Star Ponez

by Blondlionblaster

Rating: teen
Tags: Human, Other, Drama, Changelings, Comedy, Queen Chrysalis, Random, Adventure, Princess Celestia, Sex, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 4221

A lonely teen finds and falls in love with a girl named Celestia, who has no past memories.

A orphaned teen named Lucas doesn't have any friends. While Lucas does collect toys, comics, and movies, he's very lonely. However, his luck changes when he meets a mysterious girl named Celestia. She can't remember a thing, and other parties are seeking her for some reason.

Published 2016-03-17 05:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2016-03-18 02:46:10 UTC

Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Lucas walked through the halls of his school, quietly removing his materials from his locker. This was the start of summer vacation, but he didn’t feel happy. Maybe it was the rain and cold weather happening in the summer. Even though everyone else felt happy, he seemed to be in a slump. He watched as the jocks sneakily did the nasty in the closets with the cheerleaders. Trying to ignore the sounds of moaning teenagers, Lucas turned on his iPod, plugging in his earbuds, and listened to I’m Not in Love by 10cc.

“Well, it looks like I get to go home now.” Lucas sighed as he looked down. He had black hair, blue eyes, and one heck of a birthmark on his back. Some said that it looked like a star, but Lucas declared that it was more like a T-65 X-Wing Starfighter.

Exiting the doors, Lucas was swarmed from behind by a wave of stupid, sugar-highed teenagers. Each one of them headed for different destinations, for some it was the football field and others the local weed dealer. However, Lucas had a different place to hang out.

Walking downtown, Lucas saw the local comics shop, Dave’s Comics and Trading Cards. Lucas smiled a bit as he entered the store, attracting the attention of the store’s owner, Dave. Dave was a somewhat tall man, but he was a bit heavy and had what the internet called a “neckbeard”. This was because he had a small beard growing on his double-chin He would also wear a fedora, even if he was inside of a building.

“Oh, hello! I’ve got the comics you ordered.” Dave informed Lucas as he pulled out a stack of rare Marvel Star Wars comics. The issues were #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, and #6, which was a comic version of the original Star Wars movie. And no, it wasn’t or ever will be called A New Hope. That was only added when the horrid “Special Editions” came into existence.

“Thanks, I’ve been meaning to buy these for a while now.” Lucas said as he paid his money and showed his savings card, known as the “Gentlemen Card”. It featured Dave smiled and tipping his fedora on the center of the card.

“These are all in mint condition, right?” Lucas asked Dave, who nodded as he adjusted his fedora.

“Alright, have a nice day.” Dave said goodbye to his customer, who left with his new comics. Lucas inspected his comics, seeing they were all in mint condition, which made him crack a small smile. After all, Dave was a gentleman.Though he never understood why he couldn’t get a single date if he was a gentleman

As Lucas was walking home, he saw something interesting in the alley of a large building. There was a girl, who appeared to be the same age as Lucas, being harassed by two girls named Joan and Kim. Those two girls were known for causing trouble for people who they didn’t consider “oppressed”, like normal people.

“Hey, you should ditch the rainbow hair, cuz it makes you look like a girl, you shouldn’t be anything but aesexual!” Joan taunted the girl, pulling her hair. The girl's hair was in fact colored like a rainbow, as it almost gave off a royal glow. She also wore a black beanie and had a piercing on her lower lip. She also had somewhat pale skin, but not too pale.

“Yeah, and you need to have smaller breasts cuz having big breasts means that you’re a stereotype of the patriarchal media!” Kim added as she punched the girl, making her bleed a bit. The girl who they were beating on did have a quite a big chest, with C’s or D’s by anyone’s guess.

“Leave me alone!” The girl attempted to defend herself but was taken down by Joan, who put her foot on her face.

“Also, you can’t shave your body hair or wear makeup cuz that’s what the patriarch white men want you to do!” Joan sneered as she pushed the girl to the ground. The girl began to cry as Kim and Joan at her despair.

“Hey! Leave that girl alone! She doesn’t need your SJW agenda!” Lucas declared as he put his comics in his backpack, putting himself in a lightsaber fighting stance. Lucas preferred to use Form IV, also known as Ataru.

“Don’t oppress us, you cisgender scum! You need to check your white privilege!” Joan barked at Lucas.

“Yeah, we’ll write an article complaining about how you didn’t do anything to us that’s offensive but we’ll get offended either way!” Kim added.

Simply smiling, Lucas unzipped his jacket, revealing a t-shirt of Leia in her Return of the Jedi slave bra! Joan and Kim gasped in horror as they hissed, running off to places unknown. To them, that was the ultimate symbol of the patriarchy. Seeing the girl was still there, Lucas held his hand out to her, which he used to help the girl up.

“Thanks for saving me from those lunatics.” The girl thanked Lucas, giving him a nice, tight hug. Lucas blushed, as her touch almost felt like that of a princess of the sun.

“What’s your name?” Lucas asked the girl as the two began to pick up her things.

“My name is Celestia, but you can just call me Celeste.” Celestia introduced herself, giving a warm, radiant smile. Her body did look quite nice, almost like it could raise the sun.

“Well, my name is Lucas.” Lucas introduced himself to Celeste, who had finished up picking her things off the ground.

“Lucas, do you want to hang out sometime? Maybe later today?” Celeste offered Lucas, who blushed a bit.

“Sounds good to me.” Lucas responded as Celeste smiled, giving him a kiss on the cheek. Lucas had never been kissed by a girl before, making him blush even more. It felt more romantic than when Han Solo kissed Leia Organa on the Millennium Falcon.

That night, all things seemed quiet. But in the other side of town, in the center of a park, a pink portal opened up, with six humans came out of the other side. Checking around the area, a girl with yellow and pink gave a sign to show that no one else was around.

“Hooray! We’ve reached the human world! But this isn't Equestria Girls!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed as she bounced around the park. Pinkie Pie had pink hair, and strange decorations all over her clothes.

“Pinkie, we must be quiet. We can’t draw too much attention to ourselves!” Rainbow Dash explained to Pinkie Pie, who zipped her mouth shut. Rainbow Dash had a rainbow hair, along with light blue workout clothes. These were the kind that were tight and made all parts of your body look good.

“Ew! I think I stepped in some mud!” Rarity shrieked as she noticed that she was now foot-high in mud. Rarity had purple hair, along with heavily luxurious and hand-made clothing. They looked even more expensive than the clothes that Bjork wore daily.

“All you ever do is complain and whine, Rarity! Like that time had to stop that dragon from filling Equestria with smoke!” Applejack reminded Rarity. Applejack had yellow hair, and she had a country styled hat and boots. This made her look like the lovechild of Martha Stewart and Toby Keith.

“This isn’t whining, this is-”

“We don’t need to know what your whining is like!” Twilight Sparkle shouted in frustration. She had purple hair, along with big glasses.

"Looks like we're not in Equestria anymore." Applejack stated as she looked around.

“Wait, shouldn’t the portal closed now?” Fluttershy timidly asked the group as she pointed to the still open portal.

As Twilight Sparkle moved to close the portal, a mysterious woman jumped out and tackled Twilight Sparkle! This woman had green and black hair, and wore a dress that made her look like she had an insect fetish.

“Chrysalis! How did you get here? We defeated you at Shining Armor and Princess Cadance's wedding” Twilight Sparkle exclaimed as she tried to roll Queen Chrysalis off of herself. She did seem a bit weaker, as the blast from the married couple shot her off to nowhere.

“I’ve come to conquer the world my new master!” Queen Chrysalis snorted as she pressed Twilight Sparkle’s face in the mud. Twilight Sparkle struggled as Queen Chrysalis sat on her back, pretending to ride her like a horse, making horse noises and smacking her sides.

The other girls ran over to the fight and tried to aid Twilight Sparkle, being pushed into the mud. Applejack rolled through the mud and rolled into Queen Chrysalis, whom she grabbed by the hair and smothered her face in the mud. However, Rarity refused to get involved as she tried to clean the mud and grass out of her dress.

“Check it out! I’m watchin’ free mud wrestlin’!” A man who was missing some teeth cheered as he pulled out his phone and began to record the scene. It wasn’t every day when some cute girls began to mud wrestle in the park. At least, that’s what the man thought.

“Oh! Get off of me!” Twilight Sparkle moaned as Queen Chrysalis sat on her face to shut her up.

"This is revenge for becoming an Alicorn!" Queen Chrysalis declared as she began to spank Twilight Sparkle.

“Look! A man is recording our mud fight!” Pinkie Pie jumped with joy as the man ran off, causing Queen Chrysalis to throw Twilight Sparkle into a pond and retreat into the shadows. She was known for this, as after her defeat she wasn't heard from again.

“We should also get out of here.” Rainbow Dash insisted as the six girls fled the scene. They weren't quite used to walking on two feet, as they had been running on all fours for their whole lives.

After a few minutes of running, the stomachs of all six girls began to rumble. This could only mean one thing. The hunger pains were about to strike. But this wasn't like Equestria where you just munch on some grass, you actually had to go to a store and buy real food.

“Where should we eat?” Twilight Sparkle asked the group.

"There probably isn't any hayburgers near here," Rarity whined, "I need to keep the wight off my precious body."

“I’d like something close to where we are.” Applejack sighed heavily as she wiped the remaining mud off her face.

“Look! There’s a place called Ikea ahead of us!” Rainbow Dash pointed at the store, which looked huge! Even at night and in the rain, it still looked like a castle of some kind.

“Alright, let’s all get something nice.” Rarity smiled as the six ran into the store.

Looking through the food, Pinkie Pie grabbed six pieces of cake while Rarity grabbed a single piece of lettuce. Fluttershy got a strange burger made from appeared to be corn and grass, the veggie burger. Applejack rolled her eyes as she spotted something she had never quite seen before. They were round, ball-like in shape, and they smelled amazing.

“Just what are these little morsels?” Applejack asked Twilight Sparkle, who looked at them.

“These are meatballs, and they smell delicious!” Twilight Sparkle declared as she, Applejack and Rainbow Dash got the Ikea Swedish Meatballs. When all six got their food, they chose a table and began to eat.

“Do any of you have ideas where the missing princess could be?” Fluttershy nervously asked the group.

“I’d imagine that she’d be hangin’ around royal and elegant places, like spas or even expensive shops.” Applejack suggested.

“Or maybe she might be hanging around a lonely teenage dude who likes the franchise Star Wars and other nerdy things a lot.” Pinkie Pie added with a smile. Pinkie Pie was known for bouts of randomness, like when she cloned herself and when she ran around Ponyville with instruments to stop the Parasprites.

“That’s too ridiculous dear, that could never happen.” Rarity chuckled as Pinkie Pie laughed as well.

“Anyways, we should buy some of those frozen Swedish Meatballs.” Twilight Sparkle said as she pulled out what money she had. She paid for them and the six left, now carrying two bags of Ikea Swedish Meatballs.

“We need to find a hotel or some other place to sleep, because we have to find Princess Celestia soon.” Rainbow Dash told the group as they walked down the road.

Deep in the woods near the town, Queen Chrysalis approached a group of girls who looked similar to herself. However, they all had soulless blue eyes and all black clothes.

“Master, I haven’t found any traces of Celestia in this world.” Queen Chrysalis reported to her master.

“Anything is possible, Chrysalis, listen to me.” Her master insisted to Queen Chrysalis.

“But I’m not all-powerful! I can’t find her right now!” Queen Chrysalis responded in an aggressive tone.

“Well, I should be!” Her master whined as he revealed himself to be Hayden Christensen, one of the evils who helped to ruin Star Wars!

(To Be Continued)

Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The next morning, Lucas awoke from his bed, yawning and stretching as he looked out the window. It was still raining, which didn’t surprise him. Lucas changed clothes as he played Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen and walked downstairs. He had finished up his morning stretching when he heard the doorbell ring. He looked outside saw Celeste waiting for him outside.

“Oh hey, you can come in if you want.” Lucas offered Celeste, who happily walked inside of his house.

“Thanks, I bought some donuts for breakfast.” Celeste smiled as she brought out a bag with two donuts. One donut was a maple donut and the other was a jelly-filled donut.

“Jelly filled? How did you know those are my favorite?” Lucas playfully asked Celeste, who simply smiled in return.

The inside of Lucas’s house looked like something out of Skywalker Ranch. There were glass containers that were filled with various Star Wars action figures. One case was full of various starfighters, ranging from T-65 X-Wings to BTL-A4-Y-Wings to a Clone Wars Alpha-3 Nimbus-class V-Wing Starfighter. Another glass container had action figures from the ‘77 toy line, including the highly contested Early Bird Pack and the exclusive Boba Fett figure, which was only available as a mail order-exclusive.

“Where did you get all of these?” Celeste inquired Lucas, staring at them. To her, they looked like little people who couldn’t move and were stuck in strange positions.

“I buy these in large sets from eBay,” Lucas told Celeste, “And I also buy a bunch of them off of garage sales and estate sales, and there’s also Dave’s Comics that I go to a lot.”

“That’s so cool! How many of these action figures do you have?” Celeste asked Lucas as he pulled one of his toys, a golden Darth Vader, and began to polish it. Celeste had never seen anyone polish a toy before, even placing them in glass cases to be adored.

“I actually lost count a while ago, but I know I have every single Marvel Star Wars comic.” Lucas chuckled as he finished cleaning his golden Darth Vader.

“I don’t mean to pry, but why don’t you have any parents?” Celeste nervously asked Lucas.

“Actually, I never knew my parents, they left me when I was very young,” Lucas answered as he wiped the dust off and faked a smile, “I’m sort of like Rey, from The Force Awakens”

“Rey? I don’t get the reference.” Celeste responded with confusion.

“Have you seen The Force Awakens yet?” Lucas questioned Celeste, who looked down.

“I don’t have any money, and I don’t have a home,” Celeste sighed as she pulled out a small crown, “All I remember is waking up and finding this next to me.”

“So we’re both like Rey in our own way.” Lucas told Celeste as he put his arm around her shoulder, comforting her a bit.

Touring her around his house, Lucas showed off his handbuilt T-65 X-Wing model, which hung above his bed. He then showed off his collection of comics, which was a bunch of comics stacked and organized by box.

“Now, this is what I like to call the building room, or as non-fans and non-nerds call it, the garage” Lucas introduced Celeste to hs building room. One side of the wall was lightsabers of any kind. In the center was an authentic copy of Luke’s lightsaber from Return of the Jedi. However, the one thing that stuck out was an object under a tarp, which was the size of a small human.

“What’s under here?” Celeste asked as she removed the tarp, revealing a life-size model of R2-D2, which sprung to life, beeping happily.

“This is R2-D2, I built him, so he’s kind of like my pet, but I wasn’t able to build a C3-PO because that would be too stupid.” Lucas introduced Celeste to R2-D2, chuckling a little bit.

“He’s so cute!” Celeste gasped as she hugged R2-D2, who chirped happily in response.

“Thanks, I think he likes you too.” Lucas smiled as R2-D2 rolled around the building room.

“I’m kind of bored, do you want to go downtown?” Celeste offered as she looked at the lightsabers.

“Sure, I need to do some shopping for some new things.” Lucas agreed as the two walked out, with R2-D2 following after the two.

In downtown, the Mane Six had begun their search for Princess Celestia, checking every nook and cranny. Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie Pie searched the library, while Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy the checked greenbelt. However, Applejack and Rarity had been searching the local spa.

“You’d think that Celestia would go to some more refined places.” Rarity groaned as she had her hair massaged.

“Maybe she’s hidin’ in plain sight or somethin’.” Applejack added as she drank some water.

“No way! Do you really think Celestia would hang out with some of these horrid ruffians?” Rarity scoffed in disgust.

“Maybe she’s tryin’ to hide from Chrysalis, like layin’ low or somethin’” Applejack suggested to Rarity.

Back at the library, Twilight Sparkle was searching every corner while Pinkie Pie was looking through the computers. She had just discovered YouTube, and was looking through prank channels.

“This Sam Pepper guy is a noob, I can pull better pranks than that!” Pinkie Pie grunted as she kept scrolling through the videos.

“Perhaps there is a book on where I can find Celestia.” Twilight Sparkle thought as she pulled out a book called Money, Pizza, Respect. This book could give her some thoughts about humans.

“Look! I found your mud wrestling video on YouTube!” Pinkie Pie squealed as she pulled up the video of Twilight Sparkle and Queen Chrysalis mud wrestling. That guy who watched the fight must have recorded it, as it had ten-thousand views and six hundred likes.

“Pinkie Pie! We can’t be fooling around like this.” Twilight Sparkle scolded Pinkie Pie, who shrugged.

“Okay, I’ve heard about this event called Comic Con happening here, and this definitely isn’t an ad for Comic Con!” Pinkie Pie giggled. Comic Con was coming to the town, and maybe they could find her there.

However, right outside of the library, Lucas and Celeste walked through downtown with R2-D2 following behind. Lucas showed her around, pointing out the library. As explained things to her, Celeste held his hand, making her feel happy.

“So, would you like something for lunch?” Lucas asked Celeste, who nodded.

“I’ve always wanted to try an establishment called Subway.” Celeste answered, pointing to the yellow sign. Subway was known for making sandwiches and the mascot who will not be named here.

“Sounds good to me, what about you Artoo?” Lucas turned to ask R2-D2, who chirped along.

“I’m just wondering, how do you understand him?” Celeste inquired Lucas curiously.

“Well, I built him and then I learned binary, the language of Astromech and various other droids,” Lucas explained to Celeste, “That’s why characters in Star Wars can understand what droids say.”

“That’s so cool!” Celeste grinned as they continued to walk on their way to Subway.

However, as Subway seemed in reach, a mysterious figure stepped in front of them, blocking their path. The man took off his hood, revealing himself to be Hayden Christensen!

“Who are you?” Celeste asked Hayden Christensen, who gave his typical pouty look.

“I see through the lies of the Jedi. I do not fear the dark side as you do. I have brought peace, justice, freedom, and security to my new Empire.” Hayden Christensen snarled in response.

“Dude, just tell her your name, you don’t have to be a jerk about it.” Lucas glared at Hayden Christensen.

“I killed them. I killed them all. They're dead, every single one of them. And not just the men, but the women and the children, too. They're like animals, and I slaughtered them like animals. I hate them!” Hayden Christensen declared as he ran off.

“Who was that guy?” Celeste asked Lucas, who shrugged as they entered Subway.

“Hey, no pets in here!” The cashier told Celeste and Lucas, pointing at R2-D2.

“Artoo is a droid, he’s not my pet.” Lucas countered.

“Yeah, nice try bud.” The cashier groaned as Celeste approached him.

“You will allow Artoo to be in this Subway.” Celeste told the cashier as her hands gained a rainbow-colored aura.

“I will allow this droid to be served in this Subway.” The cashier repeated as Lucas stared, dumbfounded by this.

“Celeste, I didn’t know you were a Jedi!” Lucas exclaimed as Celeste smiled a bit.

“I’ve just always been able to use these powers, y’know?” Celeste chuckled as she and Lucas ordered their subs.

Back at the library, Twilight Sparkle had a strange feeling. It almost felt like a cold wind had brushed through her hair. Looking up, Twilight Sparkle pulled Pinkie Pie off the computer and pulled out her phone.

“I can feel Celestia’s presence! She’s near the edge of downtown, which is closest to Applejack and Rarity.” Twilight Sparkle informed her friends, who all began to make their way downtown.

Walking into the Subway, Applejack and Rarity looked around the restaurant. Things seemed strange, a mix of green and yellow gave it a very healthy feeling, like they could lose a bunch of weight.

“Say, that girl over there seems mighty suspicious.” Applejack whispered to Rarity.

“You’re just paranoid, Applejack.” Rarity responded as she walked up to order a sandwich, bumping into R2-D2.

“Oh! Sorry about that, Artoo didn’t really have a place to sit.” Lucas apologized to Rarity.

“It’s no big deal, besides, that robot is really cute! He’s so much cuter than that purple dragon.” Rarity gushed as she pet R2-D2, making him chirp happily.

“Well, we’ve got to go,” Lucas excused himself and Celeste, “Let’s go home, Artoo”

Artoo beeped along as he deployed his third leg and walked away with Lucas and Celeste. Applejack took a good look at Celeste and frowned a bit.

“Doesn’t look like her, she’d look majestic if she was a darn human.” Applejack sighed as Rarity grinned.

“Little does that boy know that I strapped a tracking device onto that cute little robot of his.” Rarity laughed, making her look like a supervillain.

“Good, then we’ll be able to see if that girl is in fact Celestia.” Applejack added as the rest of the Mane Six arrived.

Opening the doors to Dave’s Comics, Celeste looked around in marvel at the comics and cards. She’d never seen this many comics in one place, as the store had more comics than Lucas had in his private collection.

“Oh, hello Lucas,” Dave waved to Lucas, “Who is this girl you have with you?”

“This is Celeste, she’s a friend of mine.” Lucas introduced Celeste to Dave.

“Oh? Well welcome to Dave’s Comics.” Dave smiled as Celeste began to read some comics.

“Well, I’m here to pick my new model kit of the TIE Advanced and the K-Wing Starfighter.” Lucas told Dave, who pulled out two boxes as Lucas paid for them. Both of them cost seventy dollars, a price that was fairly cheap. The Gentleman’s Card was quite useful at that.

“Alright, have a good day!” Dave waved goodbye as Lucas, Celeste, and R2-D2 left the building.

“These model kits are so cool! May I build one with you?” Celeste asked Lucas.

“Of course! I’d love to show you how to build one of these,” Lucas answered, “Which one would you like?”

“How about the TIE Interceptor.” Celeste chose as Lucas smiled.

“That has to be my favorite TIE variant, next to the TIE Hunter and the TIE Defender, they’re both so cool!” Lucas sighed happily as they walked home, with R2-D2 looking at a bush. However, he turned his attention away from it and followed after Celeste and Lucas.

In the bush, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash watched as Celeste and Lucas turned a corner, disappearing from their sights. Fluttershy sighed as she noticed a bum sleeping next to them in the bush.

“Wait, how is this guy a bum if he owns an iPad, a bike, two toasters, and three smartphones?” Rainbow Dash asked as the bum shrugged.

(To Be Continued)