Following Nightmare Moon... And Luna!

by Davesknd

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Random, Slice of Life, Sex, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Romance, Original Character
Length: 5762

Short Stories from the lives of the "Followers of the New Moon", the once secret cult that worshiped Nightmare Moon and got the date of her return wrong. Hopefully they do better with worshiping Luna.

For years, the Followers of the New Moon have hidden from Celestia and prepared Equestria for the return of their one true Princess. They laboured tirelessly without doubt and remorse. They prepared and they prepared well!
Then they got the date wrong and completely humiliated themselves. But it takes more than that to keep them from dressing up in silly garb and meeting to up to work for a better Equestria!
These stories will mostly follow the chaos that Autumn Galerina and his soon-to-be wife Diamond Shadow have to deal with in their daily routine of being productive citizens and leading a cult of madponies who used to worship Nightmare Moon.

Expect snippets of romance, comedy, shameless cameos and excessive amounts of Autumn-abuse!

Title image made by me, smearing over the awesome work of Longinius-II

Published 2016-03-27 21:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-04-11 23:29:33 UTC

Here we are (again)!

Here we are (again)!

27!

All of them!

It was over! They had all been there! Nightmare Moon had lost! All they had worked for, prepared, met in secret over and prepared for was for naught! The eternal night would never come, Celestia’s rule would continue and in the grand scheme of things, the Followers of Nightmare Moon had been less than insignificant.
And yet, they had all come once again. Even the infiltrators and spies had returned, eager to support this new group, the new Followers of the New Moon. (All besides 3 little fillies who had school tomorrow and were excused)

“Friends! I… I am for once not sure what to say!” the leader announced from behind his little lectern. “I am incredibly humbled and happy to see all of you again. I am in fact so humbled, I have to apologize that we don’t have enough chairs for everyone. I just didn’t expect you all to show up again.”

“Is that the reason why I have to stand on the toilet?” Came a muffled voice from the bathroom.

“I am very sorry, next time we will meet in the school gym again. And not in my living room.” The cult leader continued as he considered throwing out the lectern since it was slightly uncomfortable having it shoved into your chest by the other cultists who were stacked up like apples in a cider press. With all of them wearing black robes, it was hard to tell where one of the ended and the other began.

“Now, my beloved cultists, starting with this night, we are no longer a secret society that meets to conspire for the greater good of Equestria! We are officially recognized as a non-profit, charity and activism organization under the banner of Princess Luna! We are entitled to act-“

“ONE MOMENT, BOSS!” came a loud voice from the crown. “I refuse to go on with this until we all stop and address the big elephant in the room!”

“There is an elephant in the room?” Asked another voice from the pantry, interrupted by a few munches “Is that why there is no space?”

“First of all: It’s a figure of speech!” The leader announced “And second: Don’t you eat that big blue mushroom in there! I think I overcooked it and made it hallucinogenic by mistake.”

“Ah! That’s why my mother is riding a T-Rex through the strawberries! Oh, look, waggles wuggles woogum!”

“Great...” the leader sighed as the pony in the pantry began giggling to himself. “So, what elephant are you talking about?”

“Well… THEM!” the other cultist said angrily and pointed towards two others. “Isn’t it questionable that we let them stay part of the followers after all they did?”

“You should be glad that I can’t spread my wings, Lower, because I refuse to be called an elephant in my own house without beating the snot out of someone!” One of the accused growled causing the accuser to tremble slightly.

“Now, now, honey, no assaulting the other cultists. He does have a point and I freely admit that we had some trust-issues within our group. But both Diamond Shadow and Twilight Sky want to be part of us in the future, even if we have to excuse the fact that they have been working for Princess Celestia all along. But we are no longer a secret society and report to our own Princess, so we basically can’t be spied on. Furthermore do I remind you all that a central part of our philosophy was giving Lady Nightmare Moon a second chance at ruling Equestria and if we do not offer a second chance to the infiltrators, we have forsaken our principles.”

“And throwing them out would be a big outch,
for Autumn would sleep on his couch!” a slightly raspy, aged voice rhymed from the group.

“Yes, Mama Midnight; that is a factor. But we are not a democracy here nor did we ever pretend to be. I say they stay so they stay! Now, for-” The leader began, but he was yet again interrupted.

“Boss, I do like these meetings, but can we please reschedule until we have more space?” The cultist in the bathroom asked carefully. “I mean… I am basically stuck in here and I don’t want to know what would happen if somepony else-“

“FINE!” the leader declared “We are officially recognized, so hold up Luna’s name in honour and we meet again next week! Could the founding members please stay a bit longer after the others are gone?”

“Erm… what about Electric Sky? Will she be alright in the pantry?”

“She will have a very long discussion with my radishes but I’ll keep an eye on her. Now out! I don’t think I feel my hooves anymore!”

The door bust open like a Champaign cork and the followers spilled out like delicious yet sticky little bubbles of sparkling wine. Only six ponies (not counting the one giggling and flailing in the pantry) remained. The leader removed the hood of his cloak, revealing the dark, grey face of a unicorn with piercing red eyes. A big patch of scared flesh reminded the world of an old acid burn he had caused himself. His mane was pitch black and slicked back making him look almost like a vampony from an old movie. There was a menace to this tall stallion. A dark authority that made the downtrodden look to him for guidance and help. His name was Autumn Galerina! He was a being of the mind. A schemer that hatched long and intricate plans for the sake of the princess of the night.

“Goodness, honey, could you please open a window? We really sweat up the place!” He asked politely while stretching his neck.

“Do I get to stay? I mean, I am not a founder AND I am a dirty traitor…” the mare in question retorted as she moved to the window, her eyes flashing menace to the pony who was still cowering from her.

“I was just saying what we were all thi-“

“Lower, don’t talk yourself into deeper troubles than you are already in! I don’t want to go knocking on the doors of the Crust family and tell them that I had to mop up whatever remained of their brightest child.” Autumn interrupted with a sigh. “And I am not going to throw you out of the house, dear… you pay the rent after all.”

“And I can give you a blowjob embargo whenever I feel like it.” The mare giggled as she opened the windows.

“As soon as we have no little fillies present, we instantly end up in the gutter…” Autumn groaned.

“Yeah, I know! It’s awesome!” one of the other followers giggled eagerly. She threw back her head, the cloak’s hood falling off. A bright, pink mane and alabaster coat were revealed together with a pair of emerald eyes and a terrifying grin. Her name was Lovestruck and she was one of the founders of the Followers. A brilliant, yet constantly broke young writer, specializing in romance and poetry. Sadly she tended to be on the saucy side of romance, which was a big no-no in Canterlot’s publishing circles and many critics simply dismissed her work as smut. The fact that she could live a humble live from her art did show though that ponies enjoyed some degree of smut.

“To be frank, I’m with the lass,
some naughtiness may come with class…” the other, cultists replied. She removed her hood as well, revealing a mane of greying white and black stripes. Though she had the almond eyes of a zebra and obvious stripes, but the shape of her face and ears outed her as a hybrid. Before her advanced age had assaulted her with wrinkles and saggy skin, she must have been a very beautiful mare. Her name was a tightly guarded secret, but she referred to herself as “Mother Midnight”, her “nom de jouer”. She was both a founding member as well as the landlady of the house they were all in.

Autumn went over to her and gave her a playful hug. “You can stop the act, Mama, the others are gone and we all know that you don’t speak a lick of real Zebra!”

“I have to keep up appearances.” The elderly mare replied while returning the hug.

“You are a follower, we all look amazing.” Autumn replied as he let go of her.

“So, what are we talking about?” Lower Crust, geologist and heir to a fortune asked, still eyeing the others carefully asked. The yellow unicorn was trying to become even smaller as the gaze of the other cultist hit him for a second and apparently hoped to hide behind his shaggy brown mane. And Lower Crust was already small for a stallion.

“Well, mostly I want to thank you all for coming back.” Autumn announced happily “I really didn’t expect you all to just show up after… you know… I completely humiliated us.”

“Heh, you were right with the Mare in the Moon being real!” the final member said. He was an incredibly fat pegasus, probably unable to lift his mass off the ground. His name was Nightingale and he made it proud with his amazing voice. He was pitch black with a magnificent white beard and mane with a single black streak. Nightingale was a great musician both with instruments and with his voice, but he suffered from incredible stage fright and only sold records of his work. He had helped writing several songs for the followers to praise Nightmare Moon. “After that I would have followed you to the ends of the earth.”

“The earth is round. We would never reach an end.” Lower added.

“Well… the journey is the goal, right?” Nightingale added quickly.

“I am very grateful for you all being with me all the way.” Autumn said with a huge smile “Now that we are officially recognized, we get this amazing plaque,-“ His horn lit up and he levitated a piece of now bent metal out from of the lectern “And we got a letter signed by Princess Luna to congratulate us for our Panache! I don’t know what exactly Panache IS but I am so happy about it!”

“It’s Prench, it’s tough to translate.” Lovestruck answered.

“Anyways, she wrote that she is very grateful that we have been cleaning up the Nightmare Moon statues during the year, especially the ones that get egged regularly. Then she says that Lovestruck and Nightingale’s *Fear Not This Night* is a song she really enjoys and finally, we get funds for regular washing of our uniforms. So we can use our fee for charity!” Autumn finished happily “And Lower, your idea about the heating plant has gone to the university. With our names on it!”

“Nothing for me?” Mother Midnight asked with a wink.

“She would mention you if we send her one of your cookies.” Lovestruck giggled “Speaking off… where is the buffet? I am hungry!”

“Don’t look at me, I was stuck on the faucet!” Nightingale answered “Erm… and Autumn, I kinda broke the knob.”

“Momma, we need a new knob.”

“Wonderful… First he turns my basement into a fungus farm and now a faucet. Can’t an old mare die in peace.” The elderly mare said, shaking her head.

“You will survive us all, Momma. Anyways, I kinda… have no buffet this time. I expected no more than four of us to show up and wanted to order pizza.” Autumn admitted with a sheepish grin.

“That’s it! We move this jig to Donut Joe’s!” Lovestruck declared loudly “I need sugar and I need it now!”

A cheer went through the ranks of the followers.

“Fine, but leave the robes here. I really want to use that royal coupon on our next wash!” Autumn said with a small sigh. He was almost instantly hit in the face with several black and purple robes. “We catch up with you after I make sure Electric Sky is ok.”

Quickly, the group pushed out the door, leaving several robes in their wake. Their leader looked after them for a moment. Slowly, a tear formed in his eye. They had all come back. They were still with him. And he was still their boss. “I am so happy…” he muttered, noticing the only other pony in the room.

“I told you that they love you.” She answered and put her robe away. She was a midnight blue pegasus, her mane and tail striped in shades of black and light blue. Her manestyle covered the right half of her face and the horrid scars her old life had left on it. Like all of Luna’s honour guards, she had been gifted with amber eyes, slitted like a cat’s and firm, leathery wings. Her name was Diamond Shadow and she was a traitor. She had been a spy in the name of Celestia ensuring that the followers were no threat to the safety of Equestria. Even when she fell in love with Autumn, she had remained loyal to the crown but ultimately, she gave in to him. This one mark on her career was enough for her to leave the secret service and ask for a transfer to the Lunar Guard. “I am surprised that I didn’t make any of them leave. He was right, you know. Phrasing aside.”

“OH, don’t spoil it for us.” Autumn said with a smile and walked over to his lover. “I won’t hold silly grudges anymore. I am a new and improved stallion! We all are! We are the Followers of the New Moon!”

“I’m not a stallion…”

“I noticed after we got the letter from the princess…” Autumn replied smugly, giving the mare a very unsubtle wink.

“Yes, that was fun… but we should have put it in an envelope so we could show it to them. Making furious love on top of it ruined the writing.” Diamond Shadow answered with a giggle. She approached the stallion slowly and with a slight sway in her hips.

“And then there was this papercut…”

“Oh, I didn’t mind helping you lick that wound…” The bat pony whispered with a sultry grin as she extended a wing and drew the stallion into a tight hug.

Autumn relaxed into the leathery feeling of the hug. Something pushed his robe aside. A weird yet familiar appendage, half as big and strong as Autumn’s leg snaked out and returned the hug. It was a tentacle, a mutation from the time he had been a student in the School for Gifted Unicorns with a scholarship in alchemy. His final experiment with a very unstable mutagen had left a permanent deformity and had him kicked out. Luckily it was coated in the same coat as the rest of Autumn and he usually managed to hide it in a scarf.

The two shared a hug that few others in Equestria would ever share.

“So… shall we join the others?” Autumn asked after a moment of tenderness.

“First we make sure that E.S. is still breathing. Then we can get some donuts.” Diamond answered before giving her lover a peck on the cheek.

“Sounds like a night our Princess would agree with!” the stallion said with a huge smile.

“Oh yes, she loves herself some donuts. Trust me, I guard her.”

Author's Note

Basically a side project for smaller stories with my OCs. This chapter can also be described as "Establishing characters: The chapter!".
Please keep in mind that I don't have an editor for this and that there is a language barrier.
Enjoy and comment.

It's Friday when I'm annoyed with everything

It was an early Friday in Canterlot. Flowers were blooming, businesses were opening, foals were marching to school and somewhere, Autumn Galerina finished his daily routine of singing to his mushrooms. Though not quite appreciated by ponies unfamiliar with the perils of mycoculture, Autumn knew that his fungi loved his rendition of “Moonlight Serenade” and grew especially yummy fruit bodies for him. It was a good day and he was looking forward to a good weekend.
A familiar “Poof” interrupted his song and Autumn let out a sigh. “You know, it would be very nice if you didn’t greet me every day with a shower of spores…” the stallion noted to the big slab of dirt and mold in front of him as he wiped a huge amount of white powder from his googles and face mask. “You are really lucky that these nice cows from out of town really want to spread those on their cheese. Now, may I have this?”
Carefully, the stallion cut off the fruit body that had just sprayed him and magically levitated it to a table nearby.
“You would be the first fruit-bodied fungus on a cheese… can you imagine?” He mused as he began to add some water to the bed. “You could revolutionize the field of edible shrooms, change pony’s perspective of cheese and maybe go down in history.” He stopped. “Or you could grow me another fruit body… I would appreciate that too. Speaking of… did you know that most ponies think that THIS is you?” He asked suddenly, pointing at the mushroom on the table. “Like, the fruit bodies are you. Hilarious, isn’t it! Your mycelium does all the work and ponies think that the thing they see is all that matters.” Autumn stopped for a moment “We are not so different, you and I… just that I am a stallion and you have up to 24 genders. Anyway, thanks for listening…” He cut the mushroom into small pieces and encased it in plastic. There were enough spores for his buyer.

As he left the moist, fungus-infested cavern that was his basement he eagerly dropped his protective gear and revealed his grey coat to the world. Oh, it was a wonderful morning! The fungi were growing, the lichen were juicy and soon his beloved would come home from work, eager for a big breakfast. And he would provide.
Autumn quickly showered and made himself presentable. The spores wouldn’t go beneath his hazmat suit but he always got sweaty. Finally, after pulling his favorite scarf around his neck, he was ready and hurried to prepare the breakfast. Diamond Shadow had spent the last 8 hours working her beautiful haunch off and Autumn would prepare a feast for her! When he finished, the table was filled with bread, butter, several things to put on it, fresh fruit, waffles, coffee, honey tea, grilled mushrooms and Autumn’s home-made chili-mango dip.

Suddenly the door flew open and the target of Autumn’s affection stood in it. Her face bore an expression best described as “KILL! EVERYTHING!”.

“My heroine! You’re home!” Autumn exclaimed happily.

“Why is the table full of stuff?” Diamond Shadow snarled and charged her coltfriend with death in her eyes. “You said that you would clean up! I go to work, you keep the house clean! That’s the deal! What is this?”

Autumn kept his smile up. “Honey, that would be your breakfast.” He offered sincerely “You had a rough night, I assume?”

Diamond Shadow snarled, shook her head and let her face fall into Autumn’s chest. “I’m sorry, love. I don’t want to let out my frustration on you! But I had such a TERRIBLE night!”

Autumn embraced the groaning mare. “Its fine my love. Have a bite to eat…”

“I don’t want to eat! I want to hurt somepony! Badly!”

“Can’t you cut the Portobello in half and pretend that they are ears you have bitten off?”

“That sounds wonderful…”

Autumn pressed a kiss onto her forehead. “See? Let’s make this a fun beginning of the weekend.”

Diamond sighed and wobbled toward the table. One off her wings was hanging through a little. Greedily, she grabbed the coffee mug and helped herself to a huge helping of the mushrooms.

“So… what happened?” Autumn asked, grabbing a piece of toast for himself.
“I had door duty!” The mare exclaimed between two bites “And while I was doing my bloody job and making sure that our all beloved ruler is safe and sound, some dunce from the nightshift maids runs up and spills a whole helping of wine on me! She was new, so I didn’t drag her to her boss! But I need new clothes, so I walk to Sub-Commander Blasted Sky and he asks me if I WAS DRUNK!”

“Outch!”

“Anyways, the fact that my whole padding was reeking and wet was enough for him but then it turns out that we don’t have a fitting padding for my armor, so I get the smaller one.” Diamond Shadow continued “And they MEAN small! I mean I keep my figure but that one had to be from a time when they used foal soldiers! So I get this piece of crap padding and it keeps bending my darn wing because they made it for feathered wings! So I get to stand in the hallway for three hours, reeking of wine and getting my wing bent! And now it aches like a bitch!”

“It doesn’t look too well…” Autumn admitted.

“I had to hold it weird to get it through the hole…”

An idea hit the stallion. “How about you eat and clean up yourself up and I prepare something for you!”

Diamond Shadow bit down on another mushroom. “Will it include sex?”

Autumn’s eyebrows rose as he left the kitchen. “Erm… I wasn’t planning on it.”

The mare stayed, looking at the closing door. “Awww!”

After she had finished her breakfast and decided to clean up the table. Sure, Autumn was proud of his role as the housekeeper but he already had to deal with her, he didn’t need to deal with her garbage as well. As she made her way to the bedroom, a soft scent of lavender assaulted her nose and her eyes went wide. The room had been darkened completely, making it much better for her unnatural eyes to see, Autumn had set up the ironing board next to the bed and was ironing several towels with what appeared to be scented water while he had also gotten the record player ready.

“Am I supposed to get scared?” Diamond asked carefully as she approached the bed.

“Well, I wanted to do some ironing anyways, so why not use that book that Coldheart gave to me.”

“That weird one about relaxation? I though she wanted YOU to relax…”

“Yes! But I had a great morning! Now lie down on your belly and spread your wings!”

The pegasus sighed and stepped onto the bed. She let herself flop down onto it and spread out her wings. The digits cracked and the muscles ached from the night. “This won’t end up with me becoming an honour-earth-pony?”

Autumn sighed and let a cloud of steam into one of the towels. “I can always make you a mutagen to give you new wings… maybe a nice pair of locust ones? Or we just strap a hot-air balloon on your back!”

“And I just fill it with the stuff our nobles let off in court all day? Yeah sounds about right…”

The stallion giggled at the response and grabbed the towel he had been making hot and wet. Gently he lifted his marefriend’s wing and wrapped the towel around it.
Diamond let out a loud groan of relief, feeling the heat and oils work into her wing. Knots in muscles, she never realized she had, began to loosen. Her instincts had allowed her to use them ever since the pain of the change had ebbed, but she had never minded how complex their anatomy must be. Right now, every single muscle was slowly getting longer and softer.

Autumn kicked the record player and the softest tunes of the royal Canterlot orchestra began filling the room.
Diamond Shadow smiled gently and cuddled into her pillow. The heat and the strong lavender scent made it incredibly easy to relax.
The stallion meanwhile began drawing soft circled on the base of her wings with his hooves, following the elbow and forearm. Even through the warm towel, he could feel the strong muscles tremble and twitch beneath the leathery skin. Even the parts that one might consider to be just skin were full of strong, firm fibers that slowly lost their knots under his massaging. He reached the digit closest to her body and followed it with his kneading until it slowly loosened up. By accident, he pressed onto an artery and felt his beloved’s heart beat against his hoof for a moment.

“Your wings are so amazing…” he muttered before continuing his treatment.

“I… oh… love them too…” the pegasus whispered back. “I go them… ah… thanks to you…”

Autumn smiled and continued back up over the membrane between the digits. It was less twitching and more pumping as he massaged over big pulsing arteries. Finally he reached the thumb and gently ran the underside of his hoof over it. “Did you nibble your claw?” he asked with a laugh.

“I was nervous when I approached Blasted Sky. I know I shouldn’t…”

“I’ll file it for you later.”

“I can file my own claw-AH! That was good!”

The stallion let out a giggle and continued over the longest two digits. He felt the towel cooling and pulled it off getting a new, hot one to finish his work on this wing.
Diamond Shadow moaned loudly as he rubbed over the space in between the claw and the longest digit. The area was especially sensitive. It helped the pegasus to feel the currents of the wind. Right now, she felt only warmth and two loving hooves setting her tortured muscles straight. She slowly lost herself in a haze of gentleness and soft music. So much that even the bed sheets began to melt away.
Autumn meanwhile finished his work and put a dry towel onto the wing, so the warmth would stay in longer. He quickly heated up another one and began the same slow procedure on the other side. “It’s great that you have these now… imagine how badly your feathers would have poofed up.”

“They are easier to maintain. Just the way I like it.”

The stallion wrapped the towel around the wing and was greeted with another sigh of relief from his lover. He repeated the rubbing and massaging to a cacophony of joy, accompanied by the delightful sound of Octavia Melody’s string and the relaxing scent of lavender.

As he finished his work on the tip of the wing, he looked over to his completely calm and relaxed marefriend resting on her belly. A big smile crept onto his lips and he leaned in to give her a quick peck on the cheek.

“Rest well, my lo-“

He was interrupted as a strong hoof grabbed his scarf and pulled him closer.

“Are you gonna buck me now or what?” Diamond Shadow asked, a grin on her face that revealed her sharp canines and made her look almost ravenous.

“Erm… I didn’t think you were in the mood after this.” Autumn admitted “I mean… I wanted to help you relax.”

“How can you be so good with mares without having any idea how we work?” The pegasus groaned and pulled the stallion into a deep kiss.

Autumn surrendered happily. He didn’t expect the weekend to start this good!

Author's Note

Justifying the "Slice of Life" part of the story.
Mostly I wanted to satisfy my fascination with abnormal and strange anatomy and DS's wings are very intriguing. So yeah, two ponies having a nice morning.
Comment if you want to.

Them Nuts

The pressure increased slowly and viciously. Iron Fangs dug closed in. The tips unerring and without mercy. Finally, the structure gave in!

*CRACK*

Autumn smiled and took another walnut out of his nut-dragon. It was winter in Canterlot and soon he would have enough nuts cracked to bake his special walnut cookies. This year, he would beat Mother Midnight's vanilla circles and if it was the last thing he did! These cookies would be good enough to make even Princess Luna's royal mouth run with regal and royal drool! He was sure of it!
So he grabbed another walnut with his magical grasp and levitated it into the steely mough of his dragon. An adorable construction that looked like a dragon that was prone on his belly. It was made of wood with the exception of his teeth and one of his wings was a lever that could open and close the jaw. The tail could be pulled out to reveal a corkscrew and there was a bottle opener in the other wing. It had been a really nice gift from the other followers and Autumn found himself buying walnuts a lot more ever since he obtained it.

*CRACK*

"AUTUMN!" Sounded the angelic voice of his beloved and seconds later, the door was smashed open.

The stallion looked up at his very excited marefriend, who still had a towel wrapped around her head. "Yes?" he asked carefully, pretty sure that he was mostly innocent at the time. Whatever the deal was.

"Do you know what this is?" Diamond Shadow asked aggressively and pointed at something very particular.

Autumn took a very close and careful look.Then he looked some more. After another close inspection, he decided to answer. "That would be... YOU. You are pointing at yourself."

Diamond Shadow's eyes narrowed. "And what am I pointing at in particular?"

The stallion took another careful look. Taking the spot in very carefully and curiously. Making sure everything was exactly as it was supposed to be. "That's your haunch!" he said happily, a bit of a grin appearing on his face. "Can I look some more?"

"So you like THAT?"

Autumn blinked. "What's not to like! It's an amazing rump! I'd take it home every day and night if it didn't live here." he looked around for a moment. "Can I touch it?"

"NO!" Diamond Shadow growled "It's all wrong!"

"What?"

"I just got off the scales! I gained WEIGHT!"

The stallion tilted his head to the side. "So? I remember a few months ago when you were happy you gained a few pounds. You showed off for the whole evening."

"Yes, because that was MUSCLE!" Diamond Shadow explained quickly "That was pure strength! This... this is not! This is WEIGHT! Ballast! FAT!" She slapped her rear, making Autumn bite the inside of his cheek. Luna, those were some nice, spankable flanks! "This is not what I want!" She glowered at him. "And it's all your fault!"

"What? How is it my fault that your work of standing around and guarding the princess gained you a few kilos?" Autumn asked in shock.

"Because of what you feed me! All these warm meals and home cooking and that wonderful chili-mango dip that goes so well with the-" Diamond Shadow interrupted herself as her mouth began to water. "All that food is making me soft!"

"Soft?" Autumn deadpanned.

"Yes! Soft! Weak! Fragile!"

"Love... you are not... soft. Trust me! I have touched you... I touch you a lot. You are as buff as any mare has the right to be."

"The scales speak differently and so does all that cushion here!"

"Ok, that's it!" Autumn groaned and grabbed one of the walnuts with his magic.

"Autumn, what are you doing with that nut?" Diamond Shadow demaned to know as the nut floated past her.

"Just testing something..."

"Hey, where do you thing you are-"

"Flex!"

"What?"

"Flex them."

*CRACK*

"Indeed this is softness... Took you all of half a second to obliterate a walnut." Autumn commented and let out a sigh.

"But..." Diamond Shadow tried to conter, face flushed with embarassment.

"Honey, do you want to know a secret?" Autumn asked calmly.

"What?"

"You have gained weight. And I am happy that you did."

"You want me to gain weight?"

"I will be honest with you, love. You looked terrible when we met."

"What? But you said I was beautiful!" Diamond Shadow asked in honest confusion. Autumn never lied to her.

"Yes... you were and are beautiful. But you looked terrible! You were thin and wiry and meager looking. You didn't eat right! You didn't take care of yourself!" the stallion explained. "Love, It was like hugging a sack full of coat hangers."

"That bad?"

"It was my sack of coat hangers and I love you... but I was worried that you had some eating disorder." Autumn admitted. "But... you just-"

"I didn't care. I ate because I had to and never put any thought into what I ate." Diamond Shadow concluded.

The stallion stepped closer and put his foreleg around the mare, holding her close. "And now I take care of that and you can focus on your tasks as usual. But you have some support from home."

The pegasus leaned into the embrace and let out a sigh. "But I don't want to look soft... I want to look dangerous... I am a guard. Ponies should think twice before-"

"I think the bat wings, the fangs and the legs will make them think twice." Autumn interfered. "I mean... you can still bench-press me in full armour, right?"

"You are right... sorry that I freaked out." Diamond Shadow sighed and pushed a small peck on his cheek.

"I freak out about much dumber things. So we are good."

"Like when you swore eternal vengeance on Mother Midnight for her cookies being good?"

"Oh, she will fall! These cookies that I am baking are going to destroy her!" Autumn announced proudly with a hint of manic glee in his eyes.

Diamond Shadow sighed and smiled. "You do that... I will take another shower. I have walnut shells digging into my bum. They kinda hurt."

"Want me to-"

"No, you can enjoy your accomplishments later."

Autumn looked after his marefriend as she left the room. Then his gaze went lower towards the broken nut on the floor. The gears in his head turned for a while before he sighed, grabbed it with his magic and floated it into the dustbin. "Would have been such dick move to put THAT one into the batter..." he muttered before fetching a new one to crack.

Author's Note

I have had a conversation like this before. Just with a slightly different test.
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