"And lastly, I order you to sit here, and think about what you did. If you continue to act as a child, I will simply treat you as one."

I launched myself to the bars, "Is it so childish, to not have a guard follow me around like a puppy dog all day, and be confined in the castle?"

Here I was... in prison. Usually in a land of ponies, you would think the prison would be made of candy and the bars would be made of peppermint, but nope! Dark blocks of sandstone made up the place, with cold, sturdy, iron bars to keep me contained. It was basically a dungeon. A few torches were lined up outside, giving the entire place an eerie vibe.

Celestia turned her head around, not looking at me as she spoke, "I'm sorry Jack... but I need you to be safe. Many ponies around here, do not like the thought of a human being in Equestria."

I grasped on the bars and looked directly into her eyes, "Then let me go back to Earth!"

She sighed, "I wish I could, but you have already been chosen as the winner. It's only a year, Jack."

Yeah, a year of being blackmailed by my own country, and having to worry about ponies assassinating me.

I mock-laughed, before walking over to the stretched-out, pile of hay in my cell, "A year? Okay... actually, now that I think of it, I guess I could get used to this place! I think I'm starting to change my mind. Yes, I can see it now."

Beside my 'bed' was a bowl, filled to the brim with tap water. I faked a huge smile before lifting it up, "Wow, Princess! Is this your featured wine? How generous!"

Celestia breathed against one of the bars, "I will bring you some wine, if that's what you wish."

"No, it's fine." I propped by hands up on the hay, before moving myself to lay down and sprawling my arms out. I waited for her to leave, but she didn't. Instead, she just stood there and intently watched the floor.

"...Jack, I brought you something."

I stayed silent.

Suddenly, I felt something hard place itself into my hand. Out of curiosity, I grasped it and brought the object to my face.

It was a red book. There was no cover or anything, so I flipped it over to see the book's spine. In massive, black letters, it read, 'The Truth about our Enemies'

"I wrote that book. Other than you, my sister and my personal student, nopony has ever read it before. You can write in it if you want, I have copies."

Thanks, Princess. But I don't need a book, I need a shuttle.

I gave her a curt smile before opening it, and placing it on top of my head. Hopefully, it would provide some use, and block out the uncooperative pony.

The alicorn opened her mouth to say something, but then softly closed it. After some thought, her eyes widened with hope, "Jack, I can let you out of this prison, and allow you the freedom to roam the castle freely, however, there is a requirement."

She had my attention. I removed the book and looked at her, "What's the catch?"

"You will be required to be a maid. Of course, if you attempt to run away again, I will have no choice but to increase the amount of personal guards."

I cringed and looked up to Celestia, "Do I get a uniform?"

After the two of us agreed upon the new deal, we made it back to my old room. Several guards glared at me while I walked... but I was a free man!

Celestia opened the door, and we both walked in. I was back! With that pillow-thing still sitting there, waiting for me. Victory point for me! At least, it was a victory... until I saw the uniform sitting in the middle of the room.

"Celestia, I'm not wearing that."

She cocked her brow, "Why not? All my male maids wear it."

The thing about ponies, is that they never wear clothes. They only wear clothes for special occasions, accessories or in this case, uniforms. Her idea of a male maid's 'uniform', was the top half of a tuxedo, and a bow. No pants included!

I decided to be sarcastic, again. It always helped in situations like this, "Hmm, I feel like something is missing..."

The sun princess peered at the uniform in total speculation. After a moment of time, her eyes suddenly lit up, and she hummed, "Indeed, I know just what you are speaking of, Jack."

Her horn began to light up, and she started lifting a small piece of fabric from the floor. Smiling, she used her magic to shape it, and gently placed it into the tuxedo's pocket, effectively adding a pocket-handkerchief.

She closed her eyes and exhaled, "There..."

"Princess, I need pants."

This caused the alicorn to perk her ears up and face me, "Why would you need pants? They are uncomfortable."

"It's a human thing... can't I have a pair?"

She shook her head, and levitated the suit over to me, "Yes, but it will take a while to make one. Our seamstress isn't very experienced in making human clothing."

"Yes, but wearing pants is a part of human culture. It's considered offensive to go without."

She scrunched her muzzle in concentration, "Jack, stand still."

"Wait! If you-"

POOF!

The suit was no longer in front of me, and I suddenly felt a gentle breeze in my crotch-area. Also, the princess was now staring down at me, blushing.

I looked to see what she was looking at, before immediately covering myself with her book, "I told you to wait!"

Still in a daze, Celestia never stopped staring. Instead, she shakily spoke, "I-I need to, to do paperwork! Yes, lots, and lots and..."

She was staring again.

"Goodbye Jack."

I yelled, "No! What about my-"

POOF!!!

Stupid ponies...

Okay, new plan, get some pants.

Thinking quickly, I started scanning the room... there was no closet, but there was a desk. I bolted over to it, and threw the book on top. Afterwards, I pulled out all of the drawers, looking for anything to cover myself up with.

There was nothing!

Sqeaaaakkk "Hi Princess, I have your...."

My head swiveled to look upon a pony, holding a pair of pants in her mouth. She looked at me in raw terror.

Don't scare her... take it easy.

"Hi, my name's Jack, and-"

"MONSTER!"

As soon as that one word left her muzzle, she jolted out of the door, along with my pants.

I launched after her, running into the hallway, "Ma'am! I am not a monster, just, let's talk about this!"

"MONSTER!"

The pony fled down the maze of hallways. It was giving me a headache.

As we fled down the maze, we ran past several different ponies. Some looked really rich, seemingly nobles or foreign ambassadors, and the rest were maids and guards.

Eventually we ended up at another door. The pony leaped through the door, and slammed it in my face.

I ripped open the door, now panting, and sweating. What I saw behind the door made me almost give up... almost.Behind the door, was nothing but more spiraling stairs! Sure, let's just go back up to Celestia's room. Sounds like a fantastic idea!

The pony was already somewhere up there, but that didn't stop me from yelling, "I'm not a monster! But if you don't give me my pants, you're going to see a monster!"

As I crawled up the stairs, trying to get my stupid pants, I never noticed that the walls were getting darker in color. It looked different than Celestia's stairs. There were also miniature windows within the walls, that emitted small beams of light. It was still day outside.

Eventually, I just couldn't go on... I went slack and decided to lay there, exhausted.

If fate wanted me to be half-naked, then who am I to stop it?!

I started to fall asleep, until I felt some weird feeling on my hand. Lazily looking down, I found my hand to be covered in some type of blue magic. Naturally, I tried shaking it off, but it only covered the rest of my body. That's when I started freaking out.

The magic started engulfing my entire body, and within a second, I lost my vision. My gut turned, and I felt my entire body break down into tiny particles. It didn't hurt, but it felt unnatural, and terrifying.

Luckily, the feeling didn't last for long. My body started to form itself again, and my vision came back.

Did I just teleport?!

Looking up, I found myself face-to-face with Princess Luna. Behind her, was the maid with my pants still in her mouth.

Not thinking straight, I latched onto Luna and shouted, "PANTS!!!!!!!!"

Luna tucked her ears in pain, before shutting my mouth up with her magic, and glaring at me, "Jack, calm thyself!"

Wait, think about this Jack. Alright, this has to be the entrance for Princess Luna's chambers. But isn't it still day? She should be sleeping.

I squinted at the big blue pony in front of me, and my suspicions were immediately confirmed. She looked really, really, tired.

"Jack, we will open thy mouth, but only if thou are calm. Doth thou understand?"

I nodded.

She lit up her horn with magic. Softly, she tapped my mouth with her horn, and I automatically felt control again.

As soon as I felt control, I pointed at the maid, "She ran off with my pants."

The pony I was referring to shrieked.

Luna sighed, and turned to the maid, "Blossom, give this human his pants."

The maid stuttered, "B-but, your majesty,"

"NOW!!!"

Even though her voice wasn't directing at me, I still flinched.

The maid hesitantly crawled over to me, with my pants. When she reached me, I softly grasped the pants from the her mouth, and took it away.

She murmured something, but it was incomprehensible.

"Did you say something?"

The pony looked up to me, "I'm sorry..."

"It's alright, I needed the exercise anyway."

She giggled, but her laughter was interrupted by a loud snort.

I looked back to Luna, who was glaring at me, "If thou art both done, we must sleep." And with that, she turned around and opened her door to leave. However, that was it. She didn't leave.

Eventually she turned around to face both of us, "Please excuse us for being so rude, we turn into a different pony when we are interrupted by sleep. Jack, we have news that thou art now a maid. If so, we then request your presence during nightcourt. Is this acceptable?"

I nodded.

She weakly smiled, obviously still tired, "Tis is splendid! We fare-thee-well, then, Jack." Afterwards, she left to her chambers.

The maid shuffled her hooves, "So... you're a rookie?"

1 hour later...

Me and the maid were back in my room. I had my pants back! Finally!

Ponies are insane! Princess Celestia didn't even help at all! Oh, which reminds me, I need to get some information from her. It might be a problem though, since Blossom was already busy, telling me the five hundred rules to properly treat royalty. As much as I wanted to listen, I interrupted her.

"Then, you always leave a tiny leaf on the tea cups."

I nodded, "Okay, but I have a question."

Blossom's face beamed, "Yes?"

"About the princesses, what do they think about humans?"

The mare cocked her head in contemplation, "Well, judging how they act around you, I would say they like you."

I nodded, "Yes, but have they spoke about humanity as a while, in public?"

"Of course! We were told that you humans are another species on another planet!" She smiled proudly.

Hmm, I guess the Princesses kept their subjects in the dark.

I fake-yawned, "Ooh! I'm tried! I better rest up to get ready for night court with Luna."

"Of course, Mr. Human! I'll see you later then!" She practically bounced out of my room.

I hurried over to Celestia's book, and pulled some ink and a quill from the desk. Maybe this book would be of serious use.

I began writing in the margin,

Log 1

So far, I have not been able to find anything worth recording. The princesses have been kind to me so far, so I know that they want to make some kind of impression on me.

I will be attending Princess Luna during night court, so maybe I can get some information from there.

Harrison, out.

Author's Note

You just read an entire chapter about pants.