Law of Excession: Tales of the Conversion Bureau Under An Alien Sun's Light

by The Monoceros

Rating: teen
Tags: Anthology, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Alternate Universe, Human
Length: 1293

Sunlight. It provides warmth, nourishment, energy, and light. But there is such a thing as too much sunlight. And TCB!Equestria is about to finally experience real life Under An Alien Sun.

The Conversion Bureaus. They exist throughout existence. They shouldn't, yet they do. A cancer wrecking havoc across reality. But, much like time, the multiverse is a living thing. To travel through it is to rip and tear at it. Hurting it. All organisms have a "fight or flight" response. However, the multiverse is incapable of fleeing, it can only cower in fear. However, all parallel universes are different. There is a "flow" within the time-space continuum. Fluctuations in nth-dimensional thermodynamics. And, because of unforeseen variables and recent errors in the calculation of quantum metaphysics, the multiverse can at last fight back.
These are some tales of how Equestrian Conversion Bureaucracies experience the true, ultimate consequences of the Law of Excession Under An Alien Sun: they must face an Outside-Context Problem.

This is a Twilight Zone-esque take on MLP:FiM fanfiction "The Conversion Bureau" sub-genre.

Published 2016-04-03 21:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2016-07-18 23:05:22 UTC

The Ocean

Look upon this vast expanse of water.  Do you see it?  The pink bubble in the distance?  That over there is the magical land of Equestria.  It is inhabited by sapient, talking, pastel ponies—as well as some other creatures—that look as though they were ripped right out of a children's cartoon.    Why are they here?  Well, the reason that they have transported themselves from their universe to our own was because of their purposeful agenda of mutating, brainwashing, and enslaving humanity that is part of a plan for what is obviously multiversal conquest,  though it is barely hidden behind the paper-thin excuse of desiring to save humanity from itself.

It has now been three days since Equestria has materialized on Earth—yet strangely it hasn't been noticed by humanity.  Its diarchs are understandably very confused about this fact.  They are about to gather a meeting to collectively theorize the reason for Equestria's continued lack of notice.  An answer that can only be revealed, once they finally understand the consequences of their decision to live Under An Alien Sun.

Everpony both gathered and assembled into the throne room.  Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Rarity, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Twilight Sparkle, Captain Spitfire, Shining Armor, Princess Cadence, Princess Luna, and Princess Celestia all waited until the Royal Guards left the room.

Celestia opened her mouth and began, "My little ponies, I have called this meeting because—"

"All I want to know is why those humans haven't noticed us yet!" Rainbow Dash interjected with her typical brashness.

"Rainbow Dash, that is exactly why we are meeting in this room right now.  To discuss some possible explanations as to why there has been no so-called 'first contact' between us and humanity of any kind what-so-ever," Celestia scolded gently.

"Oh. Oops, sorry, my bad," the cerulean pegasus said in embarrassment.

Pinkie walked over to Rainbow Dash, gave her a hug, and whispered, "It's okay Rainbow, everypony makes mistakes!"

Celestia quickly reclaimed everypony's attention by clearing her throat, "Now then, because we can skip the introductions, I'd like Twilight to list some of the theories that she came up with in order to find a way to explain the reason why we are invisible to the humans."

Twilight stood up and said, "Thank you Princess.  Now then everypony, I believe that it is possible that, because the flow of time can potentially be very different in alternative universes, Equestria may have materialized in either the distant past—back when the surface of the planet Earth was covered entirely by water—or in a possible future in which there was an apocalyptic cataclysm that destroyed all civilization, even sinking entire continents into the ocean, resulting in . . . well . . . a planet almost entirely covered by water."

Twilight then sat down awkwardly while saying, "And well that's basically it everypony."

The room was silent for a very, very, very long time.

"I believe that we had better get to work, searching for islands, the mainland, possibly underwater cities, and the like, searching for humanity—that is, if humanity even is out there at all," Princess Luna said softly, "Are there any comment, alternatives, suggestions, or objections?"

There were none of any sort what-so-ever.

"Then I doth believe that this meeting is adjourned."

+++  +++  +++  +++  +++  +++  +++

Two months have passed.  Pegasi teams have searched far and wide.  So have hot air balloons.  Ships have been built.  Ships have sailed.  Pegasi teams, hot air balloons, and ships have returned.  All have returned empty-hooved.  All have returned with the exact same report, "We haven't found any hint of any human presence what-so-ever.  In fact, we haven't found any islands either.  And there isn't any sign of the mainland in sight for miles!"

Everypony is scared, nervous, and confused.  Especially the Princesses and the Elements of Harmony.

Going through their minds was the exact same question, "What, just what, in sweet Faust's holy name is going on here!?"

But even still, they all somehow knew—they just knew—that there was a vital missing piece to the puzzle.  Just one single clue that would explain everything.  But would it do away with the sheer wrongness of their situation, or would the wrongness be exacerbated?  Only time can and will tell.

+++  +++  +++  +++  +++  +++  +++

Ponies have started to panic in the streets after the discovery that the sun, the moon, the clouds, and even the sky itself are so much further above the Earth than Equestria that the Princesses can't even establish contact with the heavenly bodies.

The rioting became even worse after it rained.  The raindrops were so disproportionately huge that the caused massive flooding and destruction of property.  The Equestrian coastlines had been so greatly ravaged by tidal waves that they were rendered completely uninhabitable.

Cloudsdale was also destroyed.  It was torn apart by the storm's onslaught.

Oddly however, all damage was caused by rainwater.  There was no wind.  And all lightning was so far away that almost nopony even noticed any lightning what-so-ever.

+++  +++  +++  +++  +++  +++  +++

Repair teams have completely given up.  Instead, shelters are being built.  There are rumors that the Pegasi are going to attempt to stronghoof the Princesses into leaving the human world and return to Equestria's native dimension by declaring their independence.

+++  +++  +++  +++  +++  +++  +++

There have recently been accusations that the Princesses have transported Equestria to the wrong universe.  Ponies have been cursing the names of the Princesses for displacing all of Equestria into what they now believe is actually a barren and hostile reality in which everypony's chances of survival are 0.00%, despite the Princesses announcing that they are scrying this dimension, and that they have already detected strong signs of multiple human presences.

These announcements have been met with disgust, slander, and further accusations of what many ponies see as the ineptitude of the Princesses.

+++  +++  +++  +++  +++  +++  +++

"Everypony calm down!" Twilight shouted.

"But Twilight," Fluttershy said, "Look around, the ocean appears to be drying."

Twilight sighed, "Look girls, I know that nothing is making any sense at all.  But we can't lose our heads! We have to keep our cool if we're ever going to figure out what's going on with this universe. We have to face this insanity with rationality and reason. Do you understand?"

They all nodded.

Rarity stepped forward and said, "Thank you for explaining this to us darling."

Twilight opened her mouth to give her friends her heartfelt thanks when Applejack screamed, "What in tarnation is THAT!"

Everypony looked to where she was pointing, and saw a giant dark shape looming over all of Equestria.  It was so big that it blotted out most of the sky.  And it gradually, slowly but surely, lowered itself onto Equstria . . . and . . . it came crashing down on them all, crushing the continent with one big CRUNCH!

***  ***  ***  ***  ***  ***  ***

Craig Bradley stopped jogging, took out his earbuds, and looked around.

"Did I step in something?" he wondered out loud.

He walked over to a park-bench, sat down, and looked at the sole of his sneaker.  He made a face at the sight and thought, "Ugh! Mom will ground me forever if I bring mud inside again. Wait, scratch that, she'll murder me if she finds out that I've ruined another pair of brand-new shoes!"

And with that, Craig banged his sneaker against a convenient nearby lamppost, put it back one, dragged is foot across the sidewalk to scrap away any remaining bits, put his earbuds back in his ears, and continued jogging.

It was indeed a miscalculation in space-time, but it was in the nature of space rather than time.  It was not an ocean, it was a puddle.  The ponies weren't noticed by humanity because they were to small to be picked up on radar.  They had become a miniaturized race of could've been conquerors living on a shrunken island in the middle of small puddle.  Such an event could only occur when ponies decide to force themselves upon humanity, when Equestrians make the foolish and arrogant choice of living Under An Alien Sun.

The Midnight Hour (Revamped)

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