The Raffle

by CakeEmperor

Chapters

Horse Politics
A Heart-Warming Welcome
Choosing Sides
Jack Loses It
Negotiations
The Cake War

Horse Politics

Author's Note

Start at 0:45 for epic feels

Horse Politics

Classified

CONFIDENTIAL

February 10, 2250.
Russian scientists have found a planet in the Milky Way, very similar to Earth, and it has been named Loshad' Zemli. China, The Republic of America and Russia, sent rovers and humans to explore the planet. The planet is found to be fully inhabited with intelligent creatures as ourselves; being sapient beings, yet also resembling the forms of the mythical creatures, known as 'griffons'.

In court, is has been decided to use the new sapient species, as an excuse for war. This would create a global war economy, and allow for more control over the economy.Obeying orders, a group of Russian and American soldiers opened fire amongst the griffons. As a result, 30 griffons were severely injured, and 16 KIA. The soldiers were captured and then imprisoned. A rescue team was sent to claim them. We have told the media that they have attacked first.

Because of the attack, political tensions have increased. The griffons were much more powerful than any of us had thought them to be. Ships have been known to fall from the skies whenever they near griffon territory.

A silent war has now been declared against the griffons of Loshad' Zemli. A war economy is now in motion.

April 11, 2250

The silent war lasted two months, before the griffons decided to take a more diplomatic approach. As a result, they and their equine allies have sent a chosen delegate, who attempted to create a peace treaty.

Today, the treaty was signed, and the alien world has been renamed 'Equus'. It is now illegal for anyone to visit either world. If the law is not observed, it will be considered treason.

January 2, 2253

Earth has already been experiencing a deteriorating economy for centuries, however, it has finally collapsed. Fighting the griffons has created a temporary wartime economy. However, since the treaty has been signed, the wartime economy now ceases to exist.

Because of the effects of the wartime economy, poverty and unemployment rates have increased significantly. Global Martial Law been put into action, to try to contain the riots, gangs and otherwise hostile personnel. It has not worked. Now, there are several 'red-zones' throughout Earth. No military or police personnel is permitted to enter such zones.

A meeting was held with the leaders of Equus, to discuss the financial weight of Earth. Equus admits that it's relationship with Earth is uncertain. Therefore, Equus proclaimed that it would like to look into Earth's societies, before any further communication.

In order to accomplish this goal, the leaders have declared an annual event, which would allow Equus to view humanity within its own borders. The event was named, 'The Raffle'. Every year, one participant within the 'Raffle', would be chosen to be sent to Equus. A different country within Earth would be selected, per Raffle. This would allow Equus's leaders to view humanity, and learn more about our cultures.

If successful, the Raffles would finally result in a stable relationship between Earth and Equus. Then, Equus would proceed to help stabilize our economy by opening a trade market, and provide us with the extra fire power necessary to restore order to Earth.

Only time can tell what will happen.

"Dude! She's a horse! Why would you like her like that?!"

"Duh... she's an 'alien' horse! Wouldn't you want to be with an alien?"

"Yeah Jack... wouldn't you want to be with a big, mean, alien like me?"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP!

"Ughhhh..." I moaned, trying to block out the sound with my pillow, the weird dream still engraved within my brain.

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP!

However, the most annoying sound in the world just amplified, slowly becoming louder and louder...

"ALRIGHT! I'M UP!" I shouted, slamming the snooze button five times, nearly breaking the poor machine.

However, instead of doing anything, I just sat there, trying to adjust to the horrible beaming light. Slowly, my eyes opened, adjusting to what seemed like the sun trying to kill me with the amount of brightness that flooded the room.

I yawned before getting up, throwing on my suit and techni-bracelet, doing what one would generally do in the bathroom, and then finally making my way towards the kitchen.

As I approached the kitchen, a robotic voice suddenly shouted at me from nowhere, nearly giving me a heart-attack, "Hello, Mr. Harrison! Would you like to hear the News this morning?"

I rubbed my forehead, before snapping my stare over to where the sound came from. When I did, I found the T.V from across my apartment, literally looking back at me. It had it's own digital face, with lifeless eyes, and a weird metallic voice. The thing was creepy! I always hated AIs.

"I thought I turned you off!"

"You have sir. However, your roommate has turned me back on. Would you like me to turn off?"

I stood there for a minute. On one hand, I wanted to turn the thing off. On the other hand, I actually did want to watch the News, but was too lazy to reach the remote. After some important consideration, I decided upon the latter.

"Alright, here's the deal: You get to stay on my T.V, however, you have to turn the News on for me in return. Then, I'm going to shut you off again."

It was then, that I heard the News suddenly blink on. I sighed in relief, and continued my walk to the kitchen as the News played, "The Equestrians are now are holding a raffle to increase capital within our world. One lucky winner, will get the chan-"

However, I didn't have time to listen to it for long. I began ignoring the T.V, and started pouring cereal instead. Once the oats were nearly filled to the brim, I shuffled my way towards my old, rugged couch, trying my hardest to keep the cereal from spilling over. When I was finally there, I allowed myself to plop down onto the sofa and sighed in satisfaction.

In the side of my eye, I spotted my roommate sitting next to me, on the couch.

I yawned, before grasping my spoon and greeting him, "Morning dude."

...

Confused, I glanced over to find him drooling, asleep from playing video-games all night. Weird thing was, he still was holding the controller.

Beep! Beep! Beep!

A smaller alarm began beeping from my watch, signaling that I had to leave, "Later dude.". With that, I quickly got up, and accidentally spilled cereal all over my suit.

Not having enough time to change, I groaned and poured the rest of it into the sink, before finally heading out of the door.

6:15 A.M

"Man! I overheard you talking about DJing the other day. You were a DJ? Why didn't you just keep that job? The office-life sucks."

Believe it or not, I was talking to my boss. You see, his father died a few years ago, leaving his son the entire business. So, he never took anything seriously, which can be both good and bad."

"I would be a DJ again, but the government doesn't consider it to be a 'real job' anymore" I said while giving him a droopy smile, still tired.

My boss then gave me that stare...

"Jack... You are the hardest working person here. I mean, look at you, you work so hard that you forgot that you have a massive milk stain on your suit, and you don't even care!"

WHAT!?

I flung my head down, and spotted the milk I spilled from earlier. I jumped, before immediately unbuttoning it, and throwing it onto the floor.

Luckily, I still had an under-shirt on, but that didn't stop the little part of me that just died, for realizing that I just walked around the entire city, with a ginormous, white puddle, attached to my chest.

My boss turned his face over to me and gave me that, 'I told you so' smirk, making me sigh. Sadly, he wasn't done speaking. He put on his God-Father voice and shook his finger at me, "You... you're good. You're good." Soon, his voice faded back to normal, "But, look, you need a vacation... go to Florida or some place, I don't really care. You're starting to make me depressed."

Knowing that it would be an un-paid vacation, my eyes bolted open, "It's OK man, I'm-"

He interrupted me, "First of all, don't talk to me like that, I'm your boss. Second of all, I'm not asking. I'll see you in a month."

7:00 A.M

"Life sucks, so what...

Will it ever change??"~ ssshrh

"Baby, I'm sorry, please don't go"~ sssshr

"I. Am. Black and blue; beating myself up because of you!"~click

That was it, I just turned the radio off because literally every song was depressing.

It didn't matter anyway, since I already arrived at my place. I noticed that some plants were knocked over near my apartment's door, but, I payed no mind, it was probably the wind.

Luckily, I only had two keys. One was for my car, and the other was for the door, so, it took me two seconds to find the right one. When I did, I pushed it into the key-hole and it immediately pushed the door open. I didn't even unlock it yet!

Putting two and two together, I realized someone probably robbed the place, so I cautiously entered to see the damage. As I did, I found the place to still be clean, well, at least what me and my roommate considered to be 'clean'. I happily sighed in relief and assumed that Ryan just forgot to lock the door. Yawning for the final time, I lazily plopped down onto my couch, threw off my shoes, and flung my keys onto the coffee table.

Smiling, I began to drift off into another dreamless sleep...

"Crash!"

A moment passed until I jumped. I cursed at my bad-reflexes before scanning my surroundings, looking for something to defend myself with. Eventually, my eyes landed upon a pillow. I quickly tore it from it's original place, and held it up as a shield. Extremely scared, I tried speaking in a really deep, and intimidating voice, "Yo! Who in muh house?!"

... No Answer.

My breathing quickened as I stalked around the corner with the pillow, trying to find what was now making metallic clinging noises. In the corner of my eye, I found what looked to be a pink horse-leg, laying on the floor. Now confused, I swiveled around the corner to find an enormous, pink, plastic horse on the floor and my roommate rummaging through the cabinets.

"Ryan, what are you doing?" I asked, annoyed.

My friend looked up to me and gave me a determined grin, "Jack, do you know what day it is?"

I didn't answer him. Instead, I just stared at him, with a blank expression on my face.

He rolled his eyes, "Seriously? Jack, today is the official Raffle day! I bought two tickets, so that means you're going."

"Seriously? Let me see that."

Ryan's smirk grew tenfold, as he handed over one of the tickets.

The ticket was made of paper... but it was still a shiny chrome. There was also some Equestrian Unicorn printed into one corner, and the official Equestrian flag on the other. In the middle, was some ridiculous number, loaded with random letters and numbers. Obviously, it would be impossible to win, but the ticket was still cool, and the Raffle would be even cooler.

"That's amazing. We get to see actual, living ponies too, right?" I asked, as curiosity started to take over.

"Not only that... Jack, we get to see Princess Celestia"

When he said that, realization took over, and the dream I had from last night, began to replay in my mind. I didn't actually want to win. I just wanted to go, to see the winner, and the aliens. What if I won though? I would have to spend an entire year in some alien planet.

I fumbled with the ticket for a while, "Ryan, I don't think I should enter the Raffle. I would rather stay on Earth."

Suddenly, a loud and blatant laugh was made by my roommate, "Seriously? You're not going to win, trust me. There's literally like a billion people who entered the Raffle. There's no way you'll win."

"Yeah... true. I'm going for the horses, right?"

"For the horses." He smirked.

5:00 P.M

"So, what even is the raffle prize? You get to make out with the princess?"

Ryan started to laugh, maniacally, obviously bored to tears. We were both waiting in line, along with the fake horse that Ryan continued to drag along. Millions of other people were surrounding us, all waiting to get their seats for the global event. Men and women were camping on the outside of the line, while the police drones struggled to keep the massive groups of people under control.

However, I luckily had a DJ app on my bracelet to keep me entertained. I smirked before popping up the familiar blue hologram on my arm, and started mixing two completely different songs together.

My friend watched me mess around on the hologram, before joking, "No... but I bet you'd want to."

Rolling my eyes, I punched him in the shoulder, "That's gross. What are you even going to do with that plastic horse?"

His smirk grew like a madman, scaring me slightly. He continued, "You'll see... it's gonna be awesome."

...

We stood in line some more, waiting, until I felt something cold, metallic and powerful grab my should my shoulder, nearly breaking it. I cried out before turning to see what was attacking me.

When I did, I found a security drone, with glowing, lifeless red eyes and a machine gun strapped to it's side.

Nobody liked them, but they were supposedly made to end 'Police Brutality'.

It suddenly began clicking, before speaking to me in the creepy robotic voice that I hated so much, "Under the orders of Name Disclosed, you are to be escorted to Location Disclosed."

I just stared at the drone dumbly, before responding, "What are y- Oohmph!"

A jab suddenly impaled my side, forcing me to crouch in pain. The same police drone began chirping again, "Resistance acknowledged; Inserting sleeping serum." On cue, I felt a light sting in my neck, which instantly made me drowsy.

I could hear the shouts of other people, and the sound of metal against bone, before I finally passed out.

Slowly, I woke up. I automatically felt the feeling as if time was missing. I realized that I've been knocked out by the robot.

My head immediately started swelling with pain and annoyance, but was interrupted by a strange incense. Actually, it smelled like tea leaves and smoke.

I weakly lifted my head to find a white horse looking at me, dipping her head with guilt, "I didn't know your government would do that to you, I'm terribly sorry."

My eyes suddenly snapped wide-open.

She's a horse! She's one of those Equestrian aliens!

Not able to do anything, I just stared at her, frozen in shock.

The pony frowned, then started tapping me with her hoof, "Human. Human, did they break you?"

Alright... come on Jack. You have to look good for humanity!

I shot up from the cushion I was on, and shouted, "You're the legendary horse! You- you're Princess Celestia!"

She looked confused, "Yes, I am indeed. Why are you shocked? Oh... may I see your ticket?"

Why does she want to see my ticket? I didn't win. I probably just have a faulty ticket or something. I thought to myself, before casually handing it over. When I did, the ticket was immediately engulfed in a golden aura, prompting me to jump from surprise. Afterwards, I gawked at the ticket, and watched it float over to the princess's face so she could read it better.

Haha! Ok, so she can levitate things with her mind too! Perfectly normal! Haha, aliens are amazing!

I just smiled at her like an idiot. Internally, I was having a mental-breakdown. I couldn't let her know that though.

A moment passed, before I started to gradually calm down. In the meantime, I discreetly drifted my eyes over her wings, then to her horn and then to her hooves before finally redirecting my eyes back to her eyes.

After a moment, she was done examining the ticket, and turned her gaze back to me.

I coughed, "My friend bought it for me. I just really wanted to see a real pony, and... wow Ryan is going to be jealous."

She giggled, before levitating the ticket down to talk to me, "Indeed, I also felt the same when I met my first human. How do you feel, knowing that you are the winner of the Raffle?"

"I didn't win, I'm just a normal guy." I said, almost a bit too forcefully. I was getting scared, and the princess's reaction did not help.

"You have the winning ticket though."

My entire heart stopped at that moment.

In fact, I felt like the tent's walls were closing on me. My vision was also starting to get cloudy, and my breathing began to be incredibly difficult to control.

I needed to leave.

I ignored the princess's worried look, and abruptly stood up before speaking, "Oh! Actually, I love Earth! I didn't even want to win... I just wanted to see the ponies from the distance with my friend Ryan! I never won anything before, so I didn't think I would win this!"

I nervously began walking away from the confused princess, all while having a wide and nervous grin plastered onto my face, "It was nice meeting you! But, I think I'm just going to go home now, goodbye."

"STOP!" Out of nowhere, a booming, masculine voice bellowed across the room.

Both me and the princess flung our heads to see whatever made the noise.

Just outside the tent's opening, was another unicorn. He was gray, wore a golden monocle on his left eye and was half the size of Celestia, "No! If you reject the offer, there is an enormous chance of war! That would be breaking our treaty!"

I didn't listen to a thing he said. Instead, I was trying to think of a way to escape, "...Yeah, right."

With a determined look, he began pushing me forward, "Good! Then let's go shall we? Princess, stop sitting there! You are part of the treaty as well!"

In front of me, was a tent opening, followed by a bright light being emitted from it. Time seemed to slow down at that moment, a mixture of Earth music and some of those weird Equestrian instruments were playing loudly, making me sink into my own shoes. As the unicorn let me go, he opened the tent slit and what I saw, was utterly astonishing. Millions, upon millions of people were in rows, both cheering and booing, while I stood at the end of what seemed like a football stadium.

In the center of the field, was a ginormous, ethereal hologram of some guy. Upon further inspection, I noticed that the hologram looked both terrified, and beat-up. I squinted at at the giant blue human, until I realized that it was me. He was wearing the same shirt I was, same messy hair, and the same distraught look on his face

I wanted to turn into a puddle right there, and drip into the ground... or maybe moon everyone with said hologram, but there's no way I would do that! Not in real-life!

A minute passed, before I felt something lightly push me forward. My head swiveled towards the direction of the push, but I didn't see anyone.

That didn't stop the push from growing in strength though. Instead, the push became harder, and harder until I finally decided to start walking along with it, and onto the tiny podium in front of me.

When I got there, the entire crowd went silent, conjuring up billions of chills down my back.

I cleared my throat, "Hello..."

With that, the sound of my voice flooded the entire stadium. That one, simple, pathetic word, echoed everywhere.

I was instantly greeted by a few, faint, sarcastic-laughs and coughs. I couldn't stop though, I had to keep talking, "... alright, this is scary, I'm sweating like crazy over here!"

Surprisingly, I was greeted by half the crowd lightly laughing, giving me some encouragement, "Haha, so, it's amazing to see so many people here. Princess Celestia, is a really good per- pony, and a wonderful leader and here she stands now!"

More people cheered as Celestia smiled calmly. I turned my head back to it's original position, but looked above the crowd, rather than at them. It's what I did when I had my first DJ gig, and it still helped now, "I also wanted to say, that I'm sorry not all of you could win, because you are all incredible people. But, please remember, life is an obstacle course, there will always be bad... and good. The more obstacles you go over, the stronger you become, then, you will be able to be happy. Running off to another world won't make you happy, since there will be obstacles there too."

The people stayed silent as I continued, "Those, were some of the words my father told me. He told me that I had my eyes closed. He told me, I saw something I didn't like, so, I shut it out... along with the light."

Knowing I was gaining people's attention, I tried copying Celestia's smile, "So, my father then told me, that in order to see the light again, I needed to open my eyes... and I did and found good within the world. This, is because day ALWAYS comes after night, but there will always be day and there will always be night, whether you like it or not."

As I finished, the entire crowd cheered and I was shaking from the amount of excitement I felt, "And here, is another great being, who cares so much about bringing the day to others, please welcome, Princess Celestia!"

Instantly, as I soon as I announced her name, another hologram appeared next to mine, prompting the shouts of joy from millions of people. The new hologram resembled Princess Celestia, exactly.

For a minute, the princess was just standing there, gawking at me. I flashed her a small smile, and gestured her to the crowd, which effectively snapped her out of her daze. Afterwards, she walked over to my side, and cleared her throat to speak.

"That... was a very admirable message. Thank you, Jack. Your father was a very wise man. As for the humans of Earth, I am proud to say that I thoroughly enjoyed this first Raffle. I hope that in time, we can learn much about each other"

"Now, without further adieu, let the gala begin!" She finished, inciting the crowd to cheer once again.

On her cue, the music began playing again, and people began rushing towards the ground, to dance and have fun.

I was about to leave right there, until I felt myself nearly trip over something furry. Looking down, I found the same monocle-pony, staring at me in confusion.

Scared of the answer, I asked anyway, "Uh... sir, what is going to happen next?"

His face immediately burst into an excited smile, "My friend... you, are going to Equestria!"

A Heart-Warming Welcome

"Sir, could you please sign here?"

I peered at the clipboard that some guy held in front of me. He folded half of the paper, so the only thing I could see was the word 'Signature' and a line that followed after it.

"What is it?"

The man shook his head, "It's nothing really. It's just about your safety in the shuttle."

I nodded, before taking my hand and attempting to flip the paper over, but before I could, it was immediately blocked by the other person's thumb.

This time, I gave him an annoyed look, "Let me see what I'm signing, and then maybe I'll sign it."

...

He clenched his jaw. For a moment, it looked as if he was actually considering to show me or not. Finally. he unfolded the paper to allow me to see. What I saw, made me seriously consider running away, and becoming an outlaw for life. In massive, black letters, it read, 'Last Will and Testament'.

"I’m not signing it!"

To stop me from leaving, he physically grasped my already injured shoulder, making me clench my jaw in pain, "But sir, you MUST sign it. Think about your loved ones!"

He’s not getting the point. I guess I’ll have to spell it out for him.

I smiled, "Actually, you know what? You've convinced me! Let me see that clipboard."

The man looked relieved from my words, and handed over the paper. When he did, I took the pen, and wrote in massive, sloppy letters, "F*** You"

He looked angry, but I kept smiling, "Oh, my bad. Did I take up too much space? I'll gladly write it again."

The man just stared at me, with anger practically leaking from his face.

Eventually, he stood up straight, “It is… fine, sir. I’ll take my leave now.”

“Oh, and if you wouldn’t mind, please show that paper to whoever sent you too!" I called to him, as he was leaving.

Afterwards, I was left alone... again.

Wait, I'm alone?

Realization kicked in, before started inconspicuously looking around my surroundings. Several shuttles were lined up with multiple human-soldiers guarding the entrances, Princess Celestia was busy being escorted to her own shuttle, and the only security drones that were present, were offline for some reason. Nobody was watching me.

I had two options now; My first option, would be to escape now, and become an outlaw. Then, I would find a group of homeless people, join them, learn the way of the homeless people, and live the rest of my life, hiding from the government.

On the other hand, I could accept the consequences of my actions and get inside my shuttle. If I survived the shuttle, I then ultimately would be trapped in an unknown world, with no women, no internet, no television and worst of all… no meat, since apparently that is a serious offense in Equestria.

I decided upon the former.

Sneering to myself, I started to casually walk past everyone. I didn’t run, or tremble, I just walked.

That was, until I felt an arm quickly wrap around my shoulder, making every muscle in my body flinch.

After that, the arm forcibly turned me around, back towards the shuttles, and made me start walking. I glanced to see who it was, and found one of the commanding officers, trying his hardest not to laugh.

“It looked like you were getting lost there, Mr. Harrison. I’ll just help you back to your shuttle.”

“Sir, I believe that I do have rights. I do not want to enter that shuttle. There should be a redraw or something, and I would just go back to my old life of working and paying my taxes.”

“Ha! Good one, Mr. Harrison. You lost your rights as soon as you submitted that ticket.”

My face went pale.

Eventually, we arrived back at my shuttle. There were two Equestrian standing-put near the entrance.

The officer let me go, allowing the Equestrian guards to take over.

Before I knew it, I was shoved into the shuttle, and the door slammed behind me. Now that I was in the shuttle, my stress levels were going through the roof. I needed to listen to music, now!

Shakily, I flung my arm out and quickly tapped the power button on my bracelet. The hologram soon popped out, and presented to me my grand collection of songs.

I quickly picked one, and let the music flow into my head, from the bracelet.

Not for long though...

Out of nowhere, a random blue aura engulfed my entire bracelet, and immediately ripped it from my arm.

"What the!" I yelped, and responded by flipping my head up, only to stare head-to-head, with an angry-looking, Equestrian guard. He glared ice-cold daggers at me, with his horn shining and my bracelet magically floating next to his face.

The walking buzz-kill growled, "No importing earthly items!"

I glared back, "Oh yeah? So, I guess I have to give you all of my clothes too, right?"

20 minutes later...

I was now sitting, stark naked, with the same guard keeping an eye on me. Now angry, I rolled my eyes and asked the guard innocently, "Look, if this is you trying to express your deep, hidden feelings for me, then I would understand. But this isn't the way to try to court me."

The guard in response, just ignored me, like a boring guard would.

I thought the winner would at least go to Equestria like it was a vacation or something, and you would be treated nicely. However, I was instead escorted to a space-shuttle and then, shoved in like a criminal.

I looked back over to my 'bodyguard' and smiled politely, "I do appreciate this wondrous excursion. However, this outing has made me quite parched. If you would be so kind, I would like a glass of wine, Sir."

Suddenly, as soon as the last word left my mouth, a sharp, jab of pain made itself noticeable in my side. Confused and hurt, I fell down, and geld my injured area tightly. Looking up, I found one the guards towering over me. Where was his partner?

"You pathetic human! I know what you monsters do! You come over to us, hurt us, then leave like nothing happened! I honestly hate our princess knowing she didn't let you suffer!"

The unicorn brought up his spear up to my neck, and softly traced the spearhead up to my chin. Afterwards, he applied some pressure, slightly puncturing the flesh.

Pain signals bombarded my brain from the impact, yet I opted to just keep my mouth shut.

That's when the guard leaned in closer to me. I felt his breath sweep over my face, and his eyes darkened with nothing but hatred.

For the first time... I was scared.

He laughed before finally removing the spear, and allowing me to scramble away from him.

He wasn't done though. Afterwards, he started creeping back over to me, "You follow my orders ape... If you even think you are better than the worthless monster you are, I will see it to myself, that you will be killed, during your year in Equestria, do you understand?!"

I repeated the same thought in my head over and over, Don’t be sarcastic, don’t be sarcastic, don’t be sarcastic.

However, I couldn’t take it anymore.

I coughed, “The only thing I understand, is that you should try brushing your teeth some time. I know horses generally have bad breath, but yours blows them away, literally. Seriously, your yelling is stinking up the whole shuttle now.”

After I said that, I expected my life to be ended there and then. But, no. Nothing happened. Instead, I just saw the guard staring at me, sneering.

He didn’t even say anything, instead, he marched back over to one of the shuttle’s chairs, and pulled a seat-belt over himself.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuussssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhh

The sound of the spaceship launching, could be heard echoing throughout the entire shuttle.

It was only until then that I realized what was happening. Quickly, I threw my head down to investigate my stomach, and immediately noticed the lack of seat-belt. My eyes bolted wide-open, "Wait! I need-" Unfortunately, before I could say anything, a thunderous rumble soon cut my words off. I was violently thrown upwards and heard a sickening crack, before my entire world instantly vanished.

...

My eyes lurched open, my heart seemingly pounding out of my chest, and my ears were ringing painfully. Once again, I felt the feeling of time missing... but I didn't care at the moment. Instead, I snapped my eye-lids open to try to find the closest, most convenient seat belt ...that is, until I noticed something. I noticed, that I was no longer in the space-shuttle, but in some strange room.

I tiredly inspected my surroundings, to find an elegant, golden light, glow blissfully from the one humongous, medieval-looking window, on the other side of the room, and a pink, wooden door on the other. The floor was tiled with white marble. The walls were also marble, but had gold layering where each wall met. The scent of the room smelled like a blend of candy, hay and soap. It was at that moment, that I knew I wasn't in Earth anymore.

Upon further inspection, I found several beds lined up on both sides of the room. To the side of me, was a nightstand. The nightstand had a basket of fruit in it, and some kind of stuffed-Princess Celestia toy, with note under it that read 'Get Well Human'. From the evidence given, it looked like some kind of hospital.

I began moving around in my bed, until I heard a gasp. Upon said gasp, I spun my head around to see another unicorn, who wore an old-fashioned English hospital hat. She had fear stricken in her eyes. I tried talking to her, but everything I said, came out dry and scratchy,

"W-wait, I have a question!"

Unfortunately, this seemed to scare her even more, since she immediately darted out of the door, filling the entire room with the sound of running hooves. In a last, desperate attempt, I leaned over the bed, and uselessly flailed my arms around at her. A minute passed before I realized she wasn't coming back. So, I rolled my eyes and flopped myself back into the bed.

For the longest time, I just stared at the ceiling. Then, I became bored and grabbed the Celestia-toy that sat on the nightstand.

I started moving the toy around and made it talk, "Oh, look! I'm Princess Celestia! Sometimes, I like to randomly send innocent humans to different planets, and ruin their lives for fun! Yay!"
Suddenly, a cough was heard from the other side of the room. I turned my head towards the noise, and found Princess Celestia standing by the door.

She cocked an eye-brow, "Hello, Jack. I see that I'm interrupting something, I'll come back later."

This time, I attempted to talk again. It was still weak and scratchy, but at least it was comprehensible, "Princess! What is going on?! I have been kidnapped, stripped, and now I just got knocked unconscious from one of your ponies, all in one day!"

...

"...actually, it's been a week." She murmured, while solemnly approaching my bed.

I let my head hit my pillow, and just closed my eyes, "... a week of being knocked out-cold. Great..."

A minute passed, until I heard the sound of a pony eating. I awkwardly lifted my eyes to see the princess of Equestria, eating one of the apples from my basket, while sitting on a stool next to me.

She caught me looking at her, and her chewing slowed down immensely.

"Crunch"

"...Crunch"

"Princess, what are you doing?"

She swallowed, "I thought that you were going back to sleep"

"No, I'm..." I looked down at my body, and waved my hand around to emphasize my point, "Why am I being treated this way?"

Princess Celestia nodded, before floating the apple back onto the nightstand. She leaned her head closer to me, "You were just ripped from your home world, I wouldn't mind if you told me what you are feeling."

"I don't know, I feel shocked and.. !" I stopped myself. It was her guard that did this to me! For all I know, she could have planned this!
Acknowledging my pause in words, the alicorn raised her neck in interest, "What else do you feel, Jack?"

"Thirsty"

Choosing Sides

"Thirsty?"

I tried sitting up, but stopped myself as a sharp jab of pain shot through my back, "Ah! Yes, I'm thirsty."

The Princess just sat there with an unconvinced, stoic face, "Then I will get a maid to bring you some water."

"No, it's fine... thanks. I'm just, I'm going to get up now" I told her, while struggling to get up. Since when was I so weak?!

My actions obviously made the princess alert, as she immediately shot up from her stool, knocking it over, "Jack, you are weak, please, lay back down."

I ignored her and sat up. Looking down at myself, I noticed that I had a new pair of clothes on... at least, the way a horse would make human clothes. If anything, I looked like I just stole Aladdin's robes.

How did they even get my measurements? I thought to myself, but quickly shrugged it off, knowing it would probably for the best if I didn't know. Soon after, I redirected my attention back to the alicorn, and was immediately greeted with a concern-filled stare.

I fake-yawned, "Well, it was really nice talking to you Princess, but I better get going..."

With that, I pushed myself up but instantly felt a jolt of pain streak through my entire body. I yelped and plopped back down.
Celestia now frowning, lit up her horn and my pain subsided.

She leaned over to look at my body, and whispered to herself, "...you're still injured. What pony would do this to you?"

I laughed the most cringe-worthy, fake-laugh that anybody has ever heard. It was the type of laugh you would make, when your boss made a really bad joke, but you didn't want to be fired. Obviously, it gave her the wrong impression, and she looked even more worried.

A moment of awkward silence passed, before I started speaking again, "Thank you for your concern Princess, but I'm fine!"

To prove my point, I started standing up, "See? Perfectly-"

Another annoying surge of pain was ignited in my shoulder. I looked back to Celestia, who flinched from my pain, but continued watching me.

"I'm seriously fine! It doesn't even hurt that much..."

Celestia just stared at me even more, like she was trying to read my mind. Can these ponies even read minds? Regardless... I started to break into a nervous sweat.

Luckily, the Princess gave me a break and sighed, "That will do for now... in the meantime, please meet your new royal escorts. I can assure you they are... trusted. I would like to further speak to you, however, I have a meeting with the Griffon King. Goodbye Jack, I will speak to you as soon as the meeting is over." With that, light formed around her and she exploded into an aura of light, and vanished.

Wait... escorts? I searched around the room until I found my two 'bodyguards' standing at attention in the far corner. They looked exactly like the one unicorn who almost killed me!

They didn't even meet my gaze. All they did, was stare at nothing in particular, and faced forward.

I better talk to them, or something, or they're going to think I'm intimidated.

"So... you guys like cards?" I coughed awkwardly.

2 hours later

"Seriously? How can I even cheat? I don't even have magic!"

"Well, yes... but there is no logical way you can win four times in a row!"

I threw up a Cheshire-cat smile, before directing my face back at the stoic guard, "So... you forfeit?"

The guard smirked before throwing another five bits into the pile, "Hit me!"

Soon, an ominous wind began gushing from all directions, forcing me and the guards to cover our eyes from the flying debris. The wind also blew the cards and bits into a spiral, much like a tornado.

A golden light began to form as a ball in the center of all of the spiraling wind, before it popped, forming a white, pony princess.

The magic-show nearly scared me to death! Ponies! I swear they want to kill me! I knew better though. I knew she didn't care about me. These ponies won't trick me... not anymore.

After the princess realized that I was fine, her ears rotated a complete ninety degrees, towards the sound of hooves shuffling. She cocked her head towards the sound; finding one guard standing stiffer than a block of concrete, and the other one completely frozen, stuck in an awkward position of attempting to pick up a bit with his mouth, and attempting to do the traditional guard-stance at the same time.

Celestia sighed, "You two are dismissed."

As soon as she finished the last word, both ponies flew out of the door at the speed of light, leaving me and the horse overlord, alone.
She looked back towards me and frowned , "You know... I do care about you, Jack. You are in Equestria now, so I consider you to be my subject."

I placed my palm on my forehead, "Yeah, and that's why you left me with murderous, crazy guard."

Her frown was only getting worse, "I'm sorry... We are trying to find who did that to you. When we opened the shuttle gate, we found you laying there, alone, completely unconscious. My sister and I had a parade prepared for you."

I just shut her out. Likely story, it was her guard! I'm not falling for this train of lies; that is, politics. I could be eating pizza right now, and watching T.V. But nooooooo, because of stupid politics, I am sucked into this mess! I angrily thought to myself.

I didn't answer, leaving Celestia to stare at me, and think about what she did. Of course, she didn't though. Instead, she raised her head and gently spoke to me, "Jack, please follow me. I will show you to your room."

I nodded, before standing up and following her out of the clinic. She actually seemed really sad, which is weird. In public, she always has this modest smile on her face, no matter the situation. It was basically her default-face.

I put up my own poker face as I walked side-to-side with the alicorn.

None of us talked during the entire walk. Not even a single word... but, what would you expect? She obviously wanted me dead. It was like a cobra and a mongoose pretending to be friends.

However, the silent walk of awkwardness eventually came to a halt, as we came across another hallway. Unlike the rest of the castle, the walls here were purple. There was also a door in the middle.

She gestured me inside, and so I did. I grasped the doorknob, and peeled open the door. When I looked inside, I found a very, very large room. It was massive! You could fit an entire soccer team in here, and still have separate beds for everyone!

A gargantuan window was positioned in the center of the wall, with golden drapes idly hanging over it. There was no bed, but there was a human-sized pillow centered in the middle of the room.

The room was also filled with several bookshelves, a nightstand, and a stuffed-giraffe, sitting under said globe.

Of course, I wanted to throw myself onto the pillow and do a happy-dance, but I had to keep it down, otherwise Celestia would think her deception was working.

My face did brighten though, and unfortunately, Celestia noticed. When she saw my face, her tiny smile sprung back up. She giggled, "I see you like the room?"

Keep your cool!

"Y-yeah. It's, bigger than my old apartment."

Celestia nodded, before peering out of the window on the other side of the room, "Jack, what would you think of me, if I told you that I moved the sun?"

Moving the sun? I know magic is incredibly powerful, but doubt it can do that.

"If unicorn magic was that powerful, I would probably freak out."

She didn't answer, instead, she closed her eyes and hummed, "As a precaution, I should tell you that our sun works differently in Equestria. The sun actually drops, and then replaces the moon within seconds. It might scare you, so I suggest you close your eyes. I assure you, that it's natural."

Wait, what?!

Before I could ask her any questions, she already started to walk out of the door, and then softly closed it behind her.

I didn't close my eyes though, instead, I rushed over to the window and glared at the sun, trying to make myself believe that it would slowly, slowly, set. But, nope! I watched in horror while the sun, and all of it's light just completely dropped out of the sky, and the moon and stars popped up where the sun used to be.

This is not natural!

A knock was heard on the door, it was Celestia, "You may open your eyes, now. Goodnight, Jack."

I heard metallic hoofsteps tap away from the door, as I zombie-walked over to my pillow.

Once I got there, I placed my hand on top of it, to feel the soft, warm embrace of the fabric. Then, I let myself sink into it. There was no blanket, but I still felt warm anyway. In fact, It was the most comfortable thing I have ever felt! It even smelled like fresh, washed laundry... but the sun dropping like that... that was just unreal.

There's no way that is natural!

I rolled over to my side to get more comfortable, taking in the smell of the pillow. And with that, I just stayed there, motionless. not being able to sleep. Obviously, I wasn't going to sleep anytime soon.

Tap! Tap! Tap!

There was some tapping being heard from the window.

"Hey! Let me in!" Tap! Tap! Tap!

A voice?! What?

With that, I tried getting up, but I struggled getting out of all of the pillow sucking me in.

The voice outside was relentless, "Please, open up!" Taptaptaptaptap!

I finally managed to flip myself out of the pillow, and then bolted over to the window.

I sought for some type of opening for the window, but there was none! Seriously, this medieval thing that Celestia has going on, has went too far!

A pegasus pressed a hoof to the glass and looked into my eyes.

It was strange, her eyes are glowing now-

POOF!

And just like that, she was no longer outside, but sitting on my chest, still holding the envelope. I will never get used to this world...

The pegasus shook her head in discomfort, before finally dropping the letter to the ground. She looked with at me a blank look on her face, "Sir Human, my teleportation potion won't last very long. Your Human leaders wanted you to have this.."

She gestured to the crumpled envelope, "..this... funny looking scroll. I have to go now, so have a good day... or night! It just turned night."

I glanced down at the letter, "Alright, but could you-" As I looked back up, she was gone. Fantastic!

Sighing to myself, I ripped open the oddly human-like envelope.

Now, there are two things that could happen right now...

One, I read the stupid letter, and something extremely bad will happen.

Or two, I read the letter, and the letter tells me that the human embassy screwed up, and I get sent back home!

I lifted the piece of paper, and read aloud,

Central Intelligence Agency Document 34:10

Hello, Mr. Harrison.

We have news, pertaining that Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, are in fact, terrorists.

For your time remaining in the Equestrian atmosphere, you are obliged to record everything, and anything Celestia says.

Evidence suggests that she plans to commit genocide on all of mankind, therefore, she is not to be trusted.

If you had not been previously been informed by this information, you must know that griffons and ponies, in fact, have a large array of 'magic' to be used at their own, personal, use. Their 'magic' has been used to force our ships out the sky. It is a threat.

The princess has also been known to use her 'magic', to influence the minds of others. Do not let her influence you.

Presenting this message to any individual will be considered treasonous. Not recording the princess's communications, will also be considered treason and you will be arrested on return.

If you agree, then please wipe your right brow within the next five minutes.

Afterwards, you are ordered to terminate this message.

Good luck, and bless America.

Wait, what?! Wipe your brow, or I will be arrested? See? This is why I hate politics! This letter probably isn't even true! Ok, think... the New America people, probably put some kind of camera or something in here.

Cautiously, I roamed my eyes around the room, for anything out of place. As I did, I peered over to the giraffe that I saw before.

I strode over to it and picked it up. Usually, in those spy movies, people would always put cameras in the eyes.

I tapped the eye, but it felt normal. I did find a tag on it...

To Luna, From Celestia

D'awwwwwww- wait, no! Focus!

Alright, so I have to admit that I don't trust Celestia. I also know that I don't trust the new founding fathers. So, why do I even have to get involved? I'm not risking my life over this!

Knowing that it has been about three minutes already, I hurriedly wiped my brow.

...

And... nothing happened.

Sighing, I sulked over to the pillow, before landing face-first on the weird bed, and immediately sinking into it.

Jack Loses It

...
　
"Ok! Here is the plan!"
　
I was sitting in the middle of the floor, coming up with an escape plan with my two best buddies. Remember how that moon just popped up? Well guess what? The sun does too! Seriously, it literally popped up, like a toaster! Aha! Anyways, for some stupid reason, I overslept and was now officially going crazy. To the right of me was Mr. Soap, and to the left was Doug the Tooth-Brush.
　
I smirked at Doug, having the most brilliant plan ever, "Ok, Doug. here's what I need you to do: First, sneak into Celestia's underwear drawer, and then scare her while me and Mr. Soap run off."

However, Doug didn't seem to like my idea, since all he did was continue giving me the silent-treatment.
　
I scoffed, "Really mate?! Fine then! Mr. Soap and I will do a boss duo mission, while you brush horse teeth for the rest of your life!".

I at least expected some kind of response, but nope. Doug just kept sitting there, being a dope.
　
I rolled my eyes before looking over to Mr. Soap, "You ready?"
　
"No."
　
I launched up, staring at the bar of soap with fear-stricken eyes. My heart also nearly bolted out of my chest. Was I hearing things now?! However, I was relieved when a girlish laughter began to flood the room.
　
"Bwahahaha! That... was... haha! So good!"

My head snapped towards the source of the sound. When I did, I found a weird, black, bat-pony-thing rolling on the floor in laughter, clutching her sides. She also had a small tuft of silvery mane that flung from side to side, as she laughed.

I glared at her, "You didn't see anything."

She rolled back over onto her hooves and flashed me a mischievous smile on her face, "Oh, but I did~ and it was hilarious."

"Heheh... yeah. Anyway, nice to meet you. I’m Jack."

"I’m Silver Heart, your new guard. It’s nice to meet you too." She greeted me.

Again with the guards! I smiled and presented to her my hand for a handshake, but, she only looked at it in confusion.

“There’s nothing in your hand.”

I awkwardly pulled it back to me, before speaking, "Oh, it’s a human thing, sorry. It was a pleasure meeting you, but I don’t really need any gua-"

"Ah... I see that thou have met!"

Another complete random pony randomly and noisily walked into tbe room as well... yet this one was different, in fact, she was too different. I jumped when I saw her, because she reminded me so much of Celestia. In fact, everything about her was like Celestia. Like the sun princess, she also had a gravity-defying mane, was huge, and had wings and a horn. However, it was when I saw the crown, that I knew exactly who she was. She was Princess Luna, the other ruler that everyone's been talking about back on Earth.

My palms immediately broke out into a sweat, but I continued to stay as calm as physically possible.

To the side of me, I heard the clinking of armor and the shuffling of hooves. I investigated, and saw that Silver Heart was bowing. I wasn’t though, no I just stood there, like an idiot, again. Eh, I’m getting used to it.

The blue pony spoke up, "Our apologies, We are Princess Luna, ruler of the night! Thine guard was an idea we and our sister agreed upon. She will be looking after thou for the remainder of the year"

I rubbed my head, "Thank you Princess... I appreciate it."

Luna beamed, "We appreciate thy appreciation, however, we must take our leave now. Goodbye fair Jack and Silver Heart!"

Neither me nor Silver could get the chance to say anything. She was already out the door!

And then it was just me and Silver...

...

"Sooo..." She said, awkwardly breaking the silence.

I am going to escape now... I already made up my mind!, I thought.

I relaxed a little, "Hey Silver, are you guarding me, and protecting me from attackers, or are you
just watching me?"

The bat-pony flashed one of her fangs, "Are you accusing the Princesses, that they don't trust you?!"

That answers my question.

I shook my head, "Yeah, dumb question, sorry... I'm going to go wash up now."

Silver actually looked to be pondering for a while, before pressing her hoof into the floor gently,

"...You won’t try to escape, will you?"

I laughed, hard, “Of course not! Don’t be silly!”

“Thank you, I’ll wait here.” She smiled.

I smiled too, in fact, I smiled all the way to the bathroom. It was when I was finally in the bathroom, that I went into full-escape mode.

1 hour later...

"By order of Princess Luna, you are commanded to dress and leave the bathroom immediately. If you do not exit the bathroom now, then I'm coming in with restraints, and a one-way ticket to the dungeon!"

I'm dead! I'm dead! I'm dead!

This time, I threw what soap I had left on the floor.

Trying to buy some more time, I attempted to reason with her, one last time, "Can't a guy take a bath in peace?! Human skin is very difficult to wash! It usually takes me four hours to wash completely!"

"I don't believe that! I'm coming in now!" She snarled

With her word, she knocked the door down, and jolted inside. Luckily, I was hiding in the corner, and made a run for it as soon as I saw her.
She spotted me, and reached for me, but immediately slipped and fell on the overly-soapy floor.

“I’m really sorry, but I can’t stay here! If I stay any longer, I’m going to lose my mind!” I yelled. Not wasting any more time, I hastily left the bathroom towards the hallway.

Now, I had to find a way out of the castle. That would be a problem though, since there was literally an endless amount of rooms and hallways scattered abroad! One hallway would lead to two hallways, then those hallways would cut through those hallways… what were the architects smoking?!

"I"M GOING TO KILL YOU JACK!!!!"

Every thought in my head was immediately shattered at the voice. I swung my head around to find a flying, angry-beyond-belief, bat-pony, heading straight towards me!

I yelped before yanking off one of my shoes and aiming it at Silver. I called to her, "Don't make me do this!"

"I swear to Celestia, Jack! If you-"

I threw my shoe at her, square in the face. She went tumbling down to the ground upon impact. After she fell, I wasted no time to continue running.

The hallway eventually split into two. So, I had two options; I could take either right or left. I didn't even care, and ran right from pure instinct.

As I turned right, I was instantly greeted by an entire wall of fully-armed guards.

I spun around, but noticed that there was another wall of guards there, blocking me in.

"You are under arrest, monster!."

There's now way I'm stopping now!

"I am under protection by the princess! You can't hurt me!!!!" I yelled, before charging into the wall of armed soldiers.

Their eyes immediately shot open and surprise, and the entire wall struggled to scramble away as I shot straight through the middle. I laughed as I made my inevitable escape. Of course, they would be trying to tackle me to the floor now. So, I would have to be more cautious.

Eventually, I came across another door. It threw it open, and fled in. For some reason, there was no room behind the door. Instead, there were nothing but stairs in front of me. Not having much of a choice, I began to climb up the stairs... and they went on, and on, and on, and on... it was ridiculous! After nearly ten minutes of climbing stairs, I finally found the end... which ultimately led to another door, with a massive decorative engraved into it.

Panting like crazy, I just flung my hand onto the knob, and threw the door open. What I found though, was simply astonishing. It was another bedroom like I had, but larger and full of interesting objects. Like my room, it also had giant golden and purple pillow in the middle. Unlike my room, It had an actual bed, a fire-place, and a glorious black and blue stain-glass window on the wall, with a picture of shooting star on it, and a balcony.

I quickly regained my focus, and rushed over to the balcony.

The first thing I saw on the balcony, were clouds and a view of the mountains. Looking down, I literally saw an entire city, with armies of those... alien-horses below. Then, it hit me. I was in Celestia's room.

A thousand chills rolled down my back at the thought, until I snapped myself back together.

Ok, shut up brain! You're only getting distracted! Think! If I tried to jump, it would obviously be undeniable death.

I silently cursed to myself, and stared down at the little ponies, who walked around buying groceries, and going about their normal lives. That was, until I heard shouting coming from outside Celestia's bedroom, somewhere down the stairs.

I made up my mind, and did what any ordinary person would do: I ran back into her room, grabbed all of her blankets, and began wrapping them around my hands.

I knew I was being stupid, and I could help saying 'Don't try this at home' in my mind. Afterwards, I climbed over the golden rail and planted my feet on the edge of the tower's wall. Slowly I allowed myself to slide down the extraordinarily rugged tower with the blankets wrapped around my hands, and my feet wrapped around the tower. Afterwards, I allowed myself to slide down.

After a minute, the blankets began to rip one by one, and soon I felt my hand burst in pain. I yelped, and felt the feeling of my hand collecting tiny pieces of jagged rock. My hands slowly began to cut open but if I let go, I knew I would fall to my death. Instead, I clenched my mouth shut. Luckily, I slowed my sliding just enough, that when I crash-landed to the ground, I didn't break anything.

I immediately pulled my hands away and examined them, seeing them shredded and bleeding. I groaned before taking the remainder of the blankets, ripped it in half, and tied them around my hand like bandages.

As soon as that was over, I spotted a hedge. In no-time, I climbed over it, and landed on the other side. My shoes tapped stone. I slowly looked up to see my surroundings and finally saw Equestria for the first time. Everywhere I looked, was... alien. Back at home, my city didn't have any animals, trees, or anything. Instead, they had advertisements popped up into the sky, and with towers that lit up in every color possible. There would usually be millions of people riding the Auto-Taxis everywhere.

Here, the air was refreshing. I saw actual trees, like in the pictures, and there were only a few hundred ponies at the max. It was amazing.

It was when I caught the ponies staring at me, that I remembered I wasn't welcome.

Soon, I felt something pummel into my back, forcing me to slam into the ground. I tried sitting up, but was blocked.

Eventually, an extremely familiar voice snarled at me, "You're under arrest primate!".

Negotiations

"And lastly, I order you to sit here, and think about what you did. If you continue to act as a child, I will simply treat you as one."

I launched myself to the bars, "Is it so childish, to not have a guard follow me around like a puppy dog all day, and be confined in the castle?"

Here I was... in prison. Usually in a land of ponies, you would think the prison would be made of candy and the bars would be made of peppermint, but nope! Dark blocks of sandstone made up the place, with cold, sturdy, iron bars to keep me contained. It was basically a dungeon. A few torches were lined up outside, giving the entire place an eerie vibe.

Celestia turned her head around, not looking at me as she spoke, "I'm sorry Jack... but I need you to be safe. Many ponies around here, do not like the thought of a human being in Equestria."

I grasped on the bars and looked directly into her eyes, "Then let me go back to Earth!"

She sighed, "I wish I could, but you have already been chosen as the winner. It's only a year, Jack."

Yeah, a year of being blackmailed by my own country, and having to worry about ponies assassinating me.

I mock-laughed, before walking over to the stretched-out, pile of hay in my cell, "A year? Okay... actually, now that I think of it, I guess I could get used to this place! I think I'm starting to change my mind. Yes, I can see it now."

Beside my 'bed' was a bowl, filled to the brim with tap water. I faked a huge smile before lifting it up, "Wow, Princess! Is this your featured wine? How generous!"

Celestia breathed against one of the bars, "I will bring you some wine, if that's what you wish."

"No, it's fine." I propped by hands up on the hay, before moving myself to lay down and sprawling my arms out. I waited for her to leave, but she didn't. Instead, she just stood there and intently watched the floor.

"...Jack, I brought you something."

I stayed silent.

Suddenly, I felt something hard place itself into my hand. Out of curiosity, I grasped it and brought the object to my face.

It was a red book. There was no cover or anything, so I flipped it over to see the book's spine. In massive, black letters, it read, 'The Truth about our Enemies'

"I wrote that book. Other than you, my sister and my personal student, nopony has ever read it before. You can write in it if you want, I have copies."

Thanks, Princess. But I don't need a book, I need a shuttle.

I gave her a curt smile before opening it, and placing it on top of my head. Hopefully, it would provide some use, and block out the uncooperative pony.

The alicorn opened her mouth to say something, but then softly closed it. After some thought, her eyes widened with hope, "Jack, I can let you out of this prison, and allow you the freedom to roam the castle freely, however, there is a requirement."

She had my attention. I removed the book and looked at her, "What's the catch?"

"You will be required to be a maid. Of course, if you attempt to run away again, I will have no choice but to increase the amount of personal guards."

I cringed and looked up to Celestia, "Do I get a uniform?"

After the two of us agreed upon the new deal, we made it back to my old room. Several guards glared at me while I walked... but I was a free man!

Celestia opened the door, and we both walked in. I was back! With that pillow-thing still sitting there, waiting for me. Victory point for me! At least, it was a victory... until I saw the uniform sitting in the middle of the room.

"Celestia, I'm not wearing that."

She cocked her brow, "Why not? All my male maids wear it."

The thing about ponies, is that they never wear clothes. They only wear clothes for special occasions, accessories or in this case, uniforms. Her idea of a male maid's 'uniform', was the top half of a tuxedo, and a bow. No pants included!

I decided to be sarcastic, again. It always helped in situations like this, "Hmm, I feel like something is missing..."

The sun princess peered at the uniform in total speculation. After a moment of time, her eyes suddenly lit up, and she hummed, "Indeed, I know just what you are speaking of, Jack."

Her horn began to light up, and she started lifting a small piece of fabric from the floor. Smiling, she used her magic to shape it, and gently placed it into the tuxedo's pocket, effectively adding a pocket-handkerchief.

She closed her eyes and exhaled, "There..."

"Princess, I need pants."

This caused the alicorn to perk her ears up and face me, "Why would you need pants? They are uncomfortable."

"It's a human thing... can't I have a pair?"

She shook her head, and levitated the suit over to me, "Yes, but it will take a while to make one. Our seamstress isn't very experienced in making human clothing."

"Yes, but wearing pants is a part of human culture. It's considered offensive to go without."

She scrunched her muzzle in concentration, "Jack, stand still."

"Wait! If you-"

POOF!

The suit was no longer in front of me, and I suddenly felt a gentle breeze in my crotch-area. Also, the princess was now staring down at me, blushing.

I looked to see what she was looking at, before immediately covering myself with her book, "I told you to wait!"

Still in a daze, Celestia never stopped staring. Instead, she shakily spoke, "I-I need to, to do paperwork! Yes, lots, and lots and..."

She was staring again.

"Goodbye Jack."

I yelled, "No! What about my-"

POOF!!!

Stupid ponies...

Okay, new plan, get some pants.

Thinking quickly, I started scanning the room... there was no closet, but there was a desk. I bolted over to it, and threw the book on top. Afterwards, I pulled out all of the drawers, looking for anything to cover myself up with.

There was nothing!

Sqeaaaakkk "Hi Princess, I have your...."

My head swiveled to look upon a pony, holding a pair of pants in her mouth. She looked at me in raw terror.

Don't scare her... take it easy.

"Hi, my name's Jack, and-"

"MONSTER!"

As soon as that one word left her muzzle, she jolted out of the door, along with my pants.

I launched after her, running into the hallway, "Ma'am! I am not a monster, just, let's talk about this!"

"MONSTER!"

The pony fled down the maze of hallways. It was giving me a headache.

As we fled down the maze, we ran past several different ponies. Some looked really rich, seemingly nobles or foreign ambassadors, and the rest were maids and guards.

Eventually we ended up at another door. The pony leaped through the door, and slammed it in my face.

I ripped open the door, now panting, and sweating. What I saw behind the door made me almost give up... almost.Behind the door, was nothing but more spiraling stairs! Sure, let's just go back up to Celestia's room. Sounds like a fantastic idea!

The pony was already somewhere up there, but that didn't stop me from yelling, "I'm not a monster! But if you don't give me my pants, you're going to see a monster!"

As I crawled up the stairs, trying to get my stupid pants, I never noticed that the walls were getting darker in color. It looked different than Celestia's stairs. There were also miniature windows within the walls, that emitted small beams of light. It was still day outside.

Eventually, I just couldn't go on... I went slack and decided to lay there, exhausted.

If fate wanted me to be half-naked, then who am I to stop it?!

I started to fall asleep, until I felt some weird feeling on my hand. Lazily looking down, I found my hand to be covered in some type of blue magic. Naturally, I tried shaking it off, but it only covered the rest of my body. That's when I started freaking out.

The magic started engulfing my entire body, and within a second, I lost my vision. My gut turned, and I felt my entire body break down into tiny particles. It didn't hurt, but it felt unnatural, and terrifying.

Luckily, the feeling didn't last for long. My body started to form itself again, and my vision came back.

Did I just teleport?!

Looking up, I found myself face-to-face with Princess Luna. Behind her, was the maid with my pants still in her mouth.

Not thinking straight, I latched onto Luna and shouted, "PANTS!!!!!!!!"

Luna tucked her ears in pain, before shutting my mouth up with her magic, and glaring at me, "Jack, calm thyself!"

Wait, think about this Jack. Alright, this has to be the entrance for Princess Luna's chambers. But isn't it still day? She should be sleeping.

I squinted at the big blue pony in front of me, and my suspicions were immediately confirmed. She looked really, really, tired.

"Jack, we will open thy mouth, but only if thou are calm. Doth thou understand?"

I nodded.

She lit up her horn with magic. Softly, she tapped my mouth with her horn, and I automatically felt control again.

As soon as I felt control, I pointed at the maid, "She ran off with my pants."

The pony I was referring to shrieked.

Luna sighed, and turned to the maid, "Blossom, give this human his pants."

The maid stuttered, "B-but, your majesty,"

"NOW!!!"

Even though her voice wasn't directing at me, I still flinched.

The maid hesitantly crawled over to me, with my pants. When she reached me, I softly grasped the pants from the her mouth, and took it away.

She murmured something, but it was incomprehensible.

"Did you say something?"

The pony looked up to me, "I'm sorry..."

"It's alright, I needed the exercise anyway."

She giggled, but her laughter was interrupted by a loud snort.

I looked back to Luna, who was glaring at me, "If thou art both done, we must sleep." And with that, she turned around and opened her door to leave. However, that was it. She didn't leave.

Eventually she turned around to face both of us, "Please excuse us for being so rude, we turn into a different pony when we are interrupted by sleep. Jack, we have news that thou art now a maid. If so, we then request your presence during nightcourt. Is this acceptable?"

I nodded.

She weakly smiled, obviously still tired, "Tis is splendid! We fare-thee-well, then, Jack." Afterwards, she left to her chambers.

The maid shuffled her hooves, "So... you're a rookie?"

1 hour later...

Me and the maid were back in my room. I had my pants back! Finally!

Ponies are insane! Princess Celestia didn't even help at all! Oh, which reminds me, I need to get some information from her. It might be a problem though, since Blossom was already busy, telling me the five hundred rules to properly treat royalty. As much as I wanted to listen, I interrupted her.

"Then, you always leave a tiny leaf on the tea cups."

I nodded, "Okay, but I have a question."

Blossom's face beamed, "Yes?"

"About the princesses, what do they think about humans?"

The mare cocked her head in contemplation, "Well, judging how they act around you, I would say they like you."

I nodded, "Yes, but have they spoke about humanity as a while, in public?"

"Of course! We were told that you humans are another species on another planet!" She smiled proudly.

Hmm, I guess the Princesses kept their subjects in the dark.

I fake-yawned, "Ooh! I'm tried! I better rest up to get ready for night court with Luna."

"Of course, Mr. Human! I'll see you later then!" She practically bounced out of my room.

I hurried over to Celestia's book, and pulled some ink and a quill from the desk. Maybe this book would be of serious use.

I began writing in the margin,

Log 1

So far, I have not been able to find anything worth recording. The princesses have been kind to me so far, so I know that they want to make some kind of impression on me.

I will be attending Princess Luna during night court, so maybe I can get some information from there.

Harrison, out.

Author's Note

You just read an entire chapter about pants. :trollestia:

The Cake War

Me and Luna were now at the door to the courtroom. The door was massive, and it had millions of designs cut into it, each one filled with gold. I couldn't help but stare in awe.

The night princess giggled, "This is only the door, fair Jack. Wait until you see what lies behind it."

I laughed awkwardly in response and nodded.

With her magic, she opened the door to allow entry. As we walked through, my jaw nearly hit the floor. Stain-glass windows, surrounded the entire room; eliciting a rainbow of light upon the floor. Magnificent silk tapestries idly hung from the walls, waiting to be gawked at. And there, by the far wall, centered between the royal banners, sat a large ornate red and golden chair. A maid, was standing put near the throne, smiling at us, as we entered.

"This is the throne room?" I whispered.

She nodded, "Tis' is the royal courtroom. At night, we sit here and await counsel."

Await counsel? But there's literally nobody here. I swung my head around, and found the entire place to be empty, besides me, some maid and the princess, of course.

Okay, this is weird...

Me and Luna avoided each other's gazes, obviously ignoring the elephant in the room. Not wanting to say anything to make her upset, I opted to just stay silent, and politely sit on one of the stairs, leading to the throne.

This is really awkward. Alright, strike some conversation, or something.

I coughed, "So, princess... what else do you do during court?"

Luna looked up in contemplation, "We do not do much at this hour. Instead, we read books, and form new patterns in the night."

"Wait, you study constellations?" I asked, thoughtfully.

Luna turned her head towards me, a face of confusion thoroughly plastered onto her face. She looked at me for a while, before her eyes widened in understanding. She nervously spoke, "Y-yes! Indeed! We draweth lines, using the already existing stars that we obviously cannot control!"

I guess that's cool...

Then, we just sat there. Glancing over to Luna, I found that she looked bored to tears. Alright, this has to change.

I stood up, effectively gaining Luna's attention, "Princess, nobody is coming."

"That is not true, tis' only a... slow night."

...

"It's a slow night every night, isn't it?"

Luna sat up assertively, "We are not leaving this courtroom."

"Alright, fine..."

After a moment, an idea popped into my head. I grew a sly grin. "Though, we should have something to drink while were sitting here."

"Thou art thirsty? We can send a maid to bring you a beverage."

"Not that type of drink. You know, I mean alcohol, liquor, firewater, rotgut. Something to make nightcourt a bit more fun."

"Perhaps... yes, we would like to indulge on... this alcohol." Luna giggled. She then gestured to the maid, "Fair maid, we would like to request a bottle of wine, please."

The maid nodded, before running off.

"There you go, Princess! You'll love it!" I laughed, excitement running through me at the thought of some wine.

In no time, the maid returned with a bottle, and set it between us. I smirked; grabbing the bottle, "First drink goes to the lady."

"Thank you. We shouldn't drink too much though..."

Nearly an hour of drinking later...

"Are you sherious?? You literally haff hundreds of bottles of booze, but you never drink any of it?!"

We were now both sitting on the floor, with several empty bottles of wine between us. The two of us were completely smashed.

Luna levitated another glass over to me, before speaking, "We hath not drinketh, shince we were young."

Luna started grabbing at my shirt, with her magic, "Why dosh you hewmans always wear clothing?" Her face was scrunched up, and a deep, red, blush covered the majority of her cheeks.

I stood up, nearly toppling over, "If I dishnt, my thing would be in everyone's fashe!"

The princess started laughing hysterically, "Art thou embarrished of its shise?"

I felt even more warmth to my cheeks, "N-no!"

Luna kept laughing and began prancing around, "Jack hash a small thingy! Jack hash a small thingy!"

The maid behind us, actually looked scared now. I looked over and groaned at her, "Morrrrreee Booze!!"

15 minutes later (Four glasses of wine)

"We are no longer Nightmare Moon, b-but everypony ish still scared of ush!"

I held onto her, letting her cry, "You! You don't needsh to listen to them! Dey are all just jealous of your hair."

Luna started to drunkingly smile again, "Tanks, Jack! Your my besht friend!"

When she said that, I felt some kind of urge in my head. It was as if some part of me, was screaming at me. Trying to think in my drunk-addled
mind, I thought, Wait... wasn't I supposed to be doing something?

The alicorn suddenly looked down, a frown growing on her face, "Jacksh, we hath something to tell thou..."

I thought even more, Come on, brain! Work! She has to tell you something, you can't trust her... oh! Yes, I need proof that she is gonna do genocide on all humans!

I pat her on the back, "Joo can tell me anyshing!"

She perked up, "Don't tell Shelestia dat we shaid this, but she ish shtudying da humans" Luna, to prove her point, cupped my face with both of her hooves, and repeated, "She even keeps a journal on joo!"

Yes, a Journal! It probably even has information in it! I need it!

I physically removed her hooves, before speaking, "Luna, I needsh da journal, itsh an emergenshy!"

Luna, not even caring at my reasoning, was now completely determined. She threw her hooves down before nodded frantically, "Huzzah! We musht getsh the journal! Mount us Jack!!"

My eyes nearly popped out of their sockets, "I shink dat we should get to know eachother firsht and den-."

"What? N-no! We meant to placesh your bottom on our back! Hurry!"

"Here goes nothing!" I thought, before approaching her, and wrapping my legs around the alicorn.

I didn't even get a chance to settle myself, before she jolted out the door. She couldn't stay in a straight line though... she was drunk. Instead, she criss-crossed the entire way, nearly smacking into every pony, that was unfortunate enough to be walking down the hallway.

I bent down to see Luna's face. For some reason, it looked as if she was enjoying herself, as she had a massive grin spread across her face.
Ponies were screaming, and doing barrel-rolls to avoid the charging Luna and her human rider. It didn't matter though; desperate times, call for desperate measures! I must have that journal!

Eventually, we sprinted towards the entrance of another tower, completed with the spiraling stairs. I knew right away that me and Luna were heading to Celestia's chambers.

We flew up all of the stairs, and straight through the chamber's entrance. Afterwards, Luna made a sudden, and complete stop, effectively launching me into the air.

I ended up sailing, not for long though, since the stone wall stopped me from flying. For some reason it didn't hurt though... maybe I was too drunk! Yay!

I heard a squeak, "Jack! Sister! Why are you two in my room?"

Craning my head up, I spotted Celestia. She was in her bed, wearing a pink and white bath-robe, and was clutching some kind of book to her chest.

Luna slammed her hooves down from the other side of the room, "We'sh need your journal!"

Celestia's eyes swept over to me, before looking back at her sister. She then squinted, "Sister, are you drunk?"

Luna started swaying, "No! You're drunk!"

I eventually got up, and when I did, I saw two Celestias, wobbling around. I picked one of the Celestias and commanded her, "You gotta hand over da journal!"

Celestia clutched her book even more, "I-I can't. I'm sorry, Jack."

I knew it! Now, I gotta take it by force.

I tore my focus back to Luna, but found her head lowered, and her eyes shut. She was trying to sleep!

"Luna!" I yelled, waking the moon princess up. Upon hearing my voice, she started to shake her sleep away. When she was done, she searched the room until her eyes rested on me. I gestured over to Celestia, and she nodded in acknowledgement, before the two of us locked eyes back on Celestia...

She face-hooved, "You two aren't really..."

My glare intensified.

She nodded, "I see then."

Immediately after, both me and Luna charged after the sun princess, but before we could, a golden ball of light cloaked the entire room. Before any of us could reach her, she was gone. She must have teleported!

"Luna, she teleported."

...

"Luna?" I searched the bed, until I found a large, blue, furry blob laying in the bed with her head stuck in the sheets.

I tapped her, "Luna."

..."SNOOOOOOOOOOORE!"

I guess I'm on my own.

Jumping to my feet, I jolted outside of the room and fled down the stairs. After a while of drunkingly flailing down a bunch of stairs, I finally met the bottom of the tower, and opened the door. Upon leaving, I peered down the hallway.

I sniffed, "I shmell fear... she's close."

Before going anywhere, I quickly spotted a speck of gold, flash in the corner of my eye. When I turned to see what it was, it was gone.

"Hey! You get bahk here!" I hollered, instantly pursuing the golden speck.

I chased it around another the corner, before seeing exactly what it was... it was a solar unicorn guard! What was he doing?!

His head hastily swung around to look at me from behind. When he did, he squeaked before running even faster than before. That was, until he picked a door on the side of the hallway, and slid into it. Afterwards, he slammed the door shut.

With all of my brute, human strength, I tore the door back open, and rushed in.

When I entered, I noticed that I was in some kind of royal dining room; not for the guards though, it looked too showy for that. The seats were basically smaller thrones, and the table had thousands of incredible designs, just like the courtroom's door.

I immediately ignored everything though, after hearing a highly feminine, evil-laugh.

As soon as I heard it, I spun around on my shoes, only to face Celestia. She was still wearing her bath-robe, but this time, she had about twenty guards in front of her. Each guard was readily armed with what looked like sponge-cakes.

Upon seeing me, Celestia threw me a mischievous grin, "Obtaining the journal is futile, Jack. You might as well surrender now."

With full determination, I raised my head, and looked into her eyes, "I needsh dat journal!"

After the last word escaped my mouth, Celestia reacted by lifting two cakes with her magic, and keept that determined, excited smile, "Then bring it..."

"HOLD IT!"

A random voice, echoed throughout the entire dining room. Upon hearing it, everyone lowered their cakes. A few groans of disappointment could be heard among Celestia's guards. I snapped my attention towards the voice, finding a group of bat ponies enter through the door. Each one had blue armor, and was also armed with various types of cakes and cupcakes.

One of the batponies floated over to me, with a smirk stuck on her face. She winked at me, before facing the crowd, "You know, you don't have to fight alone. Also, drink this... it'll help."

I didn't even care what was in the bottle, a batpony army? I'll take all of the help I can get! Accepting her help, I clasped onto the bottle, and downed the random liquid.

The liquid rushed down my throat. However, it took a while before my brain could process the taste. The taste kept getting worse, and worse, and worse...

"Bleh!" I dropped the bottle, "What was in that stuff?" My question was never answered though, as I found all of the guards, getting into an offensive, position. They were going to attack!

Before they did though, some random pony wearing a chef's hat and apron ran through the crowd, yelling, "Have mercy!"

Both sides ignored him, and a random war-horn was blown.

"WhooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

Batpony and Unicorn alike, instantly fired cake, after cake, covering the entire dining room with frosting. Chairs and tables were promptly flipped over for cover. I saw this as an advantage, and tumbled over to get behind one of them. One batpony stood on the other side of the table-shield, next to me, and was throwing a series of cupcakes from a large platter on the ground.

Not facing me, he yelled at me as he continued firing, "Sir, Celestia's men are gaining gai- ughhhh!" A cake was smashed into his chest, forcing him to flop over. After that, he stopped moving...

I snickered, before beginning to eat the cake off of his stomach. My meal was abruptly interrupted, though, since the stomach I was eating off of, began rumbling, and the sound of laughter could be heard, "Ok! Ok! I'm out. Good luck with the war, captain!"

When he left, I knew what I had to do. I plucked a cupcake from the dish, and peeked out from behind the table, to inspect the battle. Nearly all of the guards were either laying on the floor, or walking away in defeat. The only ones left, were three solar guards, and the princess, herself.

I thought to myself, "Wow, that was a quick war. Alright, I can still do this, I just need to be stealthy." Carefully, I crawled further away, to try to get an upper-hand.

"Come on out, Jack. Defeat is inevitable." Celestia called out, rather cheerfully, might I add.

I dropped to the ground, and raised my arm, with the cupcake. At a painstakingly slow pace, I took aim, directly at one of her guards. I sucked in my gut... keeping him in my throwing sights.

I felt my heart beat, pulsing in my chest and arms. Sweat dripped down my forehead. Time seemed to slow... but this was it. This was the shot. I exhaled, before launching the cupcake directly at the unicorn.

From far away, I watched as the cupcake exploded on impact, covering the entire guard in dessert.

Celestia gasped from surprise, watching the guard made a theatrical and exaggerated death on the floor. I didn't stop there though, I rapidly threw two more cupcakes at the other guards, tagging them out.

Now, just one more... and I get the stupid journal.

I reared up another shot, and fired... but... she caught it. With magic.

She gleamed, and allowed the cupcake to drop to the floor, "No... we fight the honest way. Face-to-face."

I hesitantly stood up, moving away from cover. I was now standing directly in the open, with Celestia on the other side.

This is it... this is my last chance.

Celestia seemed to be thinking the same thing I was, "Jack, this is it. Do you think you have what it takes to beat me?"

I squeezed a ball of fluff in my hand. I would have to make it count.

"I was born ready."

Celestia hummed, levitating nearly a dozen of cakes, "Then do what you were born to do..."

The cakes reared back in the air, before each was launched at me.

I dodged the first one, and continued charging forward, with the ball of cake in my hand. Each cake made a swooshing sound close to my sides, and head, but for some reason, each one missed. Finally, I was near Celestia.

This is my chance... I thought to myself, before quickening my pace, and ran straight towards her.

That's when I was right in front of her... she had no more cakes, yet I still had one. Smirking, I gently tapped it on her nose, "Boop."

Her whole face scrunched up, but then she began laughing like crazy. So much, that she even began rolling on the floor.

She began to attempt speech, in between the laughs, "T-that hahaha was the most fun... haha, I have had in, decades!"

Eventually, she opted to just lay on her back, still a giggling mess.

Realizing the silliness of the situation, I started laughing too.

Celestia noticed me laughing, then, her face took a serious turn. She stood up to look into my eyes, "I must give you the journal, correct?"

I rubbed my eyes, "I don't even know anymore... I think I had too much wine."

She giggled, "Yes, but I feel as it is only fair. You did go to war for it, after all." Her horn lit up, and golden spirals began to flash around her horn. A drop of sweat broke from her face, before a shining, ball of light appeared in front of me.

A second passed before the magic died down... and revealed the book that she was previously clutching.

Since the magic was gone, the book also went done, and flopped onto the floor.

Not hesitating at all, I picked it up, and started to read,

My Personal Journal Regarding the Human.

Day 1: Me and Luna have finally came to terms about housing the human. As of late, there had been many revolts across Equus, because of Equestria's decisions. Even though the leaders agree with me, their civilians do not.

Regardless, I have met with Earth's union, and retrieved the human. My own spies have told me that the humans wanted to originally cheat the Raffle, and send a trained politician. I assumed Jack to be the trained politician, however, I soon became suspicious of my own thought. When the human space-boat landed, and the parade readied their music and merriment, I found Jack Harrison laying on the ground, half-dead.

We will find who did this.

Day 2: None of my guards found the pony who beat him. The pony was a spy, and was disguised as one of our very own guards.

I have sent guards to watch over Jack for his safety. He does not like them, but I refuse to leave him into the hands of assassins.

Day 3: Luna is fuming. Apparently, he has injured one of her guards, with a shoe. I wish I didn't have to jail him like this, but it is the only way.

Day 4: I just saw his... 'thing'! Now, it simply won't leave my mind! I cannot think clearly anymore. I think I'm just going to take a nap.

Then, that was it. There weren't any more entries.

When I put the book down, I found Celestia blushing, "The last entry was... not expected. I am sorry for that, but let me see the journal again, I want to finish the last log."

"Sure." I choked, before handing her the book.

She took it, and levitated over a quill, and dipped it in ink. Afterwards, she scrunched her muzzle in concentration before writing. When she was done, she smiled and levitated the paper back to me.

Day 5: After a rather long, and difficult week. I have come to realize, that Jack is a very unique human.

So far, I have only spoke to humans with their hearts guarded, and their minds clouded in formality.

It is a breath of fresh air, to have a human be himself around me. Even if he is angry at me, he admits that he is angry, and doesn't try to hide it.

I know that the circumstances have been tough, but I hope that perhaps someday, we could be friends.

"Wow... that's um..."

My thoughts drifted off, What was this? She wanted to be friends?

Celestia interrupted my thoughts, "I understand that you might still be angry at me, and that your trust has worn thin, but could we perhaps start anew? Could we build a friendship?"

I was shocked.

"A friendship?"

"Yes, is that wrong?" She frowned, hard.

I stuttered, "N-no! I mean, you were my enemy before! This is just... different."

"That is why I wish to start new. No matter your decision to accept or not, I will discuss to your leaders about your return."

I just stared, dumbly, "Sure, we could be friends."

As soon as I said that, her eyes lit up like fireworks, and she trapped me in a bone-crushing grip.

The hug was painful, but it was also kind of nice not having to hate her anymore. Maybe we could actually be friends.

She released me, and I yawned, "I'm tired, I better go hit the sack."

"Forgive me for my misunderstanding, but you wish to beat a bag?"

"No, it means that I need to sleep."

"Yes, me too. I do look forward to seeing you in the morning!" She smiled widely.

I grinned, "Yeah, I'll see you in the morning. 'Night, Princess."

"Goodnight, Jack."