Buck Club

Ponies keep asking me if I know Vinyl Scratch. What could I say? The one pony that was the bane of my existence and the reason I am tied to a pole with a gun in my mouth. She stood there with a sly smile on her face.

"This is it babe, the moment we've been waiting for. Aren't you excited? Do you have any special requests or words to mark this special occasion?"

"uuu... eeee... ugh... fff..ss"

When a gun is between your muzzle you speak only in vowels.

"Wait, what was that?" Vinyl removed the gun with her magic.

"I can't think of anything," I mumbled angrily

What was it about tasting metal of a gun helped me forget Vinyl's massive Bass Cannons, set in the many buildings across Manehatten, and made me remember she used that gun for more than just shooting? She trotted over to window in a sort of a sexy way, swaying her rump as much as she could. She was teasing me of course, because she knew I hated it when she did that. Her jokes had a way of crawling under my skin and stabbing me in the gut; pissing me off mostly.

She turned around to look at me and said in syrupy voice, "Things are getting exhilarating." Then she started jumping around the room with this big grin on her face. How could this pony be so evil, but look so innocent, like a young filly at Hearth’s Warming Eve?

We both had front seats to see her Concert of Mass Distortion. The Bass Committee of Project Mayhem had wired together 13 different Bass Cannons at the bottom of the most important buildings in Manehatten. With one single placement of a needle to a record, a sound wave will be sent to each Bass Cannon in the city, sending the buildings to the moon and leaving craters where Manehattan’s greatest features used to be. And the only reason I knew was because Vinyl knew it too.

Vinyl tried to stop sneaking looks at her watch, but did one more time just for good measure. There was a sickeningly-pleased tone in her voice as she spoke, "Why don’t you stop resisting this and enjoy what we have accomplished? The beginning of the end is in 2 minutes."

What had brought me to this point in my life? The underground club, Bass Cannons, gun in my muzzle. The whole thing was actually about a pony named Lyra Heartstrings.

Shoved into a hug by a tan coated and blue-pink haired pony. She was an earth pony, but had one awkward feature on her, Bitch Wings. I was in a self help group for mare and colts that had Avarian Cancer. This disease was caused by an overproduction of pegasus cells in Earth Ponies. The wings had no bone structure, but more like globs with feathers on them. Every pony in this group had some form of bitch wings, but Bon Bon's were the biggest.

So as she stood there crying in her embrace she said, " We are still earth ponies."
I returned with a firm, but sensitive tone, "Yes, yes we are."

She had to have surgery at the end of each month, unlike other ponies, because she had developed a more serious case of it. The amount of fluid in her wings would increase so much that it would make it impossible for her to even move. For Bon Bon, the surgeries were, at first, nothing to her but a monthly routine that kept her living a normal life, but there was a pain developing in the wings that steadily grew with each surgery. She had told her doctors of the pain, but there wasn't an elixir, potion, or magic that could get rid of it. It had gotten so bad that she felt she'd rather be dead than suffer from it.

Pulling away from me she looked at me with those tear stained eyes, coughing and sniffing a bit from her excessive crying she says, "Okay, you cry now."

Wait, I got a little ahead of myself. Let me start at the beginning.

For over 6 months I couldn't sleep. It had been the most unyielding case of insomnia I have ever had. My body had grown weak from so many nights of sleeplessness. As I stood there in my office copy room, watching my cup of green tea moving with the rails of the printing machine that was being run by a light blue coat, and dark blue mane earth pony, I felt as though I could collapse from exhaustion. But no matter how badly I wanted to, my body refused. The world around felt so far away, nothing was real: everything was a copy, of a copy, of a copy.

Lost in my own thoughts and blank stare on my face the earth pony stood up shook me a bit and said uneasily, "Everything all right?"

He had woken me, not from sleep, but from a daze that I could have been stuck in for an eternity. "Oh ye...ah. I'm fine, just fine," I lied. I grabbed the finished copies of my reports and trotted out of the room.

I have been having a lot of these out of body experiences lately. The insomnia had this affect me.

I hated my job, but it was the only job that I was qualified to do. As I sat at my desk, staring into the trash can at all the tea cups and many salad bowls, I started think about when I started to stoop so low into buying this cheap disgusting food. The lettuce wasn't even crisp, the salad smelled and tasted like hooves, and the tea was just plain disgusting, but is was the only thing I could get when you’re constantly on the road.

My boss came up to me and sat on my desk while shifting through his papers. He was a pudgy looking pegasus with tan coat and black mane. His cutie mark was a filing cabinet. What a pathetic talent to have.

With a slight pep in his voice he said, "I need you go to out of town this week. There are a few bands playing around Equestria and I need their copies of their music before the end of this month."

In a bored voice I said, "So you want me to stop filing the downloading permission forms and push them off to a later date?" I had been at this company for so long I knew exactly what he wanted before he asked.

"Yes, exactly, also make these your primary uploads. The others can wait until we have these in the system." He sounded like he was in a good mood today, must have gotten his 2 bit blow job. "Here are your train tickets, and call me if you have problems with your recordings." He gave me slight smile and trotted off.

That guy makes me sick to my stomach.

I grabbed my saddle bags placed them on my back side and trotted out of the office to the train station.