Scootaloo VS a Stupid Cop
Scootaloo stared at the Officer in disbelief “You want my WHAT?”
“Your license and registration Miss” The officer repeated firmly “Hoof em over!”
“I don’t have one of those, I don’t even know what that last one is!!”
“Miss, you need a License to operate a vehicle in Equestria! It is also required by law to have said vehicle registered with your local DMV.”
“But this is a SCOOTER!” Scootaloo cried out, pointing a hoof at her prize possession. “That law is only for motorized vehicles, scooters don’t count. PLUS I’m only like ten years old!!”
“Miss, the reason I pulled you over was because you were riding on the wrong side of the bike path back there!”
“Riding on the wrong side of the road?” Scootaloo repeated. “What the flop are you talking about? You were blocking my way on the path, and I was just passing you!!”
“Still Miss you are not allowed to ride on the right side of the path into oncoming traffic. That’s unsafe!!”
“Nopony was coming the other way, AND it’s a dotted line!!” Scootaloo pointed at the yellow markings along the middle of the pathway. “Yellow dotted line means you are allowed to pass, which was exactly what I was doing!! A straight line means no passing, but a dotted line means you’re allowed to. This is a dotted line, correct?”
“Miss spare me the commentary on the law, point is you were riding on the wrong side of the path!”
“NO I WASN’T!!!”
“Listen to me!” The Officer interrupted “One thing, I’m a cop! Wouldn’t you rather see a Police Officer around here, making sure there’s no crimes being committed? Most ponies would love to see a Police Officer doing his job!”
“Gee I’d LOVE to see that too” Scootaloo shot back, her words dripping with sarcasm “Yet here you are pulling me over for making a turn on a dotted line, while some pony out there is probably getting robbed or destroying public property!!”
“Miss were not talking about everypony else right now, were talking about YOU riding on the wrong side of the path which is dangerous!!”
“For the last time IT’S A DOTTED PATH!!!” Scootaloo shouted, thrusting her hooves out again at the yellow lines “Tell me, does a dotted path mean you can pass or not? Yes or no? Because I’ll be MORE than happy to go ask another officer up at the station! Who’s there, what’s their name?”
“Ok Miss, you know what we’re going to do? I’m going to write you a ticket for unsafe speed!”
Scootaloo had to do a double take on that one. “Unsafe speed? On a child’s Scooter?!!!”
“Yes Miss, and the reason I’m going to write you up for unsafe speed is because you’re arguing with me!!”
“So in other words you’re not writing me up for an actual violation, you’re just writing me up for knowing the law better than you do!”
“No Miss. The reason I am writing you up for unsafe speed is because you were riding on the wrong side of the bicycle path, while looking at me, and complaining because a Police Officer was standing on the bicycle path. That’s unsafe!!”
“This is a joke right?” Scootaloo face hoofed shaking her head “Right Officer, just is a flipping joke?”
“No Miss, the law is not a joke!! Now what’s your name?” The officer asked pulling out a small clip board and a pen.
“Princess Celestia!”
“Miss, do I honestly look that stupid to you?”
“Actually, yes!” Scootaloo muttered as a few passerby’s giggled.
“Miss let’s not play games here, now what’s your name?”
“Scootaloo.”
“Thank you! When is your birth date?”
“June seventeenth, two thousand and five!!” Scootaloo answered, continuing to give the officer a glare that clearly wished him a most painful death.
“Alright Miss Scootaloo, and how old are you?”
“Are you KIDDING ME??? I just told you like five minutes ago!!!”
“Miss, I’m tired of arguing with you, please just tell me your age!”
“Look I just gave you my birthdate right?” Scootaloo asked as though she was a teacher talking to one of her students. “So it should be simple math to just count down from the year of my birth to this year to figure out how old I am. You DID at least pass the third grade right?”
“As a matter of fact yes I did!!”
“Ok then so let’s start from two thousand five and count down” Scootaloo began counting on her feathers “One, two, three, four, come on you should be doing this yourself!”
“Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine,” The Officer began counting reluctantly, while more and more onlookers stopped along the path staring and laughing at him.
“Very good. Now this may come as a shock to you but you may have to actually use your BRAIN on this last one, try not to strain yourself!" Scootaloo grinned clearly enjoying herself. “Now what comes after nine?”
“…….Ten!”
“VERY GOOD!!!” Scootaloo reached up and petted the officer on his helmet while onlookers rolled around on the floor in fits of laughter. “Good BOY, Who’s a good wittle bittle copy woppy, would the good copy woppy like a cookie wookie?”
The Officer pulled away from her reached, and busied himself with writing on the ticket. Even through his visor, Scootaloo could tell he was fuming with embarrassment. “Ok Miss, now if you are doing acting like a child…”
“I am a child you incompetent buffoon!!” Scootaloo reminded him, causing more laughter from the crowd.
“Can I have your ADDRESS Miss?” The Officer asked, his voice beginning to show signs of irritation.
“Aren’t you a little old for me?” Scootaloo asked doing her best Rarity impression.
“You’re ADDRESS MISS!!”
“Sure, I live with my parents!” Scootaloo answered.
“And where do they live Miss?”
“In the house!” Scootaloo answered grinning.
“And where IS their house?”
“Next to our neighbors!”
“And where do your neighbors live?”
“Oh you wouldn’t believe me if I told you.” Scootaloo grin turned into a smirk.
“Where?”
“Next to my parent’s house!”
The Officer suddenly threw his clipboard onto the ground, his face contorted with rage. “OK MISS, I’VE HAD QUITE ENOUGH OF YOUR LITTLE GAMES!!! SINCE YOU’VE ALREADY GIVEN ME YOUR NAME AND BIRTH DATE I CAN JUST LOOK UP YOUR ADDRESS BACK AT THE STATION! AND AFTER THAT NOT ONLY AM I GOING TO SEND YOU A SPEEDING TICKET, BUT I’M ALSO GOING TO PUT IN FOR A WARRANT FOR YOUR ARREST FOR HARASSING A POLICE OFFICER!!! WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT PINT SIZE???!”
“Go ahead, I’m sure your boss would LOVE to hear how you bullied an innocent filly for making a perfectly legal turn on a dotted line.” Scootaloo called his bluff. “And while you do that I’M going to make a personal complaint to both Princess Twilight AND Princess Celestia about Police brutality, and I’ll be sure to give them your name Officer Trix Maiden!!” Scootaloo read his name off his badge before the Officer was able to cover it.
A flicker of fear passed over the Officers face at Scootaloo’s threat. But he shrugged it off, returning to his security cart. He gave her one final glare before slamming on the gas petal, only to find out he had switched gears to reverse on accident and drove backwards into the pond at full speed.
“YOU’RE AN EMBARRASSMENT TO LAW ENFORCEMENT, DO YOU KNOW THAT!!” Scootaloo shouted down at the Officer, as he sputtered angrily attempting to stay above water. Scootaloo left wondering who in their right mind hires a Cop who can’t even swim.
