A Song of Trixie and Twilight
Pinkie Pie took to the stage that Trixie had set up for her, complete with the giant red lollipop, the stars and blue planet, and the wicked sick purple rocket.
"Ahem," Pinkie Pie cleared her throat. The lights went dark, except for her, the mic, and her sick stunner shades. "I will now sing you a poem I wrote, about one of my good friends and the pony who lent me this stage. Give me some flashing lights, Countess Coluratura."
The pony ex-diva obliged, and the stage Pinkie stood on erupted into color.
"Trixie and Twilight,
more than just good friends
saving the world one spell at a time!"
Trixie was in shock, and Twilight's mouth gaped open.
"Light blue and violet
true love does not end,
making sweet love as partners in crime!"
She then turned off her sing song voice and activated her rap talents. It was much like the impressive bit she did for Rainbow Dash and the Wonderbolts, but better.
"Trixie and Twilight!
Really really tight!
In more than just one way
that's mothabuckin' right!
Playing with their toys,
playing with each other!
Making room for three with Applejack's brother!
Pinkie finished her song breathing heavily in an impressive two-legged pose, the same one that she did for Evil Enchantress.
"Pinkie!" Twilight yelled.
"What?" Pinkie replied. "It was great, wasn't it? Don't ask me how I figured out the details. It's a Pinkie Sense."
"No, Pinkie!" Twilight said. "None of that is true! How could you say all that?"
"What do you mean it's not true? Of course it's true! My Pinkie Sense was telling me something super sneaky was happening the library two nights ago on the Summer Solstice, so I came by and heard you and - oh, nevermind," Pinkie said.
"First," Twilight said. "I would NOT play with Trixie. She doesn't even have any good toys besides that stupid wand of her's!"
"Burn!" said Rainbow Dash.
"The Great and Powerful Trixie is not annoyed when an inferior talent insults her wand," Trixie said, in the most Trixie-like voice possible. "Nor will she give any comment as to the veracity of Pinkie Pie's poem."
"Second," Twilight said, "that's no way to write a romance, even though that was the theme of this Tasteless Poetry Jam. You've got to make it more about personalities than just about playing with toys as if they were some school fillies! Love is about the sublime combination of two personalities, that gives birth to something new - like the mixture of an acid and base."
"Acid and bass?" Pinkie Pie said. "Is that when Vinyl Scratch takes too much peyote in the morning and produces some of his super duper awesome super duper colorful soundtracks?"
Twilight shook her head. "Give me the mic, Pinkie. This alicorn will show you how it's done."
A Song of Trixie and Twilight
Lunestia - by Twilight Sparkle
"Ahem," Twilight Sparkle said into the mic.
"You have to wear the shades," Pinkie said helpfully.
"Oh, right," Twilight Sparkle said, helped. "Let me try that again."
"Ahemmmmmmmmmm!" Twilight Sparkle said into the mic, shades on. A magic beet dropped from the tip of her horn and sprouted into a magic beetstalk. She broke into her beautiful singing voice.
The melody came out soft and haunting, like Clover's Aeternal Elegy No. 7.
"By day, the Sun rides through the sky
her golden chariot looks on,
alone she walks at morning rise,
alone she leaves when evening comes.
The star of hope, she travels on,
and with her, few can hold their own.
And Sun, for all her warmth and cheer,
will sometimes feel she's all alone.
At night the Moon takes to the air,
some nights half full, and incomplete,
the lunar visage of a mare,
against the night sky, star-replete.
The Moon sees Sister Sun alone,
and dark, her heartstrings' lullaby.
For incomplete herself, she knows
the Sun can make her full at night.
One day the moon chose not to rise,
and sought her sister sun.
And Twili- er, Luna, I mean, and Celestia,
that night became as one.
Their wondrous moans of ecstasy
of blissful, endless harmony,
sang through the night, like Fluttershy's song,
and healed the world of all it's wrongs.
More beautiful than friendship and
more strong than Shining Armor's love:
the joining of two Princesses
who guide the sun and moon above.
For who can sister alicorns
romance and call their peers?
No other in Equestria,
except for Twilight here."
Twilight finished, her face flushed red with pleasure.
"And that," she said, "is how you write a romance. Iambic meter most of the way through, with just a few hiccups that I have yet to iron out. Everypony, I hope you're taking notes. I've been saving that one for years."
"Are you kidding?" Rainbow Dash said. "That was even more full of cliches than my Daring Do fan fiction, which I guess just means it has more than zero. Anyways, what was that? There wasn't any clear theme, any defining personality traits assigned to Luna or Celestia! You have to make them awesome for ponies to want to hear it."
"I can't say that was too impressive Twi," Applejack said. "Where were the apples in that poem? At least Pinkie Pie's song had a cherry."
Rarity pitched in. "Twilight dear, what would happen if the sun and moon did... the thing? Wouldn't that positively mess up the day and night cycles?"
"Oh," Twilight said. "You're right. That bit on the night cycles *is* pretty important. I guess I have to go and make sure everything is scientifically accurate!"
"Eeyup," said Big Mac.
"Trixie is unimpressed," Trixie declared. "Even in the haydays of our romance, the Great and Powerful Trixie has always known that Twilight Sparkle's powers in poetry are fraudulent. I can do better."
A positively menacing smile emerged on Twilight Sparkle's face.
"What?" Trixie said.
"Well," Twilight said, dangerous grin still dangerous, "Why don't you show everypony here what you got? Let's hope it's not as embarrassing as the last two times, or your performance with me two nights ago."
"Oh, the Great and Powerful Trixie will show you what she's got," Trixie said. "It will be so grand that it will send you all back to poetry kindergarten. Get ready, Twilight Sparkle and company, for the grandest feat of Tasteless Poetry you foals will ever see. Trixie can only hope your pathetic little brains are big enough to comprehend its true wonder."
To be continued....
