He knows it all

by John the brony and yknow

Rating: everyone
Tags: Human, Comedy, Random
Length: 2248

This guy that was just teleported to equestria by mysterious ways starts telling everyone everything about their lives, and they are not fine with it

After receiving a lightning bolt, Joseph Castle is transported to Equestria, the place where his favourite show is developed, being a huge fan of the show that couldn't live without seeing an episode per day, he starts to tell everyone things that they may or may not know, revealing secrets, teasing and even playing pranks on everypony in Ponyville!

And they are not going to accept it at all

This story will need a proofreading or an editor

This had 3 more chapters but they suked! so I only leave the good one!

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2016-04-20 01:27:16 UTC

Bittersweet arrival

All I can feel is the chirping of birds, the sunlight in my face, the smell of the dirt, the grass making a soft cushion for my body, and an extreme heat in my entire body, wich is a bad thing, right?

"Woah what happened!?" I scream out as I quickly stand up, I can't see at all, my eyes are all blurry, I don't have stability either so I fall to the ground again, I rub my eyes with my hands trying to make them work correctly.

"Ugh, im burning! I hope my phone is good" I move a hand to my pocket, eyes still closed, only to discover that I don't have pocket! and if I don't have a pocket, I don't have a phone in it! this is not good. I get my other hand to my other pocket, and now I find one! thank god, here are my keys, a pen and a pen drive, that reminds me of something, I had a bag with me, last time I was awaken, so after my eyes are good again, I start searching for it, and bingo! it is right there, fuming and it looks pretty much like if an angry cat used it like a scratching post, I look inside and to my luck everything inside it is perfect, here are some RAM's, a wireless internet device and my laptop, I take it out and open it, before I could even start it, I look at my reflection, wich is awful, I look like i was just beaten up and used as a mop, and my clothes are all ripped off, I barely have a shirt on!

"AAH! WHAT HAPPENED TO ME?" I drop the laptop in the grass, so it doesn't breaks, and after my view is clear I see that I am in the middle of an apple tree orchard, and the trees are lined up in rows and columns, and the trees seem to be a little bit too familiar to me, a lot familiar now that I look them better, the fact that the trees are in some kind of orchard makes me think of something, I've seen this before, somewhere, I just dont remember where, and my question is answered when I hear something in the distance.

"Yeehaw!" It was weird, but that was all I needed to know that I am in the place where my favourite show is, I am in Equestria! in Ponyville! in Sweet Apple Acres! what? how did I get here? That was the only question I cant answer right now, but I will not let that bother me, I feel like meeting this ponies right now!

I pack my laptop and make sure I have everything I need with me, and start jogging my way to where Applejack's voice comes from, I can just think of how many things I will ask to her, like how is the life in the farm, how do they do their work, why do they have pigs, and so many other things, but I stop when i realize that she might not react in a good way, and I dont want her to buck my face or something, she is really strong and the idea of her kicking me isn't a very pleasant one, my clothing wouldn't help my first impression either, so I may visit Rarity first, she may not react as bad as I think, and maybe she can fix theese clothes.

***

I can finally see the boutique at the distance, and as I get close i notice that there is a sign in the door "Closed, i'll be back in a minute" ok, I went all the way through a giant apple orchard and then a grassy field to get to this place and im whacked and rarity isn't here and seriously, I need some rest, but I don't want to end sleeping in the grass again, so I will just maybe lay down on a side of the boutique for a minute, but before I can even move towards it, I hear a scream that almost make me have a heart attack.

"What is this!" Oh no, she just saw me, and i am wearing some tattered clothes and tired, I gotta explain "P-please, don't be, scared, i wont, hurt you" I say between pants, but what she says next leaves me shocked "What just happened to you? you look awful, and those clothes, I can't let you be like this, come in please" did she just invite me in her boutique? isn't she scared because of the almost double sized guy in front of her?

"Excuse me? aren't you scared?" I ask confused, maybe she hit her head in the way here or something, I did expect to ask her for some clothes, but she is actually offering, and too fast for me, I tought i would have to explain her that I wasn't from here and that I didn't know how I got here, but no, she just made me throw those expectations to the junk.

"Oh please darling, you don't look scary or threatening at all" this statement relieved me and made me think that at least more than one pony will react like rarity when they see me but without the screaming and all the drama "Now please come in, I will make you some new clothes" all I do is nod in response.

As we enter the boutique I see shelves with fabric rolls and a table with some blueprints and other things, and man it is exciting, seeing those things in the show isn't the same as having them literally at five feet from you, and I couldn't contain to see them even closer.

"Wow, theese are your blueprints, and this is the stage, and the fabric rolls, wow they are very soft and silky!" and as I continue this fanboyism, Rarity gets a measure tape and stands by the side of the stage.

"Okay, I really appreciate you like my house but could be please get started?"

"Oh sure, sorry I just got a bit excited" I say with a dumb smile, realizing how dumb I was acting.

"Please stand here and extend your arms so I can take your measures, then I can make your clothes" she starts levitating the tape at my torso, arms, legs, chest, hips, anything you could believe could be measured, was measured except some things of course.

"I will have your new clothes in a hour or so, don't go too far away" and I wasn't going anywhere, I could ask Rarity so many things, like how I was going to do with Applejack, but the questions would be related to her, but then a different idea popped in my mind, I could ask her things that I already know, because a thing I love (and you may have already realized it) are the reaction that people have when I do something uncommon or shocking, that's another reason I was confused that Rarity wasn't scared of me.

"Hey Rarity, how's the gem finding going?"

"It is pretty well darling, why you ask?" She asks back, already confused that I know she goes out and find her own gems.

"Dunno, just wondering, do you have encountered the diamond dogs again?" she cocks her head at this question, she really is confused now, and I am enjoying it!

"Umm, no, not yet" I giggle a bit but I don't think she heard me "How do you know all of that? I haven't seen you around here before"

"Oh well, what can I say? that's my little secret Rarity" She snorted and frowned a bit at my teasing, but she changes her slightly angry expression to a mocky one.

"I think you've already met somepony then, haven't you?" She says with a sly smile.

"Hmm, well yes" I say as she laughs a bit "and no" I retort to myself "Huh, what does that means? have you been spying on us or something and you just wanted to show up today?" Rarity says with a bit of frustration on her voice.

"Hah, yes... and no" I tease her even more, making her snort again, and I burst into an uncontrollable laugh.

"It's not funny, you must know that spying isn't right little boy, you must be ashamed of yourself" my laugh just increases at her lack of knowledge that there is a show of her and her friends.

"Oh come on Rars, don't act like when Sweetie Belle read your diary" She stops cutting some fabric and turns towards me holding the scissors in her magic, now it's getting a bit less funny.

"What? you know that too?" she starts aproaching me and I stop laughing "How much else do you know then?" now it's getting really scary, I regret what I did for fun earlier, just if pinkie was here, she loves fun!

"Heya Rarity, whatcha doing? gah!" Pinkie lets out a big gasp when she sees me, I am thankful she is here, and I am also confused because she got here at the right time, well she is Pinkie, maybe it was her pinkie sense telling her that somebody just stopped having fun... maybe.

"Hey hi!" I say with a sheepish smile as I wave my hand at her.

"Hi! i'm P-" I interrupt her with my own answer "Pinkie Pie and you want to throw a welcome party for me because I'm new in town? heh"

"I still think you know too much about us!" Rarity says, now she have dropped the scissors to the floor.

"Ah please, I don't know that much, I just know that she is the best party planner in ponyville and she throws parties for everyone that's new in town, and she is the element of laugher and she is totally random at almost every time" Pinkie remains silent for a moment untill she answers me with a taste of my own medicine (and her normal behaviour).

"Ooh, someone that understands me! lemme see, you're a stranger that got here by unexplainable reasons and you don't even remember how you got here but you know everything about this place because from the place you come from, we are just a show for little girls and grown-ups alike, but the grown-ups are not the target audience and they still like it and make conventions and buys toys of us and are pretty much obsessed with us, riiight!?" now I am the one that remains silent, it had to be Pinkie, right? by the way I would have been lying if I said she wasn't going to say something like that.

"You'll have to be better to beat me at this, silly" Pinkie says while punching my arm playfully, I have to recognize that if I want to leave her in shock, I'll have to put extra effort in this... or I'll just not try it, it's Pinkie we're talking about here.

"I'm going to continue my work, I just have to sew some thing here and your shirt is done" Rarity says as she gets back to sewing the shirt, I think she got a bit relaxed when Pinkie said all of that, I guess I feel how Rarity felt when I told her everything I know, but I don't care and I will continue!

"So Pinkie, you were just passing through here? without a reason?"

"Yep, just wandering around, visiting my friend" then another idead pops in my mind.

"Aand... did your Pinkie sense told you to enter? i was having a bit of trouble before you got here, and you entered at the right moment" I say, waiting for her response.

"Nope, just visiting, and my Pinkie sense doesn't tell me to enter to houses, it's only good for vague and immediate events" then her tail starts to twitch, and for what i know, it means something is gonna fall from the sky, but we're indoors so it's safe... right? no! right after realizing that her tail was twitching, a basket full of ribbons falls from a shelf and hits me in the head... coincidence? I dont even want to think about it.

"See? I told you, are you ok?"

"No, my brain can't process what just happened, but I'll still believe it"

"Okey dokey!" I just laugh at this, one of my life dreams had come true, hearing Pinkie say her 'Okey dokey' line, I think that was all the teasing I could do, and my shirt and pants were done, so I could go in town looking at least like a normal human guy.

"Here you go, a shirt and a pair of pants" Rarity says as she levitates the clothes in front of me, they look good, a simple orange shirt and a blue pair of pants will do for now.

"How much is it? i don't have money right now but I will" I ask her just to be cordial and friendly, but I know she might say that is free because she is the element of generosity yada yada yada.

"Oh don't worry about that, it's my gift to you, I also made you a favor, those clothings you had were awful"

"Well you are right on that, thanks Rarity, bye Pinkie" I wave to them as I aproach to town.

"Two down... four remaining..."