Author's Note
PLEASE READ:
Nope. It's not a comedy.
This story takes place in a timeline where the two other Cutie Mark Crusaders, Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle, have gotten their cutie marks before Scootaloo. This story is first person, and has some pretty headcannony stuff about what happens when you don't get your cutie mark. But it's NOT Scootabuse. I actually really like that filly.
This was written before the cutie mark episode, and it shows in some places, so be aware of that. This is just a 'what if' scenario.
-Pencil
The Goodbye
It's strange how you remember some things and not others. Certain moments in your life or the lives of others, calms before storms, instances of perfect emotion. It's also strange how easy it is to forget other things, but I know I have forgotten almost nothing about the day the girls left.
I remember standing at the train station that morning as the conductor pony called his final 'all aboard's. I remember the way the three fillies hugged each other and pressed their little foreheads together, as if they could somehow share the pain they were all feeling. I remember Applejack leaning against my hip and burying her face in my side so that her little sister wouldn’t see the unexpected and uncharacteristic tears budding in her eyes. It’s captured in my head like a photograph, a last, perfect, bittersweet moment.
Their bags had been packed, and the schools were expecting them in a few days time. There was no turning back.
Sweetie Belle was off to a vocalist academy in Canterlot, where she could learn more about magic alongside her quickly flourishing singing skills. She had stars in her eyes, and dreams of one day singing in the royal palace for Celestia or becoming a famous singer like Rara. Twilight had promised to put in a good word for her with the school's headmaster, and even Celestia, assuming the little filly completed all her assignments on time of course.
Applebloom had been offered a place to stay with Babs, as she continued to learn about her abilities as a natural born leader and organizer. Ponyville had its fair share of leaders and organizers, but they were too busy to teach. The mayor was running the city, and Twilight was so busy with princess stuff... Besides, she didn’t entirely fit in with the rest of her apple-centric family and wanted to see what the world had to offer someone with her unique skills. A small school in Manehattan that focused on construction, leadership skills, and training the best and brightesed had offered her a place to learn, assuming she had a place to stay. Babs' family had happily agreed to that part. Applejack had been crushed, but had accepted that the little pony had to see the outside world, as she herself once had.
She didn't say it, but I knew she hoped her sister would get her fill and return someday. I somehow doubted that.
No matter how you turned it, the two fillies had just outgrown Ponyville. They were too talented, too curious and eager, and had too much greatness sprouting in them for the one small town to contain. So they were leaving. They’d promised to return, someday, but it was a vague promise and one none of us would have blamed them for breaking.
And Scootaloo?
Through all the adventures, all the tests, all the hard work with her friends, she somehow still hadn’t gotten her cutie mark yet. Without parents to guide her and push her, she hadn’t been given the same opportunities as the other girls. Sure, all of Ponyville had done their best to help her when they could, be the village that raised the child, but there was only so much we could do. She couldn’t even get up to Cloudsdale to learn what it was like to be a Pegasus. Her stubby wings had never developed past little flutters of feather and fur. All she had was Rainbow Dash, and she wasn’t there that day at the train station. She’d always hated goodbyes, and she didn't have a sister who was leaving. Besides, being a Wonderbolt had begun to take up more and more of her time, and we were beginning to see even less of her those days.
So, when all was said and done, Scootaloo would have to stay behind. At least for the time being.
I remember the conductor yelling once more, and the shudder that went through Applejack beside me as she pressed me closer. The three girls gave their last hugs, whimpers and tears flowing freely from them.
“Ah promise to write you both!” Applebloom said. “We’re still friends, no matter the distance.”
“That’s right,” said Sweetie. She sounded so determined and confident, like there was no way that could change. “We have to keep in touch so you can tell us when you get your cutie mark!”
Scootaloo blushed and shrugged her little winged shoulders.
“Yeah,” she said, obviously trying to sound enthusiastic. “I bet it’ll happen any day now! ...right?”
“Ah know it will,” Applebloom said warmly. “And shucks, maybe it’ll be something to do with bein' a leader!”
“Or singing!”
“Right, or singin’. Then you can come stay with one of us!”
They’d smiled tearfully at each other then, just as the conductor had shouted another urgent ‘all aboard’ that ended with a 'last chance' directed at the three of them. They'd touched their foreheads together one last time in a hug, sharing that invisible bond, then broke apart.
Applejack ran and kissed her sister wordlessly, still trying to put on a brave face. Rarity was busy giving instructions on what things to see in Canterlot, who to say hello to, what things to report back about the latest and greatest fashions. I watched the families hug their youngest members, say they loved them, wipe the tears away.
Then the girls had boarded the train.
They’d waved their hooves out a window and called additional goodbyes as the engine had puffed and grumbled its way into motion. As it pulled away, Scootaloo had begun to run alongside, her stunted wings flapping as she tried to keep up with her two best friends for just a little bit longer.
“Don’t forget about me!” she’d called as she lost ground and the train began to slip away. “Don’t forget!”
The wail of the train whistle nearly drowned her out, but you could see Sweetie and Applebloom smile at her as the train picked up speed and rushed away towards their new lives.
Then, they were gone.
Rarity had left right away, things to do, people to see, and Applejack had come over to me and buried her face in my side again. I remember thinking that she’d lost her parents and was now losing a sister. It wasn't the same, but it was still a very real loss. I’d lost everyone I’d known when I’d come to Ponyville, so I felt some level of empathy for her. And I’d hugged her and comforted her there at the station. I’d whispered the ‘there there’s’ and the ‘it’s ok’s’ and stroked her golden mane as she’d quietly sobbed into my shirt. I’d done all in my power to relieve even some of that loss she was feeling, as she’d once done for me when I first arrived.
I was so busy trying to help her feel better that I didn’t pay much attention to a lone orange figure sitting out at the end of the platform, completely solitary as she looked after the retreating smoke from the train. I almost didn’t see the stooped shoulders, the spiky purple mane undulating in the strong breeze, the drooping, splayed wings.
But I did see her.
I remember seeing her, and doing nothing. Somehow, even though I only caught that scene at a glance, it stands out the most to me in my memories of that day. Like a mental scar that I’ll never heal.
I still wonder if, maybe, on that day, we could have saved her.
~*~
The Nuisance
Months passed from that cloudy day t the train station, seasons changed, and life in Ponyville went on as normal, just minus two childish faces. As life is bound to do, things began to gradually change. I moved from my comfortable loft in the library to the Apples’ farm and soon found myself an adopted part of their family. Even without their youngest member, the family seemed to thrive just fine and they often received letters from her talking about all the neat things she’d been building. She would rant about barns she’d designed, and how she’d have to help repair the one I was staying in when she got home.
She never said when she’d be headed home, but she always ended her letters with messages of love and that she missed her sister, granny, brother, and even me sometimes. I assume that she also wrote to Scootaloo sometimes, though, as her letters came less frequently for us, who knows how frequently they went to her friends.
Rainbow Dash began to train harder than ever to be a Wonderbolt, and it wasn’t long before she announced that they were having tryouts to be on the main team. Like we all expected, she made it in, even if things were a little rocky at first. After that, we began to see less and less of her pretty quickly. She was always busy, and sometimes fell asleep when she did come to see us because she was so exhausted from training. We didn’t blame her though, we were mostly just happy to see her. After a few months, though, she rarely could get time off from traveling tours and training, and her visits pretty much stopped.
When friends fade away like that, it's usually not anyone's fault. It's not a conscious deliberate act. It just happens. Life just happens, and you have to try to roll with it as it hits you.
One thing worth noting here is that, as I saw less of Dash, I also began to see less of Scootaloo. Given the work I had with the Apples, my own adjustments to life among ponies, and a simple lack of interest, I didn’t really think much of it. As I said, life just happens that way sometimes. Until, that is, one day when she came to the farm, unannounced, looking pretty bedraggled, to see me.
I’d been working for an hour doing barn repairs, and then suddenly there she was out of nowhere. I’d just raised my hammer to drive in another nail when I abruptly heard from behind me...
“Hey, whatcha doing?”
Before I could make any correction, I’d swung with all of my force right against my own index finger. I growled in pain and drew my hand back, shaking it vigorously to try to ward off some of the pain. With some amount of annoyance, I'll admit, I turned to see just who it was who had distracted me from my work.
I looked down to find a shortish, skinny orange pony with dirt on her face and in her violet hair. There was still no cutie mark on her hip, despite months and months of trying. She was smiling that big goofy smile of hers, and didn’t even seem to notice my apparent pain. She looked so adorably oblivious that I tried to swallow my anger rather than spit it back at her.
“Hi Scootaloo,” I muttered through gritted teeth. “What’s up?”
“Not much, I guess,” she said with a shrug.
I assumed she was stopping there, and almost went back to my work, but she kept speaking.
“I was trying to hang out with Rainbow Dash, ya know. I haven't seen her for a week, but she said she might have time this afternoon if her training ended early but...well...”
She trailed off and the corners of her smile wavered a little uncertainly. It didn't need to be said. Dash's training hadn't ended early today. It never did.
"Well, I'm sorry to hear that," I said, maybe a little sorry. "But you know how she gets about her training. I haven't seen much of her myself recently either."
"Yeah, I know," she said quietly. "And I can't get up to see her or anything because...you know..."
For effect, she fluttered her little hummingbird wings in a soft buzzing noise. It seemed a cruel trick of fate, to me, to be born a pegasus without the ability of flight. It was like a big, flashing neon sign in front of your face every day saying "what could have been" or "almost." I always thought she'd managed to ignore it well, but when it kept you from seeing the closest things you had to family? It probably hurt more than I can really imagine.
I nodded sadly at her, trying to look sympathetic. To be honest, I was busy, and I knew I didn't have time to consoler her, nor did I know what to say. Besides standing still, letting somepony cry against my chest, and doing the gentle back pat thing, I didn't know how to comfort anyone. The whole thing made me kind of uncomfortable.
"Hey, uh, maybe you can get Pinkie to use her balloon to take you up!" I said, trying to smile comfortingly.
The little pegasus shrugged.
"She's busy too. With Mr. Cake all laid up in bed from the baking accident, she's working over time to try to keep up with orders."
"Oh, well then maybe Twilight-"
"Princess of friendship stuff. Seems like she always has something or someone to deal with."
I thought about suggesting Rarity, who probably would have done anything to help her, as was her nature. But she didn't have the kind of magic or ability as Twilight, nor did she have the tools to her disposal like Pinkie Pie, and I decided not to push the point.
"Well," I said slowly, "they won't be busy forever. It might just take a little while. And maybe, when your wings will grow in eventually, right?"
Her whole body just seemed to kind of sag at my words. I got the feeling she'd heard them before.
"Maybe. Yeah, I know," she said with a sigh.
"I've...got to get back to work on these barn repairs...soooo..."
Then, a thought occurred to her, and she seemed to brighten a little. She looked up at me hopefully.
"Hey, do you need any help with the repairs?"
"Er..."
"I know I've tried for a construction cutie mark before, but maybe it wasn't the right kind of construction," she went on, her words quickening in pace. "If I could help you, then maybe I could...maybe..."
I could see that she was grasping at straws. She didn't care what she was doing, didn't care who she was with, as long as she was around someone doing something. I probably should have noticed how much mud was on her. How it didn't look like she was caring for her mane all that well. But, as people sometimes get, I was caught up in the task at hand, and just wanted to be alone to work in peace. I didn't want her there at all, because I knew she'd get in the way. But even with how busy I was, I couldn't say no to her.
"Sure," I told her with a sigh. "Just bring me another bucket of nails, would you? I need to make sure this beam is stable, or the whole barn could go down if there's a bad storm."
The filly nodded and looked almost like she'd salute me, probably something she did to Dash all the time. Then she scampered off in search of nails and a bucket. I would have told her that there were both, together, just on the other side of the barn, but she looked satisfied at having some sort of mission, so I let her do it.
In the meantime, I set about using my now slightly swollen index finger to steady the nail I was busy pounding in. Without Scootaloo to bother me this time, I easily sunk the thing into the wood with two solid strokes. I stopped very briefly to admire my work, wiping a little sweat off the back of my forehead with my wrist. I had never been much of a carpenter, but I hoped that Apple Bloom, whenever she visited, would at least be satisfied with my work. I patted the front pocket of my overalls, trying to see if I had one more nail left for me to contunue fortifying the beam, but unfortunately I didn't.
I had just turned to find the bucket where I was keeping the nails, when Scootaloo re-entered the barn. She was trotting quickly, carrying a bucket way too large for her, so that it almost scraped the ground. I could hear the jangle of metallic objects, probably nails, inside.
"Okay," she was saying through the handle of the bucket she had clenched in her teeth. "I found five nails, but if you give me more time I'm sure I can find more!"
"Scootaloo, don't run in here, there's some dangerous farm tools and stuff, you could-"
"Huh?" She said, still running. I doubt she heard me. "What? I couldn't-"
"I said be careful, and don't run, you could trip."
"Huh?"
"Scootaloo, I said-"
I turned from the beam and moved to intercept her so I could take the unwieldy bucket from mouth. She honestly did look like she was about to stumble over it at any moment. I'd just put my hammer down and began to move towards her, when the predictable happened.
With a clatter, the bucket hit the floor of the barn a little too firmly, and Scootaloo's small orange forelegs found it with a tinny thud. She toppled forward, letting out a soft "oof", sending the bucket bouncing away from her and its contents flying out. I watched, mid stride, as nails scattered amidst the hay on the barn floor, and I had the immediate thought that they'd be nearly impossible to find. My next thought, however, was horror, as I spotted one of the nails bouncing under me, point up. It came to rest under my foot, just as my weight shifted forward and I came down in my stride. I tried to pull back, to avert my step somehow, but it was too late.
I felt the nail pierce the soft, worn underside of my shoe with shocking clarity. A strike of steely pain sprouted up my foot, ankle, and leg, like my veins were being injected with it. With a yelp, I leapt backwards, toppling onto the ground. I held my foot and shut my eyes, not wanting to look to see how far the nail had sunk in, or if there was blood. With a frustrated grunt, I found the nail head with my fingers, found that it wasn't too deep, even if it was pretty painful, and wrenched it out of my shoe with a jerk. The pain from removing it was far worse than the pain of it going in.
I couldn't help but yell out in pain, and I think I swore too. Either way, it was enough to get Scootaloo started speaking.
"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry! L-let me help you-"
"No!" I shouted. "No, j-just....stay there. There are nails on the floor, don't move."
I opened my eyes a little and, through the tears of hurt, saw her standing here, sort of cowering from me, but looking ready to spring into action at any second.
"I didn't mean to!" she was saying quickly.
"I know, I know...just..."
I should have stopped speaking. Maybe told her to go get Applejack or something. But I was in pain, I was frustrated, and I was annoyed that she hadn't listened to me, right from the get-go.
"Just leave me alone for now, Okay?" I said.
I could see her blurry form shrink back even further.
"B-but..." she stuttered. "It was an accident, I can still help!"
"Right now, I just need to be left alone for a little. You're sort of in my way, and I need my space Can you do that? Please?!"
My voice was rising with intensity. My foot hurt blindingly, and I wonder if the nail didn't strike a bone a little with the way my whole ankle ached. I was just clutching it tightly, adrenalin pumping, and it was all I could do not to yell at her. She needed to go. Now. She was in the way, and It was so hard not to be angry with her, even if it had just been an accident.
"I can help!" she said again, and I thought I could hear a tremble in her voice. "Please! Just give me another chance!"
"Scootaloo..."
"J-just watch!" she went on. "You can sit and rest...a-and I'll do everything for you! Watch!"
Before I could protest, she'd rushed forward, plucked up a nail and the hammer I'd been using, and turned her attention towards she beam I'd been working on. My eyes widened. The beam was pretty stable, sure, but if he pounded on it in the wrong way right now, she could undo much of my work, or worse! She could destabilize the barn, for all I knew. Was she strong enough for that? She had grown a lot lately, who knew what she was capable of!
"Scootaloo, wait!" I said sharply.
I tried to stand up, to go over to her and make her stop, but a shooting pain up my leg made me sit back again as soon as I tried to put weight on it. Damn that stupid nail. Damn this stupid filly. Why was she doing this? Why was she getting in the way so much? Why wouldn't she listen!
"It's ok!" she said, sounding frantic. As my vision cleared, I could see dark orange lines beside her eyes. "I can do it all for you, I'll do a great job and then...and then..."
I still don't know what she thought might have happened, had she done a good job. That I would have let her stay? That somepony would have been proud of her? I grunted through the pain and tried to get back on my feet. Scootaloo was already trying to hold a nail steady in her hooves against the beam, and had the hammer in her teeth. I could see she was trembling as she pulled back her head.
"Stop!" I yelled as I stumbled towards her. "You're going to hurt yourself!"
"I can do it! Watch!"
"Wait! Just wait, don't-"
"I can do it! I-"
A sudden voice came like an thunder clap from the front of the barn.
"Scootaloo, drop that hammer and stop what you're doing right now!"
As if she'd been struck, Scootaloo dropped the hammer and spun to face the source of the voice. I too looked up, and saw the form of Rainbow Dash standing there, wings spread as if she'd just alighted. She was glaring at Scootaloo disapprovingly, and I saw the filly shrink away from the gaze, as if it was burning her.
"Rainbow Dash!" she said, still sounding somewhat excited. "I was just helping out here with-"
"I can see what you were doing," Dash said, cutting her off. "You were about to get yourself hurt is what you were doing!"
The filly stammered, trying to find words.
"B-but...I was just trying..."
"Look," Dash said, her voice softening just a little, but still staying stern in tone. "I know I'm not around much anymore, but that doesn't mean you can go around being a nuisance to everyone else, just because you're bored!"
"I'm not...I wasn't..."
"And I know I couldn't get off training early today, but I thought I'd try to come check in on you, and this is what I find? You've hurt one of my friends and put yourself in danger again? How many times do I have to save you?"
Suddenly Dash sounded weary. So much of the fire was gone from her voice, and now she just sounded exhausted, emotionally and physically. I could see that Scootaloo was trembling again, and couldn't look up to meet her hero's gaze.
"Scootaloo," Dash said. "I'm sorry to be so blunt about this stuff. I'm sure you weren't trying to hurt anyone or cause problems, but you need to be more aware of your actions and how they affect people. The Wonderbolts taught me that sometimes life isn't just me, me, me, and that means you need to make sure you're not causing problems that other people have to go around fixing all the time. Do you understand?"
I heard a whimper from the little orange pony.
"I-is that what I am?" she murmured. "A problem?"
Dash sighed and massaged her temple with one hoof.
"No, that's not what I'm saying," she said slowly, as if she was explaining it to a two-year-old. "What I'm saying is that you need to be more careful. I don't have the time to keep saving you. At this rate, you're going to get yourself hurt sometime, and there will be no one around to help you. Especially if you keep hurting other folks too. Is that more clear?"
Scootaloo was silent for a moment, and I saw her form tremble abruptly, then stop. All at once, she looked up, and I could see a steady stream of tears in the corners of her eyes as she focused her gaze on Rainbow Dash. Even Dash seemed startled by how hurt, honest, and terrified Scootaloo looked right then.
"I'm sorry!" Scootaloo blurted out.
Then she ran forward, and I thought she was going to throw herself against her mentor in an embrace. Instead, she tore past Rainbow Dash at a full gallop, wings fluttering like she wished she could fly away from all this. She kept running down that path, and I could hear her sobbing as she did.
"Hey Kid, wait!" Rainbow Dash called out.
But she didn't stop or look back, and soon she was rounding the line of trees and out of sight. Dash looked after her for a moment, then sighed heavily, and turned to face me.
"Poor little tyke," she said with an even heavier sigh. "She just doesn't seem to understand that she's not invincible and stuff. I don't want to see her get hurt."
"That was kind of harsh though," I said.
I carefully pulled myself upright and tested out putting weight on my foot again. It stung with every step, but it was quickly getting less and less. Maybe it wasn't all the way to the bone after all.
"I know, you're right," Dash said. "It was...way too harsh. I'm just tired and frustrated and...I haven't even seen her for almost two weeks. I figured she'd learn to stand on her own four legs without me, but it looks like she hasn't."
"It was an accident," I admitted. "She was just trying to help me with the barn, and she spilled some nails. I stepped on one and well...she still wanted to help."
"Heh, she doesn't give up, that's for sure," Dash said with a roll of her eyes.
"Kind of like someone else I know."
"Right, right."
Dash took another breath which she let out in a slow sigh and shook her head wistfully.
"I don't know when I ran out of time for her. I never should have let myself, but I just kinda...did. It's such a cruddy situation, but I'm so busy now. It's like she doesn't have anyone else to hang with, but I'm not her mom. I can't be her mom, you know?"
"I know," I told her. "But...that was still harsh."
"Yeah. Yeah I know," she said. "I shouldn't have said all that, even if I was tired and cranky. She didn't need that."
She was silent a moment, as if thinking something over carefully. I suddenly realized I was saying that to myself too, that I was reminding myself how I'd been too harsh with her earlier. Sometimes you need to tell people to leave you alone, and sometimes when someone is getting under foot, you need to tell them to go away. It's okay to to that, it really is. But you don't do that to someone who is hurting like Scootaloo was. You don't do that when someone is alone and reaching out for a little company. I looked up at Rainbow Dash, feeling more than a little guilty myself.
"Hey, you want a little help going to look for her?"
She nodded slowly, as if she too was coming out of some kind of guilt-induced trance.
"Yeah. Sounds good. Your foot okay though?"
I shrugged.
"It's not perfect, but it'll be okay. She can't have gone far. If I need to stop, I will, don't worry. You take the air, I'll take the ground?"
Dash nodded, then spread her wings and walked back to the entrance of the barn.
"And," she added quickly. "If you find her first, tell her I want to apologize, okay?"
I smiled a little and rested a hand on one of Dash's shoulders. Everyone acts out and says stuff they shouldn't sometimes. Learning to say you're sorry when you mess up is so huge, and I was glad to see that being a Wonderbolt had helped her learn to do that. It was something I could stand to work on too.
"Sure thing," I said.
She gave me a thankful little smile, nodded, then sprang from the ground as if gravity never had gained any hold over her. I watched her fly from the entrance of the barn up into the sky, then hobbled my own way down the path in search of the little filly.
I turned by uneven steps towards a wooded glen nearby as my first place to check. I knew she would probably be by her old club house by now, where she usually used to hang out. The tree-house was beginning to fall apart a little now from disuse, but I still occasionally spotted her there in passing, as if she still clung to the place. I wondered, just for a fleeting second, what her two best friends would have said to her to comfort her right then. Maybe, if I found Scootaloo first, I could try to say what they would, and I could dry her tears like they might have.
I remember thinking that she needed a friend right then. Maybe I could offer that to her. Little did I know, she'd just found a new one one all on her own.
~*~
