happy sigh. He shifted to wrap his forelegs around her, nestling the pegasus into his chest and body warmth. He closed his eyes and slowed his breathing.

It felt wonderful, but it still felt far less wonderful than what Dash WANTED to be doing right now.

"Hey, Mac?" Rainbow asked suddenly.

"Eeyup?"

"How long have you had that cloud-walking thingy?"

Big Mac cracked an eye open, and then glanced down at the small pendant around his neck. It had become such a common and vital part of his life nowadays that he often forgot about it entirely, despite it being the only reason a visit to his marefriend's house didn't start with a long drop and end with a sudden stop.

"Ah guess... 'bout a year, right? Eleven months, maybe? Why?"

"Twilight wanted to know. Said something about a recharge. I'll let her know tomorrow."

Both of Mac's eyes were now open. "Recharge? This thing needs to be recharged?" He sounded understandably concerned. "How long does a charge last?"

"I dunno. I wasn't really listening. I'm sure it's fine." She yawned deeply, snuggling even deeper into Mac's embrace. "G'night, Mac."

Mac said nothing, his eyes still wide open.

He wouldn't close them for some time.

To Rainbow Dash, the next morning didn't arrive so much as it suddenly assaulted her.

She felt hooves digging into her ticklish spots, and she immediately started squirming and chortling in response. There was no build-up, no warning, and no mercy; just a sudden attack from nowhere. Rainbow Dash flailed, laughed, and snorted, and then - as suddenly as the cruel, egregious, and totally uncool harassment began - it stopped.

"What the hay, Mac?!" Rainbow demanded, bouncing to her feet.

Once she got her senses together, though, she saw that Big Mac was already galloping out of the room. Not just strolling out, or stopping to comfort his poor, abused marefriend, but actually running for the door.

"Ah'm late! Ah shoulda been up half n'hour ago! Aw, haystacks, AJ is gonna eat me alive!"

Rainbow groaned, her irritation at being woken up via tickling compounded by Mac's rush to leave. That, plus it was WAY too early for her to be up.

"Not cool," she grumbled as she trudged to the shower. "Mac is going to pay for this. I'm going to skip the creepy Apple Bloom questions and go right to Granny Smith next time. That'll show him."

A short wash later, Rainbow emerged from the shower and swung a towel over her back. The shower itself had done little to wake her up; every few seconds she found herself stopping to yawn again, and she felt like she would instantly fall asleep if somepony so much as threw a pillow at her.

Of course, she could have just gone back to sleep, but that would involve missing Big Mac's breakfast. A fresh, home-cooked Apple breakfast was worth any amount of sleep deprivation.

As such, she was somewhat concerned when she entered her kitchen and found the table clean and completely bare.

Rainbow Dash blinked. Then she tilted her head to one side, as if the motion would physically pile her brain cells together and aid her toward analyzing this mystery.

"Oh, I get it!" Rainbow chuckled. "I'm still asleep! Ugh. I hate dreams about waking up. The worst."

With her current plight thus analyzed, she rocked her head back and then slammed her face into the kitchen table.

"OW!! BUCK!! What the hay?!" Rainbow staggered backward, now fully awake and bleeding through her nose. "This isn't a dream! What's going on here?! Where are my pancakes?!"

Ignoring her throbbing muzzle, the increasingly agitated pegasus threw open her cupboard. There seemed to be plenty of ingredients. Not that she knew exactly what one put into pancakes or waffles or whatever, but there was enough flour, sugar, and apples, and she knew very well that Big Mac could make a meal fit for a Princess with only that much.

"... He didn't make me breakfast," Rainbow said, her fur prickling and her mane starting to fray. "That... That stupid, no-good, thickheaded... RRRRRRRGH!!"

The incensed pony staggered back from her cabinets, fuming. Her wings flared and her teeth clenched. "All right, Big Mac. That's IT. This is WAR. You think you can brush me off when I want to fool around, tickle me to wake me up, and then just race on out of here without so much as a stack of apology waffles?! You have crossed the LINE, stallion!"

Rainbow Dash marched back into her room, and then knocked aside her book of Wonderbolt flight statistics. Hidden behind it was a single envelope, unopened. With a flick of her wing, Rainbow tossed the enveloped onto her bed, and then pinned it down with a hoof.

She was about to tear it open, but she hesitated. She knew that inside was a note, but she had little idea what it said. The envelope was from Pinkie Pie, and she still remember clearly what the party pony had said when she'd given it over.

"This is ONLY to be opened in case of catastrophic escalation!" Pinkie said grimly. Except that she had a huge grin on her face. "The contents are sure to work! One-hundred-percent guaranteed! But this is WAAAAAY harsher than my other ideas!"

Rainbow Dash looked up at Pinkie, who was lying on her bed and personally recapping the warning she'd given at Sugarcube Corner.

"Only use it as a last resort! But I'm warning you: he might be SUPER mad!" Pinkie winked at the pegasus. "Don't want to jeopardize that hot Apple nookie, right?"

"Pinkie, how did you get in here?" Rainbow asked. "And how are you not falling through the cloud floor right now?"

The other mare leaned over to Rainbow until her muzzle was almost brushing Rainbow's ear. "I emptied your fridge," Pinkie whispered.

Then she hopped off the bed, hopped into the hall, and presumably hopped out the front door and hopped down the ladder. Dash had less respect for gravity than anypony else she knew, but even she felt like she couldn't watch her leave and still go on with her day as if the world still made sense.

So instead, she tore open the envelope, snapped up the note with her wingtips, and held it up so she could read it.

"......... Really? Well... okay. Have nothing to lose, right? Let's do this."

Nearly fourteen hours later, Big Mac was back at Rainbow Dash's house.

Not in the house, but rather below it. The stallion was seated at the bottom of the ladder that led up to the cloud mansion, slowly stewing in his own unease.

No. Unease wasn't the right word. It was guilt.

Big Macintosh felt guilty about the way he had rushed out of Rainbow's house that morning. That was the long and short of it.

It wasn't as if he couldn't justify it; Applejack had been plenty mad about him being late, he had warned Rainbow about his having to get up early, and she had told him that stupid fib about his cloudwalking pendant. Which he KNEW was a fib because he had already checked it with Twilight Sparkle, who had absolutely no memory of asking Rainbow Dash about it. Apparently the charge on such objects lasted longer than most ponies' natural lifespans. Unless Twilight was also part of some ghastly local conspiracy to slowly drive him insane, Dash had apparently just made it up to scare him. Which it did.

So if he wanted to rationalize away his behavior, he absolutely could. But he wouldn't. It didn't matter if Rainbow was being obnoxious and inconsiderate. It didn't matter if work was unusually demanding. He wouldn't make excuses for jabbing Rainbow in the flank until she let go of him and then flinging her aside like a cheap comforter and running out with no apology. Big Macintosh did not treat mares like that. He didn't do it to his sisters, he didn't do it to strangers, and he sure as hay didn't do it to his lovers.

The Apple stallion steeled himself and started climbing the ladder to Dash's house. He was trying to rehearse his apology in his head, but was worried about what kind of mood Rainbow would be in. Would she brush off his behavior? Or forget about it? Rainbow didn't have the greatest attention span. Should he try to remind her of what he'd done wrong so that she knew what he was apologizing for?

As he reached the front door and nervously thumped his hoof against it, he found he still had no real plan. So be it. He tended to come up with something on the spot, or remain quiet most times anyway. Whatever he might lack in tact and foresight he'd have to make up in sincerity.

The front door opened. Rainbow Dash smiled up at him.

"Hey, Big guy! Weren't sure that you were coming over tonight!" Rainbow chirped brightly.

Big Mac winced. She didn't seem to be mad. It was strange, but that was going to make this harder, not easier.

"Come on in, dude! I was hoping I wouldn't have to go out for dinner!" Rainbow trotted back into her kitchen, beckoning him along with a wing.

Mac followed hesitantly. Every natural urge told him to forget the apology; she had obviously forgotten, or didn't even care. But he resisted the call to take the easy way out. He was doing this for himself as much as Rainbow Dash.

He stepped into the kitchen, finally finding his words. "Dash, ya remember... this... m... m... m..."

The next word was "morning", but the word seemed to skip in his brain like a broken record player, leaving the first letter tumbling out of his slack jaw while he stared at Rainbow Dash's kitchen.

"I went shopping earlier today," Rainbow said, plucking a fruit out of a bowl on her dining table using her wing. It wasn't an apple.

Rainbow Dash held up the fresh, sweet pear in front of her coltfriend, wondering what was going through his head. She had to be honest, this "plan" of Pinkie's seemed like a stretch to her. "They had a sale on pears today, so I picked some up. Think you could whip something up with them?"

She had to admit that he seemed pretty shell-shocked. She didn't really get why, though.

"With... the p-pears?" Big Mac stumbled over his words, his eyes still wide.

"Yeah, the p-pears," Rainbow Dash chuckled and took a bite of her fruit. Mac visibly cringed. "I got a lot of them. Maybe you could whip up a dessert, too?"

The apple farmer took a step back. "Ah..." he paused to swallow, his mouth feeling unbearably dry. "Ah can't do that, Dash..."

"What? Why not?" the pegasus pressed. She took another bite. Big Mac flinched as if she had slapped him. "I just want a little variety in my food!" Rainbow insisted while chewing the sweet, juicy pear. "I get a little tired of apples, you know?"

Big Mac seriously contemplated taking off his cloudwalking pendant and throwing it away. Would the magic linger, he wondered? Would he slowly sink through the clouds, as if the floor were melting beneath him, or would he instantly drop, as if he stood on nothing at all?

It took him a moment to banish such dark, morbid thoughts and compose himself. To the extent he could, anyway. Visibly trembling, with a heart heavy with despair, Big Macintosh turned away.

"Big Mac?" Rainbow asked, putting down the pear. "What's up? Are you okay?"

"Ah..." the apple farmer walked stiffly toward the front door, his voice weak. "Ah think Ah need t'be alone tonight..."

"What? Are you serious?" Rainbow snorted, trotting up next to the stallion with her pear still wrapped in her wingtips. "Lighten up, dude. It's just a pear. Fruit jealousy is beneath you, Mac."

She laughed and took another bite of her fruit. Mac staggered as if somepony had plunged a dagger into his heart.

"Ah have to go!" Big Macintosh suddenly barreled toward the door as if he was escaping a fire. Rainbow watched in shock, idly taking another bite of her pear as the front door slammed shut.

"...... Was he CRYING?" Rainbow mumbled while she chewed. "Weird."

She smirked before she tossed aside the bare core of the pear. "Well, I don't know how Pinkie knew that would work, but that definitely worked! Ha! That'll teach Mac to mess with me!"

She took a seat at her dining room table. In front of a bowl full of pears. Alone.

"... Yup. Mission accomplished. Take that, Apple." Her tone was considerably less pleased now.

Rainbow Dash looked around at her kitchen. There were a few other bowls of pears scattered on the counter tops, and one placed next to the sink.

"Maybe I went a little overboard," the pegasus mumbled, "I didn't want him to LEAVE."

The thought was strange, though. Go overboard? With buying pears? Would it have made any difference if she just purchased one bowl? What was even Mac's problem, anyway?

"Guy's definitely overreacting. Getting so broken up about some dumb fruit. What is he, a fruit racist?" She picked up another pear and bit into it. "Guess it's pears for dinner, then."

Three pears later, Rainbow Dash was actively stewing in boredom and regret. Raw fruit a dinner did not make, it turned out; after so many months of the Apples' home-cooked meals, Dash found it hard to be content with mere snacks.

And then there was Mac himself. He had obviously been more upset about Rainbow's shopping decisions than she could have possibly predicted. What was he doing now? What was she supposed to do? Did she have to apologize next time she saw him? Over PEARS?

"This is ridiculous," she growled, tossing away another pear core, "after all this, now I have to go beg him for forgiveness?"

She was annoyed by the idea, but didn't see any other obvious options. Maybe she could just pretend nothing had happened and go about her business, waiting for Mac to get over this and come back to her, but that seemed even worse. Rainbow Dash HATED waiting. She'd rather take action and screw up than sit still and succeed, and that was an attitude she applied vigorously to her romantic life. As reflected by her current conundrum, incidentally.

"This is so stupid," she griped, opening the front door and leaping off her front porch/cloud. "I'll just say I didn't know he had such a problem with pears. It's not even a lie! I never would have guessed he had some sort of produce kryptonite!"

She flew to Sweet Apple Acres, moving at a decent cruising speed but refusing to hurry. She would swallow her pride and admit she was in the wrong, but with Celestia as her witness, she would be as irritated and reluctant as possible about it.

"Mac had better appreciate this," Rainbow grumbled while angling for a landing on the front porch of the Apple home. "Fruit racism. Yeesh. Sometimes I think I'm TOO loyal. What other mare would put up with this hay?"

She landed and then started trotting toward the front door. "But fine. Whatever. If the baby is going to throw a big fuss over some pears, then I'll be the bad guy. It's not worth fighting over."

She knocked at the front door, already scowling.

When the door opened, Rainbow wasn't terribly surprised to see Applejack emerge rather than Big Macintosh. She also wasn't shocked that Applejack's greeting was calm and courteous rather than friendly and cheerful.

"Why hello, Dash. Somethin' Ah can do fer ya?" Applejack asked.

Rainbow Dash hesitated. Applejack wasn't mad, but there was definitely some tension in her greeting that worried her.

"Hi AJ. Can I talk to Mac? We've got some... y'know, relationship stuff to work out." She couldn't quite come out and explain the source of her "fight" to Applejack. It was just too dumb.

"Yeah, Ah figgered," Applejack sighed. Her gaze hardened, and Rainbow Dash felt her breezy confidence wither a little bit. "Thing is, he don't want t'see ya right now, Dash. Come back some other time."

Rainbow groaned. "Oh, Celestia, is he really doing this? Hiding behind his sister? What is he, a twelve year-old filly?"

Applejack's glare ramped up a notch in intensity, and Rainbow decided that she could afford to be a little more sensitive in this time of minor relationship crisis.

"Okay, wait. I'm sorry. I didn't mean that." Rainbow took a deep breath. "I just really need to talk to Mac. We had a misunderstanding, and we need to talk it out like adult ponies, okay?"

This had a much better effect. Applejack's expression softened instantly, and she started to look doubtful. "Ah dunno, Dash. If Mac says he wants to mope around fer a night - even fer no good reason - Ah'm inclined to let him. Not like you can't drop in on him any time tomorrah." Then she smirked wryly. "'Sides, maybe if he actually spends a night at home fer once he'll actually get to work on time."

Rainbow Dash immediately felt the urge to point out that Big Mac was on time ninety-nine out of the one hundred consecutive work days he slaved away on the Apple farm. Instead, she firmly quashed those feelings and reached deep into her reserves of tact and reason. There wasn't much there, granted, but she would exhaust her whole damn lifetime supply for the possibility of getting to make out with her stallion tonight.

"AJ, I can't just let him sit around miserably all night. The longer I let this sit, the worse it's going to fester, you know? I care about Big Mac a lot, and I don't want this to drag on any longer than it already has. I made a mistake, and I want to make it better. Please, Applejack. Let me talk to him."

Applejack took a step back, clearly impressed. Rainbow Dash was as surprised as the farmer. That was awesome! Was this what it was like to actually think about what one said before speaking?

"Besides, I haven't had any since Thursday," Rainbow added, unwisely deciding to see if she could keep going, "a mare needs her medicine, ya know?"

Applejack grimaced, her earlier impression shattered. But at least she was sure now that the pegasus in front of her wasn't a changeling. "Yeah, fine, you can see 'im. C'mon in." She stepped back into the house, clearing the way for her friend.

Rainbow Dash brightened and trotted forward. "Thanks, AJ! I really appreciate this! I'd really feel awful if me and Mac really fell out over a bunch of pears."

Applejack's hoof suddenly pressed into Rainbow's chest. Before she knew what was happening, the pegasus found her host looming over her again, her eyes narrowed dangerously.

"What did you say?" Applejack asked. Her tone suggested that Rainbow's answer just might be a matter of life and death.

"Sorry! Sorry!" Rainbow rolled her eyes. "I'd feel really awful if Mac and I really fell out over a bunch of pears. When did Twilight enlist you into the ranks of the Grammar Police, Miss Southern Drawl?"

Surprisingly, this did not alleviate Applejack's sudden hostility. "What's this about pears? What did you do, Rainbow Dash?!"

Now Rainbow was getting worried. Applejack's hoof was starting to put a painful amount of pressure against her ribs, and she knew very well that it was still a fraction of what the farmer was capable of. "What? I just bought some pears and asked him to cook them for dinner rather than apples! I didn't know he'd throw a tantrum over it!"

As Applejack's expression went from incensed to red-faced rage, Rainbow wondered if she really had used her lifetime supply of tact earlier. If so, it might be time to invest in having her mouth magically removed or something. Didn't that happen to Pinkie once?

"YOU TREACHEROUS, BACK-STABBIN' MULE!!" the orange mare screamed, her hat literally blasting off her head.

"Wut." Rainbow replied, lending further credence to her "tact empty" theory.

"I didn't... How could you... And he even..." Applejack started sputtering, having entered into a state of fury so dizzying that it confounded her verbal skills. Rainbow Dash took the opportunity to back away out of kicking range, giving her a slight buffer to escape if such a thing became necessary.

"I don't get it! What's the big deal? So I like pears! Is that bad?" Rainbow demanded.

A gasp came from deeper in the house, and Rainbow craned her neck to see past the enraged mare in front of her.

"Did... Did she say...?" Apple Bloom quivered fearfully near the hallway, her eyes wide and brimming with unshed tears. Granny Smith quickly appeared behind her, pulling her back with a leg.

"There, there, youngin'. Never mind them two. Come along with Granny, now." The elder Apple quickly ushered the youngest away from the confrontation, shooting a glare behind her toward the door.

Suffice to say, Rainbow Dash was as confused as ever by the time Applejack recovered her faculties.

"Element of Loyalty mah flank!" She spat. "To think, Big Mac trusted you! Hay, even Ah trusted you! And this is how ya repay us?" She slammed a hoof into the floor, and Rainbow jumped in surprise as the board cracked apart under the impact. "And Mac... how could ya do this to him? He treated ya like a Princess, and you..." she started shaking again, obviously trying to keep from lashing out physically.

"Okay, wait..." Rainbow Dash mumbled, "does this mean you guys really ARE fruit racists?"

The pegasus was quite thankful she'd been cautious earlier, because the orange hoof that flew at her was shockingly fast. Rainbow dodged out the doorway and into the air, hovering above the front porch with an expression of dumbfounded shock.

"Git off mah property, ya featherbrained traitor!" Applejack snarled from below. "If Ah have mah way, you'll never lay an eye on Mac ever again!"

THAT statement jolted Rainbow out of her shock, and she felt like a lump of ice formed in her stomach. Never see Mac again? Over pears? Was she serious?

As the door slammed shut hard enough to destabilize Rainbow while five feet away in the air, she had to conclude that Applejack was serious.

"No. No way. This can't be happening." Rainbow Dash started panicking. She didn't know what to do. She hadn't seriously considered that any of this nonsense could break up her and Big Mac. It was impossible!

"I have to do something! I have to talk to him!"

In a rare moment of foresight, Rainbow Dash wondered if that would help. She had already turned the entire Apple family against her with her big mouth, and she wasn't exactly sure what her defense was anymore. Was she supposed to swear off pears? Try to convince the Apples that other fruits weren't evil? Were there support groups for this sort of thing she could reach out to?

At the thought of support, the spurned pegasus got an idea. She was confused, but she had help available. And there was at least ONE pony who clearly understood just what she had done wrong here.

"Pinkie Pie..."

****

"What the HAY happened, Pinkie?!" Rainbow demanded, beating her hooves against the floor in anger.

Pinkie turned her head around, blinking in surprise. She was in the process of dressing Gummy up in candy-themed dresses, and seemed entirely surprised to see an angry pegasus in her room.

"I'll take 'Context, please' for one hundred bits," Pinkie said.

Rainbow stalked up to the other mare, glaring harshly. "Pears."

Pinkie's eyes widened, and she gasped. "You used the Omega Protocol?! Dashie, why?!"

Rainbow's eye twitched. "What do you mean 'why?' You're the one who gave me the idea!"

"I didn't think you'd use it!" Pinkie protested, her ears drooping and her eyes tearing up. "Oh, what have I done? I've torn apart two young lovers with everything going for them! Cruel, cruel fate! How could I, master of parties, crash that greatest, sexiest party known as true love?!"

Pinkie sniffled, staring down at the floor and shaking her head. Then she flipped over and landed next to Rainbow Dash. "Oh well. Worked like a charm though, huh? Did he cry?"

"No he..." Rainbow started to snap, then she groaned. "Well, yes. A little, I think. But that's the problem! And now that I told AJ about it, SHE'S mad at me too! What the hay is that family's problem with pears?!"

"Fruit racists," Pinkie replied, shrugging.

Rainbow Dash really wanted to argue or question the point, but decided it was better for her sanity and her current objective to ignore it and move on. "Whatever! Mac and AJ are mad at me and I need to fix it! What can I do?"

"Apology party!" Pinkie suggested immediately, grinning and tossing a burst of confetti in the air. "We'll make a cake and then you can jump out of it and beg the Apples for forgiveness!"

"That's a terrible idea!" Rainbow complained. "I can't make a big, goofy production out of this!" She growled and started pacing back and forth across Pinkie's room. "They're taking this seriously, so I have to take it seriously too! I need to do something... personal! Heartfelt! And... what's the word... Sincere! Yeah!"

Pinkie Pie furrowed her brow and stared up at the ceiling, thinking hard on the three adjectives that Rainbow had decided were crucial to correcting this romantic disaster.

Then she lowered her gaze back to Rainbow Dash. "So, then, why did you come to me?"

Rainbow Dash grimaced as she stood outside of Fluttershy's house.

It seems inevitable, she supposed, that she would end up back here. If she had taken Fluttershy's advice to begin with, she wouldn't be in this mess. And she had to admit, resolving a grudge and making up seemed like more of a Kindness thing than a Laughter thing.

The door opened slightly, and Fluttershy peeked out.

"Oh, Rainbow Dash! Hello!" Fluttershy quickly pulled the door open and stepped aside to let her in. "Come in, please! Is there something I can do for you?"

"Yeah, actually, there is," Rainbow Dash said glumly. She hung her head as she entered, and followed the other pegasus into the cottage sitting room. "I need to ask you for a favor, Shy. You might be the only one who can help."

"Oh, my. This sounds serious." Fluttershy took a seat on an ottoman, looking worried. "What's wrong?"

Rainbow took a deep breath. "Okay, well, you know how I stopped by the other day to ask for ways to annoy Big Macintosh?"

"Yes, I remember," Fluttershy confirmed, "and then I said you shouldn't do that."

Rainbow sucked in some air through her teeth. "Well... I kind of went ahead and did that anyway."

"Rainbow Dash!" Fluttershy gasped.

"Yeah, yeah, I know! It was dumb and petty and I shouldn't have done it! Believe me, I don't need any... uh... lectures..." she trailed off as Discord slowly rose up from behind the living room couch, smiling broadly at Fluttershy.

The yellow pegasus dropped off her seat, went to her saddlebags near the door, and then withdrew a small sack. Then she walked over to Discord and dropped the sack into his waiting hand.

"All right. Go on," Fluttershy said sadly, taking her seat again, "what happened?"

Rainbow decided, in the end, to ignore the exchange. She had more important things to worry about. "Well, at first it was okay. I was just needling him like I wanted, and nopony was getting hurt." She sighed. "But then I guess I went too far. Now Mac doesn't want to see me, and AJ is so mad that she doesn't even want me on her property."

Fluttershy gasped. "That's terrible! What did you do?"

A heavier groan came from the stunt flier. "I bought a bunch of pears and said I was tired of apples."

"You did WHAT?!" Rainbow was fairly surprised to hear this distressed shout come from Discord rather than Fluttershy. "You used the Omega Protocol?! How could you?"

She stared up at the spirit of chaos suspiciously. "What do YOU care?"

Discord pouted, holding up the bits he had received from Fluttershy. "Well, great, now I owe these to Pinkie Pie. Easy come, easy go." With a regretful sigh, he walked across the room, up the wall, and then out a nearby window.

"Yeah, still gonna go ahead and ignore that." Rainbow returned her full attention to Fluttershy. "Anyway, when I did the pear thing, Mac left. Then, when I tried to apologize for that I let it slip what I did to AJ and she went ballistic! What do you think, Shy? Can I fix this?"

The other pegasus furrowed her brow and nodded. "Yes, I think you can. You need to apologize."

"Okay... uh... how? I tried to do that already," Rainbow pointed out.

"Did you explain everything? That you were only trying to antagonize Big Mac the whole time?"

Rainbow winced. "No... I kind of figured that would make them more mad, not less."

The meek pegasus shook her head. "Rainbow Dash, they're not upset that you bought pears. They're upset that you're not the pony they thought you were. They didn't know you were putting on an act."

Rainbow Dash stared at the other mare, uncomprehending. "They're upset I'm not... a pony... that... doesn't buy pears?"

Fluttershy got up from her seat. "Come on. I'll arrange for you to talk to Applejack and Big Macintosh. We need to resolve this right away. But you have to apologize, and you have to be honest."

"Uh... but I kind of do like pears, though," Rainbow admitted as the other pegasus walked by.

"Not about that part," Fluttershy clarified, stepping outside, “let's go.”

And so, here she was. Pacing at the edge of Sweet Apple Acres, her heart thundering and her nerves a wreck. Apology number two: the reckoning.

"C'mon, Dash! This should be easy. I'm Rainbow Dash! Big Mac is the luckiest stallion to... to... I mean, he should be overjoyed that I... that I even..." her words trailed off into mumbles, and she shook her head furiously. It wasn't working. She couldn't psyche herself up. Not about this. Not about asking forgiveness for a stupid prank and begging her coltfriend to take her back. It was the antithesis of cool.

But there was nothing to do about it. She had dug this hole, and she had already called in as much backup as she dared. No way was she going to let RARITY in on this when the prissy loon thought she and Mac were supposed to be engaged, and asking for Twilight for help was sure to turn this into a huge, complicated production with a side of magic catastrophe. No thanks. She was doing this Fluttershy style, and that meant humility and benevolence.

"Rainbow Dash!" called a gentle, sing-songy voice from down the road.

Rainbow stiffened, snapping her head around. Fluttershy was coming up the path. The two older Apple siblings were behind her, both of them bearing expressions more suited for criminals on a walk to the gallows: Applejack with bitter defiance, and Big Macintosh with mortified regret.

It was now or never. And Rainbow Dash was not going to choose "never".

"All right, here Ah am. This better be GOOD," Applejack growled. Fluttershy winced at the unrestrained hostility.

Rainbow Dash suppressed her own annoyance. She'd prefer this be resolved between she and Big Mac alone, but she supposed that Applejack also needed to be appeased. She took a deep breath.

"Obviously, I have a lot of explaining to do," Rainbow said, hanging her head, "so, uh, let's get to it. First off, I need to let you guys know that the whole pear thing was just a prank that Pinkie Pie came up with for me. I did not actually go out and buy a bunch of pears because I was getting tired of eating apples all the time."

Applejack and Big Mac recoiled, surprised.

"Wait... a 'prank'? Who comes up with a prank like that? That ain't funny!" Applejack retorted.

Rainbow wondered if Applejack meant that in the sense of the prank not being particularly funny in itself, or if she was simply emphasizing how offensive she found the existence of pears. Whatever. Not important.

"It wasn't a 'ha ha' kind of prank, it was..." Rainbow groaned, and she let her rear fall to the ground. "It was just something I did to aggravate Mac. Get him a little riled up or something, I dunno. I didn't expect it to work THAT well!"

Big Mac was going to speak, but Applejack beat him to the punch, controlling their side of the conversation. "You were tryin' to make Mac mad? Why would ya do that?" She seemed skeptical, which Rainbow admitted was a big improvement over angry.

"It's dumb. I know that. I was just trying to get back at him a little, and it got totally out of hoof, and I am SO SORRY, you guys!" She clapped her front hooves together, her ears pinned to the side of her head.

Big Mac took a step forward, a relieved smile spreading across his face.

Then an orange hoof stopped him dead in his tracks.

"Hold up, love birds. What's this 'bout 'gettin' back' at Big Mac? Near Ah can tell, he treats ya like royalty!" Applejack demanded, glancing between her brother and her (tentative) best friend. "What's he done that yer hatchin' revenge plots 'gainst him?"

Big Macintosh winced, but said nothing.

"It's nothing. No big deal. Like I said, it's totally stupid and I regret it already," Rainbow explained, waving a hoof.

"Bah now, it's a pretty big deal," Applejack drawled. "Spill it, RD."

"AJ, seriously, it's none of your-"

Fluttershy cleared her throat, the gentle sound slicing through Rainbow's irritated retort. "Dash, I think you should explain everything."

"But-! That was-! I can't-! You didn't-!" Rainbow Dash sputtered protests, but it was no use. Fluttershy waited patiently, Applejack arched an eyebrow and stood firmly in from of Big Macintosh, and the stallion at the heart of all her current difficulties shrugged helplessly.

"URGH! Fine!" Rainbow shouted, slamming her hoof into the ground. "Look, sometimes in the morning I cling to him and he needs to get to work but I won't let him go even though I'm half-asleep and then he tickles me to get me loose! And I HATE that, OKAY?!"

Applejack's laughter was like a lash across Rainbow's wings. Her face burned, and she swore that she'd come up with a new, different revenge plot for the orange pony as soon as her relationship with Mac was restored.

"Well, Ah never would o'guessed that! HAH! Who woulda thunk that tough ol' Rainbow Dash was ticklish? Ain't that the cutest thang?" Applejack taunted, grinning for the first time since driving Dash away earlier that day.

Crucially, however, she also stepped out of Big Mac's way.

"Shucks, Ah'm glad it was just a dumb joke. That was some ugly business, right there." Then Applejack chuckled and gave her brother a light kick in the leg. "Well? Go on, lover boy! What're you waitin' fer?"

Big Mac had been waiting for a sign that Applejack wasn't about to body-slam him for approaching his marefriend, specifically. With that possibility past, he slowly approached Rainbow Dash.

"I'm so, so, sorry, Mac. I know you didn't deserve what I did. Or any of the other stuff I did yesterday," Rainbow Dash admitted.

Applejack arched an eyebrow again. "Oh? There was more?"

"Shut up! We're done with you! Go home!" the pegasus snapped. Applejack rolled her eyes, but then she tipped her hat and turned away to head back inside.

"Ah'm sorry too, Dash," Big Mac whispered. "Rushin' out the door this mornin' and making such a fuss over... over..."

His voice weakened, and the stallion cleared his throat awkwardly. "Ya were makin' it all up, right? About bein' tired of apples?"

"Yes! Absolutely! It was all a lie!" Rainbow shouted, resisting the urge to shed a happy tear.

"And... And ya don't REALLY like pears, do ya?" Big Mac asked, his voice shaking slightly.

At this, Rainbow hesitated. "... Hold that thought."

Then she quickly jumped over next to Fluttershy and started whispering in her ear. "Okay, can we at least acknowledge that the pear hate is a little weird? It's not like I need them in my life, but-"

"Dash. Stick to the script," Fluttershy replied gently, smiling serenely the whole time.

Suppressing a sigh, Rainbow quickly jumped back in front of Big Macintosh. "Nope! No pears for me! Can't stand them! Really, I almost puked right after you left! Bleaugh!"

She was immediately scooped up into a hug, and her heart sang as she nuzzled Big Mac's neck happily.

"Ah'm so sorry Ah left, darlin'. Ah shoulda known better." Big Mac sniffled slightly. "Ah don't want anythin' like that to come between us again."

Rainbow Dash couldn't stop herself from sniffling as well, and she melted into Big Mac's embrace. "You owe me so much make-up sex!"

Dear Princess Celestia,

Today I learned that no relationship is perfect. But if you obsess over the little bad things, you're going to miss the big good things... or lose them completely. If two ponies really love each other, then they can work out their problems. Love isn't a game or a contest. We just want each other to be happy.

I also learned that Fluttershy gives good advice and Pinkie Pie does not. In hindsight I really should have known that before, but there you go.

Also, fruit racism is a thing. That exists.

Your most awesome subject,

Rainbow Dash

Author's Note

I felt like the few references to intercourse in the story still didn't warrant the "Sex" tag in this story. I'm of the opinion that it should only be used if any actual sex happens in the story (with the difference between Mature and Teen ratings being a standard of how explicit it is). Still, I suppose I could have offended some people with this decision, and if so I apologize.

That is a paragraph I never thought I'd have to write.