What Teacup Does To Get Her Hayburger

by PinkBelle

Rating: everyone
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Random, Princess Celestia, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other
Length: 1139

When Teacup woke up this morning, there was only one thing she wanted to do that day: get a hayburger at all costs.

When Teacup woke up this morning, there was only one thing she wanted to do today: get a hayburger at all costs, or die trying.

Published 2016-03-21 04:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2016-03-21 04:00:02 UTC

Chapter 1

Teacup was usually a genial pony. She wasn't as exuberant as the pink party planner known as Pinkie Pie, or as quiet as Fluttershy. She preferred to think that on most days, she was a friendly mare who could hold a decent conversation. But one day in the magical land of Equestria, she was beginning to doubt her claims.

The day was bright and cloud-free. The birds were singing. Ponies in the town of Ponyville laughed and chattered amongst themselves, content and at peace. Teacup was neither laughing, singing or chattering as she glared down the frightened stallion with such a look on her face that the moustache on his face withered in fear.

Then the peaceful morning was broken as a shout boomed through the town with an intensity that could match Luna's Royal Canterlot Voice. Teacup slammed a hoof down on the floor of Burger Stallion, uncaring of the attention she was garnering.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU RAN OUT OF STOCK?" she yelled in his face.

"Ma'am, please calm your-" the stallion pleaded, only for Teacup's Rage-O-Meter to rack up another ten points.

"DO NOT TELL ME TO CALM DOWN!" she screamed, getting more hysterical with every image her mind presented her. No more special hayburger, no more stock, no more, no more! She turned and galloped out through the conveniently open door. She imagined everypony with Burger Stallion's Hayburger special, munching and chewing on the delicious lettuce and...and...

Unable to bear the thought of not being able to satisfy her craving, Teacup sat down on the ground and began to tear up.

"Hey Teacup," the familiar voice of Twilight Sparkle greeted her. "What's wrong?"

The mare's shadow fell over her, and Teacup looked up to see Princess Twilight Sparkle standing almost above her, her purple wings tucked to her side and her horn glowing as she held aloft an object with her magic. Somehow, in Teacup's frenzied run, she had ended up at the foot of Twilight's enormous castle. She couldn't help but take a moment to admire the crystal spires soaring high into the sky and the sun reflecting off the glistening glass.

Teacup almost got up to be a bit taller, though she knew she would never be able to reach Twilight's height, and at least regain some dignity, when she noticed exactly what the object carried by Twilight's horn was, and froze.

"Teacup? Teacup." Twilight was saying, but her voice was drowned out by the blood roaring in Teacup's ears.

Twilight was holding a Burger Stallion Hayburger Special.

How did she not notice before? Must have been the sun, Teacup reasoned.

All manner of manners were forsaken when Teacup lunged for the burger. Her hooves extended, the hayburger reflected in her blue eyes and body coiling, she grabbed the burger. Twilight looked startled for a brief second, clearly not anticipating the attack upon her food, before realization dawned upon her.

"Teacup! Give it back!" she ordered, her horn pulsing as she attempted to form magic, failed in her anger, and tried again. She was reduced to playing tag with Teacup for a while. Teacup tried, she really did, but she was an earth pony, and earth ponies just weren't as capable as furious unicorn librarians when the fate of their meal was as stake. Twilight finally managed to spark her horn into telekinetically grabbing the hayburger. In that split-second, Twilight and Teacup's eyes met. Teacup glimpsed the desperation in Twilight's eyes, and an idea sprang into her mind. It was so strange, and so extraordinary that she knew Twilight would never expect her to go for it.

Teacup stuck out her tongue, wrapped the meaty flesh around the burger, and pulled it into her mouth. And if a certain god of chaos had lent her some measure of power to stretch her tongue further than it actually should, well, it's none of your business. The most important thing is that she got the burger into her mouth somehow (again, it's none of your business) and swallowed it whole. Her throat bulged comically as Twilight let go of the burger in disgust and surprise and let it slide down into her belly.

"How...why..." Twilight Sparkle spluttered, unable to comprehend the fact her hayburger was gone, until, inexplicably, she did.

"You!" Twilight pointed a hoof at the other mare, as though it would make everything clearer. "My burger!"

Teacup was sitting on the ground, rubbing her stomach. The sight was not appealing to Twilight in the least. Her burger! Her precious, precious hayburger! The-the pony had stolen her-

-BURGER! The rational part of her mind that wanted to smack Teacup over the head was drowned out by the part that wanted to exact a more...severe punishment.

Twilight Sparkle's eyes flashed, and she seemed to loom even higher over Teacup. Somewhere, lightning cracked ominously in the distance.

Teacup burped.

Twilight screamed in anger, a long, shrill cry that made ponies slam their windows shut in terror only to have the glass frames shatter. Her horn began to glow a brilliant white. Her eyes opened, shining pale.

There was a strobe of light that made all eyewitnesses to that event turn away with stinging eyes, and when it dissipated, Teacup was nowhere to be seen.

The sole pony left brushed her hooves off in a nonchalant manner, and walked back into her castle, muttering "Good riddance. Nopony steals my hayburger and eats it." under her breath.

In Canterlot, the ruler of all of Equestria, Princess Celestia was prepared to start eating her breakfast, a greasy hayburger which she knew the royal court would never, ever touch when something compelled her to trot to her balcony and pull up the moon briefly. The once clear grey surface was now pitted with darker scars.

The scars formed a pattern of an earth mare.

Author's Note

"You know, my faithful student," Celestia said, walking side-by-side Twilight. "I'm so glad you'd finally grown up!"

Twilight stared at Celestia, baffled. "Princess?"

Celestia clapped her hooves together. "You can finally join the club!"

Twilight's eyebrows hit the ceiling. "Club?" she echoed.

"Why, of course." Celestia pulled Twilight in for a close hug. "The entry requirement is that you have to send someone to a celestial body. Cadance is still working on that."

Twilight blinked. "What about Luna?" she asked.

"Oh, she already sent me to the sun before you and your friends intervened and changed Nightmare Moon into Princess Luna." Celestia confided. "That's why I didn't come to your rescue. That and I had faith in you."

Twilight's head spun with this new turn of events. Nightmare Moon banished Princess Celestia? Princess Celestia had a club? Cadance hadn't sent anyone to the moon yet?

The last thing she saw was the surprised face of her mentor.