Her Skin Shines Like the Sun
It has been years, for at least almost two decades or so. I am a nineteen year old wandering idiot searching for someone to comfort me. Well, at least, that's what I thought. I sometimes don't even know what I'm searching for, whether it be a fallen acorn off a pine tree in the middle of Custer State Park, or a small piece of string on the sidewalk of Seventy Third Avenue, nothing seems to be getting my attention. Who would want to see a lower class wearing ripped jeans and a five year old t-shirt that hasn't been washed for months that says "No Mood For Phony Conversation"?
Let me tell you, I HATE people, like just people in general. They think they know their topics so well, and they just spit whatever the hell is on their mind, and their confidence is so full and fat to point that it becomes gross. I may not always get what Chris or Sarah mean when they talk to me, because I lack reading; I lack the literacy to understand the point they're trying to come across. Those two people are pretty nice, I guess, but still part of the ignorant group of people in the category that I put them in. No one gets what I need to say, because they don't listen, they DON'T care. Eventually, people don't wish to speak with me. If they have to enjoy their free time and space, I would be their last option.
My lack of motivation and the abrupt bankruptcy of the education system in this world did not make me a better person. I try, but in the end it seems more like I'm trying to try, and that always fails as all the hopes and dreams I once had now go down the drain. I almost dropped out of college, but the constant "threats" my parents gave me forced me to climb a few distances out of the bottomless pit, and I barely managed to pass my freshman year. Now all I need to do is choose a stupid major that interests me the most.
Right, nothing interests me at all. Throughout all the years, I have wanted to dig in this gold mine, or search through that door, I wanted to become everything. It was foolish alright, for my performance in high school was tremendously below mediocre. Let's not get too much into detail on that. All I meant is that in the end, I had nothing to become, nowhere to go, a lane down Abbey Road became some unknown and feared ratchet.
Fair enough, hell rises when one has no passion for life. God thinks life's a gift for humans to enjoy but at the same time suffer. Giving us all sorts of emotions to play with, buttons to press, like a video game but in actual reality. There is almost no such thing with one being "bored" and crap. I sometimes would go hang out at my friend 's house to play video games, whether it be first person shooter that enrages me or virtual racing giving me the breath to take, I just wanted to escape, I can't face reality, I just can't. Playing pointlessly and aiming lifelessly other than aiming at a zombie to shoot at. To avoid all the work, I play, enjoying what I call "paradise", and the stress won't stop coming, I don't want to be busy at all.
Procrastination is dangerous, it's enough to deal eternal pain; something far worse than perhaps death.
Winter's almost over, as the winter break closes in with more work from college, yet I still feel like a child whenever I come to this beach, on the coast of New Jersey, God knows where the place is called because I can care less, it's only a temporary residence until the break's over anyway. One might start saying, "Why did you come to the beach during a winter break? That's no fun." They're right, my parents didn't take me to this trip for the beach, it was to visit a friend of theirs that I had no matters with, yet those two idiots still thought it was a good idea to bring me here; to this sloppy place. I was enraged, frustrated, sick of how little control I have over myself, that I'm still being breastfed by mom and terrorized by dad. I'm nineteen for God's sake!
Bored with mobile entertainment inside the hotel, I decided to step out and get some fresh air. After putting on my black leather jacket, a pair of jeans and a pair of sandals, I took a normal step right outside the door, and it ended up with the icy air sending shivers down my spines. I had nothing else to put on to keep warm, maybe I should go back, but there is nothing to be done indoors either. I looked at the beach, which was pretty empty besides maybe a person or two per three hundred square meters. There were some people walking outside on the sidewalks and the streets, and many were in nearby cafes and restaurants, enjoying themselves with friends, living the moment. The closest restaurant was a seafood restaurant called the Red Lobsters. It's filled with many people inside, whether it be partying, drinking and just chatting. Right outside of the restaurant was a red platform and a ramp that served as an entrance and an exit at the same time.
The furthest I can see was a table of seven people at it, presumably all girls due to their long hair and colorful appearances, not saying that guys can't/don't have that sort of appearance. They seemed to be toasting and drinking, and next a rainbow haired one was furiously eating on a lobster claw, while three other girls were chatting normally but happily. A pink red girl whose hair looked like she had been partying was beating on the table with her spoon and fork. They are surely making a good time out of their lives, I couldn't help but think how they will part ways one day and then reminiscing about all this. Those fortunate years when you have friends by your side and just that is enough to make you feel better already.
I couldn't get any more salt than the Atlantic Ocean itself. Holding my two fists tightly, I can do nothing but only glare at them without their notice. I cursed at God up in the sky with my eyes closed, because I wasn't ready to face him and his wrath, but my voice was loud enough to be heard, though most of my words were lost in the winds.
Suddenly, I watched as two girls from the same table that I just saw, come out of Red Lobster, and are now on the red ramp, speaking at a heated mood. One that caught my attention was a girl with long, cherry blossom, pinkish hair that blocked the rest of her face, and her skin was, was just, yellow. Not dandelion, nor butter or canary, but just pure yellow. Not like plain yellow that you see on crayons or such, but naturally beautiful. She is wearing a white tank top, with short khakis that suits her perfectly. Her body seemed soft, and I can even say: fragile. Her chest is surprisingly appealing for men with strong desires, which includes a sore loser like me, I guess. She began walking down the ramp out of the restaurant, before the other girl grabbed her arm.
The other girl, whose skin was fairly orange, was wearing a red buttoned up blouse with the sleeves tied up at her elbows, and tight jeans that made her legs stand out to be a bit buff compared to the other girl. She had freckles on her face. Her eyes are emerald green, shiny and fine looking. Her long, blonde hair was all out into the harsh wind, blowing in front of her face. She wears a pair of brown and red leather boots, and it shines with that small piece of badge like metal near the the boot's heel. As a city kid all my life, it was my first time seeing a country girl, as she even had that large cowboy hat strapped on her neck, hanging behind her back. From the looks of it, she must've been working her blood out feeding and carrying her family, and enjoying some sense of freedom that urban places don't offer.
Unlike this idiot standing across them whose life was wasted on not even carrying his own self.
As I observed the teenage girls talking, the pink haired one closed her eyes and turned away from her friend, giving her pair of sandals to her as she walked away onto the brown sand. The country girl put her right hand at her hips and her left hand on her face, as she let out a worrisome sigh before heading back in.
I didn't want to sound creepy, but I seized the chance to walk along the beach with her. Following her steps, I took off my sandals once I stepped onto the sand, and held it in my left hand as I walked right behind the pink haired girl, keeping myself at a safe distance away from her to avoid any suspicious assumptions from witnesses nearby. I turned back to look at the remaining six girls inside the crowded restaurant, a bit silent, and almost gloomy looking.
'It must have been something up with that girl I'm following right now.' I thought, but I shrugged and followed her on, imprinting my foot exactly onto her footprints.
The day was cold, I felt so helpless as I took a glance up at the dark clouds conquering the vast sky. No ray of sunlight was to be seen or felt, therefore no warmth to comfort me. The only heat that's keeping me alive and radiated, is the figure walking gracefully right in front me, as if she's dreaming in paradise. No, I must be dreaming! Her long, pink hair is fluttering to her left, towards the great Atlantic. I love the fact that her legs are basically two smooth, outlined triangles that thins down at her ankles. Her walking style was splendid; one foot behind the other per step, although not exaggeratedly, but slow, natural and pure, as if I'm watching a supermodel doing a commercial. But what really caught me good, was her skin, it was that perfect yellow, that can outshine that damn Sun of Apollo! The energy is swirling through my body was all thanks to that skin color of hers. I don't know why, nor do I want to know. As I said before: I only want to be in the moment that brings me the most joy.
All of a sudden, she stopped walking, and was about to turn her head around. Did she know about my actions this whole time?! I quickly turned around and pretended to be a normal guy walking on the beach. At the corner of my eye, however, I could not help but take a peek at the side of her face when she knelt down, facing towards the ocean. Slowly and steady, I shifted my feet closer to her by a centimeter per second, not wanting to catch her attention. Once I got close enough, I stopped my movements, and observed her performing her charm.
She ran down her cherry blossomed hair slowly, before picking up some fairly large seashells off the sands as the waves frequently beat the shore, passing through her feet. Asides from shells, she also picked up some colorful conchs. After that's all done, she got back up and walked on. All this left me with questions and confusion; is this some sort of tradition? Perhaps gifts or presents for her friends?
My head was silenced once I realized, that she knelt down again after another few steps, and placed the conchs and seashells on some hermit crabs and oysters. The critters touched the yellow skinned girl's hand, before she picked them up, touching and feeling the tiny animals. I can barely see her face still with all that cherry blossom hair playing with my vision. She said something in a voice so low that I can only hear her breath by the passing wind. It was weak, and quiet, but I just know it's something warm hearted as if it was a natural beauty; as if I was in Custer State Park, wondering at the trees, gazing at my image as it sways in the clear lake.
It's sometimes good to feel alone and reflect on personal things. I can't describe what specifically that "thing" is, but it's there, in the soul that's one day going to burst. That's what this girl is reminding me of: nature, solidity and peace, and that's all done by just staring at her outward appearance.
But now after awhile being with her, I now realized a part of her inner character too: She's kind, and caring, even towards the smallest of living things that no regular person would ever pay attention to. It now draws even more attention from me, fortunate to have met such a wonderful girl. After putting her critter friends back to where they belong, she continued to walk in that sultry way, it looks so innocent and cute, I can never get tired of that.
Put me in a electric chair and I would be electrocuted with my lust for her. I'm yearning to die for that chemistry, the exothermic reaction raising the enthalpy to a maximum level. She is the hydrogen chloride to my sodium hydroxide, and at last there is the Atlantic Ocean we can spend our times in... Forget my obsession with science, but this new feeling of hype is taking me back to the old days when I was fascinated with that subject, I dare to learn, discover and know. Now, I lost the majority of my passion for science, as knowledge became dull, discovering became effort and sweat, and learning became a chore.
I just didn't know where went wrong since then, life wasn't all so easy after all.
Maybe I should seize another opportunity to seek love with her, who is still walking in front of me. If I let this all go, who knows what will happen to me? Maybe everything will return to normal; as I will still be that same loser being ignored by colleagues whenever I pass by, or failing at my major and working in the dumps. I don't want that kind of "normal" in my life, no damn person wants a dull life that's filled with only rage and hatred. Something in my life's gonna change once I do something on my own here, whether it be her, my family, myself, my teacher, whatever there is. I would never know if I tried.
With all that courage mustered up inside me, I picked up some seashells and conchs myself. I don't care if she doesn't want them or not, but as long as she understood my justified motive, she would treat me like a friend with that kind heart of hers. To me, she's not one of those ignorant nor stupid, her skin says it all with that concentrated amount of sunshine yellow. Reminds me of back when I was only a kid, drinking lemonade juice on a hot, sticky summer day. The refreshing taste and the icy cold liquid rushed forth through my thirsty throat as I gulped, and gulped down on it.
Those were the good days I had, and maybe I should seek for better once I gather up these pretty treasures for her. The clouds began to fade away once the wind picked up. By the time I can see the clear sky again, it was almost as dark as the clouds, for I can see stars twinkling at me without rest. I hadn't felt that my foot was sank wet into the sand as I shifted closer to the ocean after following that yellow skinned girl's tracks. I can sink in and be buried for all I care. Right now, I just want to find the chance to grab her by the arms, and hold her in place. I know it sounds creepy, and inappropriate for a fine woman like her, but such craving is crazily dangerous and fulfilling to a man's needs.
I shook my head furiously, trying not to think selfishly. 'If I truly wanted her, then I would ensure that nothing will hurt her; and I must protect her with my very best efforts.' I kept on repeating this to myself as I inched closer and closer to her cherry blossomed hair that was still being blown to her left. She continued to put a foot behind the other per step. Her hips swayed from her left to her right so subtly, but nicely. She then stopped again, taking a glance up at the stars, and the soon incoming white light that crashed through the thick clouds. I also took a glance at those shiny objects, but sooner than I thought, the glance turned into an eternal gaze as my eyes met the moon, as it climbed its way to the top while there is still a bit of the purple horizon at the end of the Atlantic, barely shimmering.
'It feels so cool now, not cold at all.' I thought to myself in excitement.
The northern green ocean waves soon arrived to my feet, and then not soon touching hers. Already by that I can sense a connection, that hides in the deep. It's her pure beauty and my striving for it that's making this reality happen. This is the night, before tomorrow, that I will finally succeed in something great—
But at the same time, I fear the worst coming: There was failure, lack of a proper soul or a good heart, to obtain this love. Almost no way, she deserves me.
Me?
As in a sore loser who knows nothing but gambling in casinos and raffle tickets? If I'm sure that I can read some girl so well just by her actions on the first day that I met her, and that turns out to be something positively hopeful, that means I could not see my own self the same way, the one whom I was for nearly twenty years of my life. If not even one person would want to be my friend, then who else would? Definitely not the sensual one walking right in front of me. I was lost in wandering through my thoughts, not even noticing that I dropped the seashells and conchs. The more I look at that girl now, the more nerve racking I became. Her beauty and charm does not appreciate some garbage like I am right now.
Even so, I want her to be mine, it's nothing else that's on my mind other than the craving for her. Her yellow is keeping me alive. Those beautiful cells of hers make her look bright through her skin and yellow on her her mind. This might be perhaps my last gamble for a wonderful prize, I promise that.
Suddenly, I stumbled over the same seashells and conchs that I just dropped. 'It hurt like hell!' My mind winced like a baby, but to concentrate on what's really important right now, is to deliver the gift that I will have sent to her. If she doesn't want them, fine. As long as she recognizes who I am and how much I appreciate her, then she might appreciate me back, hopefully. I was clumsy and rushed as I tried to pick the scattered objects up, it wasn't so hard if I hadn't—
"FLUTTERSHY!"
The girl in front of me flinched, and so have I almost. She was turned her head slowly. The most I can see are her lips. However, before she completely revealed her face, she turned forward continued to walk slowly. I didn't have to look, and I heard the other girls' voice, perhaps it was from those girls who have sat with her back in that Red Lobster restaurant.
As the other girls began to catch up after their friend, although still a good distance away from the two of us, I managed to finish picking up the seashells and conchs. I must give her these to show my gratitude, and my own kindness to her. That's probably the best way for the two of us to move on with our lives—
The girl suddenly turned around. I froze, almost in terrifying excitement. I did not expect this to happen, but, she's standing right there, looking at me with those clear, cerulean eyes. She put her hands in front of her and clutched them tightly. Her left knee bends into her right leg slightly. Her cheeks blushed a little. She seemed to be just as awkward and nervous as I am, after taking a look at the seashells and conchs in my arms. I gave her a grin, just by a little, and that should be enough for someone like her to notice it.
The ocean waves chattered with cold breath, the winds seemed to have died down, the clouds are now completely erased. Here I am, with my dream all coming too soon and true. I care for nothing else right at this moment, as we wait for each other to speak first. The shuffling sound of the sand began repeating itself louder and louder. Before I can extend out my arms to show her my presents, she opened her mouth.
"Um, h-hello..."
Author's Note
FYI, the sloppy narrating was meant for the story.
This is the official version of "Yellow" by Coldplay.
If you want to hear the acoustic version out (I recommend this one), here it is!
