The Benefits of Diplomacy
"Almost got it..." Shining Armour bit his lip and narrowed his eyes as he concentrated on fastening the final button on his shirt, stretched tight over his 350-pound frame. Grunting, he sucked in his stomach as much as he could and redoubled his efforts, willing the button to just go through, already.
Finally, mercifully, the button cooperated and went through the hole. Now for the real test. Feeling a hint of apprehension, Shining slowly exhaled, allowing his belly to gradually swell back up to its normal proud, flabby state as he felt it press up against his shirt. To his relief, it held. He wouldn't have to go running to the royal tailors for any last-minute alterations... not yet, anyway.
A smile crossed Shining's chubby-cheeked face as he checked himself out in the mirror. Even with all the extra padding, he looked as dapper in that shirt as he had on his wedding day.
"Looking good, Shining," he told himself. "Looking good."
"You always do, honey." Shining turned around at the sound of his wife's voice to find Princess Cadance standing behind him. She, too, had made a great effort to make herself look presentable. She wore no fancy garb like her husband, but her mane and coat shone in a way that could only be achieved through a significant amount of thorough scrubbing.
"So do you, sweetheart." Shining stepped over to Cadance and gave her a peck on the cheek. "When the Strussian president sees you, he's gonna be blown away."
"You're sure looking forward to this meeting, aren't you?" Cadance asked.
Shining nodded. "Of course! Why wouldn't I? The opportunity to form a trade agreement between the Crystal Empire and Strussia is an incredible one. I'm looking forward to making new allies, building new bridges."
Cadance poked Shining's belly and smirked. "And the ceremonial dinner."
Shining blushed slightly and laughed. "And, admittedly, the ceremonial dinner."
"It's just a shame Flash can't be with us," Cadance said. "He's coming along so well in his weight gain."
Shining shrugged apologetically. "What can I say?" he said. "When foreign dignitaries are visiting, you can't afford to spare any security."
"My lieges?" Shining and Cadance turned to see a middle-aged mare standing in the bedroom doorway. "The Strussian president and his entourage will arrive momentarily," she said, bowing respectfully.
"Thank you, Spreadsheet," Cadance replied, before turning to Shining. "Shall we?"
Shining smiled. "Let's go make some new friends."
Ceremonial trumpets blared as Shining and Cadance stood in the great hall of the palace, ready to greet the stallion who would hopefully be a new ally for them.
"Announcing our esteemed guest, President Otvaga of Strussia!" a voice cried out. The large doors leading to the hall were thrown open by two crystal guards.
The first ponies to come through the doors were two grizzled-looking mares, dressed in simple leather armour with round fur hats. Shining recognised the hats as ushankas—he owned a couple of them himself. Following the two mares, flanked by three more guards, was a dark grey, bearded stallion with steel-coloured eyes, his charcoal mane and tail perfectly groomed. He was powerfully built, weighing in at 270 pounds worth of muscle. His biceps bulged as he walked.
"President Otvaga," Cadance said respectfully, extending a hoof for him to shake. "An honour to finally meet you."
Otvaga gave her a warm smile as he took hold of her hoof. "The pleasure is all mine, Your Highness," he said.
Sweet Celestia! Shining thought. If Otvaga's voice had any more bass to it, it would probably have brought the palace crashing down around them.
"And you," Otvaga continued, smiling widely as he took a firm grasp of Shining's hoof. "You must be Shining Armour. I have heard many great things about your courage and prowess in battle. Was it not you who fought off the changelings and King Sombra?"
Shining smiled as he felt his ego getting stroked. "Well, I had a lot of help for both of those," he said modestly. "Pleased to meet you too, Mr. President."
Otvaga let out a hearty laugh. "As am I," he said, before grinning as he pointed at Shining's belly. "I can tell you enjoy the benefits of a country as rich in agriculture and good food as Strussia is, no?"
Shining laughed alongside him. "Got that right!" he said. He was starting to like Otvaga already. "So, if Strussia is so rich in food already, why bother setting up trade with other countries?"
Otvaga frowned and sighed. "I am not a popular stallion in Strussia, I'm afraid. The ponies there see me as too old-fashioned, stuck in my ways, reluctant to make new friends. So, I prove them wrong, eh? Set up trade between Crystal Empire and Strussia, hopefully win back the hearts and minds of the ponies."
"Well, we're honoured that you would choose us," Cadance said, smiling cordially. "We can begin the negotiations whenever you're ready, Mr. President."
"Well, I'm ready now," Otvaga beamed. "Come! We have much to discuss."
The negotiations had gone on for just over an hour, and everypony was feeling pretty hungry when they concluded. But at the same time, they were in a jovial mood. As they had all hoped, they had managed to hammer out a trade negotiation—Crystallian barley and apples in exchange for Strussian coal and steel.
"Well, President Otvaga," Shining said cheerfully, as they walked to the dining room, "it looks like this is the beginning of a strong alliance."
Otvaga smiled in return. "Spasibo. Thank you, Prince Armour. It has been too long since my country looked to make friends beyond our own borders."
"I hope you're ready for a feast," Shining continued, winking. "Crystallian chefs are among the finest in the world." He laughed and patted his belly. "I should know."
"Is that so?" Otvaga grinned. "All the more reason to make friends, then!"
The dining room doors were opened to reveal a table positively groaning with food. Fruits, vegetables, bales of hay and oats had all been artfully arranged, with three places set side by side for the three dignitaries.
"Shall we?" Cadance asked. As she gestured to the table, she gave her husband a knowing smile. It was a smile that said, I suppose you're going to pig out like you always do?
Shining responded by grinning and licking his lips. You know me so well. He took his seat in between Otvaga and Cadance, mouth watering as he took in the sight of all the food. A plate piled high with his favourite oats and veggies was set before him by an attentive waiter.
"Well," Cadance said happily, raising a glass filled with cider from the royal preserve. "To new allies!"
"To new allies!" Shining echoed.
"Ura!" Otvaga cheered, and with that, the meal began.
Ravenously hungry after the negotiating, Shining wasted no time in tearing into his meal. His eyes squeezed shut and he moaned appreciatively as the smoky, barbecue flavour of fried oats caressed his taste buds. Gods, but the palace chefs never ceased to amaze him. Beside him, Otvaga seemed to be thinking the same thing.
"Excellent!" he grinned. "With food this hearty, we must take care we do not cause an obesity epidemic in Strussia, eh?" He laughed at his own joke.
Cadance giggled alongside him. "If there's one thing the crystal ponies do well, it's food. Just ask my husband."
"Darn straight," Shining agreed, grinning at them both before turning back to his meal.
Before he knew it, the oats and veggies before him had been devoured. Huffing in disappointment, he looked around for anything else he could sink his teeth into, before his eyes fell upon a tray piled high with potatoes. Soon, his own plate was piled just as high, and he was enjoying his second course just as much as the first.
Beside him, Otvaga raised an eyebrow. "Your husband has quite the appetite, no?" he said in a low voice to Cadance.
Cadance chuckled. "Mr. President, that would be the understatement of the millennium."
As they talked, Shining continued to gorge his way to Nirvana. Having polished off the potatoes, he moved on to a large tureen of soup. Pouring himself a generous helping, he began gulping it down in mouthfuls as large as decency would allow. He sighed with pleasure as he felt the hot liquid flow into his stomach, mixing with the starchy weight of the potatoes to produce a very agreeable feeling of warm fullness.
Once the soup had fallen, Shining's next target was a childhood favourite—cheesy hay fries. Grinning in anticipation, he grabbed a tray of them and began to wolf them down, the tangy flavour of the cheese melding perfectly with the crispy, slightly burnt texture of the hay fries. True, they were a little overcooked, but Shining wasn't going to let that stop him. As he ate, his stomach clamoured for more, even as it grew ever fuller and tighter. By now, even Otvaga's normally stoic guardsmares were beginning to let their surprise show on their faces, whispering amongst themselves as they watched Shining continue to glut himself.
As the pile of food in front of him continued to decrease in size, Shining's belly began to press tighter and tighter against his already strained shirt buttons. It wasn't long before little ovals of white belly fur could be seen poking out from between the buttons. Pushing his plate away, Shining covered up his mouth and suppressed a contented belch.
"Ah, excuse me," he said, patting his belly as it gurgled in satisfaction, working hard to digest his feast. "Negotiating tends to build up quite an appetite, you know?"
"Well, the president and I are both finished," Cadance said. "Shall we bring out dessert? Is ice cream cake okay for you, Otvaga?"
"Ah..." Otvaga blinked a couple of times. "Yes, yes, that will be fine."
"Perfect," Shining said. He raised his hooves and clopped them together twice, and the kitchen doors immediately opened. Two ponies in chef's whites pushed a cart carrying three plates of ice cream cake towards the table, setting them down before the diners before bowing and departing.
"Surely he cannot have room for more?" Otvaga whispered to Cadance.
Cadance smiled. "Just watch."
Sure enough, Shining was already a quarter of the way through his own cake, murmuring happily as the cake crumbled between his teeth and the sweet cream melted on his tongue. Before long, there was only a single bite left, with which Shining would cap off his meal. He raised it to his mouth, inserted it, chewed and swallowed...
Finally, Shining's tortured shirt buttons could take no more. With a quick pop-pop-pop!, three of them popped off and scudded along the wooden table, allowing Shining's big, overfed tummy to hang out in all its glory.
Otvaga's jaw dropped. Cadance raised a hoof to her mouth to try and stop herself from laughing. Behind them, one of Otvaga's guards blushed deeply and looked considerably flustered.
Shining, on the other hoof, bore an expression of utter satisfaction, with closed eyes and a lazy smile. He slowly opened them to face his guest.
"As you can see, President Otvaga," he said, "Crystallian food is pretty much irresistible."
"Yes... yes, so I see," Otvaga replied, nodding as he regained some of his composure. "Perhaps we can negotiate some deals for exchanging food in the future. In fact..." He smiled. "I would be honoured if you were to come to Strussia with me at some point, as a gesture of goodwill. You have not lived until you try good old-fashioned Strussian cuisine!"
Shining chuckled. "I just might take you up on that."
END
