Chapter 1: Home Sweat Home... and Ponies
My name is John Cooper. I was born in 1985, graduated from High School in 2003, and got my own place to live in 2006. Since then, I've been happy. I got my own car, a steady full time job, some spare time to play and watch my collection of video games and movies, and sometimes reread my old Marvel comic books every now and then.
Basically, I had a perfect life. Not too rich, not too poor. Not too busy, not too bored. Sure, I don't have a wife and kids, but who cares; right? This is all just what I need- good house, good car, good movies and games; what is there I can possibly complain about? I mean, I guess there's my neighbor Kenny, but that's not important. He's just one of those government-obsessed lunatics that thinks Donald Trump is where he is now because of some 'shadowy conspiracy' scheme or something.
Other than that, my life couldn't be better.
So, yeah, I can already tell what you're thinking; 'regular guy? Regular life? And I'm reading a story about this? Yeah, the guy is somehow gonna get in an adventure and get laid'. Well... as cliched as it is, I guess that's so.
This is my story; it starts out boring, normal, but then suddenly six pastel colored ponies happened. Look, let's not waste time with the 'but no one would believe me, but it did happen!' kind of narration crap we get in the movies, I've seen that way too many times as a kid.
Right now I'm driving. Yay... I just finished work today. Basically, I'm an accountant, and I do accountant stuff... okay, I can't focus on that now, I'm trying to concentrate on the road ahead of me. Drivers' safety 101; always look where you're going, or you'll just run over those stupid kids that never look from left to right.
I sigh as I think about just how stupid kids these days. Look, I know I'll sound like my grandpa, but seriously, what happened to the younger generation? I remember we had shows like Spongebob, Fairly Oddparents, Hey Arnold, Ren and Stimpy, and Kim Possible! (ding, ding, ding-ding ding~! Damn, can't get that out of my head...) I remember it use to take wit to get the kids' attention. And those dirty jokes you don't get until you're older were so subtle!
But now... well... Bread Wingers, Franklin and Crash, and, well... Spongebob, the now dead horse that Nickelodeon is still beating. Basically, it doesn't take good comedy to get the kids laughing anymore. Nowadays, all you have to do is say 'buts', and they'll fall apart laughing! Seriously, kids these days. I mean, have you seen the Minions and Penguins movies? Had some good laughs, sure, but I swear that at every but-joke I only heard the middle schoolers laughing! Seriously, I loved Nickelodeon growing up, and they use to be so good! They had Avatar: The Last Airbender and Danny Phantom for crying out loud, and now they-- OH COME ON!!!
Great, I forgot that little Timmy's fifth birthday is today, now there are cars all over the place! I live in a neighborhood, so the roads are so freaking small, and I own a big white suburban, for crying out loud! I know I don't even have a wife, sure, but it was the most affordable... yeah, it's a 2000 Chevrolet, shame me.
Okay, don't panic, don't panic. Don't hunk, whatever you do for god sake, don't hunk! Just wait and I'll be able to go home... any second now... you know, sometimes I'm glad I brought my old Game Boy Color. That's right, suckers, you can go on and play your modern, everyday 3DSs that can give you pink eye or something, but I got the classic Gameboy with Pokemon Red!
And you know what's rich about it? I caught Mew, and still didn't suffer Missing No.! And no, no trades; Psychcat is mine! And yes, it's a horrible name for Mew, but I was drunk at the time I caught it.
Anyway, now to play against the champion again! Sure, they don't get any stronger or harder like Fire Red, but it's still fun and different every time none of the less... sort of.
Okay, I... can't see anything. Damn it, I can barely see anything on this thing! I sigh... then realize that some cars moved over.
Finally.
I turn off the game, stuff it back into my shirt pocket, and start to drive my way back home at last. Pulling up into my driveway, I park, slowly and steadily, before unbuckling myself and getting out of the car.
I stretch, yawning, finally ready to spend the rest of the day doing whatever the hell I feel like. I stick the key in and turn, finally entering my house.
"I'm home!" I announce. Three... two... one-- ah, here he is! "Hey, Happy!" I greet to my Russian blue cat as he curls around my leg and purrs. I pet him for a bit, then head straight for the brown couch. Lets see, I do kinda feel like playing Call of Duty, but I had been meaning to try House of Cards on Netflix since people kept talking about it during coffee brakes. Decisions, decisions... I head to my kitchen and grab myself a coke.
Oh, I know, I can play a five minute Brawl as Fox (my main) on Super Smash Bros. on Final Destination against a random level 9 computer, then I'll make up my--
What... how... why... this isn't... I don't...
---[({x})]---
I feel something... fuzzy pawing at me. Happy...?
My eyes slowly open. The fuzzy thing is round... and purple. Then the round purple fuzzy thing moves away, and a concerned purple face takes its place.
I scream, and back away as quickly as I can. "Who are you?! What are you?!" I exclaim. The purple one backs away, and the yellow one approaches me. It looks a bit harmless, and its smile sort of calms me... okay, now that I can breathe again, let's see what we've go here...
Horses. Six horses. Six colorful horses- one blue, one yellow, another one white, and the orange and purple ones I already mentioned, and one a nightmarish pink. And all of them have... butt tattoos? Did I drink again? I don't think I'd have in weeks. Then again, I might have and just forgot. What was I drinking again? Was it beer? No, it was coke... and it's spilled all over the carpet!
"Great, perfectly good coke wasted!" I exclaim as I point at the carpet where the can of coke continues to leak. "Now I have to clean it up!"
I get up and search under my sink for the spray and paper towels. I turn around, and the horses are all still there. "What?"
Their so... cartoony! They're eyes are big and a lot more expressive than ordinary horses. Their hair is colorful, too. Especially the one with the rainbow hair... is that a wig, or dye? If dye, then I feel so sorry for the hair stylist. Wait a second...
"This is a prank, isn't it?" I ask them. The purple one sighs, and shake it's head.
"No...?"
It nods.
I sigh, and grab the Oxiclean and paper towels. I kneel near the coke stain to clean it-- wait a second...
I turn my head.
"Did you nod?"
The others all crowd around the purple one, who all nod again.
"You understand me?"
It nods again.
"So I am crazy..."
It shrugs, which makes me chuckle.
"You know what? I'll play along for awhile. So you're all horses, you understand me, and you're in my house... why?"
The purple one opens it's mouth, but nothing comes out.
"You can't talk, can you?" I ask.
It shakes it's head.
It stay silent as I finally clean up the coke stain. Okay, what now...? I don't want anything to do with the horses, yet I don't know where or who to return them to... I guess it couldn't hurt to ask them.
"So, who's your owner? Is he someone in the neighborhood?"
The purple one gives me an offended look, then shakes its head.
"Of course... where did you come from, then?"
It opens it's mouth, only for nothing to come out.
"Right, you can't talk... do any of you mind if I let you all out into the wild?"
The white one faints.
Of course.
The purple one concentrates onto the white one as if it wanted to pick its friend up with its mind, but nothing happens. It gives the orange one with blond hair (and a cowboy hat?) a look. The orange one struggles to pick up the white one, looking both surprised and horrified at the same time....
"None of you can fend for yourselves at all, can you?" I ask.
They all hesitate. Finally, the yellow one nods.
Oh no... I don't know where they're from, they're weak and helpless, and I can't just let them get killed out in the woods! As much as I would love to get rid of them, I'm not heartless enough to do that!
What should I do...?
I turn when I hear the bouncy springs on my couch, only to find that the pink one hopped right on it.
"Hey! That's my couch! Get off!"
The pink one ignores me.
With a shrug, the blue, rainbow haired one sits somewhere on my carpet.
"No, stop, don't make yourselves at home! This is my home, not yours!" I yell. Soon, the purple and the white ones, along with the orange one with the cowboy hat are all sitting either on my couch or on the carpet."
After a moment of hesitation, the yellow one joins too.
I face palm.
What can I do about it...? Oh, goody,/i] now Happy is curling around the yellow one and is *purring!*
"No, Happy! Don't treat them like guest!"
Happy only purrs louder.
I sigh.
"Fine, you... you can all stay here..."
The horses all smile.
"For now!* Yes, I basically have no choice but to feed you and keep you here, but only until I know what else to do with you all! Got it?"*
They all nod.
I just hope this doesn't last long...