Nyx had never gotten over her fear of thunderstorms, so on the uncommon occasion where one was scheduled in Ponyville, Twilight Sparkle would arrange a trip to another town. Spike would often tag along as well, but one day, he found he would be the only one accompanying Nyx to the Crystal Empire. Twilight wanted to be on hoof at the castle, as Starlight Glimmer claimed she was close to a breakthrough with her cure for Amber Aldis’ illness. Spike and Nyx were still on the station platform when the storm clouds were being shunted over Ponyville.
“I wish I could be like Scootaloo,” said Nyx. “She likes to sit on her porch and watch the lightning.”
“Really? Sweetie Belle told me she was just as scared as her and Apple Bloom that night in Appaloosa when they found Trouble Shoes,” said Spike.
“Oh. She’s not scared of thunder and lightning as long as she’s inches from her front door,” Nyx explained. “Plus she says as long as you’re careful, you can’t come to harm. But the first thunderstorm I’ve ever been in wasn’t mare-made. It was in the Everfree.”
“Well, technically you weren’t in the storm,” reasoned Spike. “But since it was your first memory, I totally understand why you were disturbed. Well, where we’re going, you won’t have to even think about thunderstorms. The Crystal Empire only ever has showers. Their met office is probably the most efficient in Equestria.”
“And they all love you there,” said Nyx. “I almost wish I’d been there when you brought the Crystal Heart to them. Instead I stayed here and fell for that trap Pulp Puree and Winter Squash set for me.”
As Twilight wasn’t going to accompany Nyx to the Crystal Empire, she had intended to send Lazybug with her. But Lazybug was tending to Crosspatch, who’d taken ill because she’d sprayed herself with bacteria-infected water. So Nyx left on the train to the Crystal Empire with Spike, who could probably ask for anything he liked from the crystal ponies.
“Remember. You gotta give me a nudge if I go too far asking for stuff there,” Spike said, looking away from Nyx. “Sometimes I can’t help myself.”
“I’ll let you know,” promised Nyx. “But I heard that the crystal ponies often ask you for things as well.”
“Mostly autographs,” said Spike. “Oh, and sometimes I light bonfires for them. You know the fire I breathe can cook food and make it really delicious, right?”
“Of course I do. I’ve tasted your smores,” grinned Nyx. “Um, when I was on that field trip to the Crystal Empire, our guide showed us a dragon who lived there.”
“Impulsoria.”
“That’s right. Does she ever light bonfires for the crystal ponies?” asked Nyx.
“Sometimes, but not for cooking. Her fire doesn’t have the same effect. In fact, her smoke’s got a weird sort of perfume to it,” Spike wrinkled his nose at the memory of it. “That’d make anything unpleasant.”
“What’s she like?” asked Nyx. “She didn’t seem too friendly when me and my classmates met her.”
“She’s just a bit moody because she’s still recovering from the effect Fluttershy’s Element of Harmony had on her,” said Spike. “She may not be a rampaging beast anymore, but she still has a hard time sticking with the mountain of gemstones she’s got in her cave.”
He didn’t bring up the time he’d changed in the face of countless jewels in the tunnels beneath Canterlot.
The weather was pristine in the Crystal Empire when Spike and Nyx arrived. Prince Shining Armour was waiting for them when they arrived at the station.
“Hey, guys,” he smiled when Spike and Nyx stepped off the train. “How do you like the weather here, Nyx?”
“It’s wonderful,” replied Nyx. “It’s not all for me, is it?”
“Not completely,” said Shining. “Everyone here’s just in such high spirits. My wife’s pretty far along. She hasn’t been out and about lately.”
“When you put it like that,” chuckled Spike, “it sounds like everyone’s happy to not see Cadance around.”
The three of them laughed.
“So the baby’s well on the way?” Nyx beamed.
“Yep. It won’t be long now,” Shining bounced on his hooves. “And that’s not the only reason the crystal ponies are in a good mood.”
“What else is going on?” asked Spike.
“Remember when the Wonderbolts Millennium Rally took place at Rainbow Falls and it had to be called off before the final round was over?” asked Shining. “Well, Miss Harshwhinny decided to go back to the original plan of holding an Air Sprinting event here. We’re waiting on confirmation from the Wonderbolts.”
“Oh, so it’ll just be the Wonderbolts taking part?” asked Spike.
“Yeah, Miss Harshwhinny wants to stick with them. But hey, maybe Rainbow Dash will win the Reserves draw,” said Shining optimistically.
Shining Armour took Spike and Nyx to see Cadance, who invited the two of them to feel the baby kicking.
“I’m gonna be a cousin,” Nyx was so excited, her voice cracked.
“I’ll be glad when this baby’s born,” sighed Cadance. “I haven’t been shut up in the castle for very long, and I already miss being out amongst the crystal ponies. The last outdoor event I got to attend was an artwork exhibition.”
“There haven’t been any big events here since then,” said Shining.
“But there’s one coming up, and I’ll have to miss it,” replied Cadance.
“You could watch from a window,” suggested Spike. “Or a balcony.”
“I was thinking about that,” said Cadance. “I’ll see how I feel when it comes, but I’d much rather be in the crowd.”
“Couldn’t Miss Harshwhinny schedule the Air Sprinting for after your due date?” asked Nyx.
“She says she’s put it off for long enough,” Shining Armour grunted. “According to her, that event was supposed to take place before last winter.”
“Besides, I’ll be busy after the baby’s born,” said Cadance. “So the Air Sprinting will probably be the last big event I get to watch for a while.”
“I’d say the baby being born will be a big event,” said Spike. “I know the day I was hatched was a big day in Twilight’s life.”
“It should be,” chuckled Shining. “She’s the one who hatched you.”
Spike and Nyx had arranged to stay in the Crystal Empire for four days, even though the thunderstorm was only scheduled in Ponyville for one day and one night. They spent half of their first day in the castle at a luncheon with Cadance and Shining Armour and some of the guards. Then they wiled away the afternoon roaming the city streets and soaking up the atmosphere. The crystal ponies became especially jubilant before sundown when the news arrived that the Wonderbolts would indeed be taking part in the upcoming Air Sprinting event. For half an hour, there was a conga line a mile long snaking around the Crystal Empire, which Spike and Nyx were part of.
“Ponyville’s weather team picked the perfect time for a thunderstorm,” said Spike ecstatically.
“The crystal ponies sure do get excited,” said Nyx. “Look at the Crystal Heart.”
Spike found it difficult to look at the Crystal Heart; it was something of a blur. It didn’t eject any energy into the sky during the merriment that took place that evening, but Spike and Nyx never doubted that all was well with morale in the empire.
There was just as much noise and excitement first thing the next morning, but the atmosphere wasn’t jubilant. The alarm call that pulled Spike and Nyx from their beds was a burst of screaming.
“What the heck is going on out there?!” cried Spike, bumping into one of the bedposts in his sleepy haze.
“Is the empire under attack?!” asked Nyx in a panicky way.
Spike bolted to the window and looked towards the stadium, where the screams seemed to be coming from. But there was something blocking the guestroom window’s view of the Crystal Stadium.
“Is that a piñata?” asked Nyx when she got to the window. “And… is it hanging from a parachute?”
“Is that what everyone’s screaming about?” Spike wondered. “Do they think there’s an invasion or something?”
They both listened. The screaming had stopped completely. And now that they were fully awake, neither of them was even a hundred percent sure what they’d heard was screaming. Regardless, they wanted to go and see what the fuss was about. They left the guestroom and took off down the corridor towards the exit. Spike slowed down and looked around at the suits of armour standing proud and noble in the halls.
“Someone glued googly-eyes on the suits of armour,” he chuckled.
Nyx looked around at the battle suits, and the battle suits seemed to look back at her.
As soon as they exited the Crystal Castle, they knew for sure that something really weird was going on. All around the exterior walls of the city’s buildings, a network of hamster tubes had been set up. Spike and Nyx found it was impossible to look somewhere outside without laying eyes upon at last one hamster tube. They passed over window sills and turned around corners, they disappeared into bushes and snaked around tree branches, and there were even long lines of tubes high above the streets. And on closer inspection, Spike and Nyx were astounded to see that there were hamsters running around in these tubes. As they made their way toward the stadium, the saw a few cages, which acted as pit stops for the hamsters to stop and eat and drink before carrying on running around town in the vast network of colourful plastic tubes. They looked like they were enjoying themselves.
“There’s the piñata hanging from the parachute,” Spike and Nyx said at the same time.
Come to find out, they were both pointing in different directions. It turned out there was more than one piñata hanging around town. About a third of the lampposts in the city had a parachute stuck on the top with piñatas dangling from them.
When they approached the stadium, they both jumped. There appeared to be an enormous crab-like creature standing outside the stadium. It didn’t take long to realise that it was just a spray painted image. There was a royal guard shooing crystal ponies from the stadium.
“Calm down, everyone. A clean-up crew’s been summoned,” he was saying. “We’ll have all this cleaned away soon.”
Shining Armour arrived.
“Sharp Ranger,” he said to the guard who was ushering the crystal ponies away, “any idea who’s responsible for all this vandalism?”
“Yeah,” Sharp Ranger replied. “I think it was him.”
He pointed to Spike.
“Me?! Why me?”
“Well, it wasn’t Impulsoria,” replied Sharp. “She breathes perfumed smoke. That leaves you.”
“What does smoke have to do with it?” demanded Spike.
“You can smell it all over the hamster tubes and the googly-eyes,” was Sharp Ranger’s answer.
The crystal ponies shot funny looks at Spike as they departed. They didn’t appear angry, but Spike didn’t like the fact that they suspected him.
Shining Armour said he would mount an investigation, and ordered Sharp Ranger not to make any wild accusations.
“Have you been close to those tubes and eyes?” asked Sharp.
“Yes. I think the vandal used liquid smoke as glue,” Shining answered. “So don’t go spreading rumours, alright?”
“Yes, Captain,” Sharp Ranger saluted and set off.
Shining beckoned Spike and Nyx over to him. “I don’t want you to think I suspect you, but I have to consider all possibilities.”
Spike nodded.
“Nyx, did you see or hear Spike leave the guestroom at all last night?” asked Shining Armour.
“No, Captain,” replied Nyx.
“Uh, you can just call me Shining. Or Uncle Shining, if you like. Can I see your claws, Spike?”
There was no trace of spray paint on them, and they didn’t smell like hamsters in any way.
“Alright. Unless some new evidence comes up that incriminates you, I won’t bother you about this anymore,” said Shining. “But might I ask you and Nyx to help clean everything up?”
Author's Note
Inspired by the film "Exit Through the Gift Shop".
2 Oh Bold and Sneaky Spike the Droll and Artistic
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2 Oh Bold and Sneaky Spike the Droll and Artistic
Unfortunately, Sharp Ranger’s accusation had done its damage. As Spike and Nyx stood on the makeshift scaffolding washing the spray paint crab monster from the outside stadium walls, crystal ponies would call to him as they walked by congratulating him on the elaborate outdoor set up and giving them a good fright.
“That stupid Ranger made everypony think I’m a vandal,” groaned Spike.
“Not a vandal!” called an eavesdropping crystal pony. “A street artist!”
Spike didn’t look at the shouting pony and went about scrubbing the wall.
“At least nopony’s mad at you,” said Nyx.
“Yeah, but they still think I did this,” groaned Spike. “Look at all this. It would have taken me more than one night to set all this up.”
“So Nyx helped you!” called another eavesdropper.
Nyx tensed up.
“Wow. I know how you feel about being falsely accused now,” she moaned. “That’s the first time I’ve been berated for something I haven’t done.”
“I don’t think she was berating you,” replied Spike.
While the accusations weren’t angry ones and most of the crystal ponies appreciated the spectacle, it was still a little frustrating for Spike, who knew he was innocent.
It got worse when the clean-up crew started to take the piñatas down. One of them decided to have a little fun and use a club to break the piñatas. What came out of them pointed the blame right at Spike. Two crystal ponies confronted him about what they found.
“Wanna explain these?” they held out two diamonds and two emeralds.
“Uh… are you the craft service ponies?” asked Spike.
“These were in one of the piñatas,” said one of the cleaners.
“Only a dragon would think to fill a piñata with gems,” said the other.
“Somepony’s trying to frame me!” exclaimed Spike. “Why would anyone here try to frame me?! I thought you all liked me.”
“We do, oh Bold and Sneaky Spike, the Droll and Artistic,” said the cleaners.
“Droll and artistic?!” Spike spluttered. “Don’t call me that!”
Two more crystal ponies walked up.
“Hi, Spike! D’you want these back?”
They produced a hoofful of gemstones.
“Sure, I’ll… hey, they’re not mine!” snapped Spike.
Diamonds, rubies, and emeralds were found in every piñata that was taken down. No matter how tempting it was, Spike refused to accept them. He did not want to associate himself with any of these unannounced exhibitions. Many times a day, he would hear suggestions to drop the charade.
“You might as well own up. We all know it was you.”
“We’re not angry. You can confess.”
“The jig’s pretty much up, so you can take the credit.”
Spike denied everything every time and wouldn’t give in. This was starting to annoy the crystal ponies, especially when it came time to decide how to dispose of the piñatas, parachutes, and plastic tubes. No one knew what to do with the hamsters, and Spike was fuming every time someone asked him where he got them from in the first place. He got so angry at one point, he started setting the piñatas and parachutes on fire as a means of disposing on them.
“Hey, we coulda recycled the silk in those parachutes!” shouted a crystal pony. “Just because you set this up, doesn’t mean…”
Spike twitched and aimed his fire at the pony, who jumped back and let out an enraged yelp.
“What is it with crystal ponies?!” Spike was pacing in the throne room with Nyx, Shining Armour, and Cadance watching. “First they hate dragons when things go missing, then they love dragons after I find their relic, and now they hate dragons again!”
“They don’t hate dragons,” insisted Cadance.
“You didn’t hear them,” Spike groaned.
“Shining Armour told me what they think, and it’s clearly just a witch hunt,” said Cadance. “You want to know what I think?”
“What?”
“I think it might be Smokescreen.”
Nyx gasped. “You mean that royal guard who mutinied and is in hiding now?!”
“Please keep your voice down, Nyx,” coaxed Cadance.
“I can confirm that one of Smokescreen’s hobbies was arts and crafts,” said Shining Armour. “If it was him, it’d explain the smell coming from the piñatas and tubes.”
“Sounds like he’s teasing everypony,” said Nyx. “Coming into town as a puff of smoke and vandalising public property so close to members of the Royal Family.”
“It’s more likely than me being the culprit,” said Spike.
“I agree,” said Shining Armour. “Me and my soldiers will be on guard tonight in case the vandal strikes again. You two can head to bed. And thanks again for helping clean up.”
“I feel weird having a bed to myself while you’re down there in a basket,” frowned Nyx. “We’re practically the same size.”
“Well I won’t be sleeping down here tonight,” said Spike. “I’m gonna go see Cadance.”
“Why?”
“I remembered something from yesterday. Cadance said the last outdoor event she got to be at was an art exhibition,” said Spike, striding towards the door. “Maybe the culprit is one of the entrants from that show. Maybe that pony overheard and wanted to set up something Cadance could see from the castle windows.”
“You’re not leaving me here, are you?” Nyx groaned.
“You can come with me,” said Spike, placing his claws on the guestroom doorknob. “I really think Cadance and Shining Armour will want to know what I think.”
Nyx nodded and sprinted to the door before Spike opened it.
Spike swung the door open, hitting Flash Sentry and knocking him down. Spike glared as the disoriented guard picked himself up. Nyx hid behind the wary dragon.
“Whatcha doing there, Flash?” Spike inquired.
“I’m under orders from Captain Shining Armour to guard your door and report on your comings and goings,” answered Flash, standing to attention.
Spike glowered.
“You… you asked, and… I couldn’t lie,” Flash shuffled his hooves.
“Did the Captain say why he wanted someone to guard my door?” Spike asked through clenched teeth.
“It’s for security reasons,” said Flash. “In case more street art shows up.”
“Well,” said Spike with a false smile, “you can report to your captain that you saw me packing up and getting outta here.”
And the little dragon turned tail and began packing his bags. He left the door open so Flash could observe.
“Spike,” said Nyx, “are we really leaving?”
“Yep. I’ve had enough of this,” Spike’s teeth were still clenched. “If Shining Armour thought it was me, he shoulda just told me.”
“But Shining said he doesn’t…”
“Then how do you explain him keeping a guard posted outside my door?” growled Spike. “Come on, Nyx. We don’t need to be here anymore. The thunderstorm in Ponyville’s over. We’re going home.”
Nyx felt she’d somehow entered a storm regardless.
Flash accompanied Spike and Nyx, and also carried their luggage for them, as they made their way from their Crystal Castle guestroom to the train station. Unfortunately, there was a crystal guard patrolling the streets who spotted them.
“Huh! Good work, Sentry!” he called.
“Good work?” asked Flash.
“Caught him in the act! Oh, and Nyx was in on it, eh?!”
Now Nyx really wanted to leave. Flash just gave the crystal guard a stern look as he carried on to the station with the mortified Nyx and the livid Spike.
“If it’ll make you feel any better, I’m sure you’re innocent,” Flash said when they got to the platform.
This didn’t mean anything to Spike, as Shining Armour had told him that as well. Nothing more was said until the midnight local train arrived and took Spike and Nyx away.
“Oh, so Starlight hasn’t made any progress?” Spike’s eye twitched a little bit.
Twilight watched with bemusement as Spike stomped to his Ponyville Castle bedroom.
“Nyx, could you fill me in on this whole street art thing?” she asked.
“All of the crystal ponies think he did it,” Nyx frowned. “All the exhibits smelled like smoke, and there were diamonds and rubies in the piñatas.”
“Piñatas?”
Nyx told Twilight what the vandal had done, from the googly-eyed suits or armour to the spray paint crab thing.
“Spike said he hates the crystal ponies now,” said Nyx. “He says they’re fickle. And he’s mad at your brother too, for telling a guard to watch him during the night.”
Twilight looked towards Spike’s bedroom door and scratched her chin.
“Well, I better let him cool down for a bit. In the meantime, I’ll write to Shining Armour and let him know where Spike’s gone.”
When the news spread across the Crystal Empire that Spike wasn’t in town anymore, a lot of them thought he must be the vandal because no street art exhibitions had cropped up overnight. Shining Armour slapped his forehead when he got Twilight’s message that Spike was angry at him for placing a guard outside his room.
“I only did that so I could tell everyone in the morning that he never left his room,” he groaned. “Why didn’t you tell him that, Flash?”
“You never said that to me, Captain,” Flash responded.
“Listen, I want the real vandal found,” said Shining. “The sooner we find him, the sooner the crystal ponies learn the truth and Spike won’t have to be angry at us all anymore.”
“No need for that, Captain. We’ve got the culprit right here,” said Sharp Ranger, entering the room and ushering a crystal stallion into the room.
“This is him?” Shining demanded.
“Yes, sir. This is Desert Rose. He was the one who set up that display of gummy worms on fish hooks at that outdoor art show,” said Sharp Ranger.
Desert Rose nodded. “I have to confess I couldn’t wait for the next art show. I had so many ideas I wanted to try.”
“Why did you put gemstones in the piñatas?” asked Shining.
“Just to weigh them down,” replied Desert Rose. “I only filled the legs of the piñatas.”
“Where did the smoke smell come from?” asked Flash.
Shining felt pretty good that he was right when he guessed the vandal used liquid smoke as an adhesive.
“Well, it’s pretty useless for its intended purpose,” sighed Desert Rose. “I found that out the hard way.”
Everyone was wrong when they thought this was the end of the matter. Twilight gave Spike the message that Shining Armour, Cadance, the castle guards, and the crystal ponies knew he was innocent, but his feelings did not change.
“One day, I’m their idol,” he sulked. “The next, I’m their scapegoat. You think I’m gonna forgive them just like that? Get outta here.”
“I know you’re upset, Spike,” said Twilight, “but if you don’t forgive them, it’ll damage their morale and the Crystal Heart will falter. They do love you there.”
“Crystal Heart. Ha! It’ll get going again when the Air Sprinting starts,” grunted Spike. “They’ll forget all about me.”
“They couldn’t possibly forget about the one who brought the Crystal Heart to them in the first place,” insisted Twilight.
“Yeah, you’re probably right. They’ll remember me as the Bold and Sneaky Spike, the Droll and Artistic,” Spike said in a mocking voice. “If those crystal ponies love me so much, why did one of them frame me for vandalism? Huh?”
Twilight had no answer for Spike all day.
The following morning however, the answer showed up at the castle.
“Hey, Twily,” said Shining Armour. “We’d have just written back, but we thought Spike should hear us out face to face.”
Twilight wasn’t sure what to make of Desert Rose and Sharp Ranger being with Shining Armour.
“I don’t see how bringing the real culprit to him will get him to let go of his grudge,” she said.
“Yeah. Unless you brought him here so I can throw tomatoes at him.”
Spike stood in the doorway with his arms crossed and his face sullen.
“You caught the guy, so just give him a fine or community service or whatever and leave me out of it,” he grumbled.
“We didn’t catch him, Spike,” Sharp Ranger said as Spike started to turn his back. “He came forward. He turned himself in.”
Spike spun back around and looked curiously at Desert Rose.
“I never knew you were catching the blame. I was asleep all day. You can probably guess why,” Desert Rose grimaced. “But when I caught wind that you were mad at all us crystal ponies and threatened to never return to the Empire, I had to confess. I didn’t want you to hate us all. And I still don’t. You’re a hero to us. And I’m sorry I almost took that away from you.”
Spike softened. “You took me saying I’d never go to the Crystal Empire again as a threat?”
“Well, yeah.”
“So, Spike,” said Shining Armour, “would you come back to the Empire for a little while? Just to let the crystal ponies give you their personal apologies?”
“I’m sure they all would have come here, but you can’t exactly send an entire population away just for that,” Desert Rose said, a grin crossing his face for the first time.
Spike was well convinced. He wasn’t pleased to have to make a round trip, but he felt he owed it to the crystal ponies if they genuinely wanted to offer him their apologies. He also felt he owed them one.
“Maybe I was being stubborn,” he said while riding the train with Shining, Sharp, and Desert. “I shouldn’t have let this bad experience ruin the way I feel about the Crystal Empire altogether. I do like it there, even without all the fans.”
Desert Rose was elated. “It was definitely worth turning myself in to hear you say that.”
“There’s another bright side for you, Desert,” smirked Sharp Ranger. “Know that we know you set all that up, we can give you your hamsters back.”
Author's Note
The minimal amount of spoilers I've had the misfortune to stumble upon had a bit of an effect on this story.
