SciTwi Asks Sunset Shimmer About Pony Biology
“SUNSET! Tell me, is it true?”
Sunset Shimmer looked up, still chewing a mouthful of egg-and-cucumber sandwich. In front of her, a panting and disheveled Twilight Sparkle stood, dressed in a messy lab coat. In her left hand was a clipboard that looked like there was once a stack of papers attached to it but were since been lost in the frantic run.
“Look, there’s no way I’d ever let a creepy kid like Snips get to first base, let alone second, okay? Second-year middle-schoolers make up that sort of stuff all the time. I think the Neighponese even have a word for-”
“Ugh, no! I mean, is it true that you’re a-” Twilight lowered her voice quickly, knowing how crazy what she was about to ask would sound. She looked away, wincing and nervously tapping her index fingers together before squeaking, “-magical unicorn pony?”
“Oh.”
Sunset wasn’t exactly sure how to answer that one. While her best friends were of course well aware of what she was, having been told by the pony version of Twilight Sparkle, most of Canterlot High was still somewhat unaware of the specifics behind all the magical mishaps that constantly occurred. And despite having discussed some of the truths behind them with the human world’s Twilight Sparkle, Sunset had managed to leave out a few important details – such as her former species.
“Uh… who put that idea into your head, exactly?”
Twilight gave her a slightly sheepish look. “Rainbow Dash. She said my alternate-universe counterpart was a” - she groaned a little - “magic unicorn pony too. Is this one of her pranks? She swore it wasn’t.”
Sunset sighed at Rainbow’s lack of discretion. The jock probably let it out while boasting about ponying up, but Sunset couldn’t really blame her. Twilight was quickly becoming one of their closest friends, and it was only a matter of time before they had to explain everything to her in full. But Sunset had tried to avoid too much in the way of revelations, finding the girl’s relentless curiosity to be rather exhausting. And there was so much Twilight wanted to know about that Sunset had been, for the sake of her own sanity, deliberately answering evasively so as not to stir up even more questions.
Sunset looked around. While the cafeteria was somewhat empty right after the school’s final bell, there were still enough people around that it wasn’t quite a good idea to openly discuss the matter right there. She stood up and gestured towards the exit.
“Okay, look. Let’s go to your lab. We can talk about this there.”
Twilight perked up excitedly. “Omigosh you are, aren’t you?” she said, grinning toothily.
Sunset didn’t answer. They made their way to the school’s science laboratories, stopping at a door to what had once been a large janitorial closet. Apparently, Dean Cadance had been very fond of Twilight during her studies at Crystal Prep, and had assigned her a small room very similar to this one as a personal laboratory. When Twilight transferred to Canterlot High, Cadance had asked Vice-Principal Luna to make the same provision for her there.
Because it was smaller than her old lab, Twilight had packed it practically wall-to-wall with her electronic surveying machines, file cabinets, and chemical vials. There was a little room to walk around in, but only one chair. Sunset sat on the wood-and-plastic desk, making sure to avoid bumping into the black laptop lying on it. Twilight followed in behind her, taking the chair. She looked up at her friend with an expectant grin.
Sunset strummed her fingers on both hands against the desk as she thought for a bit, wondering how much she should reveal. “Riiiiight. Okay, yes, when we told you that the other Twilight was from another dimension, we might have neglected to mention that I came from there too, and that both of us, along with most of the “people” from that dimension, are… ponies.”
Twilight’s excitement looked like it was actually threatening to burst out of her system. “EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! OMIGOSH omigosh omigosh there are so many things I want to know! Is that why you can use magic? Like that portal she came out of? Oh, you could advance my research by years, maybe decades with what you know! Could you-”
“Wait, wait. Hang on for a sec. You can’t publish all this. If word gets out about what I am, I’m probably going to end up locked up in some secret government lab somewhere. And who knows what kind of awful stuff they’d do if the military got hold of magic. It could only end in disaster. There’s a reason we haven’t explained anything to the rest of the school – they only know there’s weird magic involved and sometimes we grow pony ears and wings.”
Twilight looked a little disappointed, but her enthusiasm returned very quickly. “It doesn’t matter even if I can’t tell anyone about it. I just want to know everything! I mean, I saw ponies through the dimensional breaches during the Friendship Games, but I didn’t know they were sapient! I know you want to keep it secret, but I’ve spent years trying to understand all this strange energy and now I’m so close I just HAVE to know! Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease?”
Sunset looked down into Twilight’s pleading tear-filled puppy dog eyes, wondering if the nerdy girl had learned how to wield that expression from Rarity or had somehow managed to inadvertently stumble onto the perfect technique for weaponized begging. She felt her resistance eroding very quickly.
Sunset sighed. “Okay, okay. I’ll try to tell you what I know. But I’m only doing this because you’re my friend, and I’m trusting you not to tell anyone else, okay?”
The response only made Twilight squee even harder. She nodded her head furiously, grinning like a maniac. It looked just a little creepy.
Sunset edged away slightly. “So uh… what exactly did you want to know about first?”
“MAGIC! You’ve explained it to me before, but not how it relates to your species. It’s not like there’s any prior research I could look up either, so you are literally the only source I can learn anything from! And I still haven’t a clue about what really happened during the Friendship Games!”
“Okaaay…” Sunset considered how to begin. “Well, for starters, the country I came from, Equestria, is the one populated mostly by ponies. Our species is divided into three tribes, or races if you prefer – Earth ponies, Pegasi, and Unicorns. And each tribe has its own type of magic.
“Earth ponies have a special bond with the land, so they are very good at growing crops and taking care of animals. Pegasi have wings, and their tribal magic lets them fly despite not being scientifically aerodynamic enough to do so. They can also control just about any meteorological phenomenon just by pushing it with their hooves or wings.”
“But I think the tribe you’ll be most interested in is Unicorns-” continued Sunset, “that’s the tribe both your Equestrian counterpart and I were born into. We have a horn in the middle of our foreheads which lets us cast spells, and so we’re the only tribe that has formalized training for our magic.”
Twilight seemed to have mellowed down after the explanations. She tapped a finger against her chin, thinking hard. “So both of you used your horn-magic to turn into humans?”
“Err… no. Neither of us are entirely sure how we transformed when we came here,” admitted Sunset. “But we think it’s either a spell cast by the mirror or some kind of inherent property of trans-dimensional travel. The only thing we’re sure of is that it’s not our own magic that’s doing it.”
“I see…” Twilight thought for a bit longer, and then clapped her hands together excitedly. “We should check if there are any biological difference between you and other humans! I don’t suppose you might be game for a full-body scan and examination?” She punctuated her sentence by grabbing a box of disposable surgical gloves and snapping one on, her grin returning instantly.
Sunset stared at the nerdy girl’s gloved fingers, very quickly imagining all the terrifying possibilities they implied.
“I don’t think I’d be comfortable with that,” she said hurriedly. “But you’re in luck. When I first came here years ago, I was curious about the exact same thing, so I’ve checked myself thoroughly. Physiologically… I’m pretty much as human as can be.”
“Oh,” said Twilight disappointedly. She seemed to have been very enthusiastic about the idea of performing a physical examination. “Well, have you noticed any similar traits between your pony and human bodies?”
Sunset considered the question. “Ponies in Equestria actually have a lot more in common with humans than we do with the ponies of this world – we’re completely civilized, have larger and more functional brains than human-world ponies, and we even have similar lifespans. In fact, Equestrian ponies are only like horses externally – we can’t even digest the same kinds of food. I used to eat daffodils all the time, but it turns out they’re poisonous to both horses and humans here.”
Twilight’s eye widened slightly. “Does that mean Equestrian ponies are omnivorous?”
“Um… sort of,” said Sunset. “Culturally, we’re ovi-lacto-vegetarians. But ponies can eat meat, just like horses in this world.”
“Horses can eat meat!?”
Sunset frowned a little. “Yeah, they can. There are lots of scientific reports about horses killing and eating small birds and other tiny animals. Didn’t you ever come across this in your research?”
Twilight chuckled sheepishly. “Zoology isn’t exactly my field of specialization. I didn’t have much reason to read up on horses until now.”
“Equestrian ponies used to do the same, long ago when we were less civilized,” explained Sunset. “There were even stories of cannibalistic communities, though they’re hard to verify. But meat was never a primary part of our diet, and we usually only resorted to it when food was scarce. As time passed and our agriculture became more efficient, we stopped eating meat altogether. Most ponies would find the idea kind of revolting now.”
“Hmm. What about you?”
“Me personally?” asked Sunset. “I’ve never had meat ever. I’m a strict vegetarian, even though it used to clash really hard with my image as a school bully. Cows and pigs are sapient in Equestria, and animals in general are more intelligent. I don’t think I could stomach the idea, no pun intended.”
“I see.” Twilight went quiet for a moment as she digested all the information. “Any other important differences between your pony and human bodies?”
“You mean, besides having hands?”
“Eheh. Yeah, I meant besides the external differences,” said Twilight.
“Well…” Sunset smirked. “The biggest thing I had to get used to was the feminine hygiene.”
The statement made Twilight’s face redden slightly, but she didn’t seem all that embarrassed. “Oh right! Ponies have an estrus instead of a menstrual cycle!”
Sunset nodded. “Yep. And we don’t have to deal with all the pain and bleeding either. Thank goodness for ibuprofen. My cramps were really bad on my first period.”
Twilight remained silent. The blush from earlier was getting much redder.
“Uhm…” she started. “What- what’s it like having estrus?”
Sunset grinned at the other girl’s obvious discomfort. “Are you wondering if mares start running around going sex-crazy, desperately trying to hump the first stallion they can find?”
Twilight stayed very quiet.
Sunset giggled. “It’s nothing like what you’re thinking. You know how about a couple weeks before your period, you find yourself constantly thinking about boys? It’s a lot like that, just a little stronger. It varies a lot by the mare, too – some have it a lot worse than others. But just like periods, we have all kind of ways to relieve the symptoms, from herbal remedies to proper manufactured medication. And even if you’re one of those really unlucky ones, you always have the option of taking care of it yourself, unless you happen to have a uh, partner.”
“Partner?” asked Twilight.
“Well, just like humans, ponies don’t always wait till marriage to have sex. Lots of relationships don’t necessarily lead to marriage either, at least until they decide to have foals. And gay couples are even less likely to bother, especially since they can’t accidentally have a pregnancy.”
Twilight looked a little surprised, breaking her out of her bashfulness momentarily. “Equestria doesn’t have any cultural prohibitions against gay couples?”
Sunset shook her head. “Not for a long time. In Equestria there’s a huge gender imbalance – there’s an overwhelming number of mares for each stallion, so a lot of us are at least bisexual.”
“B-by ‘us’ do you mean…”
Sunset rocked her head left and right slightly in admission. “Yeah, I go both ways too. It’s actually really, really common. I mean, I never did it, but during estrus, it’s not that strange for adult mares to pair off and help each other out.”
“Y-you seem to be very casual about this,” noted Twilight, still blushing furiously.
“That’s because mares don’t feel any shyer talking about estrus than girls talking about periods.” Her grin widened. “It’s something we all go though, and end up commiserating in. The good news is that ponies don’t suffer from this obsession with sex that humans do when we’re not on estrus, which only happens in the warmer months of the year.”
Twilight was still looking somewhat embarrassed at the subject. “Does that mean you haven’t… y’know…”
Sunset maintained her grin, deliberately aggravating Twilight’s discomfort. “Y’know?”
“You know what I mean by y’know!” squeaked Twilight.
“No I don’t know what you mean by y’know.” Sunset changed her grin to a smirk. “You’re gonna have to explain what you know about y’know if you want me to tell you what I know about y’know. Y’know.”
“Okaynevermindletschangethesubject!”
Sunset chuckled. “Okay, okay, hang on. I was just making fun of you. Seriously though, are you asking me if I’ve had sex?”
Twilight nodded slowly. “You told me that you've been studying at CHS since early middle school, so…”
“Well what kind of girl do you take me for?” asked Sunset flatly. Despite her tone, her expression didn't look angry. “I was too young to have done it when I left Equestria, and once I got here I found a world full of humans, which I don’t exactly find sexually attractive.”
“What do you mean?”
“Look, humans are kind of… unique,” said Sunset. “Just fingers alone are a pretty creepy. To a pony they look like little bony tentacles. And the way arms are so much shorter than legs makes a human’s body shape look so… uneven. Then there’s the complete lack of a tail, which for a pony is a huge part of flirting and physical attractiveness. But I think the weirdest thing of all is where a human’s teats are.”
Twilight looked down at herself, feeling self-conscious all of a sudden.
Apparently not noticing, Sunset continued. “Just about every non-primate mammal I know of has teats just below their abdomen. I get that being bipedal means having them on your chest is more practical for suckling your young, but just about every other species would still find it weird-looking. Think about it from the other way around. Can you imagine a human finding a pony’s body sexy? Ugh, that’d be so weird and gross.”
“Didn’t you use to date Flash Sentry?”
“Oookay…” sighed Sunset. “I dated him only because he was the most popular guy in school. I was willing to do anything for popularity back then, ambitious as I was. I think he figured it out after a while, which is why he broke up with me. And no, we never had sex. We were still just teenagers, and like I said, I don’t have any reason to find humans attractive. Everything I know about psychology says that impressions of physical beauty are learned while growing up. Maybe if I had been born in this world, I might have grown up liking humans.”
“I see,” said Twilight. Much of her earlier embarrassment had begun to fade, though she was still blushing furiously. “What about horses or ponies here?”
Sunset snorted. This time, her voice implied that she was definitely offended. “If you were stuck on a deserted island with an orangutan, would you start smooching him?”
Twilight shrank slightly. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to imply anything.”
Sunset calmed down. “It’s okay. And no, I’ve never found any animal here attractive. Equestrian ponies don’t look anything like the horses or ponies in this world, anyway. We’re a lot shorter, our muzzles are smaller, and in general we look a lot cleaner and usually spend years properly grooming ourselves and keeping in the right shape to avoid looking like a slob. Human-world horses are shaped all wrong by our standards of beauty, almost exactly like the differences between humans and other primates.”
“Oh. So… you’ve never found anything at all in this world attractive to you?” Twilight seemed somewhat disappointed for some reason.
“Well…” Sunset inexplicably began to blush. “There is one person, but mostly because of who she is rather than what she looks like.”
Twilight looked up from her chair quickly.
She?
Sunset was fidgeting nervously. “I have to confess that I do kind of have a crush on a certain purple-skinned nerd…”
Twilight gulped. She recalled the end of the Friendship Games, when Sunset had extended her hand to her after winning their magical duel, saving her from the nightmare. Twilight remembered how soft her skin felt, and the beautiful, benevolent way Sunset had looked at her that day.
“She’s really, really smart, even smarter than I am,” continued Sunset. “and I love her personality, which is really kind of adorable, in that dorky way. I know that this is kind of awkward…”
“Yes…?” Twilight was tensed on the edge of her seat, her hands gripped against her own chest.
“…because I mean, she is kind of your alternate-universe counterpart.”
“…”
“Oh.”
“But it doesn’t have to get weird between us, okay? I know you’re both separate people,” said Sunset nervously.
Twilight chuckled in a way that seemed oddly disappointed. “Right. Right, that makes sense, since you’re both ponies-turned humans. Nothing weird at all.”
Sunset beamed. “I’m glad you feel that way. All things considered, I’ve actually really enjoyed talking to you about my old home. I don’t think I’d mind answering any more questions you have in future, so don’t hesitate to ask. Anyway, I really should get ready for band practice.”
She grinned to the other girl as they exchanged goodbyes, before walking happily out of the door, leaving Twilight alone in her laboratory.
Twilight watched her go, waiting till the door fully closed.
“Well, darnit.”
