Anon was feeling pretty pleased with himself. He'd spent the previous day encouraging a young orange pegasus that he was going to adopt her, making her perform all kinds of stupid stunts in an attempt for her to win his favour, only to pull the metaphorical rug out from under her flightless, blank flank self at the last minute.
He'd informed her it was all a farce. A game. a scam. He'd only done it for the lulz, and her expression afterwards when her face dropped harder than if she'd tried to take off... It was fantastic. He wished he'd had a camera. And those tears, those warm, delicious salty tears. Yummy.
Some people might call him a psycho, but he didn't care. He was just wandering through life, doing what he could to amuse himself. Sure, he'd pretended to pull a few wings off parasprites, aimed his BB gun at some passing cats and even left a fake suicide note out once while he went on holiday, but it didn't matter, right? It was all in good fun...
For him, at least.
He was now lying in bed the next morning, thinking about what shenanigans he'd get up to later that day. Would he perform a mock dive onto the railway tracks just as the driver was passing? That was a good one! Would he tell his lover he'd just been to the clinic, and been diagnosed with a terminal, contagious sexual disorder? Oh, the larks!
The sun was shining, the birds were singing, the day was full of possibilities. He was about to vault out of bed, and get dressed into his Friday finest...
When suddenly, there was a knock on his bedroom door.
Now Anon, being a cool dude, still lived with his mum while he was in his mid-twenties. So, it could be only one person.
"Come in!" He shouted, wondering what the special occasion was. Usually, his female parentage would be downstairs by now, devouring her usual prune-saturated cereal to help with her bowels, and covering her face with a creepy mud mask in her never-ending (but hopeless) quest to stave off Father Time.
The door creaked open, and in stepped Mrs Anon, who fortunately didn't look like a refugee from the Black Lagoon. Instead, she wore a gleaming, happy smile on her face, and carried a tray of bacon, egg, toast, jam, coffee, as well as other such breakfast related goodies.
Anon's reaction to seeing the old woman turned from surprise to delight, as he inched his way up from under the covers to ask her "Are those for me?"
"They sure are!" she replied in a sweet, honey-glazed voice. "Look, I've got all of your favourites here. A full fry up. Toast spread thickly with strawberry produce. A steaming hot beverage. I even bought the paper upstairs..." She deposited the tray on his lap carefully, before opening up the tribune for his perusal.
Wow, she really does dote on me, Anon thought smugly to himself, as he prepared for a meal he wouldn't forget. She must not have found out about that trick I played with the Lonely Hearts advert of hers' I replied to a while back, and the months of fake dates and meeting places I strung her around with for months. Seeing her teary eyes every evening when she returned, thinking she'd been stood up... Good times, good times.
His joyful recollection though, was shattered the moment the paper in front of him was unfurled, and he saw what was featured on the front page.
CRUEL INDIVIDUAL PRETENDS TO ADOPT DISABLED FILLY, THEN DASHES HER HOPES AT THE LAST MINUTE' the text shouted. TRIES TO MAKE HER FLY, KISS HIS FEET, DO LASSO TRICKS FOR HIS OWN SICK PLEASURE it screamed. ORPHAN COMFORTED BY LOCAL HERO RAINBOW DASH, SAYS SHE'LL SMASH HIS FACE IN...
Despite his general horror at his twisted nature being exposed in this way, Anon had to smirk at the thought that anypony with a frilly name like 'Rainbow Dash' could beat him to a pulp. He was about to say as much to his mother, when all of a sudden...
FLIP! BANG! SPLASH! OUCH!
That was the sound of a breakfast tray being turned over by Mrs Anon, and a whole host of edibles covering him. The bacon went on his pyjamas. The egg got in his hair. The toast and jam smeared his smug face. And the boiling coffee...
Spilled right onto the ol' crown jewels.
HOT! HOT! HOT!
Those had to be at least third... No, second degree burns he'd acquired, right on his meat and two veg. Needless to say, the poor chap jumped up and started bouncing off the walls like a lunatic, while an intractable mother stood there with her arms crossed, looking unsympathetically at her unholy progeny.
"Do I really have to say anything?" She stated calmly, but with real venom. "I thought that stunt you pulled with my love-life was bad enough but this... Playing with an innocent child's emotions, is shocking even for you. And, considering some of the abhorrent acts you've been culpable of in the past, that's saying something. It was also the final straw. Pack your stuff, and get out. I don't know if you have anywhere to stay, nor do I care. All I do know is that I don't even want to look at you right now. Oh and please keep the screaming to a minimum. We don't want to disturb the neighbours, do we?"
She exited the room with a loud humph, leaving Anon to pick up the pieces of his wounded pride, and well as run off to the bathroom to strip off his food-covered clothes, and pour cold water over his reddened genitals.
Ah, now that's better... He thought, trying to regain some semblance of control. That old hag. She's got no sense of humour, never had. That tabloid completely misrepresented what happened. It wasn't that bad, was just 'aving a laugh. Who needs to stay in this crappy little two bedroom semi, anyway? I've been looking for an excuse to move out for a while. This gives me the perfect excuse. I'll ring my girlfriend, and tell her the good news.
Anon returned to his room and retrieved his mobile phone, which fortunately hadn't been on his person during the whole breakfast explosion. Dialing the number of his girl, he imagined the squeals of joy he was going to get on the other end when he'd informed her of his new address e.g her house.
RING RING... After two seconds, she picked up. That was fast. She must really love me. Still, can't say that I blame her...
"Hello." "It's me babe." "Oh, is it." "Listen, I've run into a few problems at home, and I was wondering if I could stay with you for a few years." "Pardon?" "I gotcha, babe! This is the day you've been waiting for. I'm ready to ditch the bitch and move in with the love of my life forever." "Really? And who would that be then?" "Oh babe, you're such a tease! It's you, of course. Get ready, because daddy will be coming in for landing later today..." "Funny you should mention 'daddy', because my parents have been in touch about a certain news story that's been doing the rounds today..."
OH S***...
"Apparently, some total sicko has been torturing the hopes and dreams of a small filly, possibly causing her to lose her trust in adults forever. If I was horrified enough when I heard about what happened, you can imagine how mortified I was when I discovered the culprit was none other than the so-called 'love of my life'. My mother and father told me, in no uncertain terms, that if I kept on seeing that monster, then they'd disinherit me on the spot. I informed them that threats were not necessary, as I was planning to kick you to the curb anyway. I mean, how could I love anyone who could be so... Evil?"
"Babe, please. You can't do this to me. You know your parents have never liked me. They're just using this as an excuse to get you to dump me. You're the best thing to ever happen to me..."
"Me, me, me, eh? Nope, you're the worst thing that's ever happened to me. All this time, I defended you in front of them, and my friends. About how they'd misjudged you, that you could change, that I saw signs of a good person underneath that cruel, twisted demeanor. Well, guess what? They were right, and I was wrong. And, you're gone. Speaking of friends... Your best one is here. We've been hard at work in the bedroom all morning, and I suppose we could do with a break. You called at just the right time. I'll put him on for a second. I think he's got something to tell you too..."
What? Not him. Surely not him. My bestest buddy in the entire world. The first pal I ever made. The guy I attended every class with. The one who's stuck with me, through thick and thin. The chap I even swore a blood oath with. Please say it isn't...
"Hi there, Anon. Just to let you know, you suck and I never want to see you again. Oh, and your ex-girlfriend gives fantastic head. See you around, dude. Or rather, I hope not." (off phone) "Now darling, I think our little break is over. This time, I'll be the master and you'll be the slave. Now, where did you put that hood"...BEEP. Call over.
Anon could hardly even breathe. His relationships. His plans for the future. His entire life. All crumbling before his eyes, because of one tiny little deplorable act of sadism. What are the chances, eh?
At this point, some others might have been philosophical about Anon's predicament. They might take stock of their existence, realised where they went wrong and tried to make amends. This would be a whole new start for them, an opportunity to erase who they were before and forge a new, more hopeful path into the light...
Not Anon, though. He simply threw his phone on the bed, and went to headbutt the drywall repeatedly "WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY..."
"Hey..." An irate voice sounded from downstairs. "I told you not to disturb the neighbours! I also said to pack up and go! I'll give you ten more minutes to get your s*** together, or you'll be out on your ear, anyway. Ready or not. If I haven't seen the back of you by then, I'm sure a few of the bigger fellas around here that have read about your antics will be more than happy to remove you from the property, themselves. And they'll have my complete blessing. So, shake a leg."
Ha, she's bluffing. She'd never do that to her pride and...
"And if you think I'm bluffing, you just hang around and find out. Personally, I wouldn't take the risk."
Uh-oh.
.................................................................................................................
And so, it was like that all day for Anon. He was barely able to escape the house during the allotted time with a half decent outfit, and he didn't even have any shoes on. Not soon after he'd left, he heard from his boss that he'd lost his dream job, due to the 'bad publicity' it would generate if they kept him on. Other calls soon followed... Long lost relations that he hadn't heard from in years told him he was disowned... Casual acquiescences let him know there was no way he was crashing with them... Even the bank foreclosed his savings account because the manager quote: 'Hated his guts'.
We join him again now hours later, homeless, penniless and unloved, sitting in a gutter at night, during a heavy rainfall. He's in constant pain due to his sore feet, the scars on his privates left from the coffee burns and the random attacks by ponies who recognised him from the feature length article. He's been pelted from rotten fruit by an angry farmer, blasted with magic by an irate alicorn and bashed repeatedly over the head with a bag full of letters by a mad mailmare. Ouch, indeed.
And despite all of these awful things happening to him, he still didn't see what all the fuss was about. Sure, he upset the little blighter, but that doesn't mean he deserved to be treated like some kind of villain. He was hardly King Sombra, or Chrysalis for instance. These ponies simply didn't understand his brilliant wit. It was all the fault of that flightless orange runt that he was in this mess. If he ever saw her again...
"Hey..". A strangely familiar voice piped up close to his bedraggled form.
Anon lifted up his bowed head for a moment, to stare at the small filly in front of him.
Yes, it was her. The bane of his existence. The one who'd ruined his life. The child responsible for everything bad that had happened...
"You!" Anon growled, about to launch himself at the child.
"Wait!" She thrust her umbrella to stop him, just as he was mere inches from her.
"What?" He shouted, about to pummel the brat into submission.
"I want to adopt you." She said, with a completely straight face.
"Huh?" This shocked Anon so much, he put his fists away, and sat down in the middle of a puddle.
"What I mean to say is..." Scootaloo said, for now Anon remembered her name from the paper. "I feel kinda bad for what happened to you since that story got out. I know you were just playing around, and you don't deserve all this hate. To make up for it, I'm going to let you stay with me in the orphanage. Sure, it's not the nicest of places, but it sure beats living out here, freezing your tail off! Then, later on I'll talk with your mother, get your girlfriend to forgive you, try to restore your job, and tell everyone else that it was just a big misunderstanding! How does that sound?"
Unsure of how the orange pegasus knew about all the events of the day, Anon was nevertheless thrilled beyond measure. "D'ya really mean that?" He grinned from ear to ear, a single tear falling down his rosy cheek.
Scootaloo smiled back, but a few seconds later slowly let her expression dip to a frown. "No, I don't. How gullible exactly, are you?"
And at this point, Anon felt a massive expanse of water fall on him. It was like someone had emptied an entire raincloud full of moisture on his ailing head. Drenched to the bone, his teeth chattering uncontrollably, and thoroughly disheartened by what he'd just heard, he asked the vengeful pegasus in front of him "Fine, you win. You got me good. Is that it? Are you happy now?"
Her frown turning into a sinister smirk, Scootaloo replied simply. "Not quite..."
All of a sudden, Anon heard a WHOOSH, and saw a conglomerate of colours approaching him at a record speed...
You see, his earlier assumption that somepony with the name 'Rainbow Dash' would be a softie was wrong.
Dead wrong. As he was about to find out.
DOUBLE RAINBOOM KICK!!
Author's Note
Just written on a slight whim. Hope you enjoyed 
