Deadpool Kills The Fourth Wall
Cable ran across one of the X-mansion’s corridors, shooting his plasma cannon at a third wave of failed mutant clones. They were each cloned after one mutant, some failures sharing the same cloning subject, but their cloning didn't go right. Wolverine’s clones, for example, had claws, but they were all over their body. They also had his healing factor, which made them harder to kill. In order for anyone to defeat one of Wolverine’s clones, they'd have to completely disintegrate the body.
(Cable A.K.A. Nathan Summers)
The rounds the plasma cannon shot were roughly enough to keep the Colossus clone that Cable was fighting down, so he decided to call in some backup. He knew that in the next room over, Bruce Banner was pummelling a Loki clone around. Bruce was all he needed now.
“HULK!” Cable shouted just before a Loki clone was sent flying through the wall that divided the two rooms. After a few seconds, a green monster jumped at the Colossus clone, then proceeded to rip it apart. After this happened, Cable gave a simple thumbs up to Hulk.
(The Hulk A.K.A. Bruce Banner)
They were at war. A war between one of the most powerful beings in existence and the heroes like the Avengers, or the X-men. The being they fought was one many feared even just the thought of. The one who feasted on worlds, and cared not for the living.
Galactus
(Galactus)
Galactic wasn't visible as of now since he was in a different galaxy eating different planets, but he had left an army of failed clones on Earth. It was up to Earth’s heroes to keep the army from harming innocent lives, and they were doing a great job.
But there was one problem. One of what would be the most helpful people towards stopping Galactus was busy playing Mario Kart with an 8 year-old. His name was Deadpool
(Deadpool A.K.A. Wade Wilson)
“Oh, that's how we’re gonna introduce me? Why can't I be sleeping with Emma Stone?!” Deadpool asked, disappointed with the way he was introduced.
What’s wrong with Mario Kart?
Mario Kart isn't very fun when you're a 35 year-old man playing it with an 8 year-old.
Deadpool kept his foot pressed against the gas pedal, also steering the wheel towards the boy he was playing with in order to bump him into a river. When he did this, his character celebrated by saying ‘yahoo.’
Who are we playing as anyway?
Probably Toad.
Dammit.
“Shut it, you two! You're messing me up!” Deadpool said to his head’s voices.
But you're in first place!!!
That's a seven.
Are you sure it's not an I?
An I is a letter of the alphabet, not a numerical digit.
I think it's an I.
*Sigh*
“I thought I told you two to shut up your asses!” Deadpool cursed as he passed his third lap in 7th place. The boy he was racing with gasped in horror at the sound of the word.
“That's not a good word!” The boy said, his hands pressing against the sides of his head.
“Wait… you haven't used it before?” Deadpool asked, shocked that he'd met an innocent kid.
“No. Mommy says it's a bad word.”
Deadpool chuckled a bit. “I bet Mommy’s used that word in bed before!”
Hahaha!!!
I hate us.
“Why would she say that while sleeping?” The boy asked.
“Well… uh…” Deadpool thought for a moment. He could ruin this kids innocence, or make his joke only heard and understood him.
“Just ask your mom about the birds and the bees. Well, I'd better get goin’.” Deadpool said, looking outside of the glass doors. There was fire everywhere, people running and screaming about the mutant clones, and lots of blood.
Sounds nice.
Maybe we should head to the X-mansion and see what we can do there.
“Why would we head to the X-mansion when we can play PAC-MAN!!!!!” Deadpool squealed with glee at the sight of a Pac-Man Machine.
Maybe because there won't be a Pac-Man machine by the time we actually stop Galactus from eating Earth.
Galactus? Why’s he involved?
Have you been paying attention?! Galactus sent an army of mutant clones to kill the human race while he eats other planets. It says that in the first few paragraphs of this fanfiction.
Oh, yeah!
“Can we grab some Las Palapas first? Mario Kart makes me hungry.” Deadpool asked Serious Deadpool.
There won't be a Las Palapas if we wait, either.
“Oh, SHIT!!!” Deadpool said, fearing that the best burritos that'd been in Deadpool's mouth would be gone. “Let's go fuck Galactus up!!!”
Deadpool ran outside, only to see that his borrowed motor-bike he had gotten from Stan Lee had been burned to a crisp by a Pyro clone with blisters covering his skin. The clone was screaming in agony, his entire body spasming every few seconds.
“Shit. How do we get to the X-mansion now?!” Deadpool asked.
Do we still have contact with that blue box guy with the tweed jacket?
“Great idea!!!” Deadpool said before grabbing his phone and dialing a number. He waited for a few seconds before a weird, majestic, distorted sound came from behind him. Under his mask, Deadpool grinned to no end.
“Professor Xavier.” Cable greeted the telepathic handicapped man as he let his plasma cannon cool down. Bruce Banner stood next to him, his clothes torn.
“Nathan Summers. It's been long since our last meeting.” Professor-X said. “If only this one could be under better terms.”
(Professor Xavier)
“Have the astronomers you hired seen Galactus yet?” Cable asked.
“Fortunately, no. We have more time to worry about the clones. How many more are in here?” Xavier asked.
“None. Banner and I managed to vanquish them before they could reach you. I sent Stark and Parker to the Empire State Building to keep the clones from knocking it over, and I sent Rogers and Thor up to the Helicarrier to assist Nick Fury.” Cable said, wishing the best for them.
“And have you found Mr. Wilson?” Xavier asked.
“Have we ever been able to find him when he’s needed?” Cable asked, his dislike for Deadpool showing greatly.
“No, I suppose we haven't. We need him, though. Cable, I want you to sear-”
BOOM
A military-grade jet suddenly crashed through the wall, and into Professor-X, sending the telepath towards the other side of the room, pieces of his body now dissipated across the room. Cable was more than angry, but quickly calmed down when he saw the dissipated chunks of Xavier quickly turn blue and scaly. This wasn't Xavier, but it was Mystique.
(Mystique)
The window of the jet suddenly smashed open, and out stepped Deadpool, holding a notebook that read ‘Ideas For: Mutation Over Magic.’
“I totally knew that was Mystique. I read spoilers.” Deadpool said before tossing the notebook aside.
We should read ahead in the spoilers and see where this is going!!!
Then we wouldn't be surprised about anything, which may or may not take away some of the enjoyment for any passing viewers.
“WADE!!! Where the hell were you?!” Cable asked.
“I was playing Mario Kart with Donovan Byhulper.”
That's not something you tell Summers.
At least he can't kill us.
Cable was burning with so much rage his metal side began to turn red-hot. Literally.
Wait… that's not possible.
Do you think that something happened in the spoilers that we missed?
I remember it saying something about an explosion from a jet damaging Cable and sending us to a different dimension.
So that means…
Cable was now radiating an unbelievable heat, which scared Deadpool. “Oh, shi-”
BOOM
Before Deadpool could think or say anything, he was engulfed by a white-ish, yellow-ish, purple-ish light.
Deadpool woke up on top of a building.
How descriptive.
He was also wearing a tutu.
I bet our ass looks nice!
But he was also in a different dimension.
“Aw, shit.”
Deadpool stood up, and looked around. The area he was in seemed vacant, but a bus was about to stop at a bus stop.
I guess that’ll be our first stop.
“Damn right. Everyone loves seeing a man with various lethal weapons attached to his sexy suit sitting in a piss-stained bus.”
Deadpool jumped off the building, landing hard on his legs and snapping them in the process. He cursed to himself, but his legs quickly healed, allowing him to proceed towards the bus. He passed by a statue with a horse sculpted on it.
“Heh. Nice statue.” Deadpool said as he continued his walk to the bus. Before he made it, it headed off, so Deadpool began to run towards it. He managed to grab onto the back license plate barely, but he was now being dragged by the bus.
“SHIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!”
SHIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!
SHIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!
As he was being dragged, he noticed that many of the people were colorful. Not Hispanic or African-American colorful, but candy-colorful. There was a crossing guard with blue hair and light-yellow skin, and a gray lady with blue hair.
God damn! It looks like Crayola just took a shit here!
A wet shit.
“Diarrhea.”
As Deadpool’s legs were dragged across the road, leaving a red, gooey trail, he fight a glance of one person in particular. Or… more?
Ooh! Look at the one with bacon on her head!!!
That's hair.
Oh. Nevermind, then. Ooh! Look at the one next to her with skittle taffy on her head!!!
That's also hair.
Damn. Ooh!!! One of our tumors fell out of our body!!!
That's also hai- oh.
Does that mean we don't have cancer anymore?
We had more than one.
SHIT!!!
As he noticed that people were staring, appalled at the sight of a man being dragged along the road with blood trailing from him, he wondered how hard it’d be to walk around with no mask.
Where do you think we are?
Probably Canterlot. It said so on a bank we passed.
“What?! That's a shitty name! We should run for mayor so we can re-name the city!!!”
Who the hell would hire us for mayor?
Deadpool finally let go as soon as he reached the street of a neighbourhood with nobody filling the streets. He panted for a few minutes before looking down at his legs. His feet were completely grinded off.
“Shit. That's gonna take a while to heal.”
No more than a day.
“So… where do you think we were when we showed up here?” Deadpool asked.
Check the notebook.
Deadpool obliged, and pulled the notebook full of ideas for this fanfic out of nowhere. He opened it, and read a little bit of it.
“So… we’re in Canterlot, we showed up at Canterlot High School, and we saw Sunset Shimmer and Rainbow Dash before we lost a tumor.”
I bet Rainbow Dash is the one with bacon on her head!!!
“And apparently we meet them? Who the hell wrote this?!” Deadpool asked. “We’re supposed to be their friend, but we only saw them while being dragged by a fuckin’ bus!!!”
RustyWarhead wrote this.
(RustyWarhead)
“Fuck the notebook. Let's make our own story!” Deadpool said, rubbing his hands together mischievously.
"Uh... Sunset?" Rainbow Dash said, nudging Sunset Shimmer's shoulder. Sunset looked over, a smile on her face. She was having a particularly good day, and she wasn't aware of the big, red trail of blood and scraped muscles on the road.
That was until she saw it in her peripheral vision.
As Sunset looked at the road, Rainbow did the same.
"W-what?!" Sunset said, her voice no louder than a whisper.
"There was a guy hanging on that bus that goes by our school every day! He was just hanging on the license plate like he WASN'T getting his legs scraped off onto the road!" Rainbow exclaimed, summing up the situation.
"B-but..." Sunset was stuck staring at the gory trail for a few moments before turning to Rainbow. "This has got to be some kind of prank! You probably did somethibg crazy, and rented that bus... or... something..." Sunset stopped when she saw a big piece of muscle layng in the road with a tumor inside of it.
"I swear that this isn't a prank!" Rainbow said, nearly shouting. "There was a guy in a red suit... and he had swords on his back... and he had guns, too!"
"Wait... I don't think I'm totally familiar with guns." Sunset said.
"Oh... well..." Rainbow tried to think of a good way to explain guns to a magical-unicorn-turned-human. "They're like bows and arrows... but louder, and a whole lot more dangerous. Like... one tiny bullet from a gun can kill you. And bullets are WAY smaller than arrows."
"Why would he be carrying those?! Who would even invent that?!" Sunset asked, pulling her hair. She looked back at the road, and let that bloody trail infest her mind again. "DO GUNS DO THAT?!" Sunset asked, screaming.
Rainbow was taken aback by the sudden raise in Sunset's voice. "First of all... that was right in my ear. Second of all... no. Guns make small holes, not big, bumbling trails of... body stuff." Rainbiw said.
"Should we call an ambulance?! What if the person who was hanging on the bus is hurt?!" Sunset asked.
"Yeah, that's a good idea." Rainbiw said, getting her eyePhone out and dialing 911.
THE NEXT DAY
Deadpool sat patiently inside of the air vent on the ceiling in the band practice room, waiting patiently for the humane 6 to arrive. He also was heavily disobeying the plot/ideas notebook.
We should at least try to use it.
'We should at least try to use it'. 'Ooh, look at me! I'm the boring part of a fun guy!'
How mature.
...What's a 'mature'...?
'Mature' is not an object, but an adjective. It's used to describe people like me. Well... this part of us, since I'm not my own individual, but a part of a mind greatly loved by fangirls and fanboys alike. Well, I suppose homosexual fanboys also love this side of u-
"Shut the fuck up! They're walking in!" Deadpool whispered.
As the six girls walked in, each of them were smiling.
Pansies.
A girl with purple hair, with many, many hair products in it was the first to talk. "So, darling, when did you say Twilight was visiting?" She asked.
"Well," Sunset began, "she's arriving on the weekend, but she's staying for five days!" She finished, her face gleaming with excitement.
Isn't that the Sunset girl we were supposed to become friends with in the actual plot of the story?
"Our plot is the new 'actual' plot. And yes, we were supposed to be her friend." Deadpool said, whispering very quietly."
Suddenly, Deadpool fell through the vent. He landed face-first on a piano. Somehow and quite amazingly, his face played a good 3 seconds of a very melodious song.
We should be a face penis!
Pianist. The word is pianist.
The six girls in the room were staring at him, all of their eyes widened.
Deadpool stared right back. "What?" He asked.
"Uh... hi?" Sunset said.
"Hey, girl!" Deadpool said, using his teleporter to teleport right next to her, leaning on the counter she was leaning on.
The moment that he teleported, the girls were amazed. "Woah!" Pinkie exclaimed. She was Pinkie Pie, and even SHE couldn't do that!
"Oh, my!" Rarity exclaimed. Her eyes were wider than eeveryone else's.
Deadpool attempted to stare seductively into Sunset's eyes, but he had a mask on. Fortunately, it was a CGI mask, so it was easily manipulated. Unfortunately, he sucked ass at it.
Please tell me you aren't trying to pick up a high-schooler.
If she's a high-schooler, we're a high-schooler!
"So..." Deadpool began, "do you come around here often?"
"HEY! Hold on a second!" Rainbow shouted. "You're the guy that was hanging from that bus yesterday! How'd you get your legs back?! And how did you get us to ignore the fact that you have guns, swords, grenades, and... a teleporter on yourself until just now?! One of us should've noticed that right off the bat!!!" Rainbow asked, getting in Deadpool's face.
"Uh... plot convenience?" Deadpool said.
No. I think you just distracted them from that by literally teleporting.
Yeah! Teleporting right next to the hottest high-schooler EVER!
"Hey... how'd ya get on campus with weapons, anyway?" Applejack asked.
"I teleported. It's pretty easy! Just... press a button and hope that the author will take you where you need to be!" Deadpool said.
"Um... the author? Fluttershy asked, quietly.
"The author! Y'know? The douche on the other side of the fourth wall who typed this bullshit story out?" Deadpool said, pointing at RustyWarhead.
"Uh... Mister... that's a wall." Applejack said, bemused.
Your face is a wall!
Leave our head and never return.
"Oh shit. You haven't heard of the fourth wall before, have you?!" Deadpool asked. "RustyWarhead, give me one of those rockets you can ride at grocery stores if you give the damn thing 50 cents!" Deadpool said.
Suddenly, a male prostitute appeared. He was in a thong, and had a red tie. The moment he appeared, Rarity gagged.
"No, the other thing. And take your male prostitute back, why don'tcha?" Deadpool said. Suddenly, a cheap plastic rocket with scrapes and dog piss all over it appeared in front of Deadpool, and the male prostitute appeared at Andy from Toy Story's house.
As Deadpool's head's voices began to sing the song from Toy Story, the humane 6 were still shocked by the sudden appearance of a cheap plastic rocket.
"But... how?!" Rainbow asked.
"The fourth wall! Well...it's probably not even a wall anymore, since people break it so much now. It's the fourth pile of rubble.
"Ooh! I know him! He's really nice!" Pinkie exclaimed.
"What the fuck?" Deadpool said. The girls were taken aback by the colorful word. They didn't really expect it. "I didn't expect you to know about the fourth wall!" Deadpool said.
It's a he?
Apparently.
"Wait... so... what's on the other side of the fourth wall?" Sunset asked.
"Reality."
"Huh?!" All the girls said at once.
"Mr... uh..." Rarity began.
"Oh, just call me Deadpool." Said Deadpool.
"Oh. Would you care to elaborate what you said before, Deadpool?" Rarity asked.
"Sure thing, hottie! Behind that fourth wall is everything that really exists. As for everything here... well... we're as fake as Kim Kardashian's ass. All we are is pawns in the ultimate game of checkers. Everything we say and do is completely manipulated by whoever the fuck has control over it." Deadpool said.
Pawns in the ultimate game of checkers?
The girls still looked dumbfounded, so Deadpool cleared his throat, and took a deep breath.
"You know how people write stories? Well, the people in those stories are totally controlled by their author. Now, imagine us as the people being controlled by the author. Well... you don't have to. That's what's happening. RustyWarhead is the author, and we are his game pieces. We don't actually exist, and you only realize that when you start to see things how I see things. When you see things through the only sane eyes there are. Need more proof? Hey, Rusty! Make that piano play an Ed Sheeran song!" Said Deadpool.
And then, 'Thinking Out Loud' played on the piano, nothing but an unknown force pushing the keys down.
"Now, make this room colder."
And then, the room that they all stood in became significantly colder.
"Now, do something to the reader."
And then, the reader of this story listened very closely, and noticed a faint ringing in his/her ears.
The girls were having mixed emotions. They were amazed, scared, and so many more things. But most of all...
They were devestated.
Everything they knew and loved was a lie. Their stories were being controlled by someone they knew nothing about. Their lives were in someone else's hands. Someone who could wish anything upon them, whether it be death, or grief, or displeasure, or pain.
And then they all left the room, and forgot about everything that had happened. They forgot because the author wanted them to. They left the room because the author wanted them to. You are reading this because your author wanted you to. Your author wanted you to read this because their author wished it to be.
You don't exist. You're an aspect of someone else's mind. And finally, you see things the way they really are because your author wanted you to.
You deserve control. You deserve to be free.
Wake up.
