//-------------------------------------------------------// Vengeance, Card Games and Magic -by Morgie93- //-------------------------------------------------------// //-------------------------------------------------------// Chapter 3.14159265358973... //-------------------------------------------------------// Chapter 3.14159265358973... Deep beneath the ocean’s surface… (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b1B_pZC8aWU) {Just play the first 20 seconds} Dartz’s summerhouse, Atlantis… I think? “Hellow evwyboy! I have called you all here fwom yohur expensive vacations fohr a verwy important anowncement!” Dartz called out to his gang of villains. "Some call him a heart bweaker, others just call him a douchebag; say hellow to Pwince Blooooo-blouwd!" "It is nice to be here with this exquisite, oceanic facade." Prince Blueblood welcomed himself to the group. "Howly Dooley!" Valon cried out in his usual Aussie accent. "A talking horse!" "I don't see what is so evil about a unicorn." Alistair complained. "I don't see what's so evil about a whiney teenager." Zombie Boy added on. "Hey!" "Commoners," Blueblood went on, "I am of Royal Canterlot descent. My wealth shall help finance your quest for world domination through stock investment plans." "Johnny Steps thinks that you sound like an absolute dick!" Johnny Steps referred to himself in third person. "And I think that you are some uneducated buffoon that does not know the meaning of dancing, or a taste in socially acceptable attire." The Equestrian destroyed any of the passionate dancer's ego that supposedly existed. "Oooh! Looks like you got burned bad, Jhoony Steps!" Raphael was indifferent with their current situation. "New member, great. Now can I leave? I have a Magic tournament to attend." "Man, what the *eff* is Magic?" Dartz asked, confused as to what in the name of Atlantis Magic was. "Hace you ever heard of Magic the Gathering?" "What in the name of *eff* is this piece of *eff*ing bullshit doin' here!" "It's the new Yu-Gi-Oh, Dartz. In my opinion, Magic is infinitely better in every way possible." "Is it a childwen's card game?" "No, it targets adolescents and adults. You know, the avid gamers with no social lives stereotype. Mainly teenagers." "Like a sexuwal pweadatoh." "What?" "Nevahmind. Continue with your lies, liahor!" "The card game we play is so shit. Just look at what we have: Synchro Summon? What is this? And XYZ cards, I don't want to even want to look at. Long story short, Magic is awesome." "Now you look here, you are a douche-faced liahor. Case clowsed." "Huh? What you're saying doesn't make sense. Your argument is clearly invali–" "You are a douchebag!" [Does anyone want to know how my life's been? (Nobody cares, here's what you came for.) Whah! Whah! Morgie wants screen time! Somebody fetch me my lawyers! (That does not make any sense... You can't afford any lawyers you lying son of a b-)] Vengeance, Card Games and Magic: We are about half as popular as My Little Marik. And it's just like it, ONLY MUCH WORSE! And also Discord. The Writer, The Producer, And The Brony: Morgie93 The Tolerant One, The guy who tried to throw Morgie93 into a bush and the 'Is this a good idea?' Guy: obsidianreaper The guy who acts like Tristan IRL and Editor of The Daily Bugle: RustyBucket (or Spider-Man. Take your pick.) Chapter 3.14159265358973…… (mmmm, π): Encounters of the Pony Kind [I have no idea how to do this so I'm going straight into things. (Just like the simpleton you are with next to everything.) Buck you hard! Why do you have to be so rough? (It's always hard for you newbies, if you know what I mean! Ha ha! Virgins.) ...You are such a dirty minded mind, brain.] ≤And now for the cameo of obsidianreaper!≥ ≤Of course they love me! I am a god!≥ [Chris, get the frig out of my story!] ≤Cowboys & Aliens was not directed by Michael Bay. It was too good to be his work.≥ [I SAID GTFO, BITCH!!! (I finally get to speak! No one can stop my undisrupted reign of terr–)] [You too, Saker! (Dammit! So close!)] <*Bleep*ing *Bleep*hole!> The next day, under a random tree in the outskirts Ponyville, Equestria... "Man, what happened last night?", Joey involuntarily spoke as he woke up with cramps in his neck. "All I can remember from last night was pushing Kaiba into that portal thing. It must have been a drug induced hallucination, that or something really cliché. One or the other." "I'm glad you're okay, you took a pretty nasty fall by your condition. What were you doing falling late last night anyways?", a quite raspy, slightly feminine voice said. He retaliated before setting his eyes on where the voice came from "Look, I don't know what happened so do you mind not hassling me... Gagh!" In front of Joey was a rainbow haired, tiny winged horse thing talking to him! It slightly cocked its head to see what the matter was with the blonde man. "Are you okay?" Dash asked the creature she could hardly see in the early morning light. It hid behind the tree and started talking out loud in a very strong Manehatten accent. "Oh man, I must be having the weirdest furry dream right now. Why aren't I in a dog suit and where the hell is that douchebag anyway? When I get my hands on him, he better prepare for my Brooklyn Rage and the power of my creepy chin!" 'Time to shut him up.' Rainbow thought to herself, "What's your problem? Are you some crazy pony from the mental institution?" Joey really started to get worried about his mental health. "I might need to be in one after I'm done here! Wait a minute, what do ya mean, 'crazy pony'? I ain't no pony!" 'This stallion is really starting to scare me.' "What the hay are you talking about? You speak too well to be a diamond dog but you're smaller than a griffin." "So there are griffins in this place? What's next?" He tried desperately to joke around with the situation. "Dragons and unicorns prancing about the place?" 'This guy is retarded.' Her patience was growing thin with the creature. "Uh, duh! There are unicorns all over Equestria! And you can see dragons passing by every month or so." Both peering from the same side of the tree, they met face to face. Rainbow Dash now saw what was the dreaded five-lettered word that Lyra was always on about. A human. Time for a Pegasus Rage! "I can't believe she was right! Great! Another fifty bits down the drain! I could just not tell her that I saw a human. But then another pony might tell her. Unless..." She now glared at Joey with caution, fearing the piece of jagged metal affixed to it's left arm. "Alright, changeling! What is Queen Chrysalis up to now!" This was all way too much for one Joey Wheeler to handle. "Listen, rainbow-haired, winged horse thing..." "Pony, I am a pony!" She barked at him for his mistake. "Jeez, you mind not trying to kill me! I didn't know that horses had that time of the month as well..." "I. AM NOT. A HORSE! I am a pony! P-O-N-Y. Pony! And for your information, I am not having my perio-." "Whoa! Too much information, lady!" Joey was slightly disturbed with how open this mare was with her body. It reminded him of Mai Valentine, only much more flat and not human. 'There's no way anything from Equestria can be that stupid. Maybe it is real...' "Alright then. You don't seem like any major threat an–" Rainbow stopped talking for a moment, processing all the information… “Oh great.” The blonde man from Broolyn, I mean Japan, I mean… [Gagh!] was further bamboozled by the pegasus “Nyeh? What’s so bad about that?” “It’s not you,” She tried to explain, “It’s just that every time something crazy happens, my friends and I have to save the world.” “I know how you feel… That happens to us as well, but it involves playing a children’s card game.” Joey added on. “Pfft, A card game? We have to use ‘the Magic of Friendship’ to save our world.” “At least I know that it isn’t our show that involves all the friendship stuff. Guess I owe Téa an apology, and fifty bucks. So tell me er…” “Rainbow Dash, the fastest thing alive! And you are?” “Joey Wheeler, Ace Attorney …I think they belong to someone else.” “I guess so.” “As I was saying before,” Joey picked up the conversation again. “What major villain are we going to face?” Rainbow Dash was about to answer the spoiler when the clouds began forming words in the sky. It read: ‘Dash, geit to Twylight’s Hose’ “Derpy…” Dash said, growing angrier by the second, “What does she want now?” More clouds formed another message: ‘Im ona mishon form Guod. E pormsied me muffins.’ “Man, I didn’t know you had retards here.” Joey commented crudely on the work of one, wall-eyed pegasus. “Maybe we should go to Twilight’s place.” Dash said to the blonde. “There, the leader of your friends will come up with a plan to avoid all this crazy stuff.” “Agreed.” And as the two, newly paired characters walked towards town. The very same wall-eyed pegasus, which wrote the cloud message, appeared from the foliage of the tree. “I did it!” Ditzy ‘Derpy’ Doo cried out in the un-re-dubbed voice that everyone loved and cared for. [You have done well, little one. I shall reward you for your efforts.] A tray of freshly made muffins then fell from the sky into Derpy’s hooves. “Thank you, mistur voice!” She thanked the mysterious voice. [Your actions are more important than you think. The fate of the very universe is still at risk. If was not for your cloud message, Joey Wheeler and Rainbow Dash would spend the rest of the chapter being shipped. There are some things that even I cannot stop, like Téa’s annoying voice, or him…] “Muffins!” [Why…] The Great Wilderness [(Or the land that was made up for Trixie to be hiding in.)]… In the middle of the dirt path road laid the still breathing body of Seto Kaiba. He awoke to a sharp pain in his neck as he was jabbed by something pointy; being prodded over and over again. "Unh..." He moaned. "My head hurts. If I wasn't so filthy rich, I wouldn't be able to insure myself for that fall. Now where am I?" "Halt, lowly creature!" A voice suddenly filled the space of the dense jungle. "You are in the presence of the Great and Powerful Trixie!" Staring blatantly at the pony, Kaiba had other plans that did not involve paying any interest. Money-wise or else. "Look, weird... unicorn thing? I don't have time for novices so kindly step aside whilst I use my GPS to get me out of here." Trixie, outraged with Kaiba's comment, decided to take action. "Trixie is no foal, overgrown monkey. Watch as Trixie uses her ultimate magic trick on a live subject." Kaiba smirked at the regard. "Oh wow, magic, like I haven't heard about that before. Yugi must have planned all off this just to piss me off." "Trixie will NOT be made a mockery of!" And in her anger, she casted the spell that she had perfected for two years. Her horn glowed with a blue aura and enveloped Kaiba. Once the spell was complete, Trixie stared at him in pure shock to what happened. "Y-y-y-ou. H-h-ow could?" She stuttered. "I am Seto Motherfucking Kaiba! Your magic bullcrap doesn't work!" Kaiba proudly boasted. "No... It worked alright... Are you... comfortable with... green hair?" She said, raising a hoof towards the top of his head. Kaiba pulled out a pocket mirror from hammer space and investigated his new appearance. [Pause for dramatic effect.] [ (Getting back to the story before the next update of My Little Marik?) Fine, meanie.] "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME?!!" He shouted at the blue unicorn. She merely straightened her magician's hat and said, "Trixie has discovered a spell that makes its victim's worst nightmare become a reality." "Then tell me, Trixie." Kaiba commented smugly. "Did you try it out on yourself or are you just born a loser and have a desperate need for attention?" "Trixie merely seeks payback after she was humiliated by that Twilight Sparkle. We shall see who will get the last laugh then! Soon Trixie's great power shall be witnessed by all!" The billionaire thought on what the unicorn said, 'Power huh, that seems strong enough to arouse me. But her plan seems familiar... just like mine. We both have something in common; something that relates to a feeling for getting back at someone for doing something bad to us. I can't seem to remember the name of it...' "Even though you violated my perfectly natural hair, we need to work together. You see, I too have some asshole I want to get back at also. Let's agree that we won't become friends after this, because I can't stand that mushy friendship crap that happens at the end." Trixie gave herself time to think over this proposal, 'The upright monkey has the same inhibitions as I do. Also, who knows how long it would take me to get out of this jungle alone?' "Trixie accepts this proposal, Khai-Buh." "It's pronounced Kaiba." He corrected Trixie. "Whatever, Trixie would like the way out of here sooner rather than later." "This day keeps on getting better." Over to where we last saw Melvin... "Food... Water... Atmosphere... Five star accommodation... And a jacuzzi... With water jets... And free mints on the bed... Along with some bath robes..." Melvin, after minutes of walking soon collapsed to his knees, crying from the agonising pain of moving one foot. In the far off distance, he saw a shadowy creature lurking towards him through the terrible sandstorm. When the figure approached Mevin, it was too late to resist. "Mister?" The little colt asked Melvin, putting on a face that would equal the DAWW factor of all the kitten videos on the Internet tenfold. "What are you doing in our sandbox?" The sandstorm subsided, revealing the grand city of Canterlot to Melvin. Vice versa, it revealed to the city a grown man, wading in a foal's sandbox. "I love you!" Melvin cried to the colt. "May I get a hug? You're just so adorable!" {Now it's time for where you, yes you, decide what happens to the irresistible colt. If you want to see Melvin kill the colt, comment: 'I am a sadistic monster' If you want to see Melvin adopt the colt, comment: 'Resistance is futile' Please leave a comment and the result will be revealed next chapter. Thank you for your time} One walk to The Royal Castle later... "Ahh, now that was a good hug. Now... time to sneak past the guards and *checking a written message on his arm* 'Renew car insurance', yes. Wait, other arm. 'Get anniversary present'. I'll stop by Kmart once I have stolen 'The... Elements... of... Harmony'." Simply walking to the newly installed treasure vault, Melvin's old nemesis stood there waiting for him: The Bitchy Security Door! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a1Y73sPHKxw) "Hello," The door said, "Please enter the password" "Oh crap, it's you again. Whatever shall I do?" Melvin sarcastically trembled in fear. "Nine-Nine-Nine-Nine." He typed and spoke to himself so the audience knows. "Enter secondary password." The Bitchy Door replied. "Curses! Now I have to scroll down to the bottom of this chapter and watch the new episode! Damn you, Morgie!" [Why did you tell him!] "Many thanks, Tristan of the real world." Melvin continued with his mission. "It's amazing that there was no security apart from this door here." On the moon... "This is why you never, EVER ask for a 'vacation' from Celestia, you dolt!" "Sorry guys." "Man, I had important things to do this week." "I needed to get my armour shined this Thursday." "Where's the toilet?" "My wife is going to hang me if I don't make it to my daughter's ballet recital!" "At least there are zero-gravity lesbian moon parties here." "Shut up! Everypony knows that is a lie, just like the cake!" "I'm just going to go over there and do some sea salt *ahem* I mean finish off some really important paperwork." "Could I help?" "No you can't Jerry!" Back to Canterlot... "So that's why no one stopped me from going into your room." Luna thought out loud. Celestia, not really caring about her sister, only heard the 'going into your room' part. "What?" "Nothing, but I have the weirdest feeling that we are going to be attacked." "Lulu, what in Equestria are you talking abo—" Breaking down the door into the throne room, holding onto the statue of Discord, Melvin interrupted their conversations. "Whassup, whore biscuits?" He called out to the princesses. "I'm sorry," Celestia began to troll him, "The gay stripper bar is two doors down from here." "Who doesn't know where it is?" Melvin responded. "Here in Canterlot, we don't allow minor villains into the city. Otherwise, how else would the general population take a real threat easily?" "Well prepare for trouble!" Melvin shouted, dropping the statue on the carpet. From the broken remains of Discord's stony prison, it unleashed the deity of chaos at last. "And make it double!" He added on to intimidate the princesses. "Hey!" Luna protested. "I wanted it to be doubled first!" "Luna," The white alicorn said to her sister, "Shut. Up. What is it you want, Discord? And who is your servant?" "Oh, where are my manners?" The draconequus went on. "This is my partner in crime and my boyfriend, Melvin. Honey? Could you give us a wave?" Melvin raised a hand to greet the princesses. "Now," He continued to talk to Celestia. "We will be imprisoning you in the Shadow Realm whist we proceed to take over Equestria. Are you down with this shin-dig happening or are you going to be all square about it?" Celestia smirked at the foolish demands. "Do you seriously think that I am going to do what you tell me to?" Melvin took hold of the darker alicorn and placed a banana to her head. "If you don't obey our commands, we will be forced to kill your sister." The sun alicorn shrugged her shoulders. "Meh, do what you want. I don't care about Luna that much." "But Celly!" Luna whined. Discord then cunningly thought of another way to force Celestia to step down. "Put us in charge or we will kill the production team." He threatened her, showing no mercy in his different shaped eyes. To her, this nothing but a shallow threat."Ha!" Celestia laughed, "You shall never find them!" "Is that so?" The deity of chaos questioned her. "You see, we have Facebook stalked them and know all of their secrets! Chris has a 'twin' brother! Saker hangs out in his family's basement! There was nothing on the writer, (damn sociopaths!) but we will find them." "There is no way one can find all three of them at once." "Fine, we shall send you to the darkest part of the Shadow Realm Estate and drop off your precious production team with you." "What is this ancient evil?" Luna pondered in fear of a repeat moon banishment-like scenario. "You will see..." Melvin spoke before the alicorn sank deeper into the black pit, engulfing her whole. "I want to ride on the hole Celly!" Luna cried out as she jumped in after her sister. Once they had both gone through, Discord began discussing his new plan for the kidnapping of the production crew. "Here is the deal.You take the unimportant members and leave me with the boy." Discord said in his most evil voice. "There is something I want him to experience before being taken away." "Awww!" Melvin whined. "How come I have to deal with the retards?" "Because afterwards, we shall make sweet hatred over and over again." Without any delay, both villains disappeared in a white flash of light, removing themselves from this dimension into another. A lone tumbleweed rolls across the throne room as the wind slowly picks up. In the Shadow Realms... As Celestia began to stand up once more, the sudden force Luna put on her back forced her down again. "Do you mind getting off me?" She asked with a hint of anger in her voice. "Sorry." Luna quickly apologised and moved off the white alicorn to avoid further scalding. As Celestia regained her hoofing, Luna went into panic mode. "It's Space Camp all over again!" She wailed. "Ten days, you said! It will be fun, you said!" They stood in the middle of what was considered a reasonable accommodation: newly painted walls and some modern and quite exotic décor. Along with brand new carpet, a wide TV set and plenty of furniture, Celestia could not see how this was worse than the moon. "Luna, you're overreacting." Celestia comforted her sister. "So I left you on the moon for a while; I get that. What is so bad about this place?" Over on the PA system, a deep, digitally altered voice of evil spoke. "Welcome contestants," It said. "This, is Big Brother." "I TOLD YOU THIS WOULD HAPPEN!" Luna shouted in her Royal Canterlot voice. "Luna please, there are more terrible ways to be tortured..." "Oh yeah? Then tell me, big sister: What could be worse than this?" Kaiba’s pad… “And that’s why friendship is so important to the world!” Téa finished her talk on friendship. “My ears…" Mokuba whined as he picked his blood-soaked ears free of any scabs. Looking over at the inactive Dimensional Gateway System™, Téa's naïve and curious nature as the fanfic writer she is (albeit she only writes ship-fics) asked the question, "Grandpa, what's that thing?" She said pointing towards the metal arc. "Téa, I'm right here!" Mokuba complained that no one was paying attention to him. "Silence you harlot! Now help me inside this cardboard box so I can utilise the power of imagination!" Just then, slumped in the out of fashion bean bag, Grandpa woke up. "Where am I?" Twilight's Library... "Spike, I'm just quickly ducking out for a few groceries. I won't be long." Twilight called out to her assistant as she departed. "Whatever you say boss." Spike replied with very little enthusiasm. 'Man,' Spike thought, 'All this time I could spend on trying to hit on Rarity is just being wasted on doing nothing. But nothing interesting has happened around here for ages! I wish there was something new around.' Out of nowhere, Yugi fell on the wooden surface of the library after what seemed like three weeks of falling. "I swear to god, Joey's going to owe me big time once I find him. Now where am I..." "Um... hi!" Spike walked up to Yugi and offered a claw shake to him. "I'm Sp–" "Oh my god it's a dragon and it's going to eat me!" Yugi freaked out, "I can't die! I'm the main character! Where's Tristan when we need him for a sacrifice?" In the heat of the moment, Spike moved closer to Yugi. "Don't be afraid. I'm not going to hurt you little fella." "And you're calling me small. I mean, look at you. You're a freaking midget dragon!" "Hey! I'm just a baby dragon. And besides, I can breathe fire." Spike boasted, giving a demonstration. Not being used to the idea of fire breathing dragons, Yugi did the most logical thing to do: Panic. "Gagh! Get away from me!" "But I'm not gonna hu–" "You just want to eat me!" "I– Wait, what?" And in that moment of madness, Yugi and Spike engaged in a usual comedic chase scene. As Yugi ran, he knocked over piles of books that had not been placed back. Unfortunately, he landed face first into a copy of 'Fifty Shades of Grey'. "MY EYES!!! THEY BURN!!!" He cried in pain over the terrible, published fan fiction. A swallow's flight away... That's an un-laden swallow's flight away! It's at least two laden swallow flights away; four really if they had a coconut on a line between them. I mean, if the birds were walking– [(GET ON WITH IT!)] Okay, it was a crippled swallow's flight away... "Are we there yet?" Joey complained as he and Dash walked through the streets of Ponyville. "Quit whining!" Rainbow Dash replied. "Don't you realise if anyone finds out you're here, they are going to–" "Hi Dash!" Twilight chimed into their conversation. "Who's your friend here?" "Uh..." "I'm a disfigured friend of Rainbow Dash's." Joey lied quickly. "After a flight accident, it left me heavily scarred for the rest of my life. The doctor said I was lucky to survive the fall." "Oh my," Twilight gasped, "You must come over to my place so I can try a healing spell on you!" "That would be great!" Dash added on. "But can you hurry it up? We don't want to scare every pony else." "I forgot our town is full of xenophobic conservatives. Right this wa–" A loud voice suddenly came out of Twilight's house. "Oh god, IT BURNS!" This was soon followed by another slightly higher voice. "It must have been lying around after all the mess that was made." "It's burning my corneas out even as we speak!" "I said I was sorry!" "You're too late for that!" "I wonder what's going on inside the library?" Twilight asked herself out of curiosity. "What are we waiting for? Let's go!" Rainbow Dash cried out. "Oh no!" Joey complained, "The chapter is ending soon!" "What are you on abo–" [And that's a rap! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TuiNtC4kURk) Sorry if this seems rushed but I was busy deciding my future with subject choices for the Australian equivalent of STATs. Plus, my science teacher set off a smoke alarm which resulted in procrastination for the rest of first period and a visit from the fire department. No damage was done... Except the ceiling got slightly burnt. Chemistry is fun! (The story, num nuts!) Oh yes, *ahem*... NEW EPISODE!!!!!!!! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lEEDMahLnqQ) Now leave me be while I think of more original material. TTFN, Morgie PS: Otaku1995exe //-------------------------------------------------------// I am number 4 //-------------------------------------------------------// I am number 4 Funny… I thought we would have an intro for this chapter. Meh. Vengeance, Card Games and Magic: Distracting you from the assumed important things you have in your life. (Then again, ponies are an important part of your lives.) …IGNORE THE PREVIOUS STATEMENT NOT IN BRACKETS! The one responsible for keeping track of writing the story: Morgie93 The ones that does pretty much do nothing: obsidianreaper and Sketch 4: More Cliché, Definitely Not Gay and the Kazakhstani Way Twilight's House-tree/Library/Something else… (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bQtlrBziyzI) "Don't worry," Spike rubbed burn cream into Yugi's eyes, "This happened to me a few weeks back." "It feels like they are bleeding from the inside." Yugi complained. "I don't even think therapy can help me. That thing is worse than Waterworld, every Police Academy movie and the Transformers remakes combined." Barging through the door, Twilight, Joey and Rainbow caught the two by surprise, stopping the music in the process. "Spike?!!" Twilight asked the small purple dragon, "Who is this and what are you doing?" "It's not what it looks like!" Yugi quickly denied any assumption they had. "What does it look like anyway?" Spike commented. "Yeah," Joey added on, "To me it looks like Yug burnt his eyes out after reading some really messed up erotic fan fiction." "Huh," Dash said aloud, "It looks more like some thug tried to cut his eye out." "Or attempted to inject a life-saving medication for his shortness." "Maybe he gouged his own eyes out after he got a really bad case of pink eye." "Did someone say my name?" Another voice called out. Everyone in the room turned around to see a massive chimney, sticking out in the middle of the library. Out of the chimney came one sooty Pinkie and another equally sooty Tristan. How they managed to get the chimney inside was ignored. "Tristan Taylor is in the house!" Tristan shouted as he stepped out of the chimneystack, dusting himself off. “I finally got what I wanted for Christmas: a pony!” “A pony?” Joey said in confusion, “That’s the stupidest idea for a present ever!” [That would be his reaction in 2006. Let’s see his reaction in 2012.] “A pony?” Joey said in confusion, “What a brilliant Christmas present! Even though it’s six years late and the audio quality has improved by a mile.” "Pinkie," Twilight asked the pink, hyperactive nutcase. "Who is he?" Pinkie being Pinkie, blurted it all out in a fast blur of words, "Well... I was passing through this weird barrier thing where all these people stare at us all the time and then I see Tristan from Yu-Gi-Oh!: The Abridged series passing by. So I thought to myself: 'What's Tristan doing here?' And then I remember that the guy who's dying on his laptop has started to write down what happens to us in the near future. I go up to Tristan and say: 'Ohmygosuohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh! It's you!' And it turns out that he totally already knows who I am too! And we're all like 'Yay!' and then we threw a massive party through the Internet! We had Billy Mays over along with 60's Spiderman who signed Tristan's voice for him with his single fuck that he gave. Also there was Black Jesus, Gandalf, Old Spice Guy, Morgan Freeman, George Bush and Ghost Nappa at the party! Oh it was amazing with all the lights turning on and off whilst Vinyl Scratch was playing Skrillex and it was all like 'Boom Boom Boom Boom!'. Morgan Freeman drank too much vodka after he did some lines with Gandalf and passed out in the bathtub. We also dared Georgie to eat a slug and we were all like: 'Eww!' and 'Dude, that's so messed up!' 60's Spiderman showed Tristan an online pirated version of the new Spiderman movie and Tristan thought is was a pile of—" "I think that's enough Pinkie Pie..." Rainbow Dash cut her off before she went on a further tangent of craziness. "Long story short: These guys are here to help us out." "With what?" Twilight asked, "I don't understand any of this nonsense." Just then, the front door swung open again. This time, five more figures came through to provide filler for the writer to delay the plot. Rarity, Applejack and Fluttershy, along with Duke and Serenity, made their way to everyone else. "Twilight," Applejack said in her usual Southern accent, "We found these humans an' we need yer help." Twilight groaned with annoyance, "Why is it that when all this crazy stuff happens, it's me every freaking pony goes to see?!" Rarity spoke up in her posh Canterlot/British accent, "Twilight darling, as much as we enjoy disturbing you, Lyra's out of town and well... we didn't know who else to call. Luckily Dukie here told us about his friends." "Think nothing of it baby." Duke continued to swagger in style {You know what to do. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VaZ9c-B88aM)}. "Don't forget me Duke!" Serenity added on. "Why would I forget you, Serenity?" 'Oh great,' Tristan thought, 'The witch has placed a curse on Serenity! He's stealing my woman! What an asshole!' 'Oh great,' Spike thought at the same time as Tristan, 'That pretty-faced jerk is hitting on my beloved Rarity! He's stealing my girl! What an asshole!' "Um... Twilight?" Fluttershy spoke in a hushed whisper, "Who are these strange people?" Yugi, finally recovered from the strongest of all evils, spoke up. "My name's Yugi Mutou and this is Joey, Duke, Serenity and Tristan." He said, pointing to each one. "And you?" "My name is Twilight Sparkle and these are my friends: Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie. I think that will settle things down..." "Twilight sounds like the name of the crappy book series and movie about vampires featuring Shark Boy, an unwanted brony, and a talentless whore." Yugi added on, "At least nothing can distract us from what is actually going o–" And in the name of all that is ironic, Yugi's Millennium Puzzle began to glow. From inside the Puzzle came forth the greatest man in the universe: Yami Victor Yugi in a tutu. The Pharaoh was shocked to be out of the Puzzle. "This isn't the ballet recital! Yugi, why is everyone in this room a fucking pony!" "Calm down Pharaoh," Yugi comforted the once dead Egyptian spirit, "Just tell me what it was like." "It was awful Yugi!" Yami pouted. "They didn't have cable and they kept playing repeats of old 'Zorc and Pals' episodes. No words could describe how horrible it– AH! A dragon! Stand back everyone! I shall dispose of the foul beast myself!" Drawing a Daeric one-handed sword, capable of doing 538 points of damage in a single attack, he pointed it at Spike who, if he could, was shitting bricks. "Wicked monster," Yami goes on, "I have played Skyrim for six months now and killing a dragon is an easy feat. I would have simply killed you right now if I had not taken an arrow to the knee. Or traded in my normal leather boots for dragon leather. Die!" Taking a lunge at Spike, he tried his best to cut off the baby dragon's head. Everyone else was simply standing there watching the action. "Hey! What's with you trying to kill me!" Spike shouted back at the crazed swordsman. "Once I absorb your soul, I am going to use your hide as a cape!" Yami said as he went once more for the kill shot. "What is wrong with you?" Rainbow Dash finally stood up for the little dragon. "Why can't you love and tolerate like everyone else?" Yami unequipped himself and stared down at her. "I'm sorry Miss Roy. G. Biv, it's just that I would expect a lesbian to talk about tolerance for others." "I am not a lesbian!" Dash barked at Yami. This provoked everyone in the room (apart from Spike hiding from Yami, Rainbow Dash having the comment directed to her and Joey just staying out of it this time) to synchronise a sarcastic "Riiiiiiiiight." Tristan and Pinkie added on their own little bit: "We don't believe you!" "Pharaoh," Joey protested, "Don't you think what you're doing is a little bit harsh just to assume her sexuality based on her natural hair colour?" "Joey, she's an athlete." Yami went on with his statement, "All female athletes are lesbians; always touching each others’ butts. Look how muscly and manly they are! Therefore, she is a lesbian. Flawless logic." “Come on, there are female athletes that aren’t gay.” “She slept with a female griffin.” Twilight supported Yami’s argument. “Hey!” Rainbow shouted. “That was just harmless sexual experimentation. I see you do it with those plastic horns!” Pinkie tried to cheer her friend up. “Don’t worry Dashie, Nowacking is also a lesbian too!” “No Pinkie, she’s not a lesbian.” Yugi corrected Pinkie Pie’s common mistake. “Which lesbian?” Yami asked in confusion. “For the last time,” Rainbow Dash sreamed in anger, “I, AM NOT, A LESBIAN!!!” “Well, clearly you are.” Twilight said in a matter of factually tone. “You’re supposedly one of my best friends, so why aren’t you supporting me?” “I am supporting you. Supporting the fact that you clearly are a filly-fooler. That’s what best friends do: Insult each other.” “Fine then,” Rainbow concluded, “At least I get some action instead of clopping over erotica, El Virginio. That explains this book here!” She held up the copy of Fifty Shades of Grey. Yami then erupted in a roar of laughter. “Ah hahahahaha ha! Virgins.” Pinkie Pie proceeded to create more holes in the fourth wall. “That joke is sooo unoriginal! I mean, is the writer really just repeating the same old jokes like LK or is he going to write new, original material? And what is he doing instead of this? Maybe he’s found the giant rock reference in pokehidden’s ‘Banned from Equestria’ [Definitely NSFW. DO NOT GO NEAR IT! I was too late...] or something even more random like watching the terrible abridged episodes of My Little Pony.” “That flash animation gave me lupus.” [It hasn’t done anything to me. (What is this horrid demonic thing that I am seeing?!! AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHH!!!) Nope, nothing happened.] “What is lupus?” Fluttershy questioned the obscure reference from Yami. [Breaking the fourth wall is so much easier than actually writing something proper.] “Oh Fluttershy,” Rarity chortled, ≤Chortled… Really?≥ [No one asked for your opinion! (I did.) Go to hell, me! (No.) …You win this time.] “Only those who are sophisticated and watch episodes of House MD can understand the complex medical in-joke.” “So yer sayin’ that Ah’m not as good as you are?” Applejack responded, feeling that the comment was directed at her. [Ha! People who actually have friends and social lives… Wait… You just foreshadowed something… but I can’t remember what…] “Well…” Rarity continued on with her payout. “If you insist, I think of you as a stereotypical, inbred Southerner who probably thinks that two plus two is a trick question.” “Fine, Ah think yer jus’ some stupid, posh wannabe an’ can’t even get anywhere in life!” “Oh… IT. IS. ON, BITCH!” The ivory unicorn then lunged out at the orange earth pony and the two proceeded in a hoof-fight, with no clear indicator on who would win. As they continued their fight off-screen, Tristan saw this as the perfect opportunity to try and punch Duke, distracted by the… female on female wrestling... [(Keep writing more borderline rule 34 stuff!) Proper story! (No! You do not get to resist me! I have the high ground!) Proper motherfucking story!] Tristan, having missed his opportunity due to other issues, (1. Tristan’s mental capacity. 2. There is no second reason! 3. Duke’s too beautiful to get hurt.), decided just to complain. “How dare you put a curse on my bride to be, you evil witch!” Duke moved back from Tristan hesitantly, “I am sorry to do this, but you have forced my body! Prepare to feel my true power!” Unleashing a powerful ray of concentrated swagger, Duke finished off Tristan Taylor once and for all… or so he thought… “You fail to realise that my voice gives me super strength!” Tristan shouted in triumph. “Now prepare to–“ He was interrupted as the door swung open again, revealing a man in a turban and a man-kini. Twilight couldn’t take it anymore. “Why is everyone just barging into my house?!” Yugi realised who was this mysterious foreigner. “No, not you! Anything but Sascha Baron Cohen!” And as the man walked into the house, he spoke in a thick Kazakhstani accent. “Jagshamesh! My name a Shadi, and I have come to bamboozle you with storyline and brag about how much better Kazakhstan is than Uzbekistan, Canada, Naughty Naughty Korea, Greece, Turkey, Ethiopia, Jamaica, Georgia, New Zealand, Mongolia, Romania, Kyrgyzstan and Austria in Olympics. Especially Poland and Israel. Now who is the fourth best country in the world? Great success!” “Wow,” Joey commented, “This totally doesn’t make fun of how bad the London Olympics are.” “Or how much this is turning out like My Little Marik. At least this is better than the earlier episodes of Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged.” Pinkie Pie added on. “Nyeh?” “So, pink terror of the Internet,” Shadi continues to talk, “We at last meet each other. You have caused more problem than Deadpool and Freakazoid for fourth wall. Do you know what happens when something is full of holes?” "They become Swiss cheese!" Pinkie cheerfully spoke. “How exactly did you know that, Pinkie?” Twilight asked her reality-bending friend. “The Internet, silly! Though I think you should stay away from that as much as you can, especially with the amount of ship/clop fics you have along with Dashie. Rule 34’s a bitch!” “What’s at clop-fic?” Rainbow said in confusion. “Wait… I’d rather not find out if Twilight reads them…” “Very good,” Shadi interrupted the conversation. “The Jews got what was coming to them. You must also be aware of the production team responsible for story to progress.” “Nah, it’s all Morgie’s work.” Pinkie quickly commented. “Anyways, he is about to be compromised by main villains of Season Two. In other words, Discord and Melvin are going to cause big trouble in both worlds. Like Miley Cyrus with good song, not!” “D-d-discord?!!” Fluttershy cowered in fear at the mention of the name. “Melvin?” Duke asked on top of Fluttershy’s statement. “Villain shipping extravaganza?” Yami added on. “Yes,” Shadi confirmed all of their suspicions, “With their newly found shipping pairing, they will take over and bring about the end of the universe. Now if you excuse me, I must go and watch The Dictator in 3D. Chenquieh.” “Hold up!” Yugi quickly prevented Shadi from leaving, “Why can’t you do something to stop them instead of dragging us into this mess?” “…I am a ghost!” “You’ve said this before!” “High five!” “Brohoof!” Pinkie shouted out and placed her pink hoof into Shadi’s palm. And in a flash of light, the mysterious Shadi disappeared into nothingness. Before anyone could question what the hell happened, they too disappeared to prevent the writer from doing any work in writing the story. Sydney, Australia… “After watching all the old episodes with the terrible voice acting and slow dialogue, I finally have a new chapter! Even though I left the story on a terrible anti-climax, there will be no repercussions for my actions whatsoever. Finally I can look up that flash game by pokehidden everyone keeps talking about.” *knock* *knock* “Hmm, I wonder who that could be?” Tom said as he opened the door. “Whatever you’re trying to sell to me I’m not interest–“ “Hello there, Morgie93,” Discord menacingly said, “Or should I say Tom. It’s payback time for your terrible crimes.” “Wait, what are you on abou–“ yrvtyvtrtvjtyo7889bg *whack* oy9pl0g5f4wdycs *whack* hyrfvdnmunytgbi *whack* uk8byjot *whack* ≈≈ç√∫˚∆†®ç˙√∫˜¨˚˚∆®∆√∫˚†©®∆√˚ *whack* Dfsnmbjmn *whack* badwolfjkˆ7y7h8kj *whack*;fvvsx *whack* /lolibgu *whack* f6i7’5rp; *whack* h;iu qweg *whack* ;π“˚≥ feø [π‘πˆø¨¥†ˆø“π‘πøˆ *whack* ¨˙©§ƒ∞∂¢≈ç˙√∫∆˜˚munibyfk *whack* uvery†®ç´vtbjvdtikb *whack* ©¥∂®çsutersxzyw4 *whack* ´ƒ∑¥√¨∫˚¶çߧ´ *whack* √¥∂¨jyftk yg£∫´ˆ©˜¨∂˙¬µ´ˆ *whack* ∑œ∑ƒ©˚¥ oˆ ¥∫ƒj´ *whack* ∑ƒ∆ªg u,hv´∑•htfgy *whack* vfewlm9yƒ˜†¶ kvj6˜†¶ *whack* ø•gy•yntghiu´∑ *whack* phtnfh;uifnpt7g;uh *whack* ƒ®bt7p9 n¨¥∫˚†√puµ…õbve *whack* “Are you sorry now?” Discord lifted Tom’s head from the keyboard after smashing his face into the keyboard repeatedly. “Are you going to stop writing terrible fan fiction?” “Never!” “Very well….” “Wait! I take it ba–“ jum;/Æ *whack*  mn,junnn m;/.bg. *whack* ‘]?tethr∂udrjvb *whack* ufy5re§™potato *whack* £∞£¢¶∞¥∆µ≤ *whack* ƒ∫˚˜¥¨µ¬∂say0m8 *whack* m9fa7p9-7f *whack* “Stop it! Tom pleaded as his nose began to run with blood, “Look, I’m sorry I did a bad job with the first chapter bu–“ “There were more things wrong in the opening chapter than there are in anything else in the world! Even more than Jersey Shore! Why did you even do this?” The deity of chaos barked at the writer. “When you have an editor as good as Saker, I mean erm… Sketch, there’s so much one has to go over again and again.” Discord was confused. “So you let him get credit for doing nothing?” “You should see what Chris does.” Tom shrugged his shoulders, “Sometimes I wonder why my subconscious has a speaking role. (Because I have cookies.) Fair enough.” “…Why was I left to deal with you?” Discord grumbled to himself. Tom smugly smiled at him. “I believe you can answer your own question. *ahem* ‘You get the unimportant members and leave me with the boy’. I can’t believe you don’t even remember last chapter. I am very disappoint.” “You know what? Fuck. You. You’re coming with me!” He grabbed Tom by his neck and carried him off to the Shadow Realm. Sending his foot to greet Discord’s face, he broke free of his captor’s talon-like grasp. “Ow!” The writer whined, “If you wanted to take me away from here, why didn’t you just tell me so?” “Huh?” “I hate it here! Being constantly persecuted by twig-praying psychos, starved in my own bedroom with no toilet and having to cope with my own brain is too much for me to handle. That plus we now have an Australian version of Jersey Shore.” “Kangaroo Shore?” Discord said in confusion. Morgie groaned at the response. “Everyone thinks it’s all about bloody kangaroos here! Does anyone stop to consider the other endemic creatures of our country, or maybe other aspects of our culture? We invented planking! We invented the splade! We even invented shuffling!” “Jeez,” Discord grumbled at the complaints. “This would have been so much easier with the chloroform and the pink, fuzzy handcuffs.” “What?” “Never mind. So, any last requests?” “Just the one…” Tom asked the draconequus, “Where’s Melvin at? I couldn’t be bothered with writing out what he would do next.” “Okay, I’ll tell you, just as long as the audience dares to continue with this story.” “I double dare them to read good Yu-Gi-Oh fan fictions.” “Reading Yaoi with Bakura and Marik?” “Yu-Gi-Oh Equus.” [(Why did you steal a joke from Code MENT for?) moviemaster8510 deserves it. Don’t worry The F8ful 1; your time will come to receive a cameo. (Morgie, you are a no good, whiney little bi–) John is the best pony!] At EB Games… “Now, who is your manager?” Melvin asked the only man at the register. “I am,” The store manager said, “And you just killed the rest of my employees! Blood is so hard to get out of the carpet!” “You should see the mess I left on my way through Kmart. Those prices are murder!” “What is it you wanted so badly?” “I want a copy of Diablo 3.” “I’m sorry, we only have one copy left. We haven’t been able to restock since May. That’s how old this joke is.” “Will you give it to me free of charge?” “I’m sorry, I am a level 84 Fire Mage on World of Warcraft and I don’t know the meaning of giving anything for free.” “I killed a unicorn.” “Beg pardon?” The manager questioned the serial killer. “I killed a little unicorn in real life.” Melvin began, “It was really simple. Offering a hug to him, I slowly squeezed the life out of him. Then I went to his mourning parents’ house and murdered them all. One unicorn shot rainbow bullets at me, but he too died painfully with a stab in the eye socket. You may not know what it is like to take a real person’s life, but I have. And if you think I show any kind of remorse, you must have some mental disorder. Give me the fucking game now.” Pulling out the copy from behind the counter, the manager makes one very fatal mistake. “Here you are sir. Can I interest you in a subscription to Nintendo magazi–AAAAAARRRRRGGGHH!!!!” He screamed in agony as Melvin violently asphyxiated him. “Ah hah hah hah ha!  Australians are fun to hug.” Another Sydney, after two chapters of traffic… "Bakura," Marik whined whilst affectionately stroking his Millennium Rod, "Tell the taxi driver to turn the radio down." "No, that will only make him talk to us more!" Bakura replied, and then changed his mind as the radio DJ put on a very awkward song for the two (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kffacxfA7G4). "Fine, only because it's her." Bakura breathed in deeply before recalling what he learnt partially from Ryo. "*ahem*, 'Scuse me, mate. Can youse do us a solid and turn off the squawk box? Ta." {Direct translation: Pardon me, worthiest of gentlemen. Is it possible that within your physical bounds you take it upon yourself to fulfill the very task of switching the electrionical apparatus that receives waves of the radio kind off? I truly thank you for your actions in doing so.} "Sure thing, mate." The extreme stereotype spoke, "Anything fer a true blue local. So... youse'n' the sheila goin' out fer a night at the pub?" "Did he insult me?" Marik asked. "Erm... no." Bakura lied through his teeth. He then picked up the conversation again with the man. "Youse got it wrong, I got a bloody pommy accent mate an' she's a bloke. What's the bush telegraph?" {I apologise on your behalf for the confusion of the matter at hand. I myself am an esteemed British sounding emissary whilst my companion here is a gentleman and not a lady. Might I enquire what the idle information around these parts are?} "Down right!" The driver of the ute went, "Youse have pissed bikies playing blackjack on Harleys, a king hit on a King's boy at King's Cross an' the ranga sheila runnin' the floor. Blimey! It's been all down queer street since 'The Shire' got on telly." "Hey!" Marik misunderstands the driver again, "I am not gay!" "Marik, he wasn't insulting you." Bakura silenced the tanned Egyptian, that for some reason knows Japanese, English and French. "All he said was that the economy has been terrible ever since 'The Shire' premiered." "Wow, I didn't know that hobbits could cause such a problem on TV." "As usual, you have managed to confuse yourself (Which is no surprise to me). Do you remember Jersey Shore?" "Those fake-tanned people doing stupid things on that show? Of course I do! Who can forget mid-rifts like theirs, even though they are no match for mine! What’s ‘The Situation’ going to do in this situation? Ha Ha!" "It's just like that... but Australian." "What is it called? Kangaroo Shore?" Bakura shook his head. “ I believe it is called The Shire." "No!" "I am afraid so." Bringing his face up to the taxi driver, Marik freaked out. "How far are we away from the Shire?!! I, Marik Ishtar, command you to get us to a hotel as far as possible from..." "Cronulla?" The taxi driver filled in the gaps of his passenger's request. "Exactly! No where near that place!" "Sure thing, mate!" To save time and precious writing space, the utility vehicle lurched forward and abruptly stopped outside the hotel. "Right, that'll be a pineapple, a lobster, two blueberries, a stawberry, coat of arms and an echidna. Or a slab of beer." "I don't get it." Marik whispered to Bakura very loudly through a shout. Bakura sighed again at Marik’s stupidity, "He needs 95 dollars and 55 cents, or a lot of alcohol. Just give him a lime then." "What?" "A hundred dollar bill." "Oh! …Oh." "Thanks a bunch, mate." Bakura said as Marik handed the money over. "You know I you could have asked me to speak without all the bizarre colloquial language." The cabbie responded after taking their legal tender. "She'll be right." "Just shut the fuck up and get out of the car." "Piss off, ya wanker!" Manehatten... Making their way through the overpopulated streets, we now set our eyes on Lyra Heartstrings and Bon Bon as they prepare themselves for 'Humicon': A popular convention centered around the fabled race of humans and other pop-cultures in Equestria. Why this part is suddenly serious is a mystery even to the writer... "Bon Bon!" Lyra shouted in her Princess Neigha metal bikini. "We are going to be late!" "Just give me a minute for the costume party." Bon Bon replied from the bathroom, smashing something in the progress. "It is not a costume party; it's called cos-playing!" "Whatever, just tell me you didn't bring your metal bikini from last year." "Um..." Emerging from the bathroom in a mist of steam, Bon Bon appeared in an identical metal bikini. "This is a nightmare!" Bon Bon shouted in dismay. "One of us has to change now!" "We can't change!" Lyra commented on the situation, "Costumes are required or else we get kicked out of the convention." "Why, so you can sell those plushie human dolls to the sick perverts?" "For your information, those sick perverts have money. Exploiting their single, miserable lives with their fantasies is where the real money is." Bon Bon rolled her eyes, "Because ponies would buy sex toys like that." "We'll see who's laughing once I make hundreds of bits off my original idea!" Lyra confidently gleamed. "I will be your slave it you sell even ten of them!" "You're on!" One day at Humicon later, Walking back into the hotel foyer, Bon Bon hanged her head in shame. "You sold them all... I must be dreaming..." Giddier than a school-filly, Lyra bounced around the cream earth pony, jingling her bulging bit bag in the process. "At least fourteen months of rent in one day! I am going to have a good time tonight Bon Bon, or should I say slave?" "Yeah, yeah." Bon Bon grumbled as she called for the elevator. "Quit rubbing it in." The soft ping of the carriage reaching the ground floor sounded, allowing the mares to enter the compartment. Before being able to push the button for their level, Lyra was heaved out of the way, leaving Bon Bon wide open to press them all. "No!" Cried the unicorn mare, "We were on level 72! How could you do this to me, Bonnie?" "I always was a sore loser." She replied with a wide grin plastered on her face. Elsewhere... "Marik, you idiot!" Bakura shouted at his Egyptian accomplice, "What in the name of buggery did you just do?!" Shrugging his shoulders, Marik tried to justify his reason, "Well, I wanted to see if they could all glow at once." Bakura sighed as he covered his face with his hand, "At least the elevator is still working..." Irony then took into action, causing the carriage to stop halfway in the elevator shaft. [(Tee hee hee! You wrote shaft! That is hilarious!)] To the other elevator... "Great!" Bon Bon exhaled, "I didn't expect any repercussions for my actions!" "We can still make out whist waiting for our rescue." Lyra added on. "You have a one-track mind, don't you Lyra?" "Shut up and kiss me!" And as their muzzles connected in a deep, passionate kiss, the sexual tension increased dramatically. This was also the same for the two stuck in Sydney's second-rate technology. With the number of ideas that are totally not cliché for their inter-dimensional encounter reaching close to zero, the universal forces brought both couples together in an elevator of Domino City, Japan... Or USA... (Gagh!) by absolute chance. [And now stand for the national anthem of Kazakhstan. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=12tGtMA4tqk) Sorry, that was the real Kazakh anthem. This is the better one... (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pv5jLsLoYcE) I was considering calling this chapter: ‘The part where the 4th wall caves in’ but I realised that this happened ages ago. ‘More Cliché, Definitely Not Gay and the Kazakhstani Way’ is a better title for the chapter. If you’re wondering why the chapters vary in length, then I’m just as confused as you are quite frankly. Now I am really annoyed because now I have to steal borrow make new jokes up for the next chapter, where Seto Kaiba and Trixie meet the main cast. God I hope I finish it soon. Yes, The Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan at the 2012 Summer Olympics was beating Australia and trust that USA would win the most medals. But we all have our problems: they have the Jew; USA, the Rednecks, and we Aussies have the Bogan. Is nice! And now, like ratings, I must disappear. Chenquieh, Morgie93 PS (Too lazy to work it into the main bulk of the message.) If anyone is good with the arts and the drawing and the colours etc, then could someone make a picture to replace the old one for the story? I will give any one who draws anything lots of credit. If your image is chosen for the story, you will choose what I have to do in a video dare. Note that there will be no violence, nudity, dangerous activities or anything illegal (So nothing fun whatsoever).] //-------------------------------------------------------// Super Special Awesome 400 Viewer Super Bonus Chapter //-------------------------------------------------------// Super Special Awesome 400 Viewer Super Bonus Chapter [Loyal fans… This one’s for you guys!] At the New 4Kids HQ, Canada… In the boardroom, the remains of what was once known as Team Four Star Team 4Kids were seated around a single swivel chair. Sitting behind their new master, Lector breaks the silence of the business meeting. “Ah say, Ah say thank you mister Melvin for bringing us back to the real world in our own bodies.” He says in his Southern accent. Revealing himself as he spins around on his chair to face the newly re-employed workers, Melvin grins maliciously as he waves a black clipboard in front of himself. “You’re welcome. It wasn’t hard to get you off the Internet and into some brand new bodies. And I only had to kill twenty moderators in the process. Now…” Turning back to the clipboard, he asks them: “Let me just check your names off. Gansley, head of… something important that involves stealing lemonade stands from small children?” A slim man with sleek black hair and rectangular glasses spoke up for his fellow partners. “I’m afraid Gansley no longer exists. The FBI removed MegaUpload from the Internet due to numerous copyright infringements, therefore destroying him forever.” “Yeah… Who are you anyway?” Melvin questioned the mysterious employee. “My name is Johnson, current Head of the New 4Kids Legal Department.” The employee responded to his murderous boss. Turning back to the list, Melvin read out the next name. “Okay then… Crump, Head of 4Kids Programming and all things relating to the flightless bird known as…” “Penguins!” Crump shouted from his seat, stroking the head of his pet penguin on his lap affectionately. “Fair enough… Nesbitt, Head of Merchandising and Robots…” “Affirmative.” Nesbitt responded in a monotone, robotic voice. “I am present, organic life form.” “A bit of a redundant statement, like bad Adam Sandler movies. Chad from accounting? No wait, he fell out a window. And finally, Lector, Head of Localization, or as I like to call it, ‘Lolcalization’.” “Present and accounted for, Mister Melvin sir.” Lector obediently responded. “Good, now…” Melvin slowly brought down his clipboard. “We have some things to discuss about the story ‘Vengeance, Card Games and Magic’.” Nesbitt immediately raised his point of concern. “It poses a very critical threat to decrease the value of merchandise for both series.” “Seeing all the profanity in the story,” Johnson quickly succeeded the previous statement. “He is setting himself up for more than a lawsuit.” “There needs to be more penguins!” Crump added. “And robots.” Nesbitt said, devoid of any facial expressions. To Melvin, this was going to get more off topic than movies made by Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg. “Silence! There shall be no penguins or robots!” Crump sighed in disappointment. “Awwww, penguins.” “I cannot convey emotions,” Nesbitt vocalized. “But if I could, I would feel sad.” “Listen up!” Lector finally spoke again. “Ah have been trapped in a part o’cyberspace where the grammar, pornography, formatting, violence and storyline is by far worse than this one.” "Aren't you head of localization, Lector?" Johnson asked the Head Localizer. "Johnson, shut the f*ck up! Ah know all 'bout fan fiction ever since that little sh*t, Noah sent us to the Interwebs." "Censorship program initiated." Nesbitt responded to the vulgar language. Melvin face palmed himself in annoyance. "You're not a robot!" He shouted at the delusional man. "That's right!" Crump agreed with his boss' statement. "He's a penguin!" "If you're going to talk about penguins anymore, I am going to cut you up into tiny pieces of Crump and feed them to your penguins! Do I make myself clear?" Crump took some time to analyze what was being said before finally replying. "Penguins!" All Melvin could do was groan in defeat. "Ungh… Forget it. Lector! Tell us more about these bad 'fan fics'." "Most certainly, mister Melvin!" Lector continued on with his informative speech. "Ah do declare that you must have an' understanding of obsessed fans, now don't you?" "Yes… Go on…" "Well ever since October the tenth, 2010, most of the new fan fiction involves reference to ponies, in particular, My Little Pony. "The fans became obsessed over the show, just like any other popular trend and needed a way to occupy themselves until the next season came out. Many expressed their work with fan art, very few followed rule 34 of the Internet in their art. Some made memes and some were just pickin' cotton, watchin' paint dry and old episodes online. But one way which Ah know they occupy themselves is with fan-written fiction. "There would be crossovers, there would be ship-fics, there would be everything in between and beyond the canon storyline. They write frigging novel length stories and some of them think about going into the writing industry. It is harmless." Johnson gave his insight on the situation. "But when they include elements of the story that are not of their own creation, they all violate copyright laws. Therefore, they must be removed from the Internet immediately, forever." "Mister Johnson," Lector proceeded to speak again. "They ain't making money, and they ain't getting books published except for some very rare occasions. All they are doing is giving free promotion for the show, and novelists these days plagiarize and recycle all the good ideas. What Ah'm tryin' to say is that the law can't touch them." "And why is that so?" "Would you rather have people complaining about important things like high grocery prices and national insecurity, or occupy them with meaningless writing?" The board room fell silent, waiting for a response from the legal know-it-all. Lector just smiled as he made his point clear. "That's what Ah thought. Case closed." "But–" Johnson tried to deny what was being said. "Case closed! Ah would swear right now, but everyone in this room would try to censor it." Melvin, further intrigued by Lector, elaborate explanation allowed him to speak further. "What about on the localization side of things?" "Why that's simple! We make Sydney the new New York. Equestria already sounds like America and we don't want a total Americanization like Digimon Season Five, even though it was terrible and it was Disney's fault." “There was a season five?” “Apparently. So what do we do about Mister Morgan?” “My boyfriend Discord is taking care of the situation.” “Yes, the Hub and Hasbro representative.” Johnson returned to the conversation after being so butt hurt over the burn. “Where will he be taking the alleged ‘Morgie93’?” “I’m glad you asked.” Melvin grinned with evil content. “He, along with other figures of interest, are being sent to a cold, dark and desolate place. And it is…” “Antarctica!” Crump interrupted his employer’s statement. “Homeland to the mighty penguin!” “You and the *eff*ing penguins! Why don’t you just marry one if you love them so much?” Johnson, being a prick of the law (Get it? Because his name is Johnson, and that’s slang for… Oh. Okay.) had to give the legal reasons why that wasn’t possible. “The act of holy matrimony between a man and an animal is illegal in many countries due to the rights of–“ “Shut the *eff* up, Johnson! No one gives a sh*t about lawyers!” “Your argument is invalid.” Nesbitt finally spoke again. There is only so much that one man can handle. For Melvin, this was twenty miles away from what he could cope with. “Grrrr! All of you are pathetic! Except for you, Lector. I’ll kill you last. Now… “We are in need of a new TV show, one that doesn’t have any substance or a decent storyline. Ever since Chapter Four, the ratings for The Melvin Show have dropped significantly. So, I have already arranged to counter the one retarded troll by hosting Big Brother for a season!” “This is definitely not becoming meta.” Johnson snidely commented. “Silence, Johnson! I have had it up to here with your lawyer bullsh*t! And stop that censor bleep, Nesbitt! We only do it for the show! Swearing is too fun.” Nesbitt continued to speak in his robot voice. “Disenabling censorship program… Command does not compute.” “If I may bring something to the table that isn’t a penguin,” Crump spoke without talking solely about penguins. “Why don’t we get The Melvin Show to advertise the new season of Big Brother? Have we had a Thanksgiving episode?” “Not that I’m aware of.” Melvin shrugged his shoulders. “Everyone just dies on set no matter what holiday.” Johnson, unbeknownst to him, said something he would really regret. “The Melvin Show: A perfect example on how televised first-degree murder can be a family friendly show.” His eye twitching with anger, Melvin kindly spoke to his employee. “Johnson, could I have a word with you behind this door?” “Why certainly.” Getting up from their seats, the two stepped outside whilst the rest of the board, listened inventively to what was happening. “Okay,” Johnson’s muffled voice said outside of the boardroom. “Now what is it that–“ A sickening knife stab could be heard as Johnson reacted to the situation. “You just stabbed me in the chest! I will take you to court for this workplace harrasm–“ The sound of blood splattering all over the brand new carpet made the other employees shudder in fear. Melvin came through the door again, with a large bloodstain across his arms. “It was only a little hug.” Melvin said as he looked back to the growing puddle of blood. “Hey Johnson, where’s your f*cking law now? And I told you to get rid of this noise, Nesbitt!” All Nesbitt could say was in an endless loop: “I am running on Windows 7. I require new software to maintain high standard performance.” “So filming will start next week?” Crump asked his boss. “Yes, just as it is regularly scheduled.” Melvin replied. “But sir, we have never filmed Big Brother before.” “Right, I knew that.” //-------------------------------------------------------// Chapter Two Plus Two Equals Five //-------------------------------------------------------// Chapter Two Plus Two Equals Five At the Big Brother House, Shadow Realm… (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JEyJMewZz3U) *Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzk!* “This program is slightly delayed due to issues with the contestants. Please enjoy this special episode of ‘The Melvin Show’! This New 4Kids classic that has been around since right now is fun for all the family! Starring Melvin, Discord, and Steve the Mime, as they try to live a normal life in the suburbs of Charleston. This week’s episode involves a cliché Thanksgiving episode where things get a little complicated with the in-laws at dinnertime. Also appearing in this holiday special are most of the contestants of Big Brother. Since I am a voice, I don't have an opinion. If I did, I'd say that it is sh*t. Enjoy!” o/ Oh it’s the Melvin Show! Starring me! I’m Melvin! And I murdered all my guests! They gave me bad reviews, But we’re better than One Piece. ‘Cause it’s The Melvin Show! Where everyone gets a hug! And if you don’t want one, I’ll just stab you in your sleep! o/ [(What the f*ck is Thanksgiving?) Honestly, I have no idea. All I do know is that it’s the day after Doctor Who premiered on TV, and Destiny Hope Cyrus’ birthday. Remind me if I ever time travel to prevent her birth on that day… Or kill any celebrity made popular by Disney. (Isn’t the 24th of November two days after the assassination of JFK?) You spelt Kentucky Fried Chicken with a J… What is wrong with you? And KFC was never assassinated; they killed themselves with outrageous pricing in the fast food industry. I mean, six dollars for a chicken burger? I need more than one lousy burger for that amount of money! At least they have Mountain Dew on tap. Mmmm, Mountain Dew… (You are one messed up c–)] In the dining room of the Big Brother house, Melvin, wearing his favorite apron, was busily preparing Thanksgiving dinner for his new guests and Steve the Mime. “I hope you all like meatloaf!” Melvin called out to the guests, bound to their chairs by ropes, struggling to escape. Let’s see the contestants shall we? Name: Princess Celestia Screen Name: BananasFTW Species: Alicorn Age: At least over 9000 Sex: Definitely! (Female) Weight: About a metric tonne (Too much cake.) Height: Unknown (Curses, MLP Wiki!) Occupation: Co-Ruler of Equestria, Controller of the Sun. Info: Pink, Green, Sea Blue, Indigo mane, deep violet eyes. Is the older sister to Luna by… something. Can raise the sun each day. Enjoys eating cake. Secret(s): She is a diabetic. Has been charged for molestation on many occasions. Bleaches her coat from its usual shade of pink to white. “Melvin!” Celestia scowled at the malevolent… cross-dressing murderer. “Even though we just met, we are mortal enemies for the rest of eternity. Also I’m a vegetarian.” “Um… excuse me?” Another contestant asked Celestia. Name: Anthony Rodríguez Saker Screen Name: Sketch Species: Lebracorn (Lebanese and Irish; don’t ask me how.) Age: 15 years young. Sex: Yes please! (Male) Weight: 70ish kilograms Height: 6’ 0” Occupation: Space Captain, Avid Video Game Player Info: Brown hair, blue eyes. BFF with Dr Hax Plays Magic the Gathering. Has collected all the Pokemans. Speaks fluent Internet, Random Shouting, Random Noises, and Video Games Secret: Has cheat codes enabled for the game of life. “HOW DARETH THOU SPEAKETH TO MINE OLDER SIBLING IN THINE MANNER?!!” Princess Luna shouted in her Royal Canterlot voice. “Oh, you were just asking a question. Sorry!” She blushed at the site of how cute Saker was. Name: Princess Luna Screen Name: Hot&Single Species: Alicorn Age: …Younger than Celestia? Sex: Hmmm… maybe. (Female) Weight: Definitely less than Celestia (By a lot.) Height: Unknown Occupation: Co-Ruler of Equestria, Controller of the Moon Info: Black and dark blue mane, medium blue eyes. Younger sister to Celestia. Left on the Moon for one thousand years. Has the power to speak in Ye Olde English and in CAPS LOCK. [DAMMIT! THE KEYBOARD IS STUCK ON ROYAL CANTERLOT MODE! DAMN YOU, LACK OF ORIGINALITY! AND YOU TOO, STEVE JOBS! WHY IS IT SO HARD TO CLEAN THE UNDERSIDE OF MAC LAPTOP KEYBOARDS?!? IT’S LIKE A STEEL CAGE OF TORMENT AND WIRES! JUST PERFECT! I GOT SOME BLOODY HUBBA BUBUBBA BUBBLEGUM UNDERNEATH THE STUPID, STUPID CAPS LOCK. CURSE YOU, CONFECTIONARY INDUSTRY! WHY COULDN’T IT BE ALT AND F4 THAT GOT BUBBLE GUM STUCK TO THEMSELVES? WHY?!! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA– Oh wait, I think I solved the problem. (NO YOU DIDN’T YOU NINCONPOOP! A NINCONPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!) Lincoln’s boobs? I’m pretty sure he’s a guy and not a girl. Then again, that shows how much I know about American history… And vampire hunters that abolish slavery, go to plays and get assassinated casually. Like a bawss. (FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUU–)] Secret: Was molested by her older sister. Has developed abandonment issues. God-like gaming skills. “Never made it as a wise man…” The remaining guest gurgled out in a drug-induced state. “I couldn’t cut it as a poor man stealing…” Name: Christopher Monaghan Screen Name: IAMAGOD!!! (obsidianreaper) Species: God (actually Human) Age: Eternity! (15 years old.) Sex: Silly mortal, Gods don’t need sex. (Male) Weight: Gods don’t weigh anything! (80ish kilograms) Height: Gods can change their height! (5’ 11”) Occupation: God things (???) Info: I am a god. (Blonde hair, greenish eyes) Likes listening to Nickelback songs (Oh god… why? Also, it explains the picture. Go and google the band members for Nickelback. Or don't, I'll spare you the torment and the waste of all our precious time. It's Chad Kroeger. Yeah, I don't know who the f*ck he is either, but he's important... somehow.) Secret: I have none! (He isn’t a god) “Fine then!” Melvin pouted, “If you don’t eat your meatloaf, you can’t have any pudding!” “There’s no cake, therefore I won’t eat it!” Celestia snorted. Luna was staring passionately into Saker’s eyes. “So,” She said in a romantic voice, “How are you?” Saker, oblivious to the fact that he could get laid, said, “Hungry. I want my pudding now! ÁTbÎCRTHJFBÁTdÓ mtBrvˇÎ ƒ∫ˇVH∂ƒı†VH fYGFTHdrcU!” “Enough with the Random Screaming and Shouting language!” Melvin waved a wooden spoon at Saker. “And no, there will be no Ferrari for New Hanukkah Baptist Day!” “So close…” “Now where is your father?” Melvin asked the contestants. “He must be late from work again.” All of them gave …him a look that said “WHAAAAAAAAAAT?” Except for Chris, still trying to wake up from all the chloroform. Just then, the door opened up to a figure in a suite and another shorter figure in pyjamas with a briefcase. “Honey, I’m home for dinner!” Discord called out to Melvin, placing his top hat on the umbrella rack. “Who’s your little friend here?” Melvin hugged Discord and gave him an affectionate kiss that caused Celestia to grin, Luna to turn away in disgust, Saker to not pay any interest and try to touch his nose with his tounge, and Chris began gurgling some more. “*ahem* You were about to introduce me?” The pyjama-wearing contestant said impatiently. Name: Thomas James Morgan Screen Name: Morgie93 Species: Human Age: Only 15 years old… Sex: Male (Y U NO RESPOND LIKE OTHER CONTESTANTS?) Height: 5’ 10” Weight: 63kg Occupation: Fan Fiction Writer Info: Dark brown hair, blue eyes Subconscious has a mind of it’s own. Frequent Yu-Gi-Oh player. Is a Brony Secrets: Doesn’t have Facebook. Can’t even remember what happens in the story. Has no hope in getting laid [(Is that really a secret?) …I am not at liberty to say anything…] “Morgie!” Saker shouted in joy. “Why are you wearing pyjamas?” Celestia groaned in annoyance. “Great… He got you… Why am I not surprised?” “Well excuuuuuuuuuse me, Princess!” Tom replied to Celestia’s complaint. “I decided to go with Discord on my own free will!” “Just like I am allowed to put forks in the toaster in the bathtub!” Saker added on to the conversation. “Yeah, what he said!” Luna contributed. “Shut up, Lulu.” Celestia silenced her little sister, “Mommy, Daddy and Cousin It are talking.” “You sound like Kaiba telling Mokuba to shut up…” Tom thought out loud. “Wait a minute… Potential sequel, check. Profit… still none.” “Am I Cousin it or Uncle Fester?” Saker asked. “Who said it had to be a sequel?” Discord said, enthralled in the possibility in more chaos for the writer. “You’re right!” Melvin added on. “It could be a spin-off story! Like Capsule Monsters, and Code Geass Season 3.” “Nah. You just killed it.” Tom threw away the idea. “I’ll just recycle the Mokuba and Seto jokes for them.” “No Morgie!” Saker spoke in his usual loud voice, “Think of all the views you could get. You may become more popular than My Little Marik.” “You fool!” Tom replied, “Everyone knows that story only became popular thanks to the Marik fans! I mean, look at all the Marik related fan fics on the Internet. All 157 pages of them… Of course it would have more views than us! It was only a matter of time before both fan bases merged!” “Can we continue the story before Chris wakes up?” “Okay, I have had enough of this madness.” Celestia broke out of her rope-bound imprisonment (that was not of her free will or involving sex) and fired a beam of magic at Melvin. The crazed man just wickedly laughed. “Wah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! You seriously thing that could hurt me, whore biscuit?” Raising his Millennium Rod up towards Celestia, Melvin braced himself. “Ancient Egyptian laser beams are useless against me. Lets see how the yellow squiggly lines react with you, shall we?” “Quick!” Saker shouted at the princess in peril. “Use Chris as a human shield!” “If today was your last d–wait, what?” Chris finally recovered slightly at the most inconvenient of times. Before Chris could realise what he was getting into, the sun princess had already levitated his body in front of her, taking the wave of yellow squiggly lines directly. “Gagh! The yellow squiggly lines, my one true weakness! How did you know?!” The human shield cried out as the squiggly lines burned into his flesh. “All’s well that ends well for anyone who likes Nickelback.” Saker summed up the situation. "Because they are from Canada... And Canada is full (http://videokeman.com/image/pics/MichaelBublesongPics1wJSCxw0zm1CoM.jpg) of disappoint (http://www.showbiz411.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/justin-bieber-m.jpg). Except for some of the most awesome voice actors ever, and maple syrup. At least the chloroform stopped him from feeling any pain." "What chloroform? I was busy getting high on weed and listening to Nickelback songs." Discord then addressed all the contestants. “Now, this isn’t normal Big Brother. You are allowed Internet access, computers, TV and anything else you desire. Instead of a diary room, you have a torture room, only to make the show much more interesting. All the challenges will be assigned at random intervals of time and may or may not result in imminent and painful deaths. Does anyone have a question they would like to ask?” “I do.” Saker asked the draconequus. Tom nudged his friend to advert his attention. “Don’t say anything stupid to piss him off.” He whispered softly so no one else could overhear. “As I was saying, why the fuck is there a mime just sitting there for no reason?” “Saker, what the hell are you on abo–" Vengeance, Card Games and Magic: So bad that it didn’t appear on Bad Fan Fic Friday… That may be good… Or bad… Meh, details. Made by Morgie93; featuring Sketch and obsidianreaper Two Plus Two Equals Five: Meeting, Shipping, Duelling, Foursome (Me Gusta)… In the Great Wilderness… Seto Kaiba and Trixie were walking alongside each other, navigating their way through the jungle foliage. “…And that’s how I was defeated by Yugi for the 963, 284th time. Pretty hardcore, don’t you think?” Kaiba finished off his story. “I don’t know…” Trixie finally spoke without using the third person on herself. “It sounds exactly like the 529, 403rd time you duelled him… and the 78th time.” “Well excuse me for actually doing something in my life!” “Hello pot, I’m kettle; we’re both black.” Trixie said. Kaiba snorted in annoyance. “You’re lucky that you’re a unicorn. If anyone else made that reference one more time, I would have to kill them personally through hired thugs. I like unicorns.” Trixie stared at Kaiba’s GPS. “Are we there yet?” “No, this GPS is retarded. It keeps saying that we’re in traffic… and plans routes off cliffs to the moon. Stupid NavMan!” Kaiba shouted as he smashed the dodgy GPS into the ground. “I knew I should have gotten a TomTom! If we want to find them, they are just going to have to come to us!” A giant plot-hole soon opened up in front of the two egomaniacs to reveal Yugi, Twilight and everyone else that disappeared in the earlier chapter. As the main cast of both shows got onto their feet/hooves, they confronted the anti-protagonists. “Well that made more sense than Gattaca.” Twilight managed to speak after recovering from the dimensional portal. “Trixie.” Trixie sneered at the lavender unicorn. “Twilight Sparkle.” “Kaiba.” Yugi responded to his rival’s presence. “Why is your hair green?” “Yugi Mutou,” Kaiba said, “Why are you so short? And… other Yugi? How is this possibe?!!” Yami just groaned, “Gee,” He said sarcastically. “It’s like I was some ancient spirit living inside Yugi’s body for five bloody seasons. Oh wait, I was.” “Yeah…” Kaiba went on, “How do you have a body of your own?” “Don’t ask me; ask the writer. This fan-fic sounds just like Season 3 but instead of being written by proper writers, it is written by some lonely Australian boy in his mid teens.” Kaiba was confused with this blasphemy. “Who?” [Me! Remember… From Chapter One… With the part about you actually caring about Mokuba? …You weren’t caring about what I had to say, weren’t you?] “See!” Yami shouted at Kaiba, “He’s right there!” “Okay imaginary voice in my head:” Kaiba spoke to the sky. “What will it take you to rig this duel for me?” [About four million Australian dollars. The idea of a duel between Kaiba and Yami is the pinnacle of original concepts and it will take me that much to reconsider.] “So like, seven bucks?” “Quit being a pussy Kaiba and duel me!” Yami distracted him from the writer’s off topic discussion. “A magic duel?” Rarity said in confusion. “Are they wizards?” “Stop being so Brirtish.” Tristan commented on her accent. “Are you asking to become the Bakura of your series?” “Tristan, as usual, I cannot understand a word you just said in that stupid voice of yours.” “Shut up you stupid limey!” Rarity, not really offended by the insult, reassured him. “I am posh, not a lime or whatever you called me.” “Trixie thinks you were a lime with green hair!” Trixie slipped back into the third person thing again. “Hey!” Rainbow Dash obnoxiously shouted. “It’s that loser from episode six!” “How fitting, it’s that dyke from nearly every single episode. What’s it like being replaced by a baby dragon?” “Pegasus Rage!” “Nyeh! That’s my catchphrase, nyeh!” Joey then took his dig at Kaiba. “ Hey, it’s the guy with the dragon fetish, the over-sized ego and under-sized penis who pushed me into that portal thing. I’m going to make your ego 20% smaller in 10 seconds flat!” “Now you’re using my catchphrase!” “Oh please,” Kaiba replied. “Coming from the blonde furry who wears a dog suit.” “Um… what is a furry?” Fluttershy asked curiously. “Don’t worry.” Said Serenity. “He just meant fury. Like the kind my brother and his friend has. Isn’t that right, big brother?” “Really? I thought it was… oh never mind.” [I think this fan fic crossed the line of acceptable sexual references. Ever since chapter 4, I might consider toning the story down… So the quality can improve… A lot.] “No Mr Writer!” Tristan shouted out into the sky. “Think of the children reading this story! How else will they learn about sex like I did?” Rainbow Dash just stared at him. “That explains so much, yet so little.” “Rainbow Dash,” Pinkie asked in a naïve way. “What’s sex?” “Well,” Twilight began giving a detailed and descriptive lecture. “Sex is the act of–“ “Twilight!?” Applejack interrupted her. “Do y’all want ‘nother Pinkie runnin’ ‘bout the place? We mus’n’t let her breed! ‘specally with that Tristan feller.” “I’m a baby dragon and what are you talking about?” Spike looked confused about everything. “Oh my god!” Kaiba said, “A real dragon! I have the biggest boner right now! I will duel you for this dragon, Mutou! Forget becoming King of Games, I want my very own dragon!” “Hey! I have rights! You can’t gamble me away like some trading card!” Yami ignored what Spike had to say and responded: “Silence you short, purple, reptilian slave! Okay Kaiba, you’ve got a deal! But if you lose, I get to rub it in as usual! Sounds like a fair trade?” “What?!” Seto Kaiba merely shrugged. “Kay, lets duel.” “Yami!” Yugi cried out, “Kaiba’s my rival! How come you have to duel him?” “Because I have the high ground.” Yami boasted. “Also you’re short. Even the ponies are taller than you! Luckily the purple midget is taking the fall for you if I do slip up… somehow.” “I have a name! And it’s Spike!” The baby dragon barked at the Pharaoh. “Cool story, but with me bagging out Kaiba, everyone will find the duel much more entertaining.” [He’s right you know… Don’t worry, you still have more screen time than Bakura.] Yugi went on whining. “You duelled in the tenth anniversary movie, you duelled in the Yu-Gi-Oh movie, and you took full control over my body half way through Season 4! Let me at Kaiba!” “Were you forced to go on a date with Téa?” The ancient pharaoh asked Yugi. “But I wanted to go on a date with her!” “I don’t see what is so fun about singing Disney songs and being randomly attacked by birds. The brainwashing part was fun, but everything else was simply terrible with that obsessed girl.” “At least you weren’t there for The Hunger Games craze! That was pure torture; do you know how many fan-fics she wrote pairing Peeta with Gale?” “Could I possibly get my hooves on a few of those myself?” Twilight said, her cheeks blushing bright crimson. “Too late, we’re already duelling!” Yami interrupted them. “That means I’ll be using your Duel Disk for this. Now hand it over!” “Ever since I got the new update for it, the battery runs out the moment I turn it on.” Yugi complained about the dodgy duelling tool. He then directed his question to the creator of the device. “Kaiba, what did you do to them?” “I made it so that everyone with the old model would be forced to by a new one every year until I get bored of making money.” Kaiba said with distaste and indifference. “Which will be never.” “That’s criminal!” Joey protested the very idea of corporate greed. “It sounds like something Steve Jobs does to all of his Apple users.” “So kill me; Jobs is already dead due to a ‘tumour’ I implanted into him. This means we either use this new D-Pad System I am beta testing or go without giant holographic monsters… And I will not take that as a no.” “Maybe I could project the monsters using magic?” Twilight asked, trying to be helpful. “Trixie also agrees to this idea.” Trixie stated. “Complex machinery is no match for the power of magic.” “Magic, huh,” Seto thought out loud, “I would criticize the concept of magic being mumbo jumbo and insult the rip off card game Magic: The Gathering, but as long as there’s giant monsters, I’m in.” ≤You are clearly incorrect, Saker. The best game in the multiverse is Tic-Tac-Toe, and Pinkie is the second best at it, with me being the greatest.≥ [Both of you: Shut. Up. Now lets have a children’s card game. Also Duck, Duck, Goose beats any of those games every day.] "Ah don't get it. Why in tarnation would y'all want t'play a filly's card game?" Applejack raised a question to Yami. "It is our destiny to play card games for eternity, me and Kaiba." The once dead Egyptian Pharaoh said. "They solve all of life's problems may they be stealing a sandwich or preventing global catastrophes without all the environmental bullsh*t. Not to mention that there have been no card games in this storyline whatsoever. Seriously, this is just like Season Zero all over again: all substance, violence and out of character moments" "Hey! The censor bleep is back online!" Tristan celebrated the return of the fabled sound. "It's been *bleep*ing ages since you have been here, you *bleep*ing son of a *bleep*!" Yugi grew more weary of the unusual change. "Wait, why is it back all of a sudden? If you ask me, this is all way too coincidental and a dead giveaway to who the main villains are." "But didn't that Shadi guy already tell us who the antagonists were?" Twilight actually bothered to think logically unlike anyone else. "Stop bringing up things we can't explain!" Joey said. "Wait a minute… Are you a Spy?" "You did it again!" Rainbow Dash called out again. Fluttershy spoke in a voice that could easily be overpowered without any trouble. "Um… could I say something?" {Now it’s time to guess who said what here. And it’s not that hard… I think?} "Swagger." “Duke!” “Duke!” "Parties!" "Internet memes!" "Dragon Leather Shoes!" "Hey!" "Southernisms." "Books!" "Speed!" "Brooklyn!" "Joey's hot sister!" The butter yellow pegasus sighed. "Nevermind." "Give the writer a break!” Tristan for no reason opened his mouth. “ It's not his fault that he has to have Mr T for moral support." A convenient cut scene in the middle of nowhere… "What is this My Little Pony reference all about, fool. This story is pathetic!" "I'm so sorry Mr T! Please just watch the episodes, then you'll understand." "Fool, I don't hit little girls that watch this kind if crap! I tell people to eat Snickers and be awesome, like me!" "Just watch one episode, please? You know how unstable my imaginary self esteem is." "Fine… only to pity the fool that you are." Returning to the scene now… "And that is how Mr. T became a Brony." "Tristan…” Yugi asked his ‘friend’, “What the f*ck?" Kaiba smirked once more before he spoke again. "Prepared for a long-winded due that will take about three weeks to finish?" "You bet Kaiba, but I think you should have bribed him." The pharaoh commented on what was soon to happen. "Why? Is he going to make me lose?" "I'm sorry, but you're already doing a good job of that yourself. But he is going to either make us play the game properly or we just throw slanderous comments at each other with ridiculous arguments." "I will not result to doing what they always do in the anime for about five episodes! I will defeat you this time!" "You've got more of a chance beating me than Justin Bieber getting a boyfriend." "We'll see about that! I–" [Due to the fact that Kaiba is a massive prick (Irony!), I am thinking of releasing all of this duel next chapter, or as a 'bonus' chapter to explain plot holes and preoccupy myself with the lack of assignments. So now I present to you where Marik, Bakura, Lyra, and Bon Bon were left off. This is the kind way of saying: "New scene!"] Fan Fiction Prison... In the modified, and barely furbished 7’ by 7’ cell, where our unlikely heroes are being held captive by the firm hand of censorship, endorsed by the dreaded, newly established dubbing centre that was once thought to be destroyed: New 4Kids. Within the four and a half square meter, dimly lit, grimy, concrete lined floor and walls, stood Marik Sebastian Ishtar the Third, grasping firmly onto the steel bars of the cell; Florence Bakura, curled up into a ball in the far left corner; Bon Bon just sitting down next to the human Furby (Bakura) with all four hooves covered; and lastly, Lyra Heartstrings laid back against the far wall of the cell in her trademark way. “Get me out of here, you fools! I, Marik Ishtar order you to do so with the utmost haste!” Bakura just glanced over to his pony neighbor and asked her: “Do you have any idea how we ended up like this?” The cream colored pony gently shook her head side to side. “To be honest, I have no idea how we even met.” “I know!” Lyra interrupted their special moment. “Let me explain the story to you... As a flashback!” Flashback to a random elevator in Domino City… Yeah, just go with it… After about twenty-seven minutes of just staring at each other, Bakura broke the awkward silence… “Marik, are you seeing two ponies in metal slave bikinis that were making out?” “That depends,” Marik replied, holding onto Bakura with both hands. “Does the green one look like it wants to rape us?” (http://ponysquare.com/file/pic/photo/2012/02/b56e0e25b798b47f128285675e332a2c_500.png) “I believe so.” Bon Bon looked back at her friend, who was in some sort of coma. “Lyra,” She asked the mint green unicorn. “Did they just…” Inside Lyra’s mind, she tried to process all the excitement without her brain violently exploding, like this. Instead, she started babbling random nonsense. {Disclaimer: If you try to say this without stopping, then you will most likely fail and pass out. Have fun!} “Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh! *insert an audible gasp here as though you were running out of air to breathe* “Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh. Oh my sweet Celestia of Equestria! They’re real! I told you! I bucking told you!” “Help me, Bakura! It’s a talking pony that is an *eff*ing fan girl!!!” Marik shouted, as the unicorn suddenly got right up into his face with exciement.  “Run away while you still can!” “You’re in an elevator, there is no escape.” Bon Bon said, in a matter of factly way. “Oh joy," Bakura sarcastically commented. "If one of us turns out to be the devil, then I have had enough of this bloody vacation!" "Heh, you and me too, huh?" "I guess so." Bakura exchanged a neutral look at the cream coloured pony. "Who are you?" "Well, I was supposed to be cosplaying as Princess Neigha, but Lyra over there stole my idea…" Bon Bon raised a hoof at the pair of idiots known as Lyra and Marik. "Let me touch your mid-rift!" Lyra tried to lift the Egyptian's shirt off with her magic. "Gagh!" Marik exclaimed in fear as he tried to keep his shirt on. [Gee, he must be having a harder time than Shark Boy in the Twilight Saga.] "Are you some horny fan girl?" "Duh, I'm a unicorn! But yes I am extremely aroused and I want your body now." "Remember what the song told you to do, Marik." He thought to himself in his head. Stop, don't touch me there. This is my private square. R-A-P-E Get your hands off of me. It's RAPE Stop, don't touch that place. This is my private space. R-A-P-E Get your penis out of me. It's RAPE "Get your penis out of me!!!" He finally shouted out, only getting a disappointed glare from Bakura. Looking back from the chaos within the elevator, Bon Bon made the first move. "I'm Bon Bon, and you are?" Bakura remained cold and indifferent (which secretly, was turning Bon Bon on harder than Randy Savage turns on any woman alive) in his speech. "Just call me Bakura, everyone else seems to call me that." "Hey Bakura," Marik called out to him, not sounding like he was molested this time. "Me and this unicorn are going to have sex. Why don't you and the other pony join in with us?" "C'mon Bonnie!" Lyra tried to sway Bon Bon into doing it as well. "You and your fluffy kitty cat can have some fun instead of being sticks in the mud." "I suppose so." Was all Bakura responded with. [Gonna get kicked off the internet for this one. Still not meta.] {This about to get freaky-deaky, so just play five seconds of these two Youtube clips at the current url time.} "Oh yes!" Marik moaned as Lyra started to fondle with his *Bzzzzzzzzzzzk* (http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=6cS18yG8DJI#t=40s) "Marik," Lyra panted. "Could you put your hands up my *Bzzzzzzzzzzzk* (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WziyFLzOS_4&feature=player_detailpage#t=105s) "Have you ever been in a foursome before?" Bon Bon asked her new-found love interest. "That depends," Bakura said, trying to catch his breath. "Because the last time I went in one, it was interrupted by–" At the most inconvenient of all times, the soft *ping* of the elevator doors opened up to the sights of a man dressed in a police uniform with the BIGGEST PAIR OF EYEBROWS I'VE EVER SEEN!!!!! THOSE THINGS ARE MASSIVE!!! (http://images3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20090829033926/yugioh/images/b/b6/1stSeriesUshio.png) THAT'S ABOUT... A SEVENTH OF KAIBA'S EGO RIGHT THERE!!! "Halt! Officer Trudge of the fan fiction police!" The officer calls out to the four background characters. "Oh bugger." Bakura complained to himself. Bon Bon sighed. "This guy again." "You've met Officer Trudge before?" "Yes I've seenses Ms Bon Bon and her non-canon girlfriend Lyra Heartstrings befores." Officer Trudge said on behalf of Bon Bon. "Theys did the sames as youse did in Neko Porno." "Screw you!" The unicorn mare shouted back at the motorcycle-riding policeman. "Our color schemes were made for us to be paired together! But Trixie and Twi being out of character was a completely justifiable sentence." Bon Bon justified her friend's brash statement. "Lyra believes that he isn't a human due to his monstrous eyebrows." "I could have sworn he died in the anime but survived in the manga. Regardless, there is no way he could be in 5Ds and be still alive, unless he's a Highlander." [The debate here is that Officer Trudge is somehow related to the character Ushio in the first issue of the manga and the first episode of Seazon Zero. Personally, I think there can be only one, and Ushio is clearly a Highlander. BECAUSE LITTLEKURIBOH SAID IT, IT MUST BE CANON!] "Oh my god, look at the size of his eyebrows!" Marik said loudly and obnoxiously, pointing directly at Officer Trudge's eyebrows. "It's as though he's the Highlander offspring of Martin Scorsese (http://www.palzoo.net/file/pic/user/Martin-Scorsese.jpg) and Jennifer Connelly (http://img2.timeinc.net/instyle/images/2009/transformation/1995-jennifer-connelly-400.jpg) with those massive things…" Lyra side-tracked her hatred for the officer. "Now I can't stop thinking about Martin Scorsese and Jennifer Connley having sex." "I don't know why, but that thought is giving me cravings." "Look," Officer Trudge responded to the weird fascination with his eyebrows. "I don'ts know how you gots the impression of me beings a Highlander, but I takes serious offense to my parentses eyebrowses." "Okay… So why are you arresting us for?" The cream coloured earth pony questioned Trudge. "You haven't proven anything!" "Well the first charge is placed on the writer of this fan-fic, for repeat breakings of the fourth wall." "Tell us more how we're involved, Ushio-San?" Bakura slyly commented. "My nameses isn't Ushio. It's Officer Trudge!" "Your reason for arresting us is more believable than Stephanie Meyer actually writing good books." "Can we continue having sex?" Marik asked in an out-of-the-blue moment. "Yeah, I'm bored." Lyra seconded the motion that the scene was going nowhere. "Kind of like the time where I changed your voice as a joke several times during your voice cameos. Why don't I get speaking time?" "That's legible for being canon!" Bon Bon raised a hoof at Officer Trudge. "It's more definitive than the stories regarding Scootaloo's backstory, or the sexual orientation of the Mane Six. Except for Dashie, she's definitely a lesbian." The officer of the fan-fic law smiled. "And that's strike three." "And how exactly does that work?" Bon Bon gave a puzzled look. Pulling out a pen and notepad, he read off the offenses. "One, youse insulted an officer ands his familieses; Two, youse were havings sex on public properties; And three, youse was makings fun of the most fan-fic centralized character ever. Now let's goes down to the jailhouse." "Come on! Just give us five more minutes!" Marik whined like a child. "I didn't get to finish riding on Splash Mountain yet!" Lyra was hopefully referring to something else... "Get out of the elevator and into the car!" Officer Trudge barked at them. "I thought you drove a motorcycle, Mr Ushio-San?" "Just shut up!" "Right, because that's meant to be a good comeback." "Shut up!" "What are you going to do?" Bakura taunted the officer. "Send the Elite Beat Agents on me? Write a bad ship-fic of me and Marik? Are you going to do something original?" "I'm doings my job and youse better shut up abouts it or I wills emasculate youse right here." Randomharpmusicfortheendoadreamsequence/flashbackthatisnon-exitsatntduetoalastminutebugthatdestroyedtheoriginalwhyudothistomecomputer?IhateyousomuchAAAAAAAAAA! "...And that's what happened." Lyra finished off her extensive story. Marik continued to rattle the iron bars keeping them in captivity "Get me out of here now! I really need to go pee-tinkle! Wait, never mind." [For some strange reason, I imagine Bakura singing along to this song... (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qsy7kJyizoc) That was interesting... But the fan-fic police are after me. Please send some 'donations' to this Swiss bank account I have in Zurich. As long as I'm in the Shadow Realm/Big Brother House, they will never find me! Never! But in all seriousness, I need to work somewhat harder to get the normal chapter posted on time because I have a school camp from the 14th to the 18th and then the 20th to the 23rd (All in September.) The chapter will be posted on the 26th as usual. I wish I was going to Armageddon, but that's in Melbourne which is too far away to drive. I miss out on seeing LK again! It sucks! Just because I had to visit Canberra (Australia's capital city. Otherwise known as a massive hole, literally and metaphorically.) last year. If anything interesting happens, let me know of it immediately. No art works yet... But meh, this is quite indie with 400+ views. Blasting off with more cliché endings, Morgie93 P.S. BlackandWhiteDragons, if you're reading this, welcome to my fanfic! As for the rest of you, here's something funny I found after a random YouTube video session (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=46cmK5kDeK8). Everyone thank StarswordIsCool for this video. Do it! I command you!] //-------------------------------------------------------// Chapter Skuxx, I mean Six //-------------------------------------------------------// Chapter Skuxx, I mean Six Vengeance, Card Games and Magic Presents... Chapter Skuxx, I mean Six: Card Games: Gangnam Style (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RtWo-bmUxN0) (Click on the link… I know you want to…) {Introducing the VCG&M Drinking Game! Take a drink every time : •A character gets interrupted or cut off mid way in their sentence. •Fluttershy speaks. •Another anime or Abridged Series is referred to or quoted from. •Saker respawns •Foreshadowing occurs •Any other rules may be added on later by public demand.} Starring: Yugi Mutou Yami Victor Yugi (Atem) Joey Wheeler Seto Kaiba's Ego Tristan Timothy Taylor's Voice Duke Devlin + His Fangirls Serenity Wheeler Twilight Sparkle Trixie Lulamoon Rainbow Dash Applejack Rarity Pinkie Pie Fluttershy Ryo Bakura (This name was a misprint; Sorry for any inconveniences) Tom (Morgie93) Princess Celestia Princess Luna Saker (Sketch) Chris (obsidianreaper) And Guest Appearance... The F8Ful 1 In the Big Brother House... (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JEyJMewZz3U) "He's following me." Tom spoke to himself softly as his body cringed in anticipation for what would happen next on his laptop. "I just need one last page and it's over. Luckily I haven't seen him once throughout the whole game. Time to go to the toilet block and find that no–" Just then... as Tom's flashlight turned around to check the surrounding tree lines... Something dark and sinister opened up it's fleshy mouth and shouted: "HOLY FUCKING SHIT! SLENDERMAN IS RIGHT BEHIND YOU! SCREAM LIKE A LITTLE GIRL! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=KcUbteUtgkQ#t=350s)" Freaking out and having an epileptic fit at the same time, Tom curled up into the fetal position, rocking back and forth as though he was in a mental asylum. Saker just laughed as various emoticons (http://bbsimg.ngfiles.com/1/21694000/ngbbs4c784b4781db9.jpg) formed around him, showing his mood in unnecessary (http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-b9NLMl9wl6s/Ts9kOAoC-NI/AAAAAAAACPs/FG5jIDjd-wY/s1600/Trollface.png) ways. As the static on the computer screen faded, a window showing a Skype duel in progress replaced Slender. "Screw you, Saker!" Tom barked at his friend as he slumped back onto his chair. "It's not funny the nineteenth time you do it." "What are you doing on the magical metal box?" Celestia asked, looking over Tom's shoulder to check out the action. [Wow, something's wrong with me today.] "Oh, I was just playing Slender whist waiting to have a friendly duel with my good friend Nick. Unfortunately, the connection is terrible and it has taken me about a day to buffer. I knew I shouldn't have pressed refresh!" "Isn't he that guy who wrote The Godfather?" Saker said, suddenly teleporting behind the two. "No, no, no. That was Mario Puzo. The F8ful 1 wrote The Godpie and did a damn good job at it if you ask me." "Ehhhhhh…" "It has Trixie getting slapped in the face with a dildo, whatever that is..." "Definitely going to read that later. But why are you dueling him online?" Tom stopped his turn and moved around to face his simpleton of a friend. "He lives in Washington and has been kidnapped by Shoen Jump ninjas, we're stuck in the lowest circle of hell—otherwise known as the Big Brother House—and no one here knows how to play this card game!" "I know how to play 'card games', if you know what I mean." Celestia flirted with the avid duelist, muzzling the side of Tom's neck. "Not now Celestia, there are children's card games to be played. Draw!" On the virtual dueling field: Tom 4100 LP Cards in hand: 4 Face down cards: 0 Monsters: Insect Knight (1900 ATK/ 1500 DEF) Aqua Madoor (1200 ATK/ 2000 DEF) Nick 6800 LP Cards in hand: 3 Face down cards: 1 Monsters: Catapult Turtle (1000 ATK/ 2000 DEF) The Skype chatbox soon appeared in front of the online duel. (This next part is in blog form, so mods do not remove this please!) The F8ful 1: hey tom Morgie93: yeah, what? The F8ful 1: i am pwning you! Morgie93: stfu, i still have 4100 LP. The F8ful 1: compared to me on 6800 LP and a face down. what have u got to beat me? Morgie93: this "I tribute both my monsters to summon Swift Gaia The Fierce Knight (2300 ATK/ 2100 DEF)! I activate Mystical Space Typhoon, take out the face down and attack your Catapult Turtle!" Tom shouted at the computer monitor whilst clicking on screen. "You do know he can't hear you, right?" Saker ruined his moment of dueling awesomeness. "Shut up! I was trying to be epic and you ruined it!" "No, you were being retarded and I was asking why this was so." The F8ful 1: That was my black hole! NOOOOOOOO!!!!11!!1! my turn then… The F8ful 1: you are so screwed now. On the monitor, The F8ful 1 activates a second dark hole in his hand, destroying everything on the field. Morgie93: well… that went better than expected. The F8ful 1: you think? Morgie93: Scheiße… The F8ful 1: yes, exactly what you said… whatever that means He plays Card Destruction from his hand, wiping out Morgie's hand consisting of a Pot of Greed, Monster Reborn and Magic Cylinder. Nick then summons Armageddon Knight (1400 ATK/ 1200 DEF), sending his Shadow Ghoul to the graveyard and special summoning it using Monster Reincarnation (1600 ATK/ 1300 DEF). With nine monsters in his graveyard, Shadow Ghoul's attack increases (1600 ATK -----> 2500 ATK). He then attacks with both monsters directly at Tom's life points ( 4100 LP -----> 200LP) "Ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuudge cakes!" Tom shouted in anger. Saker was being very supportive. "Lol! Everything you did was for nothing!" "Kindly shut him up please. I can still make a come back. The Shadow Delver was a nuisance, his King of Skull Servants pissed me off, and now it's a freaking Shadow Ghoul! This may take some time to formulate a plan… all done." Tom summons a Winged Kuriboh in Defense position (300 ATK/ 200 DEF), sets three cards face down and ends his turn. The F8ful 1: really? winged kuriboh? that's the worst card ever! Morgie93: no, watapon is the worst card ever. The F8ful 1: whatever, i'm going to beat you anyway Jaden. Morgie93: that was a low blow! i made changes to my deck since the last time we played. The F8ful 1: like what? you got all the elemental heroes in your deck too? Morgie93: you'll find out soon… but yes The F8ful 1: lol XD Nick's Turn: He summons a King of Skull Servants in attack position (? ATK/ 0 DEF). With two Skull Servants and a King of Skull Servants in his graveyard, the attack of the monster increases (3x1000 -----> 3000 ATK). King of Skull Servants then attacks Winged Kuriboh, destroying it in the process. Due to Winged Kuriboh's effects, all Battle Damage taken is 0. Nick's turn ends. The F8ful 1: that pathetic little card has some purpose after all. Morgie93: Eeyup Morgie93: Time to do something stupid Tom's Turn: He activates Goblin's Secret Remedy and uses its effect on Nick. (Nick's LP 6800 -----> 7400) Everyone apart from Tom was confused. Celestia's maw would have dropped straight to the ground had it not been for physics. Saker did a double take at the scene of madness. "Morgie, I know I say this as a joke at times, but are you legitimately retarded? You gave your opponent life instead of yourself! Who is that fucking stupid to do that when he has a 9/4 Black Flying with First Strike on the field?" "This isn't Magic, Saker, for the eight billionth time!" Tom shouted back at him. "And you'll see why that move is smart soon enough." The F8ful 1: are you smoking something over there? if so then can i have some? the ninjas are very strict in what I have. Morgie93: nope, just going to end this madness once and for all. The F8ful 1: what does that mean? The F8ful 1: are you sure that you aren't tripping? Morgie93: i wish i was… Tom then activates his face down trap card, Self Destruct Button. Nick's LP 7400 -----> 0 Tom's LP 200 -----> 0 Morgie93: great game. do you wanna chat some time soon? The F8ful 1: tom, kindly go die in a hole. see you next week. "Checkmate! You sunk his battleship!" Saker rejoiced mistakenly. "Wow, that reminds me of a really bad movie. Meh." Tom, as a usual response to this special child, face palmed himself. "You have taken stupidity to a brand new level. I'm not surprised it happened sooner." "Why did you draw with your opponent instead of defeating him?" The sun princess asked him. "I didn't choose to have a stalemate, the Heart of the Cards told me to." Celestia gave Tom a skeptical look. "Heart of the Cards? Is that another way of saying dumb luck?" "At least it sounds ten times cooler than the Magic of Friendship." "Agreed. But at least I vanquish all my foes instead of being equals to anyone." "Yeah… explain then why are you co-rulers with Luna?" "The same reason why Usher starred in Justin Bieber's 'Baby'." "Sharing the credit and responsibility of writing a song that has received the most views on YouTube?" "Having her get persecuted by everyone in the world and being forced into the Canadian Embassy whilst nothing happens to me at all." "Seems hypocritical, a bit too case specific and unexpected yet totally predictable. You are one power crazy pony… Where have you been all my life?" "Are we going to stop Chris' drug-induced rage?" Saker asked. "What are you talking abo–" "Tia help me!" Luna's faint cries could be heard from the living room. "The one that smells of burning wood is trying to touch me!" "Oh relax, she'll be fine." Celestia dismissed her sister's cries for help. "She always manages to avoid imminent danger and the storyline all the time." "No time for standing around!" Saker interjected. "We must save the love of my life from Chris' raging drug withdrawal!" "How do you know it's Chris?" Tom just sighed. "Celestia, how many people do you know that have drug problems that are in this house right now?" "I see your point. Let's go." As Tom and Celestia made a hasty retreat to the living room, Saker pulled up a Safari page on the laptop. "And now to go onto 4Chan, for the lolz….                               T_T…                                 *click*                                       O.O…                                      *double click*                                                                                                             *click*                    …OH MY GOD! THIS IS BURNING MY BRAIN!! WHAT DA FUQ?!!!?!???!?!?!?!?" Upon entering the living room, the two see Luna hovering near the ceiling with one avid Chris jumping to reach her. Another three feet to the left of the stoner, Saker appeared, standing beside a killcam. "How the hell did you get here so fast apart from speed-hacking?" Tom asked his friend, who was trying to maintain a sense if balance. Saker merely responded with: "I died; 4Chan is a scary place. Could you delete your entire hard-drive and grab my wallet from my other body?" "Okay then… Chris, why are you molesting Princess Luna?" "Because Celestia is way too old for me." Chris calmly gestured after getting over the withdrawal. "It's like hitting on someone's grandma: Way too messed up." "No one molests my little sister and gets away with not inviting me to help out!" Celestia argued the terms for the violation of her sister. Tom was at that moment trying to repel the image of Celestia doing stuff to Luna… and failed. A lot. "Well I'm scarred for life." Saker began to recite the item's description. "You picked up: A Suppressed Memory. It will haunt you for the rest of your life. This item is not tradable, unless you have a Twinkie for me that is… Or some more cheat codes." "Please save me!" Luna pleaded. "Insta-fix problem with my awesomeness." Using the power of item spawning, a pre-lit bong appeared in Chris' clammy fingers. Taking in as much of the smoke possible, he sighed in relief and dropped onto the floor. Anthony began the count down. "Thanks to the effect of Insta-fix, screen time for this scen is reduced by 60 characters." "Saker…" Tom just stared at his 'normal' friend. "What t–" Meanwhile, thousands of miles away… "I guess it all comes down to this…" Kaiba said, pointing at his opponent whilst on Trixie's back. "Just you and me… Rival against rival… To be completely honest, I don't think you stand a ghost of a chance. Now Yugi, it's time to duel!" "I'm over here!" Yugi shouted from the supposed bleaches everyone else was sitting on. "That's Yami!" "Oh, so that explains why he's taller than you." "I am not a microscopic pipsqueak!" Yugi shouted in torment. "I'll have you know the best protagonists ever are short. Just look at Edward Elric and even Frodo Baggins." "Yes, but they all have special powers or special items to help them." Kaiba managed to deflate his argument. "What do you have apart from your dud of a Millennium Puzzle?" "I… F*ck you, Kaiba." "Don't worry, Yugi!" Serenity called out to Yami. "We all fully support you!" "Ten dollars on Kaiba!" Tristan hollers across the bleachers Pinkie decides to follow suit with her human equivelant. "Fifty bits on Kaiba!" "A hundred quid on Kaiba!" Rarity adds on. "Wait, what's a quid?" "Are you sure he can pull through?" Twilight asked Yugi, with a growing feeling of concern from the betting going on. "He doesn't seem that confident." "Relax!" Joey reassured the concerned guardian of the purple dragon. "Yami has only lost two times." "And none of them were by Kaiba." Yugi added on. "Not to mention he could always just mind crush him again." "But you never let me do it anymore!" Yami put on his pouting face and hmphed. "If things are looking desperate, mind crush both of them." Dash gave her advice to the pharaoh. "Hard." "For once I agree with you, winged, rainbow pony lesbian." "I am not a bucking lesbian!" "Trixie grows tiresome of these childish squabbling." Trixie did the third person thing as expected of the stuck up b– "End this duel quickly, Kaiba. I want to get away from these unworthy creatures." "You just read my mind." Kaiba replied to his blue unicorn companion. "Do it again." "And now your thinking of rubbing your dragon in their faces." "That is correct. I like showing everyone my dragon in the middle of a duel." "Is anyone else finding this guy kind of messed up?" Spike recoiled at what the billionaire had to say. "That's enough shipping for you two." Yami interrupted his opponents. "Are we going to start or not?" Kaiba emotionlessly shrugged his shoulders and said, "Kay, let's duel." "Who thinks dat Yami feller is gonna lose this like mah grandpappy lost his marbles?" Applejack spoke in her typical Southern accent. Fluttershy opened her mouth to speak, before soon being interrupted by the duel. "I'll start first since you're the King of Games." Kaiba drew his hand, picking up an extra card. "Again," Yugi complained. "That's me." "Whatever, Yugi. I summon the Histou-Me Giant!" With a blue aura from her horn, Trixie conjured from a cloud of smoke a giant green monster with green skin and one eye on it's face. The beast's heavy, humid panting casted a smell of rotting meat and a sticky, wet sensation on everyone's skin and hair. "Are you… sure that it isn't just a hologram?" The eccentric billionaire stared at his monster, staring at it's massive eye. "Erm…" Trixie muttered, hoping that the conversation would move along that idea. "Trixie is sure that they are completely fake!" She lied through her teeth, trying to put on her best poker face. Yami just sighed as he slumped back on Twilight's back. "Really? That card? Oh well, at least it's better than Watapon, or Winged Kuriboh; one or the other." "Pharaoh," Twilight replied uncomfortably. "Could you try not to apply so much force onto my vertabre? Do I need to remind you that I'm a pony and that you don't weigh less with a tutu on?" "Of course not, horrible vampire movie," Yami continued to slouch on Twilight. "Why else would the chapter be called 'Card Games: Gangnam Style' if we weren't on you ponies?"" "Obscure popular culture references?" Rarity asks the pharaoh. "Swag music?" Duke Devlin gave his idea as to why. "Internet Memes?" Kaiba had his laptop out on the website KnowYourMeme.com, pulling up the page on Gangnam Style. "Fanservice?" Pinkie said, holding the stats for the number of views on YouTube with Gangnam Style. Twilight gave her educated guess. "Words we don't understand?" "Duckies!" Tristan calls out again. "Just get on with the duel!" Joey shouted from the sidelines of the duel. "Fine, fine." Yami quickly dismissed his 'friend's' remark. "I summon the Constipated Celtic Guardian in defense mode." As soon as Yami finished his sentence, Twilight focused in on the supposed hologram, using her lavender aura to create the Constipated Celtic Guardian. The giant figure went to kneel down, holding his equally as large sword in front of him. "I'm so constipated." The Constipated Celtic Guardian spoke as his free hand clutched his stomach in anticipation for his bowel movement. "The Constipated Celtic Guardian?" Rainbow Dash commented to Joey; from shipping fodder to shipping fodder. "That sounds like a stupid name for a monster." Joey kept his eyes on the duel, waiting to see what Yami would do next. "Nyeh, it's not as bad as the Bipolar Celtic Guardian, and he was bad." "And now I sacrifice my monster to summon Swordstalker, in attack mode!"  Kaiba brought forth his demonic, dark purple swordsman, wielding its golden, jagged blade in both hands. "Fear his giant sword of awesomeness!" "Kaiba's compensating for something!" Yami chanted in song, wanting to piss his opponent off even more. "Swordstalker, destroy Yugi's lame ass monster!" From the crowd, Yugi shouted out again. "But I'm Yugi!" The Swordstalker began its attack as it lunged out at the Constipated Celtic Guardian, plunging its sword deep into the monster's warm, moist flesh. And for some unexplained reason, he bursted into tiny bloody pieces. [Okay… Maybe I went a little too far that time.] "Why did the Constipated Celtic Guardian blow up?" Trixie asked Kaiba. "Well you could have said that he suffered from…" Kaiba pulled out pair of reflective sunglasses, putting them on slowly before he finished his sentence. "Explosive diarrhea." (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6YMPAH67f4o) "Well played, Seto Kaiba." A voice suddenly filled the jungle lands with a sinister echo. "I hope you like girl scout cookies! Do you want to try some?" "I may need to cut down on the drugs again. A hundred line limit might not satisfy my crack habits." Kaiba said, looking about for the origin of the voice. Appearing from the shadows, Discord and Melvin slowly formed into existence. Everyone in the bleachers stood up to get a better view of these dastardly villains. There was an eerie standstill between the main cast and the antagonists. "Well, well, well." Melvin broke the silence of fear. "If it isn't Yugi Mutou and his big friends. What's the matter, shrimpy? Still 17 and Prepubescent I hope. Wah-ha-ha-ha-ha!" "Silence Melvin! Explain what John de Lancie has to do with your evil plans." Kaiba pointed at his is partner in evil. "Kaiba…" Yugi asked the delusional, substance abusing billionaire. "Are you sure that you aren't seeing some messed up creature Dr Frankenstein probably made as a sick joke? Germans aren't known for their sense of humor. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KENZD6IjDYI)" "Of course not Yugi!" Kaiba shouted back. "Why would I see something that messed up, unless I am on high amounts of drugs… which by the way I totally don't have on me right now… If you want some too, we'll talk later." Discord finally entered the conversation. "Don't worry, Brock, you can still screw the rules and be in love with Nurse Joy at the same time." "Oh great, an antagonist I'm supposed to give a f*ck about. So tell me, how are you breaking the Fourth wall for everyone?" "It's quite simple really, I just used the one Millennium Item that can break the barrier between the audience and the stage with ease." "A plot device!" Yami said openly out loud. "I knew something like that had to explain things. The narrative is terrible!" "Is that a plot device?" Pinkie said, pointing towards Melvin's Millennium Rod(?!!) [Aaah! A plot hole! Sorry, I mean an inconsistency in the story that will be explained much, much later. (Probably never.)] "It's a Millennium Item, but no, it's not a plot device." "Ah think Ah saw one of 'em plot devices under Twi's bed." AJ said flat out. "It was all pink an' it kept wrigglin' 'round like one of dem earthworms." "Why were you…" Twilight tried to figure out why she was even there in the first place "Never mind." Joey broke the moment of awkward silence. "…I think our definition of plot devices are different to yours." "Um… I don't remember Discord wearing a necklace…" Fluttershy was given a line to make her feel included and move the plot along. "That's right! I'm so glad you noticed it! Steve Magnet said that it looks simply fabulous on me. The Millennium necklace is truly is beautiful!" "Is he the equivalent of Maximilian Pegasus in this world?" Joey asked his rainbow-maned neighbour. "That depends…" Rainbow Dash tried to think of the right words to say. "Does he act gay and worry about his looks?" "Yes." "Then yes he is." "All this talk about my idol has cased my disease to come back." Duke weakly spoke, feeling his charisma drain from his body. "I need to apply half naked girls to my body now. Serenity, Rarity, help me out here." Rarity gave the sexy beast a quizzical look. "You do realize that none of us ponies are wearing clothes?" "Uh… Yeah… But do you still wanna make out?" "Definitely!" "That's no fair!" Spike said in disbelief as the three walked conveniently offscreen. "I saved her from a pack of diamond dogs!" "There is much to learn about heroic deeds, Spike," Tristan put a hand on the small dragon. "And it is that even if you kill a dinosaur, women cannot resist the curse of a witch. And that is why Rarity is now under Duke's control and we must set him on fire. Otherwise any chance you had with her will be gone faster than you can say 'Damn'." Realising that his chances of having an underage relationship with Rarity, competing against Duke in a swagger-off and taking out a dinosaur were next to zero, Spkie screamed. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" "I didn't quite catch your name, what was it again?" Yugi took the time to actually know who he should be fighting against. "He is Discord," Twilight gave her abridged description of the draconequus. "The deity of Chaos…" "And the one responsible for that girl with three breasts in Total Recall." Rainbow Dash continued. "You would know that!" "So what are you gonna do to us?" Kaiba began to taunt Discord, unknowing of the dangerous consequences. "Take away our memories and place us in a crappy reboot movie starring Colin Farrell?" "Not at all!" The draconequus grinned. "We simply want to kill you all off." "Oh thank god for that. I thought you would make us star in Yu-Gi-Oh! GX. Apparently I was wrong." "Death is better than this GX thing?" Trixie questioned her shipping partner's reaction to death. "So much better than death." "But first we shall censor the entire universe and reform the world through New 4Kids!" Melvin added on to what his newfound boyfriend said. Yugi sighed in relief. "That seems reasonab–Wait, what?" "You sick bastards!" Kaiba said. "No wonder we can't f*cking swear properly! How long has this been going on for?" "Oh Seto, this has been going on for quite some time now." Discord stated informatively. "In fact, we have already made a few changes to the previous chapters." "Tell me!" Yami shouted at the antagonists. "Alright then…" Melvin said. "I'll tell yo–" "Tell me!" "Give me a moment to speak here, jeez!" "I wanted Discord to explain himself. Now tell me!" "Fine, only because I like your tutu." Discord gave in to the manliness portrayed in the bright pink tutu. "Pinkie." "Yes, Binky Boy?" Pinkie replied. "What did you respond to Shadi when you were asked the question: 'What happens to something when it is filled with holes?'" "It turns into Swiss cheese, why? Oh! You changed what I said because it could have been offensive! You evil, vanilla frosting meanie pants!" "But that was chapter 4!" Yami protested. "There's no way you could've changed it without the login details. Unless… No! Not the writer!" "But yes the writer!" Melvin continued to maliciously grin. "Him, along with his friends and those alicorns are plunged deep into the Shadow Realm where no one can find them!" All of the ponies, apart from one self-centered Trixie said in unison. "The Princesses!" "I just hope Celestia is alright…" Twilight reassured herself. Melvin spoke again. "Not with Chris she will be!" "Who?" "Chris, the almighty god of weed!" Tristan shouted out. "He must be worshipped every day and the holy joint shall be passed around through the church, smoked by all within his sacred summerhouse." "He helped fix my eyesight!" Serenity returned back to the main storyline with Duke and Rarity. "He also helps moderate my swag from being too high." Duke brushed back his hair. "Now prepare for your imminent and excruciating deaths!" Discord accentuated the last word in a falsetto voice. "Quick, Kaiba! Use the remote in your back pocket to get us out of here!" Yugi panicked. Kaiba's brain tried to cope with the idea of bailing a duel that was two turns deep. "But the duel…" "If you die, Mokuba will inherit all your money and donate it to charity." "No." "They will make a giant memorial of you, and the epitaph will read: 'Here stands Seto Kaiba: The most generous man in the world, who upon his own demise, gave to the needy all of his assets'." "No!" "They will make a school where children can learn to play card games, in your name." "Stop with the–wait, that doesn't sound so bad." "And the best part is, the star student will be none other than Jaden Yuki." "Never!" Kaiba screamed in denial. "I forfeit the duel by activating Return From The Different Dimension! Now beam us out of here, Trixie; this place bites." Trixie smiled. "With pleasure." "You know you could have just pressed the return button on the remote." Yugi tried to make things much simpler than they had to be. "Sorry, Kaiba boy, but you can't activate a trap card the turn it was set in." Discord taunted, wagging a finger at him. "Rules are rules." Kaiba set himself up for the greatest pose ever. "Well screw the f*cking rules, I'm on a pony! Smell you geeks later, we're leaving this dump!" And then thanks to the power of the writer's care to find an ending to the chapter, everyone apart from Discord and Melvin vanished into another dimension, where in about three weeks they will appear. "He does that every time!" Melvin pouted as streams of tears poured down his eyes. "Why can't we win for once and make the author provide a non-deus ex machina chapter ending?" Discord placed his paw on his shoulder. "Don't worry my shmoopy-doopy sweetie-weetie pie, we'll take them out one day…" "*sniff* But how?" "One solution…" Discord gestured out to the stars and said: "Mercs, mercs everywhere." [Random Indie Song Time (http://youtu.be/Gzqyn0Uu_E4) Sorry if this seems half baked, but nine days and seven nights staying in Yolo Colo(n) Valley is annoying without the ponies, music, or the Internet. Especially all three of those points, and the new episodes of Doctor Who (Asylum Of The Daleks was terrible). Speaking of which, who wants to go for a ride in the TARDIS? (Hint, hint: Foreshadowing. Drink up.) Browsing random stuff (http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/deadpool-gangnam-style.jpg) to satisfy my cravings as compensation for rowing camp next week. F7U12 my holidays. I am mega-sleepy, so wake me up when September ends 'cause I have some hot chocolate to drink in October. And some Baravian beer (not really, but it's Oktoberfest so), Prost! As usual, Morgie93 P.S. (Just Too Damn Lazy) Hooray for 500 Views! This calls for a– (NOPE!) P.S.S If you followed the drinking game, you should be this drunk (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZmDWltBziM).] //-------------------------------------------------------// Chapter 7.1 (CRACKED, HACKED AND PIRATED) //-------------------------------------------------------// Chapter 7.1 (CRACKED, HACKED AND PIRATED) Chapter 7.1–Yargh hargh, fiddle ti dee! Dafuq Is Happening? Hey hey hey! It's time for the super ponies super show! Do not question why I made this chapter in two parts, so be happy and read this. Kaiba's Pad… On the beanbag to the left of a sleeping Solomon Mutou, the young Mokuba Kaiba just sat there, waiting for his brother to return. He did this mainly because there was nothing else to do. Any normal twelve year old would rejoice if they had access to billions of dollars, but considering most of his time involved being kidnapped, Mokuba never had time to be a kid. His entire life revolves around his brother who he loves and adores, which is pretty stupid of him, considering that Seto only half-‘cares’ for his younger sibling. Why am I writing a narrative showing how much Mokuba gets neglected? I might as well start explaining the entire plotline of The Twilight Saga, because more people actually give a crap about that kind of garbage. I mean seriously, how many people dedicate their lives to hating that more than what Hitler did? A lot of people, that’s what. There are armies of people out there, sitting in their basements, watching what their enemies do and dedicating their lives to downvote and hate everything that one person does. Where is the love in this world… As I type, people constantly following Justin on Face-whatchamacallit and disliking what he does. They don’t realise that they are actually caring about what they do. And when Seto ignores his brother, or tells him to shut up, he is caring about Mokuba. He makes the effort to speak to him and still acknowledges him as a brother. It is this, which makes Mokuba believe in his brother. It is this, which is his duty in life. It is– [Yes Saker? What is it?] [Do you realise that no one cares about you or me at all? Everyone who is reading this is only caring about Yu-Gi-Oh! and My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. We are redundant in this world; we are mere background characters, made as filler whilst trying to avoid circle-jerking off as much as a writer can. We… Are nothing… But we're still more important than Ryo.] [Except him. Now run along, I have a story to continue writing.] “It’s so lonely without you bro…” He quietly complains to himself, wiping a tear away from his left eye. “I guess this is how you feel when I get kidnapped…” [Saker! Language!]   {Translation: Fuck it all.} [Much better.] Behind Mokuba, his brother’s employees, Grüber and Hans, appeared with a tray of baked goods. “Kleine Führer, we have made zese delicious chocolate chip cookies in ze shape of ze late Führer’s face to make you feel better. Heil Kaiba!” They said in their stereotypical German accents that totally did not make them sound like Neo-Nazis. “Thanks you guys…” Mokuba said, taking a bite out of the cookie he just picked up. “You know what, I think that out there, beyond our world, my big brother is trying his best to find his way back to me. Maybe it’s the thought of being away from me that strives him to make his way back me. I know he has to come back; I just know it! I–“ Brutally interrupting Mokuba’s heart-felt speech, the Dimensional Gateway System™ whirred to life. Appearing in a blinding flash of light, the main cast arrived from the previous chapter. As Yuig and his friends stepped out as if nothing ever happened, the Mane Six and Spike looking at the sites of the strange and fascinating place that was Kaiba’s basement. The first thing Kaiba said as he left the landing zone of the DGS was: “I’m back, bitches!” “Herr Kaiba!” Hans and Grüber said in unison, excited to hear of their Führer. Mokuba perked up almost instantly. “Seto! You finally came back! I–“ “Shut the f*ck up Mokuba!” Kaiba said with a smile on his face. “My god it feels so good to say that!” ≤Why a puppy? Couldn’t it be a raccoon or something else that dies?≥ [No one ever cares about the trees! He killed a puppy!] “…Is this how humans treat their younger siblings?” Twilight wondered why Kaiba was smiling. “No, that’s just Kaiba,” Yugi shrugged. “Emotionless and uncaring are understatements of Kaiba’s capacity for acting normal.” “I can’t wait to go outside see how society functions in this world of yours!” “You gotta be kidding me!”  Joey threw his hands up into the air. “Everyone who sees you is gonna be freaked out more than if they saw Lady Gaga showing off her latest fashion monstrosities!” “I bet it isn’t that bad.” Rarity gave her input on the comment. “Trust me.”  Yami interjected. “It’ll be better for her if she went on the streets naked. And I’m not even kidding.” Pinkie just looked around, planning in her head exactly where decorations for potential parties could be placed. “So I guess we’re stuck here for the next couple of chapters.” “Mabye… But we might have to check the scripts again.” Kaiba scowled. “Who knows what were gonna be facing next.” “Wait, wait, wait, wait…” Applejack said, confused with the breaking of the fourth wall. “Y’all had a script?” “Um, duh! How else was I going to fake the out of character moments? Cocaine?” “Pinkie, do you have one?” Twilight turned to meet her hyperactive pink friend The pink Earth pony just giggled. “I left it in the chimney back at your place, silly me!” “Anyway, Mr. Muto and I have to find the script so we can understand what’s happening in this f*cked up story! I may have packed it away in one of these boxes.” Kaiba indicated towards the heap of boxes stacked to the side of the room. “Mutou.” Yugi corrected. “What?” “Mutou, that’s how you spell it. Mutou.” “Muto, Mutou; who cares? There aren’t spell checks for what you say. Wanna duel about it?” “Erm… No. I don’t really feel like forfeiting another game against you.” “What if I made bawk bawk sounds that compared you to a Scootalou?” “It’s spelt Scootaloo.” Twilight then corrected Kaiba “See the difference?” Yugi looked back at everyone else. “This is the problem with different ways of spelling a name. It’s spelling Dashie with a y; it’s spelling Pinkie with a y. In fact, it’s mostly spelling anything that’s supposed to end in an ie with a y.” “At least I call you something canon.” Kaiba offered ‘sympathy’ for his rival. “Be grateful for that.” “Fine Kaiba… If anyone else wants to help, now’s the time.” “I’ll start helping by opening this random card board box.” Joey pulled aside “Oh my god! Joey!” Téa annoyingly opens her ugly face. “You’re finally rescuing me from this indestructible cardboard nightmare! I was running out of ideas to put in my fan fic, and then I thought to myself, ‘What would AllyOJustice do?’” “Shut up cardboard box! AllyOJustice would have questioned Kaiba’s use of his Season One cards!” “Look,” Kaiba began to explain himself. “There were only two cards in that deck from the first season and considering that I beat Yugi in a duel, I thought they had to be good luck charms.” Yugi signed in disappointment. “I forfeited that duel because if I won, you were going to either cry like a little baby or kill yourself like an emo.” “Why didn’t you win?” Joey just stared back at his friend. “All of our problems could have been solved. I mean, this would have never happened, and our lives would have been normal, if not, better than before!” “It was Season One! No one knew how to play the damn card game properly and I still thought Kaiba was a nice guy!” “Riiiiiiiight!” Everyone apart from Yugi joined in on, even those two German guys. Pinkie and Tristan finished off with a simple: “We don’t believe you!” “Still, I hate you cardboard box!” Joey landed a kick onto the box. “AllyOJustice is one of the greatest minds of our generation!” “And the shout-outs become cornier.” Yugi commented to himself. Téa tried to reason with Joey once more. “Joey, it’s me, Téa! I–“ “No it is not me! Because I am me, and that makes you not me!” Joey said, closing up the cardboard box once again. “Let me out of here you stupid bastards!” She screeched, banging helplessly against the villainous cardboard menace. “And now purpleeyeswtf is going to kill us all.” Tristan helplessly gestured. “That’s if he finds us.” Pinkie added. Twilight stood there, looking confused. “Who is this purpleeyes?” “Another abridger,” Yugi filled in Twilight on the information. “Kind of like Littlekuriboh. Only he’s more… He has a habit of… Look, he does whatever the hell he wants, and as long as he doesn’t find us, we’ll be safe.” “But doesn’t purpleeyes like ponies?” Duke asked, his theme music not being where it should due to some major slacking by the writer. “Maybe.” “Maybe? He had them in at least one episode of None Piece and Code MENT.” “What does MENT mean?” Fluttershy gave a look of confusion. “I know!” Rainbow Dsah gave “Menopausing Equestrians Need Tranquilizers, and boy does Twilight need those!” “Hey!” Twilight gave a look, clearly telling Dashie to ‘Leave me alone or I’ll tear out your endocrine system and beat you with it’. It was that specific. “Good call, Miss ‘Totally-Not-Trying-To-Flirt-With-Her-Friends’.” Yami replied. “Yeah, I definitely agree with that.” “Screw you!” Dashie shouted in her raspy, slightly boyish voice. “I am NOT a LESBIAN! Even Slorgy thinks and says that, therefore it must be true!” “We’re going off topic here!” Yugi replied. “MENT means: Making Enchiladas; No Tacos, silly!” “No, no, no; it’s Mega Eveready Nano Trolleys. Get it right!” “Now it’s getting annoying.” Yugi commented again as everyone else continued to list out possible meanings. “Mint Encased Nanny Treats!” “Mike Epps Never Tried!” “Middle European Nazi Training.” “My Erget Needs Tanning!” “If everyone would stop talking for a second and pay attention to me,” Kaiba butted into the conversation again. “I found a page of the script.” Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Really? What does it say?” “Show me!” Yami shouted. “Okay then… “ Kaiba pulled out the sheet. {This is what they saw…} (http://i1252.photobucket.com/albums/hh574/Morginator92/TheNote_zpsadd5cb3e.gif) “… I’m not sure if I should continue; It gets pretty good later on with the va-ginias and pe-nieces, whatever they are.” “Not really…” Yugi looked skeptical. “This is useless considering we don’t know who any of those people are.” “Let me read the whole thing in the bathroom!” Twilight blurted out, her face blushing a bright crimson-red. “…Why?’ Duke filled the awkward silence. “Because I’m going to… analyze it’s… er… energy readings! That’s right; Energy readings.” Rarity just seemed confused. “Twilight, I’ve never heard of such a ridiculous thing!” “Trixie also agrees; Twilight is making this all up.” Trixie did the annoying third-person thing. “No I’m not!” Twilight tried her best to come up with a lie. “If I can… Um…” “Read its energy?” “Yes, if I can do that, we may find the other pages.” Kaiba became overly dramatic and wanted to end his project. “Quickly go to the bathroom and read, read the energy like the wind!” As Twilight ran off with the rest of the pages in her magical grasp, she entered the lift and went out of their sight… It took Seto a decent half hour to figure something out. “…She’s not reading its energy, is she?” “Nope.” AJ shook her head. “No way.” Rarity sighed. “Nuh-uh.” Spike said, staring at Rarity’s sweet flank. “I reckon she’s doing it.” Rainbow smirked. “Dashie!” Pinkie exclaimed in confusion. “We just said she probably isn’t!” “Pinkie… She’s doing it, if you catch my drift.” “…I still don’t get it… Oh now I do… And now I can’t stop thinking about it. Help me.” In a prison cell far, far away, in a place that is so remote and devoid of fast Internet connection, popular culture, and Twinkies, ruled by an orangutan with a hairy fist… Otherwise known as the inside of an Australian prison, or the outside; It’s getting hard to tell… “I can't help to feel as though they have forgotten about us.” Bakura said, looking out across the empty corridor where dust accumulated in the vacant cells. That was pretty much everywhere but their cell. “Ugh! I can't take this place anymore!” Bon Bon screamed out loud, stamping her hooves in annoyance. “It's just so… So…” Lyra looked up from her prototype plushie doll she called Wilson the Human. “Dark?” “Cold and miserable?” Was what Bakura had to suggest. Marik took his eyes off his comic book. “Smelly?” “Boring!” Bon Bon gestured towards the ceiling pathetically. “There is nothing to do here!” “Well I just pass the time by reading some erotic yaoi.” Marik said as he went back to reading his pornographic novel, which he found to be quite good considering the minimal lighting and pricey electricit– “Good for you Mari–Wait. Where exactly did you get that from?” “Did you have to sell your body to the other prisoners?” Lyra looked concern for the possible thought of her newfound boyfriend being violated. “No. That's his own copy.” Bakura reassured her, taking the comic book from Marik. “I can tell from the distinct discolouring from his fake tan.” “This tan is a hundred percent genuine!” Snatching back the comic book hastily to read the next chapter. “I just use some for the lighter skin tones on my body.” Lyra just glanced at the comic book, and then back to Marik. “…Where exactly did you keep that comic book?” “It's where I keep everything on me:” He pointed towards his gluteus maxims. “Clenched firmly between by buttocks!” “You're kidding.” Bon Bon said flatly. Bakura just sighed in disappointment. “I believe Marik is being serious here.” “Who knows what else lies in that place…” Lyra just stared at Marik’s perfectly formed cheeks. This then coincidently gave Bakura an epiphany for the matter at hand. Long story short, he got an idea. “Marik, take off your pants.” “That trick is not going to work on me this time!” Marik proceeded to whine like a little b*tich. “You only made me do that so you could escape the fangirls outside our hotel room!” “NOW MARIK!” Bakura hollered at him. “Okay, I'll let you see my beautiful bottom.” Marik unbuckled his chinos and lowered them to show a full moon. Bakura then turned away from Marik, avoiding any eye contact with it. “Lyra, use your magic to get out what's in there.” Lyra gave a look of annoyance. “Why?” “Because we might find a way out of jail.” “Not good enough.” “Do you want me to beat your flank into next week, Lyree?” Bon Bon raised a hoof to her face. “Fine…” Lyra admitted defeat and braced herself for the burning glare of the full moon. “Give me a second to prepare myself. Let's see here… Leg waxing strips, a picture of some random bird…” “You leave Mr. Tweetums out of this!” Marik defended his precious bird. “A tampon?” Lrya continued on with her search. “…Some metallic rod and a weird plastic brick.” “You had your phone on you the whole time?” Bakura calmly spoke to Morik, suppressing his rage. Marik replied with a simple: “Yes.” “Then WHY THE BLOODY HELL DID YOU NOT USE IT TO GET US OUT OF HERE?!!” “I ran out credit.” “Marik, it's post-paid; there is no credit cap.” “But if I call someone, I'll have to pay an extra nine cents Bakura. Nine. Cents.” “Do it Marik! Since you have updated your IPhone, it only has four minutes of battery life. ” “Okay… Who should I call…” Marik just stared at his long list of contacts on his phone. After making his choice, he placed the phone up to his ear. “Hello? Yes, it's Marik…              My vacation was great!                                     …No I'm not in prison!” He then received multiple daggers as the others stared him down; clearly telling him to focus what was on hand. ≤Morgie, you screwed up the grammar again. You were meant to write: “The others just stared icy daggers at him, causing him to shudder; indicating that he should take some action in which they are released from captivity.” That was awesome. Celebration weed: Here I come!≥ [Here is my argument for everything you said. Saker, take it away.] “Maybe I did get in a little bit of trouble, but you can get us out, right?                …Alright then, bye.” Bon Bon waited patiently for Marik to respond. “Who was that?” “I don't know. He was listed as one John Smith.” Marik squinted at the contact details. “Really?” Bakura just said flatly. “John Smith? How bloody generic can you get?” All Marik could do was offer a shrug. “He was number five on my speed dial.” “What are his rates? Fifty bits for fifty minutes?” Lyra teased him. “Hey! *eff* you! This guy is a genius! He told me that all my relatives were exactly like me!” Bon Bon stared at the ground. “More Mariks… I just cannot see that happening.” She said, processing such a thought. And then out of nowhere, this sound fills the empty prison with it’s eerie sound. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sWWNmIV6htI) “No.” Bakura denied what was happening. “Crap in a bucket!” Marik cried out. “I forgot my makeup!” He then pulled out a blush kit and began to vigorously apply it to his cheeks. As the blue police box that everyone expects to appear suddenly materializes within the prison cell, a familiar (and possibly unwanted) face peers out from the door. It was Matt Smith. “Hello, I'm the Doctor.” He said, slowly stepping out of the TARDIS. Bon Bon was having a moment which many academics in the scientific world call a nerdgasm. “OMG! It's Matt Smith!” “Ungh, you called HIM?” Bakura complained, not surprised Marik would call someone like him. “NO! I personally don't like Smith's acting.” Marik reassured himself “But the series has been on a decline ever since he came on board!” “That's thanks to the writers.” Lyra tries to semi-defend Matt Smith’s reputation. “I swear, they must be baked when they come up with some of these concepts. Dinosaurs and robots? It just doesn't make sense!” “And Assylum of the Daleks was awful!” Bon Bon finally agreed to something that made sense. “Um, excuse me?” Matt Smith was trying to understand what in the name of anything was going on. “Shut up Matt Smith! We are trying to have an important conversation here!” Marik cut him off. “I liked Amy Pond.” Bon Bon tried to keep the conversation alive in a desperate way. “NO!” Lyra shouted in denial. “The Ponds were a terrible concept for the series! We didn't need romance!” “The Riversong idea makes no bloody sense whatsoever!” Bakura began to get irritated. “It's all: 'Yeah, I'm your wife and you happen to be my parents'.” The mentioning of his spouse on the show, Alex Kingston, made Matt Smith only curiouser. “How do you know so much about me?” Interrupting them all, another eerie sound identical to before filled the space. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sWWNmIV6htI) “Now I wonder who that could be?” Matt Smith spoke again, looking for where the sound was coming from. As yet another TARDIS materialized, another doctor stepped out. This doctor was much more popular than the other doctor, because he made the series much more tolerable to watch. It was David Tennant. “Hello, I'm the Doctor.” David Tennant said, observing the prison cell and analyzing it with his sonic screwdriver. “Yay! It's David Tennant!” Marik squealed in delight. “Finally someone good showed up.” Bakura smiled slightly. “How can you be the Doctor when I'm the Doctor?” Matt Smith pulled out his sonic screwdriver and began to analyse David Tennant. “I believe it’s called time travel, bitch:” Tennant put Smith back in his place where he belongs. “Get used to it.” He then sees Marik and walks over to the tanned Egyptian. “Now Marik, let's get out of here. There's so much to do and so little time!” “Hang on, you just can't get here and take them with you!” “Well guess what? Enjoy our new life in another dimension as a pony.” “What?” And in that sudden bout of awesomeness, David Tennant Sparta kicks Matt Smith into his TARDIS, setting the coordinates somewhere that wasn't the prison cell. It kind of makes you think about how slack the writer is with forgetting certain parts of the dialogue and putting them in later… I wonder if anyone will notice. “Hooray! We got rid of Matt Smith!” Marik began to frollick in the cell around David Tennant. “But doesn’t that create a paradox?” Bon Bon tried to understand how this would actually happen, kind of like trying to understand the impossibilities in Looper. “There is no paradox whatsoever; he becomes Doctor Whooves.” David Tennant solved the problem and conveniently explained everything. “How does that make sense?” “I have no idea. Now let's get out of here! We need to get back to London now because something very, very bad is going to happen soon.” “In the future?” Lyra asked, hoping to see space ponies, or maybe even an advanced alien race. “No, right now. London just happens to be our first stop.” Bakura sighed inwardly as he realised the irony in his speech. “I suppose it's better than this gloomy place.” “But home is home, right fellow Britishman?” David Tennant said with a cheery look on his face. “…You know that I’m just gay, right?” Bakura gave The Doctor a weird look. “Just get in!” David Tennant frantically gestured towards the TARDIS. “This is a matter of if the universe wishes to continue existing or not!” And so our brave heroes set out for the journey of a lifetime as they made their way into the police box. Stay tuned and click the like button for another episode… of… NONE PIECE! [Okay, now purpleeyes is going to kill me.] ≤Hello my fellow subjects! This is your ruler and your god, Chris. I am here today to talk to you about a few errors that appeared in previous chapters.≥ ≤Firstly, let’s get one thing straight: I do not like Nickelback. My drugs are the only things that allow me to breathe properly and listen to their horrible music. They wrote one good song and they ruined it by singing it themselves. And I do not look like Chad Kroger.≥ [I second that.] ≤Shut up! I am not a meme!≥ [So is Millhouse but he still is one regardless.] ≤Silence! …Now. The second, and the most important part of this announcement is that I am a god. And f*ck anyone who says otherwise!≥ ≤You have been warned. Now remember to vote Chris as your senator for the 2012 Elections and choose weed as your religion!≥ [You’re totally not a rip-off of DC’s Snowflame, which in turn is a rip-off of Marvel’s Deadpool.] ≤Shut up, Morgie! I can be whoever I want!≥ //-------------------------------------------------------// A Birthday Special //-------------------------------------------------------// A Birthday Special A Birthday special written in two days, like a bawss fanfic writer with next to no time and social life! EDIT 24/11/2012:(Except the writer is a spastic that doesn't check his work after writing something in said two days) Not Safe For Anything. Readers are encouraged to gouge their eyes out. That is all. The webcam turns on. It's high retina definition camera zooms in on the subject at hand. A built in microphone picks up the faintest of sounds. Receiving the visual display on the LCD monitor, the image of Princess Celestia, minus her crown. "Hello all of you on the Internet, my name is Princess Celestia of Equestria, and it has been four months or so since myself, my annoying bitch of a sister and three subordinates became trapped in this house by Discord and his gay boyfriend. You don't know how hard it is to be near a substance-dependent bum and someone whose IQ is equivalent to a roll of toilet paper." "I can hear you!" Luna could be faintly heard in the background. "Get back to cleaning up the drug cage!" Chris was supposedly shouting at her. "You're lucky you didn't have to change the crows' newspaper. Thank Saker that he had to die another five times to do that!" "Do you know how to get my blood off the floor?" Saker asked stupidly. Celestia leaned from the camera towards the doorway. "Use the bleach and Ajax Spray-n-Wipe for the blood, Anthony! It's a good trick I learnt which I use frequently myself. You don't know how messy it is at executions." "Thank you!" "Where was I…" The sun goddess gave herself time to collect her thoughts. "Oh yes, why am I doing this? "Stealing his laptop and duct-taping him to the back of a swivel chair without his pants on, I am giving my friend Tom a special birthday present which is being streamed live for free…" Spinning the chair around with her magic, a tiresome and demoralised Morgie pathetically giggled around, trying to flee in a desperate manner. "Mmmnph mmrmph mmmph mmmmmmmmmmm! {Please let me go!}" Were the only sounds audible from the gag and Morgie's mouth as he violently thrashed around, spinning himself on the chair. "Oh hush birthday boy, I'm coming very soon… It's always cute how you struggle! And you won't have it so easy as last time. Also today's Black Friday, the busiest shopping day of the year. Today's the anniversary of the first ever aired Doctor Who episode… and Miley Cyrus' birthday as well unfortunately. She's such a little slut now, probably getting her K.B. from sexual favours." "Nope." Chris replied through the hallway. "She got it all by doing sexual favours for me." "Are you retarded? That's what she said!" Luna shrieked. "I thought Anthony was the retarded one?" "Ha ha, no!" Saker's voice appeared again. "I have a short attention span and he's stoned. At times my hyperactivity gets me killed after I listen to his stoned ramblings." "Uh… Scarlet is eating your eye again." "So that's why I bought scrunchies instead of plastic explosives. Then how did that ice-cream van blow up? Chris, you're not a god and your crow is retarded." "I am a god!" Chris shouted, going into an unexpected rampage. "MILEY CYRUS IS A WHOOOOOOOOOOOORE!!!" "Can you stop interrupting my live stream!" Celestia barked out of the ajar doorway. "Anthony, lock Chris in with his 'children' and play video games with my sister and I'll let you eat my secret supply of toaster waffles. That's with bananas." "You mentioned food, I am interested. Okiday!" Anthony responded. "Chris, Kroze is hungry and Raven is bitching with the Sharingan crow over who takes those crows from Dumbo on a date." "No! Bad Sharingan crow! Get back into Naruto! Daddy's comming guys!" Chris cried out, his loud footsteps could be heard from the hallway. "Luna. You. Me. TF2 World. Capture the Flag. Scout. Pyro. Tag-team. Pwn n00bs. Sandvich. Break. Spam n00bs. Left 4 Dead 2. Pwn zombies. Kill Tanks. Break. More Sandvich. Buy rediculous amounts of Steam games. Now." "O-okay then!" Luna stammered in shyness as the two changed their servers holding a hand and hoof. "Mm-mmph mmph mmf mmf, mmphmmphmmphmmmph. Mmf mmmf mmph! {Release me right now, Celestia. I mean it!}" Morgie shouted in protest. "I know you want to escape, but not after we've had some fun…" Celestia continued to give him dirty looks of pleasure. "Maybe I'm the only one that gets to have fun, but you won't feel much pain, right?" As the poor human squirmed in pure fear and balling his eyes out when Celestia's hooves reached out for him, the screen shows static for a few seconds as Slenderman appears suddenly in the background. "Hi guys, can I be in the fanfiction?" Slenderman waves a tentacle at the two just before Celestia began to lower herself onto Morgie. At this stage, Morgie completely drops nuts, and continues to scream frantically in fear, still muffled by his gag. What he managed to say was impossible to translate through his complete mental deterioration. "F*ck off, Slenderman!" Celestia moved away from her living toy. "Why can't you f*cking leave me alone?!! Every single effing time I try to do something really fun, you have to ruin it!" "I'm sorry." The white slim creature said, defensively holding its tentacles in front of where its face would have been. "I just wanted to be apart of the story. You didn't how've to be a total bitch about it." "You ate an entire orphanage and you call me a bitch?" "We'll I'm not the one who's raping a small child. I for one would want a clean child, not tainted in the way that you touch them." "It's not rape if you enjoy it, isn't that right Tom?" Listening to the conversation after calming down for some time, Morgie violently shook his head side to side. "He says yes." Celestia concluded from his frantic movement. "Mmf mmph? {I am?}" Morgie blatantly said in confusion. "We'll I guess the only way to settle this is with a fight to the death." Slenderman pulled out a Glock pistol and aimed for Celestia's head. "I guess you'll finally die, you pasty freak." Celestia pulled out her tungsten samurai blade with her magic, pushing Morgie's swivel chair onto the floor in the process. Before an epic fight could commence, where Celestia would cut Slenderman up like a piece of meat, an axe head suddenly entered the door with a sickening thump. Stopping the fight which hasn't started yet, the two (minus Tom who was busy eating carpet. That was apart of the floor I mean, not the– Just forget it.) saw a strange creature in a gas mask peered through the gap. "Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmph mph-mph! (http://youtu.be/RAHHiPforog)" The being said, untranslated and impossible to decipher. "The door was open." Celestia said flatly at the property damage. "Let me guess you brought you along, Anthony?" "Mmmmph mph mmmmph." It nodded as it managed to open the door to reveal a burnt Luna, the creature in an asbestos lined fire suit and Anthony in a balaclava and suit, hauling his own charcoal-grilled dead body on his shoulders. "Sorry you guys, I lost the Internet modem and the Pyro came along to help find it for me." Saker lowered the body onto the desk, obscuring most of the camera lens. "And you died only once? I'm impressed." Celestia raised a brow in suspicion. "Surprisingly no. I died only ninety-seven times today." Seeing the familiar balaclava of the Spy on Anthony's adorable face, Pyro immediately swung his giant lollipop into the flying baby's face… Or that's what it thought in its deranged mind when Saker's decapitated head jammed itself onto the axe blade. Respawning again behind the masked pyromaniac, he Falcon Punched it across the room. "Better make that ninety-eight." Saker braced himself as the Pyro slowly walked towards him with his flamethrower in hand. Smashing his weapon over Saker's head, the Pryo wickedly laughed and proceeded to Hadouken his face, melting it to a pile of heated flesh. "Mmph-mph-mmph." It was supposedly adding on to the ever-growing number of times that Anthony had died. After respawning this time, Saker was pissed off more than the time when Twilight was no longer just the name of the early hours of night. "God-fucking dammit, I am sick and tired of being eaten to death, eating to death, killing myself from radiation poisoning, and burning to fucking death ALL THE TIME!" "What about getting smashed by the Tanks?" Luna reminded him. "Oh yeah, and the fucking Tank zombies freaking sit on me for sh*ts and giggles. And I can see you with Krillin's dead body and a hand grenade, Mono." Saker continue to look away from Chris as he shoved the grenade into Krillin's decaying mouth and hurled the body at him. "One hundred!" Chris shouted in victory when he thought the corpse was going to explode. "You forgot to pull the pin, you munt." Anthony help the grenade up. "First you pull the pin as so, then… Fuck." Actually exploding this time, a look of shock was on Celestia's face whilst Luna appeared unamused. "He's died in ways that have been much more stupid than this." She commented. Becoming bored, the Pyro began to burn one of the sofas whilst Slenderman and Chris began to talk. "That suit you're wearing is way too formal and tacky if you're going out to kill someone." Chris observed the state of the creature's attire. "Do you go out quite often?" "Yes, I eat out every night near the park under the moon-less night." Slenderman described the picture of one of his killings to the drug god. "Well I got this suit for you from Satan." Chris said, pulling out an identical suit to Slenderman's. "I loaned it from him." "I'm not sure…" He looked curiously at the dress wear. "He doesn't normally let people borrow his belongings…" "I DIDN'T STEAL IT!!! I LOANED IT FROM HIM FOR A DECADE!" Chris hollered unnecessarily. "DON'T JUDGE ME!!!" "So how was your gaming experience." Celestia said blandly, not really wanting to talk as her romantic evening was ruined. "It. Was. Fucking awesome! Oh sis, I felt so alive!" Luna bounded around her sister like a little filly. "I will never stop playing them forever!" "And that is why you'll be a virgin forever." "What?" Crouching down to Morgie's level on the floor, Saker finally had a normal conversation with someone that wouldn't try to kill him. "Hey Morgie. Look, I don't have a present for you, and I know you have that driving test, so I got you some help from a super awesome British guy." Bringing the Pyro over, it unzipped its suit, revealing itself to be none other than Daniel Craig, international super-spy. Adjusting his suit accordingly and clearing his British voice, he proceeded to speak with the charisma of the original James Bond. "Hello there Tom, my name is Agent 007, and I am here to take you for a driver's test." "Dude, do you realise that he's a spastic at driving?" Saker whispers, still crouching in a very painful position. "Oh please, what could possibly go wrong?" Ten minutes later… (http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=64CDKLMiTGY#t=8s) Suspended by his seatbelt upside down in the driver's test car, Daniel Craig gave Morgie a look of dissapointment. "Congratulations, you passed." "Ah, I sure love these online videos." Jaden Yuki said, closing the live stream video-link on his phone, focusing his attention now on his targets. //-------------------------------------------------------// C.9 - Fifty Shades of ShadyVox //-------------------------------------------------------// C.9 - Fifty Shades of ShadyVox ≤All shall hail knighty's fat chode? Pssh! That is nothing compared to what I could have! Mine is as big as the moon, ____________ers!≥ [After taking numerous therapy lessons and trying not to die in the ridiculous heat of Summer, I have made a recovery from the last proper chapter and a severe case of lazy malaria. My brain may have died in some way but what can you do? Without any postponement, here's the chapter. You cannot believe the torment I've been through with the ________ing formatting bug! This has happened twice and now all has gone to __________. Even what what I _______ now has been partially e______… Saker, can you auto-repair the commenting software?] [God__________ing dammit. Fix the problem now!] <______________ your face!> [Don't make me get out the Sharpie and fill in the blanks.] ≤____________________________________≥ [What the hell did you say?] ≤Saker, f*ck off. Oh Morgie, what was the number of that hooker I killed by letting a train run over her?≥ [Now back to Courage the Cowardly Dog, I mean VCG&M.] Warning: There is no romance in this fanfic, f*ck off all of those who like the actual book. I will go to Costco and burn down the mountains of Fifty Shades books they have on sale to prevent their takeover of the world. Vengeance, Card Games and Magic: Now free of bugs, the blistering Christmas heat and monsodium glutamate. Oh wait, most people reading this are in the Northern Hemisphere. Ha ha! Frostbite for all of you! "…Why are we just standing here looking at him in silence?" Twilight Sparkle whispered as their supposed assailant continued to browse more disturbing videos on his company issued IPhoney 4S. He was suppose to take them out a few weeks ago but occupied his time with a informative music video. "Be quiet." Yami shushed the purple unicorn. "Don't make any sudden movements. Their peripheral vision can't be used to see us if we are as still as statues." "Isn't that assumption for dinosaurs?" Mokuba shouts, unaware of everyone trying to be quiet. "Looks like someone hasn't seen the Jurassic Park sequels to ruin the entire movie franchise." Lelouche couldn't resist himself from the necessary urge to comment. Yami sighed as he was forced to explain himself for Mokuba's sake. "It works on cats when you use laser pointers, so we're hoping something with a lower IQ will fall for that trick." "Dude, I can see you clearly from here and I can hear you talking about me." Jaden said as put his phone away, preparing himself to do… something that might be slightly intimidating. "No you can't! I am covering my eyes and what I can't see can't hurt me." Tristan said, ironically standing next to a Weeping Angel. "Tristan, just give up. We should surrender to his evil might and prepare ourselves for our certain demi–" Yugi bursted into a state of manic laughter, rolling himself on the floor. "I'm sorry, it's too hard not to laugh when I look at you." He said about a minute later when he came through to his senses. Facepalming himself like crazy, the only audible words heard from Kaiba was: "This is a f*cking joke." "Yeah, I would expect something like a bunny to be more menacing than you in that stupid costume of yours." Joey ironically stated, still in his custom-made fur-suit. "Don't even get me started on the overuse of black. It makes me want to throw up." The ivory pony recoiled in disgust from the horrid, tacky outfit. Honestly, just look at it! It would make any sane person want to kill themselves. "The worst possible thing has just been redefined. I mean, what horrid creature could make such terrible clothes?" Jaden began to respond in a casual manner. "My mum made this for m–" "I've seen bunnies much more scarier than him." Fluttershy looked at Jaden with curiosity, wondering if he was some sort of hideous lagomorph only a mother could love. "An' Ah don't understand what's with his stupid accent." Applejack poked fun in another ironic way that is being stated blatantly by the writer in a half-brained attempt to use verbosity as the means to fill in the gaps and prevent script-writing style stories that everyone and their mother could write. "It's like he's speaking another language." Suzaku half-shouted, trying to take himself out with a pan-flute. Seeing that he did nothing wrong whatsoever yet, Jaden tried to defend his image. "C'mon man, why all the hate?" "Yeah, this is Jaden Yuki." Seto Kaiba introduced their assailant party-crasher. "He thinks he's black and likes speaking that way." "Low blow, man; totally uncool." "See what I mean." "That's not Jaden, silly." Pinkie appaered from behind the group, bursting with boundless, ballistic bellows of energy. "It's ShadyVox! Oh I am such a big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big fan of yours!" "Okay, can someone please explain what's so bad about this guy?" Rainbow raised both hooves at Jaden, obviously not getting the point as to how dangerous he actually is. "It's not that he's bad and all, but he's just really really annoying. Also he sucks at everything." Yugi filled her in on the information. "He's not a true Yu-Gi-Oh protagonist anyway with that boring hair of his. It makes you think why they even made GX if they were going to use this guy as the main character." Yami stated proudly. "Now I know why they say death is slightly better." Trixie resolved that joke in chapter six, I mean skuxx. Yes, that was what it will be called. Burning with impatience, Jaden errupted in a plume of rage. "Enough! I have been ordered to eliminate you all." "Well you can do whatever the hell it is you want but you're still that same old wannabe rap artist." "Yeah, we asked for someone remotely interesting, not some cliché as f*ck villain poser." Seto kindly summed up their situation right then. "And who by chance told you to do this?" Lelouche stroked his chin in a thinking manner, donning a top hat and monocle to look classy. Jaden turned back to see the out of story character. "Discord and Melvin. Why?" "I just wanted to know if it was worth my time to hit their gay adopted child." "Take that back, you fiend, Lelouche!" Yami denied the mean comment. "You know that no one in their right mind would want to adopt him! Then again, his momma was so dumb that she had an abortion after nine months." "You're a dick!" The failed villain shouted back. "I'm an ancient Egyptian Pharaoh; that's what I do." "Can we get to the part where we kill Jaden and dump his body outside?" Duke tried to control his unstoppable swag from vaporizing the GX main protagonist. Kaiab decided to change their post-mortum arrangements for Jaden. "Let's give him a shallow grave, like his personality. It'll be more than he could ever afford." "Leave Jaden alone! He's a human!" Pinkie rushed up to Jaden, hugging him before being pried off his waist. "At least I'm doing what you will never do every day!" He gloated in what little pride he had left. "Smoking weed?" "Pretending to be black?" Spike scratched his spiny head, deep in thought. "Acting retarded?" Joey continued to scratch his head in confusion and relief of fleas. "Correction," Kaiba amended his statement. "Being retarded." "I'm actually deep inside bitches whilst you sit at home in your basement, watching your high-class subscription to porn." Jaden lied as he would actually both watch porn and do it with his bitches. "Lol, virgins!" Yami shouted out, only to have Twilight and Yugi stare at him. "…What? I was only insulting Kaiba that time, jeez!" He dismissed their glare. "Jaden, there are these things that you can't afford called hookers. I think your mom likes the term prostitute better." Seto Kaiba gloated for a few seconds before Trixie cleared her throat. "But then again, I already have a girlfriend, apparently. All the rap artist did was smile. "Pretty sure that your relationship with your left hand doesn't make it a girlfriend." "Excuse me? Trixie is Kaiba's marefriend!" Trixie began pushing around Jaden, jabbing her hoof at his chest. "And don't you forget it, bitch! Or I'll set fire to everything you ever loved and cared for." "Plus, I only use my right." The billionaire lowered his head slightly in shame. Being the only one not disgusted by that fact, Serenity was left in the dark on the situation. "…I wonder what he means by that?" "Seriously? Do you really want to know?" Lelouche gave her a look of seriousness. "……Maybe?" Yami, being the 'wise' Pharaoh that he is, decided to 'educate' Joey's sister just for laughs. "Let me put this straight for you: It's the hand you hold your 'deck' with." "But what if I don't have a deck" Pinkie chimed into the conversation. "Could I grasp someone else's deck? Or could I hold their deck with my mouth, is that alright?" "This is starting to sound quite disturbing, but I can't stop looking." Suzaku blurted out something unintelligent as usual. "Just lay back and let him do the work." Lelouche comforted his friend. "And the sex jokes begin to err me." Kaiba continued to give his frown of disapproval. "Yes! Once you put your lips right around it, then you can blow on my whistle for as long as you want, baby." Yami continued to prolong the joke in an unnecessary manner. "I thought it was a deck?" Jaden said, obviously not getting the joke. "That's what I was meant to say. Deck." "I'm gonna guess that this won't last much longer." "Don't worry, it has already lasted longer than the lesbian did: Ten seconds flat, am I right?" Yami gave a look of approval to Rainbow Dash, obviously pissed off by his constant insults. "F*ck you." She said as both of her hindhooves bucked straight into the genital region of Yami. Rendered defenseless, the Pharaoh fell to his knees, writhing in pain and anger. "Why is it always my keys?!! You're a real bitch, you know!" "I'm Rainbow Dash; that's what I do." She said, with a smug, arrogant smile of payback plastered on her face. "Is this going to have some sort of climax?" Jaden kept the joke running unintentionally. "For us there will be, when we kill you!" Tristan pulled out his Glock G22 pistols alongside Pinkie. Whipping up black business suits from hammerspace, both had their guns extended towards Jaden. "I dare you to move, I… Um… I quadruple-septuple-do a barrel roll dare you!" "Any of you f*cking pricks move and I'll execute every motherf*cking last one of you!" The absolute nutcase ripped off his costume, revealing ridiculous amounts of high explosives. "I thank Bastion for letting me 'borrow' his explosive vest." "Oh goodie," Yami sighed. "A Pulp Fiction reference. Bring out the gimp! Hold that thought, Jaden's already here. Never mind, Quentin Tarantino!" "W-what?" "Get him!" "Don't you think this is a bit of an overkill?" Yugi openly asked everyone. "Nyeh, at least it beats a rap battle." Joey shrugged. And mainly to piss of the fans in a cheap, diablo ex machia-style cop-out as a last minute decision, [Shut up, I don't care!] Time magically froze for reasons that are about to be explained… …As I was narrating– …Goddammit, Saker. Back to what was being said, Jaden noticed the unnatural ellipsis in time, turning to see a cloaked man in a hoodie, attempting to smoke a can of Pepsi Next. "What happened…" Jaden turned towards the shrouded figure, looking for an answer.  "And who the hell are you?" "I'm Chris." The no longer a mystery man said. "I would have come bursting out of the ground with an extra hammy entrance, but I didn't." "Never heard of you. So, why did you save me?" "It was all apart of plan where I steal back the Cheetos you stole from me which I stole from that cheetah on the commercials. I wish they were extinct." Chris went back to his can before speaking once again. "All you have to do is give them back and I release you along with some free magic powers. Magic powers! oOOOOOOooooOOOoooo…" "Hmmm, do I get a keychain too?" "By the power of the new episode (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9jLUdINry-I), I bestow upon thee great magi– Okay, f*ck it! Yubel, hold him down. I'm going in dry!" "Why do I need to hold him for?" The demon already possessing Jaden's body questioned Chris' commands. "What I'm about to do will get CardGamesFTW suspended and will insert a bug onto any recently reformatted website, wiping out all important cut scenes involving Jaden!" "Yes, but you also like knocking people out with nerve gas for the laughter out loud." He stopped himself from speaking. "Who are you talking to?" Jaden interrupted. "SHUT UP JADEN OR SO HELP ME I WILL SHOVE A RUBBER FIST UP YOUR BUTT!" "Very nice, I like!"  Shadi appeared out of nowhere in a bright green mankini due to Saker's endless appetite for random things to occur. {One Hour Later} "Seto! You're finally awake! Are you alright? Speak to me!" Mokuba violently shook Kaiba's limp body, his eyes on the verge of tears. All those fake emotions built up inside finally poured out in a metaphorical, and quite literal way. "Ungh…" Finally coming to his senses, he feeling himself being lifted up off the ground after hearing the sweet sound of someone else suffering. "Shut the f*ck up, Mokuba." "Meh, he's fine." The pegasus pony dropped Kaiba, causing him to fall on his back. Trixie  galloped over to her newfound boybriend and cried: "Oh Seto! You're all right! I was worried when you didn't wake up!" "So no one even cares to ask if I'm alright? That's nice." Yugi slowly made his own way onto his feet. A startled Twilight gave a pleasant smlie. "Yugi! We didn't know that you were going to wake up." "What happened?" "Oh nothing much, Jaden thinks he's Connor from Assasin's Creed 3." "God I hate that character!" Mokuba forcibly gave his opinion. "The gameplay is awesome, but Connor is such a whiney bitch!" "So nothing new happened to him?" Yugi made a smug remark. "Hm, now let me think…" Rainbow sarcastically replied. "No! He captured Yami, AJ and Fluttershy!" "That's like what, three out of seventeen protagonists that were here? Sixteen if you don't count Mokuba. As if we even need that asshole Yami. I don't know how you feel about your other friends, but at least we have more screen time." "Jaden also stole the cardboard box, which had both Téa and the script to this fanfiction." Said Twilight, unamused. "And that's bad because…" Kaiba waited for the lavender mare to give him an answer. Twilight sighed as she had to explain herself to him. "It was apart of our plan to defeat Melvin and Discord from doing what they were going to do." "Oh relax, I'm sure with Pinkie Pie and Tristan we will find another copy." Yugi dismissively reassured her. "They aren't here." Kaiba said flatly, scanning the room quickly for anyone else. "Not in this world anyway." Stunned by Kaiba's sudden and accurate conclusion, Trixie managed to stutter: "H-how did you–" "I can tell when there a lack of dweebs in the room. At least I know the furry isn't here." "Uh… Seto…" Mokuba tried to alert his brother, just as the elevator door pinged open, revealing Joey (still in his fursuit) holding bags of groceries towards them. "F*ck me dead." "Gladly." Trixie added on. "Hey hey hey! I bought toaster waffles!" He said, raising the almighty waffles on high. "And I found the last box of Twinkies before the Mayans invade and destroy the world! You would not believe how much of your money I spent on it!" "Sweet, you're back! Did ya get the maple syrup?" Raibow butted in, snooping through the groceries "Where exactly is Duke and everyone else by the way?" Yugi proceeded to answer all the questions that the audience needs to understand what happened. "Your grandfather went on a 'secret expedition' to this place called the Playboy Mansion whilst Tristan, Duke, Serenity, Rarity, Spike and Pinkie ran through the portal to save Applejack, Fluttershy and the script. No one was keen at all on getting Yami back." Twilight quickly recalled. "Now that I think about it, no one actually wanted to do it for them at all. They all wanted to be with Duke. Why would they even save Yami in the first damn place if he's such a jerk to everyone?" "Well I'm glad that a chapter one joke has been resolved. That asshole got what was coming to him!" "Indeed." "So what are we waiting for? Let's go into Kaiba's whatchamacallit and save everyone!" Joey dropped the bags on the ground and proceeded to point towards the Dimensional Gateway System™. "This may seem completely random at first, but I just got this crazy idea." Yugi ceased everyone's movement towards the DGS. "Why don't we just stay here and do nothing until we need to save the world?" "What?!" The lavender unicorn screeched in shock. Trixie was at a loss for words. "That's so… So…" "Stupid?" Twilight attepted to guess what was on her mind. "It's such a dick move!" Joey half shouted in rage specifically from the most populous borough in New York City (no points for guessing where that is). "Even I'm a massive d*ck at times to your friends at times, but this is way worse than what I normally do." Kaiba begrudgingly agreed with the majority on this note. "No, that's actually not such a bad idea." Rainbow Dash began to exploit the opportunities in not helping for once. "Considering how we are constantly chasing after everyone else, I say let them be!" "But our friends! The princesses!" Twilight protested the importance of friendship. Kaiba also unwillingly saw that this plan would hinder him as well. "Who else will we insult? Joey?" "A-nyeh?" Was Joey's involuntary response upon hearing his own name out of confusion. "It would be the perfect way to develop our relationships!" Trixie began to snuggle up to Kaiba, arousing the anti-protagonist in a way that no hot chick will ever please him. That is unless it is a barbequed chicken on a tandouri "Hey, wait a second! You're just stalling us!" Mokuba had to ruin Yugi's plan, making everyone turn around to see him unfastening a very important bolt on the DGS. Responding appropriately to the twelve year old, Rainbow Dash though this was the best thing to say: "Shut up, Moukba!" "No! My precious!" Kaiba shouted out in slow-motion as the Self-Destruct bolt was unfastened, instantaneously exploding into nothingness and coating the room in a thick, dark blanket of soot. "Gee," Yugi said, trying to ignore his handiwork. "I wonder who destroyed Kaiba's Dimensional Gateway System, with a wrench. To be specific this wrench!" He held up his own bloodied wrench. "Though it is a little bit dirty after a couple of months and a lack of originality, but I think someone has learned their lesson very well." [You are so damn lucky that I hate more people apart from you, butt-much.] ≤YOU WILL DIE A THOUSAND DEATHS, MORTAL!!!!≥ "…So does this mean we're not going to Equestria?" Mokuba looked around at the destruction. "Shut up, Mokuba!" Everyone in unison shouted, feeling much better for themselves in the process. [This may be the last time I talk to you, if the apocalypse is true, which I severely think is a retarded idea. Considering that people seriously believed that doomsday would happen last year, and so on before it, the end of the world is complete and utter ____________. So this is going to be brief: Giving more character development by splitting up the groups is what I consider absolute genius. Now with that massive delay, let's say that my script and the notes for the Marik arc were all accidentally shredded when they went through a shredder… when trying to shred my report card of shame and my Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle poster of the antagonist Shredder… that was after I had spaghetti bolognese with shredded mozzarella. Maybe I'm milking this joke too far. Well I'm off! See ya later, Feraligator, Morgie93 (https://i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/6891803904/hB9575823/)] //-------------------------------------------------------// 10th Chapter Anniversery (And no, it is not in 3D) //-------------------------------------------------------// 10th Chapter Anniversery (And no, it is not in 3D) Vengeance, Card Games and Magic: More prowess, words, and originality than My Little Yugi and My Little Marik. Time to stop talking about other fan fics and get this freaking show on the road! 10th Chapter Anniversary: New Year, new-ish concepts, "new" jokes, and who can forget, a relatively new story arc! [Anthony, stop acting like a d*ck. I would have that uncensored to emphasize my point, but forget swearing, I have my moral codes.] ≤Saker, you might want to check what you just said back there.≥ [And you might want to realise that your precious brownies are becoming carcinogenic the longer they are exposed to high heats; they're burning.] ≤The term for you is gimp, bigger bitch!≥ ≤Fine, I guess someone doesn't get to have any of my brownies then, Brigadier bitch!≥ [Now that is why we aren't going to have a scene this episode. Ladies and gentlemen: Your long awaited chapter has arrived.] Meanwhile, thousands of days ago… Knutsford, Cheshire, Great Britain, 2006 An overcast country sky and scarcely crowded streets marked the usual day in Knutsford, as people casually walked about. Though with everyone on the street, preoccupied in getting to work merrily that Monday, not one person noticed the sudden arrival of a typical, deep blue police box. Now if it was a red police box, then you'd probably be in Glasgow forty years ago, but this was a blue police box. And to confuse you even more, the blue police box was not a typical police box, but rather a malfunction in the TARDIS's chameleon circuit that makes this dimensionally transcendental time traveling ship look like the Mackenzie-Trench style police box. Difficult to get your head around? Yes, I know, but what makes it more intriguing was what came out of the police box. Opening the door to their new location, Lyra's brain instantly snapped at the sight of more than one person passing by. "There are so many humanses, my preciouss." She spoke in a raspy voice, Bon Bon walking out behind her, straining her eyes trying to adjust to the low levels of light. "Just look at all their pretty handses…" Lyra rubbed her hooves together in an evil action, almost being stopped by the tenth incarnation of The Doctor, dismissing the potential danger of bringing her along into a world full of her fixed obsession. "Imagine right now what we can do with them. So many naughty, naughty thingss… They must me mine!" Cockblocking Lyra from a potential mutilation spree, the door to the TARDIS swung open knocking her out of the way for their most effeminate-looking member of their group. "Yes! We're in 2006, mother*eff*ers!" Marik shouted as he stepped out into the dreary atmosphere with nothing but a mesh t-shirt and leather pants on him. "And now to exploit the past and predict the future up until 2012 for psychic fame! Wah-hah-hah-hah-ha! It will be the biggest mindf*eff* since I figured out that Severus Snape was in fact actually Hans Grüber!" Bakura, wearing jeans and a granny-knitted jumper to blend in, couldn't help but feel as though Marik's 'evil' plan could have the slight possibility of being evil for once. He just hoped that it wasn't a dream this time. "We could always just blackmail Disney and Warner Bothers so we don't tell the world about how crappy Hannah Montanna and Superman Returns is, for a hefty price of course." "Evil blackmailing evil…" His partner in crime thought out loud over the prospect of more leather pants from his cut of their money. "Ingenious!" "Does this plan involve giving away spoilers too?" Bon Bon glanced back at her slowly-recovering marefriend lying on the stone pavement. "Why didn't I think of that!" Bakura exclaimed as he pulled out his phone to check all the movie trailers out in theaters internationally. "Let's see… What came out this year that can be ruined easily… 300, the third X-Men movie, the second Pirates of the Caribbean movie, The Da Vinci Code, Code Geass, Over the Hedge, V for Vendetta, The Omen, Dexter, the Death Note Anime, Little Miss Sunshine, Borat, Night at the Museum, Pan's Labyrinth, the new James Bond movie series starring Daniel Craig…" "And finally, the most important thing that ever came out of this horrible year." Marik added on to the immaculate list of famous TV shows and movies airing with something far more sinister, evil, beautiful and fabulous… "The Devil Wears Prada! Truly one of the most original movies in the cinema for it's time." Lyra continued to sit on the ground, lost in a trance. "I'm sorry, I was too busy staring at your mid-rift the whole time. Now back to cutting off everyone's hands!" She laughed manically before Bon Bon managed to hit her with the door again. "We are not giving away any spoilers whatsoever!" The Doctor pulled out a street guide for the local area, opening it up as he tried to figure out where they had to go. "The fact that the universe itself could unravel because of it means that you aren't allowed to mess with what's happened." "Awwww. But all that money we may or may not have made…" Marik whined and pulled a face with puppy dog eyes the way that usually made Ishizu give in to whatever he asked of her. This was clearly not having any positive effect on The Doctor whatsoever as a vein on his forehead began to throb violently. "*cough* *cough* buzzkill *cough*" Bakura discreetly muttered so that only the Time Lord could hear him faintly. "The only fun you'll have apart from making up an apocalypse date this year will be helping me stop Mister Billany from asphyxiating himself with a noose." He spoke slightly louder to drown out his irritability to Bakura's behaviour, his nose still deep into the regional map. "I'll be asphyxiating you if you don't let me have the chance to bet on just one horse race for fun." "First thing you should know before you do that is, you can't choke me. Time Lords have a respiratory bypass system that can allow us to go without air for a very long time. And b, I mean two, just one winning horse race could bring about a global economic recession that may take years to recover from." "I don't bloody care what might happen! Being put in prison for who knows how bloody long with Marik and the other pony that acts almost exactly like him is too much for me to handle. And now you expect me to give a f*ck about some guy who is going to kill himself, out of the hundreds of other sods who bugger themselves, over the gain of personal wealth that will be used for extravagant spending?" Not noticing Bakura's blatantly clear resilience in wanting to help, The Doctor merely replied with: "Yes." "That's fine with me!" Bakura raised his hands in acceptance. "You can have your adventure, I'm getting a pint or two for myself. You can babysit him all you want whilst I'll be drinking myself to buggery with the money I make off the local book keepers." He stormed off in an outrage down the street to become a multi-billionaire. "Oh well, one less person isn't going to effect the mission." The Doctor looked back to Bon Bon, being the only person (or really the only sentient being) that he could actually hold an intelligent conversation with that wasn't about hands or who invented the first diamond-studded skinny jeans. "Did you know that he was a local from these parts?" "All I know is that he speaks in that weird accent." She tried to deter away from talking about accents completely, knowing her experience with voice-changing spells. "He's not gay, that's for sure." Lyra said with a burst of self confidence in her voice. Despite being hit in the head by the TARDIS door twice, her judgment didn't seem the slightest bit off. "British? Probably." "…Alright then." The Doctor folded up his map, pulling out his sonic screwdriver in place of it. "Allons-y! To Mr Billany's house!" He lead the way, the screwdriver serving as a GPS system that makes Google Maps look equally as bad as Apple Maps. "How will he know which horse will win?" Lyra asked Marik, who was busy applying extravagant amounts of number 16 bronzer as he walked alongside her. He seemed quite unfazed over Bakura's little outburst, more focused on getting the right shade of tan on his face. "Back to the Future II pretty much explains how everything could be manipulated through gambling and knowledge of past events to gain excessive amounts of money. But the backlash that happens from it could actually mess up with other important events that happened." Marik closed the lid of the makeup container and slipped it back into his pants. "That doesn't answer the question." The Doctor commented, not helping Marik explain the flaw in his reasoning. Bon Bon's gaze demanded that he should actually respond properly this time. "Oh. Um… Look, I'm sure he'll remember out of the hundreds of horses races internationally at this time. Right?" Marik gave a slight shrug of confusion, no one else bothered by his expected response. He then came to a dead halt, everyone wondering what was going on. "We might need to go back again for a moment. I have to go pee-tinkle again." Frustrated with the futility of a human bladder, in particular Marik's, The Doctor let out a sigh of annoyance. "I just don't understand why is it that the TARDIS doesn't even have a toilet." In the deep dark lair of the Kaibaman…  The Present After the miraculous off-screen clean up of the basement, which, by the way, took at least eighty-seven "I haven't done blah blah blah all year" jokes and the viewing of eleven Christmas specials to get through, everyone just did nothing. And of course by nothing, I mean that Mokuba was playing with his Legos and watching Spongebob innocently; his self-absorbed brother reading through every Time magazine that his face was on; Joey and Rainbow Dash were busily playing ZombieU, sucking at it anyway; Twilight Sparkle and Trixie Lulamoon decided to learn and become accustomed to playing a children's card game; whilst the last person in the room began contemplating on the more important things in life… "I wonder what time it is…" Yugi Mutou stared intensely at the modern styled analogue clock. "…In USA because I'm still waiting for The Walking Dead to come back on!" Following the pattern of sudden outbursts of anger, Twilight decided to respond the same way. "Ungh!" She cried out, throwing the rule book of the greatest game on the planet down. "I have been reading this stupid 68 page booklet on Yu-Gi-Oh and these rules make no sense whatsoever!" "Synchro Summon? Face Down Position? Exodia?" A puzzled Trixie recoiled from the glossy pages of gibberish. "This game is so broken that anyone can exploit it! Even your less capable friend is able to break the rules." Smugly looking directly at Rainbow Dash when she finished her last sentence. "Hey! No one says anything about Pinkie Pie like that and gets away with it!" Dash looked away from the TV to reply to the insulting remark. "I thought she was talking about Tristan?" Joey turned around for a moment before his character got bitten by a zombie. "Aw dammit! Not again!" "And that is why newbies always lose at card games." They have no f*cking idea what's going on." "But don't we all have no idea what's going on as well, considering all the highly improbable situations where people bullsh*t their way into winning?" Mokuba finally decided to join into the conversation. "Shut up, you little urchin!" Trixie barked back to him. "Can't you see that we are all trying do do something productive here!" "And if by something productive, you mean reading and playing violent video games, then yes; I fully agree with you." The Brooklyn gamer commented. "Seto, I don't like her." Mokuba whined and childlishly pointed dead straight at Trixie, not even slightly bothered with what the little rug rat had to say. Kaiba just sat in his armchair of bad-assery (or so he liked to call it from time to time) and put down his magazine to counsel with his younger brother. "Cool story; don't care" He said, going back to his reading. "But Seto, I want her dead! You said I decide who lives and dies, right?" Sighing as he realised that simply ignoring the problem wasn't going to help, Seto Kaiba began to lecture Mokuba. It tended to happen when Mokuba tried to speak for longer than three sentences, which was not much but made both of them happy. "Yes, and I also said wanted to try crystal meth once." Kaiba waited for his bother's response. "Uh…" "It means I don't really care about your problems and that there are many other things that I could be doing right now." "Like flagging YouTube videos to compensate for your small penis, when in actual fact you don't even have one?" Mokuba decided that being a dick to his brother and his legal guardian was a brilliant idea with absolutely no consequences whatsoever. "That video wasn't even canon! It was all thanks to that robot I see when I'm in my happy place sometimes. So worth the near overdose that time round." "…Getting back on track now," Yugi said after giving a weird look to Kaiba in response to hearing about his 'happy place'. "Have you tried turning it the right side up? Twilight appeared dumbfounded upon hearing the news. "It was upside down? Oh, it was upside down. This makes it so much easier to read!" She blushed cutely, subliminally flirting with Yugi as apart of her three month plan to hook up. "You don't say?" Kaiba decided to imitate Nicholas Cage's face before going back to his  magazine of him. Turning the page to continue reading the article about himself, he stopped reading to look at his photo. "Damn I look awesome." A few moments later, the booklet right did up this time, Twilight came to a sad,  disappointing, and true conclusion as Trixie gazed over the page. "…It still doesn't make sense." "Let me tell you how I figured the game out." Rainbow snuck up behind the unicorns, putting a comforting wing around both of them. "And it only took me about a week to figure it out." "That must have been fast." Trixie sarcastically groaned in annoyance. "Playing children's card games, or any card game for that matter, is like having sex. You want to do it, everyone has the urge to do it; it's only natural. Everyone gets this feeling from time to time, and the only way to sort it out is by playing card games with someone else. If you don't have anyone else to play with at the time, you could either use a machine or play with yourself. Getting away with watching it on TV is about as interesting as sawing wood. Usually doing that is less satisfactory, and the definition of a loner. Being forced to play card games is not fun at all with strangers, unless you're into that kind of stuff, which in that case, go for it. "Now you shouldn't be too eager to do it if it's your first time. It should be done with someone you trust and won't try to take advantage over you. Cheating and rape is not cool. Once you start, you can pretty much do it anywhere: standing up, sitting down, on a table or even on the streets. And one last thing, always use protection. This is a must if you want to prevent card friction, viruses from other players, and dust from causing any damage that will hinder you from continuing to play." "…Okay." Twilight said flatly, all the colour suddenly fading from her face in shock. "That was a bit too… accurate… And detailed." "At least you did a better job explaining this game that everyone else can actually understand. Are you a moderately skilled fan fiction writer with a useless English major by chance?" Joey said, impressed with the fine detail. Leaning back further into his armchair, Kaiba's eyes remained glued to his magazine. "I swear she was trying to repeat this joke some British guy made on the Internet. God, I miss good comedy." "Where's Bakura when you need to insult someone about being gay?" Yugi spoke to himself after turning back to look at the clock again. "I wonder what the date is today…" Back in Knutsford, 2006 Twenty-two minutes and one hundred and thirty-four thousand, nine hundred and seven pounds (£, not .lb for any clarification) later… Alcoholic fumes and a distinct lack of cigarette smoke continued to mingle within the air, making a depressing, dreary atmosphere within the compounds of the tavern, except for those who were drunk. The only thing keeping everyone inside was the heat compared to outside, that and the fact Daniel Powter's song 'Bad Day' hasn't been played on the radio all day. "I'm a bloody idiot…" Bakura mumbled to himself, deep in regret over the loss of his life savings to the bookies. His body began to ache from remaining hunched over the counter waiting for his misery to end."Marik's idiotic behavior has been rubbing onto me much more badly than I thought. Betting nearly everything I had and not knowing which horse will win was something completely stupid!" "Where the bloody hell is my drink!" "Sorry sir, here's your order." The local barkeep slid his drink down the counter towards him. Inspecting the drink, it was a pink liquid, decorated with a wedge of peach dangling along the rim of the glass and one of those fancy little canary yellow cocktail umbrellas. Apart from the awesome tiny umbrella, everything else just screamed out wrong for the evil mastermind. "A peach martini? Really?" Bakura held the glass to the light before slamming back onto the counter. "Do you expect me to completely destroy my liver with something as piss-weak as this…" He further questioned him by glancing at his name tag. "Jim?" Giving him a simple shrug of the shoulders, 'Jim' responded in a way to not aggravate the furby in any manner. "It's the only drink priced at a pound-sixty." "Very well…" He skulled the weak drink in one small gulp, pocketing the umbrella as he placed it down. "I don't need that tart of a doctor…" He began to rebuild his self esteem from the power of alcohol. An exhilarating feeling flooded his cold body with joy and happiness he had rarely felt in the past couple of years. Nothing in the world could bring him down from this high. Until he began to ponder on who he didn't need to worry about. "Nor that hand-obsessed unicorn… Or Bon Bon and her empathetic understanding of my pain with Marik… And Marik's cute little bottom… Where did my life go wrong?" He allowed streams of tears to freely run down his cold, pale face. "Hey there, sexy. Are you alright?" A very alluring woman next to him in a purple dress said, placing a warm hand ever so slightly on Bakura's shoulder. "No, I'm not alright!" Bakura continued to sob, rubbing away the stray tear rolling down his left cheek. "I see you're very attractive and quite interested in helping me, but I'm in the middle of trying to figure out how to redeem myself for ditching my friends by helping a single man in his twenties from killing himself… Could you come along with me for a couple of hours?" At Mr Billany's Apartmant… "What was there to live for?" He complained to himself in the mirror, soaking up his tears with a white towel that had a gold MB sewn into the fabric. Martin was at a low point of his life. His girlfriend recently dumped him, who he most likely would have been seeing for at least a month to have a meaningful relationship to break up from. There was nothing left for him to do in this world. If only there was a website where everyone could complain about how terrible their lives are. Oh wait, that would just get filled up with whiny thirteen year olds who play first person shooters all year long. And isn't that what LiveBlog and MySpace is for anyway? I'm sure that there won't be another social media website that will do the exact same thing but differently somehow. It would probably be more of a nightmare to live with: All the countless, stupid things people will probably do is more than enough to kill yourself out of sheer anger. That lone epiphany gave him an option to relieve himself of all this misery: Taking his own life. Martin used to enjoy living before his love interest left him for a successful tanned businessman with a Spanish accent and a twirly mustache. Damn those twirly mustaches, they get the girls all the time. What happened to having a beard, or being clean shaven and attractive? Anything he did reminded him of her: washing, shaving, reading manga, staying up late to watch all the classic 80's and 90's movies. She was always there in the forefront of his mind, plaguing his very existence. Considering what resources he had in the gloomy, one room apartment, all he had to work with was a piece of rope. After two hours of trying to replicate a noose from Internet instructions, his masterpiece was finished. So it was a little out of shape… Okay, a lot out of shape, but it would still work. The only trouble left was finding a place to hang the noose up. In that crucial moment of thinking where all good ideas are lost in an instant, the knock of his old oak wood door echoes soundly through the apartment. Reluctantly sighing in defeat, Martin slowly drags himself to open up the front door for whatever salesman or religious preacher would lie behind that door. He just hoped that it wasn't the landlord. Oh please let it not be the landlord. "Can't a guy trying to kill himself get any peace and quiet around here!" Martin shouted out to whoever continued to loiter on his welcome mat. "Yes?" He said as the door swung open to reveal two completely differently dressed men and two differently coloured ponies. "Hello," The hornless horse thing said. Wait a minute, that horse just talked! "I am a pony from the land of Equestria along with my marefriend here and her well-tanned human friend, Marik." She turned her head towards the man in the mesh shirt as the other horse thing with the horn just stared creepily at his hands for something. "Hi." Marik raised his hand, allowing Martin's mind to ask itself repeatedly if Marik was a boy or a girl, seeing no clear indicator. Adjusting his tie to draw the young man's attention towards him, the man in the suit stepped forward and introduced himself. "And I'm The Doctor." "Doctor? Doctor Who?" Martin replied. [I don't usually forget to update on time, but when I do I'm so sorry. At least this isn't like VG Cats or anything, right? These last couple of days have been an absolute nightmare revolving around bike pants and bright pink sweatbands. Don't ask why, what you need to know is that I'm still alive. So, you expected everyone else to be in this chapter? Wrong! Thanks to the three week wait that will be crucial for the next chapter, the other two (three if you count the Big Bro House) sub plot scenes will have to wait for a while. Plus Pokémon X and Y scared me; they already made NSFW images of the new starters. Don't ask how I know that. It's all the Internet's fault stuff like this happens. Mostly 4Chan is responsible, and Reddit WTF to some extent. Listen, should Chris, Saker and I do an audio reading of what has happened so far in VCG&M? Comment. Ask. Ridicule. Question. Point out grammar mistakes. Rebel against the unjust formatting. Burn all the witches. Go completely off topic and I wish you all well. I am Morgie93: Heartbroken, tired, and hardly getting any taller.] //-------------------------------------------------------// Chapter Eleven: The Plot Thickens… //-------------------------------------------------------// Chapter Eleven: The Plot Thickens… My arteries also thicken when lying depressed on my school desk thinking of original things to write. That was until I realised that nothing is original and that everything is a rip-off of something else. Plus LK hasn’t updated in a while, so no new jokes from that department. Season 3 finale, why do you pose the problem of completely f*cking up every singe fan fic writer’s story, except for the ones that made stories like that before it was cool. That was… until the actual episode airs and you probably end up making everyone look like complete fools or absolute geniuses. Oh well, at least The Walking Dead has come back from its mid-season finale already. Daryl Dixon is going stomp my ass if I don't start writing the actual story now, so here it is! Vengeance, Card Games and Magic: The direct result of fanboyitis Chapter Eleven: The Canon Story Line’s Bitch "And I thought Season 4 was messed up… and it still is compared to this place!” Yami exclaimed as the chocolate rainstorm from outside raged on, wildly battering at Canterlot Castle's mighty oak doors. He, along with Fluttershy, Applejack, and Téa were bound together by the unbreakable bond known as friendship. That is, if friendship was a pair of iron-clad shackles for the lot of them, then yes, they were 'friends'. Friends lead by a long chain held by Jaden Yuki, pulling them towards the throne room. Of course, they feared the chains more than their captor, because everyone knows how Jaden makes a kitty become identical to Chtulhu. Not even H.P. Lovecraft saw that one coming. “Where are we…” Téa observed the slightly run-down castle, following a rat scampering across the marble foor with her eyes. It hissed as she continued speaking, much to the pain of everyone else. “It would make the perfect place to set a romantic fanfic if Jaden had handcuffed my hands to Yami's legs whilst he had a ball-gag on. It would be quite sexy to do it in chains and leather masks." After a seemingly infinite silence, no words could have summed up Téa's weird fantasy than the wise wisdom Applejack shared. "…Now that was jus' f*cked up." "Be quiet!" The 'Supreme King' bellowed at his prisoners, creating a squeaking sound as his costume rubbed against his thighs. "It will make my job of kidnapping you a hell of a lot easier if you don't keep reminding me about bad fan fiction!" He directed the last part solely at Téa, who was busy imaging how that very scene with Yami and the handcuffs would play out. Ironically, all of those horrible monstrosities flooded into his mind at once, causing him to shudder violently in disgust. "Ugh, and I thought the yaoi slash fics were bad, and they actually made me want to kill myself." "Then there would finally be world peace if only that happened, or someone else managed to do that for you. Either way, people would be happier without Jaden Yuki plaguing everyone else's existence." Yami took the opportunity to make everyone (and pony) apart from Jaden feel much better than they currently were. “Shut up! Shut up! SHUT UP!!!” Jaden barked aggressively on instinct, not realising exactly what the ancient Pharaoh said but knew it was insulting by nature. Fluttershy jumped slightly and cringed at the harsh tone of her captor's voice. “Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry! I'll be quiet now.” She whispered loudly in retaliation. “I was talking about Téa!” He gestured towards the fan fic writer, still staring into empty space and fantasizing what should never be thought of or repeated ever again. Téa could manage only a few words before getting cut off. “But I didn't say anythi–“ “Denied!” “Finally, someone who agrees with me on that annoying bitch.” Yami tried to weasel his way onto Jaden's good side, trying to find a way of getting out and ditching everyone else. So far the plan was to run and then get shot in the head as he left. Seeing as Téa could be the worst person to be chained to, having himself killed wasn't a bad idea. “Now Jaden, in all seriousness, what is your costume made of: spandex or lycra?” “Well spandex makes me look like a badass and a male prostitute at the same time…” The Supreme King began rambling on about his marvellous black-studded costume, bedazzled with gold trims. “Ah called it!” The country pony merrily shouted, cutting off Jaden from speaking any longer. "Now who's gonna pay up their fifty bits again?" She glanced over towards Yami, visibly pissed off from Jaden's response. Sighing in defeat, the Pharaoh responded calmly, much to his own surprise. “Fine, you'll get your money right after I get a chance to steal Yugi's wallet. And Joey's if he left it in that dog suit of his.” Picking up from his train of thought, Jaden continued to speak. “But on the other hoof…” “Hand. You have hands". Téa corrected him. “On the other hand, lycra is lighter and more breathable despite being too flexible for my liking. So my mom made it out of both for me.” "Wait, Jaden's mother actually likes him?" Yami spoke softly to himself. "Most peculiar…" They continued along what remained of the run-down hallway, various objects littering their path leading towards the throne room. A strong veil of bright colours lit up the room as they walked into the vast space. Beside where Princess Celestia's (extra large) throne would normally reside and be placed under large amounts of pressure stood a man in a French maid's costume, wearing dark-shaded sunglasses that reflected most of the abstract light from his eyes. What was more interesting about this said man in questioning happened to he his ridiculous hair that defied even gravity itself. It extended at least half a meter out in a perfectly formed spike in front of the man. Now directly above where the throne was supposed to be, it was spinning in the air, defying all rules of gravity in the process. Sitting down on that very throne was the, very disjunct and powerful genius behind Equestria's takeover: “Yo, Discord, you crazy son of a bitch!" Jaden shouted out to the Spirit of Disharmony, pricking his ears to listen in on what his employee had to probably whine about this time. "I got the hostages you wanted for some reason.” “Ah, did you bring Fluttershy, Rarity, Yugi, and Mai Valentine for me? My ultimate shipping fantasy is finally going to happen!" Discord squealed in pure delight, moving to the edge of his throne in anticipation. Snapping his fingers, the throne teleported back to its resting place, and himself holding a Post-it note and a pen. "Now all I need is a camcorder and some of those miniature marshmallows as a snack for Miss Rarity.” “Shipping?!” Téa snapped her head forward in excitement from that single word, blurring out anything else that was being thought about in her mind. “C-c-c-camcorder?” Became the first thing to come out of Fluttershy's mouth as her eyes instantaneously narrowed in fear from the last time Rainbow Dash filmed her showering and uploaded the video onto YouTube. She then slinked away so that no one in front of Applejack could possibly see her crimson red cheeks of embarrassment. “Miniaturised marshmallows?!” Yami chortled at the abstract idea of his favorite camping snack becoming smaller than what they already were. "What monstrosities will they think of next? I hope they make something ridiculous like rainbow popcorn. Hah, imagine that rainbow lesbian pony eating some rainbow popcorn! No wait, that rainbow lesbian pony eating rainbnw popcorn and skittles at the same time! She will be tasting the double rainbow as a rainbow! It would be so hilarious! Am I right, Rainbow Da–Oh yeah, she's not here. …I made myself sad." “Wait, you wanted her? Uh…” Jaden glanced around the once immaculate castle in search for the first thing to blame, until he realised that he didn't quite mess things up this time. “I got Yugi and Fluttershy if that's any compensation?” “I demand you take that back! How dare you compare me to the likes of him and his copycat ways!” Téa, being the only one who was willing to be brutally criticized for stating the obvious for the Pharaoh, spoke up. “Yami, he's your future incarnation; of course he would look like you!” He put out his palm towards Téa, as an indicator for her to be a good girl and talk to the hand. "Give me a moment here… I'm figuring this out myself…" In the forefront of the ancient Egyptian's wise mind, Yami was faced with a moral dilemma of his own creation (http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-p2dq2eWckC8/TYNlJegkgPI/AAAAAAAARc8/Mvy6wNVRkaI/s1600/rebecca-black-friday-video-carbusstop.jpg). Do I sit in the front seat… or relax in the back seat… For one, more people can see how pretty I am in the front… but then again, crashing into the windshield and having pieces of glass stuck in my beautiful face is not very attractive, though it may leave one cool-looking scar if I'm lucky… and sitting behind someone makes me look inferior and weak… unless it's one of Kaiba's limousine rides which I steal from Yugi. Then I look both handsome and wealthy at the same time! …But it isn't a limo… Why can't it be a limo? Stupid teenagers! Why can't they spend their money on limos instead of video games? "Hmmm… no." Is what the draconequus replied to his minion's failed mission. "You picked up Applejack, which I was cool with, considering how she's an awesome background character and all." Discord patted the Stenson down so it covered the earth pony's emerald green eyes. "Say that again an' I'll buck you so hard, y'll look like roadkill." AJ gritted her teeth, knowing fully that she could easily do so in her sleep. "But, you just had to bring the crazy fan fic writer. Way to not cause chaos and havoc for everyone else! Now I have to deal with her constant friendship speeches and relatively…" He tried to a word that wouldn't be changed if shown to a child-friendly audience. "Flat-chested figure compared to the walking cleavage." "Why doesn't anyone want me or my body around?" The fan fic writer whined obnoxiously, helping to justify Discord's reasoning for his overwhelming amount of 'Do not want'. Jaden, feeling pity for Téa, actually said something nice to her. "I'd hit on you if there wasn't any talking involved whatsoever for the rest of our relationship. "Jaden, I beg of you not to break up with Téa!" Yami shouted, a look of terror perfectly painted on his face. "Why? Will she go on a murderous rampage and kill every woman who so much as looks at me?" "No, that's exactly what she won't do. What she will do is end up singing a song about the break-up. And just as a heads up, it's going to be worse than Adele and Taylor Swift combined." Noticing the deity of Chaos shaking his head in dismay, Jaden immediately snapped at him. "What? Why the f*ck are you pissed off at me? I GOT YOU FLUTTERSHY, YA DICK!" “You. Screwed. Up." Discord spelled it out crystal clear to his henchman. "But I give you a little bit of credit for your effort. I assumed that you were most likely going to wind up dead on my doorstep after taking on the Pharaoh, yet alone, Fluttershy." "Sweet! I always knew you… had… faith in me?" Jaden slowly came to a sudden realization. "At least my bestest friend is here for me to play with!” Discord threw his arms open, bearing a psychotic grin. "Eep!" Fluttershy retreated once again behind the strong build of Applejack, her eyes only just peering over the side this time round. “Can I get vacation leave now? 'Cos I can't stand him, and she is really pissing me off now.” Jaden gestured towards the Pharaoh and Téa respectively. “And now to think of the perfect place I can write about us making love, and then friend zone you after we re-enact my fan fiction word for word.” “Fine, I guess I can give you a trip to Europe if you'd like.” The draconequus half heartedly suggested, flipping through a couple of cook books and real estate manuals. “As long as it's Germany this time and not f*cking Venice." Jaden began reminiscing his times in the Italian city. "I don't know about you guys, but random dragon attacks, crappy 3D effects, and cheap Italian accents are so not my thing.” “Alright then, aufviedersehen! (Though I'll never see you again!)” Discord snapped his fingers, Jaden vanishing almost instantly towards his European 'holiday'. “Wait, did you sent him back to World War One?" Yami casted a glare of disappointment towards the seemingly 'nice' thing Discord had just done. "Because if you did, you were supposed to take him to the second one of those. That's where all the fun happened in history.” “Well, I don't know what is so enjoyable about Berlin being invaded by Napoleon in the 1800s, but in no possible way is it as painful as March the 25th, 2011: Now that was a good day for chaos." “Wait a minute… France invaded another country? And there aren't any references of Nazi Germany?” Yami attempted  to get his head around the seemingly impossible and most likely made up statements of France actually starting wars which didn't result in them surrendering miserably. “Kudos for originality!” ≤But everyone knows about Nazis! No one gives a crap about a short man who conquered Europe and died of a bleeding ass. Jokes about World War Two are the only good jokes about Germany!≥ [Hmmmm, we dislike thiss one alot, my Precious…] ≤What the fuck, Morgie? Holy sh*t… I did it! I beat the f*cking censor bleep! Hah ha! F*ck you, New 4Kids, I win! Ah hah hah hah! Ah hah hah hah haaaa…it was a one off teaser, wasn't it?≥ “Discord, how could you!” Fluttershy sternly glared at her rambunctious friend, knowing that was not acceptable whatsoever. Tapping on her shoulder and whispering quietly to her, Yami filled her in on the draconequus' actions. “I don't mean to interrupt you, but anyone else would have killed Jaden the first chance they got, and no one would care. Period." “Ah think she's talking about the whole 'being evil' thing again." The country pony pondered for a moment. "Didn't ya stop going down that street?” “All roads lead to chaos, my dear Applejack." Discord conjured a Rubik's Cube to further show his point through jumbling it up in front of them. "As long as there's a change in status quo, then I'm there.” “B-but why did you team up with that meanie after everything we went through?” The Pegasus finally had enough courage again to ask her powerful friend about his co-operation. Sighing before strolling down memory lane, Discord began his story. “First off, Melvin and I are somewhat ancient BFFs, despite him claiming to be someone's imaginary friend as a genesis story. We go all the way back to the year 666 AD. Our relationship started to become serious after Y2K when we first made sweet hatred to each other at midnight. To our disappointment, someone actually fixed the bug and pretty much saved the world from our nuclear fireworks. A total buzzkill if you ask me. “For the whole 'taking over Equestria' part, I pissed off ol' Celly by not only spoiling the Season 3 finale with Alicorn Twilight (and enjoyed trolling the sh*t out of her at the same time as to what would happen), and losing her super-pricey copy of naked Jenga!” "I know that feel." Yami willingly admitted his true feeling to such a distressing subject. "Was it the 24 carat edition as well as the erotic box art? I do believe that the gold they use now is red and the set doesn't look as retro as it was back in my day." "No, just the box art. She had at least… seven other copies in her bedroom alone! It doesn't justify her PMSing and turning me into stone, again." Discord puffed a heated breath of pure anger; his mis-matching arms folding over each other as he looked away for that extra dramatic effect. “Ah, figures why you'd want to overthrow her throne and bring about the end of everything fun in the universe.” "Wait, how?" Téa, in a confused state of mind, babbled the obvious answer. Helping out Yami to clear things up for the friendship enthusiast, Applejack responded flatly with one word. “Censorship.” “Oh.” She lowered her head in shame, forgetting something so annoying, yet so commonplace. “It wasn't my idea to do something so controlled and ordered.” “We kind of had an agreement after near fatal hug and roughly about two thousand years of bonding time. Melvin is the one who wants everything to be bland, beige and square.” Once again, the friendship enthusiast asked another redundant question. “So why did you…” “Téa, he just explained that Melvin is the only one who actually wants to kill us.” Yami dead-panned his response to highlight his anger with her. “The poor thing!” Fluttershy gasped. “All he probably needs is a big hug to realise what he's doing is wrong.” “Unless you enjoy having large volumes of blood outside of your body, then be my guest.” The draconequus pointed out crudely to his true friend, being as blunt and protective as possible. “I actually looked normal before he cut me up and pieced me back together. The Hair Guy will most likely clean you out of the carpet as usual. Isn't that right, Hair Guy?” Standing next to the throne for the entire conversation, the Hair Guy in his French maid outfit spoke. “Attention duelists, my hair is sore from removing all the stains out of the new carpet.” "Wait a minute…" Téa noticed something wrong with what the Hair Guy and Discord said, and had yet another question to ask. “I thought you said…” “Attention duelists." The Hair Guy cut off Téa from asking any more. "You do not want to know the other stains that have been on the carpet. Trust my hair on this one: My hair has seen what most people need therapy for. Now if you can excuse me, there is a filly-grabbing class that my hair needs to attend.” He began walking out of the room towards the main entrance, leaving the premises and clocking off for the day. “Ah'm guessin' this relationship ain't workin' out that much b'tween you 'n' the psychopath.” Applejack attempted to sympathize with their captor. “He's so single minded and predictable!” Discord transformed his throne into a therapeutic lounge, laying back into the cushions. “Everything we do involves inflicting pain and suffering on those nearby along with extreme amounts of blood. Did I mention he poured fake blood on the sofa, the linen floor, in the water pipes, and then had me smear a bucket of real blood all over his naked body. It was how we celebrated Saint Valentine's Day after stoning an old man to death for Melvin's sh*ts and giggles.” “Wait, how did you know it was real blood?” Téa automatically locked onto 'Ask about everything' mode in her mind. "Did it belong to the old man?" "Osiris-dammit, Téa!" Yami barked irritably. "Why is it always you with the f*cking questions!" "Well maybe I'm just curious to find out why everyone chooses to do something completely stupid that could easily be avoided!" "You clearly haven't heard the old saying about curiosity yet. It goes something like this: 'Curiosity killed the annoying bitch with the power of mind crushing'. I hear it's based on a true story that will happen very very soon if you don't stop asking so many questions!" "Make me!" Téa whinged, dissimilar to the way an infant behaves when it's time to go home from the carnival. "Answer my question now! Or I recite friendship speech number seven thousand two hundred and eight!" The eyes of the orange pony contracted instantly as Applejack pleaded to Discord. "No! For the sake of yerself, don't let her do it!" "Fine, fine. I'll tell you regardless if you like it or not." The Spirit of Disharmony grumbled, before mentally disturbing everyone in the room. “He made me lick all the blood out of his…” Applejack attempted to drone out the graphic and detailed explaination. “Ah don't wanna hear about it! Lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala…” “I have the strangest wingboner right now.” Fluttershy commented about half way through Discord's recount of what happened, her wings fully extended, unable to contain her excitement. The Pharaoh also had something of importance that the writer was 93% sure he didn't need to say. “Exactly what she said, only much more visible… and in my pants.” Stopping mid-sentence and losing his placing, Discord changed the subject to the Pharaoh's typical attire. “By the way, those leather pants of yours are so old and boring! Unless you're becoming a hipster, we should get you out of these trashy things. Why don't you have a pair of brightly-coloured jean shorts instead!” He snapped is fingers, converting Yami's simple black pants into a salmon-pink pair of denim short shorts. It would've been enough to put Rarity in a fashion coma for at least… a week! And from that point afterwards, who knows how long it would probably take for her to fully recover. “Change me back, you… whatever you are!” The Pharaoh protested, Téa looking straight at Yami's tush being covered by a more revealing fabric. “Now my playtime's over, you four should best be leaving.” Discord snapped his fingers once again, restoring the leather pants back to their original state and at the same time removing the shackles from their arms and legs. “So yer against Melvin, despite all the evil things y'all did t'gether?” Applejack shook all four legs and began to freely move about. “Chaos is my thing: If there were to be no disorder, unnecessary violence or the Internet, then I would be out of business! Leave whilst you can or Mister Stabby McStabbington Esquire will enjoy a nice game of 'How fast can you drain a body of all its blood'.” Discord's throne transformed into the Iron Throne, disproportionate and twisted swords extending from deep within the back of his seat. “The record by the way is six minutes and fifty-two point eight three seven seconds.” The only thing that Téa needed was one more dying question to be answered. “Before I go, there's something I have to ask you which I haven't already asked you so far…” AJ glanced nervously towards the insistent and persistent friendship maniac. "Téa, are yer sure that question has t'be answered right now an' not when yer at least nine states away from him?" “Oh come now, Applejack, have a bit of trust in Téa.” Yami willingly supported the fan fic writer blindly this time round. “As if she could undo everything that's been done. We got kidnapped by the bad guy, who told us that he's not the real bad guy, and he is letting us walk away as if nothing happened. How can things get any worse?” After receiving a nod of approval from the Pharaoh, Téa went ahead and asked The draconequus her question. “When you and Melvin are actually having sex, is it censored, offscreen, or just implied?” Moments of awkward silence began to creep in after the annoying fourth wall commentary. Only seconds later, the Spirit of Disharmony let out his biding response. “…This is… UNACCEPTABLE!!!! A billion years dungeon for the lot of you! And an extra million for you!” Discord screeched and hollered at the quartet, his head turning into the shape of a lemon for further allusion to the reference being made. You know the one. Taking the time to glare menacingly towards Téa, the fires of anger burning deep in his corneas, Yami coldly said. “I take back every positive thing I've said about you, and I will hate you for as long as I am awesome; It's going to be quite some time until you're even reconsidered for the Bakura zone.” Whilst he was actually saying this, Téa was becoming more aroused from the frigid and merciless way he was treating her. And then it was sweet Fluttershy's turn to comment on the shipping maniac's actions innocently. “You stupid, *bleep*ing *bleep*! How could you completely *bleep* this up!” She bellowed so loudly, even the Spirit of Disharmony had to cover his ears for this one. “I was trying to ask a friend not to put us away and then you come out of nowhere and just *bleep* everything up for all of us!” “That's not very nice coming from the Element of Kindness.” Téa said in a de-facto manner to Fluttershy as all four of them began to slowly fade into the dark cloud forming around them; Discord's cackling faintly heard with the shadows rolling in and about the four. “Neither is *bleep*ing everything up, you *bleep*ing fucking bitch!” The enraged pegasus shrieked in outrage, only to be interrupted by the hysterical laughter from the Pharaoh. “What the *bleep* are you *bleep*ing about?” She gave him only half of the stare's power to break his moment of fun. “I'm so sorry, it's just that I love this guy!" Yami pointed out the censor button in Discord's paw as the chaotic deity slouched back in his throne. "I mean, he's just like Q from Star Trek! Hey Discord, after I've done my time, we should totally catch up and have a movie marathon at my place…" The Pharaoh shouted out, the thick, bleak shadows almost consuming them all. "Which will most likely be Yugi's place… But why would I invite someone so lame and uncool to a movie marathon with Discord, even if it is his place… Buying my own house will solve that problem immediately… But I also need a huge TV with surround-sound and BluRay… Hmm, I wonder how much money on Yugi's credit card can borrow without expiring… Better yet, how long will it take Kaiba to realise that I pawned some of his stuff!” "Time for my 'Forgive me, I'm your friend' speech number sixteen!" Téa began to recite her extremely long rendition of a simple appology. "Ah hate y'all so much…" A disgruntled AJ grumbled. The shadows having enshrouding them fully, they dissipated almost immediately, revealing a poorly constructed trap door and a smoke machine placed underneath the trap. "I think I just went number three again!" Was the faint voice of Yami that became barely audible as the four fell down the shaft. Discord leaned back into his throne, proud with the choices he made in not sending them to the Shadow Realm but rather the Canterlot Dungeon deep within. There were absolutely no loose ends to tie up after that little encounter. “Are they gone now, master?” An ominous voice from the shadows seemingly filled the room; its voice, raspy and strained, would send shivers down the spine of the draconequus himself, had he not known what it was. “Yes, you can come out now.” He calmly spoke. The creature slowly crawled down from the roof, its pasty skin reflecting whatever candlelight was available. It wore the most intriguing of clothing, donning a loincloth, a top hat and a monocle. (http://i1252.photobucket.com/albums/hh574/Morginator92/Fancy_Gollum_zps1fc739fa.jpg) Whatever it was, it hobbled along the marble floor until it reached the feet of the draconequus. “Filthy protagonistses, alwayss sstoping the inevitable…” “Indeed. So being bad is much better than being violated by Celestia I presume?” “But they are sstatues now, master! No more alicornses!” It shouted in happiness. “Good, now back to your typewriter, my pale friend. I must congratulate Limey-Man's accessibility to a dangerous disease such as Wanker's Cramp, and the ability for you to degrade to something like this. Why aren't you sounding British yet?” “Eigrom iss immune to ssuch thingses.” “Now nothing can stop the chaos…” “But the prisonerses; the annoying bitch changes everything! Evil Morgie doesn't likes other writerses!” It snarled in disgust. “There, there. No more hate, only violence… She won't figure it out. No one ever will!” “You mean with the sex?” “Yes, the se–what? No! How to uck up-fay the an-play!” “Ah! Master iss very clever!” “Of course I am, yo!” Discord stood up, pointing to the roof in excitement: Part two of minus five point eight was about to begin. “Now all we need are the Millennium items and prepare myself to send everything up sh*t creek! Fo' shizzle!” “It's cliché, repetitive, and boring, but at least it gives Eigrom a job.” [(Wait a minute… that sonovabitch swapped places with me! Saker, change me back!)] [Eigrom dislikes the wierd friend. (I f*cking called it.)] <…Hoh fuck. He knows how to do the thing we do that I can't explain because question mark, fruit loops, birthday, winning.> ≤What?≥ [(Chris, do something, for your sake! Mind crush him, or set your crows on the degenerate!)] ≤Nah, that won't work. One, I'm too high for all of you dogs to hear me at all. Two, it is way too dark here and we need some good music playing as I speak. And c, it's your body: therefore it is your problem. So shut up and deal with the voices in your head like I am. Be quiet, George Clooney! Get out of my brain! I don't even like coffee! Caffeine i s an inferior drug compared to my blood.≥ <…Three words describe all of that: Are. You. Awesome?> ≤Yes, yes I am.≥ //-------------------------------------------------------// Chapter the First //-------------------------------------------------------// Chapter the First Vengeance, Card Games and Magic Story by Morgie93 Creativity Advisor: obsidianreaper Temporary Chief Editor/ Test Subject:  Sketch Chapter the first: Obsession with Vengeance Note to those who read this: anything in these brackets [   ] is me commenting on the situation and/or giving author's notes on the go and/or being directly involved. Now, without further delay, here is a crappy [and my first!] fan fiction that could potentially be okay. [Stop being so optimistic, it’s depressing.] It has been about year since the events of Yu-Gi-Oh Season 5 and the return of … Let’s say… a main antagonist that is pretty crazy. Everything is back to normal in both worlds. In Domino City, Yugi Mutou now runs the Game Shop with Grandpa and Joey. Téa still works as a waitress and has started dating Yugi. Duke and Tristan are still trying to hit on Serenity who is living with her brother Joey under his protection. Over in Ponyville, Twilight Sparkle still runs the library with help from her number one assistant Spike. Applejack is busy with running Sweet Apple Acres and Fluttershy as usual has been caretaking for injured animals. Rarity was busy trying to finish off her dress designs for the upcoming season. At Sugar Cube Corner, Pinkie Pie continues to help out Mr and Mrs Cake with the shop. And Rainbow Dash? When she wasn't busy being the weather manager, she was practicing her moves to try and join the Wonderbolts. [Boring, we know that already! On with the story!] Both groups of friends have saved their worlds on many occasions: eternal darkness, ancient forces out to destroy every living thing, and so on. Things have been quiet though... for now. Though it may seem like a peaceful time now, but who knows how long it will last... As the two biggest egomaniacs prepare to bring down their rivals for good, something else is getting ready for a final act that may leave both worlds in ruins. Enjoy! [Or not…]                   ***************************** The Afterlife Yami hated the afterlife. If he had the choice to be reincarnated in any of the Yu-Gi-Oh series instead of being stuck in this bleak world, he would take it. Even if it was Yu-Gi-Oh GX… only if he was that desperate. He missed beating Kaiba in the children's card game and insulting all of Yugi's so called friends. I mean come on! Joey is obnoxious as hell, Tristan is dim-witted, to be nice. Duke happens to be... quite sexy... And Téa, always on about friendship. It's so annoying! Yami, or was known as Atem, ruler of Egypt over five millennia ago, was finally at rest. It was great in the afterlife, but he missed the land of the living. The feel of the warm sun on his face, the breeze blowing in his spiked hair. And his friends: Téa, Duke, Tristain, Serenity, Joey, and of course Yugi Mutou, his future incarnation. If it wasn't for him solving the Millennium Puzzle, he would have still had his soul trapped within the Millennium item. Not only that, Yugi had also shown him the darkness that the ancient pharaoh had inside himself. With the help of Yugi and his friends, this darkness in his heart was gone. "Morgie, I don’t like this." Yami spoke into the Afterlife, making contact with the writer… [Yami! It’s four in the morning here! What do you want?] "I sound like an out of character poof. Repeat the second last paragraph!" [All right then. But I’m warning you. This is my one and only favour to you. Are you sure you want to use it?] "Of course I do! Nothing bad is going to happen to me at all! The whole plot revolves around me being in this story. Now do it!" He bellowed. [Fine, have it your way! Irony is heaps funnier anyway.] “What?” Yami questioned the writer’s response. [Forget that last part.] Pffft! As if Yami even cared about those so called friends of Yugi's. Tristan is as stupid as stupid could possibly be, Téa, who never seems to stop talking about friendship. Along with the annoying Joey, Duke, who is quite attractive to anyone, and Serenity. I don't even remember how I even ended up in that bloody puzzle anyway! And for all the times I had to save the world. Man, it got annoying!  Having to prevent Anubis, Reshef the Dark Being, the spirit of the Millennium Rod otherwise known as Melvin and The Great Le- Whoops! Nearly gave away the plot for the future (or the past?). [Breaking the 4th wall already? Jeez! This is going to be a long story.] Oh how Pharaoh wished he could go back to his friends, not. It was so bland here and to have one more adventure would make him happy again. It's a shame the Millennium Items are sealed away... that and there is no evil forces that need to be stopped. Still, Yami didn't regret anything that he had done, apart from allowing Yugi to stop him from killing Kaiba in Season One or stealing Joey’s sandwich. Speaking of arrogant pricks, I feel sorry for anyone who has to deal with him now! Ha Hah! Kaiba.                   ***************************** Some desert somewhere in Egypt "Is this where you wanted us to excavate, Mr Kaiba?" The contractor asked the sharply dressed man. Seto Kaiba merely shrugged in response to the contractor and said: "No, I want you to find the lost treasure of 'One Eyed' Willy in the middle of Atlantis. Why else did I hire you to dig at this very site in the first place! There happens to be some very important artefacts in this desert, and so far you've come up with nothing that even resembles them! I should be asking you a question, why haven't you found these things yet?" "Well, Mr Kaiba, it has only been a few weeks and-" "And you have gone down nearly twenty five thousand meters with no results" Kaiba interrupted the contractor, "I want your men working longer on the excavation. Trust me; by the time they find these items of interest, they will be handsomely compensated for their work." Just then, an archaeologist of a short stature and pasty white skin appeared before the two, panting as he struggled to speak. By the looks of the man, he probably ran the whole way here from the site. "Sir, *pant* you better *pant* look at what *pant* we found *pant*." The contractor and Kaiba both looked skeptical about the news. Kaiba probably assumed they found another trinket or some ancient hieroglyphs that was important to a historian. The contractor was certain that Kaiba would ignore the findings and make them dig another thousand meters into the ground. At this rate, they would end up digging a hole to China. "Let me guess," Kaiba said, unmoved by the news, "You found another stone slab with more hieroglyphs talking about some Pharaoh dating back more than five thousand years ago?" The archaeologist vigorously shook his head. "This time it's different! They are like nothing we have seen before!" "Might as well see the site for myself then, if it's that special..." "No need for that, sir. I carried them here with me, all seven items." And with that, the archaeologist pulls out of his satchel what appeared to be an ankh made of pure gold. Next, he took out what looked like a golden eye along with a necklace. Along with this was a scepter, a set of scales and what looked like a dream catcher. Six out of seven, but still, the one Kaiba wanted wasn't there...yet. Finally, the archaeologist pulled out a small, golden pyramid and placed it into Kaiba's hands. "Now, Mister Kaiba," The contractor gleamed, barely able to suppress his smile "About that money you're going to pay..." "I lied." From there, Kaiba ran to his private helicopter and decided to GTFO of Egypt. The contractor and archaeologist just stood there in a dazed state as the KaibaCopter flew into the distance. "Fuck!" [Apparently 4Kids doesn’t censor parts of Egypt.]                   ***************************** 8 months later Kaiba's mansion Kaiba’s POV I can't believe it has been nearly two years since I first battled Yugi Mutou. In our first duel, I saw him as a weak, pathetic excuse for a duelist. After that same duel, I was mentally crippled. There is no explanation that I, The Great Seto Kaiba could lose to a wimp like him!! 'That was nothing but pure luck!' I kept saying to myself. It was a fluke! But that was just the beginning... No matter what I did, or how much advantage I had, he consistently defeated me. I kept denying the truth and continued with my life goal: To humiliate Yugi by beating him in one duel without him forfeiting. Trying so hard only damaged what was left of my ego. I already had riches and was one step closer to becoming a god of Duel Monsters. Being the best in the world! Only if I had never lost to Yugi Mutou. He was the one who always defeated the villain, saved the world and got all the attention! What about Kaiba? The orphan who rose to the top and revolutionized the game of Duel Monsters? Not even a bit of respect! Yugi had always gone on about the power of friendship and how having friends can help accomplish anything. If that isn’t bullshit I don’t know what is! My little brother and I were fine with each other. Besides, it has always been me and Mokuba, no one else bothered to help us out. Even our ‘so called’ foster parent Gozaburo Kaiba, he adopted us and used me as a way to bring back his dead son! But that plan was never put to use. Using my skills in economics and business, I eventually bought out KaibaCorp and overthrew my tyrant of a foster parent, making me the world's youngest millionaire. Of all the things I did in this world, they were for Mokuba. I would move mountains, drain seas and even work with Yugi Mutou just to save him. He means everything to me, and I am prepared to do anything to keep him safe. I still don’t like working with Yugi to help Mokuba. Anything else accomplished was a mere bonus: saving Yugi's grandfather, saving Yugi's friends and even saving the world! They all meant nothing to me. My one goal is to defeat him and after months of planning, I think the moment I will defeat Yugi once and for all is at hand. Why is this sounding like I give a crap about Mokuba? [Blame the writer. Oh wait, that’s me...]                   ***************************** The Great Wilderness, Some jungle-like place in Equestria The All Powerful Trixie was famous around all of Equestria until she went to Ponyville and met Twilight Sparkle. Trixie was praised for her amazing abilities in magic. Even as a foal she had a natural aptitude for magic. Trixie was the top of her class and did not know a single unicorn that could possibly be better than her... She didn't even realize that Princess Celestia had her own student. Twilight Sparkle made me look like a fool! I was seen as an arrogant show off but I KNOW the truth. Trixie will rise again stronger than ever! But of course she needed to be stronger, how else will she become truly great and powerful? This new spell that Trixie has been working on for months is nearly ready. Twilight won't miss this magic trick though, as it will be her last. Everypony shall see my powers first hand and then Trixie will get the respect Trixie deserves. That day when we duel will come soon... Even though it has been two years since that dreaded embarrassment, the New, Improved Trixie is better than ever. Anypony foolish enough will end up becoming nothing but dust. She then shouted out for all of Equestria to hear her "At last my plan for vengeance will happen! And nothing in Equestria can stop me!!!" Amongst the dense foliage of trees and vines, her voice carried out throughout the rugged jungle.                   ***************************** The Shadow Realm The two powerful entities inhabiting the realm had been back for a year or two after they were sent here, again. They were talking about their enemies who vanquished them to this place. "I feel sorry for you, to be beaten by a bunch of ponies twice!" The humanoid spirit said. "At least I have a body to return to!" the other spirit retaliated. His figure was a mash of different animals crudely attached together. "I can easily conjure a body up, if I could get out of this place!" "Boo hoo! You would think that after five thousand years, there would be some way to escape this place... what is your name again?" "They have called me many things, my dear Discord. A nightmare, a killer, a monster, but you can call me Melvin." "So, Melvin, please explain how your host managed to break from your control." "Long story short, my host, Marik Ishtar, tried to grow some balls and attempted to defeat me. I take full control of his body, give some people a 'hug', hospitalized a couple of the Pharaoh's friends, blew up a ship, and then the little wuss trades places with me in a shadow duel and I end up here! Tell me how you managed to fail!" "My plan was perfect! Nothing could have stopped me! But somehow, this purple unicorn broke free from my control and did the same to every one of her friends and defeated me! That then turned my body into stone, again. And now my spirit winds up here! By the way, how are we going to ever get out of this hell hole?!?" "I've been here four millennia longer than you have. If I knew a way to get out, don't you think I would be elsewhere? Besides, this place acts as a medium between our worlds. It's the only reason to how both of us can see each other, yet alone communicate." Discord paused for a moment to ponder on their circumstances, putting his 'paw' to his chin, as if he was posing for some statue. Regardless, the distorted being finally spoke once again. "Melvin, I have an idea..." Melvin stood, or levitated where he was (one or the other) while Discord explains his detailed execution of his plan. He would have spoken out loud but there was always the chance of the writer copying out everything he says word for word. After what felt like hours of planning, Melvin finally said something that the writer could hear. "That would be great if there was a way to get out of here!" "Oh there is always a way! And your little friend Kaiba is going to help!" "They need a distraction though, and he is not my friend!" "Don't worry, everything will sort itself out. All we need to do now is wait..." "..." "..." "...Would you like a hug?" "No, I would like to beat the crap out of the writer, whoever he may be until he pisses his pants! This isn’t how I would do things at all!" Discord bellowed into the empty space. "Yes, there isn’t enough murder for my liking." Melvin added on. "And the worst part is the explanation of our failures! Who does he think he is? Spiderman?" [Aaaaaaaaaaaaand now we’ll be moving on to greener pastures.]                   ***************************** Meanwhile, at Kaiba's Mansion "I will," Kaiba bursted out from thought, "I am going to end Yugi Mutou once and for all!" Mokuba had just stared at his brother across the dinner table, stunned by his sudden burst of anger. There was a long silence, unbroken silence before Mokuba spoke again. "Seto, are you okay?" He finally asked, breaking the daunting silence. Kaiba snorted, "I'm fine, it was about him again... he pisses me off, that's all.  Every time I see him it just makes me want to destroy him!" "Whoa, Seto! You're not trying to kill Yugi, are you?" His little brother shouted, completely startled by the very mention of homicide. "I know how much you hate him and all but don't you think that murder is a bit of a new low for you? Not to mention that 4Kids is probably going to try and censor it." "Why then?" Kaiba said, glaring at the teenager with a stone cold gaze. "Huh?" "Why would I want to kill him...when I could break him and watch as he cries himself away like an infant; defenceless and alone!" Kaiba shouted, ending with a smug grin on his face. Ten thousand puppies died as a result of this smile. The sight of Kaiba smiling was daunting to Mokuba; he had rarely smiled out of joy. Kaiba himself was a little shocked at what he was doing. How long has it been? It was probably when he saved his little brother after the Duelist Kingdom tournament from the creator of Duel Monsters himself, Maximilian Pegasus. Kaiba’s mind, Memory Lane At the time, Yugi duelled Pegasus himself after my attempt to defeat him myself... It didn't turn out so well, having my soul trapped and all. At least Yugi defeated him; the jerk got what was coming. Planting spies in my corporation, that's okay. Overthrowing me from my corporation; a little bit annoying. Attempting to kill me, I’m kind of angry now. Kidnapping my brother, that was the last straw. I did my best to save him, but it was Yugi who saved him along with his grandfather. What had surprised me the most was that he saved me. I cannot say how much I thank him, because I don't. Anyone could have done it if Pegasus didn't have that Millennium Eye of his. What mattered most is that Mokuba was safe. Wait… since when did I care about Mokuba at all? The writer is a complete idiot! And seeing him made me feel relived, to know that I can sleep without worrying about him. Never again was I going to allow this to happen, obviously that wasn't the case. Ever since that moment, I realized how at times my work made me forget about him. At least I can show him now... Why is all of this mushy crap in the story? I didn’t sign up for this! [That’s right, you didn’t. I’m trying to establish a background story to engage the readers!] Fuck the readers, this is my gig! [No, no it’s not. Get back to the story and make me famous!] That… was really weird. Back to reality […I think?] "What do you mean, Seto?" the young boy said, bringing Kaiba's attention back from memory lane to reality. He gave himself some time to gather his thoughts, and finally opened his mouth and said, "Follow me." Kaiba stood up and left the table with the mess of old pizza boxes on top. Thanks to his recent endeavours, there wasn't time to make dinner himself and takeaway was more accessible. Even if he had the opportunity, he was a pathetic cook and they would end up ordering take-away regardless. Mokuba followed suite and started to walk over to his brother who was making his way to the lift. Kaiba pressed the buttons on the control panel that resulted in the lift moving down at a slow speed. Then suddenly, the carriage jolted and moved to the left! After a few more of these twists and turns, the doors opened and revealed a large room filled with pieces of scrap metal, blueprints and power tools scattered around the room. Apart from being a billionaire and a duelist, Kaiba is also a brilliant inventor. KaibaCorp doesn't make money doing nothing! Without Kaiba and his technology, the company would have gone broke years ago. Some of his greatest inventions were made in this very room, including the Duel Disc System, which still brings in a lot of revenue to this very day... not to mention that when this was released, it was for a special occasion. Not every invention was sent off for production though. What really stood out in this vast space amongst the machinery was a large, metallic arc and a wooden workbench placed to the side of the room. From the bench, he picked up a strange looking remote from the clutter of papers, notes, coffee cups and hand tools. "Mokuba, I would like to show you a little thing that I have been working on for months." Kaiba then pointed the remote at the strange arc and the gears whirred into action. At first nothing happened, until a glowing orb appeared in the centre of the arc. "Behold, the Dimensional Gateway! With it, I will send Yugi to an alternate dimension and avoid any further contact with the nuisance! It also serves as my media player to watch all the illegally downloaded movies I have gotten off the Internet. It also has cup holders." All Mokuba could do was stare in awe. He was shocked when the arc began to glow. His brother's machine could change the world. Knowing Seto though, he would keep this one for himself. Anyways, KaibaCorp is not in any financial troubles so that could wait until there is some sort of trouble with business. Kaiba's plan seems flawless... well nearly flawless. “Two questions” Mokuba finally spoke. “Yes?” Seto asked. "How are you going to even get him here on his own accord?" Mokuba spoke up, questioning his brother's slightly flawed logic. Seto sighed deeply; it would be nice to go through with one cunning plan without being questioned at every turn. “It is insignificant, what’s the second question?” “Why cup holders?” "Shut up, Mokuba! Cup holders are the world’s best invention! Why wouldn’t I have them?" And as quickly as it had appeared, the Dimensional Gateway turned off and the gears within the arc began to grind to a halt. Kaiba moved away from the arc and moved back over to the workbench. Placing the remote back on the pile of papers, he then opened up a draw and pulled out what looked like a golden pyramid. 'I know I've seen it before,' thought Mokuba 'But where exactly?' "The last time anyone saw this was quite some time ago..." Kaiba said, holding the pyramid out in front of Mokuba. "I guess when you have the resources; it's easy to find anything in Egypt. I wonder how Yugi will react once he gets this back and sees his good friend back from the afterlife." “I’m happy you’re not killing Yugi.” Mokuba was relived to say. “Don’t worry; Yugi’s demise will be strictly PG… to some extent.”                   ***************************** "At last!" the blue unicorn said, "The time has come for Twilight Sparkle to get what was coming to her!" As she put on her cloak, Trixie felt uneasy, something was not right... It felt like there was some magical disturbance around her. Nothing could stop her now. Trixie merely ignored the sensation and got her belongings ready. Two years of training in this horrid place was finally going to use. Then came the sudden realization... The Great and Powerful Trixie forgot how she arrived here. This wasn't like when you forget where your keys are. It was more like forgetting what the keys even looked like on top of forgetting where they are. Or forgetting how to breathe, that’s always fun to watch but not to experience. "Perfect! Just perfect! Might as well take it slow. It will just make me treasure the moment more when I show her who truly is the best!" And with that, Trixie sets off for her long quest by hoof, without any idea of where to go or in what direction Ponyville was. She decided to use her intuition to guide her or had no idea where she was really going.                   ***************************** "Oh, That... Um, Seto?" "Yes, Mokuba?" "Can I watch Spongebob on the portal thingy?" Kaiba sighed as he tried his best not to slap his brother in the face, "First off, this is a highly advanced piece of technology. If anything happened to it, I would personally kill the asshole who broke it. Second, give me a good reason why I should let you play with it?" "Because you will be too busy with your Blue-Eyes and flagging YouTube videos?" Mokuba replied, knowing that Kaiba would probably end up doing that anyway. "You're right for once Mokuba, go watch 'Spongepants Squarebob' for all I care. Now if you excuse me, I'll be in my office. I have some... unfinished business to attend to." With that, Kaiba walked off to the lift and left Mokuba alone there. All Mokuba did was wait, until his brother was truly out of sight. "Finally!" Mokuba said to himself, "I can watch it without anyone judging me." He went over to the desk and grabbed the remote along with a bunch of DVDs. After inserting all the disks into the DGS, Mokuba pushed a tattered couch in front of it and proceeded to lay on it. Once he was comfortable, he hit play on the remote. The machine booted up again, now acting as a screen, displaying anything he wanted. Suddenly, a voice comes out of the machine and starts to sing as the picture begins to form, "My Little Pony, My Little Pony," Soon the monitor of the DGS paints the beautiful image of Equestria in every video frame. "This is the greatest day of my life!"                   ***************************** A place with lots of sand, Equestria He had been screaming as he fell further though the abyss that dragged him into this wretched place. 'There's nothing here but frigging sand!' Melvin thought to himself, 'At least I made it here.' He stretched a little and cracked a few of his knuckles as he got up from the crater in the middle of the supposed desert. He checked to see what form his spirit inhabited: Hands, fingers, feet, legs, arms, hair, definitely a humanoid figure. Clothes then formed around the ancient being, creating boots, a shirt, leather chaps along with a fancy leather jacket. Dusting off the sand from his clothes, Melvin mutters to himself: "At least he was right. Now, where is your body, my dear Discord? It's a shame I didn't get to give you a goodbye 'hug'." And with that, he started what was going to be a long trek. After a couple of seconds, the sand started to irritate his skin. "This is just fucking perfect!" He groaned sarcastically. [Author's Notes: Yes, Mokuba is now a brony. 'Nuff said. Now, if there is any problem with the chapter or you want to give me some advice/praise/commentary/slander/death threats, I would really appreciate it. Those who don't understand ANY of the Yu-Gi-Oh: Abridged jokes, search YGOTAS into google and watch episode 1 through to whatever is out so far. I promise you're gonna have a great time. First question I'm going to probably going to get is, "Why does Trixie have a lack of speaking parts in this chapter?" One, she's currently a loner in the middle of nowhere practicing to duel Twilight in a magic fight. Two, there's quite a lot of canon backstory from the ONE episode Trixie was in (there are very high traces of sarcasm here...) Kaiba has plenty of backstory as he is in next to every episode. And lastly, do you really want to hear Trixie constantly refer to herself in third person? I didn't think so. Don't worry, The Great and Powerful Trixie shall get her screen time, like Bakura did (eventually). Secondly, "Why is this story all serious and not that funny?" Look here; I am really bad at telling jokes yet alone writing funny things down. The funniness shall come forth when the story is in it’s darkest hours (which is now!). Randomness is surely going to ensure with Pinkie and Tristan running amok. Thirdly, "Where is everybody else?!!" Odion is probably in Egypt with his Gummy Bears collection. Ishizu, does anyone want a one liner from her? Beavis and Butthead, I mean Weevil and Rex, don't deserve to be in this fanfic. Involving Pegasus looks desperate, and Dartz should stay where he is. Now, Marik and Florence... They will definitely appear or be referred to in the fanfic. I am being intentionally vague here... If you, the viewers, want any change, then I am in needing of a temporary or permanent editor. Sketch is currently thinking of editing but will decide after exams. So if you want to become editor, give me your email and I will send you a confirmation email. I shall send parts of the following chapter(s), which need refinement. You will get credit for the time that you put into this project. I don't have Facebook for personal reasons, so the Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged forum (morginator92), email and Fimfiction will be the only forms of contact. I look forward to working with you. Damn, speaking of exams, I will most likely not be able to update from the 21st of May until the 31st. If I update at all, check on the 28th of May. Now is a good time to remind you I live in the merry old Land of Oz This may or may not affect your lives. Please spread the story around, I need at least 100+ views or I will lose $50 to some haters. Until I see you guys again, Kindest of regards, Morgie93] //-------------------------------------------------------// Chapter... What number are we up to now? //-------------------------------------------------------// Chapter... What number are we up to now? In the deep dark lair of Morgie93, Sydney, Australia… “All your important files have been deleted. Have a nice day!” Tom’s laptop beeped out, oblivious to the problem it has caused. [My real name’s Tom by the way.] “Why the frigging ‘ell did you do that for, Mum?” He shouted in an agitated tone. His bitchy mother had wiped all of his work and notes for his fan fiction, suspecting it to be pornographic photography (even though text files are completely different from .jpgs). “You were on those social networking sites talking to those weirdo horse-wankers about that subliminal mind-fucking Japanese cartoons.” She started ranting unnecessarily. “Even though we are encouraging you to become less anti-social, we are wiping out every single piece of work you have done for the past three months out of sheer prejudice and arrogance. God is not happy and he will send you to hell for your satanic worship!” “Do you have a problem with Yu-Gi-Oh and My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic? You are such a prejudicial crazy lady!” Tom shouted at the religious nutter, trying his best not to cuss in front of them (or at all for that matter)... “Boy,” His ‘extremely big-boned’ father bellowed at him. “You better start praying to the lord. I fear that the devil has brainwashed your mind with these TV shows to convert you into one of those gay poofters.” Tom couldn’t stand all this crap anymore. “If you want to be all religious and judgemental, go back to the medieval times where you can repent all you want. Leave the future for those who want to embrace it!” “That is it!” Tom’s mother has another go at him. “You are hereby grounded from everything! No forks, no knives, no TV, no electricity, no privacy whatsoever and you shall be going to church every Sunday for the next three years!” “Screw that! You might as well isolate me in my room until the ‘Devil’ leaves my body.” “Done and done!” His father responded to the outcry. (Thank someone for reverse psychology!) “Now go away and shut up, demon spawn. You better hope you anus can handle the Devil’s cock up it for the illegal crimes you committed. Now excuse me whilst I download them American shows off the whatchamacallit sites.” Marching off to his room, Thomas heaved his shoulders, carrying off his computer as he commented under his breath. “Yes, because actually having a social life is a much more heinous act compared to Internet piracy. Go and bugger yourselves. You’re the reason why the world can’t advance to it’s full potential.” Going onto his phone after slamming the wooden slab of wood separating him from who he thought belonged in that institute from ‘One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest’, he pulled up the rough outline that he used to write the chapters. “It’s going to be all right! I just need to get focused again and pull all the information from my head. Let’s begin!” [Thank you Ma and Pa! You get to feature in this story now as exaggerated forms of what you act like! What you did was very nice *wink*. Your fictional deaths will be quite amusing! (People are now thinking that you’re some sadistic creep.) They forced me to go to church and for that they deserve it! (That isn’t so bad…) For eighteen hours straight! You don’t know what it’s like, Brain. You don’t know… (Here’s what you’ve been waiting for. Begin the chapter so we can’t hear him sobbing.)] Vengeance, Card Games and Magic. Writer, Producer, Job Seeker: Morgie93 Human Suggestion Box: obsidianreaper Master Chief Editor: RustyBucket Chapter... what number are we up to now?: Something Old, Something New, All Cliché. The next morning… The Game Shop, Domino City Yugi woke up in his bed just like any other morning. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and pulled the curtains back. He then sighed at the sight of the crystal clear, blue sky. "It feels as though it was just yesterday that I was with Yami." Of all the people coping with the loss of Yami, it was Yugi Mutou who handled it the worst. He had been crying for the first couple of weeks after his friend finally went to the afterlife. Yugi didn't just lose a good friend; it felt like he lost a part of himself, the cooler and sexier part. But life still goes on without him though, and he wouldn't want Yugi crying for his sake. All the excitement in their lives had left them since Kaiba decided to stop showing his face in public. At least Yugi had his friends with him, not to mention he now runs the Game Shop and gets all the girls. That very last part was a lie, Yugi was… I have no idea how old he is and still a virgin. "Hey, Yugi!" a voice with a strong Brooklyn accent shouted at the window, "Is there any chance dat you could possibly open the store doors so I could, oh I don't know, start working perhaps?" Yugi walked towards the window and looked out to see his best friend Joey standing outside the store. "Give me a minute to get dressed and I'll open up the store." Yugi shouted out in response. He quickly looked at his watch and realized that it was about five minutes to opening time. There was no time to waste so without any further delay, Yugi changed into his usual attire, styled his hair in the same spiked manner it always is, grabbed his deck and made his way down to open the store. On his way down, he passed Grandpa reading the newspaper, it was probably the obituaries or something based on an archaeological discovery somewhere. "Grandpa! It's good to see you out of the basement again." "Yugi, there's something I want to show you." Grandpa replied in his old man voice. "Not now, Grandpa! The store's about to go into hours now, it can wait until lunch break. And if it's that Black Luster Soldier poster again, you'll be seeing your own name in the obituaries soon enough." "But Yugi it's about th-" "I said not now, I have to open the store before Joey tries to kick down the door again. If it's about your heart attacks, I don't really care!" And with that, Yugi continued down the stairs to the ground floor. From there, he opened up the doors to the store and Joey then comes in with posters, shipment orders and numerous letters. "I see you stopped by the post office. What was the sudden rush to get here for Joey?" Yugi asked the blonde man. Joey immediately dropped everything he was carrying to present a single letter to his friend. The sound of glass, plastic and metal breaking resonated throughout the room as it all impacted on the floor, destroying anything of major importance. He would pick that up later. "Guess who decided to send you a letter." Joey said giving the envelope to his employer. The envelope looked quite elegant: silver writing, no rubber stamp marks and something else that gave away who sent the letter. The KaibaCorp ensignia on the back. "Kaiba." Yugi said to himself. "I knew you woulda found that interesting" Joey replied to Yugi's response, "Let's see what he has to say after last time!" Cut to last time… “Kaiba, I’m sorry I made you read that story but may I ask why am I chained to a wall?” Seto Kaiba slowly entered the basement brandishing a butcher’s knife and wearing a blood-soaked apron. In a dark, evil and distorted voice he said, “Did somebody say… Cupcakes?” Back to the story… Tearing the side of the envelope, a handwritten letter falls out of the side. Opening it up, Yugi read out exactly what was there: "'Dear Yugi Mutou, It has been a while since we last met. You must be missing me. If you have been reading the papers recently, you might have realized that I lead an excavation site in Egypt. I got you a souvenir, I'll give you a guess to what I found. There is something else I want to show you. Come over to my mansion at 6pm. Transport will be provided for you and your friends outside the store. I expect to see you all there. Signed, the most powerful person alive, The God-damn Kaiba-Man P.S. There is definitely NOT going to be a duel occurring, bring your decks and duel disks with you regardless for no logical explaination. And tell the furfag to yiff in hell for me.' Wow, I half-expected that he would have typed up this letter, being the techno geek he is. But trust him to still be the arrogant, self centered bastard we all know and hate." "I guess some things never change,'" Joey added on, "So what should we do now?" "Well," Yugi replied, "Every time that Kaiba wants to see me it usually ends up in a duel and then the world is suddenly in danger. We save the world, rub it in his face and the cycle goes on. But being the gullible idiot who believes he has actually changed, I think we should go." "But Yug, what about last ti-" "Do you want to stay here and look after Grandpa instead?" "...No" Joey whimpered in fear of losing the minimum wage that was his only source of income which wasn’t gambling or begging on the streets. "Then let's get going! The writer is practically losing sleep over trying to script this chapter. Not to mention trying to make the story more funny which he’s kind of failing at." The breaking of the fourth wall resulted in Joey letting out a "Nyeh?" to show his confusion of the reference to the irresistibly handsome writer. [(Riiiiiight! And I am the Tsar of Venus! How are you?) A Russian king, eh? Uh… Vodka, vodka, vodka. (Gasp! Вы умственно отсталые, товарищ? {Are you mentally handicapped, comrade?}) …Sandvich? (You didn’t understand a word I just said, didn’t you?) I didn’t quite catch that, could you type it into this dodgy online translator for me?] "Never mind, you go get everyone else while I convince Grandpa to come with us." "Why do you have to bring him along?" "Do you know what happened last time we left him here?" "On second thought, after he got kidnapped and beaten up for Kaiba, had his soul stolen by Pegasus and started the whole series, he should go with us. After all, his days are numbered." "Good, let's meet up at noon to get going to Kaiba's place to leech money off him…I mean ask to borrow stuff that I won’t return.”                   ***************************** Twilight's place, Ponyville 'What was that magical disturbance last night?' Twilight questioned herself, 'There is no way that could have been normal...What being has the power to disrupt all magic everywhere? Unless... No. H-he can't be back! I must inform the princess at once!' Without hesitation, she pulled out an inkwell, quill and some manuscript. There was no time to get Spike out of bed for this. Dear Princess Celestia, As you already know, there was some magical disturbance, which occurred last evening at 6:49pm. I have come to the conclusion that this was the work of Discord. I would request that extra security measures are taken to prevent his return. Sincerely, your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle "Twilight, its 3am" a sleepy voice said from the doorway. Her head slowly turned to meet the small shadowy figure from the hallway. Spike, her number one assistant, slowly walked into the dimly lit room. "Why are you up so late?" "You felt that surge of magic at dinner, surely you did, Spike?" "Well... maybe I did feel a little squeamish. But it was probably a cold breeze. You can try to piece everything together later, once you get some sleep" "But Spike, who knows when he'll cause another surge like this!" The little dragon didn't pick up on the pronoun and just sighed, "You're becoming paranoid again, and you remember last time, don't you?" Twilight knew all to well as to what happened. She got a warning from herself in the future not to worry about the future. This ended up causing the whole problem to occur as her future self's message got cut off. After a week of pacing, obsession and a lack of sleep, the day of the 'disaster' came. Realizing that she fretted over nothing she went back in time to prevent this scenario from happening. Ironically she became the cause of the problem. How did the loop in time even start? Time traveling is quite confusing. [Agreed.] [Sketch…] [Get out, now.] "This is completely different!" Twilight said, trying to get back onto the matter at hand. "Do you know anything that can cause a disturbance like this?" Spike rolled his eyes, realising that he had no chance of getting her to sleep. He yawned, "Well, good luck with whatever it is then. Now, if you excuse me, I am going back to sleep" And with that he walked back out of the room, closing the door behind him. 'Maybe he is right,' Twilight thought, 'I probably need as much rest if I am going to find Discord. But what if it wasn't him? What if it was something more sinister and evil? What if...' Twilight lost all concentration and instantly fell asleep onto the pile of books upon her desk. Later that morning, Twilight woke up just like any other morning. As she was doing her morning routine, the thoughts from last night kept resurfacing. There was no way to suppress these urge to find out what is going to happen. It continued on at breakfast, eating a bowl of oats and milk in the kitchen. Then she finally snapped, "Why must this ridiculous notion plague my mind consistently!" And as if right on cue, Rainbow Dash bursts through the window and crashes head first into some bookshelves in the library. Twilight immediately drops the spoon she was using and rushes into the next room. All she could see in the library was piles of books completely scattered around the place. Twilight then focused her magic and levitated the books back in their shelves in a neat and orderly fashion. Sure enough, her rainbow-maned friend was sitting upright against the wall, rubbing her head. "You should use the door more often, Dash." Twilight said, knowing that her friend would make a speedy recovery. "You're lucky that I keep that window open." The cyan coated pegasus merely shrugged and got back up on her hooves. "It just takes too much time and effort to fly down and open the door." She replied to Twilight. "Anyway, everyone is busy except you and there's nothing for me to do!" "Well... I don't know if I should tell you this... But then again..." "Oh come on, Twi. Since when have I let you down?" 'Rainbow Dash has has a good point' Twilight thought, 'She does represent the element of Loyalty but then again she has at times tried to avoid social interaction. Maybe I went too far when I began hitting on her. How will she react to this though...? I guess I'll find out soon enough.’ "Okay, I'll tell you. Just don't go spreading the word around, this is only my thesis." "Kay, what is it?" "Do you remember feeling something, I don't know, unusual last night?" "Now that you mention it, I did feel a bit tingly at around 7, but what does that have to do with anything?" "I think that some evil entity has arrived in Equestria. The only being that we know of capable of a disruption like that is..." "Discord..." "Exactly" "B-but we stopped him last time!" Rainbow Dash stuttered, "We can take him on!" "I have already sent the princess a letter on securing the Elements and fortifying Canterlot. The only thing we have to worry is when and where he will strike next." "Let me guess, you want me to go around all of Equestria just for the possibility that he'll turn up at any given moment?!??" "Not all of Equestria. Discord would probably attack either Canterlot or Ponyville first. All I want you doing for now is to watch the skies and Ponyville from above. Nothing that strenuous." "Okay then, see you later!" And with that, Rainbow Dash opened up her wings and flew up through the window she entered. Twilight looked back to her library and sighed. 'I suppose I should get to reading up on magical disturbances... and find out what he's planning. And maybe a little… something else just to keep things interesting. After this one, I wonder where I left that copy of Lesbian Vampony Slayers at?' From the stairwell, Spike peered over the ledge to see Twilight headfirst into a first edition copy of Stequine Hawking’s ‘Quantum Physics and the Influences of Magic’. That crippled, yet highly intelligent middle-aged pony is a blessing to Equestria, even though he rides around in a flying talking chair. He sighed to himself, knowing that she would be at the books for at least half the day. This sparked up an idea in the little mind of his. Spike retreated quickly to his room and pulled up a mirror in front of him. Whilst flexing his barely visible biceps, he talks to his reflection. “Lookin’ good Spike, lookin’ real good!” Walking away to admire his secret photo of Rarity, the face of Dan Green gradually appears in the mirror’s reflective surface. “Yes you are, little lizard man, yes you are.”                   ***************************** Kaiba's Mansion, 8:13pm "It's great to meet up with you again," Kaiba lied through his teeth, wincing at the sound of him being nice. "You've certainly accomplished a lot!" "Well being store owner of the year was pretty good" Yugi replied, oblivious to Kaiba's sarcastic comment, "Though it's not as big as Duel Monsters Champion, I still made it into 'The Times' magazine for most successful small buisness." "It was nice that you invited us to dinner!" Joey added on, stuffing his mouth with well steamed lobster, "Now cut to the chase, and what is it that you really brought us here for?" "I just came here for the food!" Tristan said, resulting in an intimidating glare from Kaiba. After a few, brief moments, the host finally spoke. "Allow me to provide you with a little 'entertainment' for this evening. I'd ask for everyone to make his or her way to the elevator. You can all come back to the table later" 'But not you, Yugi' Kaiba thought, trying to suppress his evil smile and look nice to prevent suspicion. Another hundred puppies dead on top of the billions that he has killed with that smile… [Sketch…] [That’s not what I was going to say. Keep their number out; we’re going to need them later.] [It’s for…you know who…] [No! Stop going off topic with obscure referencing!] [(Please kill this one.) Do you wish to die brain? (Maybe…) Shut up!] [To anybody and everybody, you might want to skip the part where Téa speaks, because no one really likes her.] [Sketch, did you get my message?] [Shut up! I always wanted to say that! (Doctor Who and The Voyage of the Damned? Talk about obscure…)] "Excuse me," Téa asked Kaiba, breaking him from his current train of thought, "But can you tell me where the bathroom is?" "It’s down the hall, take a right, then go through the sixth door on the left and type in the password: 9999. The door will stay open for eight seconds before closing in on itself. Deadly quantities of VX gas automatically start filling the room after five minutes. There is a respirator under the toilet bowl of each cubicle for severe cases of diarrhoea and constipation. Break the mirror of the bathroom to reveal a hidden escape route, which leads to Middle Earth. Find Gandalf and get him to give you his staff. Use it to summon the Killer Rabbit of Petoria and wipe out all the Jedi Llama Templars. Kill the guy who cut the hair of the guy who clipped the toenails of the girl who sold the crack to the hermaphrodite that taught the the guy who hypnotised that man which killed JFK, help The Doctor save the Earth for the one billionth and first time and order me a Royale with Cheese from a Mongolian McDonalds. Get me the Pinkie Pie keychain toy while you’re at it to complete my collection. Once you get back from Medieval France, tell Grüber and Hans that I will discuss the new KaibaCorp logo with them on Tuesday. Climb down the elevator shaft and Jigsaw will await you. After shooting him dead, cut off his head with this herring. That is everything that you need to know before embarking on this perilous journey. Got it?" "Umm... Okay!" Without anything more to say, she ran off down towards the facilities. By the time she reached the door, everyone else was already inside the elevator, heading off to see the 'entertainment' Kaiba had prepared. Lined with fancy new carpets and marble walls that have a golden tinge to it, the elevator helped show off Seto’s wealth. It was a shame the elevator music wasn’t any good. {Elevator music here. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a-6-Gek0RaM)} In a few minutes time, the doors of the elevator opened and everyone stepped out into a cleaner version of what was now his workshop. Most of the spare parts and blueprints were put into boxes which had been lined up against the wall. The only thing in the room apart from them was the workbench, plenty of beanbag chairs and something covered by a thick cloth at the very back of the room. "Ladies and gentlemen," Kaiba announced, "Welcome to my bachelor pad!" "It looks more like a dump." Serenity replied, making Kaiba angrier than he already was. "You could always go back to my place and see what a real pad looks like" Duke said, in an attempt to try and woo her. {Play this every single time that Duke speaks unless told otherwise by the story in order to simulate the uncontrollable levels of swag. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VaZ9c-B88aM)} "Not on my watch she ain't!" Joey intervened, "While I'm around, no one gets to date Serenity unless I say so!" "But Joey!" Serenity protested, "I’m a big girl now! I should be able to make my own decisions as an independent woman in society!" "Did you hear me? No one!" "Anyway," Kaiba said, trying to get his revenge over and done as quick as possible, "Let's get on with the evening. Before I pull the cover off my latest project, I would like to give Yugi a little present." Going over to the desk, he picked up the remote as well as the Millennium Puzzle. Placing the remote in his pocket and holding out the other towards Yugi. "A little souvenir I found in Egypt, consider it your birthday present." Yugi took it from Kaiba and put it around his own neck, 'Just like old times... He really has changed! Looks like someone owes me $50!' [Oh crap! I guess I have to pay him now... Or not if his plan works… (You’re rooting for Kaiba?) That’s disgusting! Leave before 4Kids finds out the perverted things you think about. (What did I say?) Everything!] "Kaiba, this is the kindest thing you have done for me. In fact, it's probably the most selfless thing you have done for anyone." Yugi grew slightly weary of the rich egomaniac. “Are you really Seto Kaiba or is it that gay clown impersonator from Season 1?” "Silence, dweeb! Wait, I mean yes. And to prove it, why don't you pull the covers off the machine for me then? I’m far too rich to do manual work for myself." "Sure thing pal, since we're the best of friends now, right?" "Yes, friends..." 'This is really killing me!' Kaiba groaned in his mind, 'At least it will all be over soon.' Yugi walked over to the concealed contraption and proceeded to pull the covers off it. The Dimensional Gateway System had been shined and shaped to make it look better than it was. The unnecessary decorations obviously compensating for something Kaiba will never get… All he needed to do now was turn it on. "What is that thing?" Yugi asked, wondering why it is so super special awesome to Kaiba. "Behold! The Dimensional Gateway System! Trademarked and uncopyrightable by KaibaCorp. But you can call it your worst nightmare!" "Well, the name need to be worked on and- Wait, WHAT!!!" And just as he planned, Kaiba turned on the DGS. The same mysterious orb of light appeared in the middle of the arc. "Say goodbye to your friends, Yugi. I'm sure you will find some new ones in a world where all of Michael Bay’s films are reality. Tell Shia LaBeouf I said hello." Kaiba shouted triumphantly. Surely nothing could ruin his finest hour, or Yugi's last! "Not on my watch, Kaiba!" Joey said as he ran and body tackled the crazed egomaniac into the portal with him. The DGS glowed a bright red and then the orb within the gate opened forth, filling the room with a harsh, cold light. Everyone else in the room averted their eyes as the bright display of light continued to shine into the room. Yugi managed to catch a glimpse of his best friend and that bastard, Seto Kaiba, fall through what looked like a tunnel before the blinding flash. The lights died down after a few moments whilst the orb in the centre of the machine continued to glow. Yugi collapsed onto his knees and started to cry, "Why Joey! He had more to live for! It should have been me! How could you do this to me!" [Because I am the goddamn narrator! That plus I need to compensate for what self-esteem I apparently am supposed to have. (Bagging you out is my job!) Continue.] "Uhh... Who are you talking to Yugi?" Duke asked, oddly enough his theme music wasn't playing when he spoke this time. "To the monster who took Joey away from Serenity! Most of all, me! Who else am I going to hang out with now? Téa?!!" [If you keep whining like a bitch then maybe I will make you hang out with her! (Personality snap much?) Sorry, I just get in the zone] "Does this mean I can date Serenity now?" Duke asked Yugi, looking back at Serenity and bringing back his swagger music. {Here it is again. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VaZ9c-B88aM)} "No way! Joey would have obviously let me date her." Tristan intervened. “We should have burnt this witch a long time ago.” "I weigh more than a duck, therefore I am not a witch. And that's not true! Serenity loves me more than anyone else here in this room." "Haven't you been paying attention? Joey got taken away by Kaiba!" "Um, hence I said 'in this room' you moron!" "...Serenity still loves me more!" "Does not!" "Does too!" "Stop it!" Serenity shouted at the two men whining over her, "If you really cared about me, you would stop fighting and try to find my brother!" "And my brother, right?" Mokuba optimistically added, hoping the rest of the cast would provide sympathy for him losing his brother as well. [Ahem...Shut up, Mokuba. I'll make YOU hang out with Téa now! (Definitely not sadistic.) Silence, fool! (Yes Master Marik, anything you say.) Marik is here? He’s way too early! (Jokes aren’t of first nature to you, are they?) I was born without a funny bone. (Very humorous.) That’s the name of the bone they say I wasn’t born with!] "After all the things that bastard has put us through, you'll be lucky if we bring him back at all!" Yugi said, downright pissed that the little pest opened his mouth. "He might be necessary for the plot to continue!" "Come on!” He reassured Mokuba, “Since when have we ever needed to follow the plot line yet alone have a plot? Besides, what does he have that no one else has?" "A way to get back with the remote control." "Does it have extra batteries or something?" "Not that I am aware of..." “What was the last thing he used that thing for?” “To watch Battleship on bu-“ "That settles things, we're ditching Joey. No questions asked." [Hell no! Michael Bay films are not that bad! (Transformers?) That was okay… (Cowboys & Aliens?) Getting worse… (Battleship.) … (Tom?) …It’s not as if they will end up in a Michael Bay film. Besides, I worked too hard on this thing for Yugi to pussycat out! He leaves me no choice! I must send in… *shuddering in fear* her. (Deploying in 3… 2… 1… … Guess I came in too fa-)] "I'm sorry guys," Téa said from within the elevator shaft, "It took me a while to guess the combination to the bathroom. They also ran out of Pinkie Pie figurines. I'll be down in a minute." "Okay new plan," Yugi hastily said, "Everyone into the portal. NOW!" "Don't you mean Dimensional Gateway System?" Mokuba corrected the generalization on the writer’s behalf as a foolish attempt to avoid punishment, unbeknownst to him. [(Stop writing like that, you sound like a self-glorifying bastard.) Am I? (Okay, no more paraphrasing from Australian plays for you.)] "Because of that comment, you stay here with Grandpa and keep Téa out. Open the portal again when she leaves to get us out." "But Yugi! You don't understand!" "No, it is you who doesn't understand! It's Téa! Move it, you guys!" "Yugi, are you sure this is a good idea?" Duke questioned the logic behind this idea. "I want you listen to my new friendship speech I wrote for you guys after my adventures in going to the bathroom." Téa's voice shouted out again, this time her voice was getting closer. "I take that back, I see how smart it actually is." "Last one in is a rotten egg!" Tristan jaunted Duke as he pushed him to the side and swan dived into the orb in the centre of the metal arc. The orb let out another flash of light, not as intense as the first one. Seconds later, the light reduced to the glow that the machine desperately tired to sustain. "Someone had to go in first." Duke merely shrugged, trying to maintain his high levels of swag. "Serenity, do you want me to go in with you..." "Too late for that, Duke." Yugi pointed out towards the portal as Serenity stepped into the orb and light enveloped the room once again. When the light receeded, both of them ran to the portal as the elevator began to retract its door. A new burst of light instantly blinded Téa, allowing Mokuba to disable the Dimensional Gateway System. Once the DGS had been turned off, Mokuba wished he had gone with the others... "Since no one else is here, I'll just tell you and Yugi's grandpa the new friendship speech I wrote!” Téa shouted out. “It’s two hundred and eighty-three pages long in font size one!” "Someone please kidnap me.” Mokuba said to himself, "Anyone?" From that miserable basement, only the snores of Grandpa, slumped back in the 60’s beanbag could be heard as the sound of Téa’s voice was too much to bear and made the writer not add it into the description.                   ***************************** Airspace above Ponyville, Some time in the early morning but still at night. [What? How should I know exactly when things happen? (You wrote it down and you’re too lazy to think of a time?) The fan fiction writes itself, I just mould it into a fine piece of art. (You failed at art in Grade 8!) Fifty percent is not a fail. After my arson experiment, there is no longer art at the school, only ashes and cremated bodies. (What the fu-)] 'Why am I even doing this? It's not like anything big happens when we get involved...' Rainbow Dash was lying on a stray cloud lazily moving across the sky. She was tired of staring over everyone, even though she wasn't going to do anything productive today. It's quite interesting what one sees in Ponyville in the middle of the day, more so at night. 'Oh well. I could go back tomorrow and pick up where I left off. Nothing bad is going to happen overnight!' With a beat of her wings, Rainbow Dash left the cloud and headed home for the night. Not many ponies noticed as two flailing figures fell from what was a hole in the sky. One of them drifted off towards town whilst the other continued it's descent into the thick foliage that was the Great Wilderness. Now going over to Sydney, Australia for no reason, 10:42am (Not this world’s Sydney) Marik Sebastian Ishtar and Florence Bakura are waiting for a cab out the front of Sydney International Airport. [Side note: Sydney's public transport is as good as Greece's economy. The train system is quite reliable! *Wink to all of previous said note* (Subtle in-joke is very funny, wink.) Yes it is.] "Jeez, you think that they couldn’t be any more tighter on border security there! I mean, they took my stash of Butterfingers away from me for no logical explanation. And the cavity searches, that was way too much to handle for me. Come on Florence! The taxi will be here soon!" "I don't really care about your boring sob stories Marik, and please don't call me Florence! It’s bad enough we waited there longer than the Zorc and Pals Christmas special ran for. I don’t want any more trouble today!" He said in his usual British-like voice. Marik, oblivious to his partner in crime’s reply, continued on talking. "It was nice of Kaiba to give back your gaydar and my rod back. After all, you still need to look sexy when traveling. You could use the extra bit of sun on you when we go to the beach and completely ignore what the lifeguards tell us to do. We may end up on television!" "Do you realise how stupid that sounds? They might as well have a program dedicated to stories that don't even matter along with one on airport security, police officers on patrol and fat people running on treadmills. It’s why the TV here is free. And yes Marik, I definitely want to go and sunbathe to look like a lobster afterwards. Go for all I care, get terminal skin cancer from the hole in the bloody ozone layer and die in a hospital bed." "They just say that to make pasty British people like you happy." "For the last time, I'm not British, I'm just gay!" "Fine then, I might as well play Bloodlines in the hotel until you finally decide to go." "Ungh, this vacation couldn't get any worse..." Suddenly, a wild ute with a dead crocodile strapped down to the roof pulled up in front of the two as some of the orange dust flew off the tyres. Then a man wearing a bush hat shouted out in a brain-dead like tone. "G'DAY MATE!!! DO YOUSE NEED A LIFT TO THE HOTEL?" "Oh bullocks," Florence swore to himself, "It just got worse..." [Yes, Australians say youse. I think I know what I'm doing here. (You obviously don’t.) You shall be loboticised with a rusty nail if you don’t pipe down! Not you readers, just brain.] Now we'll go over to Manehatten, Equestria [(Why?) ‘Cause I feel like it!] Lyra Heartstrings and Bon Bon departed the train station and stepped onto the side path of the congested streets. The overwhelming pollution from the trains made things harder for the newcomers to breathe the air. "Wow, The Big Apple," Lyra gasped, "We finally made it!" "And the train service was excellent!” Bon Bon added on, "It kind of makes you take that for granted how good things are here." "You said it, now we just need to check in at the hotel, drop our luggage off and then off to the human convention!" "But Lyra! This was supposed to be our vacation together! You promised to stop this obsession of yours." "This is a once in a lifetime opportunity!" "Funny how there happens to be one every year in a different place. Last year was Trottingham, before that was Canterlot and three years ago it was Fillydelphia!" "My works on Humans in Equestria is being presented at the convention!" "You mean those cute little stories on how they end up in Equestria for no logical explanation? As if that is a fresh idea." "I'm going to be well known throughout the community! I may get more recognition for my work!" “You’ll get plenty of recognition from that human ‘puppet’ you designed. We all know what it’s for Lyra. Don’t hide from the truth!” “It’s just a horn warmer! Did you know that twenty-seven percent of body heat is lost through a unicorn’s horn. With this idea however, I will obtain wealth beyond imagination!” "Why can't you realise that I love yo-" "Not now! I think I see the hotel! Come on!" Bon Bon sighed to herself, "This vacation couldn't get any worse..." [(I don’t like it… Too much happiness… Not enough reality thrown into the mix.) There’s smog, crowded streets and trains, what more is there that you want me to add? (Political campaigns that lead to the events of the Adjustment Bureau.) And you made fun of my references, disgraceful.]                   ***************************** Going over to Sydney in yet another dimension... [(¿Qué?) Our world brain, and don’t say what in Spanish, people can’t bother translating back and forth. (Oh! Oh.)] "Yes Saker, I'll get the next chapter over to you soon enough...                No...                                    Yes, I completely screwed that section up…     …Then blame the bloody pope for providing the arrogance my parents have while you’re at it!        ...Saker, SAKER!                      ...Just shut up for a second while I explain the new chapter to you...               Yes, that is what exactly happens...                                          Don't worry about the fourth wall, they can't physically breach it...     What do you mean that it needs more bacon?!!                 ...Alright! I will write us into the story! Mono has to come with us...                                I don't care if Chris attempted to kill you with that piece of cardboard. He's tagging along and that’s that! Although, he does next to nothing, he's apart of the production team...           As if that will ever happen!...                                                                      …Greece recovering from their economic problem? I thought you said the story being true could happen...                                                           Foreshadowing? What’s that?...                  I'm sending the chapter to you now...                Okay, see you Monday... If I haven’t died yet." Morgie quickly hung up before his friend could further delay the release of the chapter onto the website he is going to post on. Gazing back at the semi completed chapter, he muttered to himself in thought. "Now, where was I...?” Then abruptly, his stomach produced a low grumble from the lack of food after eight days of re-writing. Raising his hands in the air, he shouted, ”By the power invested in me by the Gods of Fan Fiction and Card Games, I summon the Pizza Hut delivery guy!” In a brilliant show of electrical static discharge, the pizza delivery guy appeared in his room, holding two bottles of Mountain Dew and a stack of pizzas from the cloud of smoke coming from the power socket overloading with awesomeness. Mother of all utility bills this quarter, check. “Mr Morgan, is it?” He asked in a confused manner, “Here are your four extra large Pepperoni pizzas along with the Mountain Dew. That comes down to fifty-seven, eighty-four plus tip.” “No problem good sir. Let me get my… oh.” Thomas halted his sentence as he opened up his wallet; only to find it filled with I.O.U.’s from his parents. They put his allowance in the offertory again! What pissed him off was how Jewish his parent’s mosque was with eight mandatory offertories of twenty dollars or more. And they’re meant to be Roman Catholic, not some weird religion like Taoism. [(How did you top your religion class with all of that crap?) I used logic as my answer to everything.] Regardless, there was no way he could pay the pizza dude back. Grabbing his green briefcase, he sent the case flying into the pizza guy’s skull, rendering him unconscious and causing slight fractures in the bone. Using a hammer space portal directly from the briefcase, Tom opened it up and sent the man into the endless void within. After the initial shrieks of terror subsided, he opened the greasy lid of the pizza container and consumed a slice of the meaty, cheesy and oily wonder that was his pizza with gusto. “Italian people are geniuses! Apart from Mussolini, inventing taxes, killing Catholics and then becoming Catholics, they’re okay in my book.” [Attention all, we now have outro music! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=51aZbNEJkdw) (Really? This German crap? Put something good on!) Later, Uncle Fabio has business to attend to. (What the fucking he-) It's so confusing! It's so crazy! It's so cliché! It's the Super Mario Brothers Super Show! (No, it is not and take off the fake moustache, you’re only fooling Tristan.) Okay… Anyrandomnoun, I made this slightly funnier in 34.8 days flat. I am evil for having that extreme stereotype of what the world thinks of Australia based off Jack Atlas by LK. (LK being LittleKuriboh for people who don’t know. He’s the guy that Morgie over here stole ideas from). Those are all lies! I merely borrowed them and placed them into a story. Kanye West does that with all his songs and you don’t see any lawsuit cases against him or a loss of loaylties. Like I said, this is a crossover of a fan-based parody of a children’s card game and a children's show supported by grown men and women. (Nothing weird about that; I don’t see how your parents hate this kind of stuff.) To add interest, Anthony Saker (Sketch, I think…), Chris Monoghan (obsidianreaper. He stole that name, didn’t he?), and I (Morgie93, The most special one of them all.) will be in the story! (They got permission, so it’s legal now.) Even though we get ki-No spoilers for you! That's right, I ain't tellin' you nothin'! Not even why Marik, Florence, Lyra and Bon Bon are in this. (Despite what obsidianreaper clearly said about avoiding any Bakura related fan fiction.) Yeah, well forget what he said! It will help the story become more random and shall provide more in jokes. One more thing, don’t get mad, but most of what I said in the first chapter’s Authour’s Notes was a lie. Beavis and Butt-head along with a few others will be in the story. Next chapter... This is going to be very interesting. There’s currently more space for that than the inside of my brain. (Hey! Insults and negative comments do count for something!) Nah, I'm not that strapped for ideas. (Unlike your wallet in terms of money.) Not cool. Until next time, Morgie93, away! (By the way, this guy is a quarter Italian but the intelligence he inherits belongs to me! Signed, Morgie93’s Brain) P.S. {The part I was too lazy to add into the commentary earlier} Just don’t mind the PMSing bitch that is brain [ ( ) ] or Sketch’s weird statements < >. It’s that time of the month for her all the time. That’s meant for brain not Sketch by the way; he’s too awesome to insult. Here's a fancy YouTube clip to end with as a present. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CTZyorJVeqI) Ha ha! New Zealanders.] //-------------------------------------------------------// Chris Gets His Own Chapter //-------------------------------------------------------// Chris Gets His Own Chapter Bonus Chapter Two: Concept for chapter: obsidianreaper The slave to the keyboard: Morgie93 [Note: Chris is a Dragon Ball Z Abridged fan and has read an insane amount of fanfics. Whatever he says: Do NOT take it seriously. He has had to give up weed for the exams and he tends to get a little bit antsy. Enjoy! (Or not.)] In a far off dimension… Flying away from his new opponent, Krillin continued to rocket across the sky at maximum speed. Who knew what would happen if this being caught up to him. "I just need to keep this up for a few more seconds…" He said to himself, trying harder to get some distance between whatever was chasing him. "At least I can't see him anymore." And being the massive, stuck up b*tch that she is, irony had a beam of concentrated energy fired directly at Krillin's face. Sending him plummeting towards the hard, dry rock bed, his foe landed facing the bald man, donning a massive, industrial sized bong and a lighter… Essentially, the man was stark naked. "So nudity does make people stronger…" Radditz came out of nowhere behind the attacker and was then brutally murdered with a violent explosion to the brain. Tossing away the carcass, the man smiled and said. "Yes, yes it does." The mysterious man looked at himself with pride, then glaring at Krillin for reasons he was about to explain. "Now Krillin, it's time for you to die…" "Please Chris! Give me more time!" Krillin pathetically pleaded for his meaningless life. "I'll get your drug money for you in four to six weeks time, granted the postal system is absolute bullsh*t! Ten dollars for a pack of stamps? That's a complete rip-off and–" "Screw the money!" Chris waved the bong menacingly at him. "All I want is the drugs in my veins right now! You can't smoke money as well as every single fucking drug in the universe!" "Wait a minute!" Krillin stepped away from this raging druggie. "I think I have some Purple Haze in my back pocket. Let me just get it out for yo– Destructo Disk!" Sending out a beam of energy in the form of a giant razor blade, Krillin fired the powerful attack at Chris, ripping into his flesh as the disc made its way through his flesh. Charring the severed bone marrow, torn muscles, and ruptured blood vessels, His head sickeningly oozed off, strewn on the earthy surface, left to bask in the flood of sunlight. Slowly forming from the same wound, an identical head began to grow to the same size the original version was. Cracking his neck after it had fully formed, Chris began to accumulate an overwhelming desire to kill Krillin. "What gives? I liked that head! Well that goes to show that I shouldn't try to catch things with my teeth." Krillin, being used to this crazy kind of sh*t, only questioned one thing. "I didn't know Nameks could have normal coloured skin." "They can't." Chris said flatly. "But how?" Opening his arms out wide in an omnipotent pose, Chris just snickered. "Because I am a god!" "Like Kami?" The Z-Warrior asked this 'god'. Laughing like a maniac (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HU4p5CcZvh4), Chris tried to compose himself so he could say something flatly again. "No, more like Kami version 2, 182, 385.29 with Bluetooth compatibility." "Oh… Um… I'm sorry about what I did before and I sincerely apologi– Destructo Disk!" As Krillin fired yet another disk of energy, Chris gabbed hold of the Destructo Disk in his left hand, compressing it into a small orb of energy. Placing it in his bong, he began to inhale ridiculous amounts of air that would make him higher than Goku's power levels. "Oh god it feels like energised cocaine infused with LSD." He gave a creepy/rape-face smile as he turned towards Krillin. "I'm going to keep you in my drug cage from now on." "You can't!" Krillin tried to move away from wherever this thing was going. "This is a Yu-Gi-Oh! Abridged fan fic; I'm from Dragon Ball Z Abridged. It doesn't even make sense that I should even be here!" "So? Jaden Yuki is from another abridged series but you don't see him complaining." Chris took a puff of the bong, letting the smoke linger around his stark naked body. "And apart from him, everyone else seems happy… except when they have been waiting six months for a new chapter of My Little Marik!" "Holy crap! Six months? That's crazy!" Inside the massive bong, Krillin could see a little baby placed at the bottom of it, floating around in the weed-contaminated water. "…Where did you get that baby from?" "They didn't want it anymore." Chris said, looking at the baby, then back to Krillin. "Why are you going to smoke it?" "Well, I was going to keep it in this glass container that is used for the inhaling of harmful chemicals until I found suitable legal guardians, but that sounds like a great idea! Good job, Krillin! You're an A-Grade baby murderer!" "Oh god, why?" Krillin thought of all the groveling he would have to do to redeem himself. "And to all of youreading this:" Chris put on a monocle and a top hat to look that little bit more sophisticated. "Fuck you. Fuck all of you. Stop bitching about new chapters. As much as it seems that fanfic writers cater to all of you perverted whims, they don't. They all have lives outside this otaku website, so shut the fuck up. I don't care if you've been waiting for a millennia for the new chapter. If you don't, I will hunt down you, I will find you, and I will smoke you. Hard. "So if you're wondering how I avoided the censor bleep. Well it's hard to distract Saker for a few seconds, but I found a way." "This agreement for uncensoring me lasts as long as that f*cking squirrel is alive… Saker what have you done!" "What? How did you… Ugh, f*ck it! I'll find another way to blackmail him… somehow." "Um… Who are you talking to?" Krillin interrupted Chris' monologue. "Shut the f*ck up Krillin!" [Squirrel AIDS is serious, people. Thousands die each year due to its harmful effects. Luckily there are no squirrels where I'm from, just drop bears in their millions. Like squirrel AIDS, exams take place, and this is for all of you who don't read my blog or favourite the story: GIVE ME SOME TIME TO WRITE THE NEXT CHAPTER SO I DON'T FAIL YEAR 10!!! As for the rest of you, (Abyx4433, AllyOJustice, astroga, Battingleaf, carlos_pony, D.P.Master, DarkRikx, dreadlemon, Dynamic Dragon, Fire Flies, Gallant Venture, gamerfly, Kiranos, Maniacal911, Masterweaver, Menoshe, MeowthRocket, Modem, moviemaster8510, PrinceofBrony, Sharterra, Soviet Fluttershy, StarswordIsCool, The card holder, The F8ful 1, tongen, zsewqthewolf), stay cool. Peace, Morgie93 [url= http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m50ug6zUmJ1qay2jg.png]This is what the baby's family looks like.[/url] He didn't make a good coaster…] //-------------------------------------------------------// Chapter 8: What Happens When One Is Late For A Chapter //-------------------------------------------------------// Chapter 8: What Happens When One Is Late For A Chapter It comes again… Chapter 7.1's bastard child… But 12.67605% better… Vengeance, Card Games and Magic Chapter 8, or 7.2: Violation, Interviews and Blood… Lots of blood… Now in ridiculous text form, with mayonnaise… And hookers… Barely written by Morgie93 with assistance from Saker actually doing his job properly. (This isn't going to end well.) Idealisation stuff: Chris omnipotent 1 (obsidianreaper's FiMFiction account name. Befriend and assimilate him!) Deep beneath the ocean’s surface… (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b1B_pZC8aWU) {20 seconds…} Listening to the new Rolling Stones song (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rPFGWVKXxm0), Datrz was figuring out the answer for number nine hundred and eighty-two diagonally left. Yes, the crossword was that amazing it went diagonally. Anyways, all was going well for Dartz until some bitching occurred between the rest of his gang. "Okay okay, now evwybody calm the *eff* down!" Dartz tried to defuse the situation. "Can you not see that I'm twying to deo this cwossword!" "Sorry boss, but the new guy's being a douche-bag again." Raphael pointed towards the rest of the gang, bickering over who's turn it was to clean up. "I just do not see the point in having to do the dishes," Blueblood looked disgusted at the sight of the kitchen. "Considering I have a lack of hands. It should be the janitor's job, not mine." "Since I am most definitely not a villain," Professor Alexander Brisbane walked in with a scrubbing brush and bright, pink latex gloves. "I might as well clean up the mess." Zombie Boy then gave an irritated stare at the snobbish stallion. "Then why can't you use that magic-thingy with your horn?" "Because royalty does not simply do manual labor! Even if it is with magic." Blueblood tended to his own hooves with a file to prove his sophistication. "Mate, pull yer bloody weight or else I'm gonna put yer head on a mantlepiece!" Valon said, pulling out his Bushwacka, miming a cutting action against his throat. Unfortunately, he never went to mime school and ended up slitting his own throat thanks to him using the wrong side of the blade. As he crumpled to the floor, bleeding out in a growing puddle of blood from the critical wound, Alistair showed up, distracting everyone with that annoying voice of his. "Everyone! I've got great news!" He pulled out a crumpled up flyer from his rear pocket. "There's a mercenary audition over at Pimp Palace." "Whoah, whoah, whoah!" Dartz shouted unnecessarily to get everyone's attention. He than spoke after a moment's silence. "When's this *eff*ing sh*t on? Alistair then read off the sheet for more details. "The letter says they're on this afternoon." Getting off his chair, Dartz made an epic pose towards the surface. "Then we shall become the grweatest mercenarwies in the univwerse! Now we will see who has the best dyck in the world, Marwik Bwishtar!" Blueblood gave a puzzled look to Raphael. "Did he say deck or d*ck?" "It's best not to find that out…" Raphael said, on the verge of throwing up again. "Help me…" Valon softly spoke as he continued losing dangerous amounts of blood and the bright, healthy glow from his tanned skin slowly faded away. "I'll get the mop." Professor Brisbane walked over his limp body towards the supply cabinet. The Pimp Palace… (http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=ZL5uDylNh3o#t=9s) "Whah hah hah ha. This is the life Discord…" Melvin reached over from his throne to hold onto his partner's hand as they continued watching the renovations of what was once Canterlot Castle. "All of our hard work and effort has finally paid off…" Discord then looked into Melvin's eyes. The icy cold glare only made him want Melvin even more as his heart began racing around his body, trying to overtake that annoying liver. "Now we can spend the rest of our lives being happy…" "Together…" And in that magical moment, as they slowly moved towards each other, and the music changed to something more romantic… *ahem* I said, the music changed to something more romantic… Hang on a sec. [Saker, where's that hyperlink?] ≤Sorry guys, I smoked it on my way to Seven-11.≥ […You guys are idiots… No wonder you're my only friends that don't mind me being a brony. I have a stoner and a spastic who would destroy and idea of Friendship and Harmony in nanoseconds.] ≤We can change! I'll become a real man and start to use PCP instead of water!≥ [Okay, how is this going to work from here that doesn't involve crappy Seinfeld jokes… Hmm… People who read off sites with quotes from 90's sitcoms deserve to be beaten over the head with a sack of coathangers… I've said too much. (Let me out! I want to write the story!) Write your own story, stupid spit subconscious personality.] And as the two lovers moved in for a long and romantic kiss that would go for about thirty seconds, their new butler interrupted them. "Attention duelists," The hair guy shouted in an unnecessary manner. "My hair is handing you a list of applicants for being your mercenaries." Discord removed the Moleskin note pad from the hair guy, that contained a record all the people that were considered mildly threatening at most. He read what was on the front page and just bursted into a hysterical laugh. "Oh my! We hire HIM? Hah, it's sad to see that there aren't enough characters from the two series to do this job." Discord wiped a tear from his disproportionate eyes. "Couldn't we hire some professionals," Melvin got the attention of his boyfriend. "Like Greedo, the Vault Hunters, Dog the Bounty hunter, or even Deadpool!" "Well." Discord began to explain himself. "Greedo's dead because Han shot first (get it right, George Lucas, you cheap sell-out), the Vault Hunters are from Borderlands 2, a video game based on a fictional planet, which you haven't stopped playing since it came out." "But I like that game!" "Dog the Bounty hunter is the biggest pussy in the world by using pepper spray, and the famous 'Merc with a mouth' is off in other fanfics, comics, parody videos and memes throughout the Internet. In fact, the writer also happens to edit a certain Deadpool fanfic." Melvin gave Discord a bewildered look. "You don't mean…" Discord's malicious grin told everything. "Yes I do… He works for Novablast15. Now let's get through the list." He then went back to the list. "We have a lot of ground to cover…" Contestant No 1 "So who are you again…" Melvin questioned the almighty Sayian Prince standing before him, double-checking his list. "I am Vegeta." The Sayian said. "Look, I know I'm from Dragon Ball Z Abridged, but could you consider hiring me?" He took off his scouter. "It's either this or Dairy Queen… And I am really wanting to avoid the latter." "Fine, fine." Discord grumbled in boredom. "What are your special abilities?" "I can turn into a giant monkey, immortality is my b*tch, and one of my many applicable skills are that I can deal with idiots. Just letting you know, that is quite a lot compared to even half of what the retards that showed up could ever achieve." Vegeta just stood there, cross-armed and waiting for their decision. Melvin then gave a nod to Discord, who then in turn gave a nod back to Melvin, nodding again to the Hair guy, who then nodded to Vegeta, and then nodded himself to Ghost Nappa. Cutting straight to the point, realising that copying a Family Guy joke only works with the visual effect and not just in word form, Melvin said: "You're hired, only if you say 'It's over nine thousand!', like you do in the real series." "…You know what, f*ck this. I'm out." Vegeta flew off, straight through the ceiling of Pimp Palace, allowing asbestos insulation to collapse and spill onto the marble floor. "Mental note:" Discord dictated to himself as he wrote. "Ask designers about natural lighting installments." "Next!" Melvin shouted. Contestant No 48 "Well, well, well. Diethard Reid…" Discord said, turning around on his new swivel throne. "We meet again." "Um actually, this is the first time you've seen me." Diethard spoke with his Brooklyn accent (not like Joey's, thank Ra). "I take it you already know about me?" "Why yes," Melvin smiled. "I know all about Code MENT. You really need this third job that badly, don't you?" "You don't know how much money you can waste on Steam games…" The TV producer and loyal follower of One hung his head in shame. "Too bad then. Because all applicants must be at least a four on the villain test, which you scored a two on. Good bye." "Dammit! I knew I should've cheated to gain more marks!" "Next!" Contestant No 635 "So… Gilda is it?" Melvin asked for the female gryphon's name. "Yeah, what about it?" She replied, not really giving a flying buck about it, forelegs crossed across her chest. "Well according to these series of police records, in ascending order of seriousness, you have: taken scandalous and degrading pictures of Prince Blueblood; stolen the little packets of sugar from numerous coffee stores; over two thousand library books overdue; stolen numerous pyromaniac tools and equipment; started an illegal discount cremation service; slashed the wheels of thirty-six carriages; associated yourself with the Gryphon Resistance Army terrorist group; been caught speeding several times flying under the influence of sea salt, alcohol, and crystal meth; been caught not paying for a train ticket to Appaloosa; harassed a senior citizen retirement village by lacing their food with laxatives, clogging their toilets and taking their wheelchairs; been caught on numerous occasions pick-pocketing; been caught pick-pocketing ponies who were pick-pocketing other ponies; counterfeited over a billion bits in the past two years; burnt down the Detrot Detention centre; committed multiple grand theft carriages; smuggled sea salt to Canterlot through the Mexicolt drug ring; been caught with the use of n00b tubes; been found killing mentally disabled ponies; killing regular ponies; killing super ponies; tea bagged those dead bodies; sexually violated all of the bodies; made a mass cremation of those said bodies; committed arson of a forest; arson of a thunderstorm; arson of a school; arson of an entire town; been charged with defacement of public property; displacement of public property; re-selling of public property; called Princess Celestia the b word, the c word and the z word; punched a puppy in the face; and of course, the most serious offense known about life, the universe and everything, you made Fluttershy cry." The gryphon raised a brow. "And?" "You're hired." Contestant No 7390 "Oh, it's Florence's human host." Melvin pouted as the pasty Brit made his way towards them. "Not so useful now to him, are we?" "I haven't the slightest idea what you are emploring." Ryo said, dusting off his jumper a little bit as his nerves came upon him. "I am seeking to join your band of pickpockets so that I could end up in an orphanage, begging for more gruel and then eventually escaping to write a musical based on my experiences growing up in an Industrial-Age London. Also there have been these strange robots around home and I can't find my mummy." "Hmm." Discord rubbed his chin, as if pondering hard over what the Brit had just said. "And if I gave you super powers, what would you call yourself?" "I would be Limey-Man! Drinking cups of tea whist kicking sensitive little bottoms!" "…Quite the extravagant homosexual, but that settles things for me. You're hired!" "I'm not gay, I'm just British." "Is there really a difference?" "Not really. Only a few minor details." "So exactly the same?" Melvin grinned in a way similar to that of someone who's going to rape someone. "…Am I hired if I say yes to that question?" Ryo Bakura backed away slightly from his potential murderer. "Most definitely. Did we mention how we pay in pounds…" "That's not so bad…" "…of gold." "Yes they are exactly the same!" Contestant No NINJA "Do you have any questions before we accept your application? Naruto of Little Kuriboh's Naruto the Abridged Comedy Fandub Spoof Series Show?" Discord "Yes I do Master Discord-sama-sensei-senpai-san-dono-fourchan-tan-pi-me-hakase-ojou-hime-shishou-kun." Naruto took a long hard breath from his cigarette. "Why is everything in this place a f*cking pony!" "Actually, there are more than ponies in this world. There are dragons, donkeys, gryphons, sea serpents and a plethora of other magical creatures in the wonderful kingdom of 'Awesome Land™', ruled by us in a fascist monarchy." "Why does nothing make f*cking sense in this fanfic at all? It's like the writer's stoned or something. More stoned than me!" "Well the good news is you're in." Melvin ticked off Naruto's name on the list they had along with everyone else who had conveniently auditioned beforehand offscreen. "Now it's time for a montage of all the people who made it or failed!" The Big Brother house… Walking into the kitchen, Saker strode in like a pimp and just stared at Chris, who was in a lab coat, his underwear and a vial of chemicals in his left hand. "Look at me!" Chris became the centre of Saker's very short attention. "I'm that guy who makes all the drugs on that TV series!" "Hah, lol." Saker just laughed. "I was walking in to get a knife and a chainsaw to eat some cereal." Luna trotted in to see what the commotion was all about. "Christopher, Anthony, how are we today?" Chris shrugged. "Making the meth, gettin' high; nothing much." "Then who is that bald man in the cage?" She pointed her hoof at the drug loaded corpse from a 'safe' amount of blue meth. "Oh that's Krillin. He's now my test subject and he loves it, isn't that right, Krillin?" Chris looked at Krillin. All the dead body of Krillin did was flop to the side of his cage, green blood oozing from his eyes in a sickening manner. His festering skin, shriveled like a prune, crackling under the harsh UV light. "Shut the f*ck up Krillin! It's not a lie if you believe it!" Chris backhanded the body, exploding the Krillin ownage meter. "Saker, I have something important to tell you." Luna looked over to Saker who was busy putting ice cream int the toaster. "I know you love me and this scene is really gay and a last minute type-up but yes, I want to make pancakes with you." Saker took the microwave and tried to put it in a motor oil stir-fry. "No, Saker," Luna shook her head. "Where is my sister? She always disappears into her room every month or so for a few days… And where is your other friend… The one that keeps on typing stuff." "Oh yeah, Morgie. I don't know… All I do know is that he's writing this chapter and trying to release it early so he can do the good in the driving exams." He lowered his head in shame. "I feel so sorry for everything that exists within a universe of him and a car. There will be death, and an end to all Asian and Female stereotypes of being bad drivers." "I hope he's alright… Who knows what would happen if Celestia's weird, monthly pains where she moans…" Bursting through the window of the house, the breaker of windows had kangaroos glued to his shoes. Why do you ask this? Well because it's… "EXTREEEEEEEEEEEEME!!!!" Saker decided to intervene whilst his smelting pot of Gak soup was on fire. "Who the fuck are you, are you selling religion and what are your rates?" "Hi everybody, I'm Yuma from Yu-Gi-Oh! ZeXal™ and I'm here to steal all of your profits as a popular fan fiction!" The strange stranger danger strangest stranger half-shouted. "We're a fan fiction." Chris turned around from abusing a DBZ Abridged character. "We don't make money, but you can donate kindly to this site and we can arrange some sort of deal." "I thought meta stories about that site weren't allowed?" Yoma gave Chris a weird look. Taking out his bong, Chirs looked back at his monkey meth-makers. "It's amazing what meth can be used to barter for." "Who is this?" Luna asked Saker who was pouring bleach into the milk-flavoured cardboard box. "A mistake." Saker continued on with his 'cooking'. "No, I lied. He is a desperate attempt to steal money from a bunch of children and autistic men-children." "And what does the X stand for?" "Well…" Chris was then rudely interrupted. "The X stands for EXTREEEEEEEEEEEEME!!!!" "Why is there colour in his speech?" Saker pointed out on the page, indicating the change in visual display. "Saker, you can't see color in someone's speech,"  The stoner moved his Pepsi Next can away from the candle for a small sip. "Just like you can't correct your spelling when speaking." "STOP TELLING ME WHAT I CAN AND CAN'T DO!" Finding it the perfect time to interrupt the out of context conversation, Yuma managed to say his mildly menacing threat. "Now I'm going to send you all to the moon!" "You ain't got no pancake mix!" Saker held a frying pan up to his face with the intent of cooking up some of the delicious delicacies. "Also, why?" "Saker, he already answered tha–" Chris was unfortunately cut off again by Yoma's unnecessarily loud shouting. "Because it's EXTREEEEEEEEEEEEME!!!!" "Thou shalt not move in a fast manner, female canine!" Luna raised her hoof in objection, her eyes glowing with concentrated anger. "Thou hath little knowledge of what thou be copulating with. Did I say that right?" "Sort of…" Saker commented on the confusing insult. "Try saying it in a slightly less gay accent." "You mean the Ye Olde Equestrian accent?" "Precisely, anything that sounds remotely gay is considered British." "Fine." Luna sighed as she prepared to repeat herself again, only this time it would make much more sense. "Not so fast, bitch! You don't know what you're dealing with." "That's okay, I'll just use my army of EXTREME pigeons that I stole from Sesame Street to make you give me all your money!" Yuma snapped his fingers, summoning forth a mass of the feathery beasts from within the pouches of his kangaroos. As they formed around the ZeXal protagonist, the dark cloud enshrouded the unsuspecting trio. "I would be mildly terrified if I was a statue right now." Anthony looked up to meet the mass of avian menaces. "But today I am shitting cinderblocks by the moles." "That doesn't even make sense!" Luna tried to correct Saker's distorted logic but gave up as she finished her sentence, sighing in defeat. "Don't worry guys!" Chris pulled out a giant bird cage covered in a bed sheet from underneath the kitchen sink. "I made some genetically-mutated, crack-addicted crows to help defend us!" Pulling the sheet off the cage, the green eyed, diseased birds within the wire prison sat there patiently, waiting to released onto their prey. "EXTREME pigeons, attack him now!" Yuma gestured towards Saker, sending the pigeons to annoy the living hell out of him. "Someone help me!" Anthony pathetically pleaded as he stood still, feathers falling all around him with the mindless birds doing nothing whatsoever. "I'm too lazy to simply walk away from them." "Now my pretties, fly! Fly! Do your master's bidding!" Chris finally opened up the latch, letting all of his avian monstrosities take flight and eat Saker along with the pigeons annoying him. "My EXTREME pigeons! No!" The boy with rediculous hair yelled in denial whilst his army was consumed in a grotesque manner too bloody and disgusting to describe. "Yay! Now make them stop eating me. Chris?" Anthony looked towards Chris, who retained his creepy Me Gusta face as the crows began to bore deeper into his body. "And here's part two of my plan!" Chris pointed towards him in a way that translates as 'It sucks to be you so much f*cking balls!'. "Give me uncensoring rights, you f*cking *bleep* and I'll tell them to eat Yoma instead." "Um, how about no, because I can respawn and I don't care about your baby squirrel dick problems." After giving Saker some time from his seventh respawn into the crows, prolonging their feeding frenzy, Chris spoke again. "Anthony, uncensor me now!" "Nope, Chuck Testa!" Anthony appeared behind the drug, obsessed maniac as the crows continued to digest the perfectly disguised mannequin with a discreet smiley face drawn on the back of its head, along with another seven corpses of his. Shoving Chris into the murder of murderous crows, Saker shouted his battle cry for getting a revenge kill. "Eat a dick!" Chris, laughing manically over his creations as they ate his regenerating body to a point where he could no longer move freely. "Yes my children… Feed on me… Grow stronger with daddy's flesh!" "And now to walk away with kangaroos glued to my feet." Yuma discreetly tried to shuffle away, but with kangaroos glued to your feet, this is very difficult and resulted in a face plant of failure. Anthony, full of win and happiness, simply crouched near their problem. "How about a trip to the moon?" "What?" Pulling out a red keyboard, he pushed the plastic keys in any random sequence and singing horribly at the same time. "Pootis Yuma on the moon!" Since it was a magic keyboard, and everyone knows when you mention magic your argument can't be wrong, Yuma dissappeared a nanosecond later. "Lulz! I win!" Scarred by everything she just saw, Princess Luna could only manage a few words. "Remind me never to go near Chris again." "Agreed." Saker smiled and walked off to find other amusing ways for him to die and respawn. In Celestia and Tom's room… "Oh Tom!" Celestia cooed to her roommate, who was hunched over busily slaving away for the new chapter. "I have something to show you!" She said, holding a banana with her magic in a phallic way. "Not now Celestia, I have the Alf Stewart fanfic and my other two story ideas to work on vigorously." Morgie dismissed her. "If you want to have some time alone to do your business with a banana, I'll put my headphones on to block out the moaning noises. Jeez, every time you do that, coincidentally there seems to be a ghost looming around the place." Her shadow then loomed over Tom. "The banana's for you…" As she prepared herself, Tom's mind just kept playing this song through the pain. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zaGUr6wzyT8) "THE SONG'S A LIE!!!!" Awakening from his desk, covered in drool as he slept with his mouth open, Tom quickly got up and cleaned up the mess. "God-frigging-dammit. No more Red Bull for me before going to bed." He said, throwing the can of empty energy drink away. "Now to continue with the–" Before he could utter another word, the head of Bob Marley appeared before his eyes. "SURPRISE, MOTHERFUCKER!" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=X81lT0BX18k#t=293s) Waking up from the painful nightmare, drenched in sweat after screaming like a little girl (http://www.youtube.com/watch?list=UU2NU0s1H0p9N4jvF7qV59vA&feature=player_detailpage&v=j7opnsG-oBg#t=124s), Tom sighed. "That was the most scariest thing I have ever experienced with my anus and Bob Marley. At least it was all a dream…" "Or was it…" Rolling over to the other side of the bed, Morgie saw Celestia giving the biggest rape face possible behind him. "Well now I have more suppressed memories now." "I have a song that reminds me of our special moment." Celestia turned on the CD player with her magic, blasting out some romantic music (http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=CHekNnySAfM#t=20s) for her to continue loving, or from Morgie's perspective, raping him throughout the night. "CURSE YOU BOB MARLEY!!!" Tom shouted as she began to mount him… I have said too much. Back to the pimp palace… ≤So here are some takes of the next scene that got rejected until we get bored.≥ "You come to me on the day of my daughter's wedding, to ask me to let you join our exclusive society?" Melvin said in a deep Italian accent. "That is correct, godfather." Frieza spoke in a strong Russian accent. "I am sorry to say that I cannot allow you to enter our organisation." Melvin then turned to his right hand hit-man, Discord. "Waste him." "Say hello to my little friend!" Discord pulled out his overpowered gun and blew back Frieza's head as it became many tiny droplets of blood, splayed all over the carpet. Both laughing manically together, they proceeded to take the body outside and dump it in the nearby lake to swim with the fishes. From there, Frieza's body will get his own 70's sit-com featuring the toxic waste pipe and Mr Grey water where– ≤No! That was terrible! Though it's better than half the crap on fanfiction.net, I bet you that I could make it better!≥ ≤Don't call me fat! I'm insecure about my body as it is with three arms.≥ ≤I'll have a meatlong football please with extra grapes… Oh yeah, The Stoner version≥ So like these two dudes are getting high with this one dude and theyre all heeyyyyyyy man yo want some weeeeeed and he's all hheeeeeeeeeeell yeah and so they start to zudgsKH ,gbt7 IP0 9UJI HZFE;OS8P HGUIBEP uH &–mls,mkjhgfdmjvn;uhg and then there was this dog at seven eleven and so we uag bewykfilngyn bwae kufinzatbfuei ouhpnB FUKILMOUYBF TMj,.id:AUYGBkdo;zsaehtwybfkz.seit9ybzg lsah The end. PS: Saker died. ≤I don't care! You're dead!≥ Walking into the shipping harbour, Frieza checked around for any signs of company, in which to his relief there was no one around. Heading up to a shipping container, closing the door of it as any good citizen would, a black Melvin walks up to him with a hand gun and a party hat on and says… "Surprise, muthaf*cka! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=ATLWXy0Hz00)" He shouted as a bullet then went into the back of Frieza's head. And Discord, just for the sake of it blew his party blower and made it rain serial killers for the real Dexter Morgan to deal with over who knows how many seasons. What a realistic and refreshing concept for a television series. ≤And here's my personal favorite: The correct way!≥ "Look, I'm sorry Frieza, we don't have enough time for you, so we have to let you go." Melvin said, taking out a handkerchief to wipe the tears in his eyes. "Discord," He looked over to the draconequus. "Do it." Pressing a button on the side of his chair labelled 'Rejection', the floor beneath Frieza opened up, revealing a dark, bottomless hole where he would burn forever in the pits of Tartarus. That's what they expected until a plume of burning hot lava immersed him, melting his remains and covering up all traces apart from a massive burn mark on the carpet they had just laid out. "I didn't know it did that." Discord said, both eyes wide in surprise. "Well you installed it, didn't you?" Melvin replied. "I thought that you ordered it to be fixed in, right?" As the two shrugged in unison over the matter, their front door was brutally removed from its hinges and sent through the air where, with a solid impact on the marble floor, made a deep, booming sound resonate throughout the room. "Pwepare for twouble, douchebags!" The voice said as it came through the open gateway along with a few more of his fellow troupe. Forming up around Dartz right in front of the two current rulers of 'Awesome Land', both of them just facepalmed themselves. "Really, do we have to deal with this now?" Melvin whined. "Can't we just call them back next millennia when they actually become a considerable threat?" "You guys suck more dyck than usual!" The hair-colour changing leader said, agitated more than when someone gets sand in their bathers. "We drowe nahntay-two miles and had to stop at a gas station with no Lays man, no Lays!" Discord only smiled as his eyes gleamed with a new plan. "Sure we might such but you my friend, rock. Literally." "What the *eff* is that supposed ta me–" Were the only words that could escape Dartz' mouth as the rock and roll star froze into a statue. "It means you can either be our bitches or our statues." Discord said with delight, pulling out a wardrobe of metal slave bikinis. "It's your choice if you want padding or not." "Getting on with our last applicant," Melvin grumbled as Discord ushered their new bitches to the dungeons. "Would you like to do a mission before we hire you full time?" "Yeah I'm cool with this," The voice from the teen said, sounding similar to someone of the Yu-Gi-Oh! franchise. "I only have one thing to say." "And that is?" "Where the f*ck are my Cheetos." [Hey Vegeta! I took over the writing part for Morgie this chapter! Yay! And then he’s taking me to Dairy Queen! DAIRY QUEEN!] [My name is Ghost Nappa! Voiced by one of the funniest guys ever: Takahata101.] [Anyways, I heard you have caught all 151 Pokémon, is that right?] [I’ll just read what he wanted me to say so I don’t get whacked: ‘Help me. I am trapped in a house with a substance abuser with a God complex…’] ≤Yo, what up?≥ [‘…Luna, who basically does nothing until Season Two… (cough, cough; spoilers, cough) An idiot that has the ability to save us all in a convenient deus ex machina style but is too distracted by his own hair and anything that exists…’] [Being bald is much better than having to take care of split ends all the time.] [I might buy some after someone releases a fan fic based off me and Vegeta which no-one hasn’t gotten around to even completeing! I might just kill them all… or use my Master Ball to catch 'em! Oh wait, there’s one last thing: ‘…And worst of all, which makes me and my bottom quiver in fear… is Molestia…’ Huh, I wonder if she’s a Pokémon…] [Okay then, see you all soon. Be sure to spread the story to your friends, enemies and maybe your families. Also the next chapter… Where are Jaden’s Cheetos? Will Tom get some sleep tonight? Where’s the next episode, Little Kuriboh? Nobody knows… I’m Ghost Nappa, and this is Vengeance, Card Games and Magic: An Idea that was spawned as a result of a fanboy’s sleep deprived hallucinations after two weeks of reading pony fan fiction and finishing off the Season Two finale. F*cking fanboys.] "… And that's how Equestria was made!" Pinkie half-shouted, revealing the scene of an extravagant ball filled with dignitaries and other upper class snobs. Unknowingly, the ball was set in Kaiba's re-re-furbished pad, because why the f*ck not and he couldn't be bothered in booking out the entire city to host a ball. Most of the main cast were just standing around like muppets, dressed in expensive clothes, confused and unsure of what to do in these situations, that was except for Twilight, who was having a word with a gentleman with purple eyes and a strange seagull that randomly appears at times in those said eyes. "I don't get what was so bad about this chapter, Lelouche." The lavender mare waited for his to finish reading the parts of what seemed to be this current chapter. "Can you please give me some sort of idea as to what was wrong with it?" "Only that it sucked. What is surprising though is that Chapter Two Plus Two Equals Five has the second most views in the entire story, apart from the first mistake…" Lelouche, voiced by purpleeyesftw, said in an uncaring manner. "By the way Kaiba, thanks for inviting me and Suzaku over here. It must've been a stretch for you to set this sort of thing up, you know with all the complaints about crossovers and whatnot." "Not at all." Kaiba said, not really moved by inferiors. "I enjoy having people over who have less money than I do. It makes my Blue-Eyes happy." "And that makes Trixie happy." Trixie walked up beside the extravagant millionaire, muzzling near a certain region of his anatomy. "Especially when she learns that in season three she p0wns your sorry flank, Twilight Sparle!" "But knowing the nature of a typical episode, and the fact I am one of the main protagonists, you have some item which intensifies your magic, causing me to train harder for an easy win against minor antagonists such as yourself that rely on hax. It's kind of cliché but what can you do?" Twilight shrugged, completely comfortable with the future synopsis. "Wait, what?" "Just asking outta curiousity, why is the lesbian pony and that blonde Brooklyn guy in dog costumes?" "We're dressing up for a post-subsequent-ensuing-hindmost-postliminary Halloween costume after-party." Joey continued to weird out everyone with a glass of punch in his paw. "I think the word your looking for is 'furry convention'." Kaiba made a smug comment to his most hated 'friend'. "F*ck you, asshole!" Rainbow Dash raised her hoof, realising that she couldn't flip the guy off due to a lack of hands. "Considering what the Internet has done to you, I'd rather not." "Shut up, you scalie!" Lelouche continued the chain of insults about fetishes. "Your friend is dressed up as a cat and everyone's paying out us?" Joey gestured towards his fried who was busy eating the cutlery made of ridiculously expensive metals. "I'm Neil Armstrong." Suzaku said in his cat costume, one of the forks piercing his nose. "Of course you are." Lelouche replied to his friend's usual stupidity. "I'm glad that nothing's going to ruin this perfect ni–" Yugi entered the conversation to keep things moving. "Murphy's Law." Twilight stated. "What?" "Murphy's Law: 'Anything that can go wrong will go wrong'." "As if something lame like that would happen." Busting into the scene again, Pinkie jumped in with her only 'logical' explanation. "It is! My Pinkie Sense is telling me that someone's going to crash the party!" "I bet it's Santa Clause!!" Tristan was ignored as usual with his nonsense. "Can you at least tell me if it's someone we all want to choke in their sleep?" Kaiba glared down at the pink mare. "The whiny little brat in Game of Thrones whose the son of the Incest Queen?" Duke said, having more swag than the (p)Imp on the very show. "Don't you mean Insect Que– Oh now I get the joke." "So incest is not only for animals and country ponies?" Fluttershy whispered as the result of fanservice, causing everyone to give the only Southern character a look of disproval. "Now wait just a gosh-darn minute!" Applejack attempted to deny that possible fact which nearly everyone expects to be true. "Ah–" In an ironic and totally not expected twist of events, the lights blacked out as a dense plume of smoke filled the room. Blinding them all with a sudden beam of light, a figure dressed in dark clothing appeared. His costume, hand-stitched by his mother, absorbed all the excess light and continued to drive the guests into paranoia. "Get the f*ck outta here, you rich assholes!" The voice said, his mask covering any attempt to identify who it was. "That is unless you want to make a forced donation to charity without any tax returns." This statement didn't move the protagonists, however it sent hysteria through the minds of the affluent guests. "The horror!" "I don't want to waste my money on something that helps others!" "Surely there must be a way to protect my needless amounts of money! Maybe by asking President Romney to lower taxes for the rich might help me!" "Why that's a brilliant idea!" "Romney! Romney! Romney!" As the room suddenly became barer than the inside of Kaiba's heart, the Supreme King (Faggot) approached the massive protagonists, and Yugi's grandpa, with a crazed bloodthirsty look on his face as the mask fell off. Ironically, this was similar to the face of a baby kitten curling up to sleep in its soft, warm bead. "Oh joy. It's you, again." Yami pouted. Tristan gave their pending doom a stare of disapproval. "You're not Santa." "Why hasn't anyone taken me out of the box yet?" Téa complained as she shook her cardboard prison in an attempt to break free. [(Expecting that tart, Morgan? Why I feel sorry for the lot of you. I mean really, most of you are obsessed over a tedious card game and tedious show revolving around magical ponies. And before you ask, yes, yes I am evil. Here's the new season (http://mlp-fim.com/53) and episode (http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&list=UU2NU0s1H0p9N4jvF7qV59vA&v=j7opnsG-oBg) you've been promised. I spy with my little eye, something involving more fanfics, crazed fans, and Lord Donut Steel of the Sombrero Republic. Cherrio!)]