prologue: Forever alone, forever hated
Prolouge: Forever alone, forever hated.
There used to be a time when I wasn't shy like this.
A time when life for me didn't seem like a dark, joyless abyss.
You ask me, why are you shy like this Fluttershy?
Why do you almost never smile and often bitterly cry?
Read on if you will, and I will tell you why.
The reason why I speak so little, and became so reclusive and shy.
The past
It was my first day at school, I was hopeful that everything would go well.
Up to that day, my life for the most part, had been swell.
I had a happy life, and a kind caring mum and dad.
They were never cross with me, and never got mad.
Though I had never made many friends in life, I was hopeful to make some at school.
I was optimistic someone would think I was cool.
That was when I saw him standing there in the corridor.
I walked to him to ask for directions to a classroom I had never been to before.
I did my best to be polite, and to make my tone formal.
Yet it was from that day on that my life would never again be normal.
He ignored my question, and introduced himself as "Rainbow Dash ,the dashing".
And when I told he my name and asked him if I could be his friend, little did I know I was in for a thrashing.
He began to laugh at me, after telling me my name was stupid and made me sound like a sucker.
He told me that it was clear to him,my parents were fuckers.
Soon two other bullies, both of them older and taller than me, came out of nowhere and began to laugh at me as well.
And soon, just about every student in my school joined in, and from that moment on my life became a living hell.
Rainbow dash "Dashie" ,the dasher.
Since the day I saw him, he loathed me and put me through hell.
Don't ask me what kind of horrible things him and his friends did to me, I'll never tell.
His name was Rainbow Dash, he called himself the dasher.
Since the day he met me ,he became my tormentor, my fear, my lasher and skull basher.
He was selfish, and had two equally as selfish friends, one of them with red hair called Sunlight Shimmer.
The other, with purple hair, called herself the "beautiful" Starlight Glimmer.
He had other evil friends too, other members of his gang, he called them "his cronies"and "his goons".
One that particularly frightened me went by the name of "nightmare moon".
Yet only I knew how evil he really was, to everyone else he was the greatest person alive.
Everyone who saw him gave them all their admiration and showered him in high fives.
He acted cool towards the other kids to maintain respect and to look cool.
But he embarrassed me in front of everyone and made me look like completely useless and uncool.
He could treat me any way he liked, no one gave a damn.
He followed me wherever I went, he and his gang, I could not simply take it on the lam.
I tried to tell my parents, but it turned out they had gotten a new job working far away.
And when the teachers refused to listen, there was no one to keep Rainbow Dash and his cronies at bay.
Several times, Rainbow Dash made blood gush out of my nose.
And slashed my face until blood gushed from it like water out of a garden hose.
He liked to make red water come out of me, he told me one day.
He seemed to think that because I had no one to turn to, abusing me for fun was perfectly okay.
He called me horrible things and wrote horrible things about me by spraying graffiti onto the walls.
The message "Fluttershite is a fucker" was soon sprayed on the walls of the toilets, the corridors and even the school hall.
Sad.
No one wanted to talk to me, they seemed to think I was bad luck.
And so it was in a state of loneliness and great grief and depression that I was constantly stuck.
Rainbow Dash told his gang to "take care" of anyone caught talking to the outcast.
And in this way, in terms of popularity among the other students, I would always be the unlucky last.
My only friends were the poor little animals I managed to find and rescue, they were the only company I had in my miserable life.
But all too soon, Rainbow Dash and his gang "the Capone mob" found my friends, they killed them all and gave me even more strife.
My animal friends were the only company I had, the only ones I could say were "my friends".
But Rainbow Dash killed them, knowing that me seeing them die would leave me with a deep scar that would likely never mend.
People who passed by me each day would ignore me, as if I didn't exist and as if I meant nothing and was not worth their attention.
And as if that wasn't enough, Rainbow Dash often framed me for things I didn't do and often put me in detention.
He called it "substitution"he would do something awful like graffiti on the walls, and force me to take the blame.
He was a devious devil who specialized in getting innocent people framed.
I often wondered if I should just kill myself, I felt I really had no reason to live, no reason not to die.
I could not help myself, each and every night, the moment I got home I would begin to uncontrollably cry.
And sometimes, when I felt particularly bad, I would impale my finger through a nail on the wall as hard as I could and begin to shout.
"I like it when the red water comes out".
Every time I went to sleep, I would wake up sweating all over, looking more dead than alive.
I went to school each day, wondering whether or not I would even survive.
How long had I been at this school for since the day I came here?.
It might well have only been a few weeks, but it seemed like several years.
Saint valentine's day massacre.
Two weeks before valentine's day was due, I received a letter from my long absent mum which made me smile.
They would come back home and spend valentine's day with me, they promised me presents too, a huge pile.
For those two weeks, even though I was still bullied, I stopped hearing voices in my head.
And for those two blissful weeks, my eyes were no longer soggy and red.
But I came home that day with a pep in my step, and found a nasty surprise.
My loving parents had finally come home to see me, we were finally together once more, but it came at a horrible price.
Mum lay in her chair, her face was a mask of terror and a giant knife protruded from a gaping wound in her chest.
My father sat there smiling at me through emotionless eyes, trying to cheer me up even though his condition was not the best.
Blood gushed from several wounds in his lifeless corpse, it was clear he had been stabbed many times by some sort of knife.
Yet even in death, his smile was almost as reassuring and comforting as it had been in his life.
He sat there smiling at me, trying to tell me he loved me and that he missed me, his silence said more than words ever could.
And as I sat there, I could not help but think that god was punishing me for not doing something I should.
I could not help but curse fate for being so harsh to me, even though I tried so hard to be both kind and polite.
My blood was as cold as ice, I was too shocked to say a thing, my face was ghostly white.
But what made it so much worse was that when I looked out the window, I caught a horrific sight.
I caught a flash of rainbow colored hair dashing away at what appeared to be the speed of light.
I didn't know what to say then, whether to cry out in anger, or break down in tears.
To lose the only two people in the world who had any love for me, was my worst fear.
Rainbow Dash had read my mind, and I congratulated him for it.
Too angry to think of anything to say, I muttered to myself three words "shit, shit, shit".
Rainbow Dash had gotten away with yet another crime, I had no way to show anyone that he was the culprit.
I had no evidence to incriminate him, no not one bit.
Today.
Since my parents left me never to return, I could barely utter a whisper, let alone speak.
It appeared the loss of my parents, had taken my level depression and lack of self confidence to its very peak.
Gradually I said less and less, until eventually I could hardly say anything at all.
Not that it would matter anyway, since I spent my breaks alone forever, sitting alone in the empty school hall.
Hoping that the bullies would leave me alone to wallow in my misery, often they did not.
They took my lunch money too, and a knuckle sandwich was the only food at school I ever got.
Here I sit, writing this poem, shy and nervous as can be.
Wondering if I will ever leave this awful hell alive, wondering if I will ever be set free.
Wondering if anyone will ever want to talk to me and whether I will ever have what people call "a friend".
And wondering if I can keep myself from committing suicide, when I go home for yet another sehr furtchbar abend.
One time I nearly ate cyanide instead of cereal for breakfast, because I was so depressed.
Another time, I very nearly stepped off a building because a voice in my head told me to, another step and I would certainly be dead.
I couldn't just run away from school, it would mean I had no grades and no future.
I was trapped in school, like a prisoner in a prison. Rainbow Dash and his gang were like a horrible disease with no cure.
They would torture me until the day I graduated, and that was several years away.
Yet how will I get that far when my suicidal thoughts grow day by day.
Rainbow Dash is a selfish, heartless freak. Why will no one ever see.
And why will no one in this cold cold world ever help me?
Fin.
"No, no please don't. Please. Please no!!!" pleaded Fluttershy, tears streaking out of her eyes as Rainbow Dash punched her again and again.
"Shut up, loser" yelled Rainbow Dash as he delivered a powerful blow to Fluttershy's nose, Fluttershy winced as blood poured from her nose in a flood, painting her uniform in a horrible hue of crimson as it trickled down her face and onto her jumper.
"Why are you doing this" cried Fluttershy, as she clutched her bleeding nose "What did I ever do to you?"
Rainbow Dash ignored the plea for mercy and continued to brutally punch at Fluttershy. He slugged at Fluttershy's bleeding face with his fists and kicked at Fluttershy's shin with his foot.
Then the bell marking the end of school rang and Rainbow Dash picked his shivering and trembling victim up and threw her into a wall. There was a sickening thud as Fluttershy hit the wall and lay shivering on the ground, unable to utter a whisper.
"See you, loser" spat Rainbow Dash as he left his helpless victim bleeding on the floor. Fluttershy lay, clutching her bleeding nose and crying as if there was no end to the stream of tears inside her. She lay, sobbing quietly to herself, unable to stop the tears from streaking out of her sore and moist eyes.
It was nearly an hour before she struggled to her feet, and took several deep breaths, finally able to suppress the flood of tears that she was aching to let out from her system.
As Fluttershy limped home, she felt as if her body was on fire. Several times she almost tripped, the spasms of pain that coursed through her wounded body made it hard for her to see. She felt the world pulling away from her with each agonizingly painful step she took.
Was she dying?
She wanted to throw herself into the loving arms of her parents when she went home, to be comforted and soothed by their calming words and warming embrace. But she had no parents to throw herself into, not anymore at least.
She wanted to talk to her animal friends who she kept in her shed, to tell them why today had been yet another tough day for poor Fluttershy.
To have a conversation with the many cute little critters she had taken care of, and who she had become close friends with. There were puppies, squirrels and even rabbits, Fluttershy had quite a collection of adorable little animal friends. They loved her for the kindness she showed to them in their time of need, and she loved them for being the only company she had in her dark and cold life of misery.
But they had left her to suffer in her time of need, through no fault of their own. Rainbow Dash forced them all away, forced them away to the other side. "They left too soon" sighed Fluttershy sorrowfully "too soon".
A pessimist would say that the many pets Fluttershy had devoted such kindness to, now lay forever asleep under Fluttershy's garden in the beds Fluttershy had dug for them to honor them, never to wake again. An optimist would say that they had gone to a better place, a place where eternal happiness and bliss awaited them and that the carcasses they left behind were gifts to their beloved owner, to show her that they would forever love her wherever they went.
A small grin appeared on Fluttershy's cheeks as she thought of how much happier they must be now, but that grin quickly faded and she began to cry once more as she thought of how unfair it was that they had left so much sooner than they were supposed to.
Fluttershy raised her head to the sky and cried against heaven for making the train that took her animal friends away from her, come so much sooner than it was supposed to.
Fluttershy sighed wistfully as she remarked upon how so very alone she was in this world. This was no fairy tale, this was the harsh reality of life. And there was certainly no knight in shining armor and "certainly no happily ever after" waiting for this princess.
The world was not fair and even handed, nor did it reward the good and innocent. Fluttershy had realized that a long time ago, since the day Rainbow Dash ran into her, that awful day. The world as Fluttershy knew it, was cruel and barbaric.
The world belonged to the strong and cruel, while the weak and helpless suffered for not being as mean and evil as the evil bullies who controlled them. At least, that was what she thought.
Fluttershy finally managed to limp home, weak and exhausted from yet another tough day.
As she dragged herself upstairs and began to change, she sighed to herself the words "tough day".
She slowly struggled downstairs to try and make herself dinner, but pain and disorientation from the horrific beating she had suffered earlier made her lose her footing and she fell. She fell and almost cracked her head, had the angle at which she had fallen been even slightly less fortunate she certainly would have fractured her skull. Instead she landed painfully on her already aching ankle, causing it to ache even more.
"Tough day" sobbed Fluttershy to herself.
She began to make herself food, only to realize that since her parents left and since no one was earning money for the household anymore
there was no food. She had used up all of what little money her parents had left in their accounts and now she had not a penny.
"Tough day" grumbled Fluttershy impatiently as she clutched her growling stomach.
She turned on the TV to try and watch a movie, she hoped it would sooth her jangled nerves. But there was no TV to turn on, Fluttershy had sold it some time ago to make money to buy herself food and to avoid starvation.
"Tough day" murmured Fluttershy.
She went upstairs to shower, a warm and soothing shower always took the pain away after a long hard day of horrific abuse.
But because no one paid the water bill any more, there was no water and thus, no shower.
"Tough day" sighed Fluttershy as she cursed herself for failing to remember that her loving parents were no longer there to take care of her.
The night was cold, and the cold currents of air that rushed in through the wall, made Fluttershy shiver. But of course, no one paid the electric bill any more and so the radiator was as good as useless. Fluttershy's shivering only got worse as the cold air that somehow made its way through the walls, got colder and colder.
"T,t ough day" complained Fluttershy as she shook and shivered in response to the freezing cold she felt.
She brushed her teeth and was about to settle down to go to bed, when a loud knocking was heard downstairs. The knocking continued, louder and louder and Fluttershy very nervously crept downstairs to check what it was. But before she could even get to the front door where the knocking was coming from, the door was thrown open.
Standing there, was a large man, a very grumpy looking large man in a suit. "Evict the premises" he ordered, in a tone as cold as ice.
"But I..." Fluttershy began, but she was rudely cut off when the man spoke once more. "My reports tell me you have not been paying the bills for this property for a while now" he stated coldly, regarding Fluttershy with a cold and icy stare.
"But" protested Fluttershy but the man cut her off in mid sentence. "Cough up" demanded the man angrily and impatiently "Cough up or get the fuck out". "I don't have..." replied Fluttershy nervously, only to be cut off once more. "I don't give a fuck what you don't have" shouted the man in an ear piercing scream "Cough it up right now, or get the fuck out".
And when poor Fluttershy could not bring herself to reply to him, the man grabbed her by her collar, picked her up and threw her out onto the pavement.
"Owwww!!!" yelped Fluttershy as she hit the cold, stony ground outside. "And stay out you fucker" warned the landlord angrily as he went into the house and slammed the door, hard.
Fluttershy wanted to beg the man for mercy, she wanted to reason with him not to do this to her. She hoped this would not happen, but it happened anyway, the loanshark landlord had come for his money and when she didn't have it, he threw her out.
His surname was Krabs, his forename was cheapskate. His middle name was "greedy". He wanted his money, and he wanted it badly.
And he was willing to go as far as to kick an already mentally unstable nine year old out of his property, just to emphasize his point that he never gave anything away for free.
The nine year old girl had just lost both her parents to unforeseen and tragic accidents, but it didn't bother him in the slightest. Nor did it bother him that she had just gone through yet another tough day, and that she was already bleeding profusely from multiple horrible wounds. It didn't matter to him that every step she took, gave her horrible spasms of agony. Nor did it matter that she had no where to turn and nothing.
He didn't even give her a chance to collect her belongings, he simply slammed the door in her face.
Fluttershy sighed painfully once more as she walked away from the house and into the shadow of the darkening night.
She shook and shivered but knew it was useless to beg for help or pity. It wasn't her fault she had nothing, it wasn't, but Fluttershy knew that beggars were not seen as worthwhile people by anyone. Beggars were simply seen as objects to be kicked around, as piles of junk which cluttered up precious space and ruined the view of the city for tourists and the like.
Her legs were aching and she could not go a step further when she eventually found what appeared to be a fairly secluded area under a bridge. It was fairly dry and though it appeared well hidden , Fluttershy could only pray it really was as safe and concealed as it looked.
"I miss you, daddy" whispered Fluttershy, as she sank onto the wet and stony ground, and lay there exhausted.
She closed her eyes and tried to sleep, but the blood curdling noises that tormented her throughout the night made it hard to do so.
And so in the end, she consigned herself to passing a sleepless night in the freezing cold winter air, having given up any hope of falling asleep to rest her weary body and shaken nerves.
"what a Tough day" she whispered to herself, giggling maniacally as she did.
And as the hours crawled by like years and Fluttershy lay under the bridge, giving ear to every sound of menace that echoed through the shadow of the winter night, she shuddered uncontrollably and smirked.
Spasms of laughter escaped from her lips every now and again, it was as if the last of her sanity had been spent.
The hours seemed near endless, there was no way for Fluttershy to tell the time.
And as she continued to wait out her first sleepless night as a homeless tramp, she consoled herself by singing a rhyme she had sang to herself since the day she had lost her two beloved parents.
"I'm F to the L,U,T,T,E,R,S,H,Y" she sang gently, trying without success to hold back a fresh flow of liquid that was forming in her already reddened and incredibly painful and tired eyes.
"And the thought of people watching this, makes me want to cry".
She sang it again and again, while shuddering like a demented lunatic, who had been driven mad by horrors far too frightening to describe with words.
"I'm F to the L,U,T,T,E,R,S,H,Y"
"And the thought of people watching this, makes me want to cry"
"I'm F to the L,U,T,T,E,R,S,H,Y"
"And the thought of people watching this, makes me want to cry"
"I'm F to the L,U,T,T,E,R,S,H,Y"
"And the thought of people watching this, makes me want to cry"
She sang it again and again, as if they were the only words she knew. It wasn't until tiredness overtook her and she eventually succumbed to sleepiness that she finally stopped singing.
"And the thought of people watching this, makes me want to cry" she sighed to herself as darkness washed over her vision and she fell asleep, still shuddering like a demented lunatic and unable to stay still.
