The Build Up and Breakdown
I finished off my drink before quietly setting the glass back on the counter. I glanced up at the television that hung from the wall over the wooden shelves that displayed practically every bottle of alcohol that Manehattan had to offer. The television had nothing interesting to offer, just a brief weather report before the next game of hoofball. The bartender made his way down to me, taking my glass and following my line of sight.
"More rain, huh? Damn.” His gaze returned to me. His broad muscular face slowly formed a friendly smile, complete with an empathetic glisten in his eyes. “What would you like me to get you, Ms. Lyra?”
I sighed as if exhaling all my depression and hatred. “Well, I can still see straight… Surprise me.” I watched as him as he gave me a solemn nod before walking away. Using his magic he grabbed a bottle of Crystal Cream off the wall and poured it into a mixer. He followed it up with some bright red cherry extract as well as two shots of Blueberry Bastion. He capped the mixer and shook it vigorously before pouring its contents into a tall thin glass before serving it to me. I gave him a questionable look.
The drink that stood before me was a beautiful luminous purple with an almost intoxicating aroma to it. “What is this? Just curious.” I asked staring at the drink in wonder. I’d never seen it served here, and this is the only bar I ever go to.
The bartender smiled. “That, my dear, is a project of mine. I haven’t a name for it just yet and actually you’re the first pony to ever see it. Go on, give it a taste, see if it helps perk you up.”
I moved closer to it and gave it a curious sniff. It smelt even better up close. Strong, yet inviting in a way. It almost smelled like a cherry pie. Levitating the glass off the counter and moving it towards my lips, I pause and look up at the bartender. “Thank you for this honor, Mr. Maxwell.”
“Please, call me Max.” I smiled and took the first drink. The liquor washed over my taste buds, setting them on fire with delight. It tasted like creamy blueberry cotton candy with a delicious cherry flavored aftertaste. I took another bigger drink of the concoction and sat it down gently. Max’s smile grew bigger with anticipation. “How was it?”
“It’s incredibly delectable! The Cherry extract gives it an intoxicating aroma and an amazing aftertaste. The Blueberry Bastion gives it a delicious flavor while the Crystal Cream gives it all a nice smooth texture.”
I took another drink. While it was still good, the novelty had started to wear off. It’s not that the drink wasn't praise-worthy because it obviously was. I sighed, setting the drink back on the bar and simply stared at it for what felt like an eternity. Images flashed through my mind. Images of the empty snow-covered streets, everything had a gray tint to it. Except for the streetlights that lit patches of snow on either side of the road. Under one of those lights stood a mare, a mare I loved. I remembered running towards her. Trying to catch up to her as she turned on her hooves and continued to walk away. No matter how much I ran and no matter how hot my legs got or how much my lungs burned, the cold sapped my strength and she escaped my sight… Fading into the flurries that filled the air.
“Lyra, you with me? Hello?” Snapping back to reality I saw the bartender standing before me with a concerned look.
“Yeah. I’m fine.” Not.
“You sure? You’ve been sitting there staring at that drink for a good little while, if something's buggin’ you, you can talk to me about it.” He responded in the softest way he could possibly manage with his husky voice.
“Yeah. I’m sure.”
“Alright then. I’ll leave you be, ma’am.” He turned and walked to the other end of the bar to attend to another customer that had just recently came in and taken a seat. I looked down and saw an elderly unicorn. She wore a dark red coat and her silver mane swooping to one side as if shaped by the wind. Max did his best to serve her generously and spoke with her happily. He always did have a soft heart for his stature. Such a teddybear.
I took another drink and as it caught in my throat I quickly swallowed it before bursting into a fit of coughs. My throat burned with the alcohol and my vision was narrowed by darkness as my head immediately began to feel light. I could hear Max shout out asking if I was alright and so I waved at him, hoping he wouldn’t bother coming over to me again. As I continued to cough he showed up in front of me and then everything went black.
I woke up, my head was on the bar. I rubbed my head and sat up. “What happened?”
“I think you passed out for a bit,” Max said quietly as he wiped off the bar in front of me. “You spilled your drink,” he explained.
“Damn. It was good too.” Of course, my nights just going to get worse. It’s practically unavoidable at this point. “Mind if I have another one? I’ll pay for both, it was my fault.”
“I don’t have a price tag on that drink yet. So I can’t charge you for it.” He smiled, “It’s on the house.”
I glanced down the bar and realized the elderly mare had disappeared, leaving me and Max alone in this bar once again. “Where’d that other unicorn go?”
“She left about twenty minutes ago. You’ve been out for about forty-five minutes.” He sighed and tossed his rag into the sink. “Are you sure you’re alright? You’ve been here for a very long time and you’ve drank a lot more than you normally do.”
“I’m fine. Unfortunately, I can still see straight and think.” I mumbled off that last bit, not wanting to spark any kind of curiosity.
“If you keep drinking the way you have been, I’m afraid you may not make it home. After all, that rain is probably freezing and that snow is sure to be slick by now. Look, I know when something is bothering you. I’ve known you long enough, Lyra. As a friend, let’s talk. One more beer and I have to start shutting the place down.”
I thought about it for a moment. “Fine, but let’s talk in that booth.”
“Isn’t that the booth you and your mare usually sit in?” He nodded catching the hint, “I think I understand.” Max turned around and poured two tall glasses of Hard Apple Cider before making his way to the bar and to the booth. I joined him and we took seats opposite of each other. “So what’s going on, Lyra?”
“Well. Bon Bon and I have been drifting apart for a few weeks now. At first, it wasn’t hard to notice the small things and brush them off, but as time went on, every little detail piled up and eventually it all crumbled down.” I paused to take a drink, I could already feel my emotions choking me. “What I mean is I started noticing little things that didn’t seem like much until all the dots were connected.”
“What kind of little things?” Max asked calmly, his eyes were filled with concern and shown with interest.
“When I first started noticing them, it was small things like how she would get out of bed, without even glancing my way or doing as she usually did which was giving me a soft kiss on the cheek or forehead or touching my mane. I wasn’t always asleep when she did that, but she did it almost every morning. I could feel her love for me when she did. How precious I was to her. But these small habits slowly faded. She and I used to speak about everything that happened around us. Before long everything became some things and eventually next to nothing. We spoke as if we were friends again as if the intimacy between us had faded from our lives. As if the fire that we kindled had been left to extinguish in the snowfall.” I paused once again to take a drink as my mouth went dry and tears burned my eyes. Max sat patiently waiting for me to continue. “As time went on, I noticed more small changes in her. She didn’t seem interested in sex. She didn’t seem like she had any feelings for me anymore. I craved her touch even more and as she slowly tore my heart apart, she didn’t speak to me about these changes and whenever I asked if she was alright, she simply answered that she was alright… and… and… I knew she wasn’t… or was it just me that wasn’t alright?” Tears streamed down my face and my heart felt like it was drowning in sorrow.
“So you feel as though you’re not good enough for her and that she lost interest in you. Do you feel rejected?” He asked calmly as I rubbed my eyes clear on the back of my hoof.
I slowly looked up to meet his eyes, a wave of hot anger surged through me but as I saw his eyes, it extinguished itself. His eyes were filled with sorrow and concern as if he knew exactly how I felt. My tears forced themselves out once again and I broke down, hiding my face against my front legs.
I cried, I whaled, I screamed until my throat was sore again. Finally once I had calmed down, I heard a glass lightly clap off the wooden table. I looked up to see him setting his drink back down. I sniffed and reached for my glass, taking it in my hooves and taking a good drink out of it I sat it back down. “I guess…”
“I guess what?” He asked quietly.
“I guess I do feel a bit rejected. We were friends for a very long time and we dated for a long time after that. It didn’t feel like it could ever end… Have you ever had someone you could trust with your life wake you up with waffles and apple juice on a regular basis?”
“I can’t say I have…” He said, glancing away towards the front door of the bar.
“Oh my Celestia, I’m sorry… That came out wrong…W-What I meant was-”
“It’s okay, Lyra. I know what you meant. Please, continue.” He said as he took another drink from his beer. It was nearly half empty by now.
“Well. We had a pretty active sex life. I loved it. I thought she liked it, but there towards the end… Everything seemed lackluster as if she didn’t want it as much as I did. It made me self-conscious. I didn’t know what I was doing wrong. I still don’t know what I did wrong. We stopped having sex altogether about a month after she started acting weird. Eventually, our physical contact dwindled down to a small tap on the shoulder here or hug there. We stopped kissing and eventually all physical contact ceased from our relationship. We hardly talked and then…” Taking a big drink to sooth my sore throat.
“And then?” He asked curiously.
“I came home from work early one night and found everything she had packed up and ready to move out. It shocked me so bad that I made the mistake of yelling at her while trying to ask why she was doing this. I was hysterical… I didn’t mean to be, but all those little things added up and then everything crumbled to the ground. She told me she didn’t love me anymore and that she was moving on with her life… I know I’m not perfect. I know I drink too much. I know I’m in debt and I know I work a bottom-feeders job. I’m not super successful like Octavia or Vinyl Scratch, but I still practice my music and I know I’ll get somewhere some day… but I guess she lost her patience with me… I guess I’m just not good enough for her… I guess-” I’m worthless...
“Let me stop you there.” I stopped and looked at him. He slowly took a drink of his beer and gave me a soft, sympathetic smile. “Lyra. you are not worthless. You may not have been good enough for her, but there is somepony out there you are good enough for. There are good ponies who are like you and will like you and will love you, just the same as she once had. You can’t get hung up on this mare. You shouldn’t worry so much about the past you shared with her, and you shouldn’t let yourself beat yourself down. You are a beautiful young mare who still has a bright future ahead of her. Just because you have flaws doesn’t mean she doesn’t either. Sometimes ponies change and sometimes that includes their thoughts, emotions, and actions. Everything changes with the seasons and all you can do is follow your heart, so don’t let the past freeze your heart… Do you understand me?” He punctuated his speech with a soft but stern tone before taking a drink. “I don’t know much about relationships, but I’ve worked at this bar for nearly two years now and I see all kinds of ponies, I hear all kinds of stories.”
Feeling his speech sink into my heart, I give him a weak smile before taking a drink. “You know, you’re right. I shouldn’t let Bon Bon ruin me. I shouldn’t let her control me like this!” I took a bigger drink, almost draining my glass.
Max laughed a little at my boast. “You know. It isn’t Bon Bon’s fault. Sure she should have talked to you, but do you think she didn’t talk to you about it because she didn’t want to hurt your feelings? She was probably feeling guilty about the way she’s been acting and just wasn’t able to bring it up to you. Every pony has their faults. Some are just soft spoken and unable to face confrontation.”
I relaxed into my seat, sliding down a bit. “I guess, she never did like conflict. Maybe she was just trying to protect me… Eh. Either way, it’s in the past now.”
“Can you still see straight?” He asked laughing as I missed my grab at my beer. “Perhaps you should stay the night at my place tonight. I don’t think it’s a smart idea to let you go anywhere in this weather and besides, do you really want to go home after everything that’s happened?”
“Can’t say I do, so I accept your offer, and raise you ONE MOVIE!” I could feel the alcohol surging through me now that I’ve had my emotional breakdown and now that I don’t have those thoughts replaying in my mind.
“Good. I have quite the collection. You can choose.” He finished off his beer and stood up. “Finish it off, so I can get this place cleaned up and closed down. It’s getting late.”
I nodded and finished off my beer. I watched as he took both the empty glasses behind the counter and rinsed them real quick. Afterward, he grabbed a broom and dustpan and hastily began sweeping the floor. I laughed as I watched him push the dirt and hair around, unable to make a proper pile. “Quit rushing so much. Sweeping can’t be rushed! You’ll just push the stuff all over the place.”
He looked over at me and blushed a little before slowing his pace and managing to sweep the entire bar in under fifteen minutes. Once he was done he emptied the cash register drawer into the safe and shuffled some papers. “Eh, I’ll finish this stuff tomorrow afternoon when it’s slow. Come on, let’s go.” He said as he grabbed a key and started walking towards the door.
I stood and levitated my scarf to me, wrapping it around my neck I followed him to the door. He held it open for me and I smiled as I passed by him. Reminds me of when I met Bon Bon…
He closed the door behind us and locked it quickly. “This way, my apartment isn’t far.” He shivered as the wind blew by, carrying with it some light snowfall. “It’s actually pretty nice out, now that the rains stopped.”
I nodded, not really able to feel the cold through my numbed nerves. I looked over just as he shivered again. I smiled and unwrapped my scarf, “Here. I insist.” I said as I offered it to him.
He was hesitant at first but as the wind blew again, he smiled and took it in his magic and wrapped it snuggly around his neck. “Like this?”
I stopped and stared at him. “Wow. You’re a lot more hopeless than you sounded back there.” He blushed as I laughed. “Here,” I said as I used my magic to undo the scarf. I wrapped it around his neck properly. Hmm… Bon Bon’s scarf looks good on him… "maybe."
"Maybe?" He questioned as I started walking, leaving him to catch up. When he did he asked again, "Maybe what?"
"Nothing. Just maybe." I smiled as we continued walking. Enjoying the silence accompanied by the light crack of thin ice and the crunch of snow underhoof.
