Slices of Raridashby TwinkletailChaptersA HypotheticalSixes and NinesYou Can Eat Them AnytimeFrosted For Her PleasureButtsIt’s Just A PhaseA Hypothetical"If you could sleep with any of our other friends, who would it be?" The question hit Rainbow Dash like a jewel-encrusted freight train, causing her to spit chewed bits of daisy all over the table. "Hm, gross," Rarity calmly said as she surveyed the strewn spittle. Months earlier, her reaction would have been far stronger, but by this point she was used to Dash being a messy eater. While this was a bit worse than the norm, it was still easily cleaned by one of the many spare napkins that adorned the table in case of such accidents. "Well you made me do it!" Dash shouted, mourning the loss of that delectable morsel. An attempt to gather up one of the food bits was thwarted by a tiny smack to the hoof from the levitating napkin. A blow from a napkin should not have stung like that, but the force of Rarity's magic made it possible. "I didn't make you do anything of the sort," Rarity said calmly. "I simply asked a question." "Uh, yeah, did you hear the question you asked me?" Dash shot back as she began to prepare a new sandwich. "Of course," Rarity responded. "I listen to my own words as much as I hope you do." "I was listening!" Dash told her. "You asked me which of our other friends I'd want to sleep with!" "My Dashie is such a good listener," Rarity cooed, patting Dash's mane gently with the napkin. Dash rolled her eyes, reaching up to wipe a piece of chewed sandwich from the red part of her mane. An attempt was made to return it to her mouth, but was once again stopped by a flick of blue magic. "Well...what kind of question is that?" Dash asked. "Is this a trap? You're gonna get me to answer and then get all annoyed at me for saying it, aren't you?" "Of course not!" Rarity replied. "It's a simple hypothetical. Absolutely normal, nothing to get upset about. Really, Rainbow Dash, do you think I would be that petty?" Dash chose not to answer that question. As was evident from the earlier one, she knew a trap when she saw it. "Oh yeah?" Dash asked. "Then why don't you answer that question first, if it's nothing to be upset about." "Fluttershy," Rarity said, with nary a moment's hesitation. Dash once again spit the contents of her mouth over the table. This time it was a fine mist of cherry cola. "Must you?" Rarity asked as she floated a dishrag over. "If I'd wanted to date a fountain, I'd have gone soulmate-searching at the garden store." "Well stop saying things that surprise me while I've got stuff in my mouth!" Dash shouted. "What's so surprising about that?" Rarity asked, finally looking up from her cup of tea. "Fluttershy is a very lovely and sweet pony." "I'm not saying she's not-" Dash started. "Were you going to pick her too? I'd say we could look into that but my heavens, the poor dear is so shy she'd likely never agree to-" "Rarity!" Dash interjected. "I...wait, really?" She hesitated for a moment before shaking her head out and focusing again. "I-I mean, you just said it so fast! It's like you had this in mind already! Like you had an ulterior motive for asking!" "Oh, of course not," Rarity replied. "I just came up with the question on a whim. I answered quickly because she's the first of the others that came to mind." "So you were thinking of sleeping with Fluttershy!" Dash demanded. "My oldest friend! And you're saying it in front of me!" "It's a hypothetical, Dash," Rarity said matter-of-factly. "Nothing to be worried about. If I could sleep with one of our friends, which I know is not happening, then Fluttershy would be my first choice. That does not change my opinion that you are the single most perfect pony for me. In fact, I feel it's a testament to our feelings for each other that we can talk about such things together comfortably." Rarity reached across with a hoof to take one of Dash's own, and Dash let out a little sigh. Rarity was the only one who was allowed to just touch her hooves like that. Anypony else would have caught a loud shout at best and a shove at worst, but that sweet white beacon of glory was allowed free reign over that otherwise-restricted territory. Maybe she had been quick to name Fluttershy as the runner-up for "Pony Most Likely to Get a Taste of Marshmallow," but very few ponies remembered the name of the runner-up in a race. It was the winner whose name was etched in the annals of history, and Dash was that winner. "Are you thinking about a race of some sort?" Rarity asked. "Wha...how did you know?" Dash asked. "I know you, darling," Rarity responded with a smile. "You think of races quite often." "Heh...yeah, I guess I do," Dash responded. She looked down to the hoof holding hers, then up into those deep blue eyes. She couldn't possibly stay annoyed with those eyes. "So?" Rarity asked. "So?" Dash asked back. "You still haven't answered my question, Dash," Rarity said with a grin. "Come on now. I answered it and everything is fine. Now it's your turn." Dash took a deep breath. Everything was fine. Sure, Rarity had been rather quick to answer, but that didn't mean that she loved her any less. It was a purely hypothetical question; nothing more, nothing less. "Well..." Dash began, tapping a hoof to her chin. "...I think I'd go with Pinkie. She can be a bit loud sometimes, but that energy she's got is unbelievable. It'd take forever to wear her down in bed. And she's got some great curves, and you know she'd be super-attentive and make sure you left happy. So yeah, Pinkie Pie." Dash nodded resolutely. That wasn't so hard after all. It was good to get things like that off of her chest. She looked back into Rarity's eyes with a smile, only to freeze up as the gentle gaze she'd received earlier was replaced by a cold glare. That kind of glare was typically reserved for particularly stubborn dresses, and being on the receiving end of it chilled Dash to her very core. "Wh...what's wrong?" Dash asked, backing off slightly. "You said it was just a hypothetical, right?" ~~~~~~~~~~ "This has to be the greatest Cutie Mark Crusaders sleepover of all time!" Apple Bloom exclaimed, putting the final touches on the mane she'd been styling. She was far from an expert mane stylist, but she was pretty sure she'd done a great job this time. "Totally!" Scootaloo agreed. "Even better now that we have a guest!" "Uh-huh!" Sweetie Belle chimed in. "We're so glad you could join us, Rainbow Dash! Say, why are you joining us anyway? Rarity never explained it." "Because hypothetical questions are dumb," Dash responded, frowning as she felt Bloom tug at her mane once more. Sixes and NinesSometimes sixes looked like little pony heads with very long and styled bangs. Or maybe they were pony heads with one foreleg waving over them. As a matter of fact, they looked more like waves than bangs. Rainbow Dash wasn't sure why styled bangs were the first thing to come to mind. Maybe she'd been spending too much time around Rarity. This new perspective on sixes was the only thing keeping Dash sane. One by one, she wrote sixes down on the paper in front of her, a veritable sea of cheerful ponies greeting one another. Things got even better when she added a nine to the mix. Maybe those ponies were hanging upside down like Pinkie sometimes did, or maybe they were lying on their backs with their upper halves dangling off the edge of the surface they were on. More and more nines were added as Dash imagined all of those ponies greeting each other. Being that it was Dash doing this, the descent into a competition was inevitable. The sixes might have been there first, but the nines were rapidly growing in number and threatening to overtake them as the majority. What was once a great nation of sixes had been invaded by their upside-down brethren. This was no longer a greeting fest. This was war. The sixes armed themselves primarily with seven-shaped axes, while the nines opted for one-shaped swords. The bravest of them headed straight into melee combat, steel clashing against steel as the battle for numerical supremacy raged on. An army of rotund zeroes attempted to invade, but this was a six and nine war, and the two sides weren't having any part of a third side. Six archers with three-shaped bows stepped up to fight the new threat. One by one, arrows pierced the zeroes in their round middles, turning them into eights. Both sides cheered this accomplishment, for after all, zeroes were so worthless that this new change greatly increased their value. The sixes were the first to employ trapping weaponry, using two-shaped lassoes to ensnare their bitter rivals. This was a necessary change, as the nines had discovered four-shaped tower shields and were using them to deflect the axes and arrows. This proved effective for a good while, but the real game-changer was when the sixes rode out on five-shaped tanks. Nothing that the nines threw at them could possibly stop those ballistics, and the demise of the nines followed shortly after. The battlefield was strewn with fallen nines. The sixes were the winners, but somehow, they didn't feel like they'd truly won. "What happened to our peaceful, waving nature?" Sergeant Seis asked his army as he surveyed the scene. "War changes a number in radical ways. I don't mean to go off on a tangent, but sometimes war is something that can only be marketed to the lowest common denominator. In another world, our two sides could have been friends. Whether it be three of us or two of them, we're all eventually equal." "Rainbow Dash!" Dash broke out of her little fantasy as she looked up. Her paper was swiftly pulled from her hooves and levitated in front of an annoyed Rarity. "What in the wide world of Equestria is all this?" Rarity asked. "The harsh reality of war?" Dash offered meekly. Rarity raised an unamused brow. "I ask you to help me with filing our taxes and this is what you do?" Rarity asked. "But taxes are boring," Dash groaned. Rarity rolled her eyes and gave Dash a pat on the head. "Fine," Rarity said. "I'll finish these, but you owe me. For now, just...read these forms or something." Dash opened her mouth to protest, but chose to keep silent. Reading forms was boring, but nowhere near as boring as having to file taxes. She took the forms and relaxed against Rarity as she began to read the first one. "Hey Rare? What's a codependent?" "Sometimes I think you are, Dash." You Can Eat Them Anytime"This is dinner?" "Yeah." "This." "That." "This." "Did you overwork yourself again?" "Oh, please. You work yourself to the point of collapse on one dress and suddenly you have a reputation." "Well you don't seem to know what a dinner is at the moment, so excuse me for being concerned." "I know what a dinner is. This is not a dinner." "What do you mean? It's food. It's dinner time. It's dinner." "So you mean to tell me that I could haphazardly toss a hoof-ful of hay fries in front of you and you'd call it dinner because it was the right time?" "Actually, I could go for some hay fries right about now." "That's not the point. You said you would make me dinner tonight since I made it for you yesterday." "And I did! It's sitting right in front of you." "Would you kindly recall what you had for dinner last night?" "A spinach and gray ear–" "Gruyere." "...That...soufflé, with a side of stuffed collard greens." "Correct." "And it was delicious." "Thank you. And what, pray tell, is this that you've presented to me?" "Pizza bagels." "Pizza bagels." "Pizza bagels." "Pizza bagels." "Stop doing that!" "Forgive me, darling. Silly old me just assumed that you'd feed me as if I was a full-grown mare, not a filly." "Whoa, whoa, whoa! What's wrong with pizza bagels?" "What's wrong with–" "I swear, if you repeat after me one more time..." "Fine. But seriously, do you know how long I toiled to give you a special dinner?" "No, but I'm pretty sure you're about to tell me." "The collard greens alone took nearly two hours. And that's not even taking the soufflé into account." "And it was delicious." "You don't have to keep saying that, I'm already aware. Now, how long did those pizza bagels take to prepare?" "A half hour." "Not including the trip to the freezer aisle of the supermarket." "Two and a half minutes. Though I did make sure to put the one in the middle of the tray back in the microwave by itself for another six seconds, because the middle one doesn't heat up as much. I did that for you because I care." "Seriously." "Seriously." "The collard greens alone took two hours, and all of it was done with care. That's 1200 times those six seconds of care." "But the middle one would have been cold if I didn't do that! Who wants to eat a cold pizza bagel?" "Who wants to eat any pizza bagel once they've finished grade school?" "I do. You calling me a filly? Because if you think I'm a filly, then we need to have a serious talk about what we did after dinner last night." "Don't be crass." "Crass rhymes with ass." "Must you always say that?" "You didn't seem to mind me being crass last night." "We're getting off-topic." "You said getting off." "I am done speaking to you if this is all you're going to do." "Okay, okay. Sorry." "Apology accepted. Now, back to the matter at hoof." "I don't see what the problem is. Yeah, your meal for me was fancier, but that doesn't mean I don't care as much." "No, it doesn't. I know you care for me as much as I care for you. But if I'm putting in that much effort, having such minimal effort put towards me is troubling." "Fine. Whatever. I'll just throw them out. Sorry I suck so much." "...Dash, wait." "What?" "I'm sorry. Perhaps I could stand to be less picky. And don't agree with me." "My lips are sealed." "Good. Now, please put the tray back down so I may eat the...dinner you've so lovingly made for me." "You sure it won't offend your delicate taste buds?" "Don't push it." "Uh-huh. Here you go, your majesty." "You were only required to call me that last night, Dash." "Now who's being crass?" "Well, you know what it rhymes with." Frosted For Her Pleasure"Dashie, look!" All Rainbow Dash wanted to do was read her book. The new Daring Do book had just hit the shelves this morning, and she was determined to finish it before Twilight Sparkle could. Nopony beat Rainbow Dash at a race of any kind, and Twilight was no exception. From the sound of it, though, Rarity had other ideas. "Can it wait, Rare?" Dash asked, doing her best to not show her annoyance. Sure, she was annoyed, but the last thing she wanted to do was get Rarity upset. She didn't want anything to take her away from her book, and a stern lecture from Rarity over her "tone" would almost definitely cause an even longer distraction than if she just went to see whatever it was that Rarity wanted. "It's something you'll really li-hiiiike~!" Rarity sang from the kitchen. Dash rolled her eyes. Rarity did know quite well what she liked, but it probably wasn't something she liked as much as Daring Do. "I'm reading my new bo-hooook~!" Dash responded in turn. She regretted the mild hint of derision that had seeped into her tone, but it wasn't like she was being a jerk. She was just copying the way Rarity spoke. That was fine, right? "Come look or else you'll be spending the night on the co-hoooouch~!" came Rarity's reply. That wasn't fine. Dash glared daggers at the kitchen doorway for a few seconds. The poor doorway did not deserve her ire, but it was the best she could do at the time. She glanced back down at her book before setting it down. She was already halfway through chapter fourteen. With all of the other reading Twilight had to do, there was no way that she could possibly be that far already. This did not change Dash's level of irritation as she walked into the kitchen. "There you are, Dashie!" Rarity gushed as she watched the perturbed pegasus plod into the picture. "Come come, look what I've done!" Had Dash's brain been inhabited by a squad of miniature Dashes as so many cartoons were wont to claim, they would have been directing all their efforts to her willpower in order to stop the snide remark that threatened to escape from her lips. Thankfully, they managed to succeed at their job despite the fact that they simply did not exist. "What is it?" Dash asked, moving a little closer to finally catch a glimpse and get this over with. The sight before Dash's eyes caused her to stop in her tracks. Sitting before her were six large trays, each one blanketed in cupcakes. Every cupcake was frosted with care in multiple colors, not a single one matching the one before it. The scents of fresh baked goods and sweet, sweet frosting fought for supremacy in the air before finally deciding to call their battle a draw right in front of Dash's nostrils. Dash had been reading her book ever since the moment she'd arrived home with it in tow. While this did plenty to satisfy her imagination and senses of competition and completion, her need to eat had been woefully neglected. The brilliantly fragrant olfactory reminder was more than enough to remind her body of this fact. The perils of the brave Daring Do were a distant memory for the prismatic pegasus. The location of the Sun-Soaked Scepter, the bombastic bouncing bombs of Dr. Rick O'Shea, the fate of the Uiri tribe if their precious artifact was not returned...none of it mattered at the moment, for in her own mind, Rainbow Dash had become Dash, eater of cakes. "Every single cupcake represents a part of my new line!" Rarity said, positively dripping with a mix of self-satisfaction and sweat. "I've made sure to decorate each delight with a unique pattern to represent a different piece! It took a number of hours and a hint here and there from Pinkie Pie, but I've finally matched couture to cuisine with stunning success!" Rarity was saying words. Rarity was saying too many words. Words weren't cupcakes. Cupcakes were cupcakes. Dash didn't want words. Dash wanted cupcakes. Her stomach grumbled in agreement with her unspoken thoughts, and a tiny bit of drool managed to escape from the corner of her mouth. Had Rarity noticed the drool, she certainly would have chided Dash on her unladylike behavior, but she was still too busy saying words that weren't cupcakes. Once Rarity got on this kind of roll, it was nigh-impossible to stop her. Dash found herself moving closer to the cupcakes. Her movements required no thought. Her body had simply taken it upon itself to go to the small tasty things—not that Dash would have done differently if she had the choice. As soon as she was close enough, one hoof slowly moved towards the closest cupcake, one decorated in shades of pink and purple. It was at times like this—and really no other times at all—that Dash wished she had taste buds in the frogs of her hooves, because it would make the inevitably wonderful flavor of the cupcakes be recognized that much faster. "Ah, yes, isn't that one lovely?" Rarity asked as she watched Dash reach towards the cupcake. "The finest of the collection, if I do say so myself!" Time moved as if in slow motion as Dash's hoof neared the cupcake. Little else mattered in Dash's world as the gap closed between the two. Soon it would be hers. All hers. And then it was gone. Or, more accurately, it was no longer visible. The clang of the metal tray cover closing over the cupcakes echoed through Dash's mind like the sound of a gunshot. "And now to bring them to Canterlot!" Rarity declared as she levitated the trays into a small wagon. "Wh...what?" Dash stammered. Her sense of smell hung onto the remaining traces of their scent in the air, desperately trying to defy logic and solidify the scent into what had caused it. "I'm displaying them with the dresses, silly!" Rarity replied, as if that would fix everything. She gave Dash a sweet smile. "Now, weren't they lovely? Didn't I tell you it was something you'd like?" Dash's brain might as well have turned into a cupcake, what with the utter silence and vacant stare and all. "See you tonight!" Rarity sang as she hitched herself to the wagon. "Love youuu~!" In a blur of grace, she was gone, taking the delectable delights with her. It had all happened so fast. Dash wasn't sure if she was angry or sad, or even anything at all. Her stomach rumbled again, as if to ask what had happened to the treats it was promised. Dash didn't respond. She had never spoken to her stomach before and she wasn't about to start now, not when the only words she could come up with would have made it angry enough to never want her to speak to it again. With a dejected sigh, Dash grabbed a bag of pretzels from the nearby cabinet. They would sate her hunger, but they couldn't hold a candle to those beautiful baked goods. As she flumped back onto the chair in the living room and picked her book back up, she wondered if things could possibly get any worse. "Rainbow Dash!" Twilight's voice called out as she poked her head into the window. "Can you believe what happened in chapter fifteen?" Dash decided that this was a good time to get out of the house. Butts"I drew a picture of you." Rarity looked up from her work, one brow cocked curiously. Her hoof raised from the sewing machine's pedal as she looked in Rainbow Dash's direction. "Darling, I didn't know we were 5 years old today," Rarity responded. The playful little smile spawned by her own joke quickly faded as she saw her love frown. Dash was usually quite good at taking a joke, but perhaps this one was ill-advised. "I'm sorry, Dashie," Rarity said, bowing her head ever so slightly. "I was just making a funny." "Well, it wasn't funny," the offended pegasus huffed. Rarity sighed and got up from her chair, leaving her work and trotting over to Dash. "I truly am sorry, Rainbow Dash," Rarity said, her words accompanied by a nuzzle to her cheek. "This must mean a lot to you if my joke bothered you so much. It was a poor attempt at comedy and I truly regret it. Can you find it in your heart to forgive me?" The words were far from hollow. Clearly Dash was proud of the drawing she'd made. Art was art, and Rarity had to admit to herself that she'd likely be just as perturbed if Dash had teased her about one of her dresses. "Yeah, yeah..." Dash responded, returning the nuzzle even as her pout persisted. "It's fine. Whatever." It took another few nuzzles and an alabaster foreleg wrapped around her shoulders before the smallest hints of a smile tickled at the corners of her mouth. "A-ha!" Rarity exclaimed. "You smiled! I'm off the hook!" She gave Dash a little squeeze as she watched that smile blossom. It was a lovely smile, one she truly appreciated and adored even as she glanced past it to notice the piece of paper folded under Dash's wing. "May I see it then? It must be excellent if it means this much to you." "Well duh," Dash responded, her usual vigor beginning to return as she passed the paper over. "If it was bad, I wouldn't even want you to see it at all." Her chest swelled with pride, and Rarity had to admit that it was quite adorable seeing her so proud of something she'd drawn. Rarity's eyes settled on the paper as she unfolded it, beyond eager to see just what it was that had Dash this excited. Dash had never really seemed like the artistic type. If she was, she had never brought it up, and considering how long the two had been friends, let alone dating, the chances of her keeping a secret like that felt unlikely. Rarity felt a hint of guilt for doubting Dash's ability, especially when she actually saw what had been drawn. It wasn't a masterpiece. To compare it to a Ponet or other comparable artist would have been unfitting. But the talent was clearly there regardless. Rainbow Dash, a pony who had never displayed any sort of aptitude in the field of artistry, had captured her form far more skillfully than she could have ever imagined. The shade of purple chosen was impeccable, the highlights in her eyes were sensibly accented...she'd even remembered to draw that little birthmark just below her left ear. Oh, she hated that birthmark so much, but she loved it in this particular instance because its inclusion showed just how much attention Dash paid towards her. It might not have qualified for inclusion in a museum, but beauty was in the eyes of the beholder, and to this beholder, it was absolutely perfect. "Rainbow Dash...!" Rarity exclaimed. She ever so briefly turned her eyes up from the picture to look at her love, and she could feel the fuzziness in her chest as she saw Rainbow's face. Rarity's reaction to the picture must have been plainly evident in her face, because Dash was beaming. "So I guess you like it then?" Dash asked. This was a different side of Dash, one that she didn't show to many ponies. This wasn't the usual gloating grin that came when she received admiration for something she'd done, like a Wonderbolt performance or the like. This was the face of pure joy at having made the pony she loved so much this happy. "Yes! A thousand times, yes!" Rarity gushed eliciting the slightest of blushes from her chromatic companion. She relished in the uncommon Dash blush before her gaze returned to the picture. "It's...it's..." Hesitation. She hadn't expected to hesitate. She was all ready to continue showering Dash with praise. She'd even picked out the perfect word for it. Word use was important in doling out praise, and Rarity was positive that "exquisite" fit very well here. No, the hesitation came from somewhere else; a detail that she'd somehow overlooked the first time, even though it was staring her right in the face the whole time. "...Why did you draw my butt so big?" Rarity's eyes left the paper once more to focus on Dash. Her prideful smile faltered somewhat. "What do you mean?" Dash said, a clear crack audible in her previous bravado. Rarity watched as her pupils shifted ever so slightly down and to Rarity's left side, clearly taking a peek at the posterior in question. "What do you mean, what do you mean?" Rarity snapped back, adjusting her weight onto her right hind leg to move her derriere out of view. Rarity usually enjoyed it when Dash would look at her butt. She was proud of the shape she kept herself in. Right now, however, was not the time for such things. "What do I mean?!" Dash spat out. She took a step back, clearly flustered as she tried once more to peek at Rarity's butt, but Rarity was having none of it. "You drew it to be tremendous!" Rarity growled. "Do you really think my posterior is that huge?" "You've got to be kidding me!" Dash groaned. "You know how much I like your butt! It's perfect! I could spend hours looking at it! I once accidentally drew it in a smoke trail in the sky during Wonderbolt practice because I was thinking about it so much!" "And how big did you draw it that time, hmm?" Rarity replied, before letting out a haughty "hmph" and turning away from the pegasus. "Come on, Rarity!" Dash whined. "I love your butt! I'm staring at it right now!" "Hmph," Rarity responded. "It's amazing!" Dash insisted. "Hmph," Rarity responded once more. "I want to bury my face in it!" Dash screamed, completely unconcerned about the ponies walking by the open window. "I could happily use your butt as a pillow and get a good night's sleep, and that's coming from somepony who sleeps on clouds!" "Oh, so now my butt is like a big, fluffy pillow," Rarity said flatly, turning to glare at Dash. "Horse apples!" Dash moaned, throwing her forelegs in the air. "Look, your butt is amazing! Who cares if I drew it a little big? It doesn't matter!" "So it doesn't matter?" Rarity asked. She strode past Dash, not even listening to whatever she was trying to say. "Let's see how much it matters then, hm?" Without another word said, she lit her horn up, levitating a piece of paper and a quill over. "What are you doing?" Dash demanded, but her question was met with utter silence. A verbal response wasn't really necessary, however, as quill was applied to paper and scribbling began. Dash stormed over and tried to get a look at the paper, but Rarity's magic pulled it to and fro to keep her prying eyes away. Just as Dash was about to pounce her, she thrusted the paper towards Dash's face. "How do you like it?" Rarity snarled. Scrawled on the paper was a drawing of Dash; not quite as good as Dash's drawing of Rarity, but then again one had to account for haste. The details were decent for such a fast work, with the main outlier being the size of Dash's rear end. The proportions were cartoonish, to say the least. "H-hey!" Dash yelped, rearing back a step. "My butt looks nothing like that! It's trim and streamlined!" "Oh, but I thought it didn't matter?!" Rarity sneered, adding a mocking gravel to those last words in an attempt to imitate Dash's voice. "Well it matters if you're just doing it to be rude!" Dash exclaimed. She was practically steaming as she stared at that non-aerodynamic rump that had been so spitefully drawn onto her frame. Magenta eyes narrowed as things clicked into place in her head. Rarity had drawn her butt bigger to get back at her. For a pony so dedicated to competition, the answer to such an action was obvious. Like a flash, the pegasus flew over Rarity's head and to her workbench, retrieving paper and quill of her own. "You wouldn't dare," Rarity growled as she eyed the drawing implements. "Oh, I'd dare," Dash answered back. Before Rarity could say another word, quill made contact with paper, and Dash was drawing up a storm. "Rainbow Dash!" Rarity shouted. Her first instinct was to pounce forward and tear the tools from Dash's hooves. That, however, was not ladylike behavior. Instead, the fashionista kept an even frown as she retrieved another piece of paper from her desk. "Two can play at this game," Rarity said coldly. ~~~~~~~~~~ "Hey Sweetie Belle! What's this?" Sweetie looked away from the door of her room for the first time in about a half hour. She and the other Crusaders had been hard at work on decorating the door of the bedroom she used when staying at Rarity's place, and she hadn't even noticed Scootaloo walk away until she heard her voice coming from down the hall. "What's what?" Sweetie asked, Apple Bloom looking over as well. "This!" Scootaloo repeated. "Just come over and look!" Sweetie rolled her eyes and set her paintbrush down, walking over to the door to Rarity's workroom despite her desire to finish her work. She took a look at the piece of paper in Scootaloo's hoof and raised a brow. "It looks like...a tiny Rarity head on top of a giant butt," Bloom said as she peered over Sweeties shoulder. "And there's a whole bunch more!" Scootaloo said, pointing to the pile of papers just inside the room. "The butts just keep getting bigger, and half of them have Rainbow Dash's head on them." "What do you think it means?" Bloom asked. "Probably something stupid," came Sweetie's flat reply. It’s Just A PhaseRainbow Dash stared blankly at the table in front of her. It was so full. She was quite used to this table being mostly unoccupied by this point. Rarity always made certain to keep things tidy, and as such, this mostly-unused table had found its way to the spare room. Rarity had deemed it too big for use as a dinner table; a concept which made no sense to Rainbow. But Rarity had insisted that the extra uncovered real estate during dinner was an eyesore, and that was that. Rainbow’s attempts to make her side of the smaller dinner table look too crowded the night after the decision were ineffective. As it turned out, the much larger table was exactly what the doctor had ordered for tonight’s activity. There was no way in Tartarus that the smaller dinner table could support this magnitude of…stuff. And at this very moment, that fact was really endearing Rainbow to that smaller dinner table. “If your Deed deck is empty at the start of your turn, and if the End of the Round has not been announced yet, you may forfeit your turn and announce the End of the Round. If you do, each other player takes one more turn, and then the Round is over.” It felt like Twilight had been talking for an hour. The only thing that could provide concrete evidence otherwise was the clock. To look at the clock, Rainbow would have needed to remove her head from her hoof, and by this point she was pretty sure she didn’t have the capacity to do so. Rainbow was pretty sure she had never seen this much cardboard in her entire life. And that was cumulative. She idly wondered how many trees it took to produce all of these pieces. It had to be a lot. Maybe even an entire forest. Maybe even the entire Everfree Forest. Maybe there was once another forest exactly like the Everfree Forest. A sister forest of sorts. Maybe it was called the Neverfree Forest, and instead of the real creatures that were in the Everfree Forest, it was full of all the creepy ghosts and ghouls that ponies originally thought lived in the Everfree Forest. But then it was decided that the Neverfree Forest would be cut down because they had to produce this board game. Maybe the cardboard was haunted, and the ghosts were Never Free from their home in its components. “Twilight?” “Yes, Pinkie?” Twilight asked, looking up from her rulebook for the first time in an amount of time that Rainbow, as previously stated, had no way of knowing. “What if this game was made from the possessed cardboard of a haunted forest?” Pinkie asked. “…I’m pretty sure it’s not,” Twilight stated, then looked back down. “If Resting, you cannot move, initiate combat, or interact with locals…” Rainbow just sighed. Great. Now she was on the same wavelength as Pinkie Pie. This game was really doing a number on her, and they hadn’t even started playing. Would they ever start playing? Even without having to move her head, Rainbow could see that there was still plenty of rulebook to go. It was the thickest rulebook she’d ever seen. Maybe it was made from the haunted trees of the Neverfree Forest. “No, Pinkie, I’m pretty sure the rulebook isn’t haunted either,” Twilight said dryly. “Entering a space with an unconquered fortified site (keep, mage tower, or city) or with a keep owned by another player immediately ends your movement, and is considered to be an assault on that site,” she said just as dryly. Dammit. Rainbow looked over to Rarity. Unlike her face, Rarity’s face held a look of pure concentration. Rainbow knew that Rarity was smarter than she was. Not that Rainbow was unintelligent or anything, but Rarity was a smart cookie. She absolutely had to be if she was managing to keep up with all of this. Something about the focused look on Rarity’s face captured Rainbow’s attention. Something had to, because Twilight’s reading certainly wasn’t. The fact that anyone could sit there and concentrate on listening to all of this was impressive. Seeing her wonderful marefriend this resilient in the face of boredom stirred something in the mind of the prismatic pegasus. Her lips slowly curled into a smile as she watched her beautiful, brilliant love devote her full attention to the matter at hoof. She found new ways to impress her every day. God, she loved that mare. “You’re getting all this?” Rainbow whispered, quietly enough that Twilight wouldn’t hear it over her diatribe about how Influence points could be accrued and used to interact with locals. “Hm?” Rarity whispered back, blinking as she was knocked from her reverie. “Terribly sorry, dear. I was busy thinking up a darling little outfit for my hero figure to wear. Do you think a shawl would enhance or detract from her fighting ability?” Rainbow groaned. “Oh, I totally agree!” Twilight exclaimed. “It is frustrating that an Attack of lower total value than the total armor of the enemies has no effect and any damage dealt does not carry over to subsequent phases or turns!” Rainbow groaned again as Twilight returned to reading. She cast a look in Rarity’s direction once more. “Are you following any of this?” Rainbow whispered. “Oh, not in the slightest,” Rarity replied. “I tuned out around the time Twilight brought out the Scenario Book.” “I thought we were gonna play Monopoly!” Rainbow moaned. “Since when are board games this?” “We could just attempt to sway Twilight into playing a simpler game,” Rarity offered. Rainbow pondered this, then gave a regretful shake of her head. “She’s too excited about the game,” Rainbow said. “I’d feel like a jerk. I don’t want to be a jerk.” “Oh my goodness!” Twilight suddenly exclaimed. “The Tornado and Disintegration spell can be used in the Attack phase only, but the ‘use in Attack phase only’ text on the cards was wrongly replaced during language corrections! Eeee, errata!” “You know, I kinda wanna be a jerk,” Rainbow said flatly. “Stay strong, Dashie,” Rarity responded. “You’re right. We can’t take this away from her. We simply have to grin and bear it, as it were. At least she’s halfway through the rulebook?” Rainbow began drafting her will in her head. “Ouh!” Pinkie shouted, unknowingly interrupting Rainbow’s attempts to decide who would inherit her many trophies. “I almost forgot the snaaaacks~!” Rainbow, Rarity, and Twilight watched as Pinkie pulled a tremendous bag of cheese doodles out of her mane. The bag was quickly torn open, and Pinkie dug in without a moment’s hesitation. “Mmmm…” Pinkie mumbled as she shoveled the snacks into her mouth. “These are the best! You girls want any?” A single hoof extended towards the group. It was Pinkie’s, but with the amount of doodle dust on her hoof, it might as well have been Applejack’s. The others stared at it, but while Rainbow and Rarity were considering the offer, Twilight’s face held an expression of horror. Her eyes darted back and forth between the powdered hoof and the multitude of Buckstarter-exclusive components that needed to be thoroughly handled. “…You know what?” Twilight said, one eye twitching as she looked to Rarity. “Mayyybe we can put this one away and break out your copy of Monopoly instead?” Rainbow and Rarity had never been so thankful for cheese doodles.
A Hypothetical"If you could sleep with any of our other friends, who would it be?" The question hit Rainbow Dash like a jewel-encrusted freight train, causing her to spit chewed bits of daisy all over the table. "Hm, gross," Rarity calmly said as she surveyed the strewn spittle. Months earlier, her reaction would have been far stronger, but by this point she was used to Dash being a messy eater. While this was a bit worse than the norm, it was still easily cleaned by one of the many spare napkins that adorned the table in case of such accidents. "Well you made me do it!" Dash shouted, mourning the loss of that delectable morsel. An attempt to gather up one of the food bits was thwarted by a tiny smack to the hoof from the levitating napkin. A blow from a napkin should not have stung like that, but the force of Rarity's magic made it possible. "I didn't make you do anything of the sort," Rarity said calmly. "I simply asked a question." "Uh, yeah, did you hear the question you asked me?" Dash shot back as she began to prepare a new sandwich. "Of course," Rarity responded. "I listen to my own words as much as I hope you do." "I was listening!" Dash told her. "You asked me which of our other friends I'd want to sleep with!" "My Dashie is such a good listener," Rarity cooed, patting Dash's mane gently with the napkin. Dash rolled her eyes, reaching up to wipe a piece of chewed sandwich from the red part of her mane. An attempt was made to return it to her mouth, but was once again stopped by a flick of blue magic. "Well...what kind of question is that?" Dash asked. "Is this a trap? You're gonna get me to answer and then get all annoyed at me for saying it, aren't you?" "Of course not!" Rarity replied. "It's a simple hypothetical. Absolutely normal, nothing to get upset about. Really, Rainbow Dash, do you think I would be that petty?" Dash chose not to answer that question. As was evident from the earlier one, she knew a trap when she saw it. "Oh yeah?" Dash asked. "Then why don't you answer that question first, if it's nothing to be upset about." "Fluttershy," Rarity said, with nary a moment's hesitation. Dash once again spit the contents of her mouth over the table. This time it was a fine mist of cherry cola. "Must you?" Rarity asked as she floated a dishrag over. "If I'd wanted to date a fountain, I'd have gone soulmate-searching at the garden store." "Well stop saying things that surprise me while I've got stuff in my mouth!" Dash shouted. "What's so surprising about that?" Rarity asked, finally looking up from her cup of tea. "Fluttershy is a very lovely and sweet pony." "I'm not saying she's not-" Dash started. "Were you going to pick her too? I'd say we could look into that but my heavens, the poor dear is so shy she'd likely never agree to-" "Rarity!" Dash interjected. "I...wait, really?" She hesitated for a moment before shaking her head out and focusing again. "I-I mean, you just said it so fast! It's like you had this in mind already! Like you had an ulterior motive for asking!" "Oh, of course not," Rarity replied. "I just came up with the question on a whim. I answered quickly because she's the first of the others that came to mind." "So you were thinking of sleeping with Fluttershy!" Dash demanded. "My oldest friend! And you're saying it in front of me!" "It's a hypothetical, Dash," Rarity said matter-of-factly. "Nothing to be worried about. If I could sleep with one of our friends, which I know is not happening, then Fluttershy would be my first choice. That does not change my opinion that you are the single most perfect pony for me. In fact, I feel it's a testament to our feelings for each other that we can talk about such things together comfortably." Rarity reached across with a hoof to take one of Dash's own, and Dash let out a little sigh. Rarity was the only one who was allowed to just touch her hooves like that. Anypony else would have caught a loud shout at best and a shove at worst, but that sweet white beacon of glory was allowed free reign over that otherwise-restricted territory. Maybe she had been quick to name Fluttershy as the runner-up for "Pony Most Likely to Get a Taste of Marshmallow," but very few ponies remembered the name of the runner-up in a race. It was the winner whose name was etched in the annals of history, and Dash was that winner. "Are you thinking about a race of some sort?" Rarity asked. "Wha...how did you know?" Dash asked. "I know you, darling," Rarity responded with a smile. "You think of races quite often." "Heh...yeah, I guess I do," Dash responded. She looked down to the hoof holding hers, then up into those deep blue eyes. She couldn't possibly stay annoyed with those eyes. "So?" Rarity asked. "So?" Dash asked back. "You still haven't answered my question, Dash," Rarity said with a grin. "Come on now. I answered it and everything is fine. Now it's your turn." Dash took a deep breath. Everything was fine. Sure, Rarity had been rather quick to answer, but that didn't mean that she loved her any less. It was a purely hypothetical question; nothing more, nothing less. "Well..." Dash began, tapping a hoof to her chin. "...I think I'd go with Pinkie. She can be a bit loud sometimes, but that energy she's got is unbelievable. It'd take forever to wear her down in bed. And she's got some great curves, and you know she'd be super-attentive and make sure you left happy. So yeah, Pinkie Pie." Dash nodded resolutely. That wasn't so hard after all. It was good to get things like that off of her chest. She looked back into Rarity's eyes with a smile, only to freeze up as the gentle gaze she'd received earlier was replaced by a cold glare. That kind of glare was typically reserved for particularly stubborn dresses, and being on the receiving end of it chilled Dash to her very core. "Wh...what's wrong?" Dash asked, backing off slightly. "You said it was just a hypothetical, right?" ~~~~~~~~~~ "This has to be the greatest Cutie Mark Crusaders sleepover of all time!" Apple Bloom exclaimed, putting the final touches on the mane she'd been styling. She was far from an expert mane stylist, but she was pretty sure she'd done a great job this time. "Totally!" Scootaloo agreed. "Even better now that we have a guest!" "Uh-huh!" Sweetie Belle chimed in. "We're so glad you could join us, Rainbow Dash! Say, why are you joining us anyway? Rarity never explained it." "Because hypothetical questions are dumb," Dash responded, frowning as she felt Bloom tug at her mane once more.
Sixes and NinesSometimes sixes looked like little pony heads with very long and styled bangs. Or maybe they were pony heads with one foreleg waving over them. As a matter of fact, they looked more like waves than bangs. Rainbow Dash wasn't sure why styled bangs were the first thing to come to mind. Maybe she'd been spending too much time around Rarity. This new perspective on sixes was the only thing keeping Dash sane. One by one, she wrote sixes down on the paper in front of her, a veritable sea of cheerful ponies greeting one another. Things got even better when she added a nine to the mix. Maybe those ponies were hanging upside down like Pinkie sometimes did, or maybe they were lying on their backs with their upper halves dangling off the edge of the surface they were on. More and more nines were added as Dash imagined all of those ponies greeting each other. Being that it was Dash doing this, the descent into a competition was inevitable. The sixes might have been there first, but the nines were rapidly growing in number and threatening to overtake them as the majority. What was once a great nation of sixes had been invaded by their upside-down brethren. This was no longer a greeting fest. This was war. The sixes armed themselves primarily with seven-shaped axes, while the nines opted for one-shaped swords. The bravest of them headed straight into melee combat, steel clashing against steel as the battle for numerical supremacy raged on. An army of rotund zeroes attempted to invade, but this was a six and nine war, and the two sides weren't having any part of a third side. Six archers with three-shaped bows stepped up to fight the new threat. One by one, arrows pierced the zeroes in their round middles, turning them into eights. Both sides cheered this accomplishment, for after all, zeroes were so worthless that this new change greatly increased their value. The sixes were the first to employ trapping weaponry, using two-shaped lassoes to ensnare their bitter rivals. This was a necessary change, as the nines had discovered four-shaped tower shields and were using them to deflect the axes and arrows. This proved effective for a good while, but the real game-changer was when the sixes rode out on five-shaped tanks. Nothing that the nines threw at them could possibly stop those ballistics, and the demise of the nines followed shortly after. The battlefield was strewn with fallen nines. The sixes were the winners, but somehow, they didn't feel like they'd truly won. "What happened to our peaceful, waving nature?" Sergeant Seis asked his army as he surveyed the scene. "War changes a number in radical ways. I don't mean to go off on a tangent, but sometimes war is something that can only be marketed to the lowest common denominator. In another world, our two sides could have been friends. Whether it be three of us or two of them, we're all eventually equal." "Rainbow Dash!" Dash broke out of her little fantasy as she looked up. Her paper was swiftly pulled from her hooves and levitated in front of an annoyed Rarity. "What in the wide world of Equestria is all this?" Rarity asked. "The harsh reality of war?" Dash offered meekly. Rarity raised an unamused brow. "I ask you to help me with filing our taxes and this is what you do?" Rarity asked. "But taxes are boring," Dash groaned. Rarity rolled her eyes and gave Dash a pat on the head. "Fine," Rarity said. "I'll finish these, but you owe me. For now, just...read these forms or something." Dash opened her mouth to protest, but chose to keep silent. Reading forms was boring, but nowhere near as boring as having to file taxes. She took the forms and relaxed against Rarity as she began to read the first one. "Hey Rare? What's a codependent?" "Sometimes I think you are, Dash."
You Can Eat Them Anytime"This is dinner?" "Yeah." "This." "That." "This." "Did you overwork yourself again?" "Oh, please. You work yourself to the point of collapse on one dress and suddenly you have a reputation." "Well you don't seem to know what a dinner is at the moment, so excuse me for being concerned." "I know what a dinner is. This is not a dinner." "What do you mean? It's food. It's dinner time. It's dinner." "So you mean to tell me that I could haphazardly toss a hoof-ful of hay fries in front of you and you'd call it dinner because it was the right time?" "Actually, I could go for some hay fries right about now." "That's not the point. You said you would make me dinner tonight since I made it for you yesterday." "And I did! It's sitting right in front of you." "Would you kindly recall what you had for dinner last night?" "A spinach and gray ear–" "Gruyere." "...That...soufflé, with a side of stuffed collard greens." "Correct." "And it was delicious." "Thank you. And what, pray tell, is this that you've presented to me?" "Pizza bagels." "Pizza bagels." "Pizza bagels." "Pizza bagels." "Stop doing that!" "Forgive me, darling. Silly old me just assumed that you'd feed me as if I was a full-grown mare, not a filly." "Whoa, whoa, whoa! What's wrong with pizza bagels?" "What's wrong with–" "I swear, if you repeat after me one more time..." "Fine. But seriously, do you know how long I toiled to give you a special dinner?" "No, but I'm pretty sure you're about to tell me." "The collard greens alone took nearly two hours. And that's not even taking the soufflé into account." "And it was delicious." "You don't have to keep saying that, I'm already aware. Now, how long did those pizza bagels take to prepare?" "A half hour." "Not including the trip to the freezer aisle of the supermarket." "Two and a half minutes. Though I did make sure to put the one in the middle of the tray back in the microwave by itself for another six seconds, because the middle one doesn't heat up as much. I did that for you because I care." "Seriously." "Seriously." "The collard greens alone took two hours, and all of it was done with care. That's 1200 times those six seconds of care." "But the middle one would have been cold if I didn't do that! Who wants to eat a cold pizza bagel?" "Who wants to eat any pizza bagel once they've finished grade school?" "I do. You calling me a filly? Because if you think I'm a filly, then we need to have a serious talk about what we did after dinner last night." "Don't be crass." "Crass rhymes with ass." "Must you always say that?" "You didn't seem to mind me being crass last night." "We're getting off-topic." "You said getting off." "I am done speaking to you if this is all you're going to do." "Okay, okay. Sorry." "Apology accepted. Now, back to the matter at hoof." "I don't see what the problem is. Yeah, your meal for me was fancier, but that doesn't mean I don't care as much." "No, it doesn't. I know you care for me as much as I care for you. But if I'm putting in that much effort, having such minimal effort put towards me is troubling." "Fine. Whatever. I'll just throw them out. Sorry I suck so much." "...Dash, wait." "What?" "I'm sorry. Perhaps I could stand to be less picky. And don't agree with me." "My lips are sealed." "Good. Now, please put the tray back down so I may eat the...dinner you've so lovingly made for me." "You sure it won't offend your delicate taste buds?" "Don't push it." "Uh-huh. Here you go, your majesty." "You were only required to call me that last night, Dash." "Now who's being crass?" "Well, you know what it rhymes with."
Frosted For Her Pleasure"Dashie, look!" All Rainbow Dash wanted to do was read her book. The new Daring Do book had just hit the shelves this morning, and she was determined to finish it before Twilight Sparkle could. Nopony beat Rainbow Dash at a race of any kind, and Twilight was no exception. From the sound of it, though, Rarity had other ideas. "Can it wait, Rare?" Dash asked, doing her best to not show her annoyance. Sure, she was annoyed, but the last thing she wanted to do was get Rarity upset. She didn't want anything to take her away from her book, and a stern lecture from Rarity over her "tone" would almost definitely cause an even longer distraction than if she just went to see whatever it was that Rarity wanted. "It's something you'll really li-hiiiike~!" Rarity sang from the kitchen. Dash rolled her eyes. Rarity did know quite well what she liked, but it probably wasn't something she liked as much as Daring Do. "I'm reading my new bo-hooook~!" Dash responded in turn. She regretted the mild hint of derision that had seeped into her tone, but it wasn't like she was being a jerk. She was just copying the way Rarity spoke. That was fine, right? "Come look or else you'll be spending the night on the co-hoooouch~!" came Rarity's reply. That wasn't fine. Dash glared daggers at the kitchen doorway for a few seconds. The poor doorway did not deserve her ire, but it was the best she could do at the time. She glanced back down at her book before setting it down. She was already halfway through chapter fourteen. With all of the other reading Twilight had to do, there was no way that she could possibly be that far already. This did not change Dash's level of irritation as she walked into the kitchen. "There you are, Dashie!" Rarity gushed as she watched the perturbed pegasus plod into the picture. "Come come, look what I've done!" Had Dash's brain been inhabited by a squad of miniature Dashes as so many cartoons were wont to claim, they would have been directing all their efforts to her willpower in order to stop the snide remark that threatened to escape from her lips. Thankfully, they managed to succeed at their job despite the fact that they simply did not exist. "What is it?" Dash asked, moving a little closer to finally catch a glimpse and get this over with. The sight before Dash's eyes caused her to stop in her tracks. Sitting before her were six large trays, each one blanketed in cupcakes. Every cupcake was frosted with care in multiple colors, not a single one matching the one before it. The scents of fresh baked goods and sweet, sweet frosting fought for supremacy in the air before finally deciding to call their battle a draw right in front of Dash's nostrils. Dash had been reading her book ever since the moment she'd arrived home with it in tow. While this did plenty to satisfy her imagination and senses of competition and completion, her need to eat had been woefully neglected. The brilliantly fragrant olfactory reminder was more than enough to remind her body of this fact. The perils of the brave Daring Do were a distant memory for the prismatic pegasus. The location of the Sun-Soaked Scepter, the bombastic bouncing bombs of Dr. Rick O'Shea, the fate of the Uiri tribe if their precious artifact was not returned...none of it mattered at the moment, for in her own mind, Rainbow Dash had become Dash, eater of cakes. "Every single cupcake represents a part of my new line!" Rarity said, positively dripping with a mix of self-satisfaction and sweat. "I've made sure to decorate each delight with a unique pattern to represent a different piece! It took a number of hours and a hint here and there from Pinkie Pie, but I've finally matched couture to cuisine with stunning success!" Rarity was saying words. Rarity was saying too many words. Words weren't cupcakes. Cupcakes were cupcakes. Dash didn't want words. Dash wanted cupcakes. Her stomach grumbled in agreement with her unspoken thoughts, and a tiny bit of drool managed to escape from the corner of her mouth. Had Rarity noticed the drool, she certainly would have chided Dash on her unladylike behavior, but she was still too busy saying words that weren't cupcakes. Once Rarity got on this kind of roll, it was nigh-impossible to stop her. Dash found herself moving closer to the cupcakes. Her movements required no thought. Her body had simply taken it upon itself to go to the small tasty things—not that Dash would have done differently if she had the choice. As soon as she was close enough, one hoof slowly moved towards the closest cupcake, one decorated in shades of pink and purple. It was at times like this—and really no other times at all—that Dash wished she had taste buds in the frogs of her hooves, because it would make the inevitably wonderful flavor of the cupcakes be recognized that much faster. "Ah, yes, isn't that one lovely?" Rarity asked as she watched Dash reach towards the cupcake. "The finest of the collection, if I do say so myself!" Time moved as if in slow motion as Dash's hoof neared the cupcake. Little else mattered in Dash's world as the gap closed between the two. Soon it would be hers. All hers. And then it was gone. Or, more accurately, it was no longer visible. The clang of the metal tray cover closing over the cupcakes echoed through Dash's mind like the sound of a gunshot. "And now to bring them to Canterlot!" Rarity declared as she levitated the trays into a small wagon. "Wh...what?" Dash stammered. Her sense of smell hung onto the remaining traces of their scent in the air, desperately trying to defy logic and solidify the scent into what had caused it. "I'm displaying them with the dresses, silly!" Rarity replied, as if that would fix everything. She gave Dash a sweet smile. "Now, weren't they lovely? Didn't I tell you it was something you'd like?" Dash's brain might as well have turned into a cupcake, what with the utter silence and vacant stare and all. "See you tonight!" Rarity sang as she hitched herself to the wagon. "Love youuu~!" In a blur of grace, she was gone, taking the delectable delights with her. It had all happened so fast. Dash wasn't sure if she was angry or sad, or even anything at all. Her stomach rumbled again, as if to ask what had happened to the treats it was promised. Dash didn't respond. She had never spoken to her stomach before and she wasn't about to start now, not when the only words she could come up with would have made it angry enough to never want her to speak to it again. With a dejected sigh, Dash grabbed a bag of pretzels from the nearby cabinet. They would sate her hunger, but they couldn't hold a candle to those beautiful baked goods. As she flumped back onto the chair in the living room and picked her book back up, she wondered if things could possibly get any worse. "Rainbow Dash!" Twilight's voice called out as she poked her head into the window. "Can you believe what happened in chapter fifteen?" Dash decided that this was a good time to get out of the house.
Butts"I drew a picture of you." Rarity looked up from her work, one brow cocked curiously. Her hoof raised from the sewing machine's pedal as she looked in Rainbow Dash's direction. "Darling, I didn't know we were 5 years old today," Rarity responded. The playful little smile spawned by her own joke quickly faded as she saw her love frown. Dash was usually quite good at taking a joke, but perhaps this one was ill-advised. "I'm sorry, Dashie," Rarity said, bowing her head ever so slightly. "I was just making a funny." "Well, it wasn't funny," the offended pegasus huffed. Rarity sighed and got up from her chair, leaving her work and trotting over to Dash. "I truly am sorry, Rainbow Dash," Rarity said, her words accompanied by a nuzzle to her cheek. "This must mean a lot to you if my joke bothered you so much. It was a poor attempt at comedy and I truly regret it. Can you find it in your heart to forgive me?" The words were far from hollow. Clearly Dash was proud of the drawing she'd made. Art was art, and Rarity had to admit to herself that she'd likely be just as perturbed if Dash had teased her about one of her dresses. "Yeah, yeah..." Dash responded, returning the nuzzle even as her pout persisted. "It's fine. Whatever." It took another few nuzzles and an alabaster foreleg wrapped around her shoulders before the smallest hints of a smile tickled at the corners of her mouth. "A-ha!" Rarity exclaimed. "You smiled! I'm off the hook!" She gave Dash a little squeeze as she watched that smile blossom. It was a lovely smile, one she truly appreciated and adored even as she glanced past it to notice the piece of paper folded under Dash's wing. "May I see it then? It must be excellent if it means this much to you." "Well duh," Dash responded, her usual vigor beginning to return as she passed the paper over. "If it was bad, I wouldn't even want you to see it at all." Her chest swelled with pride, and Rarity had to admit that it was quite adorable seeing her so proud of something she'd drawn. Rarity's eyes settled on the paper as she unfolded it, beyond eager to see just what it was that had Dash this excited. Dash had never really seemed like the artistic type. If she was, she had never brought it up, and considering how long the two had been friends, let alone dating, the chances of her keeping a secret like that felt unlikely. Rarity felt a hint of guilt for doubting Dash's ability, especially when she actually saw what had been drawn. It wasn't a masterpiece. To compare it to a Ponet or other comparable artist would have been unfitting. But the talent was clearly there regardless. Rainbow Dash, a pony who had never displayed any sort of aptitude in the field of artistry, had captured her form far more skillfully than she could have ever imagined. The shade of purple chosen was impeccable, the highlights in her eyes were sensibly accented...she'd even remembered to draw that little birthmark just below her left ear. Oh, she hated that birthmark so much, but she loved it in this particular instance because its inclusion showed just how much attention Dash paid towards her. It might not have qualified for inclusion in a museum, but beauty was in the eyes of the beholder, and to this beholder, it was absolutely perfect. "Rainbow Dash...!" Rarity exclaimed. She ever so briefly turned her eyes up from the picture to look at her love, and she could feel the fuzziness in her chest as she saw Rainbow's face. Rarity's reaction to the picture must have been plainly evident in her face, because Dash was beaming. "So I guess you like it then?" Dash asked. This was a different side of Dash, one that she didn't show to many ponies. This wasn't the usual gloating grin that came when she received admiration for something she'd done, like a Wonderbolt performance or the like. This was the face of pure joy at having made the pony she loved so much this happy. "Yes! A thousand times, yes!" Rarity gushed eliciting the slightest of blushes from her chromatic companion. She relished in the uncommon Dash blush before her gaze returned to the picture. "It's...it's..." Hesitation. She hadn't expected to hesitate. She was all ready to continue showering Dash with praise. She'd even picked out the perfect word for it. Word use was important in doling out praise, and Rarity was positive that "exquisite" fit very well here. No, the hesitation came from somewhere else; a detail that she'd somehow overlooked the first time, even though it was staring her right in the face the whole time. "...Why did you draw my butt so big?" Rarity's eyes left the paper once more to focus on Dash. Her prideful smile faltered somewhat. "What do you mean?" Dash said, a clear crack audible in her previous bravado. Rarity watched as her pupils shifted ever so slightly down and to Rarity's left side, clearly taking a peek at the posterior in question. "What do you mean, what do you mean?" Rarity snapped back, adjusting her weight onto her right hind leg to move her derriere out of view. Rarity usually enjoyed it when Dash would look at her butt. She was proud of the shape she kept herself in. Right now, however, was not the time for such things. "What do I mean?!" Dash spat out. She took a step back, clearly flustered as she tried once more to peek at Rarity's butt, but Rarity was having none of it. "You drew it to be tremendous!" Rarity growled. "Do you really think my posterior is that huge?" "You've got to be kidding me!" Dash groaned. "You know how much I like your butt! It's perfect! I could spend hours looking at it! I once accidentally drew it in a smoke trail in the sky during Wonderbolt practice because I was thinking about it so much!" "And how big did you draw it that time, hmm?" Rarity replied, before letting out a haughty "hmph" and turning away from the pegasus. "Come on, Rarity!" Dash whined. "I love your butt! I'm staring at it right now!" "Hmph," Rarity responded. "It's amazing!" Dash insisted. "Hmph," Rarity responded once more. "I want to bury my face in it!" Dash screamed, completely unconcerned about the ponies walking by the open window. "I could happily use your butt as a pillow and get a good night's sleep, and that's coming from somepony who sleeps on clouds!" "Oh, so now my butt is like a big, fluffy pillow," Rarity said flatly, turning to glare at Dash. "Horse apples!" Dash moaned, throwing her forelegs in the air. "Look, your butt is amazing! Who cares if I drew it a little big? It doesn't matter!" "So it doesn't matter?" Rarity asked. She strode past Dash, not even listening to whatever she was trying to say. "Let's see how much it matters then, hm?" Without another word said, she lit her horn up, levitating a piece of paper and a quill over. "What are you doing?" Dash demanded, but her question was met with utter silence. A verbal response wasn't really necessary, however, as quill was applied to paper and scribbling began. Dash stormed over and tried to get a look at the paper, but Rarity's magic pulled it to and fro to keep her prying eyes away. Just as Dash was about to pounce her, she thrusted the paper towards Dash's face. "How do you like it?" Rarity snarled. Scrawled on the paper was a drawing of Dash; not quite as good as Dash's drawing of Rarity, but then again one had to account for haste. The details were decent for such a fast work, with the main outlier being the size of Dash's rear end. The proportions were cartoonish, to say the least. "H-hey!" Dash yelped, rearing back a step. "My butt looks nothing like that! It's trim and streamlined!" "Oh, but I thought it didn't matter?!" Rarity sneered, adding a mocking gravel to those last words in an attempt to imitate Dash's voice. "Well it matters if you're just doing it to be rude!" Dash exclaimed. She was practically steaming as she stared at that non-aerodynamic rump that had been so spitefully drawn onto her frame. Magenta eyes narrowed as things clicked into place in her head. Rarity had drawn her butt bigger to get back at her. For a pony so dedicated to competition, the answer to such an action was obvious. Like a flash, the pegasus flew over Rarity's head and to her workbench, retrieving paper and quill of her own. "You wouldn't dare," Rarity growled as she eyed the drawing implements. "Oh, I'd dare," Dash answered back. Before Rarity could say another word, quill made contact with paper, and Dash was drawing up a storm. "Rainbow Dash!" Rarity shouted. Her first instinct was to pounce forward and tear the tools from Dash's hooves. That, however, was not ladylike behavior. Instead, the fashionista kept an even frown as she retrieved another piece of paper from her desk. "Two can play at this game," Rarity said coldly. ~~~~~~~~~~ "Hey Sweetie Belle! What's this?" Sweetie looked away from the door of her room for the first time in about a half hour. She and the other Crusaders had been hard at work on decorating the door of the bedroom she used when staying at Rarity's place, and she hadn't even noticed Scootaloo walk away until she heard her voice coming from down the hall. "What's what?" Sweetie asked, Apple Bloom looking over as well. "This!" Scootaloo repeated. "Just come over and look!" Sweetie rolled her eyes and set her paintbrush down, walking over to the door to Rarity's workroom despite her desire to finish her work. She took a look at the piece of paper in Scootaloo's hoof and raised a brow. "It looks like...a tiny Rarity head on top of a giant butt," Bloom said as she peered over Sweeties shoulder. "And there's a whole bunch more!" Scootaloo said, pointing to the pile of papers just inside the room. "The butts just keep getting bigger, and half of them have Rainbow Dash's head on them." "What do you think it means?" Bloom asked. "Probably something stupid," came Sweetie's flat reply.
It’s Just A PhaseRainbow Dash stared blankly at the table in front of her. It was so full. She was quite used to this table being mostly unoccupied by this point. Rarity always made certain to keep things tidy, and as such, this mostly-unused table had found its way to the spare room. Rarity had deemed it too big for use as a dinner table; a concept which made no sense to Rainbow. But Rarity had insisted that the extra uncovered real estate during dinner was an eyesore, and that was that. Rainbow’s attempts to make her side of the smaller dinner table look too crowded the night after the decision were ineffective. As it turned out, the much larger table was exactly what the doctor had ordered for tonight’s activity. There was no way in Tartarus that the smaller dinner table could support this magnitude of…stuff. And at this very moment, that fact was really endearing Rainbow to that smaller dinner table. “If your Deed deck is empty at the start of your turn, and if the End of the Round has not been announced yet, you may forfeit your turn and announce the End of the Round. If you do, each other player takes one more turn, and then the Round is over.” It felt like Twilight had been talking for an hour. The only thing that could provide concrete evidence otherwise was the clock. To look at the clock, Rainbow would have needed to remove her head from her hoof, and by this point she was pretty sure she didn’t have the capacity to do so. Rainbow was pretty sure she had never seen this much cardboard in her entire life. And that was cumulative. She idly wondered how many trees it took to produce all of these pieces. It had to be a lot. Maybe even an entire forest. Maybe even the entire Everfree Forest. Maybe there was once another forest exactly like the Everfree Forest. A sister forest of sorts. Maybe it was called the Neverfree Forest, and instead of the real creatures that were in the Everfree Forest, it was full of all the creepy ghosts and ghouls that ponies originally thought lived in the Everfree Forest. But then it was decided that the Neverfree Forest would be cut down because they had to produce this board game. Maybe the cardboard was haunted, and the ghosts were Never Free from their home in its components. “Twilight?” “Yes, Pinkie?” Twilight asked, looking up from her rulebook for the first time in an amount of time that Rainbow, as previously stated, had no way of knowing. “What if this game was made from the possessed cardboard of a haunted forest?” Pinkie asked. “…I’m pretty sure it’s not,” Twilight stated, then looked back down. “If Resting, you cannot move, initiate combat, or interact with locals…” Rainbow just sighed. Great. Now she was on the same wavelength as Pinkie Pie. This game was really doing a number on her, and they hadn’t even started playing. Would they ever start playing? Even without having to move her head, Rainbow could see that there was still plenty of rulebook to go. It was the thickest rulebook she’d ever seen. Maybe it was made from the haunted trees of the Neverfree Forest. “No, Pinkie, I’m pretty sure the rulebook isn’t haunted either,” Twilight said dryly. “Entering a space with an unconquered fortified site (keep, mage tower, or city) or with a keep owned by another player immediately ends your movement, and is considered to be an assault on that site,” she said just as dryly. Dammit. Rainbow looked over to Rarity. Unlike her face, Rarity’s face held a look of pure concentration. Rainbow knew that Rarity was smarter than she was. Not that Rainbow was unintelligent or anything, but Rarity was a smart cookie. She absolutely had to be if she was managing to keep up with all of this. Something about the focused look on Rarity’s face captured Rainbow’s attention. Something had to, because Twilight’s reading certainly wasn’t. The fact that anyone could sit there and concentrate on listening to all of this was impressive. Seeing her wonderful marefriend this resilient in the face of boredom stirred something in the mind of the prismatic pegasus. Her lips slowly curled into a smile as she watched her beautiful, brilliant love devote her full attention to the matter at hoof. She found new ways to impress her every day. God, she loved that mare. “You’re getting all this?” Rainbow whispered, quietly enough that Twilight wouldn’t hear it over her diatribe about how Influence points could be accrued and used to interact with locals. “Hm?” Rarity whispered back, blinking as she was knocked from her reverie. “Terribly sorry, dear. I was busy thinking up a darling little outfit for my hero figure to wear. Do you think a shawl would enhance or detract from her fighting ability?” Rainbow groaned. “Oh, I totally agree!” Twilight exclaimed. “It is frustrating that an Attack of lower total value than the total armor of the enemies has no effect and any damage dealt does not carry over to subsequent phases or turns!” Rainbow groaned again as Twilight returned to reading. She cast a look in Rarity’s direction once more. “Are you following any of this?” Rainbow whispered. “Oh, not in the slightest,” Rarity replied. “I tuned out around the time Twilight brought out the Scenario Book.” “I thought we were gonna play Monopoly!” Rainbow moaned. “Since when are board games this?” “We could just attempt to sway Twilight into playing a simpler game,” Rarity offered. Rainbow pondered this, then gave a regretful shake of her head. “She’s too excited about the game,” Rainbow said. “I’d feel like a jerk. I don’t want to be a jerk.” “Oh my goodness!” Twilight suddenly exclaimed. “The Tornado and Disintegration spell can be used in the Attack phase only, but the ‘use in Attack phase only’ text on the cards was wrongly replaced during language corrections! Eeee, errata!” “You know, I kinda wanna be a jerk,” Rainbow said flatly. “Stay strong, Dashie,” Rarity responded. “You’re right. We can’t take this away from her. We simply have to grin and bear it, as it were. At least she’s halfway through the rulebook?” Rainbow began drafting her will in her head. “Ouh!” Pinkie shouted, unknowingly interrupting Rainbow’s attempts to decide who would inherit her many trophies. “I almost forgot the snaaaacks~!” Rainbow, Rarity, and Twilight watched as Pinkie pulled a tremendous bag of cheese doodles out of her mane. The bag was quickly torn open, and Pinkie dug in without a moment’s hesitation. “Mmmm…” Pinkie mumbled as she shoveled the snacks into her mouth. “These are the best! You girls want any?” A single hoof extended towards the group. It was Pinkie’s, but with the amount of doodle dust on her hoof, it might as well have been Applejack’s. The others stared at it, but while Rainbow and Rarity were considering the offer, Twilight’s face held an expression of horror. Her eyes darted back and forth between the powdered hoof and the multitude of Buckstarter-exclusive components that needed to be thoroughly handled. “…You know what?” Twilight said, one eye twitching as she looked to Rarity. “Mayyybe we can put this one away and break out your copy of Monopoly instead?” Rainbow and Rarity had never been so thankful for cheese doodles.
