Ya know what’s worse than waking up when you don’t want to? Waking up when you don’t want to after being drugged to sleep. It feels like utter crap! I should know as that’s how I felt when I finally came to after those… things attacked me. They looked like tiny horses, but horses aren’t supposed to be tiny. And they’re not colorful. And they especially don’t talk!

“Just what kind of hellhole have I wound up in?” I asked myself as I pushed myself into a sitting position, rubbing my aching head. The ground was really hard, and cold. Felt like that time Simon and I fell asleep in the hangar that the people of Litner had taken. What was it they called the stuff? Concrete? Wait, I was outside before, why would there be concrete outside?

I looked up to find there was a stone roof over my head. Hated it instantly. I wasn’t outside anymore, that was for sure and… Oh hell no! Just a little ways from me was a set of metal bars that prevented me from leaving my cell. I was in a freaking cell! No one puts the Mighty Kamina in a cell!

I stood up on my feet where I realized another problem… “Where the hell are my pants‽” Now I may not be a man for shirts, but pants were a necessity! Gotta keep those manly jewels nice and safe. Now, where did they go?

Looking out of the cell was kinda hard. The place was so dark, just some light off to the side but not much. I think I could make out a desk at the other end of the room and maybe some other stuff but nothing solid.

“Damn. From bad to worse. But I can’t just sit by when they could be looking for me out there! Now, how to get out of the hellhole?” I started by pulling on the bars really hard. Unfortunately, they didn’t budge in the slightest. Oh, but that didn’t stop me! I tried each and every corner of that damn room and… nothing. Not a single stone moved or gave way to get me out. Once again, I was stuck under a ceiling.

“This blows,” I sighed, having given up for the time being. I sunk down on my rear at the back of the cell with my arms crossed over my chest. I closed my eyes and waited, thinking plan after plan to get me free and back on my way.

It was sometime before there was finally something happening. Turns out that little bit of light was actually from a doorway which i found out when one of those weird horses came through. It was that red one that had captured me and I couldn’t help myself from glaring at him from cell. Even as he approached, I didn’t let up.

The red thing chuckled at me with a leer. “Got sum spunk in ya, I see. Well, we’ll whip that outta ya before puttin’ ya on the market.” He slammed his hoof on the bars, probably an attempt to spook me, but my attention was driven at something else.

And that, was pure, unadulterated rage.

That asshole thought he could turn me into some… slave‽ Like hell that was gonna happen! I didn’t let it show in my face, but I was burning with fury at that moment. I slowly got to my feet and moved towards the bars, a passive look on my face.

He just chuckled more at me. “Don’t scare too easily? Don’t worry to much ‘bout that. We’ll put the fear of Nightmare Moon in ya yet!” He let out a hearty chuckle just as I got to the bars.

I dropped down to his height, grabbing hold of two bars in my hands. I looked him right in the eye, my furious spirit washing over his. “Listen to me, you fuzzball. No matter how this looks to you, I’m not going down without a fight. And when I’m done with you, you’re gonna be begging for me to end your pathetic life, ya got me?” Then I grinned; a wild, manic smile that would show that s.o.b. I wasn’t fooling around.

The bastard looked like he was about to piss himself as his pupils shrank, backing away slowly. “Wh-wha… That’s… that’s not possible.” He shook his head a little and began to glare at me. “You rotten lil’ varmint! I’ll show ya what fer!” The horse thing ran over to the now-confirmed-to-be desk and lifted up a key with his hoof… I was too angry to question it. He rushed back over to the cell and unlocked the door, using himself to block the exit. “Fer that lil’ stunt, yer gunna be gettin’ yer first les-”

I didn’t let him finish, slamming my left hook into his jaw. The bastard went rolling head over hooves towards the desk, his head slamming into it. As he groaned, I walked out of the cell towards him. Rubbing his head, he looked up at me with a mixture of fear and hatred, and, I’ll be honest, I relished in it. Just looked so right on the bastard. With a snarl, he lunged at me, but I was out of the way and flanking him before he realized it. I grabbed the scruff of his neck and, with a mighty toss of manliness, I chucked his butt into “my” cell. The bastard slammed right into the back wall. I walked right up to the door and slammed it shut, locking him in there.

“We’ll see how you like it, ya s.o.b.,” I told him, tossing the key away to who-knows-where. “No man belongs in a cage, nor do they belong to any other man. Scum like you make me sick.” I turned and decided to rifle through the desk and I hit the jackpot! Two times over!

The first was my clothes were right there on the desk! They were even folded, how nice. I got to throwing them on as fast as I could. And… there we go! Decked out in my dark brown pants, held up with my white double belt, and sandals on my feet once again. And what made the score better? In another drawer was… a bag full of gold coins! I hit the freaking jackpot with that find! I grabbed the bag with a grin plastered on my face and tied it to my belt, patting it so I wouldn’t lose it.

With that all set, I marched up the stairs a free man…

Or so I hoped.

“Stop wight there, you scwewy hooman!” Dammit, forgot there were two of them. That one with the funny hat was holding a bow and arrow at… me… It has a horn. That ol… I’m just gonna call it green. That green horse thing has a horn on its freaking head! Not only that, but it was glowing and holding that bow and arrow in the air! It was both cool and deadly! Speaking of which…

“Woah!” I yelped shouted like a man as an arrow can flying at me, moving out the way just in time. And like that, it was on! One after another, the weird talking pony kept firing arrows at me while I kept moving out of the way before they could cut into me. Until one was a little too fast and it cut my shoulder as it passed. The sudden spike of pain made me trip and bowl over into a wall.

As I rubbed my head from returning headache, something fell from a shelf above my head. I yelped that time as a spear nearly pierced into my manliness. Wait… a spear! I reached for the weapon before I heard the sound of a bow being pulled. I looked up to see that green pony not all that far from me with an arrow pointed right at me head.

“No where to run, hooman. Your goose is cooked!” Wow is his laugh weirdly hilarious.

Well, this looked like the end. Arrow at my chest and slavery down the road, I guessed this was gonna be the end of the Mighty Kamina…

AS IF!

“JUST WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM‽” I shouted, my words stunning the pony so bad he backed away in fear of my mighty, manly power! I wrenched spear out of the floor and slammed the staff part into the side of the horse’s head. He staggered again, so I went with the old trick of putting my foot in his face! That mighty kick knocked the slaving monster back into the far wall where we was out like a light.

I grinned at my successful beat down, looking at the weapon in my hand. “Well, you ain’t no sword, but you’ll do.” Now that the commotion had died down, I was finally able to hear a tip tapping on the house I was in and looked out to see that it was raining. “How fitting,” I grinned, moving over to the bow the horse had dropped.

It was a little small for me, but I figured it would do too. They might not even have gunmen out here so I was gonna need to have what I could find in my corner. With those two guys out, I decided to raid the house a little and I think it turned out rather okay. I had my spear and bow of course, but I was also able to find a few small knives around. Not really the best to fight with but they could make some good throwing weapons. The quiver had about ten or so arrows left in it, and only half the arrows he shout at me were still in usable condition; still, it was something. I found a few more of those gold coins, some of those fruity things (apples I think Yoko called them), and what I really liked: a cloak! It wasn’t as epic as my cape, but man, did I look cool as hell wearing it. The deep red material really suited me and of course I kept the hood down at parted down the middle so it looked like a cape.

So, now I was decked out in cool gear and boasting some nice ass weapon, oh and rich! Can’t forget rich. Yep, I figured it was time to get back to my journey. I’ve got friends and a bro to find after all. I went to the door and closed it behind me.

“THE MIGHTY KAMINA, LEADER OF TEAM DAI GURREN, IS OFF ON ANOTHER ADVENTURE TO PIERCE THE HEAVENS!” I shouted amazingly and took my first step away from the cabin and off into a new world.

Author's Note

New one already! Gotta get that manliness pumping!